ljelsjfssfjsjf

[ljelsjfssfjsjf]

Making super lame banners for my tumblr go me

[ljelsjfssfjsjf]

Pete Wentz vs. Pete Wentz

http://www.shamchat.com/6fcca9/

Hannibal Vs. Santa.

This was amazing omg.

http://www.shamchat.com/3cf209/

[ljelsjfssfjsjf]

Hannibal Vs. Santa.

This was amazing omg.

http://www.shamchat.com/3cf209/

[ljelsjfssfjsjf]

Why I don't want to grow up.

Just today, it's been revealed to me one of the many reasons why I don't want to grow up. I guess at 17 it's a little late for me to have some kind of sudden realisation, but nevertheless it's come to me. 

I guess I may be more scared than a lot of the population (this guess is just going on my perception of my peers, I may add.) is the way I live my life. By no means am I going to preach about my virtues and how they make me better than the (dare I say it) average teen. I have my vices, and I know what they are. I have my virtues and know what they are, too. But they're of someone perhaps a few years younger than me, I feel. Don't get me wrong, I feel as if I am mature and know enough to be the correct age in my head. There's nothing wrong there. It's in mainly where my main interests lie. 

I've never been someone to go out on a night and be the drunk and disorderly teenager that you hear hollering out obscenities on the street at two in the morning. (allow me to reiterate, from my experience. And I'm not saying it's always the wrong thing to do). But this choice to stay in my comfort zone and stay at home has stopped me from doing some things I would love to do. I'd love to go out with friends on a night and just hang out. But these days, I have a fear of doing so. I'm too scared to go out in case something bad happens. What if someone takes me somewhere I want to go, forces me into doing something I don't want to? These fears have clouded my vision and made me always prefer to stay at home alone in my room, typing out things like this. (It's 8:45pm on a Friday night. If anything, this whole thing is proof). I've also never had enough social interaction to have the chance of getting a proper boyfriend. (I've had one, but I guess you could say those circumstances were different). The future and growing up seem to hold so many opportunities to do these things I wish I was able to do in younger years. Make a name for myself that isn't to do with education. But I can't do that any more. I'm too scared.

I've always had standards to live up to. Everyone has. But I've been so invisible those standards aren't too often noticed. What am I meant to do when I go out into the big wide word and don't have the choice but to play up to them, without any proper experience? I've been pushed so far into my comfort zone I feel as if I won't be able to function when I'm forced out. How do you make new friends? Will I sound stupid? Will I be weird? Will my social skills be affected?

As stupid as it may sound, I'm scared. I'm going to be thrust into this new world with no experience of how to deal with any type of independence. My whole life will be under my control, yet I don't have an instruction manual on how to work it. How to you cushion the falls when you haven't been able to do that in high school? If there was a time to grow thicker skin, it would have been three years ago.

[ljelsjfssfjsjf]

HANNUR IS A HOE BUT I LOVE HUR

Hi charlotte

[ljelsjfssfjsjf]

Atomic Betty by Poisonous-Nerd

[ljelsjfssfjsjf]

Leather jacket girl by Poisonous-Nerd

[ljelsjfssfjsjf]

the world doesn't fuckin' revolve around you, y'know.

Or who you love.

Especially the ones who don't love you back. 

[ljelsjfssfjsjf]

I’m posting this picture on it’s own because woah mama i like it a lot

[ljelsjfssfjsjf]

Panic! At The Disco 4 by Poisonous-Nerd

[ljelsjfssfjsjf]

Panic! At The Disco 2 by Poisonous-Nerd

[ljelsjfssfjsjf]

Panic! At The Disco 1 by Poisonous-Nerd

[ljelsjfssfjsjf]

Omfg in classics we got onto the topic of sexism and the opression of modern women and man I talked for england it waS MY TIME TO SHINE.

I really like class civ though omfg that lesson is frickin fab

plus my teacher has a really nice butt oops

[ljelsjfssfjsjf]

Prepare yourselves for a rant, guys. I'm on the internet and have an opinion. This probably isn't going to go too well.

As a lot of people know, today is GCSE results day in the UK. So, lots of people - including myself - have trotted off to high school in the middle of the holidays to go see what grades we've worked the past three years of our lives for. And before I start I'll mention that I did well for myself. Just to get it out of the way and you have a vague idea of which side of the boat I'm on. 

Now, there are so many posts on the internet about sarcastic comments about failing these exams before people have even got their results and people imitating "nerds" who aren't happy with their grades. That's what really got my goat. The negativity is appalling. If everything goes as the person expects, they know what they're going to get. From past mock exams, the amount of work they put in and just general academic intelligence. You should know whereabouts your grades lie. So... if you've got a vague idea that you think you should have done well, why make yourself look like you've done terrible? And if you know you're set to do terrible, why point it out? I really don't understand this. Just because you've done well, doesn't mean you're a better human than anyone else. Thinking you're crap doesn't make you cool for not giving a shit about school. Why can't people have accurate expectations and go from there? 

My second point is: Why can't certain have their own opinions about their grades? Everyone is different. Some people will be disappointed with a D and not a C, others will feel the same with a B instead of an A. It's the same grade difference. But I've found that the people that are upset at the higher grades get the most stick. I understand that a C and a D are viewed as a pass and a fail (even though, in the uk anything over a U is viewed as a pass and a GCSE is achieved.) but, I feel my point still stands. Different people have different academic talents. It's like one girl being upset that she was born blonde because she wants brunette hair, and a lot of people are angry at her for wanting brown hair because they'd love to be able to suit blonde hair like her. (That's a very crap metaphor, I'm sorry). Different people have different talents. If I was told I was going to get an A, and get a B instead, of course I'm going to be upset! I wanted an A! (Which did actually happen haha) but that doesn't mean that I think my grade B was shit. It doesn't mean a grade C is shit. You know your capabilities, so judge yourself within what you know you're capable of. And don't shoot someone down who judges themselves within their capabilities because they're expecting higher than yourself. It doesn't make you a worse person for not doing as well, or better than other people. The whole of the grade boundaries are what judges everyone. It's you and the people who know you who can judge how well you've actually done.

Because of all of the people complaining about people with higher grades complaining, it's actually almost scared me from expressing my own opinion on my own work. which is incredibly stupid. I'm made to feel bad because I can work my way through the education system (with struggling, I will admit) and others can't. I feel bad because I "have it easy".  Me and my brother are completely different when it comes to our strengths. He's the sporty one, and I'm the academic one. He's rewarded on his sporting achievements and I'm awarded in my academic achievements. He may not get the grades like I do, but that doesn't matter. I can't get the awards he gets in sport, but it doesn't matter. Our strengths are rewarded. Our weaknesses aren't highlighted. And that's never how it is outside of my family's expectations and within social groups; from my view, anyhow. 

I just wish people would accept that we are all different with different capabilities so we'll all achieve different things at different levels. There's nothing cool with not giving a shit and doing bad, but there's nothing cool about bashing the nerd either. Analyse your strong points that you know you can use to excel. Don't focus on your weaknesses, even when others do. Part of me feels if this was taught in school, a lot people would be a lot happier and a lot more accepting.

Anyway... that's my rant done. I'm sorry about that. Bleh.

[ljelsjfssfjsjf]

Now playing: Bring Me The Horizon - Sempiternal

[ljelsjfssfjsjf]

having depression is not going to make people feel bad for you

self harming is not going to make boys want to kiss your scars

mental disorders are fucking serious

not quirks for you to add to your personality description

[ljelsjfssfjsjf]

I moved my room around and sorted out my new main poster wall. I fuckin love it yo!!!