loliloquy

[loliloquy]

08/06/2025 😔

am sad...it hurts a bit...obv i can handle...i hv seen much worse... its just again now it just makes me think should i just be alone... cuz to her i expect more than i should...i feel emotions more than i should...i get jealous more than i should...i dont know whats she thinking about me, where am i in her life. she does say sweet things to me...but i dont know it feels like its something she would do to anyone not just me. so its not spl anymore. and since shes from all girls skl and clg her friends are against having guy friends...some of her frnds ask her to be careful(thats fine) some say like dont be friends with him just avoid it right now. agent L told me today about another friend saying the same thing "dont have any guy friends". i vaguely said "Aliens"(like outsiders uk). she asked me "who?" i said ur male friends(its just me) shes like yeahh i asked her do you feel the same way? she said maybe... she always said that am her safespace. she can share certain things only to me.(she got like 5+ best friends). she likes to get closer with me. her parents allowed her(which is like super rare in her household)to go abroad for work. but she feel likes idk i cant am indecisive and reason is me... cuz she would like to do alot of things with me...like am the one shes worried abt... alot of other things it felt good...it felt super good that i actually cried... but am an alien(outsider) how does that work tho? how can u feel those with an alien...idk it just hurts... i think theres nthg mutual and am just being delusional..shes just treating me as a typical friend... am so stupid...

she never said anything voluntarily...i tell her things and she be like "yeahh i do too" or "same tbh", or after i yap about how bad i feel she comes and talks few things. she wont even know if am sad or mad... it feels so bad telling her cuz i dont know i am in that place...can i be sad or mad? idk she says i can tho...but i dont know...

i journal only when something happy or sad happens in my life...i hv told her that too... and even now i told her am gonna write blog... she should know...

Love you all guys for reading this...it means a lot.... I can always take a good feedback. Thank you~