lonehymn

[lonehymn]

Where Confidence Goes to Die

Every time I walk out of a job interview, I’m left in pieces. It’s like a battlefield where I showed up ready but walked away bruised... not from lack of preparation but from the looks, the tone, the slurring speech of interviewers who seem to carry judgment in their eyebrows. Their hesitation cuts deeper than words. It’s not curiosity, it’s dismissal, suspicion, superiority. The air thickens with unspoken rejection and it boils my blood. My fists clench with the urge to scream, “See me for who I am, not your shallow assumptions.” It’s exhausting. Every time I try to stay composed, they chip away at it. These rooms, these tables, these fake smiles they strip me of dignity and I hate it. But I’ll keep walking in. Not for them, but for me. Because one day, someone won’t flinch, won’t judge and they’ll see the fire I bring not just to survive but to rise. Until then, I vent, I burn and I keep going.

[lonehymn]

Embracing Stillness: A Night Free from Negative Thoughts

Tonight, I made a conscious choice to embrace stillness and keep the door shut on negativity. The mind, like a restless sea, often drifts toward worries, regrets and “what-ifs.” But not tonight. I chose peace over overthinking, calm over chaos.

I off the lights, took a few deep breaths and let silence wrap around me like a warm blanket. No space for the past’s weight or the future’s unknowns... only the present moment mattered. In this moment, I let go of things beyond my control. I reminded myself that it’s okay not to have all the answers and even more okay to pause, breathe and just be.

Negative thoughts may knock as they often do but tonight I won’t let them in. Instead, I focus on gratitude... small wins, kind smiles, simple joys. I hold onto the quiet strength that comes from choosing peace when chaos is an option.

Tonight feels different. The usual swirl of thoughts has softened into stillness. And beside me, she sleeps peacefully, quietly like a sea of calmness I never knew I needed.

Her breathing is steady, her presence grounding. Just watching her reminds me to slow down, to let go of the noise that fills my head. There’s something healing about her calm, something that wraps around the room like a gentle tide.

In this moment, I don’t need answers. I don’t need to fix anything. I just need to be here with her, in this quiet night that asks for nothing but presence.

Not every night will be like this. But its a reminder I have the power to steer my thoughts, to guard my heart and to rest without the weight of the world. And that’s enough for now and maybe even for tomorrow.

[lonehymn]

Fuck These Twitching Eyes

I swear, if my fucking eye twitches one more goddamn time I’m gonna lose it. It’s like this little bastard vein under my eyelid has a personal vendetta pulsing like a little prick every time I’m stressed, pissed, or just breathing. No amount of sleep, water, or deep fucking breathing stops it. It’s always there, like a twitchy little fucker mocking me. People think it’s nothing. Yeah? Try living with it, asshole. This isn’t a minor annoyance... it’s a daily, pulsating middle finger from my own body.

[lonehymn]

I Love You & I Give You My Weakness!

I love you for reasons both big and small, obvious and quiet. It’s in the way you look at me not to judge but to truly see me. You listen, not just to respond but to understand. You’ve always had a way of making me feel like I’m not alone, like my thoughts matter, like I matter. That feeling of being seen and accepted is something rare and something I never take for granted.

I love you because you make life lighter. When I’m with you, even the hard days feel a little easier. You bring a spark to my world. Your presence alone has the power to bring peace to my chaos. You remind me of the good that still exists in the world and in me. I love how you carry yourself. You're strong but soft, driven but kind. You’re real, never pretending, never putting up a false front. And because of that I’ve felt safe enough to take down my own walls around you. I’ve shown you my doubts, my fears, my insecurities. That wasn’t easy but I did it because I trusted you.

But that’s also where the hurt lives. I struggle deeply when that trust is broken. When I open up and hand over the most delicate parts of who I am… only to hear them thrown back at me in the middle of a arguement. That isn’t just harsh.. it’s betrayal. When you uses my own vulnerability as ammunition, it doesn’t just hurt, it wounds. Deeply. Because once I feel emotionally unsafe, I withdraw. I shut down. And what hurt even more? When I was at my lowest..  jobless, lost, uncertain about everything, you emotionally checked out. Or worse you might left altogether. That’s a pain I don’t forget.. because in that moment, it felt like you didn’t love me, you only loved the strong version of me. The man who had it all together. And no man ever truly forgives being abandoned in his weakness. Love isn’t just about being there when I’m smiling.. it’s proven when I’m breaking. When I’m not easy to love. When I’m drowning and hoping you’ll reach in instead of stabbing me with your sharp tongue. That’s when I needed you most.

Still, I love you. I love your laughter, your flaws, your strength. I love the way you challenge me and support me when you’re present. I love how you bring light into my world when you choose to stay. I don’t ask for perfect.. just for real, honest love that doesn’t run when things get heavy.

You are my peace and my storm. My sanctuary and my lesson. I love you not because I need someone but because I chose you. I still do. But love must also be safe. It must be sacred. And when I trust you with my soul, I just ask...  please don’t use it against me. That kind of wound would changes a person.

[lonehymn]

Facing the Nerves and Moving Forward

It’s not easy handling the nervous feeling I had. The pressure crept in quietly, gripping my chest and clouding my thoughts. But I reminded myself instead of pushing the feeling away, I acknowledged it, took a deep breath and grounded myself in the moment. It wasn’t about being fearless... it was about showing up despite the fear. Every experience like this builds resilience and today, I stood tall in the discomfort. I may not have silenced the nerves completely but I didn’t let them win either. That’s progress. And sometimes, progress is all we need.

[lonehymn]

The Silent Battle Within

Slowly, she tries to win the enemy within me... the doubt, the fear, the voices that say I'm not enough. She doesn't shout or fight with anger. Instead she shows up with patience, kindness and quiet strength. Each time I falter, she reminds me to breathe, to believe and to take one more step forward. It's not a war fought with noise but a healing through presence. Her calm becomes my courage. And with every moment she stays, the enemy loses its grip. I'm learning to choose her voice over the one that breaks me.

[lonehymn]

When My Body Speaks

The nervous system is begging me to throw the monster away. The monster of self-doubt, fear, and anxiety that creeps in when I least expect it. My hands shake, my heart races and my thoughts spiral. But deep down, my body knows what I need. It’s asking me to let go, to release what no longer serves me. It’s time to listen, to breathe, and to find peace beyond the chaos within.

[lonehymn]

The Devils She Didn't Mean to Wake

Should I blame her for waking up the devils within me? The ones I buried long ago under silence, under smiles. She touched places I thought were sealed, stirred memories I fought to forget. But maybe it wasn’t her fault. Maybe those devils were never truly gone... just sleeping, waiting. Her presence didn’t create them... it revealed them. In truth, she held up a mirror. And in that reflection, I saw the cracks, the wounds, the unfinished healing. It hurts, yes. But maybe this pain is the start of something necessary. Maybe awakening the devils is the only way to finally face them. And maybe, just maybe, they lose power once they’re seen.

[lonehymn]

Sweat Over Silence

In my room, I burn my muscles... rep after rep, set after set... just to fade away the noises playing in my mind. The weight in my hands is nothing compared to the weight in my head. But as I push through the burn, the chaos softens. Every drop of sweat is a small victory over the voices of doubt, fear and regret. It’s not just a workout... it’s therapy. A silent war between my body and mind, where movement becomes medicine.

[lonehymn]

The Smile That Hides the Storm

When I’m in public, I smile. Or worse, I feel numb. I nod, I laugh, I go through the motions like everything’s fine. No one sees the storm brewing beneath the surface. No one hears the inner screams that echo louder than any crowd around me. It’s not that I want to lie... I just don’t know how to explain the chaos inside. How do you tell someone that your soul is tired, that your thoughts won’t slow down, that you’re barely holding it together behind polite smiles?

It’s exhausting, this double life. One part of me plays the role while the other silently begs for peace. Sometimes I envy those who wear their feelings on their sleeves... at least they’re honest. I’ve become too good at pretending, too practiced at hiding.

But maybe writing this is a step. A way to let the scream out even just a little. Because deep down I know I’m not alone. Someone else out there is smiling through their pain nodding through their numbness and wishing someone could see past the surface.

[lonehymn]

Halfway Presence

I feel that she’s there for me but at the same time, it feels like she’s just there for the sake of being there. Her words are kind, her actions thoughtful but there’s a distance I can’t explain. Like a presence without depth. A hug that doesn’t warm. A smile that doesn’t reach the eyes.

It’s confusing because I want to believe in her intentions. I want to think she cares. And maybe she does… just not the way I need. Maybe she’s showing up out of obligation, not emotion. Maybe I’m reading into silences that were never meant to speak. Or maybe I’m just afraid to admit the truth.

Sometimes, the hardest part isn’t being alone... it’s feeling alone when someone’s right beside you.

And so I sit with the feeling. Half comforted. Half hollow. Wondering which version of her is real… or if both are.

[lonehymn]

The Night My Body Couldn't Lie

The night I slept beside her was a roller coaster within me. On the outside, calm. On the inside, chaos. My breath came short and shallow, my stomach twisted with gas and nerves. The world spun even with my eyes closed, and every flicker of light felt like it burned into my twitching eyes.

My heart? It thumped like it was trying to outrun something... maybe the truth I didn’t want to face.

Was it excitement, anxiety or a mix of both? I couldn’t tell. All I knew was that my body wasn’t at peace. It responded with the raw honesty that my mind tried to hide.

Lying next to her felt like a dream I wasn't ready for or a reality I couldn't handle. That night didn’t bring rest... it brought awareness. That even in silence, the body speaks loudly. And mine was screaming.

[lonehymn]

Chasing Silence on Screaming Legs

I don’t run for fitness or goals but run to escape. I need to feel the pain in my bones, the burn in my muscles. Every part of me must scream to drown out the noise inside. I run because staying still means facing what I’m not ready to confront.

With every step, I try to outpace the chaos. I run not towards something but away from memories, expectations, questions with no answers. The road stretches far but the weight I carry keeps pulling me back. Still, I run. Harder. Faster. Longer.

It’s a desperate rhythm. Breath, stride, pain, release. And maybe, somewhere between the ache and exhaustion, I’ll find a kind of peace. Not the kind that stays but the kind that reminds me I’m still alive.

This isn’t just a run. It’s a fight. A release. A reminder.

[lonehymn]

The Storm Within Me

Tonight, a storm brews quietly in my chest. It’s not thunder or rain, but a whirl of nervous thoughts and what-ifs. I care deeply for her, more than words can shape and that’s exactly what terrifies me. What if my words tonight don’t land softly? What if I say too much or too little, and in doing so, hurt the very heart I’m trying to protect?

I hope she sees through my nerves to the truth I carry. That I’m not perfect but I’m trying. I hope her calm can anchor my storm. That she understands my silence is not distance but fear of stumbling on fragile ground.

Sometimes the people we care about the most become the ones we fear hurting the most. And tonight, that fear is loud.

But I trust her light, and maybe... just maybe... it will be enough to settle the storm inside me.

[lonehymn]

The Night That Broke Me

Last night was the kind of night that leaves scars you can’t see. I lay in bed, eyes wide open, battling a mind that refused to quiet down. Sleeplessness wasn’t just about the absence of rest, it was the constant flood of thoughts, fears and what-ifs. A nightmare jolted me awake but the waking world didn’t feel any safer. Anxiety crept in like a thief, stealing my peace, my breath, and every ounce of strength I thought I had left.

It felt like the weight of everything came crashing at once. Responsibilities, regrets, expectations, and the fear of what tomorrow might bring. I cried. I crumbled. I broke a little more inside. But even in that darkness, I know this, I survived the night. That has to count for something.

Maybe today won’t be perfect. But I’ll take it one breath at a time, one step at a time.

[lonehymn]

Holding the Storm Within

No matter how loud the storm rages inside me, I choose not to let it spill over. Especially not in front of those I love. They deserve my calm, not my chaos. Emotional control is my daily mission for now and it's a quiet promise to myself. It’s not about hiding pain but managing it with strength. I refuse to let fleeting feelings damage lasting bonds. It’s hard. Some days I tremble inside. But I breathe, pause, and hold steady. This is my power - staying composed even when my soul shakes.

[lonehymn]

Escaping Anxiety, Finding Peace

I needed to breathe, really breathe so I escaped to Raffles Marina Club, bringing along the one who grounds me. The anxiety had become a constant storm in my chest but here, by the sea, everything softened. The wind brushed against my face like a gentle reminder that I'm still here. The blue-grey sky felt vast enough to hold all my worries. With calm waters ahead and a quiet presence beside me, I finally felt safe. Not cured, but calmer. For now, that’s enough.