lonesomebigmike

[lonesomebigmike]

Hope in Minnesota

The half life of hope is about three crushed dreams

Bleeding on the concrete like it was supposed to be that red

Breathing on the street, then a corpse on a white bed

Gunsmoke in the night and another of us dead

In the name of connection, we stopped talking

A half of society's deflection about "them"

A whole of society's reflection of when

In the name of dread, we realize

The half life of hope is not just one dead leader

Or wounded preacher

Or shot up teacher

Charisma with a vision

Does not beat the arterial incision of trying to find someone else to blame

The half life of hope is when you learn it has to be you

Or your mother, or our brothers

When progress demands more blood

And we are all that is left

Progress demands

It does not whimper what it needs

It crows loudly at our triumph, teeth crimson

And after all we still have half

[lonesomebigmike]

If a lover I would leave it

If a death I wouldnt grieve it

A whiskey bottle from last season

Broke and half-empty for a reason

Wasted flour on the counter

Count the seconds, tally hours

If the rythm in my heart could just

Dissapear like the dead yeast

If the hymn in my head would lust

For anything, at least

A little

Normal

If I ever just get the hell

Out of my head,

I'll tell

All you ever need to know about

ADHD and bread

[lonesomebigmike]

Ubolewa

She was crying on my couch again

She was staring at the guns

You claimed I need to be a friend

But it's about time you were one

I know the pasts a bummer

You'll come out better than you were

But the things you did last summer

Nearly killed you, me, and her

Arsonists don't build bridges until

Theres none left to burn

If you think the well was poisoned, still?

It was the ashes, you haven't learned

[lonesomebigmike]

Risks

If you leave your ships in harbour

If you leave your captain moored

Regardless of the rhyme,

The reason or the storm

You'll find on your pier

A broken man, safe

And a ferry docked, out of form

For captains love the waves

And boats abhor the shore

[lonesomebigmike]

And like any good slightlystitious man, he flips the nickel fast

Making his decision, on its way down to the grass

Unsure before of which to take, he only gets one path

But knows from which he wanted, what he'll make come to pass

[lonesomebigmike]

Another corpse buried on the field of my longing

Another horse chews through the bloodweeds

Another rip in the belonging

She knows not of the source of seeds

At the edge of all I knew how to give

Her rider long forgotten to the quagmire

Of battling will to love and live

[lonesomebigmike]

I hurt a lotta people learning to love like this. I owe them the decency you love to praise.

[lonesomebigmike]

Would you hang or would you sink? Flutter like butterfly or moth? Freeze over or return to ash?

A rope can kill a drowning man

Just as easily as it can save

A neck was never made for plans

To jump: in an early grave

The chrysalis of a life is had

Whether you give them beauty or disgust

Hot and cold drives young lovers mad

Until they learn to trust

[lonesomebigmike]

April 8th

And what are we dear lover

But the same as all others

Wishing for nonsense

That the fronts of our ribs were ethereal

Hands pulling on the backs even still

A handle to the mantle of oneness

Clawing and pawing at a moments doneness

Iron sharpens iron, so one sharpens another

Clasped and grasped in the embrace of my lover

If a moment is but a token of our time

Then potent is the love of the one who took mine

[lonesomebigmike]

The madness in your heart

Demands more than this

This piddling farce of an economy

This rise and grind mentality

The heart demands more than this, yes

The beat inside you skips for her or him

The beat inside skips when youve been up so long

The beat skips when you cry out against the oil

We are drowning in

With water streaming down your cheeks

In spite of the ugly truth

That it cannot break the surface

With the last bit of your brain insisting

That the beat skipping was worth it

The heart in you

That you used to love

You used to cherish

You used to kill for

at least the pieces of you in it's way

Bursts forth from your ribs in furor

In righteous ripping agony

In stark unacceptance

Of who you've let yourself become

The queit desperation of a madman

Content to be as least miserable as possible

The full breasted despair of

I will settle for this and die

Why in the name of heaven are we here

If not to rage against

Any single abandonment of that organ

And its demand of a better you

And a better life

And a better destiny

If not here to slake that thirst

Of

Love and lust and courage

And trust

Why would we need to be here at all

Your heart bangs upon your ribs

Desperate for one last chance

One last moonlit dance

With who you know to be you

And the craziest filth of all

Is you wont do it

Even though its true

[lonesomebigmike]

And if I could

Convert all that laundry

To one moment in the rain

Weeping about the sacrifice

How you cant handle this pain

Unworried for the cars

Or the passerby

The witnesses and passengers of

My great choice to save a guy

If I could trade every vaccuum of the floors

Every dusting of the doors

To the minute you need me most

Who would I be to say no

Darling everyone wants a hero

Not conditioned for the stress of zero

Most men make a mountain out of manhood

And a molehill of the dishes

A monster in a dark night

Out of mowing the lawn and ditches

Some day the bones of all of us

Heroes and the damned

Will be found and theorized about

Theyll barely know I was a man

[lonesomebigmike]

I think alot

Of the pains in life

The mystery of our growth

The magic of a man

Coming back bigger

Taller from his food

Stronger than his mood

Noone would dare call him small

His agony kept atrophy at bay

And then I think of a burnt lover

Nothing left but to brood

Scars formed skin, if crude

Noone dares to notices at all

Some agonies just go on their way

[lonesomebigmike]

I'm laughing too loudly

I have woken my love again

And I wonder how far back it goes

Are these oversized ribs my grandfathers?

Or was he lent them too?

Does this attention difficulty belong to my father?

Did I pass it down to you?

A stupid question, but

If youre gonna be stupid, you better be tough

With a crushing hug and pinched ear

And a blushing spouse and a sore rear

After a joke too bad to stay mad

Did my great grandfather grumble how we do dad?

Over-worked and underpaid?

Did my ancestors have big girl panties mom?

Generations of women worn into smooth mothers

By rough lives and silver-tongued lovers

Are we all just bits and pieces that survived

Is there ever anything left that didnt thrive?

A tall polish man with a a hairy back and

An anglican broader than his peers laboring in the sun

A survival of the starving and world wars two and one

Did their laughter boom like mine?

Did they visit their friends after the plagues?

Did they hold their wives tight and dream of me?

A worried future son, well fed, unafraid of the dark or bears or snakes

Just what god and men thought of him

Surrounded by horses and houses fit for lords

Did they dare dream of me in their hope

Did they wonder what they were sowing?

Did they guess where they were going?

A palm on a belly, a lineage growing

To lead, to love, tommorow's hope fishing

A hundred years later looking back and wishing

To know what seeds made me

To know what needs to be saved

A thousand years of a booming laugh can die in a car wreck

The world is none the wiser

I hope to leave you my heart

For Mike was no miser

[lonesomebigmike]

Szytaker

And if the feelings inside you

Are a hoard of gold in the mountain

Or a horde of pirates on a sea

Valuable or powerful, still infinitesimal

Compared to where they happen to be

How in God's name can "I love you"

Say all that you mean to me

[lonesomebigmike]

The ocean wont fit in the bucket

The grief cant fit in your hands

Stop trying to hang on to fuck it

Stop trying to mop the sand

A fool is made wise with his pain

A wise man made a fool by his heart

The ability to see they are the same

Is less a science and more of an art

[lonesomebigmike]

Wisdom

Thank you for this laundry

Thank you for these dishes

The maintenance of my tawdry

Nine to five priveleges

Thank you for the stressing

Over a mess Im able to clean

Thank you for the blessings

No matter how like work they seem

[lonesomebigmike]

If I told the maples of my bloodline

The cottonwoods and tallgrass

The rabbits and sweetcorn

Just how you made me feel

They would weep their leaves in June

Rip their roots up and

Abandon the burrows

March upon the city

To meet the only one to make

The heart of their son thrum as theirs do