lord-of-the-magikarps

[lord-of-the-magikarps]

I need to join this subreddit

[lord-of-the-magikarps]

fish no!

!!!!!!!! im gonna slap it

[lord-of-the-magikarps]

yit itsa me

DnD quotes out of context

Patrick: who knew ass was so cheap

Theo: that’s called prostitution patrick

Gwen: shut UP about your furnace, patrick!

Patrick: you thought you were high up, but no! you were just high!

Isaiah: all i’m hearing is tentacle and i’m very concerned.

Gwen: at least they didn’t say testicle!

George: how many dragons can the people carry?

Eli: whAT THE FUCK ARE THESE???? *holds up pop-tarts*

Patrick: sacrifice Isaak!

Isaak: *hitting patrick with pop-tart box*  bITCH NO!

Theo: *visibly upset* but, but what if it’s a special squirrel…?

Theo: a lot of things change in five minutes

Eli: like your relationship with Jason!

Everyone: OHHHHH

George: we could have had a nice dinner and you just HAD to go and seduce it!

Robert: *slamming hands on table and chanting* STDS STDS STDS

Patrick: you can try and crusade me, GOOD LUCK!

Eli: I’ll delete your fortnite account!

George: i can have a dead friend! *voice cracking* i always wanted a friend!

Robert: i have so much weed, what am i supposed to do with it?

Eli: what are you talking about, histograms are so much fun!

Theo: fuck YOU!

Eli: is anyone here a furry? *everyone points to Chris*

Eli: you’d think with all that seducing Jason, you’d be better at deepthroating

Theo: both of us know you lost your virginity a long time ago

Eli: why did you say both of us???

Patrick: kinky

*Monica enters room*

Theo: JESUS!

Eli: your mother was a hamster

Eli and Patrick: AND YOUR FATHER SMELT OF ELDERBERRIES

[lord-of-the-magikarps]

[lord-of-the-magikarps]

keeping your superpower secret must have been a lot easier before cameras were invented

[lord-of-the-magikarps]

[lord-of-the-magikarps]

thank you

[lord-of-the-magikarps]

fskjskjskjsjksskjks

Timelapse of Europa & Io orbiting Jupiter, shot from Cassini during its flyby of Jupiter

[lord-of-the-magikarps]

little lizard is safe

i would like to see… a little lizard

[lord-of-the-magikarps]

witchcraft

Applauses ensues

[lord-of-the-magikarps]

yes indeed it did

REBLOG if The Truman Show fucked you the fuck up.

[lord-of-the-magikarps]

yes please

Things to bring back in books:

Chapter titles

Actually having a synopsis on the back instead of reviews no one will read

[lord-of-the-magikarps]

b, p, d and q are the same fucking letter and noone talks about it

[lord-of-the-magikarps]

but make sure they’re completely different 87 character passwords for every single site or hackers will steal your roblox password

does the bee movie script count?

[lord-of-the-magikarps]

the lazy river should be peoples primary mode of transportation

picture this: new york city - a slow moving river snakes through the city’s sky high buildings. you see celebrities with multiple tubes. only the rich own high end vehicles, which are those sealed balls that you can float in. fake plants line the streets, and congestion on broadway rv. is terrible