lossofdecency

[lossofdecency]

The Gentle Meadow

CW: Death

It’s gentle. Being surrounded by wildflowers that drift in the subtle breeze. Peaceful. My head is heavy against the ground. It feels wrong. Twisted. I don’t pay any of it attention. Not the way my body feels so strange. Don’t think about it.

He rests with me. Hovering against my back. I’m grateful for the distraction. Each breath gets heavier and the ache in my chest grows. 

I’m scared.

The tears come whether I want to or not. No matter how much I blink them down, they spill over. I should let them. It won’t matter soon anyway. 

I hiccup despite my best intentions. The fear is ever present, winding in my aching lungs. Even though I chose this, sought it out against my better judgement. Maybe because I did.

The flowers. Look at the flowers. They smell lovely. So gentle. I can imagine them dancing across my mouth- is it still a mouth? I take a deep breath of the fading scent. Futilely commit it to memory. My tear trails are like brands from where the wind soothes over them. It’s too hot, too cold. The sensation grows more and more muted.

“Where do demons go when they die?” I don’t want to know the answer. I have to know the answer. Lie to me, I want to shout. Lie to me softly. 

The Grim Reaper stirs from his rest. He hums gently wiping away the trails on my face. If ever there was a welcomed touch it would be now. 

“They go to their resting place. A lovely place” I take his words to heart. There’s a place. A resting place. He diligently wipes the tears that overflow from my cracking dam. The flowers are a blur of colors in front of me. 

“Will you..” It’s getting harder to breath. “Sing for me?” It’s a lot to ask. First his presence and now his voice. I fear he won’t. 

His voice is gentle and soft. A perfect lullaby for me to sleep to. My eyes slip close, losing the fight to stay open. It’s okay, the gentle song says. 

My body feels so numb now. 

It’s okay, the lullaby whispers, just relax. 

I can’t feel my body anymore- can’t remember-

Just relax. You can let go now. It whispers from afar. 

Okay.

Okay.

[lossofdecency]

Top 5 Songs of 2020

I know what y’all are thinking- thank god that 2020 is over and honestly we’re glad too.. Here’s our top 5 songs of 2020. 

5.Physical- Dua 

Wonderful beat and a great song to get up and dance to. It makes top 5 as a catchy fun song to sing as dance to. Get up and move a little. A little quarantine party. Add a little fun in this funless year. 

4.Therefore I Am- Billie Eilish

I love a good ol’ classic meme song. Billie Eilish is incredibly talent and this makes great background music. +5 points for incorporating “I think therefore I am”.

3.Soulmate Song

Amazing song that debuted on tiktok. I’m a sucker for bittersweet romantic songs and this is definitely one of them. It changes about 60 seconds in, from using a voice affect to regular singing. The tune changes as well. It’s a little jarring but it’s still an amazingly beautiful song.

2. WAP- Cardi B. ft. Megan Thee Stallion

The only reason why this song is number 2 instead of higher is because I’ve heard it every day since it came out. Remixes, edits, covers. I’ve heard it classical. I’ve heard it in every way shape or form. It’s wonderful. Love the message of female sexuality and wrapping about female bodies like male rappers do. Feels empowering. But I will go insane if I hear it anymore. 

Honorable Mentions:  Savage- Megan Thee Stallion,  Vices- Mothica

1. Mas (K) ot- Todrick Hall

I love Todrick Hall.. He is one of the best pop artists out there. Each song is amazing. This song is fun, catchy and just full on amazing. I have listened to it since March of 2020 and it’s now past the new year. If that doesn’t tell you how amazing this absolute bop is I don’t know what else will. 

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Whatever has captured your mind has your spirit as well

[lossofdecency]

Top Ten Songs of 2019

10.  Memories- Maroon 5

This song is the perfect mix between deep, fun, and memetastic! The intro is quite frankly amazing. I’m positive that this meaningful catchy song will bring back memories! The perfect mellow song to jam out to.

9. 7 Rings- Ariana Grande

This classic meme song deserves the hype it received this year. A catchy tune with fun lyrics that are sure to stick in your head long after you’ve heard. A bit overplayed on the radio but still a true classic. 

 8. No Mercy( (Intro)- Young MA

Typically I’m not a big fan of rap. Like at all. However, this song has a catchy song and fun, easy-to-remember lyrics. Plus there’s a pun in there. I’m a sucker for puns. Young MA has other great songs, but this one is my favorite.

 7. Juice- Lizzo

Lizzo is honestly amazing. I love the majority of her songs, and her message. Each and every single one of them has an inspiring message with fun music videos to match. If you like to dance give Lizzo a listen. 

 6. Bounce Back- Little Mix

Little Mix has a great variety of fun upbeat songs. While not my favorite, Bounce Back does have- dare I say- a bouncy tune. These ladies sure know how to brighten up my day and make me want to dance. If I mess up, all well I can simply Bounce Back! 

5. 100 Bad Days-AJR

The only thing I love more than a fun song is a fun song with a deep meaning attached to it. AJR has combined both into a fun songs that says bad days won’t always remain bad. That someday they’ll turn into fun stories that you can laugh about. 

4. bad guy- Billie Eilish

This one is an obvious favorite. Mellow but fun to sing along. Not hard to memorize and the perfection combination of a fun beat and easy lyrics. This one is a true classic. Duh. 

3. Senorita- Shawn Mendes, Camila Cabello

I have a thing for catchy fun songs and this one is no exception. What more can I say other than it’s a great song to jam out to at 3 am? The only way this song could be better would be if there was a Donald trump mashup-oh wait! There is! I laughed for days after that one. 

2. Kill This Love -BlackPink

These ladies sure know how to kill it! The beat is absolutely fantastic to jam out to. Sure you may not know every word but who actually does? All you need to do is jam out and murder that chorus!

Honorable mentions:

Sucker- Jonas Brothers

Bury a Friend- Billie Eilish

Liar-Camila Cabello

1. Teeth- 5SOS

A stranger things song that will make you come back again and again to listen to the catchy music and wonderful lyrics. The creative metaphor of ‘talk so pretty but your heart got teeth’ is a personal favorite. In fact I’m listening to this song right now it’s that good.

[lossofdecency]

Beta Readers

Obsedia and I have seen much of writer’s tumblr or writeblr, and I personally am seriously impressed by the skill of many authors on this website. You guys are seriously amazing. Keep up the good work. 

Now both of us are writers ourselves, so we know how hard it is to put yourself out there. We know how difficult the writing process is. 

We also know how hard editing is. Especially if English (or whatever language you’re writing in) isn’t your first language. It’s hard. We get it. 

Which is why we are humbly offering our services as beta readers. Contact us if you’re interested and we’ll arrange the details. 

Both Obsedia and I are certified native English speakers. 

Obsedia's strengths include grammar, spelling, syntax, dialogue, character development, structure, and thematic elements.

I am well-versed in plot, rhythm, and literary devices including but not limited to: metaphors, parallelism, anaphoras, etc. 

If you’re interested contact us. 

[lossofdecency]

Random Ramble

Is humanity really good? Is Humanity evil? Are we good because we choose to be, and are we evil because that is our natural state? What does it mean to be Human?

[lossofdecency]

Scars don't matter, little one. They are the marks of the battles we have won.

Helen Dunmore

[lossofdecency]

To the Nerdy and the Weird

An open letter.

To the Nerdy

I suppose it must be stated that I fit the parameters for what people describe as “nerdy”. I am okay with being a nerd, given that I am also okay with being me. I am not always a fan of being called a nerd, for the mere popular denotation that us nerds are somehow aberrant souls in society, recluses that live in basements and/or frequent comic book stores. But the thing is, it’s not aberrant at all to live in basements and/or frequent comic book stores, or obsess over your favorite characters and TV shows. So it does offend me that people think these are bad things, weird things, just because they might not do them (openly, I might add). In my opinion, being a nerd is so much more, and pretty cool, and some people just do not agree. And that’s okay. All I’m saying is that if they did, and it was a more positive term for the world, I would be alright with being called a nerd by everybody. But for now, I’m alright with a select few calling me such.

Many people use the term “nerd” as an endearment, but it would be considerate if people actually let us know. Otherwise, you think that they’re attacking your personal ideals and activities, calling you “different” with another noun. Even if they do call it a term of endearment, do they mean it? Or is it just them calling us a name and trying to get away with it? Ah, people. Gotta love ‘em and their ulterior motives.

In an ideal situation, you would have a conversation with your friends, foes, and family regarding what it means to be a nerd, how it’s not bad, and whether or not you’d like to be referred to as one. It’s perfectly okay for some people to be called a nerd, but for others, not so much. It’s not necessarily because they believe nerds are bad and they’re ashamed of being one -- perhaps they want to be called by a nickname or something else entirely, like “bandersnatch”. Who knows? But it is vital to respect other people’s wishes. If you have the slightest inclination that the person you are calling “nerd” doesn’t like it, maybe stop. Just be a nice human being.

To the Weird

Me: [Shares opinion in what I assume to be a supportive, understanding environment, not at all expecting a personal attack.]

Friend: You’re weird.

Wow, thanks for not respecting my opinion. I really appreciate it.

*sigh* Some people don’t have filters. And some people are plain mean. The mean variety tend to gravitate towards hurtful adjectives, hurling them at you like they’re candy at a parade. The mean variety might also be insecure, or think they’re always right, and then continue to hurl the previously mentioned candy.

I’ve been called weird by my own friends. And it sucks. And it’s hurtful for me. Accompanied by a sardonic tone, with an ounce of I’m-not-going-to-try-to-understand-you, “You’re weird” hits me hard. I have a hard time sharing my thoughts with people, and being totally brushed aside with that one statement is truly frustrating. Maybe people don’t mean to be mean when they say it, but it’s just rude. All of my opinions aside, saying that to someone else is rude. Way to kill the conversation, pal.

I know I’m weird -- we all are. No person is completely average and normal. Normal exists in our idealized fantasies and on coordinate planes. But being called weird seems close to being rejected for our thoughts and actions. It seems like a dismissal, a “you’re not good enough” in fewer words.

The thing is, “You’re weird” can be substituted for so many other, kinder statements!

“That’s interesting. Here’s what I think…”

“Hm. You’ll have to tell me more about that sometime.”

“Oh, okay. That’s pretty unique.”

“You’re a fascinating human being, and I’d like to get to know you.”

“That’s a little different from what I think, but that’s okay.”

“Cool.” ----> (Use this one, it’s super safe for conversation.)

So, proclaimed weird ones, go find someone who supports your decisions and respects your opinions. Life is too short to let people dismiss you like you don’t matter, because you do. You matter so much, weird or not. Don’t try to be normal. Be yourself, and be weird.

The Finale

Thanks for reading, folks! I really needed to vent about these things, and I felt like it needed to be shared. Sometimes we think we’re alone, but we’re not. We never are. Someone, somewhere, feels the same way I do, or you do. Maybe this post will help someone, or just prompt some chuckling.

I am nerdy, and apparently I am weird. And both of those things are okay. As long as I am a decent human being, who does my best each and every day (no matter what my best looks like), I am okay. Don’t let other people belittle you for who you are. Embrace your inner nerd, and your weirdness. Make life interesting. A true friend would love to listen to you obsess over your favorite characters, or get excited about a new comic book. A true friend would love you and all of your weird, and would never even think about dismissing your opinions.

I hope you have a wonderful day, and a terrifically weird life.

Sincerely,

Obsedia

[lossofdecency]

Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul.

Oscar Wilde

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I love those who can smile in trouble, who can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. 'Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but they whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves their conduct, will pursue their principles unto death

Leonardo da Vinci

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Our Top 10 Songs of 2018

2018 was...a year to say the least. Was it good, was it bad? Yeah. It was. 

Here’s what Obsedia and I think of 2018, and our top 10 songs of the year!

10. Joan of Arc -- Little Mix

This song has an interesting mix of singing and a chanting of sorts. It’s the classic party/sexy song but instead of advertising sex it advertises self-love and independence. An upbeat party song with a good message.

9. I’m a Mess -- Bebe Rexha

Listen I’ve already listened to song like 52 times in the past week. It has the components of a classic love song but at the time it encourages dealing with unrequited feelings while being honest and open to therapy. Honestly admitting your weaknesses is something we can use in 2019. Also improving. Plus guys It’s super catchy. 

8. lovely (with Khalid) -- Billie Eilish, Khalid

A slower, sadder song with a powerful message of love. The kind of song you stare out the window listening to pretending you’re in an music video or that your significant other is off saving endangered squirrels or something. Dramatic montages as well. 

7. Comeback Kid -- Sharon Van Etten 

Technically this hasn’t come out yet “officially” on the new album Remind Me Tomorrow, but the music is already out on Youtube so it’s fair game. It has an intense beat yet sobering lyrics if you really pay attention. It promises a great return and remissions and that’s something we need in life. 

6. Havana Ft Young Thug -- Camila Cabello, Young Thug

One of my favorite songs, it starts off with a great beat and extremely catchy. A little overplayed on the radio, but I’d dance to this. The official music video starts off hilariously as well, and I live for the drama.

5. In My Mind -- Dynoro, Gigi D'Agostino

Chilling song with a great beat. It’s like psychology thriller but instead of being a book or a movie it’s a song. The official music video is especially poetic. Though it never does say where we came from. It also just repeats the same sentence over and over. Beautiful and simplistic. I could definitely sing this on Karaoke Night and ace it. 

4. Stronger -- The Score

Great beat like all of the songs on this list but this one is definitely one you listen to working out to. Not that I actually work out. It just pumps you up and makes you feel like you can take on the world. 

3. Pressure -- Muse

Honestly I like this song. It starts off strong with a great beat and maintains it the whole song.  Second favorite Muse song of all time and I look forward to more hits like this. No pressure Muse. 

2. Thank You, Next -- Ariana Grande

This song is iconic. I saw memes from this song before I even heard of this song. Be afraid. 4.9/5 For the memes alone. Also it’s just so savage. Amazing.

Honorable Mentions

Burn The House Down -- AJR

High Hopes -- Panic! At the Disco

Black Car -- Beach House

Blockades -- Muse

Numb -- Meg Myers

Sit Next To Me -- Foster The People

I Said Hi -- Amy Shark

1. Natural -- Imagine Dragons

Imagine Dragons are one of my favorite bands so it’s only fitting that they get the top spot. Their amazing song truly deserves the honor. It has a great beat with great meaningful lyrics. Everything a successful song needs. I’ve listened to this song on repeat for weeks now and it’s still as wonderful today as it was the first time I heard it. 

Do you agree, do you disagree with our list? Let us know! I’m always in the mood to argue. 

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One must not let oneself be overwhelmed with sadness.

Jackie Kennedy

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Aging is not lost youth but a new stage of opportunity and strength.

Betty Friedan

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To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.

Mark Twain

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It's one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody.

Maya Angelou

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You're not supposed to be so blind with patriotism that you can't face reality. Wrong is wrong, no matter who says it

Malcolm X

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We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.

Martin Luther King Jr.