lostndazed

[lostndazed]

I’m just going to go on a spiral here and I know I have no followers I just really need to get this off my mind; I’ve literally had a stress migraine about it since yesterday.

In order for this to make any sense I have to establish a few things:

1. My mom owned an in-home daycare for 22 years and we met this person through the daycare (her kids were enrolled; I’ve know them since I was four, I’m currently 26).

2. My sister got remarried in 2021 to my current brother-in-law. She was diagnosed with cancer shortly before her marriage. My brother-in-law is a narcissist. (There’s a whole lot of drama in this point but it would make this post achingly long so I’m not going to talk about it in this post)

With those established, I’m going to tell you what happened yesterday and get your opinion on the situation, if you want to share it I guess.

I work for a fairly popular retail store(think bullseye) and I was at work yesterday. I have a coworker(I’m going to know her Michelle) who has been on a leave of absence due to medical reasons, aka she was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer. I’ve known Michelle since I was ten, I’ve loved this woman. She was one of the sweetest people in the world and she and I would talk about Harry Potter for hours. She would let me read her books, and as a ten year old with a reading addiction, that really meant something to me. I meant her through some of my mom’s daycare parents, Debbie and Todd (see 1.)

I don’t talk to Debbie and Todd (and their kids) and I haven’t since my sister passed in April. To put it lightly, they stirred a toxic situation involving my brother-in-law and my sister and have been stirring said situation since my sister got married. It had gotten worse after my mom died in 2022. I made the decision to go little to no contact with them to protect myself, because I get these stress induced migraines every time I think about them or my brother-in-law. My dad made the decision to do so too.

Yesterday I’m at work, doing my job and I see Debbie walking down one of the aisles. Now Debbie has been trying to call me, I didn’t know why, I just knew she was trying to call because she kept calling my dad and he would let it go to voicemail. She never left a message.

She storms over to me and proceeds to chew my head off because my dad wasn’t answering her calls and let me know Michelle had died. She proceeds to do this in front of one of the teenagers I work with. She then tells me not post it on Facebook and to let the rest of my coworkers know and then stalks off.

Now I’m wrecked because one of the people I’m closest to has passed, I’m embarrassed because I just got yelled at and treated like a child in front of my coworkers, and I’m mad because the audacity. And I’ve been this way since yesterday.

I don’t know what to do, I don’t know if I should go to her funeral, I don’t know if I should reach out to Michelle’s family. I just don’t know what to do. All I know is my head hasn’t stopped pounding since yesterday and I’m more pissed than anything because this bitch delivered bad news so poorly.

She literally could have done anything else, she knows where we live. If she couldn’t get ahold of us through the phone she could’ve shown up at our house and let us know in person. She didn’t have to go to my work and proceed to make a show for all to see.

What would you all do? Because quite frankly I have no freaking clue.

(All names are fake, and I know I could’ve posted on Reddit but Reddit scares me)

[lostndazed]

This Vs. That

Part 1

He has to get you away,

From your loved ones and livelihoods

He has to get you away,

From everything you thought was good.

He has to get you away,

From the love your family has.

He has to get you away,

And leave everything in the past.

He has to get you away,

With his tales and his willful deceit.

He has to get you away,

And hoard you like you're some treat.

He has to get you away,

And treat you like the only one who cares.

He has to get you away,

While we're left with our prayers.

He has to get you away,

While he breaks everything that you were.

He has to get you away,

And treats us like some kind of slur.

*

Part 2

I have to get you to stay,

And realize that we're not at fault.

I have to get you to stay,

We're not trying to keep you in a vault.

I have to get you to stay,

Because we love you and miss you the most.

I have to get you to stay,

And have you stop treating me like a ghost.

I have to get you to stay,

You are so different than who you are.

I have to get you to stay,

He's burning you like a cigar.

I have to get you to stay,

And save yourself before its too late.

I have to get you to stay,

And I'll bare all of this weight.

I have to get you to stay,

Before he kills us and shames us from view.

I'm begging you to stay,

Before he rips us all in two.

[lostndazed]

Temper and Hurt

Temper, temper. Hurt is never temper. Temper can be hurt, but hurt is never temper. Temper is mad. Temper is mad words. Temper blows up. Temper is mad blown up into words. Hard words. Bad words. Nasty words. Temper is nasty words. Temper shouts out nasty words. Like bad. "You are bad," Temper shouts. "You are bad! Bad woman! Bad sister! Bad mother! You are bad." Temper is vengeful. Temper is impatient. Temper leads to hurt.

Hurt is never Temper. Hurt is tears, streaming down face. Hurt is wails loud into the night. Hurt is knowing what was coming and knowing there was nothing to prevent it. Hurt is trying to make amends. Hurt knows that temper is coming and let's it happen. Hurt cries "Not bad, never bad. Not bad sister, not bad mother. Only ever Hurt." Hurts cries and cries and cries. Temper walks away victorious, Hurt goes home crying. Poor Hurt.