lowkeyayman

[lowkeyayman]

Ahhhhhh, life would have been much easier if she was here, She always supports me without any condition, Supporting me and waiting for nothing in return, Life has been giving me lemons a lot specially lately but I know if she was around it would have been a lot easier and she would have listened to me and told me that everything thing would be alright and it will pass and that my startup will work. But I guess this is how life works everything has expiry date and I shall lose everything and we all must die someday, I am starting to get worried about myself as I have been so depressed lately ( Always have been ) but now it feels a lot heavier to the point that I am starting to think it will not pass as usual, I just wish that it all goes away and for life to start working in my favor for once.

I guess I am losing my fucking mind!

[lowkeyayman]

Today I stopped the social media marketing campaign as it was not generating any traction, I started re thinking the whole Idea wether should I continue or not and thinking about If I were to continue i need a different approach. I am burdened with responsibilities and people that believe in me and my idea but this makes my soul heavier as I have to succeed for these people, My friends are telling me do not quit and keep on going and saying things like you are smart and you have the experience to make this work even someone said that if any body would know how to make this idea work it would be you and no one else, which is a great amount of support but this makes the burdens more and more heavy, What they do not know is that I need someone to support me emotionally, I know that I act tough from the outside and make it seem that I do not need anybody to help me or support me it almost like I make people believe that I do not have feeling but as a matter of fact I do have them and I am not as tough as I show people In reality I am just a young guy who want to survive and live a happy life with people who loves him around, But I guess I will never have this I will always be doomed of working and people will always look up to me to make them survive as I am the one who have experience and can provide guidance, But I am the one who needs guidance, I am the one who needs mental support, I am dying to sleep and have my body and mind get some rest, My body is not even approving on me not sleeping a always thinking, It started crumbling and showing symptoms of illness which makes me more depressed as I was considering myself an average looking person but now when I look in the mirror I despise myself. I just need support and people to stop hanging their hopes on me.

[lowkeyayman]

I guess this will be the place for me to empty my soul because no one is going to see it, I launched my startup a few days ago and it has been mentally draining to do that so I expected that it will boom but as I am a rational person I knew this won’t happen, it takes months to start working and sometimes years, But with that in mind it still feels like it will never work and I will never succeed as I am a loser, nothing ever worked for me in life even love I failed at it which is very depressing.

I have been trying for years and nothing seems to be working out, So I hope this one does as I can’t take it anymore, People might say that I am dramatic but as they say “ one is to many when enough is enough “

So let’s hope that it goes well as my life have been sooooo hard already with a lot of falling and many setbacks.

[lowkeyayman]

Well, I don’t want to tell this to any one but I need out of my system so I will post about it here as no one will read anyway, For the first time in my life I blacked out, I fainted which I thought would never happen to me, After almost 30 days of being awake working continuously on my startup and also doing my day job, after so many setbacks in the startup it was finally the day to launch, but for some reason that day was not easy, It was fucked at my day job and I had so many tasks, with 0 sleep and having a million scenarios in my head regarding the launch and being terrified about all of them, and speed running tasks for the start as the launching was getting closer every moment, all of this I went through easily then in the middle of all these things I see a book the someone once gave to me with bookmarks that was made for me and that reminded me of how happy and also naive i was, then a million flashbacks went through my head and I fucking blacked out in the middle of the office, at the worst time possible as I didn’t own the minutes or the hours to lose.

[lowkeyayman]

“I can’t exactly describe how I feel but it’s not quite right. And it leaves me cold.”

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

[lowkeyayman]

“I used to think I was the strangest person in the world but then I thought there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do.”

— Frida Kahlo

[lowkeyayman]

Finally after almost 7 years of not dropping a single tear from my eyes it happened, it happened over something that didn’t require for crying at all even though i ran into a lot of other situations in which I desperately needed to cry, although i can’t call what happened crying because it was like two or three tears but it felt amazing crying after all this years of drought in my eyes, it relieved me a bit while also making me somehow sorry for myself, but as much as I appreciate that I don’t cry “ even when i want it “ i also kinda envy the people that cry because they don’t bottle up their emotions, feelings and tears

[lowkeyayman]

Out of my head || Rezz & Shadow cliq

[lowkeyayman]

[lowkeyayman]

Prom dress || mxmtoon

[lowkeyayman]

Can't forget something that doesn't exist.

“Never forget the people who take time out of their day to check up on you.”

— Unknown

[lowkeyayman]

Black Hole || Griff

[lowkeyayman]

Beggin' || Måneskin

[lowkeyayman]

psychofreak || camila cabello-willow

[lowkeyayman]

All the time*

[lowkeyayman]

I don't know what to believe or what do i think anymore everything is blurry and I don't really know what to do, all i do actually know is that I'm hurt so deep to the point that I'm feeling like there's something breaking inside me and to the point that this pain reflected on my body so I'm experiencing physical pain, i never thought for even a moment that i would know how this pain feels.. but i guess destiny got this in store for me, So again I don't know what to believe, say or do.. I'm leaving everything including myself to the time to fix, and just pray and hope that time would do it's job as fast as possible before i collapse and go to the point of no return.

[lowkeyayman]