lpfreakification

[lpfreakification]

evil's natural enemy 🕷

[lpfreakification]

Figured I won't be able to sleep tonight

I slept for most of the day.

My body has been hating on me this weekend. Constant bathroom breaks ("WHY CANT I STOP PEEING???"), dehydration ("Did i drink water? *chugs it*"), and hunger every two hours ("HANGRY!!!"). Breakouts, too? ("Oh great 😑") I think I see: Period's coming, + my hormones are acting up again.

Thankfully, I picked up my refill on meds this past Friday.

Broken glasses have begun to annoy me. I haven't been wearing them much (except for driving bcuz i need them to actually see where im going). I do plan to get new ones b4 going to Michigan in about 2 weeks.

I'm losing hope again. Haven't had the motivation/energy to do anything, art-wise. My mind'- No. I can't involve "Me, Myself, + I" again. Then a*i*... Pretty much, depression mode 🙁

Classes... I did drop a repeated animation class in order to take Animated Series Development, which I've successfully secured 🙌

That's one class down that counts towards gaining more credits for graduation. Haven't looked at the 2nd one I need left 🤞I'm on the fence whether or not I wanna keep the Animation Figure Study II class. I've already taken it, + it won't count towards credits for graduation. Oh, wait... expensive. As soon as I secure that 2nd class, I'll drop Animation Figure Study II.

I've been playing Genshin Impact in the mornings + KH: DDD on Mondays, Thursdays, + Saturdays. I've been itching to replay TWEWY so badly. Instead, I get distracted by Genshin 😔

Kickboxing... good physical activity, so I can last longer. Unfortunately, my stomach + my right leg sometimes slow me down 😞 Queeziness +/or I put too much weight on my right leg. Despite going for four days a week, I feel consistently powerless. I know, I know, I can't be powerful all the time. Wish I could, thou. Can I please have a good week of kickboxing b4 my next period?????

Keep wanting to look at something else every minute. It's like, "Oh interesting... *few minutes later* ok, I'm bored, I wanna look at something else." My attention span is wanning.

I want to go to sleep. I can feel it in my eyes. My mind says nope.

Imma just go (watch some YouTube videos until I fall asleep).

[lpfreakification]

My age has caught up

Im 30.

I've turned 30 last month but was super busy with school that I didn't have the time to process it.

Having this free time this week b4 I plan out what I wanna do in July, I think im overwhelmed with options.

Reading this BL in the past hour doesn't help with my emotions. They make them go haywire. God, boys are cute 😭

My timing is terrible when it comes to dating. I think it was 2 or 3 years ago now that I read a BL manga called Love Doctor that got me into a spiral of emotions + an overwhelming longing for a boyfriend. I did try. He was alright. I could do better. Then school started.

This feels selfish of me wanting a boyfriend just to recreate fluffy yaoi moments. That's a delusional way of thinking, Perla! *whines*

From experience, I do have ideas:

Step 1: Go to a place of frequent visits (such as internet, Tumblr, school, computer lab, library, lobby, coffee place, restaurant, workplace???)

Step 2: Do my doodle thing until someone walks up to you + compliments them

Step 3: intros

Step 4: talk about work/hobbies

Step 5: Repeat steps 1 - 4

Step 6: Exchange contact info once u get comfortable/confident, when your face lights up when the other person arrives, or can't stop thinking about them.

... + idk. I never gotten as far as that 😅 I remember one piece of advice I was told that I struggle with, + suck at: follow-up/following up. Why does it have to take so much energy 😫

I feel troubled. I know that I don't really like to give, just take. Eventually, I will have to learn to give more often. I constantly think to myself that I'm gonna give them something in return for what they've given me. In the end, I can never physically execute those thoughts, and I end up wallowing in bed in guilt.

Either:

- depending on future boyfriend, I'd do anything

- stay the same

- feels the same way + we can both agree not to spend on each other but for ourselves.

...

Man, what am I doing with my life this week, wasting away in bed? I guess I'm just being lonely as hell since the wedding two weeks ago. Dammit, the cute aggression is stirring up.

Also, aren't I supposed to be taking a break after two months of animation grinding, too?

I... don't have a good work-life balance. I've explained this so many times, so I'll skip it. Hmmm, little bit of things here, little bit of things there, + a few days off for myself to do absolutely, positively nothing.

I do have an ideal routine that worked out so perfectly when I had an internship in 2020:

I did get the right idea of starting animation work at 8 am. After my sister's wedding, I started taking my meds earlier at 5:20 in the morning. Huh, the 9pm hour is still an accurate time for chilling. I have been falling asleep earlier than usual nowadays, b4 11pm.

...

Since I'm here, let's organize my ideas.

- KH:DDD

- Kickboxing

- School stuff

- Improving on some animations, need a specific list for that

- Haircut

Those are my main points. There's bound to be more little things in between that may come along the way. Like, my psychiatrist appointment tomorrow morning, the local annual 4th of July Parade, + Traverse City, Michigan in August (more details when the date draws near).

...

I'm feeling a bit better now that I got these thoughts out of my system :)

Imma go grab a cheesecake from the kitchen X)

Yep!

[lpfreakification]

So I heard it’s someone’s birthday today?

[lpfreakification]

Okay so I followed this video about foreshortening and…

Sycra. I love you so much for making this video.

[lpfreakification]

2/13/2024 TUESDAY Plan Of Attack

Meds at 5:19 am

Wake up by 6 am

Get up b4 6:11 am alarm rings

Bathroom break b4 6:26 alarm rings

Leave the house by 6:30 or 6:35 am

Catch the 6:52 train downtown

After arriving in the city, take the bus towards my building

Grab Starbucks after getting off the bus

Arrive + settle in my building by 8 am.

Finish up the Character Design hw assignment b4 11 am 😬 (if done early, chillax!)

Class at 11:50 am

Register for Spring Classes at 1:30 pm!!! (I emailed my figure study teacher that I'll be late for class bcuz of this)

Arrive late to my 2nd/last class of the day

After 3 p.m., get me some more of that Vivi Bubble Tea 😋

Arrive back at my building to finish up cleaning those key frames + get started on the blocking phase, fcol! 😫

Keep working until I get pooped + do something else, like doodle in the doodle notebook, look at classes, or do absolutely, positively nothing.

Knowing my dad will be in Indiana, I'll be staying in the city late, like til 9 pm.

Once picked up, dad + I will arrive home super exhausted by 9:30 pm.

Chill/be on my phone until I start yawning, around past 11 pm

Fall asleep by midnight or 1 am.

*Repeat steps 1 - 9 for the next two days*

And yeah...

Sux that delayed feedback cost me time (+ possibly effort) on this animation assignment 😑 I feel guilty for not showing any wip on IG for that reason (+ that I'm in public, so I can't play it loud). Once those key frames are cleaned up (+ not in public), then I can show IG (+ the roughs, too!).

It's almost my turn to register for spring classes 🫨 I haven't gotten a good grasp, but I have written down a few ideas. The hard part is racing along +/or against other classmates to get into those classes. Competition is fierce.

I remember this past Thursday, a classmate told the teacher they were gonna be late bcuz of registration. They looked ready to pounce for those classes. They later caught up with the rest of the class in the Art Institute. I hope that classmate got the classes they want.

*idea?* Ask a few familiar classmates about what classes they're going for 🙂 Not only to join them but to get ideas of what I want to take. I'll look at the school's Discord. The familiar-looking ones are quite active there.

Ah, good timing. It just turned 10 pm. Imma play some Genshin either for 1 or 2 hours or until I fall asleep.

Yep!

[lpfreakification]

Thinking about shape consistency in the animation workflow 🤔

Mainly on how I should go about cleaning up my key frames more efficiently + effectively for the sake of consistent-looking drawings thru out the animation process 🤔

It's bcuz in my last animation, I spent way too much time making my drawings consistent in the late stage of animating (in the in-between phase).

My teacher recommends checking the shape consistency early in the animation workflow (after the rough thumbnails have been timed).

Idea number 1: duplicate the timed animation, put it close to each other, + with the persistence of vision, flip thru the key drawings. When that's done, match the timing with the original rough thumbnails.

Idea number 2: duplicate the timed animation, put it close to each other, + use the line tool (on a vector layer) to draw over the rough thumbnails. The catch is that I'll have to repeat these steps after I time out the blocking + breakdown phases.

Imma try the 1st idea to see how that goes.

Nervous + yet, eager to redeem myself in this department ✊️😤

Yep!

[lpfreakification]

1/19/2024 FRIDAY (Weekend) Plan Of Attack

Assignments:

[TOP PRIORITY] (DUE MONDAY) The cleaner, smoother animation of the flour sack with personality

(Due Tuesday) (×5) pages of sketches based on a character description

(Due Tuesday) (×1) page with a final sketch of the created character based on that character description.

(Due Thursday) Scan/take good quality pics of the gesture drawings we did in class to turn in (easiest one)

Now, onto the Plan Of Attack...

[FRIDAY THE 19TH] (main hw day)

1. Start off with doing as much animation work as I can with some coffee in the morning (-> The 1st hundred frames are holds so, ill aim for at least the 1st 200 or so frames done by the end of the day/night)

2. Once I start to feel pooped from animating, I'll switch over to do one or two pages of the Character Design assignment.

3. Knowing me, I may end up napping or taking an extended break somewhere after 4pm.

4. Do a little bit more animating until either 7pm or 9pm, depending on how much energy I got left.

[SATURDAY THE 20TH]

5. Kickboxing at 8:30 am (there wasn't one available on Friday morning, so I booked one for this day)

6. Shower 🚿

7. Do more of my animation work (-> hoping for another hundred frames or so 🙏)

8. Once I'm pooped from animating, I'll switch over to do another page for Character Design.

9. I'm certain I'll be super pooped by like 5pm or 6pm, so I may end up taking an extended break.

10. A tiny bit more animating by 7pm or 9pm.

[SUNDAY THE 21ST] (Crunch Time!)

11. Just focus on the animation work thru-out the day!!!

12. If im lucky to finish early + got some energy on me still, then I could do another one or two pages for Character Design 🤔 (hoping for two so I could do that final sketch page on Monday morning 🤞)

I'm already in bed, so I didn't feel like whipping out my pens + physical write it down. I nearly forgot to do this b4 falling asleep. No yawns yet. Yet.

I got a lot ahead of me this weekend 😵‍💫 My sister's due very soon, like within the next 6 days. I'm gonna be an aunt 😫

Wish me luck this weekend!

Nite yall!

*stays up more anyway looking at yaoi + reading haikaveh domestic fluff fanfics)

[lpfreakification]

Okie dokes, a nice page full of DaArk doodles X) The 1st six was just playing with different red pencils (again). The Prismacolor Col-Erase + the Uni Mitsubishi Arterase Color were the best two. The last one was playing around with a few colored pencils. Most of them are Col-Erase. All this to test out an electric pencil sharpener I got on Amazon. Small, portable, + rechargeable. Point wise, not bad in length. I used a smaller sharpener to get that tip super pointy for me.

Random outfit. I can tell I used a dark red fineliner to sketch. Then black, red, gold, + light blue to color. Neon yellow gel pen for highlights + BOOM! Nice icings on the cake ☺️

Oh, this crazy pencil doodle 🤣 it was after the previous post that I wanted to play with the 0.7mm H + 0.2mm HB lead pencils again. I was in the mood to make a funny face. With all my might, I was feeling the expression with my face muscles + pulled this off. It's easily the best doodle on this page, imo.

The last two I did just now were just to fill up the rest of the page. A red gel pen doodle without guidelines. A tiny DaArk pen doodle. That is all. *yawns* ooo, a nice time to be tired :)

Yep!

#doodlenotebookpages ... #lpfocdaark

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[lpfreakification]

2023 Schaumburg Adventure Post!

I'll actually start from the Plan Of Attack I created this morning.

1. Left the house with money given to me from dad.

The default outfit I wore all day (with my lovely assistant + husband, Axel ☺️)

2. Recognized a store clerk I haven't seen in a long time. He was the one who taught me how to buy gas from the counter. ("$.. on pump #... please") I told him how lots had changed the last time I saw him. He asked if I still worked at my old job next door. That was one of the big changes I mentioned: me leaving my old job of 6 years to focus more on school + how I'll be quitting my other job in January b4 school starts again. After a nice bit of catch-up, I filled up my car + went to Target.

3. I was able to stop at Target to find what my brother's fiance wanted: a pair of dumbells. I quickly texted my brother if this brand + set was ok. Thankfully, he answered fast + got a yes. Yes! Not knowing I'd find a set like this, I didn't grab a cart (had a basket instead) + was hauling this with my two arms thru out the store 😵‍💫

Also managed to grab an item of food my brother wanted for Xmas + some grapes for the kickboxing Xmas party.

It was quite an endurance test bcuz an old lady was in front of me. I kept thinking to myself, "damn, I should've grabbed a cart if I knew I'd find this. At least, this is a good workout for my arms."

I was able to set these dumbells on the ground as I waited in line. I lightly scooted my basket as I carried the heavy item 😵‍💫 I was telling myself that if someone asked how I'm doing, I'd say I'd be sweaty.

As I was approaching the next available self-checkout, that's when my coworkers from my old job ran into me with their Starbucks drinks. Hugged one fully + the other carefully bcuz she had Starbucks drinks. Ha, I was right about a person asking how I was doing, + my response was being sweaty 😆 One grabbed a cart for me as they saw my struggle. Once she came back, I was catching up as I was scanning my items. My Plan Of Attack, the coffee for the guys back at my old job, Genshin (Sumeru is gonna be long), + their recent cheer conference 😄 I finished scanning + paying as we parted ways. That encounter cheered me up, too (my reason is on IG Stories). I can't help but remember how much my favorite manager loves his pink drinks X3

(Quickly doodled my favorite manager from memory)

(He's still such a bad@$$! 😍)

4+5 I'll skip bcuz I got everything at Target + used the atm drive-thru. Nothing eventful.

6. I showed up at 1:30. It was locked. I definitely had a good time jamming in the car to Linkin Park's Faint, Cascada's Every Time We Touch, + The Killers' Somebody Told Me as I waited. Didn't take too long until the owners came to open the door + set up. I set down the grapes + jammed to Linkin Park's More The Victim.

[Time out, I need to drown out the sound of praying with loud Linkin Park >B( *does that, starting with A Place For My Head* Much better 😊 Ok, time in 😚]

They were setting up the majority of the time I was there. I set a timer to 45 minutes so I wouldn't lose track of time. I mostly (happy) danced to whatever music was playing in the bg, whether hard or soft.

The best part during my short time was that there was one of my kickboxing classmates dressed up as Santa! He brought some homemade habanero jam with cream chese + crackers. Normally, I don't like spicy foods (despite having a "spicy" personality at times). However, I was a bit curious. I had a bit of heat kicks underneath my tongue. I surprised myself that I liked it??? The Santa classmate was right: my mouth wasn't on fire, + no steam coming out of my ears 😂 He looked like he was happy that I liked it.

[Aw, my speaker died. Faint was next 😭 *listens* Ah, silence. Good.]

There was another dip made from Little Debbie's cakes + Nilla wafers. It was too sweet, even for me, the one with the sweet tooth. Strangely enough, the Habanero jam was more memorable. The sweet dip's 2nd

As I hung out, I checked my phone + saw my very pregnant sister wanting me to pick her up on the way back 🙃 It's not bcuz it's far (it's actually close), it's my fear of driving with passengers ever since... *flashback* My car accident in February 2021? 2022? (the day Russia invaded Ukraine). Long story short, bad weather + got hit in the passenger side, totaling my previuos red car. I was lying to the internet about "losing my car" + kept that a low profile so they wouldn't freak out as much + didn't want unwanted attention. I was like, "Are you sure???" (Clearly still traumatized)

It's too bad people were trickling in by 2:30, aka the time I had to leave. So I said my goodbyes, + left with a plate of food.

(It's a good thing I bought + brought the grapes, or else it would've looked bad, grabbed food, and + not contribute anything)

7. And so, I drove to my preggo sister's place, I switched to the passenger side, + she drove my car back to the house. What a relief! I was so scared of driving a passenger, let alone, the very pregnant sister.

8. The main event: the Schaumburg Adventure Post!

We didn't enter thru our usual entrance at the now-extincted Sears. Instead, it was like the opposite side of the mall. It's like standing in one place + starting to spin around in circles in one direction + then spinning around in the other direction. It feels weird.

1st store I saw was SuperDry. I fell in love with this store when I went to Washington DC in 2018 😍 The hoodie im wearing rn is fron SuperDry. I managed to try on two sports bras. The size 8 is a tight fit but good for keeping my chest in place. The size 12 is a comfortable fit but doesn't secure my chest as well. The siblings weren't too sure of the initial sizes, henced the reason i tried them on. As i was leaving, the preggo sister arrived. I showed her the two items i tried on. Needless to say, I got both.

Urban Outfitters, i got my other brother a candle that says "Magic S***" + two Pokémon card packs.

Next, Sephora. *c+p Twitter post*

"The line at Sephora is incredibly long. It's not my favorite place to be in, considering how anti-makeup I am. I'm near halfway there only to find out that someone already got the thing but didn't mark it as "Bought."

F*** it, imma buy it anyway so my time won't be in vain." - 12/3/2023 4:50 PM SUNDAY...

(I also bought an item online for her, just in case >BP)

Vera Bradley - a black lanyard strap for myself

Too Cool - An Aggretsuko pencil case + more OHSHC stickers 😍

Box Lunch - initially, I bought two bib sets for my future nephew. As soon as I got out of the line, The Blue Eyes White + Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragons pins caught my attention. I went back in line + bought them 😅

Hot Topic - I was looking at the band shirts. Obviously, I was looking at the Linkin Park shirts. I was like, "I already have that one, I already have that one, + oh? I don't have this one o.o" It was the One More Light shirt. What a find for me! And I got loads of pins/buttons. I resonate with the big crying corgi one the most (bcuz this was when I was running low on money).

Mall - I found this timeline that wasn't here b4 😮 Apparently, it's this mall's 50th anniversary. Woah.

I took pics so I could read it later, + there's also a link to all these pics + history:

https://click.simon.com/woodfield-mall-50th-anniversary-lp

Needless to say, A LOT has changed. I think I'll make a separate post on that. I think.

The mall was close to closing.

I traveled towards the old Sears entrance. The Rainforest Cafe is now Peppa Pig World 😢 The 1st floor of the now-extincted Sears is closed off. The 2nd floor has been replaced with "Primark". Combining descriptions of what my sister + dad say, it's like a Kmart version of Forever 21? Idk, I can't really wrap my head around it bcuz it's so new, the vibe + fashion isn't for me, + I'm still holding onto my childhood nostalgia of Sears.

I quickly visited F.Y.E. nearby. It triggered a memory of buying yaoi Manga there. Thus triggered another memory of being a bookstore that had so much more yaoi Manga. My memory has served me correctly of where it was located, but it was too late.

(Noooooooooo!!!!!) The mall was closing up at this point, so some stores were already closed 😞 I could've redeemed myself to get Heavens official blessing, but then again, I haven't touched my yaoi Manga all year long 😨

As I was making my way towards the exit, one last store caught my attention.

Ximi-V - This was where I went ballistic with pen shopping. I had trouble with paying bcuz I didn't have enough, so I put some things back + reduced my purchase by half. In short, I bought 8 pen refills, 6 pens, a multipen, + a mini Zhongli mirror ☺️

(I can only fit 10 pics on a Tumblr post so words will have to do)

Of those 6 pens, one of them was a mystery Genshin pen. Apparently, I grabbed their last one. The character I got was the Raiden Shogun (a very powerful character in the game). A lucky find for me. Although, it looks like I can fit a Zebra Sarasa +/or Pentel Energel ink refill in half of these pens. The barrels look cute, though 😍

I was the last person to meet up with everyone else this time because of how ballistic I was in that last store.

Overall, stores were relocated (like Urban Outfitters), some stores are gone (like where I found the Sora bust last year), + more anime stores are popping up. 🤔 I feel like it'll get overwhelming by the next one or two years. It was a good nice + short visit this time around. Either bcuz we had a short amount of time or bcuz we're getting older, thus getting slower. Oh yeah, there's online shopping, too.

9. We went to City Works to dine. We all had to run to the bathroom b4 we got settled into our seats. The men were hypnotized to the football game on TV, the women were feeling baby's kicks, + I was lost in thought. About my purchases, my plan of attacks, + ideas. Ordered two drinks, my usual amount, + devoured my food. I felt like I wasn't satisfied enough + didn't want dessert. Usually, I drink my 1st drink fast, + my 2nd drink is slow due to the amount of food I just ate.

10. Finally, I will end this post (+ Plan Of Attack) now that I've been home, + been writing this for the past 3 hours 🫠 Time is short. I want to catch up on Genshin b4 I actually fall asleep. I got kickboxing in the morning, too. Ultimate question: How should I go about publishing this to Twitter if Twitter Circles are now gone?

Option 1 - upload link publicly (+ make sure siblings don't see)

Option 2 - dm this to my two favorite mutuals (you guys know who you are 😎)

Option 3 - Figure out some alternative?

Option 4 - don't, + leave it here on Tumblr.

I'll see to this (eventually?)

Nite y'all!

[lpfreakification]

Yay! December! ❄️☃️

[lpfreakification]

some of you haven’t had an unnatural obsession with a video game character and it shows :/

[lpfreakification]

Yay more doodly naked men. -sobs incredibly-. Beware, a tiny fanfic is attached to this one.

[lpfreakification]

10/16-17/2023 Plan Of Attack

Eat rn

Work on pushing the overlapping animation assignment more for the next two hours

Attend the last kickboxing class of the night

Go home, shower, eat :P

Work on the overlapping animation assignment a little more until I fall asleep?

(The next day...)

Meds, go back to sleep for another hour, Memento Mori mobile game for a good half hour.

Work, work, work on animating*

Winter Registration starts at 3:30, will eye on the clock when the time comes close.

Continue animating, duh.

Turn in what I got for the overlapping action animation assignment b4 midnight this time X)

If my body starts to weaken, that'll be a sign for me to be done for the day/night.

*It all depends on how much effort I'm gonna put in my overlapping action assignment. All my time + effort had been going towards the walk cycle performance animation 👌

As much as I wanna continue that assignment rn, I gotta switch gears towards the overlapping action one. That one's due 1st.

Just got done eating, so let's go!

[lpfreakification]

Drifting 2 slumber + unprepared

*yawns* Did nothing all day again but play Genshin in bed. Hey, at least I me Zhongli 🤤 *yawns*

Period came early this time XP i wasn't expexting it until next week. Couldn't go kickboxing today like I wanted to. Each time I get off the bed, it's a matter of time b4 gravity assists w/ the flow. "Mad dash to the bathroom in 3... 2... 1...!" I say to myself every morning during period XP

Anyway...

Here's what my days will sorta look like.

(Forgot to mention that I'll be doing some school work on Tuesday + Thursday)

Bcuz I'm (stupid/dumb) lazy, I didn't prepare my backpack w/ my tablet, Tourbox, some notebooks, + pens (duh). Didn't wash my hair, so I'll just put on the blue hat with the round black ears. *sets alarm* Good.

*idea?* Had the idea of taking 2 certain paints w/ me to work on the "other items" in between classes tomorrow.

My mind's like, "Perla, you had all year to do this + kept saying you'll finish it but barely. Now that school's tomorrow, you gotta shift focus towards your animation studies to get a good career, meet a future boyfriend, get married, yadda yadda yadda..."

Me: "please dont..."

My mind: "you made that 1st pic so quick but took you all year for the 2nd pic!"

Me: "I wanted them to have one too!"

Me towards my mind:

My mind's not being nice tonight. I want to blame hormones on this, too. Looks like I stopped yawning? Welp, imma go to sleep.

Nite yall 😔

[lpfreakification]

Unorganized thoughts?

1. Felt quite on top of things during work tonight to make up for being lazy all week. Either that or hormones. Blaming period XP

2. Doodled during work felt good, too. I doodled another (human) Dratica head that made me realize that I need to practice drawing heads again. Tried to remember my proportions on the next doodle. Almost elongated the face again 😅 Lastly, doodled from a nicely rendered face of Cloud. Got the head/face shapes right, but the eyes = yikes? Could've done better on the eyes, ngl.

3. Made me feel nostalgic about how I used to draw from pictures on my PSP so often X3 (I miss it)

4. Summers this decade have been quite eventful.

2020 = COVID-19 Pandemic

2021 = Chris' gaming lovestreams + the start of my KH journey XD

2022 = online drawing sessions + shiny watercolors

2023 = successful summer plans >X) (+ Gensin)

5. The Void... what was once a dark hole where lost words go. Now, don't need it anymore :)

6. Thinking about doing the ReCoded finale b4 the semester starts on Sept 6th or closer to the date 🤔 That way, I can get Peli done in time.

7. So glad I'm not going to the beach tomorrow. It's usually an uncomfortable time bcuz of the heat, mosquitos, feeling worse about my belly in a bathing suit, the sand 🙃, ofteb awful timing bcuz of period, socializing XP, + not fond of going in the water (hydrophobic maybe?).

8. If DaArk's human name were to be Derrick, what would Dratica's human name be? 🤔 One time in Acting for Animators, one classmate thought he'd look like a "Blake." Dumbfounded, + yet, it's been lingering in my head since.

9. I wanna add some chub to some OCs so I can feel better about my belly 😖

10. Elephant :P I wanna draw an elephant?

11. I'm honestly don't like my phone's camera for taking pics of my doodles. I feel like they come out blurry no matter how many times I try to focus. That's the main reason for the lack of uploading doodles on IG X( I'll figure this out eventually XP

12. I pretend to be a viewer reading this. I ask myself, "Is this interesting?" Sometimes. Like a pen that writes, but then skips or like a light bulb burning bright but dims, flickers, or glows again.

13. I'm feeling more conscious about the top of my back + the back of my neck. Conscious of how I recline, how I lay in bed (side sleeper, i am), slouching, + bending over to doodle (to the point my whole face is up close to the paper 🙂).

14. Ew. My mind's imagining how much heavy breathing I've done while I painted. *thinks back to the last one I made* 😐 Thank goodness I did not get covid! (Maybe I did but didn't know).

15. Quite the physical toll on me this year. From January to March, I went to the gym. But wasn't feeling it + would feel quite sickly (like sneezing, constant runny nose, + got stomach flu for the 1st time?). From late March to early June, sitting on my butt for 2 months straight, doing two two-minute animations for a semester. It was such a wise decision to leave my main day job bcuz that was a lot of work for those animations. Noticed gray hairs for my bday. (I'm a 29yo lady!) Got super lazy after the semester until late June. Went back to kickboxing. July was a better productive month. Currently, August, where my period's sucking up my energy. Nah, I'm just being lazy again?

It's 11:48 pm + I can feel myself drifting off to sleep. Imma end it here. If they're going to the beach + the weather is favorable, then I can go out to the backyard to do something.

Nite yall!

(OMG, I FOUND MY FAVORITE GIF AGAIN!)

(It's the "dreamplz" gif from DeviantArt)

(I used to end my posts w/ this gif all the time + I miss this so much 😭)

[lpfreakification]

Life is but a bad mobile game...

You pay to win. Spend. Save. Go broke. Unable to wait til tomorrow. Buy more play money. Spend. Wallow. Acceptance. Sleep. It all repeats.

I've been having this thought for the past 3 days. Let's say Person B has been given a huge boost in life by Person A. Yay, now Person B's got everything they want... until tomorrow. It's only a matter of time b4 either:

1. Person B runs out of boost or 2. The guilt of cheating themselves eats Person B alive just as they were b4 the boost. In the end, *refraining from LP this time* Person B still feels unaccomplished :(

No matter how many times Person B will go to Person A for help aka more boosts, the cycle repeats. Eventually, Person A will go broke, move on to another investment, or the boosts will become worthless.

I feel bad in two ways.

1. If I were to spoil my future SO, then they can't become independent, will feel bad, + feel worse over time. (Ok, thatz pretty much me).

2. The main reason I stopped playing mobile games years back was bcuz of how much it ate my savings. Now, it's eating my time + energy. (Ok, + savings too still).

I don't have anything good/hopeful to end with. It's one of those nights where I can get philosophical(?). It's still bright out for 8:27 pm + my right hand hurts :P (I think I'm too Genshin'd out now).

Mini 3rd way why I'm feeling bad: spending money to fill the void in of my dark depressed heart.

I'll just get lost in thought as I look at the ceiling now.

Yep.