lukael

[lukael]

If you like super in-depth and insightful let's plays that actually take the time to explore and understand the lore, my best bro @lukael has been going through Cyberpunk 2077 as well and has quite a few vids out already!

He is taking a very merciful approach to Night City as The Violet Phantom of the Bakker Nomad Clan.

Well worth a view!

[lukael]

it doesn’t have to be good it just has to be done

[lukael]

Set of Mass Effect OC commissions for @starthefoxhound 😌

lukael.carrd.co to get your own!

[lukael]

Haven't finished any new art in forever, but a year after starting it, here's a best girl Ringo from Soul Hackers 2! just had to draw her glowing in the dark

[lukael]

Long time no draw my girlies! a Kat & Raven commish for WolfgangMiakoda

I'm rusty lol

[lukael]

I'm opening 6 limited slots for busts like this one of your OC or character with a Santa hat / any other Christmas or winter-themed accessory you'd like. Until Christmas or until all slots are taken! 🎅🎄❄️

Looking to have these completed by Christmas if I can! Send me a DM or an email at lukaeldesign@gmail.com if you'd like one! Paypal only! Sharing appreciated!

[lukael]

So here's the rundown of @lukael's surprise visit.

He and my bf planned this since March, leaving me in the dark(everyone else knew though, my other friends and family and Luk's as well). We'd always talked about him coming down here since I went to visit him in 2014. It just never seemed possible due to certain circumstances. So it's been 10 years lol.

Everyone expected me to scream like I do when I saw him in my house, but I literally just went silent and laid on the floor in shock 😂

I feel so lucky to have him in my life for as long as I have 🥺

[lukael]

*gets down on one knee* I want to make a shared oc universe with you

[lukael]

@lukael, my non Dragon Age cultured bro having a Time watching me hype 😂

[lukael]

having feelings atm

[lukael]

Look at this adorable Charlie from @veroronique !

Absolutely love how she came out!

Please consider commissioning her in the future!

[lukael]

It's that time again

Man I always feel bad when posting long ass rants on tumblr, but this place is basically the last one where I feel I can actually speak my mind because nobody really gives a shit on here, and I mean that in the best way lol sometimes I just have this jumbled mess of thoughts in my brain and I just need to let it all out, yknow?

Anyways.... I feel like over the last 1-2 years I'd been in a pretty nice groove with drawing multiple images per months (almost exclusively commissions, but still that's something) but things have died down so much to the point where I'm not getting more than like... maybe 1 or TWO commissions per month if I'm lucky. Social medias have just all gone to shit, and maybe because the general mood is down, or because the economy is bad, or because I haven't been posting enough? like who knows the fucking reason at this point, I don't even really wanna know. It means I've been making basically no money but that's not what I wanna talk about

So the whole time I was busy with comms, I was like "oh man I sure hope I get some time to draw my own stuff soon" and I was in this mode for soooo fucking long, and now that I finally have the time, I just.... I got nothing. I haven't been drawing anything for like 2-3 months, I have no inspiration, no motivation.... Like 70% of my time has been going to making videos for my channel, and that's been fulfilling in its own way?? kinda? I've just kinda been doing it on autopilot tbh, because I don't think I'm good at it, and because 99% of the viewership doesn't interact with videos it feels like they don't exist yknow? So like I get these hundreds of regular viewers every week but it doesn't feel like it, I still don't feel like an actual "Let's Player" and not sure what I'd even need to feel that way at this point, but anyways

So I haven't been drawing, and it's really weighing on me. I've talked about it many times before, but my sense of self and my identity is so tied to my being an artist, it's something I've always wrestled with, so whenever I'm not making art, I feel like I'm failing at being me, if that makes sense. The desire is there, I still "want to be an artist", whatever that even means when you're just not drawing?? I just feel lost man. After years and years and years of consuming so much art online, I'm stuck in this constant loop of wanting my art to look like other people's and of not knowing who I even am as an artist. Am I just envy? jealousy? Do I have anything artistic to even offer to the world other than attempting to replicate artists that I like?

When I was a little kid, I started drawing my trying to replicate the art in like instruction booklets of games I owned, doing Marios and Megamans, and then moved on to trying to draw like Toriyama and Dragon Ball.... it's what gets you started as a kid, but I realize it just hasn't changed after all this time, I'm still just trying to copy what others are doing. I get enamored and impressed by the amazing artists I find online, but maybe it's also the worst thing that could happen to my art.

Like I'll do these pictures where I emulate someone's style and it'll look halfway decent, but that's not me... I don't know what my own style is supposed to be. And this has been going on for years, Audrey could attest to it, it just feels worse now because I really just..... don't even draw much anymore. The whole time I was working on commissions I'd say "i really need some time off so I can do some exploration and figure out who I am as an artist and what style I wanna do moving forward". Well, now I've got the time, but I still don't know, and I have no motivation to figure it out, nor do I even know where I'd start. And it's got me feeling like shit because again........ I'm supposed to be "an artist".... yknow?

And there's other factors playing into it, just the general apathy we've all kinda been feeling due to GenAI obviously, and the death of social media platforms for art, and just........ a lot of this negative shit is definitely affecting me and my motivation to create.... it's not that I've ever made art just to show it online, but if nobody is gonna see it, why even create yknow?

Anyways the solution would be to finally go get some therapy but again I'm fucking broke so obviously that's not happening, I'll have to settle for ranting on here instead

[lukael]

My attempt at a ScottMalin-style Merrin

Didn't quite get it right but was still a fun style exercise!

[lukael]

I would like to apologize to every single one of my wips ever

[lukael]

one of the most frustrating moods is Desperate Need to Create Something, Anything + persistent lack of motivation/attention/ability/time/inspiration/energy to do so 

[lukael]

spending all that time on a drawing only to decide its very ugly

[lukael]

Has anyone done this yet lol