lunabo17

[lunabo17]

Awakening the Sun

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Bloodweave, male Farmer/Hayden

Aster always had dreams, and each one felt like a strange puzzle, another life. When he moves to Mistria to get away from his father, a man he thought he once loved, he will discover his dreams may indeed be more than he originally thought.

Part 1 and 2

https://archiveofourown.org/works/69559576/chapters/180418306

In his dreams, he stood close to someone, but he couldn't quite see their face. He knew them, loved them, their hands clasped tight. The sky was red with swirls of purple, and he knew this was an end. 

The man beside him squeezed his hand, pushing long brown and gray hair behind his ear. His lips moved, but he couldn't hear the words, yet they turned to face each other, stepping closer, before embracing. He could feel the world falling apart around them, but their lips met in a gentle kiss. 

"I love you," said the man said, and...

A knocking made his hazel eyes snap open, sitting up in the  carriage. 

"Ser, I apologize, but this is the closest I can get you to Mistria."

Aster opened the door, grabbing his small pack of essentials, and giving the carriage driver a tight smile. "It's quite all right. I can make it the rest of the way."

"Be careful. The earthquake certainly left a lot of instability."

He was no stranger to danger. Once upon a time, he had been content to spend time with his family. They weren't the wealthiest of families, but they certainly had quite a few comforts. Yet as he grew older, his comfort changed to unease. Perhaps it was the dreams that plagued him. Sometimes he saw his father in them, his lips twisted into a snarl, blood dripping down his face, red eyes glowing. 

So he joined the Adventurer's Guild, picking random jobs. The more jobs he took, the more he realized he enjoyed exploring, and enjoyed just the little bit of danger. More importantly, it got him away from home. 

The job in Mistria was an unusual one, and yet the opportunity to own a bit of land for himself felt too good to pass up. He hadn't been certain whether he would be chosen as the candidate, but he felt joy when he received word from their ruler, this Adeline, that he was invited. 

He knew the work would take years, the goal to rebuild Mistria to it's former glory a difficult task. There were whispers of magic and danger in the area, though very little concrete information. 

His parents had been distraught that he planned to leave, but promised they would visit. He almost felt guilty. Almost, if not for his continued unease.

The road wasn't necessarily perilous for him, though the main road was certainly destroyed. He simply picked his way slowly towards his destination. He paused for a moment, studying a nearby sign when he heard someone call to him.

A man stood on the other side of a river, the path destroyed, large pieces of the road in the water. 

“Hey! Are you the new farmer Adeline has been talking about?”

Aster carefully jumped across, earning a chuckle from the stranger, who held out his hand. “You’re Aster, right? Name's Balor, a traveling merchant. Spent all day hauling a bunch of stuff over here after the road was destroyed. I guess my cart has a semi-permanent residence here.”

“That seems…bad for business.”

“It is, but not much I can do with the road busted. Thankfully, I have a bit of a soft spot for Mistria. Let me show you to your farm.”

They chatted about the state of Mistria, the damage the earthquake brought, destroying many locations, as well as the strange lanterns, buzzing energy. He mentioned how he spotted some unusual creatures nearby. 

As the sun began to lower, they made it to a plot of land filled with rocks, trees, and branches, a small house, and a pink-haired stranger pacing outside. His clothes were quite elegant and fine, the signs of royalty. However, he wondered at the pink hair, though he supposed he couldn't talk; his hair was white and gray around his slightly pointed ears.

“I'll leave you in Eiland's hands. Good luck. Visit me some time.” Balor gave this Eiland a wink, the young man blushing furiously. 

“Aster! A pleasure! I was just attempting to convince Adeline to let me help her tidy your house, but she won't listen to me.”

“Adeline? As in the current leader of Mistria? Cleaning my house? I…ah…”

The sounds of a man yelling interrupted his next words, the sounds of hooves hitting the ground growing louder. A horse of silver and white, her mane like silver strands, was barreling towards them.

Aster didn't think, pushing Eiland out of the way before the horse trampled the smaller man. He himself wasn't exactly a small individual, and he certainly had gained some muscles working in the guild. However, he knew this was going to be quite painful. 

He held out his arms, standing his ground, though he didn't believe he could stop the horse. To his utter surprise, the horse actually slowed down, even giving a whinny as she approached. A man was running towards them.

“Silver! Dammit, girl! You could have…”

Their eyes met, hazel and brown, and for a moment, Aster felt his world tilt a little. Everything around them became a mere background, and all he could see was the large man, his cheeks flushed from running, the strong arms that clearly knew physical labor, but also a body that enjoyed food and relaxation. There were laugh lines around his kind eyes and his smiling mouth. The man pushed long brown and silver hair behind his ears. 

“Well now,” began the man, his voice filled with amusement. “I suppose that's one way to meet the new farmer.”

The sound of a door banging open broke Aster's reverie, and he watched as a pretty woman, her long hair also pink, stepped out of the little house.

“What is going on out here? Eiland!! Why are you in the dirt?”

“Gods and Goddesses, I apologize,” he said softly, helping the young man to his feet. 

“It's my fault, I'm afraid. Silver galloped away from me, and looked like she would trample Eiland and Aster. Our new farmer pushed your brother so he wouldn't get hurt.” 

“My goodness! Thank you so much, Aster.” The woman he assumed was Adeline took his hands for a moment, and he tensed. “I'm so happy no one was hurt, but Hayden? Why would Silver do this? She's never ran from you before.”

Aster looked to the man he now had a name for. Silver was ignoring everyone, pushing his hand as if for attention. 

“I don't rightly know, except she's certainly taking an interest in our farmer.”

“I apologize?” He stroked Silver's forehead, the horse clearly pleased with the attention.

His words made Hayden laugh, a deep, booming thing, but not demeaning; it was the sound of warm merriment. “Ain't a reason to apologize for something not your fault. I usually don't have animals run on me, but I have a handful that will take a tour of the town on occasion. Guess I can add Silver to the list.”

“Truly, thank you for protecting me “ Eiland said, placing a hand on his upper arm. “I appreciate that you thought to protect me instead of jumping to safety.”

Were all the people of Mistria so kind and forgiving? It was a little disconcerting. He was used to dealing with all sorts of people, some quite unsavory. So far, everyone was quite cheerful. Perhaps they were all members of a murderous cult, waiting for him to drop his guard, and then they would strike.

“Your house is ready to go. I'm sorry it took a little longer than expected, but come see me at the manor tomorrow, and we can discuss some plans to begin rebuilding Mistria.”

“Ah, thank you, Lady Adeline…”

“Just Adeline, please. We all work together. We'll see you tomorrow!” 

Aster watched as the two in charge gave waves to them, before making their way back to wherever this manor was in town. After a few moments, his gaze returned to the remaining party, surprised the man didn't say anything. Hayden had his head silently tilted, reminding him of a cat trying to solve a puzzle. 

“You have good land here, Aster. I tried to keep the area somewhat tamed, but the land ain't mine. It didn't feel right to do things without permission.”

“You live near, then?”

“Right beside you. Sweetwater Farm. I have a few crops, but mostly I handle livestock. I could…”

Even with the sun setting, Aster could see the pink tinging Hayden's cheeks. When the man didn't continue, he prompted, “What could you do?”

“W-well, I was going to say I could help clear some things here. If ya don’t mind, of course.”

They were about the same height, though Hayden probably was far more used to farm work, if his arm muscles said anything. “I hate to pull you away from your own farm.”

Hayden smiled, and Aster felt his own cheeks warm. “It's all right. I can come by for a bit in the late morning, after I've done my morning routine.”

Putting his pride to the side, he nodded. “I would appreciate it. I've done quite a bit of adventuring, but this will be different.”

“I could tell!” Hayden's face grew entirely red, the blush spreading downwards to his chest. “I…I…sorry! I wasn't staring!”

“You weren't? That's a shame.” Aster hid his laughter.

Why was it so easy to say such things around this stranger? He hardly enjoyed the touch of others, let alone the stares and crude whispers of others. Many attempted to touch him, some simply wanting his body, others wishing for his money. He had broken a few wrists with the more forceful individuals, and yet here he was flirting with this stranger as if they had known each other for years.

“Get some rest, Aster. I'm sure you've had a long trip. C'mon, Silver.”

The horse stomped her foot. 

“Is she typically this stubborn?” 

Hayden laughed. “Now, Silver, dear. I know you want to help Aster here, but he does need to get some rest, and he doesn't have a place for you, yet. Now be a dear, and let him get some sleep.”

To his surprise, Silver moved over to Hayden, giving a small whiney. Could the man speak with animals? 

“We'll visit tomorrow, I promise.” Hayden gave him a wink and a wave, before leading Silver away.

What strange people! 

~

“Did you believe you could ever escape me?” The shadows whispered. He pivoted, looking around, trying to find the source of the words, but there was nothing around him. 

“Show yourself, you coward!”

Laughter echoed around him. “Poor, little star, all alone. You'll always be alone. You are mine, and I will take the power you stole from me!”

Something lunged at him, something with red eyes, and grabbed him around his throat.

His eyes snapped open, his pulse beating quickly, and he was growing rather tired of these nightmares. He had tried all manners of things to deal with them, but even if he had a day or two of respite, they would always seep back in. 

Perhaps he was simply cursed. He dressed quickly, foregoing breakfast for the moment, and left his small, but surprisingly comfortable, home. He certainly expected a run down shack, but apparently Mistrians believed in welcoming everyone with some comfort. 

He made his way to the Town proper, and as he passed one of the houses, a blonde lady approached him. 

“My name's Celine! My parents, Holt and Nora, own the general store. I wanted to give you a house warming gift from several of us in the town!” She handed him a few tools for the farm, as well as a few flower seeds. The tools looked as if they had been used before, little nicks here and there, but sturdy, the handles new. “They used to belong to the old owners of the farm. I'm sorry they're not new. We've had some trouble getting resources since the Earthquake, so we did our best with what we had.”

“I imagine these will work well enough until we can get back on our feet.”

“Yes, you're right! Well, if you do need anything, just let any of us know!”

Celine was kind enough to point him in the direction of the manor, and so he made his way there, ignoring the stares along the way. 

As it turned out, Adeline and Eiland were just as enthusiastic during the day as they were in the evening, ushering him into the dining hall. There were pastries on the table, as well as coffee and water. Several people sat at the table, including an older woman. 

“Aster, this is our great aunt and advisor, Elsie.”

“Charmed, my dear. I've heard your family is quite well off.”

He managed not to wince at the reminder of why he practically ran away from his own home. “Quite.”

“Well, we are lucky to have you here.” 

She was sharp, he suspected; she raised the point for a reason, nobles often fishing for information, though he believed Eiland and Adeline a little too naive for such intrigues.

“This is Ryis and his uncle, Landen,” continued Adeline. “They’re our carpenters, and will be helping you in a log of projects.”

Both men held smiles, their handshakes warm and strong.

“And these are March and Olric, our blacksmith brothers.”

“It's nice to meet you! My brother is the master, really. I help him!” Olric shook his hand, a little too vigorous. He certainly seemed like a ball of sunshine, while his brother simply gave a snort, not bothering to move.

Clearly, being a master meant snubbing your inferiors. Aster really didn't care one way or the other, as long as the job got done. 

“We think the best thing to do would be to start out small,” Adeline continued. “We're fixing some damages to homes before turning to the larger issues. We don't want anyone remaining here to get hurt. We'll give you a few days to get acquainted, get some work done on your farm, and then we should have the plans finalized. Is that all right?”

“That sounds perfect.”

March rolled his eyes. He did love a judgmental, little snot that wrote him off before knowing him. It almost reminded him of home. Aster gave him a smile, full of teeth. 

At least not all of the villagers were overly kind. Perhaps they weren't a crazy cult. 

“I hope everyone has a pleasant day. I have plans to meet Hayden.”

The sound of delighted laughter from Elsie followed him out. Yes, she was definitely going to be trouble for him. 

[lunabo17]

Awakening

Lord of Ice

Entering the Shadow-Cursed Lands, the party immediately run into hostile Absolutists. When Gale stumbles, Astarion shows that his wizard isn't the only person to be feared.

Warnings: Violence, references to Astarion's torture, Mystra (because :p ), and some smut.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/64179355/chapters/179723646

To say Astarion was angry was an understatement. ‘Livid’ seemed closer to the word he looked for, though still not quite there. He wanted to shake his lover, try to get it through Gale's thick, stubborn head that using magic that hurt meant he shouldn't be using it. Of course, the bastard would probably mention him drawing on magic that left prickles along his own body, but at least the pain wasn't as bad as before. 

The moment they stepped into the Shadow Curse, he immediately wanted to turn around. Astarion had grown quite accustomed to all manners of darkness. Baldur's Gate was rarely quiet at night, but sometimes he could find a little pocket of calm between his work for Cazador. 

This was something entirely different. There was no sounds of merriment, not even the sound of animals roaming around. This was the stillness of a graveyard without the rustle of plantlife. There was a thickness in the air, as if something weighed them down. 

“I don't feel anything,” Shadowheart stated. “My Lady must protect me.”

“Yes, until she stabs you in the back.” 

“How dare you, Astarion! I am loyal!”

Gale sighed, summoning a mage light. “Please cease your squabbles. Even if you are immune, the rest of us are not, so we must keep moving.” 

“Gale, you…”

His mouth snapped shut at the glare he received, but he narrowed his eyes to let his displeasure known. Idiot, stubborn wizard! He lit a torch Halsin gave him, almost tempted to push it into Gale's hand, but knew it would only cause an argument. 

Silently, they began to move through the deadland. There were twisted trees, emitting a strange glow, as well as a few flowers, a strange sight in a land of darkness. As they proceeded, they heard voices. Astarion felt a prickle along his spine, the sensation something wasn't right; no one would be wandering here willingly, and that meant they could be enemies, or someone extremely unlucky. 

However, their route led them directly in the path of the voices. It was a large caravan of Absolutists fighting a smaller group. Several held strange lanterns, but what drew Astarion's eyes were the driders. 

He could feel when Gale tugged on the Weave, and he grit his teeth. As much as he wanted to prevent his wizard from using the Weave, they were still in a life and death situation. Perhaps his frustration explained why he pulled just a teenie bit more from Gale than strictly necessary, ending in a rather spectacular explosion. Shadowheart was not amused with the, to put it eloquently, ‘debris,’ since she was closest. She glared at him, but he had little time to even consider a snarky reply. 

The driders focused on Gale, despite Astarion's attempt to divert attention. Perhaps it was his specific magic that drew them, or the destruction he rained down to ease the burden on the smaller group. Even though Gale was powerful, he wasn't infallible, especially now that magic seemed to hurt him more. It only took a second, a small stagger when a surge of pain echoed in his mind, and Gale was pierced by a spear. 

Astarion's ears were ringing, and a red haze settled over his eyes. Even as Gale collapsed, the vampire could still draw on magic easier than he ever could, and he did, pulling far more than was probably safe. He didn't care, didn't worry if it would hurt him. All that mattered was they had hurt his lover, and they would pay dearly. 

He formed a sword in his hand, colder than even his own body, tendrils of ice wrapping around his wrists and up his arms, freezing to his skin. Yet Astarion had dealt with pain for a long time, had burns that went down to his bones, had been cut and beaten until he had passed out. He welcomed this pain because this time, he would use it.

The first drider fell swiftly, opening it's mouth as it fell, but barely a sound emerging past it's lips because Astarion had pierced the lungs. The next fell as the vampire used the fallen drider like stairs, leaping upwards to take off their head.

Now, they noticed him, a creature of pure fury. He bared his fangs, like a beast pushed into a corner, covered in blood. A second, smaller blade formed in his other hand, and he laughed, knowing fully well they could try to kill him, but nothing would stop him now. They would all die.

~

He was on the Astral plane, the stars stretching out around them. Mystra, despite being a goddess, supposedly above human emotions, looked as if she swallowed a lemon.

“Mystra,” he greeted, giving her a nod and the barest of bows in acknowledgment. In this odd dreamlike state, for a mere moment, he could see in his mind his life,  and what could have been, and what could be. The sudden knowledge made him want to vomit.

“Gale of Waterdeep,” she responded at last. “Why did you call me?”

“I beg your pardon?” He didn't remember calling her recently, and wasn't exactly keen to see her after her request to kill himself and Tara. She crossed her arms and just stared.

“If I called to you, then I didn't realize I was doing so. I admit I was curious to ask about this pain I experience now that I use magic, but I didn't plan for you to actually visit.”

“Nor was I going to answer, except that you drew me here. You're following a dangerous path once more, Gale of Waterdeep. I shall offer to help you once more, despite your insolence. Magic is tearing you apart, Weaves at odds with each other. It will continue to do so as long as you use them. However, I can sever your connections.”

“And what is the catch?”

Her lips curled up into a slight sneer. “The catch, as you call it, is that you deliver to me the Crown of Karsus. Do try and make a decision before you're pulled apart.”

And then the first thing Gale noticed as he surfaced from unconsciousness was the dull, but quite persistent pain in his body. Then, he noticed that there was the softness of a bed underneath his body. He opened his eyes, crusted as if from illness, and the world spun a little, his stomach rolling. 

“Easy,” came Astarion's voice beside him, and he immediately relaxed knowing his lover was beside him. “You were greatly hurt by those driders.”

“Fuck,” he managed to croak out, his throat dry like sandpaper. He felt Astarion shift, sitting up with a slightly strangled giggle. 

Slowly, as Astarion helped him sit up, he opened his eyes again, the world righting itself. His skin felt too warm, his head throbbing, but the cool water from the mug pressed to his lips soothed his throat.

“You are an utter fool, Gale Dekarios,” Astarion said, cradling him in his arms. His hands felt cool, and he leaned into the touch, relaxing further as Astarion set the mug aside. He sighed as his lover's cold hands lingered on his forehead, further pulling his headache. 

“Is everyone all right?” 

“Some minor cuts and scraps, but fairly unharmed. I seem to recall telling you to refrain from magic, but you seem determined to injure yourself.”

He tried to pull away, the words stinging after Mystra's admonishments, but Astarion pulled him closer, tighter. “No, bunny. You're staying here, where you belong.”

The words sent a flush of heat into his core, his traitorous length twitching with interest despite the aches in his body. He loved it when the vampire ordered him. “Where are we?” 

“Last Light Inn, still in the Shadows, and apparently the only safe area. Those fighting the Absolutists are Harpers, and they led us here.”

“Then we should…”

“We are going to rest,” Astarion interrupted, his cool hands massaging his back. Gale's breath hitched. There were holes in the walls, now that he truly looked at their surroundings, this Inn clearly in need of repairs. It was still a far cry from bedrolls. His body ached, but being so close to his lover made him harden quickly.

They laid down again, and Gale threw one leg over Astarion's waist to move closer, the thin throw hardly covering them. “Rest?”

Astarion shuddered, one hand squeezing Gale's ass as they rocked against each other. “I meant actual…fuck, rest.”

He hummed, thankful their armour had been removed, wiggling around enough to get his pants and his underwear down enough to release his hard cock, Astarion doing the same. “This is rest,” he whispered in his lover's ear, before giving the twitching appendage a nibble.

“It is absolutely not.” Astarion gave a grunt as Gale rocked harder against his prick.

“I want to feel you inside me, stretching me, fucking me.”

Astarion shook again, giving a soft moan, his fingers slipping down, merely touching his rim. Gale rolled his hips harder, sucking at his lover's neck. He wanted to notch Astarion's cock and ride him, to wring him dry until they could barely move. It only took the barest, dry press of a finger inside Gale's hole before he came, his spend covering their stomachs. Astarion bit Gale's top to muffle a growl, hips pressing hard as he gave only a handful of thrusts before adding to the mess. 

“Gods, your thoughts are filthy.”

Gale gave a hum, sucking a few more hickies into Astarion's neck. He'd probably regret his actions later, but for now, they were both alive,  and that was really all that mattered.

[lunabo17]

Awakening

Grymforge

The party gain some new allies at the Grymforge, but Gale's magic is causing him trouble.

I'm still writing, but anxiety and depression are hitting very hard, so I apologize to the slowness of updates.

I appreciate all of you!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/64179355/chapters/178857481

In order to get to the Grymforge, Thulla informed them they would need to first gain access to a boat in an abandoned settlement not terribly far away, and that several duergar watched the small port, though comparatively it was a small number. 

“Not all of the duergar are entirely loyal to the Absolute yet.”

Barcus wanted to go with them, but his wizard discouraged the idea. If other gnomes were slaves, then he would need to join them, putting his life in even greater danger.

Of course, Astarion knew they were all in danger. There was no way to avoid it as long as the Absolute lived, the tadpoles burrowing into their heads. Even if the worst came about, Astarion a slave either to Cazador or this Absolute, then Gale could remain free. 

Astarion was impressed as they approached the small, decrepit village, the duergar remaining well hidden. However, he was a master of the shadows, and easily pointed the locations. 

“They have others hidden with magic as well,” Gale said softly. 

They spread out into smaller teams, Karlach and Lae'zel taking point, while the others waited. Astarion knew that though the plan was to pretend to remain a loyal subject of the Absolute, there was a chance the duergar would know their deception.

And unfortunately, their scouts knew. The moment they stepped near, Lae'zel barely avoiding a bolt directed towards them, the slaughter began. The duergar were nearly as vicious as the goblins, though their numbers less, but they didn't expect Gale or the gremishkas. They had been wary to take the young ones with them, but their magical hunger was certainly nothing to scoff at, and proved useful when the duergar began to use magic. Suddenly, where there was meant to be a sudden storm or whatever they wished to cast was a bleating goat. 

Tara also absorbed part of their magic, and Astarion pulled it, letting it flow how it wished through him, and released it. It still tingled a bit through him, like little pins and needles, but nowhere near the pain from before when he attempted to hold it and manipulate it. 

When all the duergar were dead, Astarion cleaned his blades, still feeling the tingle in his body from the magic. 

“You're injured.” Astarion looked up, his beautiful wizard still wrapped in magic, but focused on him. He had indeed taken a deep cut to his arm, distracted for a moment watching his lover weave magic around him. No matter how many times he saw it, watching Gale dance with his magic was stunning, a work of art in motion. Unfortunately, getting distracted could cost him dearly; he would need to focus in the future.

“Nothing terrible, you need not…” His words were cut off when Gale held out his hand. 

Astarion blinked, nearly scoffing that the wizard thought him unable to stand. However, softly, Gale said, “drink. It should help your healing.”

He stood up, grabbing Gale's wrist, and tugging him closer. He saw how the wizard's eyes dilated, and heard his heart beat faster. He kissed his palm, before swiftly biting down. Gale gave a small hiss as his sharp teeth punctured his vein, and Astarion closed his eyes to savor the flavour. He took several mouthful, but remained mindful to draw away rather quickly. Several of their companions were watching them.

“If you need blood, I would be willing to share some of mine.” The druid’s words caused Gale to tense, the softest of growls emitting from his mouth. The reaction was so unexpected, Astarion simply stared at the wizard for a moment, despite the statement directed at him. He was certainly no stranger to the desires of others, but seeing his lover so possessive…

Well, he never thought it would turn him on quite so much, and even believed for a long time that if he became free of Cazador, he might never wish to pursue another ever again. Yet here was Gale, shattering that notion. 

Just as he predicted, Gale's face colored, looking a little sheepish. “I…apologize. It isn't my place to be quite so…restrictive of your desires. You always have the choice for…for everything, Astarion.”

He heard it, the barest whisper in his mind, that Gale would do anything, even allow Astarion to have other sexual partners, if that was what he desired. 

“My little bunny, I think you know I'd only drink from another if we had no other choice. Your offer is appreciated, Halsin, but please stop aggravating Gale.”

“I think you're under the impression I would wedge my way between, but I assure you both are welcome in my eyes.”

This time, Astarion growled. “I've discovered I'm not keen on sharing.”

Halsin looked more amused than intimidated, and the vampire wondered for a moment if the druid simply spoke some things more for a reaction than a specific outcome. “Far enough, but the offer of blood does stand.”

“We can all give a little blood here and there,” Wyll added. “We don't want you getting hurt from bloodloss, Gale.”

“We'll keep that in mind. Now, about the ships…”

The gremishkas hissed as they made their way onto the vessels left by the duergar, then hid in various pockets or bags, most likely thinking of ways to kill all of them in their sleep. They didn't know if any of the scouts had informed the main contingent of their approach, or if some scouts still survived. They would need to move quickly, stay alert. The waters were dark, and he imagined cold, their ships silently gliding across the waters. When another vessel approached, Astarion fingered his knives, wondering how a battle on the waters would be, and yet the fool duergar believed them when they said they found their brethren slain by the myconids, and would lead them to the True Soul at Grymforge. 

Even if they had managed to kill all of the scouts, Astarion wouldn't lower his guard; it was only a matter of time before the other shoe dropped.

~

Gale knew the moment they entered Grymforge something was terribly wrong. People were yelling, there was frantic movement, and beasts were bellowing. 

“Oy! Who's this lot? Is that Lady Minthara,” A duergar snapped, and Gale noticed that oddly her feet were bare.

“True Souls,” Astarion answered. “What in the hells is going on here?”

“True Soul Nere is trapped, suffocating. We need all the help we can get!”

 

Now bewildered, they followed the frazzled lieutenant to a cave in, where numerous gnomes were diligently working to loosen the rocks. Several duergar held whips, and Gale clenched his fists tightly. He was almost tempted to let the bastard suffocate, and raise a rough tempest to kill the others. However, perhaps this ‘Nere” fellow had some information they could use. 

“If you move aside, I should be able to help.”

Several duergar looked at him as if he were insane, while a few snickered. 

“We can't waste time,” Thrinn replied. “If we…”

With his agitation rising, Gale's patience was swiftly falling. “Did I stutter? Move them, or they die.”

There were several gasps, and he felt the surprise, as well as a hefty dose of warm glee through the bond. Thrinn gave him a glare, but ordered the duergar and gnomes aside. Gale's eyes narrowed, but he stepped forward, allowing his hatred to tinge his magic.

 

He sincerely hoped the resulting explosion of magic hit a few of the bastards. He ignored the awestruck onlookers, instead focusing on the drow that emerged, coughing and angry.

“You useless piece of shit!” 

Before anyone could react, Nere kicked one of the gnomes, and Gale cried out, “no!”

The gnomes were screaming, except for the terrified victim, and yet right before she hit the lava, she stopped. For a moment, it was as if time itself had stopped, except for the figure of Omeluum to calmly float down.

“It appears you hurt the innocent to appear powerful, the signs of a weak mind.”

“How dare you…!”

Gale glanced at Astarion, who gave a shrug, unsheathing his knives. The lightening strike hit Nere at the same time as Omeluum's psychic blast, and the drow hit a pile of debris with a sickening crunch.

So much for diplomacy!

Chaos rose after the display of power, the duergar equal parts terrified and angry. He saw one duergar fall from the upper levels, Blurg giving a joyous “whoop,” wielding a battleaxe. His joy seemed almost similar to Karlach as she took out several of their foes. 

The gremishkas were once more causing mayhem with their allergies, one duergar becoming an insect, another turned purple, and violently got ill. Gale could see several duergar simply watching, and he wondered if they were simply waiting for them to grow tired before attacking, though they hadn't reached for their weapons yet. The gnomes had thankfully run to cover to avoid the fighting.

Unfortunately, though they had the element of surprise, the duergar had numbers. His heart nearly burst when he saw a club break Astarion's arm, the vampire cutting his cry of pain. 

Gale suddenly understood the meaning of ‘seeing red.’” He pulled on the Weave, as well as the magic Tara absorbed, and then released it, pushing back the foes around him, and ignoring the pain in his body. He leapt closer as the opponent that had injured his lover began to turn, and Gale hit him with his fire-imbued staff hard, lips pulled back into a snarl. The duergar screamed, his face burned, but Gale didn't stop, focusing his magic, and sending a burst of radiant magic through the duergar. 

Silence finally fell around them as the last of the duergar fell, but they eyed the remaining duergar that still hadn't approached. They held up their hands, moving away. 

“Should we go after them?” Karlach asked.

“Leave them for now, but remain vigilant.” Gale didn't look up, studying Astarion's arms, and once more cursing his lack of studies in healing. Shadowheart was currently healing a nasty cut in Lae'zel's side while Halsin checked Wyll's head wound. “You need to stop getting hurt, Astarion.”

“You aren't exactly uninjured either, bunny.”

“Minor cuts.”

“Broken bones won't kill me. I have a lot of experience.”

Gale's whole body tensed; Astarion wasn't meeting his eyes, but he knew it was Cazador that must have broken his lover's bones before. He felt a surge of magic crackle along his body, little bolts of electricity, as his anger surged. 

“Whoa whoa whoa! Easy there, soldier! Get some of that anger discharged before you hurt yourself or someone else.”

Karlach's words cut through his rage a little, and he turned, imagining a faceless Cazador in the distance, and sent blue lightning. The boom of thunder echoed loudly through the chambers, just like a large explosion, and rocks shattered. 

“Holy shit…” A gnome gasped, her eyes wide at the distant destruction. She had a barrel of some sort of powder beside her, and the gnomes seemed to recognize her. 

 

Gale closed his eyes, still shaking with his rage, wanting terribly to go kill Cazador, but they needed to go to Moonrise, to see if they could stop the Absolute.

“You know, I've forgotten how much fun it is to fight,” Blurg said, searching through his bags.

Omeluum sighed. “This is not enjoyable, Blurg.”

“The Society of Brillance doesn't allow fighting?” 

“Absolutely not.”

“But you helped us? Why?”

Blurg answered, handing Astarion a potion. “The Society believes in neutrality. By joining your fight, we've broken an important rule to not interfere in…well, anything. But this Absolute thing, how it's changed the tadpoles, how Vlaakith has changed them…they could destroy everything. Our studies won't get very far if we end up dead.”

“A fair point, and we would welcome you both, though I am sorry we disrupted your studies.”

“I suggest we take a break before we go up to the Shadowfell,” Halsin said. “The elevators we passed should take us to the upper floors of the Sharran Temple.”

Shadowheart seemed to vibrate, and Gale was sure she wished to explore. Karlach went to retrieve their non-combative companions while they made their way up into the crumbling Temple. Many of the passages were blocked, to Shadowheart's disappointment. 

They set up camp, so very close to the Shadowfell. The Temple gave them protection from the Curse, but they knew they would soon enter decaying lands. Gale felt exhausted, though his anger still simmered. It felt as if each joint of his body was pulsing with his heartbeat, the Orb's tattoo burning. He knew he had pulled considerable magic into himself, but hadn't expected to feel so much pain. 

“Everything comes with a cost,” he murmured, shifting where he sat to try and find some relief. 

Astarion watched him closely, his eyes narrowing. “Your magic?”

“My magic, or whatever it is.”

“Maybe you need to take a break from casting.”

“Isn't that what we're doing?”

“I meant for longer, bunny.”

“No. We don't have that luxury. When there is a fight, I won't back down.”

“Your pain is getting worse, and you just want to keep using it? Use your staff! Use a bow! You'll be useless if the pain becomes too much.”

“This isn't up for debate.”

Astarion glared at him, his jaw clenched tight, his mental barriers up. Tara flew over to them, settling on his leg. She had grown quite a bit.

“Why is my magic hurting me, Tara? I thought it was just the Netherese magic causing the aching. Do you know?” 

“I don't know, Mr. Dekarios. I imagine Mr. Fuddy Duddy or That goddess would know.”

Her terminology seemed to amuse the vampire, the barest of smirks on his face.

“Well, then if we get the opportunity, we'll have to see if we can ask, though I dare say both are quite cross with me, I imagine.”

“Until then, at least try and refrain from magic? Please?”

“Astarion…”

“Please. I can't stop you, but just like Blurg said, we can't do much if we're dead.”

With a sigh, Gale nodded his head, conceding the point. He was sure he couldn't avoid it, but he could certainly try and pull less to make his lover happy. Perhaps they could find answers somewhere, but only if they survived the Shadow Curse.

Soon, he supposed, they would find out.

[lunabo17]

Flames

Rating: Explicit

A spawn in heat triggers Astarion's rut, however all he wants is his mate. Gale, thankfully, meets him at home to take care of this unwanted rut.

Warnings: mentions of Cazador's rape and abuse of Astarion. Mentions others attempting to use sex as a tool to get Astarion and Gale. Also has intersex Gale. No cheating; mated pairs can be affected by pheromones, but want their mate.

What happens when I can't focus on other stories and am stressed to death.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/68755561

Astarion often wondered at the sheer stupidity displayed by most mortals, but when it came down to the spawn he had released into the Underdark, he had little tolerance. Whether it was a spawn turning rogue that he had to track down and either discipline or kill, or some idiot walking into a wall of psychedelic spores and deciding to attempt to murder someone, Astarion's judgement came swiftly. 

So really, when some bitch decided to attempt to corner him, her heat clearly making her an utter fool, it really shouldn't have come as a surprise when he violently pushed her away, uncaring of any injuries he could cause. She'd heal.

“Hey…!” Petras began, probably thinking he was being cruel on purpose. It only took several steps for his siblings to realize what was occurring, pheromones filling the air of a spawn ready for the taking. 

“Get her out of here,” Astarion snapped. Though he was happily bonded, it didn't mean the smells didn't affect him, just as it did every alpha nearby. His body became flushed with arousal, the need to fuck, but this bitch didn't realize her scent was wrong to him. Clearly, another idiot that didn't think he would bond another. 

“Get her into chains,” came Dalyria's voice, calming, level. “Stupid bitch. Astarion…”

But he was no longer listening, already walking away. He hesitated but a moment to grab his sending stone, and a quick message: “Bitch in heat cornered me. Need you.” He felt a bit ashamed for bothering his lover, wjo was probably quite busy. He grit his teeth, taking the Gate back home without a word to his siblings; let them deal with it. His teeth hurt from clenching so tight, his fangs digging into his gums. Gods, he wanted to rip that nameless spawn in two. 

“On the way,” came the response, even as he slammed the door open, wincing a little at his force. He felt a marginal ease of tension, knowing his love was returning home. 

Unfortunately, this was not the first time Astarion had been cornered by an omega in heat, ripe for the taking. Cazador had taken delight in triggering his ruts in such a fashion, then having him fucked. He had been far weaker, unable to fight any other alpha that used him as a substitute hole. Then in Baldur's Gate, a few also tried their luck with him, but he had become bonded then, their scents sickening, the feeling of wrongness crawling over his skin, even as his body responded.

Nature was strange.

He sat, fists clenched, teeth grinding. His prick was hard, trapped, painful, but he ignored it, each second feeling like minutes, hours. He hardly registered when the door opened, except the smell of his mate filled his nostrils. 

His. 

“Well, hello to you, too,” murmured Gale, his cheeks flushed. Astarion blinked, realizing that he had pushed the wizard into the door, already breathing in the scent of his lover. He could feel himself relaxing further. This was right. This was where he belonged. 

“Gale,” he growled, teeth nipping at his neck. Now, the arousal grew, his mate throwing kindling on the flames of desire. 

“So I assume it was another spawn…oh, that feels nice….what was I saying? Oh yes. A spawn had a brilliant idea?” 

He growled at the reminder, yanked Gale's robes open, seams tearing.

“Astarion!” The wizard admonished. “Gods, I should have known you'd do that…”

He hesitated now, the sound of his mate a little upset making the haze dissipate just a little. He should apologize, wanted to apologize, even as he was tugging the robes off. 

“I need…”

“I know,” Gale said softly, hands stroking his cheek. “Though tempting to just have you here and now, I'd rather have something a bit more comfor-<i>ah</i>!”

He ignored the cry of his lover, easily picking him up, despite his added weight after returning home and receiving solid meals finally. Astarion loved it, seeing Gale healthy once more, just as he himself felt better for having a steady supply of blood, both from the butcher and his lover himself.

Gale laughed, despite his startled cry, Astarion taking the stairs quickly. He knew his mate wouldn't do well taking him on the floor so long as his rut flared. The sound of the wizard's delight made a different warmth spread, one of happiness, something he had never dreamed to have.

“Sorry,” he finally said when they made it to their bedroom. 

“Don't be. It isn't your fault people do stupid things, nor that they find you attractive. They're fools to think they can override our bond.”

Astarion growled softly when he set his lover back onto his feet, thinking of said idiots. He also remembered several attempts to do the reverse with Gale, his wizard attracting several fools after becoming a hero of Baldur's Gate. Gale was certainly not a beauty like Shadowheart, but certainly handsome, his long, brown and silver hair framing his face, his beard properly trimmed, large brown eyes…well, Astarion could go on for a while.

But it wasn't looks alone that attracted him. No, it was the endless talks of everything and anything, the seemingly random bits of information he shared, the caring he showed to everyone. Gale, despite knowing a vast amount of knowledge (and was sometimes smug about it), was gentle. When he loved, it was with his whole being, would move mountains to help…

…Had helped him kill Cazador, held him, soothed his jagged edges…

“Come back to me, my love.”

Astarion once more realized he had lost track of time. Despite the insistent pulsing of his length, his mind was a far more complex beast, and had begun to wander down a darker path. The moment he focused, Gale removed the remainder of his clothes, his own cock leaking, slick dripping down his thighs. 

“Oh no. You are undressing,” Gale said, putting his hand on Astarion's chest when he moved,  but not pushing. It still made him growl louder. “It'll feel better, my love. Let me help you.”

The touch of his lover, as well as the words, calmed him a little, and his fingers felt clumsy, attempting to get the clasps and buckles open hastily. Gale had become quite proficient with the more complex leathers he wore, easily helping him ease out of the constructing things. 

The moment the last bit of clothing fell to the floor, he pulled Gale into his arms, stepping them both towards the bed. His hands massaged his lover's back, down, cupping his ass, squeezing the flesh just to hear the soft gasp, to feel Gale shivered.

“I don't think I can be gentle,” he rasped, his body shaking, holding back the urge to claim, to fuck. Gale crawled onto the bed, and he moved over him, the beast ready to devour. 

“I know.” Gale's legs parted. “It's all right. I have you.”

With one swift thrust, he was inside his lover. He felt the scratches Gale left down his back, the way he squeezed tight his muscles. He held himself back for a moment, taking in the way Gale looked under him, his head thrown back, flushed and sweating, so warm, so slick, so sweet. He nipped at the bonding mark, his teeth scratching lines down his lover's throat,  and then he moved.

Each thrust inside made the bed, shaking, hit the wall hard. He felt a beast, claiming, each push inside going as deep as he could, the way slick, making his movements easy. Gale wrapped his legs loosely around his waist, the only words a litany of, “yes, yes,<i> fuck, yes.</i>” 

Astarion felt it the moment Gale tumbled over the edge of ecstasy, his cock shooting thick ropes of his spend on their stomachs, his body shaking. He grit his teeth, pulling them both up, him leaning on his heels, Gale still in his lap. His wizard threw his head back again as he speared him down onto his cock. Despite still shaking, most likely overstimulated, his wizard still tried to move, to bounce in his lap. They were both grunting, panting, their voices growing louder at each push inside. Only when he felt his knot grow too large, only able to grind into the man's warm channel, his cock beginning to spurt, did he bite down.

Gale keened, his muscles clamping hard around Astarion's prick, and he felt as the man gushed, his lap covered in slick and come. 

“Gods,” Gale exhaled, fingers carding through vampire's hair as he drank. Carefully, he shifted them once more, rolling them so Gale could lay on top of Astarion's chest, the vampire's cock still filling his lover. It would be a while before it stopped. 

He inhaled his wizard's scent again, the musk, cloves, and books hinted with an added sweetness, his rut setting Gale's hormones askew. Despite no sense of urgency (yet), he rocked his hips, feeling the rhythmic clench of his lover. 

“Love you,” he murmured into Gale's neck. 

“Love you, too,” Gale replied, before urging Astarion to kiss him. Soon, they would be thrown back into the pit of passion, most likely off and on for a few days. Later, they would deal with sore and weary bodies, and possibly an angry Tara.

But for now, he had his mate, his Gale.

And Gale had Astarion.

[lunabo17]

Together, Now and Forever

Sing for Me

Summary:

Alfira makes an unexpected visit in the Underdark. Afterwards, Gale and Astarion enjoy some time alone.

Title from Divinity: Original Sin 2

Warnings: Slight anxiety, but mostly fluff and a bit of smut.

"Come to me, the night is dark

Come to me, the night is long

Sing for me, I′ll sing along

Sing for me, oh, sing for me"

~Divinity Original Sin 2

Gale didn't think much of his singing, though he practiced in the evenings, usually Astarion near him. He was often embarrassed, especially since he didn't use sheet music, having to pick out the notes by sound alone. Each tentative pluck of a note, especially the wrong ones, made him play quietly, until he felt a little more confident. Astarion seemed fascinated by how Gale played by memory and sound rather than writing down the notes. Even when Gale did decide to scribble something, it was something only he would understand.

So it came as a bit of a surprise to one day find Alfira and Lakrissa in the settlement, playing some tavern songs to the delight of the spawn. 

“Gale! Astarion!!” The tiefling pulled the wizard into a hug, then gave a little wave to the rogue. 

“I wasn't aware you were coming for a visit! We must get a room ready and…”

“Relax, dear,” Astarion said, his hand on Gale's lower back. “Everything is prepared for our guests.”

“Why didn't you tell me they were coming, love?” 

“Well, a little birdy told me you may have some talent in musical instruments.” Alfira grinned at her declaration.

Gale's mouth dropped open, his eyes widening. “Astarion!”

“Please, I'm not so little, nor a bird. Perhaps a rather larger tressym?”

Alfira giggled, and Lakrissa looked bemused. 

Gale exhaled a puff of air, amused at his husband's antics despite the building of anxiety in the pit of his stomach. “I merely dabble in some music. I don't have any real talent…”

“Don’t listen to him!” A spawn called, her name ‘Fiona’ he recalled.

“What? No, you must have…wait? You heard me?”

“Gale, my love, my darling wizard. Your music is the worst kept secret.”

“B-but…but I…I thought only you…” Surely he would combust, his cheeks aflame. Did it mean others had also heard his horrible attempts to find the right notes, the discordant sounds echoing like screams in his mind.

“There's no need to be so shy about it. You have talent.”

“I don't even read sheet music, not that I can't, though I'm a bit rusty…”

“You play by sound,” Alfira interjected. “Well, and memory. It's unusual, but people do what makes them comfortable.” She held out his lyre. “I'd like to hear it.”

Gale took the lyre, but glanced around them, the curious spawn watching. He shifted just a little closer to Astarion. “Ah, I'm not sure I'm really that impressive, Alfira.” Despite his hesitation, he still took the harp, his hands shaking just a little. 

“Start with what you're comfortable with, nothing overly fancy. I promise I won’t judge harshly! You remember the first time I played and killed some squirrel eardrums.”

“And possibly a few of the druids’ hearing, too,” Lakrissa added, laughing when Alfira smacked her arm.

Gale smiled, remembering the day quite well, and also when Alfira found her voice once more. He supposed she heard quite a wide range of talents. Still, it had been a while since he had felt like a mere apprentice. He supposed he wouldn't get away without giving it a try.

With a sigh, he sorted through his mind for something relatively simple, something he most likely wouldn't butcher. He only fumbled a few notes, and Alfira gave him a thoughtful look.

“Play something else. Something that speaks to your soul.” 

Gale blinked, looking at the lyre in his hands. He hated being put on the spot, at least for this. He took a breath. 

“Something that speaks to the soul,” he murmured, mostly to himself. His fingers plucked a few stray notes, before he threw caution to the wind. Instead of playing a known song, he played something he created when his magic first manifested, a calming melody that made him think of the touch of the Weave. Over time, he had made little changes to the music, just as his magic had grown. 

Despite knowing he had an audience, the soft, almost lullaby always brought him a sense of calm, and with it, came slight embellishments, a journey through the changes of magic and life.

Eventually, he brought it to a close, not wishing to keep everyone for hours. He almost feared the others’ reaction, and was entirely surprised to find several staring at him in surprise, and Alfira's wide grin, a twinkle in her eyes.

“I knew it!”

“I…I'm sorry. What?”

“You're using magic while you play. I could feel it a little in your first piece, but it was clear in the second.” 

“That…” 

He almost said it couldn't be the case, and yet wasn't magic always an integral part of his life? He had found many ways to thread it in his life, so why not this as well? And yet this was different. He didn't consciously use magic when he played, nor did he feel any sort of drain on his reserves. 

“Are you sure? I don't feel as if I'm using magic.”

“Of course you don't,” Astarion said with an amused smile. “That's my darling prodigy.”

He flushed once more, but no one seemed upset with him.

“I'm not going to push you into anything, but think about coming by the school.” Alifra gave his hand a pat. “In your own time, of course.”

Thankfully, Alfira didn't hold it against him when he practically ran away after that, no doubt excited to explore the spawn resistance and see if anyone had musical inclinations, besides him. Gale hardly believed he had any gifts besides the Weave.

“Is it really so unbelievable?” Astarion asked when they were in their room in Grymforge. Gale much preferred the little hut near the sussur tree, but that was a bit too far at the moment.

“Of course it is! I have no training, and I can't feel it, and you shouldn't have asked her to come, and does everyone really know?”

The vampire paused for a moment, seemingly to dissect the rapid exhaled words. “I would say I'm sorry, but you would have swept the matter under the rug, and I mean it when I say the spawn know. Even if they haven't heard you play the harp, you hum when you work.” Astarion gently pulled Gale towards him. “Aren't you the least bit curious about how you weave magic into your music without knowing?”

Gale was still quite cross with Astarion for going behind his back, though he had taken the initiative with things before, so it came as no surprise he did it again. He imagined it was his uncertainty, his fear of judgement, of possible failure, that upset him the most. Once, he had cared so little for such things  because he knew his strength. This was entering murky waters, and he was terrified.

“You need not go to the school.” Astarion held him loosely, his hands running soothing circles on his back. “But I wanted you to know, to give you options.”

He closed his eyes, clinging to Astarion's tunic. Options, so he didn't need to go back and teach if he didn't want to, or go on bounties with his husband. He wasn't in a box anymore, and didn't need to do what others (or he himself) thought was ‘correct.’ He could change, could explore other paths. 

Gale gave his husband a gentle kiss, which became a series, each one lingering a little longer. 

“I'm still upset with you,” he sighed, even as he tugged at the stubborn laces of Astarion's tunic. 

“Oh, I know. I would be, too, if our positions were reversed. I expect some retribution at some point.”

With a little shrug, Gale's robes fell to the floor. “How do you feel about purple hair?”

Astarion threw the tunic behind him, while kicking his pants to the side. “Purple seems too predictable for you.” The vampire's hands massaged Gale's sides. 

“Of course it wouldn't be just one shade. We'd have highlights and lowlights.”

“With these curls?” He kissed the wizard's hand, pulling him towards their bed. 

“Of course. I could add some other colors, if you prefer.” For several minutes, they kissed, hands gently caressing, despite the slowly building fire. Gale murmured a soft incantation, their hands growing slick. Their legs tangled, their bodies moving closer, their kisses deeper. 

“I'd look like a clown,” Astarion finally said as they pulled apart to give Gale a moment to breath. His voice was low and deep, a near purr. 

“We could ask Dribbles for advice.”

Astarion groaned, rolling Gale onto his back. “If I never see anyone from that damned circus again, I won't be upset.”

Gale laughed for only a moment, before it turned into a sigh of pleasure as Astarion slid inside him. “But they have such lovely paints.”

“I don't want to think about any of that when I have such a pretty husband beneath me.” 

For just a moment, there was only the gentle undulating motions of their bodies, the sweet caresses, soft sighs of pleasure. But then, like the beating of a butterfly's wings, Gale began to sing, this time an elvish song of love and devotion.

Astarion gave a soft gasp, his thrusts faltering, but a moment. Gale pulled him closer, whispering the words into his ears. It wasn't an ideal position, so close they could barely move, and yet neither pulled away.

‘And though darkness may fall, the world may end, my soul remains a part of you…’

[lunabo17]

Together, Now and Forever

Stars

Gale bought a lyre harp, but is too shy to play. However, one day when he believes he is alone, Astarion hears him.

Warnings: a bit of anxiety. After the last sadness chapter, I wanted to add a bit of a happy twist.

The lyre harp had been bought out of whimsy one day when he and Astarion had wandered the night market of Waterdeep. He had played when he was younger, before Mystra had begun to teach him and magic became everything. He never played for others, always kept it a secret.

When he had seen the harp, he was immediately drawn to the delicate stars and moon drawn on it, simple, and yet beautiful. The person who sold it also made it themselves, and it had sounded lovely.

"Do you know how to play?" Astarion had asked him.

"Oh, I just dabbled a bit."

He hadn't touched the thing since he purchased it, letting it collect dust, so to speak. One day when Astarion was away to teach some spawn to control their hunger, Gale wandered away to a nearby pool. It was a lovely little spot they had discovered, partially hidden by large mushrooms, vines hanging down, and little glowing mushrooms illuminating the dark waters. For some reason, he took the lyre, and sat down in comfortable, sleeveless robes. He kicked off his sandals so he could cool his feet, feeling calm.

Carefully, he tuned the harp, hesitant to make too much noise, though he knew he was quite alone. It truly was fine craftsman, and he made a note to mention to Alfira to visit the artist.

At first, he simply strummed a few basic notes, feeling clumsy, but his fingers remembered, and quickly, he began to play. His eyes closed, he let the music take him wherever it wished, melancholic and longing. As he continued, he felt his mind relax, a gentle stream rather than the torrent from a few days ago.

After a few minutes of improvisation, he switched to a song he had learned early, one written in a very old Waterhavian dialect that sounded entirely like another language. Of course, he had spent a while translating if himself (though he very well could have found a translation).

<i>"Oh, my love,

The stars shine above us.

The land stretches far,

Between you and I.

Our hearts do beat,

In harmony.

Though we say goodbye,

My heart remains yours, evermore.

Distance means nothing,

Knowing that you see,

The same sky, the same stars,

Oh, my love.

My heart remains yours, evermore.

No matter how long,

No matter the distance,

One day you will find me,

And we shall dance among the stars.</i>

It was a simple piece, embellished with a lot of music between each section, slow and sad. Gale always wished there was more, that the lovers would find each other in life, instead of what he assumed meant their deaths.

As the last notes echoed, he became more aware of his surroundings, realizing someone was staring. He could feel it. As his face flushed crimson, his shoulders hunched a little, he turned to look over his shoulder. Astarion was watching him, eyes wide, mouth slightly agape.

"Gods, just smite me now," he said, running a hand over his face.

Astarion seemed to shake himself out of his stupor. "Absolutely not! That...that was beautiful, Gale! Bloody hells!"

"Oh hush, you." He shook his head, his face an inferno, and only spreading. He flinched a little when his husband sat down beside him.

"I mean it, love. I could tell you haven't played in a while, but I could feel the emotions, a yearning."

Gently, Astarion placed a finger underneath his chin, lifting it so Gale would look at him. He leaned forward, placing a kiss on his lips. Gale set the lyre down gently, before moving closer, deepening the kiss. Hands gently stroked his sides before pulling him so he was practically in Astarion's lap.

"Will you play for me from now on? Sing for me?" The kisses moved down his neck.

"It's not that impressive."

"Gale, my sweet. You have talent. Maybe you can even sing with Alfira."

"Flatterer," Gale said, leaning his head back to give Astarion more room. The elf hummed, but didn't push the topic further, instead more focused on sucking bruises into his neck.

And for a while, the harp was forgotten.

[lunabo17]

Together, Now and Forever

Alone

Gale fights his own mind. Fortunately for him, he's not alone, but sometimes he needs a reminder.

Tw!!!

Warnings: Fear, body dysmorphia, distorted thinking, stream of consciousness.

I read "Dissolving" by nyxueaurelia, and had my heart shattered. Did I read the warnings? Yes. Did I read it anyway? Yes.

The link to their fic; read the tags and warnings, since this contains emotional cheating:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/68246781

Just to be clear, my fic will not contain cheating, but Gale's distorted thinking is at work (been there). This is what happens when I read distressing fiction.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/65271568/chapters/176643726

For each good day, there would always be a few that felt off, as well as bad days. Gale knew that this was life, that everyone had good and bad days. It was simply exhausting, constantly attempting to argue with one's own mind, to be thrown about like in some insane carriage ride.

It made him angry. It made him sad. It made him want to rip his hair out, to scream and cry, to apologize to everyone.

And it was simply stupid, because life was going so well! They had made progress on the housing in the Underdark, there had been a few more prospective students. He had cut back on working quite so hard...truly! He had been eating, and laughing, and excercising...

Who are you?

He sat down to write.

Gale of Waterdeep.

The man that thought so highly of himself, thought he was the strongest wizard alive. He was loved by Mystra herself! He would lecture others just to hear himself talk, ignoring the whispers behind his back because to listen would mean to acknowledge the hatred he knew others held.

Gale Dekarios.

A fallen man, one that held the stars, and his world shattered to pieces, shunned by the one he thought he loved so much, gave her everything. He thought himself clever? Then this was punishment, the throbbing, clawing hunger, the fear of death.

Gale Ancunín-Dekarios.

A shattered man, slowly pieced back together, yet constantly stumbling, blind, but not alone. And yet...

Gale.

Scared. A shadow. A broken body that aches like a weather alarm, lines from the folly, lines from the knife. He's scared to love again, because his heart had shattered once, but he did love. Yet what was he, but a man that couldn't walk the path, that kept tumbling to his knees? How long could others try to help him up before they simply grew tired, discarded him?

Alone.

He was so scared to be alone, forgotten. He had to keep the mask on so people wouldn't leave, but the mask kept breaking. So how long...?

How long until they left him, decided it wasn't worth the constant effort? How long until all he had was memories?

Alone.

Walking in the streets, and searching,

Looking for a kind hand, calling, reaching out to grasp,

But like mist, there is nothing to grasp, nothing to touch, only memories. Silence.

Yet...

A smile. A touch. A laugh. Once upon a time, when hope was strong, but it...

Crumbles, like sand, made to look like a castle, but so very fragile, the tide washing it away.

Watching the last of hope carried by the tide, further, and further away.

Falling, falling, a pit of despair, growing wider, and too scared to allow someone else to tumble in. Don't let them see. Don't let them hear. Nobody deserves this.

Nobody.

And then, in the end, a soft, unheard 'goodbye.'

His voice. His tears. Because those he loves deserve everything. Happiness. Love. No matter who or where...

To leave. To live. For themselves. Gale wanted those he cradled in his heart happiness, even if it meant them leaving, to protect themselves, to find love.

...For Astarion to love another, if he ever changed his mind. So many wanted him, and after so long of torture, of pain, why would he strap himself to someone stumbling so much?

So very clumsy.

He set his pen down, closing his eyes, his fingers itching to grab a knife, to mark, to watch the blood flow, to stop the streams of meandering thoughts.

Don't let them see the beating heart, bleeding, struggling.

Don't let them see the fears, the sadness.

To say goodbye, and drop to the ground, to shatter into a million pieces, and still love and hurt...

A hand on his shoulder made him startle, his eyes wide, heart pounding, and he shook. He didn't allow his tears to fall, simply swallowed the lump in his throat, ignored the tumbling ice in his stomach.

"If you left tomorrow, happy and free, never turning back, I would say a soft 'goodbye,' and let you fly."

Astarion cupped his face, stroking his cheek, and his lips shook, just as he did, just as his inhale did.

"Because sometimes 'goodbye' is just the memory of 'I love you.'"

"Today is a bad day," he managed, his voice cracking, wavering, and damn his voice and emotions.

"I noticed. You're still so scared everyone will leave you, just like your father, just like Mystra. Discarded like a rotten piece of fruit, just because your mind spirals."

"It's exhausting, dealing with someone like me, someone scared, unstable."

"It is." A verbal slap, his eyes widening, and the struggle to breathe, a few tears slipping, even if he tried so very hard to hold them back. "I can't even imagine what it's like for you, the one who always cares so much for others, who always says he would let others walk away if it made them happy."

"I would," he said softly, little fissures in his heart. He clenched his eyes shut, but it didn't stop the drops, like gentle rain, tumbling down. The next inhale shook harder, a near, stuttered sob.

"I know." Kisses to his cheek, gentle, present.

And sometimes when you think it's 'goodbye,' they turn with open arms...

[lunabo17]

Awakening

Walking in Silence

Gale is preoccupied, but the team make their way into the Underdark

The trip to Orion was surprisingly quiet, given all the violence they had experienced lately, and it was a bit of fresh air. Yet Gale knew it was simply the calm before the storm, an unknown hurricane making its way towards them. Soon, they would be swept into the worst of the storm, and he was terrified. He hated this unknown danger, hated that those he cared for could very well die.

He could die, too. 

Still, he attempted to keep this fear quiet. Mystra worried for herself, which meant the danger would be great. Funny, he thought, that even when reality could be in danger, the gods still remained silent, unwilling to truly act.

Along the way, they stumbled upon a white dog, his paws bloodied, tail drooping between his legs. 

The worg that Gale had named ‘Ruby,’ gave a little bark, and the dog paused, his tail giving a little wag.

The three gremishkas hissed a little. Gale had also named them after various stones, Hematite and Howlite for the two with normal coloring, and Opal for the white one. Of course, he couldn't leave out the owlbear cub, and named him ‘Jasper.’ The gremishka's seemed to tolerate the names, while Ruby and Jasper were entirely pleased. 

“Hello, are you lost?” Gale called out, bending down on one knee and holding out his hand to let the dog sniff his hand. 

“Not lost,” said the dog, to Gale's surprise. He still had not cast any spells to understand their young allies, but he was far from upset. “My master…he is gone. We had a fight with goblins, and they hurt him.” The dog gave a whimper, the sad sound of a dog crying. 

“I'm sorry. We fought quite a few goblins ourselves. Hopefully whoever killed your master was one of them.”

“You killed them?” The dog perked up, looking at the party.

“Gale, no,” Astarion said, and Gale gave him a smile. 

“Gale, yes,” said Karlach. “Are we keeping the dog? Please tell me that's the plan! Pleeeeease?”

“Well, that is up to…ah, let me see your collar. Scratch, is it? Would you like to travel with us, Scratch?”

“Dog stinky,” huffed Howlite.

“Now, now, Howlite. We are all in need of a bit of cleaning…”

“No bath!!”

Gale blew a piece of hair out of his face. “I didn't say it. I said ‘cleaning.’” He watched, bemused, as Jasper gave a chirp, and Scratch's tail wagged. 

“I can come with big people? Maybe help?” 

“If you want to, Scratch. But no chasing the gremishkas or Tara, all right?”

“Scratch is good boy. Master said so!”

Gale smiled, scratching behind the dog's ears. “Then please join us.”

“Fuck yes!” Karlach punched the air. Even Shadowheart smiled at the dog. 

“You and your big heart,” Astarion sighed with no real malice. “You'll sway every animal along the way to aid us.”

Halsin watched curiously. “Nature does have great power. It may be a boon to have it fight with us.”

Despite the possible admiration from the druid, Gale still felt some annoyance with the large elf. Perhaps after such a long life, Halsin didn't fear speaking his mind, or perhaps he was attracted to Astarion (the wizard knew the druid took many lovers). The latter would come as no surprise. If they didn't share a bond, Gale would have questioned the elf's attraction to him, a mortal man with graying hairs, more fat than muscle.

A mortal man…

He walked silently, once more falling into the dark hole of his thoughts. He adamantly told others he was merely a mortal man, but each time, new evidence pointed to the opposite. Was it possible for anything to alter a person to become something else, not including the Ilithid parasites, but that was another matter? He didn't think it possible without a Wish spell, though he also didn't fully understand Netherese magic. Another option, however, was that the Orb was simply revealing a part of himself that remained hidden before, but that was absurd. His mother never demonstrated any unusual magic (though he knew she grasped some minor skills), and as far as he knew from her, neither did his father. Surely she would have shared such things with him! 

But he had no way to ask her. So many years, spent in slumber, watching the world change in bits and pieces across his long sleep. No matter how many times he pushed the thoughts aside, it struck him, tightened his stomach, made his eyes water. He could have destroyed magic (by accident) with his hubris, thinking to please a goddess with his magical skills. He wished to rise above mere mortals, to be her equal. Instead, she destroyed his life. 

His wish, in a sense, had been granted. He now wielded unknown, growing magic at the cost of losing everything he once held dear. If he didn't have the bond with Astarion, he was sure he would fall into complete despair. 

A hand on his shoulder broke him out of his thoughts, and he leaned into Astarion's touch. He had been mindless, helping the others search through the ruins of Orion, a former Selunite temple, for a path down to the Underdark. Minthara had led the search, knowing it was in the former bed chambers of priestess Gut, but uncertain of the exact location. With a few levers, some pushing, and a minor rearrangement of some slabs, they found their ladder.

“Climbing down a rickety ladder seems safe, right?” Wyll asked, looking over the edge.

“I could cast feather fall, if you prefer to merely leap down.” Gale joined Wyll. There were some glowing mushrooms hanging from the edges, but he could not see the bottom. 

“Ooooo! Can we?”

“Karlach!”

“Aw, c'mon, Wyll! It'll be a new experience! Anyway, Gale's got us. He won't let us die!”

His heart clenched at the words. 

“We plan to leave the beasts behind?” Minthara asked. 

“No. I will get them down with magic.”

“A waste of energy.”

Gale's shoulders tensed. “It is my magic to waste, isn't it?”

The gremishkas clambered onto shoulders, small enough to carry. It came as no surprise when Opal chose Astarion. 

“Scared,” Jasper whimpered, shaking a little. He could fly, but still didn't have the strength of a full grown owlbear. Ruby and Scratch huddled close. The others began to descend.

“I know. This is very scary, but I promise I won't let any of you fall. The way down is long, so just close your eyes, and we'll begin.”

Gale moved last, Astarion below him. At first, climbing down wasn't too bad. They checked the ladder as they moved down, finding it sturdy, well-taken care of. Yet as they kept going down, they began to sweat, their hands cramping at the repeated motions, but they could not stop now. The magic to keep the animal companions floating steadily drained him, but he knew if it became too much, he could simply cast father fall. Having them float down with him, a faint shimmer to their feet, the feel of his magic solid for them to stand on, reassured them, he imagined. Falling, even with magic, was disconcerting. 

Thankfully, though aching, they managed to reach the bottom. Only then, levitating his furry companions down to the ground, did his foot slip. With a startled gasp, he began to topple down, but strong hands caught him. He barely registered the angry yowl from Opal, too distracted by the protective feel of his lover's arms, deep red eyes studying him. 

“All right, sweetheart?” 

The name made his face flush, still very much held mostly by Astarion. “I…err…”

Astarion was smirking, the bastard, clearly aware of what he was doing to him. Gale almost wanted to smack him, despite the persistent arousal in his nethers. However, amusement turned to worry swiftly when he was set onto his feet, his legs screaming in pain.

“Shadowheart!”

“I saw, you overbearing mosquito,” snapped the cleric, hands already glowing. “He just strained a muscle when he slipped.”

“I suppose I could carry you on my back, Gale.”

He gave an undignified squeak at the image of being draped over Astarion's back. 

“Hethens,” he heard Tara say. 

“Dear gods, no more,” Gale finally managed,  one hand slapping over Astarion's mouth before he could say more. He could hear snickering, but refused to look. “Stop trying to fluster me!”

Astarion pulled his hand away. “But you look all lovely, flushed and…”

He glared as both his hands once more covered his lover's mouth. Though he was normally pleased to indulge Astarion, now was certainly not the time. They had to find their way through the dangers of the Underdark.

The minor strain soothed, they nonetheless took a small break, studying the ruins of the shrine. Shadowheart glared at the statue of Selune, while Minthara and Karlach looked at the dead bodies of a few minotaurs. 

“There was a magical barrier here,” Gale said, pointing at a few focus stones. 

“The goal was to create a route between Moonrise Towers and the Emerald Grove,” Minthara explained. “Such a path would allow easier movements through the Shadowfell.”

When they were a little more rested, they entered the Underdark proper, and despite the lack of sun, it took Gale's breath away. Instead of grass, there was moss covering much of the land, though there were certainly patches of stone, and something that resembled patches of grass. Giant mushroom forests were scattered around, with small (and no less dangerous) ones sprinkled around. Many of the mushrooms glowed. Farther in the distance, Gale spotted a giant, glowing tree. Though he had not made extensive studies of the Underdark, he was at least aware of some of the plant life. What he saw must be a sussur tree, though only approaching it closer would tell. 

“I thought it would be a dark cave,” Astarion admitted softly. “Not this. It's…”

“Beautiful.” Gale took a step closer to a mushroom near them, darkened spores hanging near it. “And dangerous. Don't get too close to any of the mushrooms. Many of the spores have rather unfortunate side effects if inhaled.

“Lovely…”

“There seems to be somewhat a path, however. I imagine creatures find their way around, so let's be mindful.”

They began to meander around the various hazards, Gale using just a little magic in some patches to blow some of the spores away. As they continued, they felt a rumbling beneath them, causing Jasper and Scratch to whimper and the gremishkas to hiss.

“My land,” Gale heard, the voice reverberating like the tremors. “Trespaspers!”

“The hells is that?” Karlach called. “Earthquake?”

“No! There's something beneath us. It says we're trespassing!”

“I have heard of many creatures in the Underdark,” said Halsin. “It could be a bulette, given how it moves.”

“I imagine you're right.” Gale sighed. “We mean no ill will to you.”

There was no answer, but the sound of rumbling. He didn't trust it not to attack, but they continued. Gale would have loved to spend extra time studying the plantlife; perhaps they could return one day. Now, they were more focused on reaching a thicker patch of large mushrooms. Only when they drew closer did they realize there were large mushrooms moving around. 

“Who are you?” The question came in their minds, a chorus of voices.

“Myconids! I've heard of them, but never met them,” Gale explained, excited. “They are like bees, living in a colony, their minds connected.” He took a step forward. “Forgive us for intruding! We are simply seeking a way through your lands, and mean you no harm.”

There were the sounds of whispers, words he could not understand. He watched, curiously, as a few myconid were hovering over what appeared to be a small person…

It took him a moment to realize it was a body, and then he was astonished to see it glowing, before rising to its feet.

“Are these things safe?” Astarion questioned.

“Well, they're not trying to kill us, so I would say they're not a danger yet. That could very well change.”

“How reassuring.”

Gale gave his lover a grin, before they were beckoned further inside. The giant mushrooms above them gave almost the illusion of a ceiling. Moving towards the center and upwards, they were met with a few surprises. Several bodies appeared to be in the process of reanimation, but one gnome, still alive, clearly in pain, appeared to be treated by a…mindflayer?

“Thulla!?” Barcus called, but did not move.

“Away, monster!” Lae'zel was already moving towards the mindflayer, her sword drawn. The other githyanki also drew their weapons.

“Wait, Lae'zel!” 

The mindflayer looked up, unafraid, but stayed in a kneeling position, just as a few myconids moved to stand in their way.

“Omeluum is friend to us,” said the colony. 

“Indeed, I mean no harm, nor wish to fight,” said this Omeluum. 

“Impossible!”

“Lae'zel, I wish to hear what Omeluum and the myconids have to say, please?”

“Might I remind you that mindflayers are our enemies, wizard? Or has mating so much dulled your mind?”

“I seem to recall you threatened to kill me numerous times, and yet Omeluum is still kneeling, and not trying to eat our brains.”

The githyanki opened her mouth to retort, then closed it, before looking at the mindflayer curiously. A very human sigh echoed in his mind, as Omeluum seemed to check a wound in the gnome’s side. “I fear I haven't quite figured out how to entirely refrain from such barbarous acts, but I can reassure you I have no intention of eating your brains, unless you plan to murder and kill.”

“Not our intentions, but might I ask why a mindflayer is in a myconid colony in the first place?”

The gnome gave Omeluum's wrist a squeeze. “Thanks for trying. Without the antidote, you've done what you can.”

“I'm sure Blurg will return quickly. Hold on a bit longer, Thulla.”

If anything, the simple exchange cemented that Omeluum was no active threat. “I believe we have a poison antidote. Is this the type you seek?”

“Gale!” Several voices called, all exasperated. 

“Enough!” He finally snapped, handing the antidote to Omeluum. “All of you should be ashamed. We have been thrown together by chance. Frankly, there's been little reason to trust any of you, but here we are, fighting together. Perhaps it's foolish of me to try and trust someone who hasn't immediately tried to kill me, unlike some of you, but I believe a little kindness now and then can go a long way. Also, I bought the potion with my money, so I say what to do with it.”

Astarion was grinning at him, but he only allowed a moment to look at him, mostly because he didn't want to burst inti embarrassed flames for his outburst. He watched Omeluum help Thulla drink the antidote, wincing with sympathy for the horribly bitter taste. 

“I am a member of the Society of Brilliance” Omeluum explained. “If you do not know, we are scholars, studying the Underdark ecosystem. With my strong tie to arcane magic, I was able to free myself of the hive mind of my Ilithid colony, and have been exploring methods to free myself of the need for living minds. Blurg, my partner, and I were studying when the myconids were attacked, and poor Thulla stumbled here.”

“I imagine we know the answer, but who attacked you?” Wyll asked.

“Ones who follow the Absolute,” Thulla answered instead. With Barcus’ help, she sat up, still wincing in pain, but color had returned to her face. “Several kinsmen are slaves to them, working in Grymsforge. I just managed to escape, but they fucked me up.”

“They killed several myconids as well,” Omeluum said. “I can…sense them…as if they are Ilithid. I sense the same in a few of you as well.”

“The Absolute is dangerous, and I fear if not stopped will attempt to take over the realm. Mystra herself fears what the Absolute might do. A few of my companions are infected, but retain their free will through magical means.”

It was at that moment that to everyone’s surprise a hobgoblin, waving a bottle, appeared. “I found the…oh! Well…”

It appeared Blurg had joined them.

~

It still amazed Astarion that despite everything, Gale still had the ability to trust so freely, but also to scare the shit out of their companions. He was sure Gale hadn't been aware of his magic wrapping around him when he had confronted Lae'zel, nor when he had yelled at them, but his companions had. Good! Let them be scared. It meant some quiet.

Truly, Astarion typically leaned more towards agreeing with Lae'zel, but he knew better than to argue. Also, he would be lying if he wasn't entirely intrigued by…well, everything, really.

Gale explained rather quickly what had occurred with the Absolute so far, and their plans to infiltrate Moonrise Towers. Omeluum, Blurg, and Thulla had listened quietly, the gnome's eyes growing wider by the moment, while the myconids hummed around them. Barcus looked discouraged to find out his friends were captured.

At least they now had a general direction to go, though Thulla begging Gale to help her people annoyed him. His wizard would, of course, try to save them. So much for just setting the whole place up in flames, or more so, he supposed.

It was nice to hear Gale's voice. His wizard had grown rather quiet as they had picked their way towards the colony, and he hated it. He would rather hear Gale give a whole lecture on the mushrooms of the Underdark than utter silence. 

They had decided to rest in the colony before beginning their infiltration of Grymforge. Thulla drew a crude map of the area, told them what she knew of the ‘True Soul’ in the area. 

He found Gale on the Sussur tree side of the colony, bathing in a small pool, just a bit further from the colony, but not terribly far. The glow of the mushrooms gave him a faint blue glow. 

Gods, he was beautiful! His hair was growing quickly, and would soon be as long as Shadowheart's at this rate. It stuck to his back, to the contours of his body. Astarion licked his lips as he watched droplets of water trickle down his lover's body. Gale turned to look at him, one eyebrow raised, most likely feeling the spike of arousal from him. He couldn't be blamed, given this lovely image! Without a word, he bent down to capture plush lips with his, licking droplets of water. 

“Tell me what is on your mind,” he demanded, removing his clothes to join the wizard. 

Gale's brows furrowed, lips thinning. He wasn't one to take orders, far more at ease giving them, despite his constant kindness. “Astarion…”

“I don't want to hear excuses.” He pulled Gale flush against him, his hands caressing his back and ass, pleased at the little gasps it gave him. “You've been lost in your head again. Do I need to fuck answers out of you?”

“Perhaps.”

Oh, this man would kill him (again). He squeezed his ass again. “Tempting, but I think that would distract you. Now, bunny, what's in that pretty head of yours? You can't block yourself entirely.” Indeed, even now, he could feel the swirls of thoughts just beyond his reach.

Gale gave a soft sigh, leaning his head into the crook of Astarion's neck. “It isn't exactly anything new, my worries. Despite my ire with Mystra for her most recent orders to ruin my life, knowing she is concerned with this Absolute is certainly unnerving.”

“But it isn't simply that, is it?” He sucked a few new bruises into Gale's neck. “It's what Halsin said, and that eagle.”

There was a moment of tension in his wizard's body, the intake of breath, the speeding of his heart. He kissed the vein beneath his lips, pulsing. 

“I suppose there's really little reason to hide it, but yes. As much as I love puzzles, I'm more fond of completing them, and I'm rather uncertain how to solve this. If the Netherese Orb has changed me, then how? Will it continue to alter me? Will I become some monstrosity, like an Ilithid? Will my powers grow beyond my control? Or is it done? I wish there was a way to research this…safety, might I add.” Even as he spoke, he leaned his head to the side to give Astarion room.

“Not everything is in a dusty old tome.” He kissed Gale's neck.

“I know, but it would make me feel a little better if I could at least actively do something without the fear of…I don't know. Blowing something up?”

“You've done well so far. We might have to just keep moving forward.” He gave a fond smile when Gale sighed. “Let me take your mind off it, even for a few moments.”

“The colony isn't so far.” But even with his words, Gale didn't pull away, fingers tangling in Astarion's hair. 

“Not that such things bother me right at this moment, but I'm sure a beautiful archmage such as yourself can give us a little privacy while I wreck you again.”

“Astarion!” Despite the scandalized uttering of his name, Gale waved his hand. Astarion didn't look to check what his wizard had done, more occupied with the man in his arms. He knew this would only be a momentary lapse, that Gale's worries wouldn't subside until the puzzle was clear. 

And he would be there, every step of the way.

[lunabo17]

Shatter Into Pieces

Clothes

Astarion spoils Gale

!!!Tw!!!

Body dysmorphia, and the beginning of earning that Explicit rating, but not quite there. Soon.

Gale nearly threw his book when the doorbell rang, so engrossed in his novel. 

“Finally!” Astarion looked absolutely delighted, practically leaping from his spot on the couch. It almost made him worry what exactly his husband had done. He set the book down as he watched Astarion juggling two boxes.

“Do you need…?”

“Nope, I'm fine.”

“Should I worry?”

When Astarion didn't immediately answer, he said, “um, what's in the boxes, love?”

“All right. I do have a confession.”

“More sex toys?” Gale teased a little, yet felt a pang of anxiety. His husband reassured him he wasn't upset that Gale hadn't been ready for any sort of intimacy other than hugs and cuddles. His emotions had wrecked quite a bit of his desires, and they were beginning to return. 

Yet they had been quite active in the bedroom before Gale's mental collapse. Surely Astarion was pent up. Would he…?

No! He stomped on that thought. 

“Ha! Not this time, but it is for you. I…” There was the faintest hint of pink to his cheeks and the tips of his ears. “Look, I bought you clothes.”

Gale's mouth dropped open. Of all things, he had not expected it, though his husband had alluded to it. “You…you bought me…really?”

“You don't see your beauty, my dear, and with those ugly robes you wear to work…”

“They're traditional!”

“You mean traditional trash. Don't look at me like you're scandalized! Anyway, I bought one pair of clothes for work for you to try, and…something more comfortable. Not for work. Home. And if you hate it, we can sell it because these are custom.”

Again, Gale was momentarily speechless. It was rare for Astarion to ramble, unless he was worked up. He had always found his plain robes, always baggy, comfortable, but it wasn't a requirement.

“All right. Let me see what you got.”

The smile Astarion gave him was as sweet as the day they wed, and it made his eyes water a little. His husband said nothing, except taking his hand, and pulling him to his feet.

“I thought you would look quite handsome in a suit, but also knew how attached you are to traditional robes. I have some other ideas, of course, but I started with this. At least…try it on?”

“Of course,” he said softly, a little breathless. 

“All right. Off! Everything!”

“What?! Here?”

Astarion raised an eyebrow, then waited patiently as Gale stripped to his briefs. First, he handed him trousers in a deep purple hue. They hugged his figure, but they weren't tight; Astarion indeed knew his measures. Next came a simple, white dress shirt. Over that came a vest of dark gray with silver buttons. Astarion finally pulled out the final piece, and then Gale gasped. 

It was a large overcoat, also im dark purple, similar to a suit, and form fitting around the upper body, but then flared down at the waist into a long tail, indeed reminiscent of robes. Little embroidered flames were along the lapels and wrists. Astarion helped him get it on, then studied him. There was no mistaking the hunger in his eyes.

“Dear gods, you look amazing.” He gave Gale a quick kiss, before dragging him to the standing mirror near their entrance. Gale's eyes widened. The suit fit him like a glove, and he had to admit, he didn't look too silly in it.

“Astarion…I…thank you,” he said, eyes watering once more. “This…this is beautiful! I've always found suits so restrictive, and yet this isn't suffocating, despite the layers.

“Of course not, darling. Each piece was made for you in mind, clothes that would move with you. This is, of course, more a winter getup, but I didn't want to buy everything before getting your approval on this.”

“You spoil me so much…I…”

Astarion stroked his cheek, then pulled him close, hands wrapped around his waist. Their kiss began sweet, reminding him of the first time they had shared such affection. Quickly it changed, Gale shyly running his tongue along Astarion’s lips, his husband eagerly opening his mouth to caress his tongue. They only broke when they were both panting, both aroused. 

It had felt like eternity since they had touched like this. Gale felt a sense of relief to know Astarion still felt desire for him in such a fashion. Again, he stomped the thought.

“What about the other clothes?” He asked, his voice deeper than normal. 

“Let me show you.” The timbre of his husband's voice made him shiver.

Astarion grabbed the thinner box, leading him up to their room. Gently, he helped Gale remove each layer, setting them aside carefully. Gale shivered when his husband worked his pants off, but didn’t linger, despite clear evidence of the heat in him.

What Astarion pulled out was a silk camisole, lavender in color. There was a matching sleeping pants, as well as a robe. 

Gale stood at the mirror in their room, simply staring at himself, this stranger. He had hated his body, no matter what muscle he built, no matter how thin he became. Astarion always reassured him, kept wishing to take him clothing shopping, but Gale hated the idea of others seeing him in clothes that might not fit.

So Astarion had skipped that step, and the clothes fit him quite well. The elf moved behind him, putting his hands on his hips. 

“Come here often, gorgeous?” Astarion teased, and a little twitter of a laugh escaped Gale's lips.

“You always call me these things, and I always find it hard to accept it, especially when we're out with others, with so many attractive people around. I...” He took a breath. He needed to be honest, to talk about his feelings instead of bottling them up. “Sometimes, I get this fear, these thoughts, that you'll realize how plain I am, and simply leave, and I know it's horrible, given how kind you've been.”

Astarion kissed his neck. “Foolish wizard. I know how little you think of yourself. I remember all the times you hid when we were out and about. You are handsome, Gale, but you need to know that isn't the only reason I say it. It's everything about you, your wit, your kindness, your smile. You.”

Gale turned in Astarion's arms to kiss him again. “I….thank you. I love you.”

“I love you, too. Can I hold you? Just like this?”

He responded by wrapping his arms around Astarion's neck, and for the first time in a while, he felt calm.

[lunabo17]

Show You

Gale meets Astarion during their first semester break. He doesn't realize Astarion has feelings for him, never thinking the elf would return his affections. Oh, how wrong he was...

Tw!!!

Warnings: Self-doubt, some body dysmorphic disorder, and Intersex Gale. And manhandling.

And very smutty. I mean very, very, alternate universe, modern setting smut fic here. Also known as "two idiots who should talk, but don't really until they f'ck."

Gale chewed his lip, uncertain how he felt, and very close to simply backing out of meeting Astarion. He took several deeper breaths to calm his nerves. They had grown up together! There was absolutely no reason to panic! 

They had met when his mother and him had moved to Baldur's Gate. He couldn't understand at the time why they had to move, except that they were leaving pa behind, and his mum was crying so much. Only later did he discover he had repeatedly cheated on her. He thought for years that perhaps his pa would reconnect with them, at least check up to see how his son was doing, but the man disappeared. 

So they had moved. Gale, still being quite young, had been upset, didn't want to go to school with new people, didn't want their small apartment. 

Then he met Astarion. He thought that since the pale elf had no father, like him, they soulx have something in common. Instead, they began, of course, on the wrong foot. The first words out of Astarion's mouth was  “You're fat.”

Gale had gone home crying, despite their teacher, Ms. Anderson, demanding Astarion apologize. He wanted to go home to Waterdeep. 

For a few days, Astarion said nothing. The elf, even at that age, was a spoiled brat. He came from a wealthy family, but his mother wanted him to go to a ‘regular’ school, and not end up like his former step-father, Cazador, a pompous mage who regularly beat him. Of course, Gale didn't know this until much later, when Cazador almost killed Astarion, and the elf's mother finally got rid of the nasty man. 

However, one day, a girl with black pigtails was picking on Astarion. 

“You're a freak. Nobody has red eyes.” 

Before anyone could say anything, Gale had slammed his hands on the table. “You take that back! Just because Astarion's different doesn't make him a freak!”

“Gale!” Ms. Anderson called. “We don't raise our voices here. Ms. Hallowleaf, I will be calling your parents. Mr. Dekarios, come here a moment, yes?”

He walked over to the soft, stifled sounds of giggles. 

“Defending Astarion is very kind of you, but yelling and hitting things is not acceptable. We can defend others kindly.”

“Whaf if she tried to push him?”

Ms. Anderson sighed. “That would be a conversation for a future date. For now, I want you to go into the meditation room and think of ways to handle such a situation better.”

After classes, Astarion waited for him, shifting from foot-to-foot. Gale wondered if perhaps he was going to get beat up for sticking his foot in his mouth. To his utter surprise, Astarion quietly thanked him for defending him, and from then on, they were nearly inseparable.

Astarion almost always wished to go to their tiny apartment, rather then their spacious mansion. At first, Gale didn't understand why. It was so big, and they had the biggest library. 

Yet later, he understood the tension Astarion felt, scared that Cazador would beat him for so much as a peep. He finally understood what the bruises Astarion tried to hide meant after Cazador beat him so badly he ended up in the hospital. Gale had ran out of the classroom when he heard, uncaring if he ended up in trouble with Elminster or his troubles. Magic classes were boring anyway!

His mother had met him in the hospital, sat him down, and had a long conversation with him about what she had discovered from Elinora, Astarion's mother. Gale had cried, and perhaps this is what led to Ms. Ancunín allowing him to see her son.

Astarion had looked so small in the hospital, one eye swollen shut, his arm in a cast, and numerous stitches, but still smiled when Gale began to cry again, gingerly holding hands.

After Cazador was finally gone, Astarion truly began to thrive. He became louder, freer. There was no longer fear when they went to the large mansion. 

And as they grew older, Astarion became stronger, working out more. He loved moving, though he was doing fairly well with classes in general. People noticed the pale elf more, now finding him handsome as puberty hit. It seemed almost every day Astarion was caught with a different girl or boy in his lap,  snogging before classes.

Gale had always noticed Astarion. Now, it was turning into something more, but he wasn't as pretty as the boys and girls the elf kissed. He had lost some of his weight over time, but he still wasn't as slim or muscular. He hated most sports, except for archery and swimming. His difference was more pronounced when more of his classes became magically oriented, separating them. They tried to share some classes, math and sciences, but it wasn't easy.

And then came the day they would part, Astarion remaining in Baldur's Gate to study law, Gale traveling to Waterdeep for magic. 

He still hadn't told Astarion his feelings, but that would be fine. Clearly the elf didn't feel the same for him, and why should he? Astarion was stunning, could drop everything to be a model, while Gale was the wall flower, a standard male human, a little chubby, and prone to talk too much about things he loved.

Gale loved classes about magic. He loved learning. Yet what he loved most were his talks with Astarion. It wasn't every day they called each other, but even when they couldn't call, they texted constantly. 

He tried to date, or rather, some offered to take him out. It was almost a temptation, and yet each time, he came up with an excuse. Once, he had even gone on a date, and it was lovely, until his date had tried to get into his pants. Then, he had practically fled. It had become a bit of a scandal, several poking fun at him for rejecting such an attractive person. He had merely thrown himself into studies more, and didn't tell Astarion the story until weeks later.

And now was their first vacation. He didn't particularly care for Baldur's Gate, finding Waterdeep far more pleasant, but his family was here. 

So he, of course, made plans to meet Astarion the day after his return, spending his first day with his mother. He almost backed out, fear gripping him. Instead, he had taken the path he knew so well to the Ancunín estate.

When the door opened, he felt like someone had punched him in the stomach, taking his breath away. Astarion looked even better than ever!

“Dear gods! You grew a beard!” Astarion laughed.

Gale flinched. “Ah, well. It is a bit of a shock, I know. Tara absolutely despises it.”

Without a thought, Astarion pulled him inside, before wrapping his arms around him. “It rather suits you, I think.” 

His heart was hammering as those strong arms held him, and he flushed, though he returned the embrace. “I missed you,” he whispered softly, a little scared to voice it.

“I missed you, too,” Astarion replied easily, before pulling him to his room. “Now, tell me about this study you're in with the Netherese magic.”

Gale smiled, and without pause, began to explain everything he had so far learned. After a few good minutes of him rambling, he noticed Astarion staring at him intently, and his words faltered to a halt, his cheeks once more growing warm.

“Apologies! I didn't mean…!” His words were cut off when the elf leaned forward, capturing his lips in a kiss. Gale gasped, eyes growing wide.

“You're lips are soft,” Astarion said, his cheeks dusted pink.

“W-what…?”

“I…needed to check something. I needed to know.”

“What in the hells are you talking about? Is this a riddle?”

Astarion gave a bark of a laugh. “No! I wanted to know what it felt like to kiss you.”

“Is this something sick joke? You made a bet? Kiss the geek, win a prize?”

“Seriously?”

Gale scurried away, pacing a little, equal parts terrified and turned on. Gods, he was so wet, and elves were known for their sense of smell. 

“Oh gods…!” He murmured, trying to make an escape, but Astarion was quicker, slamming the door closed, and pushing him against it.

“Don't you dare run! Fuck, this isn’t a joke.”

“Dont make fun of me! Someone like you couldn't be a-attracted to me!”

“Oh, really?” The reply was said quietly, deep and dangerous. His lips were captured again, as Astarion pulled their bodies close. He could feel the elf's prick pressing against his, and he gasped, allowing a tongue to plunge into his mouth. Each second the kiss lingered, his resistance crumbled. 

When they pulled apart, a string of saliva connected them, before snapping apart. Gale gasped for air.

“Idiot. You breathe through the nose.” 

“Shut up, I…fuck!” Astarion cut off his words as he rocked his hips.  

“I want that. I want to fuck you so bad.”

Gale shuddered, and he gave another moan. Was he in another wet dream? Was he going to wake up, his clothing soiled, back in Waterdeep, alone? Again?

“This…you can’t want me…”

“Does it feel like I don't want you? I can feel how hard you are, Gale. You want me, too.”

“But I'm…”

Astarion pulled back a little, eyes narrowing. “Not what?”

He chewed his lip, trying to find the words, and it was terribly hard (ha!) with the way Asrarion didn't stop rolling his hips languidly. 

“Gods, you're …beautiful, and, and strong…f-fuck…”

“I always knew you didn't see how lovely you are,” Astarion whispered in his ear. “And now…like this, so aroused in my arms…I need you. Please. I've…wanted this for so long.”

It was those words that made Gale push the elf away, anger marring his face, his emotions so frazzled tears formed in his eyes. “You liar! You were constantly flirting with everyone, making out with so many people! I'm sure you've had people throwing themselves at you, if not hundreds of lovers!”

Astarion grit his teeth, his cheeks aflame. “I haven't."

“W-what?!”

“You heard me! I haven't, you moron! Yes, I kissed a bunch of people, but I didn't do anything else! There! Are you happy?!”

“But…but why…?”

“Because they weren't you!”

“Oh.”

They stared at each other, Astarion still clearly a little angry (or was it embarrassment). All this time, and…they felt the same? 

“Well? Say something!”

Gale gave a little laugh. “I've felt the same. All this time, and it was the same. Gods…”

Despite his sudden fear, he slid the lock with a click. Astarion licked his lips, his gaze predatory, hungry. “And how many have you had, Dekarios? Are you going to teach me?”

He shuddered at the words, at the gaze that stripped him bare. “None. I tried, but I couldn't get you out of my head. I…I…have…have a confession. You…it…it may turn you off.”

“What is it? You have small balls or something? I'm not going to laugh. Much.”

Gale gave a snort. This wasn't how he imagined anything like this going, but their relationship was always leading to surprises. “No…I…maybe…I'll just…show you.”

Astarion raised his eyebrows as Gale slowly moved towards the bed, watching the elf follow him. Gale's eyes moved down, to the press of Astarion's cock against his trousers, straining to be set free. Even clothed, he could tell the elf was large, and dear gods, he was going to die. Before he could change his mind, Gale yanked his pants and briefs off.

“What…?” Astarion began, the single word a little strangled, and then focused between Gale's legs. 

“This wasn't how I planned to tell you, if ever.” Gale spread his legs more, his cock dripping despite the embarrassment, the lips between his legs wet.

“G-gods…you have both…”

“Fuck, shut up. I…”

“Get on the bed. Now.” The order made him gasp, even as he did as told, watching Astarion remove his clothes quickly. He was breathtaking, even with the scars Cazador, that bastard, had left on him. Astarion grabbed something from a drawer, setting it on the table beside them, before joining him. 

Slowly, almost reverently, Astarion helped him take his shirt off, the elf's hands shaking. 

“Astarion,” he breathed, his own breath stuttering. He yelped when cool fingers touched him below.

“Sorry!” Astarion laughed. 

“Bastard! Warn a man next time!”

“I want to touch you,” the elf growled. “I want to touch your cock, and now that I know about it, I want to fuck your cunt.”

He gasped at the crude language. “A-Astarion!”

“Can I touch you?”

He closed his eyes, shuddered. “Yes, t-touch me. Slowly…I…I've only ever…I have toys…”

Astarion shivered at the words, taking a sharp inhale. Gently, his fingers once more touched Gale. “You're so soft…”

Gale barely managed not to squeeze his legs together. “You’re going to kill me.”

The grin he received was full of teeth. “I can try.” He grabbed the bottle from the bedside table, squirting lube onto his fingers.

“W-what…?”

“I want to be sure…I want you to feel good. No chances.”

“You planned this,” he said, a little breathless.

The finger that slipped inside him was cool, slick, and Gale panted at the single digit inside of him, long and dexterous, but Astarion moved slow. He had never thought he would be here, underneath his one love, a finger gently stroking inside him. 

“Gods, look at you. This is so much better than I ever imagined.” Astarion's voice was already hoarse. Gale squeezed his internal muscles, and he could see the elf's eyes dilate further, his cock twitching. 

The second finger that entered him was just as gentle, Astarion moving them in and out slowly. They hadn't needed the lube, Gale plenty wet, the sounds as he was fucked obscene. Then, as he grew accustomed to the fingers stretching him, Astarion grew bolder, ramming his fingers hard. Gale threw his head back, not recognizing the sound of his voice as he gave a higher-pitched cry.

“Yes, just like that,” Astarion murmured, voice deepened, watching him as he became even more wet. Gale clenched the bedsheets.

“Please, in me! Astarion!” The words made the elf shudder, his fingers pulling free. Gale squeezed his core, arching his back, before wrapping his legs loosely around Astarion's waist.

“You're so beautiful. Gods, like a work of art.”

Gale would have scoffed if Astarion didn't begin to push inside him, stretching him far more than any of his toys had. It was a burning, dull pain-pleasure, stretching him, each nerve lighting up. Astarion was inside him. Astarion was fucking him. 

As Astarion pushed into him entirely, Gale cried out as he came, squeezing around the length inside him, the orgasm deep in his core.

“Fuck,” Astarion growled, leaning down to nip at his neck. “I'm not letting you leave my bed ever if you keep doing that.”

Gale gave a throat laugh, tears in his eyes from the overwhelming sensations, the elf so deep, so big, inside him, but more importantly, he had Astarion with him. Astarion wanted him. 

“Fuck me,” he moaned, squeezing again. “I need to feel you move.”

“Fuck.” Astarion grit his teeth, pulling out nearly all the way, before sliding back in. “I'm not going to last. Gale…fuck…”

“Then don't! Do it! Harder!”

With a snarl, Astarion grabbed Gale's thighs, pushing them apart wider, before snapping his hips. The pace he set was frantic, each thrust punching a debauched “ah” from Gale's lips. His cock bounced with their movements, the bedframe tapping rhythmically into the wall. Despite how sensitive he felt after his first orgasm, he felt himself climbing another precipice, faster than before. 

It only took few thrusts before he felt Astarion shoot inside him, each spurt filling him further. Gods, not only was he big, but the elf came a lot! 

But the thought was fleeting. When a hand wrapped around his length, Gale threw his head back, giving a loud shout of “yes,” his cock shooting heavy loads of come onto his chest, and Astarion kept rolling his hips, watching as he came entirely undone, violently shaking at the ecstasy surging through him.

Only when he gave a small whine did Astarion finally stop, still sheathed inside him, their hearts begin to slow from frantic to calm.

Slowly, Astarion lowered his legs, his hips giving an indignant twinge, and then the elf pulled out carefully. His nerves were still raw, the movement causing him to groan softly. He could feel something sliding out of him, probably the copious amount of Astarion's spend.

“Fuck,” Astarion said, his eyes glued between Gale's legs. 

“I think you already did,” he rasped. Despite the little spike of embarrassment, he didn't close his legs.

Astarion smirked, but didn't touch him yet. “And I plan to do it a few more times.” Now, he leaned down, giving him a filthy kiss, thrusting his tongue inside again, and once more Gale hopelessly moaned into it. 

“Your mother…” he began, leaning his head to the side as Astarion sucked hickies into his neck. It wasn't like the knowledge others were in the house stopped them.

“Business trip. Should be back in two days.”

“Astarion…”

“Yes, darling?” The elf teased, trailing kisses as he moved lower. Gale had a feeling he knew where this was going, realized he was not going to be able to move the following day, and Astarion probably knew it.

Gale sat up on his elbows. “I hope you plan to bring me breakfast in bed tomorrow.” He bit back a moan as Astarion hovered over his already hardening prick.

Astarion's eyes twinkled, and the elf gave him another toothy grin. “As you wish.”

After that, they didn't need words for quite a while.

[lunabo17]

Shatter Into Pieces

7. Passion

Gale attempts magic, and fails. Astarion reassures him that he's not going anywhere.

TW!

!!!!Warnings: depression, anxiety, self-doubt, self-worth issues, spiraling thoughts.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/67437161/chapters/175851676

Astarion was downstairs doing some exercises when Gale attempted to use magic again. His mind had swirled so much that he knew attempting any form of magic would certainly be unwise, but his thoughts were getting better. So what if he sometimes wondered when the other shoe would drop? What if the little voice in the back of his head said he wasn't enough, that he burdened everyone, that everyone would leave? 

So he attempted a simple spell, a little flame in his hand…

You are…

Nothing. 

He took a breath, his hand shaking a little. He felt little flutters of ice butterflies in his stomach, the vise tightening, his insides turning. He just needed to…

Nothing. Worthless. Unlovable. Ugly. Failure.

Concentrate. His eyes began to water as the spell fizzled before it even began, his voice wavering, like an amateur. Of course he couldn't probably channel. He thought that after the Orb debacle, he would simply continue to regain his strength, which he had. And now…

Had Mystra cut him off from magic entirely? 

Without magic, what was he? 

He covered his face, silently crying. If he couldn't use magic, he truly was nothing. He wouldn't be able to teach, or research, or anything. He would lose his job, once more face the whispers behind his back about his position, laughed at by the bolder people. He could see it all in his mind. 

His mother talking to her little group, the others gently consoling her for having a worthless son…

Astarion being jeered at, people refusing to hire him because of his useless toy of a spouse, many suggesting he find a more valuable partner…

“Sweetheart?”

Gale nearly jumped out of the chair, shaking so hard he bumped the table beside him. He wiped the tears from his eyes, and plastered a smile on his face.

“Sorry, sorry! Just had a moment, that's all. I promise I'm all good.” Gale didn't look directly at Astarion until the elf got down on his knees, taking one of Gale's hands in his. He noticed his hair was wet, so he must have showered. The workout session was far shorter than normal, probably to keep an eye on him. He simply had to wreck every life, didn't he?

“Want to go sit on the couch with me and talk a little?”

“You don't need to waste so much time on me, Astarion.”

A frown marred the elf's face. “Waste? You think spending time and talking with you is a waste?”

His hand shook a little, more tears slipping from his eyes. “Isn't it? You took time off from your job, and you work out less, and we hardly leave, and even when we do, I often panic.” His voice cracked on the words. 

Astarion stood, tugging at his hand, and he allowed himself to be pulled to his feet. The elf led him to the couch, sitting down, but when he moved to sit beside him, Astarion tugged his hand.

“On my lap.”

“But…”

“Lap, Gale.”

Despite his inner pain, he felt a slight curl of arousal at the order. Gingerly, he sat down, allowing himself to be maneuvered so he could lean his head on Astarion's chest.

“All right, my darling wizard. What upset you this time?”

He clenched his hand. This time. Everything upset him. He simply couldn't get anything right. 

“Shhh…my sweet, it's all right. I'm here. Tell me what is going through your mind. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere.” 

Gale hadn't realized he had been making sounds, distressed noises in the back of his throat, little hiccups when he tried to regulate his breath.

“I c-can't…my magic…it's…I can't…”

He couldn't continue, the very thought of everything he had known, everything that made him even a little special gone. 

“You tried to cast, and it didn't work? Sweetheart, you're still in the beginning of recovery. You told me once that a good spell requires the union of words and movement, and you're still very distraught."

“If…if I can't use magic, what am I?”

For a moment, Astarion said nothing, his fingers moving through his hair. 

“All right. If you can't use magic again, what then?”

The question threw him off guard, and he blinked, clinging to his husband's shirt. “Then….then I'll lose my job…”

“All right. So what?”

“But then I can't help with bills or, or buy you things!”

“And?”

“You'll have to work harder, and I'll…I don't know what I'll do, and people will say nasty things, and you'll be so ashamed and…leave…you…you'll…”

“You think I'll leave still? Even after all we've been through?”

“It's too much. To deal with this. I'm hurting you, and mum, and Tara.”

“This isn't easy for any of us, but the person hurting the most is you, Gale. Every day, you get up, despite all these thoughts bombarding your head, and you try to do things, and before you argue, yes, I know it doesn't all work out, but you are trying. Remember what Omeluum said? Some days will be better, and some worse.”

“I…”

“So let's say you can't get your magic back, and I highly doubt it. But let's just say it's gone. Fine! We'll find you something else, then. If a person lost the use of their limbs, would you tell them to just give up and do nothing? No, you'd encourage them to find a new path, and you'd help them. Gods, I know you personally would drop everything to help any of us if we were in such a situation. So if it comes to that, we'll find you a new passion. I promise.”

Gale closed his eyes. “Promise…”

“Always. We could lose everything we own, and I wouldn't care as long as I'm with you.”

“Astarion…”

“Life isn't about having good times and perfection every second of every day, my beautiful wizard. It's also about cleaning up the muck, dealing with the ugly, painful bits. And we'll deal with it together, the ups and downs and turnarounds, just like a roller coaster. If we end up somewhere else, then we'll explore it.”

“Aren't you tired of this? Of me breaking down all the time?”

“It hurts to see you like this. I'm terrified you'll spiral too much, and we'll need to take more drastic measures. I want you to feel better, but it doesn't mean I want to leave. I just want to kick your anxiety monster a bit.”

The image of Astarion stomping on some stranger blob made him giggle a little, and he clapped a hand over his mouth, eyes wide. However, the smile that crossed the elf's face was of utter delight, eyes twinkling. 

“Ah ha!! Is that what we need to do, then? Fight this awful creature? Does that make me your knight in shining armour? Ugh, I think I'd look better in tight leathers rather than plate. Hmmm, yes. Leathers is better. More maneuverability. Easier to stab monsters with.”

“Astarion! Really?"

“Of course! See, we know people who are more the upfront fighters. I'd be…a rogue. Maybe a thief. Oh wait, some of my clients already think I am one.”

“You're not! You're amazing, and talented!”

“And so are you, my love, and I'll remind you each and every day.”

[lunabo17]

Shatter Into Pieces

Steps

Astarion and Gale begin going to the gym together to see if there's are exercises for the wizard.

Tw!!!

!!Warnings!! Some anxiety still, distorted thinking, body dysmorphia, but we see Gale getting better. Also, they get a little handsy.!!!

As Gale slowly began to feel better, Astarion mentioned possibly going to the gym. He reassured him it had nothing to do with getting Gale to a different weight or figure; Astarion made it clear that if he gained all his weight back and more, he would be happy as long as Gale was in a good mental state. However, they both knew some exercise could help with his mental health, too.

He was absolutely terrified to go. They had a small gym, but it was limited to the elliptical and weights. Gale also knew it was partially an excuse to get out of the house a little. It didn't stop the fear, surrounded by a bunch of strangers, always wondering if the whispers were about him. 

His husband knew his thoughts, so Astarion talked with Karlach, who owned her own gym, and said they could come after hours. 

Gale liked Karlach; she was always so cheerful, but looked like she could carry five people on her back easily. Even seeing her so she could let them in made him nervous, but he would try. 

After Karlach let them in, she pulled Gale into a tight hug, lifting him up a little.

“Easy!” Astarion called. “Stop being a barbarian.”

The tiefling laughed loudly. “I'm just so happy to see Gale!”

The wizard gave a small smile, hunched over a little with fear as he was studied. He could see Karlach's eyes fill with tears. “Gods, you've lost so much weight! I should have brought some goodies for you!”

“No, no! Please, you're being too kind, allowing us to come here after hours,” he said softly. 

“Hey, if it helps you get better, I'll let ya in after hours a few times.”

“Thank you, Karlach,” Astarion said. “Really. You didn't have to do this.”

Gale bit his lip, knowing they were keeping Karlach away from her own life, but before he could spiral, she said, “friends do whatever they can to help. This is small stuff. Anyway, just let me know when you want to leave. I'll be in the office. But don't pull an all-nighter, okay?”

“Got it.”

Quietly, Astarion showed him around, discussing various machines. Gale had attempted to use the elliptical a few times, but discovered quickly that his mind tended to wander, and usually ended up in a bad place. His husband hoped that perhaps there would be something that would preoccupy him better. 

He hated running, so he avoided the treadmills; if he wanted to walk, he would rather go out (eventually). They had taken a few strolls, in fact, though they had to turn around a few times in the beginning when his anxiety became overwhelming.

Gale didn't see himself going to the gym regularly, nor did he imagine he would become as active as Astarion. Still, he admitted it was nice to go somewhere, and the place wasn't as intimidating as when there were others.

Eventually, they ended up in the pool area. He knew it was part of the plan, but the idea of being even partially naked caused his nerves to flair. 

“Do you want to swim a lap or two?”

He released a breath he had been holding, his heart beating loud in his ears. He could decline, and he knew Astarion would be all right with his decision. Despite his fears, he decided to try.

They changed quietly before returning to the pool. Gale knew how to swim, but it had been a while. Chewing his lips, he watched his husband gracefully dive into the deep end, while he made his way to the shallows. With a deep breath in, he removed his shirt. Nobody would see him, but his husband (unless Karlach burst through the doors, but he believed she was a little more respectful than that, unless she watched the cameras). Nonetheless, he wanted to hide, and he sat down, putting his feet into the pool. 

The water was warmer than he expected, but he watched Astarion swim over to him, always graceful. He kicked his feet a little, until his husband was right beside him, pushing his hair out of his face.

“Hi,” Gale said quietly. 

“Hello, lovely.  Want to join me?”

Gale took a breath, then carefully entered the pool. As the water surrounded him, he exhaled, feeling an almost sense of calm. He was still very aware of the difference in their bodies, feeling like a formless lump compared to the beautiful statue of his husband. Yet the water gently held him, took some of his weight off aching limbs. He wanted to float here, to close his eyes and just relax. However, they couldn't do that to Karlach. 

“I haven't gone swimming in a long time,” he said softly. “I'll probably swim like a frog.”

“We're not in a competition, darling. It's what makes you comfortable.” 

He closed his eyes, chewing his lip once more. He didn't remember much, except he wasn't a great swimmer, just adequate.

“There's a few different things we could do, but we won't have time to do all of them. There's a whole list of aquatic exercises. How about for now we just try basics, and see what you feel comfortable with.”

He gave a small nod with an equally small smile. His husband was so very patient, so kind. 

In the end, he felt most relaxed on his back, performing what Astarion called an ‘inverted breaststroke.’ He could float for a bit between the strokes, allowing the momentum to carry him, to feel the gentle cradle of the water. Astarion moved with him, watching to make sure he stayed afloat, and didn't hit anything. It was the calmest he had felt in a while. 

They made two laps, though he imagined he was a bit slow. Astarion helped him out of the water, and only then did he realize how tired he felt, his body informing him he had done things he wasn't used to. 

“I could carry you,” Astarion teased as he held him, his legs a little wobbly. 

“Don’t you dare. I'll never live it down if Karlach is watching security.” His husband just laughed, walking with him to the showers.

He expected to clean up quickly, then to find Karlach and leave. He didn't expect Astarion to pull him under the same shower, for his husband to kiss him. 

“I'm so proud of you for coming here. I know you hate gyms,” Astarion whispered against his lips. 

A flush of embarrassment ran along his body. “Nobody was really here.”

“It doesn't matter. It was still difficult. I know you wanted to cancel.”

Their lips met again, and then he pushed a little harder, his mouth opening on a small groan as Astarion cupped his ass. It would be so easy, their tongues in each other's mouths, their bodies gently undulating. Gale shuddered, and Astarion pulled away, his cheeks flushed pink.

“Not yet,” Astarion said, his voice deepened. 

“But…”

Did Astarion not want him anymore? But then, why would they kiss or touch each other?

“Not here, and not yet, love. I don't want to keep Karlach here for too much longer, and I don't think we're quite ready for too much more.”

“You started it.”

Astarion laughed. “True.” Gently, he helped Gale wash most of the chlorine water away; he could use magic, but the gentle feel of his husband's caress, warm water cascading around him, kept him in a calming state.

Perhaps…perhaps he could believe his husband still loved him, despite how inadequate he felt. 

Dressed once more, they went to the office, finding Karlach munching on a grilled cheese sandwich. 

“Want some?” Karlach asked. “Jen came by and brought it. Fancy grilled cheese, with parmesan on the outside, and garlic. Can't forget the garlic! You find something you like?”

Gale held up his hands when Karlach offered him a piece. “I…uh, no, not tonight. The sandwich, I mean. Swimming was nice.”

“Does this mean Mr. Lawyer is going to build a swimming pool fucking finally?”

To his surprise and some horror, Astarion simply rolled his eyes. “You know I've thought of it for a while.”

“You…please…you already do so much. I…you wouldn't…just for me.”

Gently, Astarion caressed his cheek. “It isn't just because of this. I do like swimming. You enjoying it is just a perk.”

“Astarion…” His eyes began to water. “I don't deserve you.”

“You deserve everything and more, sweetheart. Money doesn't mean much to me, especially when you come from a long line of long-lived elven snobs. What matters is your happiness.”

“You two are so fucking cute,” Karlach said, a huge grin on her face.

Astarion gave an overly dramatic sigh as Gale hid his face in his husband's face. “Seriously, though. Thank you, Karlach. I know it's late, and you didn't need to do this.”

“Oh posh. I'm just glad to see you both. Just promise to invite me when you get the new pool. Oooo, we can have a pool party! Hey, can we bring Scratch over! I bet he'd love a swim!” 

“We'll think about it. We're going to head off.”

Karlach gave Gale another tight hug. “Get better, magic man, okay?”

“Okay,” he replied, a little breathless. 

When they got in the car, he said, “we should get her something. For the favour.”

“Okay. Or just invite her when we get a pool.”

“Youre really going to do it. Just like that? Because…of me?”

“It's worth it. I saw how relaxed you looked when we were swimming.”

Gale laughed. “Like a chubby frog.”

“Calm. Beautiful.”

He closed his eyes, still finding such words difficult to hear, still not believing them.

But Astarion kept saying them. He wanted to believe he meant them.

Quietly, he took one of his husband's hands and squeezed. 

[lunabo17]

Shatter Into Pieces

Reflections

TW!!!!!

!!!WARNINGS!!! Anxiety, depression, talk of self-harm, body dysmorphia, distorted thinking

Tags updated, rating changed

Disjointed day today. Writing and gaming helps. Thank you, everyone, for reading this! I promise there will be less angst as we go, and more happiness.

Like all things in life, Gale knew change took time. It didn't stop him from wondering at times if things would really get better, or if he would always feel like in a fog, always uncertain, scared. 

He had a dream that Astarion became fed up with him, and finally decided to leave him for another. He begged and pleaded for him to stay, but the elf walked away in the arms of another, leaving Gale to cry into his hands, alone once more. He woke up tense, disoriented, wondering if the dream was reality, until he heard the sound of running water in the bathroom, realized he was still in their house.

Gale faked a smile when Astarion asked him how he felt, told him he was all right. His husband needed to go to work today for a few hours to settle some things before he took leave. 

Astarion came from a very wealthy family, though his father passed away shortly after his sister, Dalyria, was born. In their teens, his mother remarried, and the children absolutely hated Cazador. Astarion always said he felt something wasn't right with his stepfather, and that was despite a few times the man 'accidently' hurt one of the children, whether his own or adopted. It was when they found their mother nearly comatose, having been poisoned by the bastard so he could get her wealth, that they realized he truly was scum. Astarion's mother thankfully survived, but it had been a near thing, leaving her weakened.

The only good thing to come from Cazador was it allowed several of the children to decide on career paths. Petras, Aurelia,  and Astarion went into law, Leon went to med school, and Dalyria went into research pharmacy. Yousen and Violet picked differently, Yousen choosing architecture, while Violet opened a flower shop. Astarion's mother cared for all her children, even the adopted ones, and still helped them on their feet. 

When he was able, Astarion built his own house, mostly able to do so because of his family. He didn't particularly care if others thought him frivolous, especially since he hardly had a name to himself at the time. However, Astarion wanted a place for himself and Gale. The elf often asked him for advice, though Gale felt uncomfortable. He certainly wasn't marrying Astarion for the money, though he knew many thought he was. He never told anyone but those close to him that he paid for his own schooling,  refusing any assistance from his then boyfriend. 

The house Astarion owned was not a giant mansion like Cazador owned. There was a modest living room, two decent sized studies, one for each of them, a spacious bedroom, a bathing room with a large tub, and a gorgeous kitchen. The basement was split between an exercise room that Astarion mostly used (though Gale sometimes used the elliptical), and a small guest room with an attached bathroom. 

The kitchen, Astarion admitted, he made a little larger because he knew Gale and Morena loved to cook.

Gale occasionally gave a few ideas in the planning for certain colors, or pieces of furniture he liked from what Astarion showed him. However, the one thing he had accidentally opened his mouth about, and hadn't realized would make it onto the property, was a hot tub in a smaller building in the yard. He had once mentioned visiting a spa with one that had helped his sore muscles, and only realized later the mistake of saying anything. 

When one first entered the building, they were met with a little indoor garden area with various plants, and a few herbs. Walking through the garden led to the hot tub room, closed so no one could peek in, except for the ceiling that was reinforced glass to look up at the sky.

This is where Gale eventually went, Tara following him to the garden room so he wouldn't be entirely alone. Though his crying spells had greatly reduced, he still wasn't entirely present, and his thoughts still occasionally spiraled, like this day after his dream.

He knew, logically, that it truly was just a dream, but he couldn't quite break from the fear. He sat on the edge of the tub, watching the water bubble, his legs relaxing as the heat seeped into sore muscles. Yet what would he see if the water was smooth, reflecting his image?

Gale tapped his wrist, a nervous habit he had begun once when the thoughts of cutting himself were present. They were fleeting, but still caused his stomach to clench. He had lost significant weight, yet still didn't have the chiseled stomach Astarion boasted. He knew that it took training, diligence, things he wasn't prone to when it came to exercise. Often, Gale had stared at himself in the mirror, trying to find the attraction. Though he was a human with considerable magical skills, able to prolong his lifespan to match his husband's, he was still...well, Gale. Dark circles under his eyes lingered, even more so now, his body covered in hair. Where Astarion had muscle weight, Gale was just weight. He loved food, loved to sit with Tara in the little garden and just read. And Astarion...

Astarion was the most handsome man he ever met. Even as a child, he held a pale grace, only growing in beauty as they became adults. His husband took pride in taking care of himself, and Gale was...

A memory came to him, in the very beginning when they began to date. They had gone to a club to drink with a few friends, celebrating they had survived their first semester. Astarion had gone to the dance floor, but Gale had been terrified. He didn't know how to dance, but had reassured his boyfriend that he would be all right just watching. Gods, he had been so wrong. People, of course, tried to dance with the elf, attracted to his beauty, to this mysterious man with a crooked smile.

What did Gale have in comparison? He was a plain man with already greying hair, despite his young age, and could talk someone's ears off to boredom about subjects he enjoyed. He loved food, magic, and gaming, the epitome of a geek gamer. He was a nobody compared to Astarion. 

He had stood up, and walked outside the club to lean against the wall, fighting back tears of frustration. Nobody would notice him gone anyway. As the minutes ticked by, and nobody came to find him, he resigned himself to simply go home, and wallow in self-pity. Then tomorrow, he would set Astarion free.

But Astarion found him, nearly frantic. He had been yelled at for scaring him, even as he was pulled into a tight hug. 

"Promise never to scare me like that."

He had promised.

But then he broke it, hadn't he?

He carefully slid into the hot tub, tears once more falling. He had been doing pretty good, too, he thought. He hadn't cried for a day. Gods, why would anyone want a mess like him?

Gale nearly jumped out of the tub when he heard the door open, his eyes widening as he saw his husband. The small smile on the elf's face quickly morphed into a frown when he saw Gale, and the wizard cursed himself for being so pathetic, for not controlling himself.

"What's wrong, love?" Aatarion asked, quickly shedding his clothes to join him. 

Gale chewed at his lip, staring at the bubbling water. Instead of an answer, he said, "I thought you'd still be at work."

"We got things done a little faster, though I still wanted to tear my hair out the few hours I had to deal with the bullshit. Gale, you're avoiding the question. Why are you crying? What's wrong?"

Like a pot boiling over, he spat his answer. "Me! I'm wrong! Everything about me! My body, my hair, my brain, everything! I can't...I don't understand why you...why me? Jen or Karlach or Tav...they're so much better! Why me? Why?"

Astarion pulled him close. "I knew you always disliked your body, hiding it under unflattering clothes. Gods, Gale. I should have told you sooner, every day, how much I find you attractive, every curve, every seemingly flaw. You're beautiful, even if you don't see it."

"Liar."

"Not this time, no. I mean it. I clearly need to do a better job to make that clear. You're beautiful."

"Stop."

"Never. Even before we were officially dating, I wanted you. I..."

Gale slapped his hand over Astarion's mouth to stop his words, disbelief and embarrassment at war. A pinch at his waist made him yelp, and then his lips were captured in a sweet kiss.

"Astarion..." He breathed against his husband's lips. A part of himself wanted to push for more, but a larger part was terrified, not ready. But his husband simply helped him out of the tub, wrapping him in a soft robe, so gentle, as if he were a delicate, precious gift. Quietly, Astarion led him into the garden, steering them to one of the couches, pulling him back into his embrace. 

"I love you, Gale Ancunín-Dekarios. I'll say it every day until it burns all your doubt away, tell you how beautiful you are until you believe it. I love you."

His throat became tight, and he shook a little in Astarion's arms. Gale needed to say he loved him, too, but feared if he tried to say anything, he would merely break entirely. He clung to the robes Astarion wore, hoping his husband knew how important he was, how much he loved him so very much. 

And for a moment, as their lips met in a kiss, he did believe.

[lunabo17]

Shatter Into Pieces

Chapter 4 Up and Down

Despite the fear and constant worry, Astarion stays by Gale's side.

!!!WARNINGS!! Anxiety, depression, vomiting, fear, sadness

Despite the exhaustion, Gale's mind wouldn't shut up, no matter what he tried. He attempted to read a bit from a few books Dr. Hope let him borrow (which she reassured him he could keep as long as he needed, and not to find it a surprise that it might take quite a while to really fully be able to work through them). Most were about some form of therapy known as cognitive behavioral therapy, methods that required practice and patience. He had flipped through one book, already noting some things hd wished to highlight, and realizing he couldn't because the books weren't his.

So he logically purchased every one he borrowed to have his own copy to do as he pleased. Astarion raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything otherwise. However, despite everything, his mind kept wandering, worries over the stress he added to his loved ones, the fear hd would never get better, his job, the kids at school...

He tried listening to music. He wandered a bit, fearful of disturbing Astarion's rest more. He looked at various foods in their pantry, then decided not to eat anything. He decided to heat up some milk and honey, then began crying, because he wasn't a little child, and yet he felt so very helpless.

Astarion rubbed his back (though he wasn't sure when his husband joined him in the kitchen).

"It's okay, dear heart. Little steps, okay?"

They sat on the couch, and Gale took small sips of the milk and honey, the liquid warming his stomach. How could a person be tired, and yet unable to sleep?

How could a person be so selfish?

He fell into a half doze, Astarion's fingers running through his hair.

Around him stood faceless people, jeering at him, laughing as he stood with blood running down his arms and legs. If didnt matter that there were others near him; never had he felt so alone.

His eyes snapped open, his heart pounding, and he feared his arteries would burst.

"Gale?" Astarion asked drowsily, his voice a little hoarse from sleep.

"It's okay," he said, pulling away. "Go back to sleep. It's okay."

But it wasn't. It wasn't okay, and he wanted it to stop.

Astarion didn't go back to sleep, instead opting to make some coffee for himself, tea for Gale, before their meeting with the medication doctor. Jen warned them both that the two doctors in the clinic they were going to were considered unusual, but the top of their field; one was a hobgoblin named 'Blurg', and the other a mindflayer, 'Omeluum.' Though there were mindflayers that broke free of their hives, very few showed kindness. Omeluum and Blurg were exceptions to their races.

When they went, he could tell Astarion was still a little wary, even when Jen reassured him she trusted them fully. Omeluum was polite, but firm, warned him there would be good days and bad, that it would take time and work to find the calm that Gale so desperately wished.

It was exhausting, and yet there was a spark of hope, that perhaps soon, he would be better.

Morena once more went to pick up his medications, though Astarion assured her he could go as well. Gale simply sat, watching, but not paying much attention.

Then, the doorbell rang. Astarion opened the door.

"Freya. Petras," his husband greeted. The name of his adoptive brother was just a little icy on Astarion's lips.

"Yeah, just came to apologize for...well, ya know."

"Promise we won't stay too long!" Freya chirped. She was a fashionable, young tiefling, beautiful blue-grey skin, and lovely, white horns. She loved to flirt as much as Astarion, and playfully began trading barbs and flirtations with his husband. It felt natural to them, easy.

He, on the other hand, was a bumbling fool when it came to such things, easily stumbling on his words when someone began to flirt with him. It had brought a lot of delight to Astarion to see him practically burst into flames. Gale loved romance, loved gestures, like a carefully planned meal for two that he personally cooked. Words, however, he often stumbled with unless he practiced, except when it came to subjects he knew well.

Gale stood up abruptly as his stomach twisted like a shirt wrung out, not even managing to utter a sound before he raced to the bathroom. He barely managed to get to the toilet before his stomach emptied the pitiful liquid he consumed, his eyes watering.

Why couldn't he be so beautiful? Why couldn't he weave words together so eloquently?

Why was he like this? Why, why, why?

"It's going to be okay, Gale," Astarion said, holding his hair out of his face.

"It's not okay! It won't be!" He snapped, tears falling from his eyes, another weakness. Another failure. "I can't...I can't do anything right, and I'm hurting everyone, and you deserve so much better than me and this mess. You deserve happiness, and it hurts so much. I want it to stop, and it won't stop." He began sobbing, so very frustrated with his mind and body, so hateful of himself for never being enough.

Astarion pulled him close, tears in his own eyes. "I know you're hurting. You're fighting a hard battle right now, and I'm so very proud of you. I know what you think of yourself, but we're going to get through this, and we're going to do it together, one minute at a time."

"I don't deserve you."

"You deserve everything, and more. If I could fetch you a star to make you happy, even the moon or sun, I would immediately. Anything and everything, no matter the cost. I love you."

With shaking limbs, tears still falling, Astarion helped him to stand, to wash out and brush his mouth. He still couldn't stop his emotions, the heavy feeling in his chest, the disconnection from reality. He was Gale, broken and crying in Astarion's arms. He was Gale, watching himself shatter into tiny pieces, not sure if he could ever make things fit, if he could ever find calm happiness again.

He wanted to scream, to push, to not move again, sleep so he didn't have to think, to worry.

Astarion led him back to the couch, and Petras set some warm cocoa in front of them.

"Call if you need anything, shrimp."

"Gods, I hate you. Just leave already, you donkey. And...thanks."

Gale sighed, closing his eyes again at the soft farewells. He fell once more into a half-sleep, hoping the nightmare would end, knowing they were jusf at the very beginning.

He was so very tired.

[lunabo17]

Awakening

Chapter 10: Uncertainty

Welcome to the chapter of little plot and a heavy dose of smut.

The party return to the Grove to gather supplies and attend a tiefling party. Astarion and Gale have their own party.

Warnings: smut and filth. Really.

Astarion knew Gale hid behind a mental wall, felt the barest trickle of worry filtering through. There was no doubt in his mind it partially came from Halsin's comments the night prior, though not entirely. Mystra's recent orders certainly didn't help, nor Gale's active mind.

His wizard pretended cheerfulness, but it was a mask, hiding the splintering within. Fear was a powerful foe that Astarion knew well. As much as he wanted to kill Cazador, he feared him just as much, scared he would once more lose himself, become the elder vampire's puppet. 

And then there was this whole aspect of learning to live again, something both exhilarating and terrifying. He couldn't really remember a lot of his old life, or even much about himself, just little pieces. How did he know who he was beyond the puppet Cazador created? 

Gale, too, was in a similar situation, steered by Mystra, then put into his long sleep. With the Karsus Weave evolving, and new powers emerging, everything he knew was gone. 

Astarion meant it when he said they would learn together, even if others tried to pull them apart.

Returning to the Emerald Grove, they immediately went to the market in search of provisions, while Halsin went to reprimand Kagha. 

“Dried meats will probably be best, as well as some dried fruits,” Gale mused. “These sausages look promising.”

Astarion opened his mouth to make a suggestive remark on their shape, but the words died on his lips when Gale took his hand and laced their fingers. The wizard looked at him, tilting his head to the side in question, and the sudden urge to ravish him was quite strong.

“I…well, all right. I imagine you're more knowledgeable about this than I am.”

“Out of curiosity, since I am sorely lacking in my research on…your condition, can you eat comfortably?”

“I can eat solid food, but no. Not comfortably. It doesn't really do anything for me, and the digestive track is so slow, it is rather unpleasant.” 

“That's a shame. I would have loved to cook something special for you.”

He swallowed his next response, to say he certainly could offer him several other meals instead. A flush spread across Gale's face, most likely thinking the same thing. He smirked a little, picking up several dried meats, as well as some dried fish that Gale had glanced at. Perhaps Tara would enjoy the fish, though given she wasn't exactly a cat or tressym…

But really, after everything they had experienced so far, he couldn't really just think of Tara as a thing, or a simple illusion of the Orb. She appeared genuinely distressed when the Owlbear cub faced death, and she certainly adored her human (though he still hadn't quite forgiven her for messing his hair in the mornings).

Astarion, at first, believed perhaps she simply mirrored Gale, and certainly she had some of his mannerisms. Yet Gale said even when he first received the Orb, he felt sentience that only grew as the years passed. Still, she wasn't just a tressym Gale summoned and accidentally merged with the powers of the Orb. He still worried she would become a danger to them, but it was simply another layer to the rest.

Quietly, for a moment, he watched his wizard sort through new shipments of robes and armour, Gale studying each piece like appraising a work of art. Perhaps magical items truly deserved such scrutiny. He turned to the more mundane leathers, as well as a few items for repair if they couldn't escape the Shadow-Cursed lands quickly. 

Gale slipped a locket into his hand after they made their purchases, and he raised an eyebrow.

“It has a warmth enchantment on it. I thought you might find it pleasant on the road.”

A smile stretched across his lips, a small, genuine thing. He couldn't remember a time when an action was simply for his comfort. Unfortunately, it lasted only a handful of minutes until Wyll found them, and informed them of a party the tieflings wished to hold for them.

“They've already prepared everything, so we can't simply say ‘no.’”

Gale sighed. “I suppose we must celebrate such things when we can.”

Astarion kept his thoughts to himself. They thought of them as heroes, but the danger wasn't gone.

That evening, it wasn't simply the tieflings that celebrated, but many of the druids as well, nestled in the safety of the high trees. He absolutely hated it, all the well-wishes, the thank yous, and so forth. Everything they did was for a chance to kill their tadpoles, not to save the druids or tieflings (even if the thought of the goblins torturing and enslaving anyone left a sour taste in his mouth). There was far too much wine and too little food. 

His eyes followed Gale as he talked with various people. Astarion almost wished to see him drunk, except they would be traveling. For a little bit, the tieflings would be with them on the road, before they made their way to Orion to see if they could find a way into the Underdark that would hopefully lead them closer to the heart of the Absolute and avoid the curse. The tieflings were attempting to skirt most of the Shadow-Cursed area to make their way to Baldur's Gate.

Their eyes met, and Gale walked over to talk with him, hardly stopping for a moment to say a few words to Rolan and his siblings, before approaching him. Astarion set his wine aside, and pulled his lover into his arms. He was fairly sure he heard a few giggles and groans, but he ignored them. 

“They set aside the rooms for us again,” he whispered in Gale's ear. “This party's boring. How about something a little more exciting?”

“More exciting than people praising your prowess on the battlefield?”

“Far more exciting.”

“Oh?”

“Sex, handsome.”

He was pleased as Gale's face colored, but he felt the warmth of arousal trickle through the cracks of the mental barrier, felt his lover press a little closer. “And if I want to spend more time praising you?”

“I already know I'm wonderful.”

“And humble, too.”

“Bah! We're in the middle of a life and death situation. We don't have time for that.”

Gale laughed, so very carefree, and he took that as a victory, felt the slight loosening of tension, a sense of relief. Astarion pulled his lover towards the rooms the druids left for them, their temporary sanctuary that felt more like home than Cazador's palace ever did. 

For a moment, they simply stared at each other, Gale caressing his cheek softly, gently. Of all the things that occurred since Cazador had taken him, since the tadpoles had been shoved into his head, finding his soul mate had been the last thing he had expected. Yet before him stood this ethereal being, slowly gaining some of his more natural coloring, and yet still glowing, like a firefly. 

“Will you do me a favor, lovely?”

“Anything in my power, Astarion.” 

“Show me the Weave you love so much. Share it with me.”

He heard his lover's breath stutter, saw his eyes go wide. He could hear the way his heartbeat sped up, the tempting pulse at his neck. He could feel the trickle of anxiety, icy water dripping down the back. His answer was to kiss Gale, to lower his own mental barriers. 

They separated, the wizard giving a small gasp. He stepped away, giving Astarion a shy smile. 

“Weave magic is movement and sound. Watch what I do.” Astarion studied the movement Gale made with his hands, graceful, natural. Astarion repeated the action, nowhere near as graceful. 

“Now repeat after me.” If the movement was awkward, the words felt even more foreign to him, and yet he could feel the moment Gale let his own barriers down, their minds wrapping around each other. He could see the swirl of thoughts and fears, almost too fast to truly comprehend, but Astarion plunged into the heart, unafraid of what they might face.

They both gasped as the magic surged, wrapping them in a gentle warmth. He could feel Mystra, her presence a part of the Weave itself. 

‘I won't let you have him,’ he thought fiercely. ‘He is mine.’ 

Astarion took the Weave he felt and allowed it to move through him, never allowing the power to remain stagnant, and in that moment, he knew exactly his mistake when he tried to channel previously. 

That, however, could wait, tugging Gale towards him, the Weave still dancing around them.

“This better not have been an excuse to anger Mystra,” Gale warned, though they pressed closer together. Astarion imagined them walking through a forest as the leaves fell around them, their hands held tight. As their images kissed, he pulled the wizard close, their lips meeting. The looming danger didn't allow them to fully relax yet, but for now, they would have each other.

He could feel the spell falter, the magic receding back to where it came, and he gave it a small ‘good riddance,’ Gale's laughter  swallowed by his mouth. 

Laughter quickly became a moan as Astarion sucked a bruise on Gale's neck, running his teeth along his jugular. He pressed just a little; not enough to puncture the vein, but enough to cause a few drops to spill. He chased the drops with his tongue, and Gale shuddered. 

“No matter what happens, no matter what we face, even if we are pulled apart, I will find you,” Astarion promised. Gale gasped as he lifted him by the waist, and his wizard wrapped his legs around him. He carried him to the bed, managing to suck a few more bruises into that lovely neck.

Gently, he laid Gale on the bed, his fingers making quick work at the fastings of the robes, glad he didn't have to worry about armour. He grabbed Gale's hands when they wandered to his clothes, firmly pushing them onto the sheets. 

“Be a good boy and keep your hands down until I say you can move.”

“But…”

“Shhh, bunny. Let me feast on you as I want. I promise you pleasure.”

Gale didn't move, but he panted softly, eyes dilating as he watched Astarion stand. He clenched the blankets beneath him, but didn't move further. Astarion didn't need to pay too much attention as he worked at his own clothes, keeping his eyes on the wizard. His robes were open, displaying the man's chest, the Orb gently glowing. His cock strained, and after removing his own clothes, Astarion moved to tug both pants and smalls off, releasing Gale's length. 

“I can't get enough of you,” he murmured. “No matter how many times I fuck you, I need you.” Then he swallowed Gale down, glad he didn't need to breath as the man's prick filled his mouth.

“Ah!” Gale shouted, nearly bucking upwards, except Astarion held him down. “Fuck! Oh fuck, Astarion!”

His chuckle made more delicious moans spill from cherry lips, Gale's cheeks and chest becoming redder by the moment. He tapped Gale's stomach as he lazily bobbed his head, hand held out. A moment later, he felt his fingers become slick, pleased his wizard understood so quickly, though perhaps their bond helped there.

He followed a harder suck on his treat with a finger slipping inside the man beneath him. He was relatively sure the shout he earned wouldn't go unnoticed. 

“Astarion…! I ah can't …please…!” Gale panted. The press of fingers onto his prostate caused the wizard to arch his back, a deeper moan spilling from his lips, his body quivering.

“Come,” he commanded Gale through their bond, deepthroating the man and pressing deep inside.

 

With a high-pitched keen, the wizard spurted, and Astarion drank greedily.

“In me! Astarion!” Gale practically wailed, his hair tousled, his robes hanging from his elbows. “Please!”

The wizard was still shaking from his orgasm, but Astarion sat up, grabbing the man's legs, and plunging inside. The noises that slipped from those sinful lips was gutteral, soft ‘ahs’ making Astarion fuck into him a little harder than he originally planned. Each press in caused Gale to jolt from the shock of pleasure-pain. 

With just a small adjustment, and a smirk, Astarion moved harder, the bed loudly protesting his abuse as it hit the wall. He pulled Gale into each thrust in. 

Gale's mouth dropped open as he hit the precipice again, his voice cracking, shuddering as he coated his stomach and chest. Astarion hurtled over the edge seconds after, filling his lover with his spend, pleased as each squelching push in caused his come deeper inside, as well as coating Gale's ass and thighs.

As they both calmed, Astarion took Gale's hand, kissing the palm. He had the sudden urge to buy a ring, to see his favor on the man's finger, to show everyone this beautiful wizard was his alone. 

“Are we done?” He rasped, his voice a little hoarse, his lips curling into a smile.

Gale gave a smirk, and squeezed his inner muscles around the cock still inside him. “I thought we were just getting started?” 

Astarion laughed.

[lunabo17]

Shatter Into Pieces

Happiness

Gale and Astarion meet with a therapist for the first time.

!!!!!Warnings!!!!!!: anxiety, depression, catastrophizing, discussion of suicide

Despite the title, it is not happy.

Gale stared blankly as they drove home, waiting for calls from other providers to see him, one a specialist at medications, one to talk to about his thoughts. Jen wasn't sure who would call first or when, and she squeezed his hand before they left.

"Hang in there, okay?"

He had nodded, mostly mute.

When they finally got home, Astarion turned on the television to some comedy. Gale watched, but he didn't really pay attention, his mind still bouncing from one thought to another, listing every mistake he ever made, how he should have fixed his own problems, and the horrible things sure to come. His mother had gone to fetch his prescription, and Tara still hadn't returned. Surely she knew of his situation by now. Had he offended her so much she chose to leave him?

Astarion was softly talking on the phone, though he couldn't quite hear who was on the other line. Perhaps it was a different lawyer to finalize a divorce. Nobody wanted a broken man like him. He picked at some threads on his shirt, his eyes following the people on the screen, but uncertain of what was going on. He wanted to sleep, and at the same time walk. He couldn't decide.

"I'm home!" Tara called out, and he startled, nearly jumping out of the seat. "My goodness, Mr. Gale! Please forgive me!" She rarely used their first names, usually only their old last name to tell them apart instead of the hyphenated name.

"It's okay," he said.

"It most certainly is not. I could see I gave you quite a scare."

"Thank you for getting the papers, Tara," Astarion said, a stack in his hand.

"Papers?" He felt his stomach tighten, rolling, bile rising into his throat.

"Formal leave for Blackstaff."

He looked blankly at his husband. "I..."

"Jen's going to fill out part of it, unless we can see the doctors beforehand. That way you'll get a bit of a paycheck."

"I'm sorry..."

"What for, sweetheart?"

"For failing. For being a burden again. F-for messing everything up..."

Astarion sat down beside him, pulling him into his arms. He clung, shaking just a little, still pulling at the threads.

"I'll keep telling you how wonderful you are, my gorgeous wizard. I know you; you're a brilliant and caring man. You put in so much love into everything you do."

"Y-your job...I..."

"I talked with Leon and explained the situation. Even if Petras is a little shit, we are a team there. They can handle a few days without me."

"I...I don't want you to get in trouble because of me..."

"I know, we..." His next words were cut off when his phone rang. Gale flinched, then huddled into Astarion's side. "Hello? Yes, this is Astarion. Oh! That was fast!" He switched to speaker.

"I just got the message from Ms. Hallowleaf," said a cheerful voice. "I'm afraid I was in session, so I apologize. She told me your husband is in the middle of a crisis."

"Yes, he's right here. I have you on speaker."

"Wonderful! So I'm Dr. Hope Hearthflame. You can just call me 'Hope,' but if you're upset with the informality, just 'Dr. Hope.' I deal with the psychologist side of therapy, which usually people know as talk therapy. Have you seen a doctor before for this type of situation, Gale?"

"I...no..."

"That's all right. I know this is short notice, but will you be able to come in at 8 tonight? I save very late times for emergency situations."

"I....I..." He looked to Astarion, clinging to his shirt.

"I'll be there with you if you want, love. I want you to get help. Is it okay if we go tonight?"

"O-okay."

'Excellent! Just call if you end up having to change for any reason."

Gale leaned back against Astarion, even when his mother came to bring the meds. She had bought some food on the way, and he felt the pang of not being able to even provide something so simple as food for his own husband. He sat, once more, mute, the sounds of them talking washing over him, but not entirely listening. The medication helped take the edge off the panic, but didn't remove all the swirls of thoughts through his head. He sipped at some broth handed to him, unable to consider more than that. Even swallowing that felt a chore, as if someone placed a vise around his neck. His stomach felt full of rocks.

Despite knowing he should pull away and allow his husband some freedom, the hand on his back kept him in his place. He closed his eyes, thinking of how much of a failure he became. He remembered the stunned look Astarion gave him when he visited during one of his vacations, a month after the Orb lodged in his chest. The elf took time away, so close to graduation, to help him. Now his husband had to deal with this, too. How much could a person experience before they gave up and left? Why should he keep caring for a person like him, an adult that couldn't handle the bumps in the road, that simply wanted to stop everything?

He kept thinking of all the things he should say, should do, as time kept moving, until they had to go.

"Do you want me there, Gale?" Morena asked.

He simply stared, not sure how to answer at first. She gave his hand a squeeze, and he gave a small nod, before they made their way to the next appointment.

The lights were partially dimmed when they entered, and a young dwarf with red hair cheerfully greeted them.

"Welcome! Sorry, since we're technically closed, I turned off some of the front lights! Do you mind real quick looking over these forms and make sure all the information we have is right? I imagine Dr. Hallowleaf has everything squared away, but you know technology."

"It looks correct to me," Astarion answered after flipping through the pages.

"Great! Just sign here to confirm everything is right, Mr. Gale, and we can go back and talk."

He signed, and felt his hands shake a little. Dr. Hearthflame opened the door to let them inside. She didn't seem upset at Tara joining them, merely giving a small smile. The room she led them to had a wall dedicated to books, and Gale paused for a moment, noticing they seemed to contain various things on therapy. The lights gave a very soft glow, and there was the sound of water trickling from a miniature fountain.

"Please, make yourselves comfortable! May I ask the names of your other companions?"

"I'm Ms. Dekarios," Morena answered. "I'm Gale's mother."

"And my name is Tara. A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Ms. Hearthflame."

"Wonderful! I'm glad to see such support! So tell me a little what happened this morning, Gale. Dr. Hallowleaf said you were distressed."

"I..." Gale frowned, attempting to explain his exhaustion, how he felt. The words seemed stuck in his throat.

"It isn't easy to talk about it. Do you mind if I ask your loved ones for information, too?"

"Okay..."

"The informarion I got was Gale sent you a text, Astarion, and that kinda set the motion to be seen, correct?"

"Yes, after his job called to say he was missing. He sent me a text saying 'I can't do this anymore.'"

"What is it you can't do anymore, Gale? Take your time answering. We're not on a time limit this session, unless your loved ones need to be anywhere."

He sat up a little, holding tightly his hands in his lap, chewing on his lips. Astarion's hand was on his back, soothing, present. "Everything," he finally rasped. "It's...it's too much. I can't..."

He shook his head, and the doctor nodded. "You're feeling very overwhelmed, I can tell. I want to ask you something, and this is going to be a bit upsetting I'm sure. I know a bit about your work with Mystra, and there was a rather unfortunate accident."

Gale felt the spike in anxiety, rocking just a little. He should have known this failure would come up; he was once Mystra's Chosen, and the scandle hadn't been secret, but he hardly ever talked about the details.

"I...was a...told I...was a prodigy of magic. Mr. Elminster...taught me when I was young, and then...Mystra took notice. She...she wanted me to be happy with the power I had, and...and I wanted more. So I did research, and found this book, and then..." He shuddered, remembering the pain that had shot through his body, imagining it was like being struck by lightening. He still had the scars from the Orb, tendrils of dark red where once it glowed blue-purple. "I found old Netherese magic that..hurt me greatly. I was in the hospital for a week, and then..."

Silence. Nothing from Mystra, nothing to ease his pain.

"Astarion came back from studies, and we did some searching, looking for a way to contain the magic."

And they had, after a thorough search, after Elminster came to them after months of suffering to order him to find a crown in the Underdark. The old man never told them exactly what powered the staff that he gave him as a compass to find the pieces. Gale assumed it was from Mystra.

"Was Mystra ever your lover?"

"No," he said, colouring. "She offered, certainly..."

Once, when he was a teen, and once in his twenties, all before the Orb. Maybe it would have been tempting, had he been alone, but even when they were apart with their studies, his heart was cradled by his husband. Mystra had wondered at their connection, something she deemed strange, given she was a goddess, and Astarion a 'mere elf.' She was certainly beautiful, but there was coldness in her. She couldn't understand the romantic side of him, the blossoming love between him and Astarion, like a tree slowly growing and spreading it's branches. So many calls, so many hours spent merely talking about everything and anything...

He liked to think their souls woven together, and yet...

"I can't do anything right," he said, watching as the tears fell to the ground. "Everything I touch ends up broken. I'm broken. Nothing. A failure. A dissapointment."

"Did someone say that to you?"

"No...I just know it. I can't keep up..."

"Keep up with what?"

"I...I've had some research come up on...on some ancient artifacts with old magic, and my students..." He shook a little. His students...who would help them?

"Would you say something of these symptoms began when the research started, or were there signs before that? You went through a major shock with the Netherese magic, but didn't seek help then."

"We were fighting for his life," Astarion said, sounding a little irritated. "He was in a lot of pain. He still has some, too."

"I wanted forgiveness from Mystra...there was a task...so we did it..."

"Did she forgive you?"

"Somewhat." She took the Orb, but she didn't really talk to him again.

Astarion kept him focused, stayed with him. Then he proposed before his graduation. Then work. He worked, and then he worked more, and then there was more, more to do, more to learn, more classes, more research, and then he couldn't do it...

He realized he had said everything aloud, and his stomach clenched.

"You are an ambitious person, Gale," Hope said. "You love knowledge, and you seem to care very deeply for the children you teach. I think what's happened is you hit a limit. You've got so many plates spinning on little poles, but you can't keep a balance on all of them, so they all crash down."

"I broke them..."

"Nah, they're some of those heavy duty ones, make a lot of noise, but you can pick them up again. Sure, they can break, but you kinda need to hit them a few times."

He gave a startled laugh. "Really?"

"Oh yeah! Trust me! I use plates like that all the time. So I have to ask a serious question now. This research and teaching and all that...are you happy?"

His throat tightened. "I...I...."

"This is hard. You want to say 'yes' because your loved ones are here, and you think that's what they want to hear. You think others will think you weak for admitting anything else. But it really boils down to that simple question: are you happy?"

It took a few minutes, then quietly, he said, "no."

"Then we're just going to have to figure out what will lead you on that road, aren't we?"

[lunabo17]

Shatter Into Pieces

Not Alone

Astarion takes a distraught Gale to the doctors.

!!!WARNINGS!!!!!: depression, suicidal thoughts, spiraling thoughts, anxiety, disassociation, self-worth issues, negative self-talk.

I am working on the next chapter of Awakening. Since those chapters are longer, it's taking me longer to work on them. Things will get better.

Despite wanting to simply curl up in bed and not move, Astarion wanted to get Gale to the doctors or hospital. His husband gave his hand a squeeze before getting up and dialing numbers. Gale listened, still not feeling quite so present in his body, watching as his love paced restlessly.

He had done that. He glanced at their nightstand, noticing the time was moving, almost midday, yet even though his stomach churned, he didn't feel real pangs of hunger.

"...Is there a way to get a message to Dr.Hallowleaf faster? Yes, it is urgent. I can talk to her father, also...no, please! I...shit." Astarion gave his phone a glare before leaving a message for the nurse, jaw clenched.

Gale got up, wincing a little at the almost numb feeling in his lower extremities from sitting on the floor for quite a while without a cushion. Maybe they needed to replace the carpets.

His knees popped, and he felt a spike in anxiety as Astarion turned to look at him. "Where are you going? I..."

The phone rang again, and Astarion cursed again. "What...for fuck's sake. Don't you take that tone with me, Petras! You think I give a shit how much money this is? There's fucking more important things than that!"

He winced at the anger. Money...and Astarion's job. Surely he wasn't worth the effort right now...

"Yes, it's a real emergency, you fucktard! The doctor is calling, and I can't talk. Gale, wait!"

He wandered through the hallway, despite thd pins and needles he felt in his feet; moving downstairs like a ghost. He needed to make some lunch for Astarion.

"Thank the gods, Jen!"

"Astarion! The nurse said something urgent happened, and given you never say that, I thought I'd call."

Their friend was on speakerphone, but Gale didn't pause, as he pulled out various items for a sandwich. He absolutely needed to make it, to show he wasn't useless, and then Astarion could go back to work. His siblings were obviously mad at him.

It was all his fault.

He started to cry silently as he stared at the bread. He had tried to cut the slices too thin, and the pieces fell apart.

"I need to get Gale in as soon as possible. I think...I think he's in...in a bad place."

He heard the waver in Astarion's voice, and shook his head. He could do this. He could make it right.

Gently, Astarion took the knife from his hands, turning him away from the counter and into his arms. They tears didn't stop, wouldn't stop.

"Can you get here in about thirty minutes?"

"We'll be there."

Astarion pulled him back to the bedroom, and he didnt protest as he put on sweatpants and a t-shirt normally just used on his days off. His husband was sending text messages as Gale pulled on thd clothes.

"I could drive myself, and you could go back to work," Gale said, wringing his hands.

"No," Astarion said simply.

He sat silently in thd car, watching the world go by. Everything felt as if in a fog, and yet thd light seemed too bright. Was his husband angry that he had disrupted his work? Would he get in trouble?

Would Gale be in trouble? He hadn't called Blackstaff. He would probably lose his job, then Astarion would, and then they wouldn't be able to pay their bills, and then they would end up in the streets and lose everything, and then Astarion would leave him, and...

He closed his eyes, but he couldn't stop the thoughts, the pressure rising in his chest, squeezing like a vise. He thought of opening the door. His legs bounced.

Astarion held his hand tight as they entered the clinic. He focused on thd cool hands in his, wondered what others thought. His husband looked handsome, even after taking off his tie, his clothes only highlighting how well Astarion took care of his body.

And then there was him. Trash. He was nowhere near as fit as his husband, even if he often scurried around campus, and often attended the more advanced spellworks classes that involved quite a bit of movement. He hadn't trimmed his beard or combed his hair, his nose was stuffed, and his eyes were probably red, and...

"Mr. Ancunín-Dekarios? Will you please follow me?"

He glanced at Astarion.

"It's all right, Gale. I'm with you. You know Ms. Ironshield."

"Nettie's enough for me, sir. Can you step on the scale, Gale?"

Gale stepped on, noticing the drop in his weight. That was good, right? It wasn't as much as when he had the Netherese Orb in his chest and lost his position as Mystra's Chosen, but it was certainly close. He needed to lose the weight anyway.

He was so tired.

They entered a room, and the door clicking shut made him glance around, biting his lip. It sounded so final. Nettie began to ask him questions, and he softly answered. When she finally asked if he was suicidal, he truly began to cry again.

Then, Jen walked in. She had gone to school with Astarion. Dr. Arnell Hallowleaf was Astarion's doctor growing up. It came as no surprise when Jen decided to follow in his footsteps, though becoming a pharmacist like her mother was also an option.

She was beautiful, far better than him. Why hadn't Astarion fallen for her? Why him, when they hadn't been friends since childbirth, when he had been the outsider when he joined them in primary school, the shy child, who knew too much, that excelled at magic, the bookworm and 'geek.'

"Hey, it's going to be okay," Jen said softly. 'I know it's hard right now, but we're going to help you, okay?"

Gale shook his head. It wasn't worth the effort.

"Is it okay if I ask Astarion some questions, Gale?"

He nodded his head, leaning against his husband.

"Can you tell me a bit what happened?"

"I was at work when I got a call from Blackstaff asking about Gale," Astarion answered. "I sent him a text to check in, and...he...he said he couldn't do this anymore. Jen..."

"I see. I'm going to make some calls, try and get you into therapy. I'm going to prescribe some meds to help with the extreme distress until you can see a professional."

"I'm sorry..."

"It's all right, lovely. You're in a dark place right now, but we're going to get through this."

A knock came at the door, and a nurse poked her head in as Nettie took some of his vitals. "A Ms. Dekarios is here. Can I let her in?"

"Please," Astarion said, rubbing his back.

Gale's mother walked in, and he couldn't look up, didn't want to see the disappointment in her eyes. He closed his eyes.

"I came as quickly as I could." He felt his other hand taken into his mother's hand. "Thank you for seeing him so quickly, Jenny."

"Of course, Mrs. Dekarios. I'm going to make the calls, and send out thaf prescription. Sit tight for a few minutes."

"I'm sorry for failing again."

"You haven't failed, sweetheart. We're just on a bit of a bumpy road right now."

"Listen to your husband, Gale."

"But I got him in trouble!" He sat up, looking at his mother with blurry eyes.

"I'm not in trouble. Petras is just mad he had to do a bit of extra work. Everything will work out, I promise."

"See, my heart? It will work out. Just take things moment to moment."

Breath in...

Then breath out...

Shuddering...scared...

But not alone.