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Hatsune Miku ; Vocaloid ☆ Good Smile Company

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Visited my mom the other day to help her set up her new ukulele and maaan, everything's gotten old real fast. She's dropped the persecutory delusions about her workplace for the most part because of her new meds, but she hasn't stopped having persectory delusions. Every single time anything goes slightly less than ideal for her, she says she's being targeted. It's either my father or my aunt or another family member trying to fuck with her because they all secretly want to keep her locked up.

The company she ordered her ukulele from originally accidentally sent her a left-handed one, so she returned it and my dad ordered her a new one from a different company. Obviously the first company was targeting her. This new ukulele is 2-toned and has a cutout so you can reach the lower frets and it doesn't have a cute logo like the other one, so she HATES it. She accused my father of intentionally buying her an ugly one just to upset her. This ukulele also comes with 3 weeks of online courses with a professional tutor over Zoom, and she previously had a poor experience with Zoom outpatient so clearly my dad set this up to upset her.

The worst part is that it never ends. It's constant. As soon as she starts talking to you, it's a persectory delusion. I had to leave after an hour because it was so hard to put up with. I know deep in my heart that she's very ill, but it just reads as selfishness and a lack of gratitude and appreciation for everyone's time and care.

She's completely given up on the quilt we were making and refuses to learn how to use her new sewing machine (even though we moved heaven and earth to find the missing parts), she was complaining the entire time I was explaining how her ukulele works, and she refuses to stop being harshly critical of my dad in front of me even though I've told her it makes me EXTREMELY uncomfortable. I refuse to watch her cast my dad as an abuser for having boundaries and being human.

Obviously I'm not going to abandon her or stop visiting, especially for my father's sake, but man it's hard. It's so hard. I honestly miss when she wasn't ill because then I wouldn't feel like such a horrible person for being burnt out by her antics.

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target ceramic valentine's day house my beloved

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every instance of love from my newspaper’s community announcements (obituaries, memorials, births, birthdays, anniversaries, congratulations) - saturday, june 27 2020

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『ギジンデバイス』『黒猫』＆『白猫』1/7

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https://www.instagram.com/p/CGwBebsFJpG

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So pissed off by the stupid fucking cat licking me every 10 seconds and destroying my shit to get my attention that I bumped my head on the freezer door and that pissed me off even more. Considering suicide as an option.

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My friends and I have started doing live performance videos for local bands we like and it's really fun. We take a lot of crunchy video footage because we all have shitty cameras (except my bf, he has a great camera), I take an audio recording because I have the world's best field recorder, and we mash it up in davinci resolve and yell at each other until it looks acceptable. So far this has been pure aura farming with literally anyone I know irl that I've wanted to impress and it's been a really good way to become closer with my friends.

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Togepi -- Yoko Hishida

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Frogs and their lily pads 🪷

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This weird leather/latex gay BDSM blog dm'd me out of the blue and I don't know what he was expecting but I'm a little sad he blocked me 😔💔

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This is so stupid because it's like "duh, of course!" but practicing with a metronome has made my playing improve significantly. I've been mostly self-taught (sometimes my bf will give me tips idk) and I had been feeling like I was stagnating before getting it out and playing with it. I've really been sticking to learning adapted Vivaldi pieces, and it's difficult because it involves a lot of slur notes, but I feel like it's finally paying off. The piece I'm learning finally sounds musical and not just like a collection of notes strung together for no discernible reason.

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I miss my mom so bad. I saw her yesterday but it's so hard for me. It feels like all the time I spend there doesn't help either of my parents. I wish I could be there for my mom more meaningfully, but I just show up every week and try not to upset her.

She lost some add-ons and bobbins for her sewing machine and was convinced it went missing as a part of the conspiracy against her. She's so thin and frail and her skin drapes off her like old clothes that don't fit anymore. It's hard to watch her disassemble her house and put it back together and still not find what she's looking for. Anger makes her look smaller and weaker, and it eventually became too much for me to bear. I tried to help but I just got in the way. We gave up and drew pictures together. That part was nice, at least.