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luzsturniolo · 5 days

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actually obsessed omg

Comfort Zone

Matt Sturniolo x Reader

masterlist (series)

Preview: Y/n starts the new semester at school. She happens to have the same exact schedule as one guy, Matt Sturniolo. He's known to be a 'bad boy.' Constantly ditching, tattoos, and not giving most people the time of day....but will that apply to you?

WARNINGS: 18+, smut, alcohol, parental abuse/neglect, overall mature themes, and more. (This is made for all parts)

A/N: Reblogs, likes, comments, and interactions are all VERY appreciated!!!

Comment on my pinned post to be added to the taglist!!

Chapter 15: Remedies Of Honey

My brain was scattered. No thought was coherent enough to put into words as I laid deathly still in bed, technically, my own bed.

Ironically enough, it didn’t feel like my room. Even though Laura and Madi had helped me move in my things to the simple bedroom, it didn’t feel like it was mine. It felt like a hotel. Matt’s room was the scene that came in my mind as I thought of ‘my’ room.

Matt.

His name echoed in the walls of my head with utter confusion. He wasn’t a liar. The only time he had ever lied was to protect me. I watched him time and time again be the sweetest person to everyone around him, always supporting those he cared about.

I thought I was one of those people. Now, I wasn’t so sure.

With my dad, it wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t surprising either. He had never shown me that he cared. He had never tried to care.

Matt was different.

Matt clouded the air around me with a sickening sweetness that I had become accustomed to. The subtle lingering touches that he littered on my body constantly felt like a breath of relief. So natural and easy, yet something I had never even dreamed of having in my life.

Love scared me. I didn’t know anything about it. With Matt, I didn’t used to be scared, but with every rustle of the branches outside my window, time seemed to take its toll as my thoughts seeped in with unanswerable questions.

Why would he not tell me?

What else was he not telling me?

My phone screen had replayed the same video a multitude of times I zoned out. A message popping down from the top of my screen brought my attention back to reality.

[From Matt: Hey, everything okay? Nick told me you’ve sent him like 30 TikToks, why aren’t you asleep?]

My fingers stay frozen in place as I watch the notification disappear. Was this all just out of pity? Was this his escape?

Did he ever even want me?

[From Matt: I’m coming over to pick you up. Meet me outside in five?]

I huff at the message, pulling open the chat. My fingers hesitate over the electronic keyboard.

[To Matt: Why?]

[From Matt: Please. Nick and Madi were texting and he told me what happened. It’s not what you think.]

[To Matt: Okay]

I reluctantly pull the covers off of my body, stepping out to the cool air in the simple t-shirt and sweats. Both Matt’s.

Had I really let him consume every inch of me already?

I flatten the material of the wrinkled shirt while stepping out of the room. Quietly, I make my way down the stairs. I patter towards the front door, grasping my keychain tightly to prevent the metal jingling.

I pull the door open ajar, stopping at the squeal of the wind rushing through the void. My eyes peer through the crack, Matt’s flushed cheeks puffing with heaving breaths of air.

I squeeze through the door, shutting and locking it behind me as I listen to Matt’s breathless huffs. As I turn around, he reaches out a hand. My hands stay trained at my sides as I glance down at the open palm.

“Please,” he says with a pleading tone. “---I can explain. Please, just…just trust me.” he finishes.

Nodding slowly, I put my hand in his. His fingers clasp around almost instantaneously in a secure, gentle manner. “Where are we going?” I ask.

He shakes his head, pulling me behind his stride between the two houses and into his backyard. “Just…trust me, okay?” he says.

Squeezing my hand in his, our pace quickens down the dirt path. “Okay.” I say quietly.

The light posts fade into the distance from the street, leaving only moonlight. Step after step, the lake comes into view. The shining reflection of the night sky makes my eyes wander over the water.

Matt reaches over to the tree, grabbing the picnic blanket that had been slung between the oak branches. He drops my hand, flicking out the large square of fabric. The blanket lands, covering the section of grass with the blue checkered pattern of material.

He sits down on the blanket, pulling his knees up to his chest and crossing his arms over his knees. He looks up at me, the silver moon dancing in his irises. I melt under his gaze. My knees buckle as I land softly next to him. I mimic his position.

My eyes glance back towards the water, my head urging me to lean on to his shoulder. The tired ambiance of my brain lets my subconscious fall to action. I let my neck relax, my temple resting lightly on his shoulder.

A sigh of relief escapes my lips as I feel one of his hands wrap around, cradling my head. How could I not trust him?

The secret weighing down on me had felt so heavy alone in my bed, but it didn’t anymore. Not here with him. The doubts seeped through the cracks of my mind like water. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask.

His shoulder rises and falls with a hefty breath beneath my head. “I was going to. I really was, I just—I didn’t know how. I tried, I really did, I swear. But…” he trails off. I feel the comforting weight of his head fall gently on top of mine.

“But?” I urge.

“I didn’t know how and I could never find the right time. I was first gonna tell you after my hockey game. The one, well, the one where, you know…” he airy words seep through the breeze.

“Then,” he rubs the side of my head with his hand briefly. “--everything just kept going wrong. It hurt to see you crying every night, I couldn’t put more on your plate.” he says.

My heart softens at his words. He was doing it for me, not to me. His intentions were as pure as his soul. My muscles fall more relaxed against him with the comforting aura of his affirmation.

“I’m sorry. I should’ve–” I bring my head off his shoulder. His eyes gleam into mine with a somber gaze. I reach out my hand, caressing the underside of his cheek. I look between both of his eyes with a soft smile displayed on my face, watching the wrinkles relax between his eyebrows.

“It’s okay, Matt. I trust you. I understand.” The truth leaves my lips as I watch his teeth peek out from his curled lips. As we look into each other’s eyes, I find myself unable to take my eyes off of his.

I see his eyes travel down to my lips, darting quickly back up to my eyes. I lean into him, letting my eyes close. Anticipation floods my system as I feel his breath fan across my lips.

His hand comes up, wrapping around the back of my neck and gently pulling me towards him. Our lips meet with a soft kiss, the warmth of his mouth seeping onto mine. I feel the tip of his nose graze my cheek as he pours passion from his lips with each movement.

I put my hand onto his shoulder. My head tilts upward, chasing his lips with a soft and slow energy. He matches my rhythm, my stomach fluttering from the sensual lingering movements. My lungs begin to scream for air. I find myself unable to pull away, chasing the delicate beckoning of his lips calling my own.

A soft smack echoes through the withering wind. He leans his head down, his forehead resting against mine. Our breaths combine with breathless gasps of air. The lack of air makes my mind even hazier, intensifying the feeling from the intoxicating passion from his lips.

“I…I bought you a ticket to come with us to LA for spring–” he says. I let out a soft laugh, interrupting him.

“I know, Madi told me. You’re insane. I can’t believe you bought me a plane ticket.” I exclaim softly. His eyes look into mine through the short distance. I notice every detail that the moonlight highlights. The pale color of his blue eyes is like ice, but looking at the hue of color makes me feel nothing but warm.

He smiles at me. My cheeks ache from the extraneous use of the muscle, my lips still pulsating from the kiss. “I don’t wanna pressure you, I…I just want you to see what life could be like out there…with me.” he says.

He doesn’t want to leave me. He wants to leave with me.

I bite down on the soft flesh of the inside of my cheek, fighting back an award winning grin. My stomach swirls with excitement and a feeling of extreme care towards the soft man sitting in front of me.

“I’d love to.” I express. I see his lips curve downward, an upside down smile forming with resistance. He shakes his head with a light chuckle, the movement moving my own head in the slightest against his.

He looks back up at me through his eyelashes, a sight I immediately try to engrave in my memory. “I’d really love to.” I emphasize. He sucks his lips between his teeth before scrunching his nose with a smile.

“There’s no pressure though, okay? Even if you don’t come–” his smile falters at the thought. “--I’m still coming back to visit all the time. I want you to do whatever makes you happy, no matter what–I’ll visit you.” he finishes.

What makes me happy?

He makes me happy, Madi makes me happy, his family makes me happy, but what else?

“Hey,” he squeezes on my shoulder. I snapped my eyes back at him, realizing I had spaced out with the taunting thoughts. “--what are you pouting about?” he asks.

“I…” my mind wanders back and forth. He brings his hand up, caressing my hair behind my ear and bringing my attention back to his eyes. “I don’t know what I want to do, Matt. I’ve always been so worried about everything else…I just, I don’t know.” I sigh.

“I don’t even know my favorite things.” I mutter out with disappointment. The sinking weight clambers down on my chest as I feel the warmth of his forehead against mine dissipate. I lean back from him, my eyes trained on the blue checkered material between my hands resting on the blanket.

His fingers loop beneath my chin, pulling my head upwards. He looks in my eyes with a sparkle of moonlight reflecting in his pupils as they dilate. “You do.” he says. I shake my head reluctantly with a slight frown.

I go to object, my lips parting. “You do.” he repeats. I look up at him as my head tilts to the side, leaning with a huff. “Come on…you do, I know you do.” I give him a small tug of my lips, shrugging my shoulders.

He shakes his head, “You know so much. You do, I promise. I mean…you’re so…you. You love root beer, you love chocolate chip pancakes, hot chocolate, and the shortbread chocolate cookies–damn, you really do love chocolate.” he laughs.

He caresses his hand on the bottom of my jaw, biting his lower lip with a smile. “You also love coloring, old disney movies, club penguin, stuffed animals, and—how could I forget, McDonalds ice cream.” he says.

A smile pulls on my lips as I prod my tongue in the side of my mouth. Each piece of information spills into my brain as I curate the list in my imagination. He was right, but more than that—he was sweet.

Matt had always been very sweet. Honey and sugar envied him. Not even the sweetest candy could compare to the sickening sugar that coated his lips from his words. His soul oozed an aura of comforting sap, something that should make a person sick from indulging too much, but I couldn’t get enough of it.

To swim in his honey pool felt like a magical remedy healing every wound, even the scars so deep in my soul that I had forgotten they were there. I wasn't scared of getting hurt. The pond of his heart puddled in front my eyes, cushioning every cautious step into places my mind labeled as danger.

“I know you. I know you enough to know that you know yourself. Give yourself some credit.” he says. I soothe the fabric of the blanket under my fingers, the thin material allowing me to feel the pillowy grass beneath it.

“You seem to know a lot. I didn’t know you paid that much attention…I really appreciate it.” I express in a soft whisper.

“I could go on for hours.” he teases.

I squinted my eyes at him with a cock of my eyebrow, challenging him. “Really?” I question. He gives me a curt nod.

“Mhm. You say your favorite animal is a penguin, but it’s really a moose. You’ve always wanted a pet. Hmm…what else? Oh–you love gardening, you want your own greenhouse one day….” he trails off as I look at him with nothing but adoration.

His parted lips fall closed as his smile beams at me. “It’s hard to think when you’re looking at me like that.” he points out. I let out a soft laugh, shoving my shoulder into his playfully.

Balancing my weight on my palms, I lean forward, gently pressing my lips on his cheek. The skin flourishes with a red hue under the pale moon, the tint traveling up to his ears.

“You missed one thing.” I point out. He looks over at me swiftly. I pull up my hand, shifting the messy brown locks out of his face. My hand falls to his shoulder as he looks at me curiously.

“You are definitely on my list of favorites,” his smile grows with his teeth peeking out from his lips.

“Really?” he says. His eyes squint at me. I nod my head affirmatively.

“Mhm,” I lean, letting my head rest back onto his shoulder.

As I let my body relax into his body warmth, my mind eases completely into the moment. I feel his head resting on top of mine, the grass tickling my fingers from poking through the blanket, and the night breeze blowing with a soft wind.

“You are my favorite.” he whispers from above me. I hum, nuzzling my head further into his shoulder as the smile becomes bigger onto my face. The smile that had never even left.

As the night grew colder, Matt’s worry for me getting sick did too. I hadn’t wanted the moment to end, and it still hadn’t. Our bodies laid tangled together under his pillowy comforter, our body heat radiating with a perfect warmth.

My face presses against the bare skin of his chest, his tattooed arm thrown behind me and pulling me closer to him. He hums, hugging me tighter as I let out a soft giggle.

“What are you doing?” I ask. His playful eyes glance down at me with a soft smile.

“--’m just want you closer.” he mumbles. I pull myself up by placing a hand on his shoulder. I lay my head on the pillow, my face inches from his. I feel his arm underneath the pillow curl upward, his hand tangling in my hair.

“Like this?” I ask. He hums, leaning forward and nudging his nose on mine. The sigh escapes his lips, the warm air brushing along my cheeks. My eyes wander down to his lips, his tongue darting across deliciously, the moonlight seeping in reflecting on the now wet surface.

I feel myself leaning forward before I can stop myself. The taste of his minty lips hit mine, the cooling sensation of the leftover toothpaste being drowned out by the heat of our lips together. His tongue prods at my lower lip before slipping into my mouth.

The added aggression of his actions makes my stomach churn with desire, his hand latching tightly into my hair mindlessly with a gentle grip. A soft moan escapes my mouth. His fingers grab securely onto my waist, kneading the flesh with greed.

“Fuck,” he mutters against my lips. The word barely pauses his desperate movements for a second before he’s hungrily pouring his devotion, kisses being littered along my jaw and down my neck.

The lower his lips trail, the more my front mindlessly arches further into him. The wet saliva makes my skin form goosebumps with the cool air brushing against the damp spots.

As Matt’s lips arrive at the hem of his shirt on me, his eyes flicker up to me with a questioning look and a lust filled haze. “Can I take this off?” he asks. I nod, partially sitting up and throwing the shirt to the floor, leaving me in just my underwear.

The cold air barely touches my skin before Matt has his hands wrapped around me. He engulfs me in a hungry embrace, my skin tingling from his lips and tongue traveling on the top of my bare chest.

A rough shriek escapes my lips as I feel his teeth clamp down lightly on the skin of my breast, a suction from his mouth and the skin making the blood rush to my cheeks as my hands dart to his hair.

“Matt.” I whisper out breathlessly.

The single word escaping my lips results in his lips becoming more messy on my skin. His mouth envelopes around the peak of my breast, his teeth lightly grazing the bud of sensitivity. The sensation shoots straight down to my core as my hips move against his thigh mindlessly.

“Fuck, I’m sorry.” he lets out, pulling his lips away. “I don’t wanna rush things. I wanted tonight to just be sweet and—fuck, I can’t help it around you. I’m sorry, I–”

I don’t let him finish. The pulsing between my legs clouds my mind as carnal desires guide my movements. I push him to the bed, straddling over his bare stomach. I lean down, placing my lips back onto his. His hands immediately grab onto my hips, clenching the flesh in his hands.

Our lips part as I kiss down his neck. He swallows thickly as I kiss the flesh gently, letting my teeth graze the skin. A breathy exhale leaves his mouth as I let my hands wander down to his lower stomach as I scoot back on his lap. I let out a whimper at the bulge prodding between my legs, my hips stuttering over his dick beneath me, begging to feel more.

I resist the urge as I bring my lips off of his skin, bringing my head upwards as my hands trace his snail trail with the tips of my fingernails. I watch as he sucks in a breath, his eyes screwed shut as his head throws back into the pillow with parted lips.

I let my finger loop beneath his sweats teasingly. He grabs my wrist with one hand, the other cupping around the back of my neck. Our lips meet messily, his mouth parting with a breathless heaving as I let my touch teasingly linger over the waistline of his pants.

“Can I–” “Please.” he cuts off, not letting me finish.

The desperation in his voice fills me with confidence as I smirk, pressing my lips back to his chest that rises and falls with heavy breaths. I take my time, swirling in back and forth patterns with my hand on his lower stomach as it clenches and twists beneath me.

My movements are halted by him latching back onto my wrist. I look up, seeing his glazed eyes looking down at me. “Please, fuck–I need–yes, oh my god.” he breathes out as I cup over his bulge.

He moves his hips up, grinding into my hand as I palm him through his sweats. I watch as his head snaps back into the pillow, a quiet, broken grunt sounding in the night air.

I loop my hand in his sweats. His hips lift upward, allowing me to tug down the material. The sight of his imprint through the tight briefs makes my breath hitch in my throat.

My hand reaches out, palming him once more. The thinner material allows me to feel more of him. It allows him to feel more. I see his hand gripping the sheets with white knuckles, his other hand in his mouth as a muffled moan sounds.

I loop my hand around the waistband of the briefs, his hips lifting once more. I drag the material tantalizingly slow. I watch as he grows impatient, his hips squirming beneath me. He leans down, pulling it off completely and tossing both his articles of clothing to the side.

I let my hand reach out to his aching member. My actions are halted by his hand clasping around my wrist. I look up at him, seeing his reddened cheeks and his concerned eyes. “Are you sure? We don’t have to do anything.” he says.

I nod with an affirming smile. “I really want to make you feel good.” I whisper out. His eyes widen as I see him gulp. “Is that okay with you?” I ask.

He nods quickly, his hazy eyes clouding further with lust as he wets his lips with his tongue. “--want that so bad. But–we can stop whenever, okay?” he says.

I hum in response, letting my lips greedily wander down to his chest. I let my hand clutch more firmly around his hardened cock. A gruntled breath falls from his lips. “Fuck, so good, baby, so fucking good.” he hisses.

My confidence grows at the praise, letting my hand slowly tease his wet tip covered in precum. His hips rut upward as his hand curls in my hair with desperation.

Trailing my lips downward, I continue palming him. As I get eye level with his crotch, I let my eyes wander up to him. His eyes are trained on me with his bottom lip locked in the clutch of his teeth, turning white.

I look down, gathering spit in my mouth. I let my lips part, the salvia dripping onto his tip. I hear the muffled groan from him as I let my tongue taste him. The salty taste meets my mouth as I greedily lick him up and down, wetting every inch of him.

“Please, I need–please.” he begs. I hum, finally satisfied with the lubricant as I envelope my lips around his tip. He gathers my hair rushedly with his hands, holding it in his grip with his right hand as his left squeezes onto my shoulder. “Oh fuck.” he grunts out.

I bob my head slowly, taking more of him in with each movement. His hand leaves my shoulder, muffling the sounds as he bites into his clenched fists as I look up at him between my lashes. His jaw quivers as I pick up the pace, his hips chasing my mouth.

“Faster, please, please, please. I can’t—I need more—oh,” his jaw lifts as his head throws back in blissful pleasure.

I cover my teeth as I take more and more of him at a faster pace. I keep my tongue pressed along him firmly as his hand shakes in my hair. I reach back, holding his hand in my hair.

I pop my mouth off of him, a whine escaping his mouth. “Matt, you can hold my hair, baby.” I assure.

He mindlessly shakes his head from side to side. “--don’t wanna hurt you.” he mumbles. I reach up, caressing his cheek as he leans into my hand. He looks at me with a blissed out expression.

“You won’t. You never do, Matt. I’ll tap you twice if I need to, okay?” I suggest.

He nods as I make my way back down. His fingers clasp tighter in my hair, gently pulling at my scalp as my mouth sinks down on him once more.

I bring my head upward, bobbing his length in my mouth. His tip hits the back of my throat as I gag slightly, taking less of him and keeping the same pace.

The whimpers and moans muffled by his fists are barely audible. The quiet noises of my lips suctioning against him and his reactions quietly echoing through the room as I keep taking his length repeatedly.

As his grip becomes tighter, a slight burning sting in my scalp makes me whimper against him. “Fuck, sorry–so sorry, sweetheart. Doing so good, oh my god.” he mutters with a strained voice.

His grip loosens, his fingers gently massaging the area. The soothing sensation distracts me. I take him further into my mouth, relaxing my mouth as his tip ruts against the back of my throat. His stomach clenches, his thighs raising off the bed as his mouth gapes open.

“Oh my fucking god, oh fuck–baby, baby–so close,” he rants breathless in a small whisper. His eyes beam down at me as I look up at him. “You–fuck, you don’t have to. Fuck–if you don’t stop I’m gonna cum in your mouth, baby.” he warns.

I hum against him, keeping my pace. His hand gasps tighter in my hair, a slight sting that I ignore as his hips stutter in an uneven pace. A warm sensation spills down my throat as he rides out his orgasm, a loud whimper muffled by his hand.

His hips fall lifelessly onto the bed. I pull my lips off of him, coughing as I try to catch my breath. I feel Matt tapping me, looking over to see him pushing his water bottle into my hands. I take it from his hands, silencing my coughs with the cool water.

I push the bottle back into his hands. “Thank you.” I voice.

He nods with a soft smile tugging at his lips. He brings the water to his own lips, chugging a couple gulps before reaching over and placing it back on the nightstand.

He leans down, pulling his briefs back on. He reaches over the bed again, lifting up his shirt that I was wearing with raised eyebrows. I nod, taking the fabric and throwing it back over my head.

Matt lays back on his side, holding the blanket up for me as I crawl back into his arms. As I wrap my arm around his waist, I frown. “What’s wrong?” He asks.

I look up at him, holding up my pointer finger before scooting backward. I sit up, pulling the shirt back over my head and letting it fall back onto the floor.

Matt gives me a questioning look as I crawl back into his arms. I lay my cheek on the pillow next to him, his hand traveling and holding me by the waist. His arm lays under the pillow beneath my head, curling upward.

The action sends my face nuzzling into the crook beneath his chin. I sigh as I feel his bare skin on mine. “Are you okay?” I hear him ask in a hushed tone.

I pull away, nodding and pecking him on the lips. “Mhm, just wanted to feel closer to you,” I mumble with half-closed eyes. His chest rumbles with a light laugh as he tugs me in closer.

His fingers curl into my hair from behind. “--’m sorry if I hurt you.” he says. The slight sore sensation of my scalp is soothed by his light massaging fingers.

I sigh at the feeling. “You’re okay, Matt…that feels so good.” I hum out. His fingers continue the motions in my hair as my body relaxes into him.

“--’m so tired, but I really appreciated everything today.” I mumble out. His motions stutter, bringing my attention forward as I fight sleep. “--I trust you, I shouldn’t have been overthinking so much in the first place. Thank you.” I say.

He hums against me, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. “--’m course. I never wanna hurt you. You mean…you mean so much to me.” he confesses.

My heart swells at the sweet words falling from his lips. I nuzzle further into him, his hands tightening as he lightly grazes his chin on the top of my head. “Now, go to bed, sleepy girl.” he says.

I hum, letting my limbs fall languid. Our body heat radiating in a cocoon beneath the sheets lured my mind further from conscious thoughts as my eyes fluttered closed. The smile lingers gently, tugging on the edge of my lips.

As sleep consumes me, the curl of my lips stays, my subconscious keeping thoughts of him rolling through my mind like movie scenes. Dreams don’t even compare to this man—my man.

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luzsturniolo · 1 month

Text

although i am HEAVILY upset rn. i still go feral for this series 😁😁😁😁😁😁

Quiet 9

P1 P2 P3 P4 P5 P6 P7 P8

pairing: y/n and Matt sturniolo

summary: a girl with a lot of baggage and a boy with even more try to help put each others pieces back together one by one. A story about a girl who’s broken and a boy who doesn’t talk

warnings: none I don’t think? Maybe suggestive?

-----------------------------------------------------

I knocked softly on the front door before stepping back. I felt my stomach twist as I waited for Jake to answer the door.

His house was ridiculous. 5 cars in the driveway, with a huge garage. A garden displaying in the front and gates that wrap around the entire house. I looked down at my clothes and tugged my shorts uncomfortably.

I let out an uneasy breath. I felt uneasy about this whole thing. The way Jake acted in front of Matt today, biology in general. I'm not even good at biology, I just jumped at the opportunity at being friends.

I shuffled my feet, I've never felt more shitty about myself. Never felt like such a liar. That's what I was. Everything about me he's seen so far was fake.

I swallowed.

The door opened and Jake's eyes landed down on mine. I couldn't not glance down at his state. His hair pushed back, his chest bare, out of breath and sweaty. He smiled and I filcked my eyes up to his and my cheeks pinkened. He just watched me checkhim out.

"Hey" He crossed him arms over his chest as he looked down at me. I let out a breath his abs mocking me as I avoided looking. "Hey" I answered, my voice shaking.

"I just got done working out, I was afraid you weren't coming" He smiled tilting his head, his eyes grazing my figure just as I'd done to him. I crossed my arms over myself as I turned and looked around to pretend I didn't notice.

"Your home is......beautiful" I breathed as I looked around. He glanced around before nodding. "Thank you, my mom takes pride in it. It's annoyingly noticeable" He chuckled before stepping back in the threshold.

"Come in" He motioned me in. I stepped forward before walking in. Everything was clean, everything was white. I couldn't help the face I made as my eyes widened in my surroundings.

"You look like you've seen a ghost, come on" He chuckled, placing his hand on my arm and pulling me towards the stairs. I sighed as I looked around. It looked like one of those homes on a tv show. Like the relator tv shows titled "How to sell a multimillion dollar home"

I swallowed.

The furniture screamed at me "You don't belong here"

I looked up at Jake as we made our way up the steps. He sighed once we finally made it up the steps. Still, I glanced around like I was in a museum. He pushed the door at the end of the hall open and we walked in.

His bedroom was dark, like any typical teenage boy's room. Poster's that held jeresey hung next to his flatscreen tv. His bed covered in navy sheets and comforter and expensive colonges on a shelf next to the bed.

It didn’t look like Matt’s room. It didn’t feel like Matt’s room.

"Welcome to the estate" He chuckled as he opened one of his drawers and pulled out a t-shirt to put on. I looked over at him as his muscles flexed and the abs were hidden again behind the fabric.

Clean cut, muscle-y guys have never really been my type. Not that I have a type, but I'm just not overly attracted to it like most girls. I've know guys who mirror Jake's physique and have the personalities of the ping pong balls they like to throw into cups full of beer.

Disappointing really. Still, girls would fall to their knees at one flash of there lined stomachs. I never saw the appeal personally. Not that they ever wanted me to anyway.

"I look like Matt, I am your type"

I looked down blinking to stop the memory.

"Are you okay?" Jake walked over to me smiling. I looked back up and gave him a quick nod as I shook the memory of Chris’s words out of my head. He approached me and peered down at me until our bodies were almost pressed together. I didn't move.

His hand came against my waist.

"Good" He smiled looking down at me. I forced a smile hoping he couldn't see the nervousness that lied within my smile.

"Come here" He said moving past me and grabbing my arm. I let him pull me until he sat me down against his bed.

He reached over onto his desk pulling out a textbook and plopping it next to me.

"It's your job to make sure I don't fail this next test" He breathed before sitting down next to me. I looked over at him chuckling.

"I said I’d help, I never said how much help I would be" I said shaking my head. He just held my stare. "I trust you" He said before opening the book.

Jake stared down at the page and then looked up at me.

"What?" He shook his head raising his eyebrows. I blinked at him. "What do you mean, what?" I asked back. He looked back down at the page.

"The cells--" I pointed to the page. "They have to connect. That's how they survive. It wouldn't make sense otherwise. You can't but them together wrong--they would physically explode" I breathed pointing to the page. He stared down at it.

"....Right" He tapped his pencil. I sighed and fell against his pillows. "Are you even retaining any of this?" I chuckled as I looked down at him. He glanced up at me before he dropped his head chuckling.

"It's hard to focus"

"The topic's not hard"

"That’s not what I meant" He looked up. I blinked down at him holding his stare before he sighed and looked back down. I could have swore his eyes scaled down me before he did.

"You're smart" He breathed. I pursed my lips and looked down at him. "I'm not that smart" I shook my head, I truly wasn’t. He licked his lips and then looked back down at the paper before closing the book and pushing it away from him.

I just watched him.

"I think you're smarter than you think" He said looking at me. I glanced from him to the closed book against the bed. "What?" I swallowed. He sighed and looked to the side.

Silence came between us before he sat up slightly and turned his attention to me.

"I don't think i've ever had to try this hard to get a girl to want to kiss me"

My eyes widened at his statement.

"What?" My voice wobbled again. He tapped his pencil before discarding it.

"I apologize if I'm forward, but why do you think I invited you to my game--or out with my friends...or to help with biology" He breathed motioning to the discarded book. I smacked my lips as I looked towards the book.

"I thought you....needed help with biology" I felt my nerves come up my throat. He wanted to kiss me. A boy's never said that to me before. Or wanted to do that before. I forced myself to not hug my arms out of nervousness. Was it hot in here? I let out a breath.

"I did---I do." He shook his head looking down. He glanced up at me. "I just..." He glanced down my face.

"You're really fucking pretty, and nice." He said shaking his head. “I don’t know may nice girls” His hand came over my knee. I looked down at it. My face reddened at his sentence. He chuckled. He tilted his head.

“Nadia’s nice” I spoke. He sighed and looked down. “Nadia’s sleeping with Tyler, I don’t do sloppy seconds” He raised his eyebrows.

The choice of words, I felt in my gut. It sat with me the wrong way. I opened my mouth to speak.

"I can help but want to...feel your lips against mine." He said softly. I looked down at my lap and let out a nervous laugh.

"I don't think you want that Jake. Lacey--She seems to really like you. I wouldn't want--" I shook my head.

"Lacey's not—“ He shook his head. “Lacey doesn’t have your lips” he breathed his fingers coming and brushing over my mouth. I just looked up at him.

“Or your smile.” He whispered, his finger coming under my chin. I opened my mouth and then closed it. "Jake-" I breathed swallowing. He sighed and looked off, before dropping his hand.

“Okay sorry” He breathed. “I got carried away” He shook his head.

"Please, tell me more about the cells, I'm interested" He smiled before moving next to me and laying on the pillow next to mine. I just looked at him feeling the chills run up my body.

"They...um" I cleared my throat as he looked at me. Staring directly at me.

"They--" I took in a breath, and then his lips were on mine.

My eyes widened as he moved his lips against mine, before I closed them and leaned into the kiss. His hands found my waist before he rolled over on top of me, one hand on my waist, the other under my chin.

Oh my god, I was kissing a boy.

As our lips moved together, he moved his hand against my sides. He bit down on my bottom lip before he slipped his tonuge into my mouth. Weird fucking feeling.

Panic sprung throughout me.

I pulled back. Jake opened his eyes as he hovered over me. I stared up at him.

"Too fast?" He breathed, brushing hair out of my face. I attempted to catch my breath from the lack of air. I swallowed.

"No I--" I shook my head terrified to mess this up. "I just wasn't expecting any of this" I shook my head.

“Yeah? What’d you expect?” He smiled before his lips connected with the side of my face. I stared up at the ceiling.

He kissed right under my jaw.

"I thought we would--that we were--" his teeth sank down on my neck. "Friends" My voice cracked. He couldn't give me hickeys. He could not give me hickeys. I wouldn't be able to look Matt in the eyes.

Matt? Why the fuck was I worried about what Matt would think right now? The man with the three Porsche and a Jaguar parked in front of his house right now was biting your neck, and you're thinking about Matt.

Well, that and the butterly drawing. All of those books with the details in the spine. I fought back on my mind.

Y/n, fucking focus. It rebuttled.

"You thought we'd be friends?" He breathed against my ear. He pressed his lips right below my ear. "Does this feel like I wanna be friends?" He asked before pressing his lips against mine again, pushing his tounge back into my mouth.

His hand came under my knee as he gripped the back of my thigh as he kissed me harder. I attempted to match him.

This wasn't me. This wasn't me.

"Jake" I pulled from him. He looked down at me before dropping my leg. "What? Whats wrong? Is this not okay?” His hand came to the side of my face. I blinked up at him.

This was okay. A boy was kissing you, y/n. This was okay. I blinked up at him and for a split second I could have sworn his green eyes turned blue, Matt's blue.

"I've gotta go okay?" I whispered down at Matt who laid against the pillow next to mine. He might be asleep, I told myself. I couldn’t see his face. I didn't want to wake him.

He opened one of his blue eyes and peered up at me. He sighed before turning over, pulling the blanket over him, hiding his face from my view. It was almost 6, I had to go to Jake's.

"Don't miss me too much" I chuckled on the other side of him. He didn't react. I swallowed before I slid off his bed and turned off the tv.

"I'll meet you tomorrow, library. 7:30? Before school?" I asked softly as I grabbed his door handle. He didn't move, let alone respond to me. I stood there for a second before looking down at my feet.

"I'll see you tomorrow" I stated and then I left.

“It’s okay” I nodded. He smiled before he pressed his lips back down to mine. I smiled as I kissed him back, running my hands through his hair. He sighed against my mouth as he gripped my waist harder, running his fingers under my shirt.

His hand came back under my leg as he pressed our bodies together and his tongue explored my mouth, and I let it.

I could feel his eyes on me. I had my hood up and my head down. He wouldn’t stop looking. I glanced up at him finally. Matt met my eyes before he sighed and looked back down.

“What?” I asked staring at him. I was on edge enough, I didn’t need his staring too.

He let out a hard breath before he leaned over and tightened the strings to my hoodie to conceal my neck and tapped to his own neck. The same place where a mark laid on my own neck. As if to say:

Hide your hickeys better, I can see them.

My face turned red at my attempted to hide what I didn’t want Matt to see, but he already had. Embarrassing washed over me. I stared down at my page. Matt tapped his foot.

“It was my curling iron” I lied. He looked up at me, no emotion on his face. Nothing behind his eyes. He just looked back down at his notebook for a second before he closed it and stood up and walked away, not even glancing back.

I slumped back in my seat tightening my hoodie even further.

I went home after that. I didn't chase after him. I simply got up and walked out. I walked home, alone.

I didn't want to face Matt or Jake. Didn't want to look either of them in the eye. I shouldn't have went to school on the first place, so I went home.

I hunched over the mirror as I rubbed my neck, pressed a spoon to it, ice, everything in the book.

Everything just shined more red to my eyes the more I messed with it. Tears brimmed my eyes as I threw the spoon down and it hit the floor.

I couldn't get Matt's face out of my head. The way he looked at me, the way he stared at my neck. Knowing what it was. And I lied to him. And he knew I had.

I swallowed and hunched over the sink.

I reached up wiping the tears from my eyes before walking over to my bed and crawling under the sheets, pulling them under my chin.

I wondered if Matt was wondering where I was right now, if i went home, or if he didn't care—didn't notice my absence. I wondered what Jake was thinking. If he was waiting to talk to me. If it was a one time thing.

As each thought crossed my head, it made me feel more and more like an idiot. Sick to my stomach. Pathetic. I closed my eyes. I felt abandoned. I hated this.

Then a thought hit me and I stood up from my bed and I walked down my steps. A few seconds later I opened the door to see the white cat still perched on my porch. I sighed before bending down and picking it up.

"Hi Sparkle" I whispered as I held her up. She just looked down at me. "If I let you stay can you promise to never leave me?" I whispered. Blank stare. Kind of like Matt’s. I smiled at the kitty, before hugging it to my chest.

I walked up the stairs and to my bed. I crawled under the covers before Sparkle came over to the pillow next to mine, where Matt once sat and closed her eyes. I smiled running my hand behind her ears.

My smiled dropped. Sleep, I just needed....sleep.

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