lyssophobiaa

[lyssophobiaa]

Happy birthday to me!

[lyssophobiaa]

On two.

Piers is a soldier before he’s a man.

It’s not a philosophy. It’s a fact.

There’s the uniform. The routine. The grueling schedule carved into muscle and bone. The discipline he’s bled for. The silence he wears like armor. There’s a comfort in that. A clarity.

Everything outside the mission is noise.

So he keeps it clean. Efficient.

“Lieutenant Nivans.”

“Yes, sir.”

“No, sir.”

No wasted words. No attachments.

Because attachments mean exposure, and exposure means weakness, and Piers doesn’t do weakness.

He doesn’t do after-hours drinks. Doesn’t linger in locker rooms or tease over comms. His team calls him a robot, not unkindly—just resigned. Like they’ve accepted that he came off the assembly line that way.

And maybe that’s why, barely a year on Alpha Team, he’s made lieutenant. There’s no smile when Redfield tells him. Just a crisp salute and a quiet “Thank you, sir,” before he ghosts again—like he was never there. Like he only exists in the spaces where he’s needed.

He prides himself on it. The distance. The control.

It’s gotten him this far.

And it keeps him safe.

From everything.

Everyone.

Especially Chris Redfield.

Especially the way Redfield watches him sometimes—like he’s trying to decode him. Like if he stares hard enough, something buried might blink back.

So Piers holds the line.

Sharp. Silent. Professional.

Always.

⸻

Until Vermont.

Until a half-rotted catwalk gives out mid-clearance and drops him two stories down onto fractured concrete with a metallic snap and a full-body jolt.

Pain punches through him, white and electric. His leg’s fucked—something jagged driven straight through the meat of his thigh—and his shoulder’s out of place, hanging at a crooked angle.

He hisses through his teeth but doesn’t scream. Doesn’t call out.

He just moves.

Pulls himself upright, breath shallow, already planning how to reset the joint and limp back to position.

Because soldiers endure.

Soldiers don’t break.

Then Chris is there—appearing through dust and ruin like a goddamn myth. Crouched in front of him, eyes scanning fast.

“Jesus, Nivans,” he mutters, breath catching. “You’re supposed to radio when you’re hit.”

“I’m fine,” Piers says, voice level. Controlled. “Reset the shoulder. I’ll rejoin.”

Chris strips his glove off and presses it into Piers’ mouth. “Bite down. On three.”

Piers nods. Braces.

“One—”

And Chris pulls on two.

The pain is blinding. A flashbang of sensation that sets his nerves on fire. Piers jerks violently, a raw, unfiltered sound catching in his throat. The glove drops from his mouth, useless.

“Fucking—hell, Chris,” he gasps, voice ragged and real, “That was two.”

And that’s it.

That’s the moment.

Right there.

Because he said his name.

Not sir. Not Captain.

Just Chris.

And it felt like breathing for the first time.

Piers goes still, realization hitting like a sucker punch.

Oh.

Oh.

He’s not just following orders anymore.

He’s feeling something.

Something sharp and warm and wild and god, dangerous.

Chris is staring at him. Something glinting in his eyes—surprise, yes, but also something softer, something just shy of a smile.

“Well,” Chris says, low and amused and so fucking fond, “Nice to meet you too, Piers.”

Piers blinks. Like the name didn’t quite register. Like he’s still catching up.

Then he snaps back into place, his voice flat out of instinct. “Apologies, sir. That was—unprofessional.”

Chris’s eyebrows shoot up like Piers just tried to apologize for being born.

“You’ve got rebar through your leg and a dislocated shoulder, and you’re worried about etiquette?”

Piers doesn’t respond. Doesn’t know how. His heart’s hammering too loud for him to trust his voice. He thinks if he opens his mouth again, he might say something true.

Chris leans in a little. Not enough to close the distance—just enough to feel dangerous.

“Come on, Piers,” he says again, softly, like the name’s something he wants to get used to saying. “You’re not walking out of here on your own. Let’s get you to evac.”

Piers hesitates. Just for a breath. Just long enough to feel it.

That shift.

That tilt in the world.

Then he takes Chris’s hand. Lets himself lean in.

Lets himself want.

And somewhere between the wreckage and the waiting helicopter, he says it.

Quiet. Intentional. Maybe a little stunned.

“…Thanks, Chris.”

[lyssophobiaa]

Man I have got to rewrite my Piers shit I just got secondhand embarrassment from my own old posts wtaf

[lyssophobiaa]

piers x chris? piers x jake?? nah. piers x ME.

[lyssophobiaa]

Pookie

[lyssophobiaa]

mmmmm i just think that every time chris questions whether he’s doing the right thing he thinks of piers and his unwavering faith, that trusted chris’s instincts, that died with the intent that the world would be okay so long as chris was in it

[lyssophobiaa]

I’m not taking sides, and I’m not here to argue. I’ve seen everything going around, and I just want to say, this kind of public call-out post? It’s really not the way.

I understand why people are upset. Truly. Lying about something as serious as a diagnosis is harmful, and that harm doesn’t just disappear because time has passed. People are allowed to feel hurt. But dragging it into a public post on Tumblr isn’t helping anyone heal. It’s not accountability.

If the goal here is clarity, or honesty, or growth, this isn’t how you get there. No one learns from being put on blast in a space designed for reblogs and outrage. People get defensive. People shut down. And suddenly it’s not about the issue anymore, it’s about who’s “right” and who gets blocked.

Tumblr is a platform that thrives on discourse for the sake of drama. And I really don’t think something this personal and layered belongs in that format. It deserves a real conversation. Not a thread. Not a “read more.”

You’re allowed to be hurt. You’re allowed to step back. You don’t have to make peace with anyone. But if the goal was ever to actually encourage growth or reflection… this isn’t the space for that.

If you actually want someone to grow, you don’t start by trying to humiliate them.

You talk to them. Or you don’t. Call-out posts don’t make people grow. They don’t create safety. They create drama. Performance. Sides. And this platform eats that up. If you’re actually trying to move forward, this ain’t it. If you’re still mad, cool, set a boundary. Block. Mute. Leave it.

So how about we all log off for the night and drink some fucking water or something 😭

@/Rottedcreatures callout

Hey so I’m sure you guys have seen this person before (they’ve gone by Trojan, Thorn, Rotted and Blade) a helluva lotta times already but the DID/OSDD discourse has resurfaced once again, as it tends to do every couple of months.

I recently joined (and was kicked) from a server that had this user in it and here’s what I managed to get from it.

Blade has publicly identified as a diagnosed system for multiple years now. They’ve consistently spoken over actual systems, used systemhood to justify erratic + abusive behavior, and deflected criticism with “I’m a system so it’s not my fault” rhetoric.

Last week, they admitted they’ve never even been assessed. No testing. No formal process. No diagnosis. Just vibes. Just “I feel like I identify as a fictional character so that’s DID”

Now this would be one thing if they were honest about that from the start. But they weren’t. If for the past 3 years they had been honest about not being diagnosed and exploring the possibility of being plural, that would have been fine. They didn’t do that though.

❗ Why This Matters:

Lying about having DID/OSDD when you’ve never even been evaluated is beyond just “personal identity.” It’s manipulative, it’s misleading, and it delegitimizes people who actually live with these conditions.

This isn’t about “gatekeeping,” it’s about accountability. DID/OSDD is not a disorder you can self diagnose, let me be clear about that. Suspected Plurality has never been people’s issue with Blade, it has been them outright claiming they are a system with no diagnosis and admittedly, not even an assessment.

You don’t get to use a disorder label like armor for YEARS and then go, “Haha oops I never actually got checked lol” and expect people to be okay with it.

If you’re going to claim a mental illness, especially one as complex and stigmatized as DID or OSDD, you need to be honest. Full stop.

This is not “calling someone out for being mentally ill.” This is calling someone out for lying about being mentally ill. And that distinction matters.

[lyssophobiaa]

Bestie drew me an OC!! @/ohwsiehs

[lyssophobiaa]

don’t nobody give a fuck about that tape 😭 we (yes WE) was lookin at ass and thigh, let’s not lie on the dash

top 10 gayest marble hornets moments was the bit where tim was bent over behind his couch and jay zoomed in on his thighs so he could see the imprint of a tape in tim's pocket

(edit: everyone in the reblogs saying they didn't even notice the tape Really just adds to my point that this was UNNECESSARILY gay)

[lyssophobiaa]

real for this. being black w/ aspd on this app feels like getting dropped into hot topic purgatory with 300 dylan klebold kins. 90% of the tag is 14 yr old white kids with joker icons and usernames like “voidgunner.” i’m gonna lose it.

please tell me theres other black people with aspd on tumblr im tired of seeing crackers with school shooter themed accounts in the tags please get me out of this hell im begging youuuuu

and before you give me some bullshit reason as to why you have that as ur icon , i dont care. i dont give a shit what the reason you decided to use , it gives me the same vibe as those racist niggas who have confederate flags on their trucks , instant indicator get fucked

[lyssophobiaa]

Alex seen the Operator and said ‘I’on duck smoke.’ 💯

Bro had a Major in Film and a Minor in Felony Assault

[lyssophobiaa]

Emergency commissions

Doing avatars/pfps/icons whatever you call them

20 dollars

Undertale

DC comics

Sanders Sides

Supernatural

9-1-1

Accepting money through Zelle and PayPal, dm me for the usernames.

Examples:

[lyssophobiaa]

Comm of my OC Colby (Who I have just realised I’ve never posted here..) from @rottedcreatures !! <3

[lyssophobiaa]

IM EATING THISSS

WAIT WAITTT MOONJO X MASKY TOO I AM CRINGE BUT I AM FREE

COLBY YOUR MINDDD I love it

-Moonjo is fascinated by Ammon’s volatility — the instability, the raw violence, the hidden trauma. It's not pity; it's curiosity.

-When they "work" together, it’s almost clinical. Ammon is brutal and impulsive; Moonjo is deliberate, methodical. It’s a weirdly effective dynamic.

-It’s a constant, shifting balance. Moonjo tries to study and control, Ammon resists or explodes. Moonjo never punishes, just waits. And sometimes, Ammon lets him win, not out of submission — but curiosity. What happens when he gives up control?

-Ammon has nightmares. Moonjo once woke him up to just ask; “Who is Alex?”

-One thing about them is ‘love’ is not a word in their vocabulary. They don’t say it. Moonjo simply says “You are my most fascinating artwork yet” and Ammon grunts and shifts a little closer. Sometimes he’ll say, “That so, Van Gogh?”

-Moonjo loves watching the difference between Ammon and Tim, he calls them “day and night”.

-Sometimes he feeds his presence — triggering the switch just to see it happen. Ammon hates how easily Moonjo can draw him out.

-Ammon is suspicious of everyone. He tracks exits. He watches hands. But with Moonjo? He relaxes his guard just slightly. Not because he feels safe — but because he knows if Moonjo wanted him dead, they’d have killed each other by now.

-Moonjo has this unnerving ability to soothe Ammon, not with kindness, but through eerie consistency.

-He always speaks in the same tone. His movements are exact. For a brain that’s constantly glitching, Moonjo’s predictability is strangely comforting.

-Moonjo prepares small, carefully arranged meals and offers them like a peace treaty. Ammon often refuses the first few bites, but eventually caves and now, it’s a kind of ritual. Moonjo feeds the beast so it won’t destroy the house.

-He keeps a thick notebook full of observations; Ammon’s triggers, coping mechanisms, episodes, sleep patterns. Ammon knows, even read it once.

-He destroyed part of it, then asked Moonjo why he wrote “Subject 27-A” next to his name. Moonjo just smiled and said, “Because you’re special.”

-Ammon probably gets jealous. If Moonjo even looks too long at someone else (whether out of curiosity or predatory intent), Ammon grows twitchy.

-Moonjo thinks it’s cute, like a rabid dog growling from a corner. Sometimes he provokes it on purpose, just to watch.

-They don’t go on dates. They stalk people together, following someone for hours. Moonjo analyzing their routines, watching them, appearing just to get under their skin, and Ammon noting how easily they could be taken. Sometimes they act. Sometimes they don’t.

-Ammon 100% brings Moonjo living people as a gift, like a fucked up little show of affection, he’ll lead him somewhere discreet, abandoned; Just to show him some poor soul tied to a chair. All he says is “Knock yer’self out, darlin’.”

THIS WAS A HARD ONE BUT I HOPE YOU ENJOY!!!

[lyssophobiaa]

IM VIBRATING IM CHEWING THE BARS OF MY CAGE RELEASE MEEEE

Yes I’m requesting here idc sammmmm I fw your Alex portrayal can you do Masky x Alex too.. love you my GOAT 💯

Thank you Colby,,, I try to post more but I’m. Shy

I’ll be referring to Masky as Ammon like you do! (I hope that’s okay..)

-Alex frequently falls asleep with his glasses on, Ammon has mastered gently plucking them off of his face without Alex waking up swinging.

-Ammon 100% listens to country music. Alex initially hates it but gets caught singing along to them very quietly; but he still denies that they’re growing on him.

-Alex is a pyromaniac, he sets everything on fire from pieces of paper to buildings, Ammon is no better. They set a building on fire together and call it a date. It’s romantic to them, okay?

-Alex is fluent in Ammons grunts and growls, he knows which one means what.

-Late night drives? Hell yeah. Alex hogs the drivers seat, Ammon gets revenge by playing country music. Long backroads will probably be where they spend their honeymoon.

-Alex loosens up when he drinks, specifically when he drinks rum, Ammon takes the chance to convince him to do dumb shit and then uses it as a humiliation tactic later on.

-They fight, sometimes it gets psychical— Ammon stops to wipe the blood off of Alex’s face. Alex laughs and they get over it.

-Ammon frequently throws Alex over his shoulder.

-Alex sits Ammon through corny movies that he calls ‘cinema’, Ammon tells him they’re shit but he watches them with him anyway.

-Alex likes to go to the theatre; Ammon doesn’t react well to loud noises. He punches the guy next to him. They learn to sit in isolated seats.

-Ammon brings Alex random bones. Some human, some animal. It’s his way of showing affection. Alex calls it disgusting but keeps them anyway.

[lyssophobiaa]

Hello can I have some Tim and Alex hcs?

Hello!! Of course you can!!

-Alex absolutely despises the way Tim makes coffee, his coffee is a black void of enough caffeine to keep you awake for a week, Alex says it’s way too bitter; Tim just rolls his eyes and says “I don’t drink it because it tastes good, I drink it because it’s caffeine.”

-Alex is always spotting random things to record or take pictures of, like a streetlight or a tree, sometimes he’ll randomly direct Tim to stand in a certain place so he can take a picture, Tim sighs but does it anyway.

-Tim hates his picture taken, Alex loves taking pictures, but he also hates taking his own picture, every now and then as a bit of revenge Tim will say “Stand over there for a second” so he can take a picture of Alex. Dose of his own medicine.

-Neither Alex nor Tim cook, they both just eat takeout or microwavable meals.

-While Tim relies on coffee for his dose of caffeine and nights awake, Alex relies on energy drinks.

-Alex’s space is a total mess, a cluttered mess of boxes, and crumpled up pages, but he can still navigate it, it’s his mess and he knows where everything is.

-Tim thinks everywhere he stays is a train wreck, and has learnt to identify where Alex has and hasn’t been because of the mess he typically leaves behind; “Yep, this place looks like someone drove a truck through it, Alex has definitely been here.”

-Alex likes polar bears, Tim likes grizzly bears.

-They both smoke, but Tim smokes significantly more. They both drink, but Alex drinks significantly more.

-Alex and Tim both have some sort of hyper-independence complex. They won’t accept help from other people, or even ask. But they both notice it from each other, and both help each other anyway in very subtle ways.

[lyssophobiaa]

HEYY GUYS THIS IS ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS!! Please go follow him & check out his music and projects!!

Gavin Parished x $alem - The Beats Inside My Head

So, here it is! My second project all together is also a first in a way, my first collaboration project. For context, this is an updated cover for DSPs, it has all the original pieces but since then we've both had name changes. I was going by Gavin Burtscher at the time, yes simply my legal name. I decided to change it to Gavin Parished a while later, because I don't want to know what it'd be like being a white-passing person named Burtscher trying to be an underground rapper. However, at this time it was even worse. My name was GBX, thank God I didn't keep that one. It was taken actually which is what motivated me to switch. $alem is a great name for that style of production honestly but at the time she was going by 2can. I honestly don't remember why she changed it but I prefer the newer name as well.

So, how did this record come about? If I remember corerctly, this album came out in 2018 so my memory is a bit foggy on it, $alem messaged me because she liked the songs I had out at the time. All I had released by then was a now lost single titled Sometimes and my first album, The Beats Inside My Head. After a lot of talking about how we'd do this we decided, after creating 2 of the 3 collab tracks, to just take our own songs and mix them in. So the project would become a rule of 3: 3 of her songs, 3 of mine and 3 collaboration songs. We both thought it seemed like a cool project so she attached 3 of her previously released songs, one of the most recent at the time, and I attached 2 I had made during the summer with Don't Go serving as the album outro. During the summer the two songs I made for this were Lost In Space and Unknown Temptation (along with my own single "i hate me, and you should too" which I'll get back to later).

Lost In Space was a very large song. I spent weeks on it. It was inspired by my electronic and dubstep roots in the music creation field along with the trap music I was currently into. It's the most complex song on the album, switching up every few bars so the beat is always unique sounding.

Unknown Temptation was my tribute to XXXTENTACION, as it had been finished a few weeks after he had passed away. It was finished before Lost In Space but came out after, I saved it to release with the album. This is the more "me" sounding song of my songs on the project. The weird synths, hard hitting drums, freaky loops. This is the DNA I kept as I grew. I made this song as a tribute to him because he inspired me a lot as an artist, despite all the rotten things he did as a person. I remember when he passed away, I was sitting in my room on vacation in Austria, visiting my family with my dad. His and Chester Bennington's deaths were, at the time, the only celebrity deaths that really effected me and honestly? Without X, there wouldn't be the same Gp standing here today. But you'll hear a lot more of that in my next album.

Before I get to Ruby's contributions I want to add that currently only our collab songs and my singles are up on DSPs, but this post inspired me to message her about getting her songs up and making it a whole again. However, if you'd like to hear it in it's original form, you can listen to the whole thing on SoundCloud, with links to both our profiles, below.

So, as far as her contributions go. The intro track, 10 kills g, was new at the time and I knew it had to be the intro. It got a rerelease and slight edit as the album dropped. Cocaine and Xaxax were her already released editions. We decided on those 2 after just talking about what the album is and what I'm doing creatively. They fit so we went with them. There's sadly not much more to tell here.

But now we have it, the 3 collaboration tracks. How'd they happen? Well, we made coffin first, which samples some Lil Peep interview clips. After making that beat around it we decided to go with that concept for all the tracks and sample artists we're inspired by. Ruby chose the artists and I did a lot of the lifting on the producion side. She was the lead on the first listed collaboration, Let Me Elevate Your Mind. She picked out the song and the voice clips while I did minimal editing. However, I did my best to work with what we had for graveyard robbers with the BONE$ and $UICIDEBOY$ clips. It fits her sound a lot more and honestly you can tell we were both amatuers at the time but that's part of the charm of these old projects, right? It was fun putting these together and eventually this lead to something a lot bigger that I'll get to down the road. You can listen to these tracks, as well as my 3, on Spotify. Here's the link to the 3 collaboration tracks.

So, the album is done! 10 kills g, Unknown Temptation, Let Me Elevate Your Mind and graveyard robbers were here, fresh to the public. And people liked it. It was nice. Honestly it was the last time for a long time that people in my life actually liked my music which felt great. Another album done, on to the next. During the creation of this record I was creating my debut hiphop mixtape, this time with vocals! This tape inspired how I went about producing a lot on there and my history wouldn't be the same without this cool project. Thank you to Ruby for reaching out for me and making The Wandering Minds happen. Sadly she doesn't produce much anymore but hey, maybe I can get her out and about again to do a lil sequel to this. I'll leave with this, show her SoundCloud some love! She's a really nice person and deserves it all.