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m3kuroshirt · 1 year
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Ichigo: I just watched Mr. Urahara, a grown-ass man, say, "Oh this will be very efficient," and spray febreze right at the ceiling fan, and have it blow back directly in his face.
Grimmjow: Yeah, he did that yesterday too.
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m3kuroshirt · 1 year
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Ichigo: There are few things worse than when I hear someone use lengthy words and then completely misuse them.
Grimmjow: I photosynthesize with this.
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m3kuroshirt · 1 year
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Grimmjow: I'm only mean to people who deserve it.
Ichigo:
Grimmjow: I'm like a vigilant bitch
Ichigo:
Grimmjow: A Bitchilante if you will.
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m3kuroshirt · 1 year
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Grimmjow: I'm not the same person I was an hour ago.
Ichigo: He's now slightly worse.
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m3kuroshirt · 1 year
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Grimmjow: Standing next to sunflowers makes me feel weak like "look at this fucking flower. This damned thing is two feet taller than I am." Fucking flower is winning and I am losing.
Ichigo: Wow, you are so not ready to hear about trees.
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m3kuroshirt · 1 year
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How the Grimmjow Stole Christmas
 Words: 2164
Warnings: language, suggestive themes, slight angst
Notes: This is a Christmas gift-fic for the wonderful @m34gs and @suknas!
“Come on Ichi-nii, you need to come with us to Mr. Urahara’s,” Yuzu’s plea rang out from the other side of the door. All Ichigo could do was sigh, disappointed in the situation, but mostly himself.
“Sorry Yuzu, but I need to take a pass. Need to get ahead on next semester—”
“Bullshit, Ichigo!” That was Karin, in all her fiery glory, yelling from the other side, probably squished right next to Yuzu and up on her toes. Quietly, in tones hushed and words unintelligible from the other side of the door, Ichigo heard Yuzu say something to her twin.
“Fine. Whatever,” Karin said, this time tone curt and sharp. “Have fun spending Christmas Eve by yourself then.”
Ichigo could say with certainty, he definitely would not, but that was on a need-to-know basis, and his sisters, who he loved dearly and with all of his current Grinch-sized heart, didn’t. He would mope tonight, feelings awash and weird for no discernible reason—or at least, not one he cared to put a name (or face) to—and be back to mostly normal tomorrow.
Kon screeched something about going in his place, sweeping out the door, slamming it shut behind, and that was that. Footsteps walked—or stomped, in Karin’s case—away. Good enough for now, though he’d feel bad for making them mad later. He had to get over getting mad at himself first.
Sure, Urahara’s would be lively and probably fun, but, knowing him, it would also be a big schmoozing event, and Ichigo wasn’t in the mood for that. And the war. If Ichigo had to hear one more thing about the war that they’d won, he’d lose his goddamned mind.
The past two years had been brutal, and he was still…recovering. That’s what he called it, anyway. Giving distance to some places—Kiskue Urahara’s on the very top of the ‘places to avoid’ list, circled, starred, and highlighted. Some wounds still too fresh in his mind.
Sure, Urahara was a certified genius, but Ichigo got tried of being the pawn in everyone’s game. Was it so bad to want something low-stakes for once? Maybe a fight could just be a fight. Just like he wanted.
But whatever.
Besides, it wasn’t like he’d be there anyway. He and a certain blue-haired arrancar hadn’t spoken often after the end of the war—Ichigo made sure to go by the shop twice a week while he was unconscious, body healing from the poison that Quincy had given him.
And then one day Grimmjow just…wasn’t there.
Urahara said he’d woke up, opened a garganta, and fucked right off to Hueco Mundo. Well, not those exact words. But that’s what the ache in his chest told him.
Bastard.
Now Ichigo was lucky he saw him once or twice a month.
Nel was around far more than Grimmjow ever was, and while Ichigo viewed her more and more as a little sister, he couldn’t say that when the sounding boom of a garganta opening happened, he was always a little disappointed it was just Nel.
She’d for sure be at whatever party Urahara threw. And as much as he loved her, she could be a lot.
Same with his friends, both human and soul reapers.
If Renji decided to knock on his door and drag him to the shit show of a party it would turn out to be, he’d fake…Ichigo wasn’t sure…explosive diarrhea or something and run to the bathroom. Between him knowing how to do surprisingly realistic armpit fart noises, and Renji’s relative cluelessness regarding…many things, as far as the human world went, Ichigo could get him to leave.
Rukia would be another story.
He’d probably actually need to shit and do something he’d regret almost immediately to get her to leave, and honestly, that was still iffy.
Grabbing his laptop, he plopped back down on his bed and searched for a movie. He guessed a Christmas one would do, he shouldn’t be a total trash bag about things. So he typed in the world “Grinch”, searching through the options, and settled on the original, since it was about as short as his patience at the moment.
Hitting the play button, soft music started in the background as Ichigo tried to get himself comfortable, wrapping his duvet around him like he was a cold snowman in need of a nice spring thaw. Sighing as the opening was narrated, Ichigo closed his eyes, lids heavy.
 ............
When he opened them again, his laptop was dark—I must’ve fallen asleep—and there was a warmth spread across his chest.
And legs.
Everywhere, really. And it was heavy.
And vaguely body shaped, Ichigo thought, blood turning to ice. Did someone break into his house? Did he have an intruder cuddling him? What in the absolute fuck? Was this one of his friends sick ways of harassing him because he missed the party?
Glancing around the room trying to stay as calm as possible, Ichigo attempted to get a feel for their spiritual pressure. It took him all of five seconds to give up. It felt familiar, but without any kind of menacing or fighting aura surround them, he was honestly at a loss. The only reason he knew it wasn’t Captain Zaraki is because he wasn’t suffocated into the bed. That, and his two-person boy band wasn’t criticizing him from unseen corners of his room.
Trying to focus on the shape sprawled across him, Ichigo could tell they were taller than him, though probably not by much. Trying to move his arms was met with resistance—hands gripped each bicep like a lifeline, gently clawing and relaxing long fingertips into the meat of each arm.
The head shifted, and Ichigo felt something hard and smooth scrape across the exposed skin of his neck. It felt like a—
“What the fuck,” Ichigo hissed out, eyes going wide in realization, debating whether or not he was going to leave the guy be, or push him off him (and his bed) and smother him with Ichigo’s favorite pillow.
“Took ya long enough,” rang out a familiar, gruff voice, though laced with drowsiness. Ichigo felt his heartbeat stutter. His voice sounded almost soft. No. Nonononono don’t gay panic now. “S’warm in here. Quiet too.”
“What are you talking about?” Okay, panic a little. “What are you—”
“Be quiet,” the arrancar whined, rubbing his stupid face into Ichigo’s softest shirt, hands flexing and relaxing on Ichigo’s arms again, unsheathed claws prickling against his human skin. Quiet? Warm? Was Grimmjow drunk? What in the hell and a half was going on? Was he drunk? Ichigo didn’t remember getting into Isshin’s good whiskey, but hey, he’d slept-walk before.
Once.
When he was five.
“Sorry,” Ichigo said in a frantic whisper, nerves buzzing like angry hornets. The nasty stinging kind that only wanted to kill people. “I just wasn’t expecting you to be in my room on Christmas Eve nuzzling into my chest like it was a normal thing that happened.”
“Fuckin’ shut up already, Kurosaki,” Grimmjow growled, shifting around a little bit, head propping up, is damn pointy chin digging into Ichigo’s chest not unlike the dullest dagger in the world, blue eyes narrowed at him. Ichigo felt his hands twitch.
“Urahara’s was fucking loud. Smelly too. Damn booze-hound,” he muttered, laying his head back down.
“You shut up, you bastard,” Ichigo whisper yelled. “You’ve barely been here! You don’t get to just…do this!”
“I’m here now, ain’t I,” Grimmjow yelled in a hush right back, as if there were other people in the house to be concerned about. Wait, were there? What time even was it? He didn’t remember actually looking at the clock. It was only like…seven when he put the little animated movie on—and it was only like forty five minutes long at most. Damn, he was turning into an old man. He’d be eighty in two days.
Sucking in a breath, Ichigo marched on, ready to get this shit show delt with so he could go back to sleep and wake up mad about it tomorrow.
“Yeah, but why?”
Grimmjow growled for real this time, a low reverberation resonating in his chest before the man sat up, and Ichigo saw his glare glow through the darkness.
“The fuck, you don’t want me here now? Shitty Kiskue said you’d been moping around ‘cuz of it, and now you decided to change yer mind?”
Trying not to snort at the completely accurate nickname for the damn shopkeeper, Ichigo propped himself up on his elbows, since Grimmjow was still sitting on half of him like a damn house-cat, and glared right back.
“I don’t mope,” he said, voice now at a normal volume, growling right back, though not quite as animalistic.
Ichigo ran a now free hand across his sweaty face. Grimmjow ran a hell of a lot warmer than he’d anticipated. Of course, it could always be the stress of the situation at hand.
“You fuckin’ do.” Grimmjow leaned in closer, laying more of himself over Ichigo again, arms now caging both of his sides, gaze predatory. What in the hell was going on? Sure, Ichigo wasn’t opposed to the action whatsoever, but it was weird coming from Grimmjow of all people.
“If you don’t want me here then just say so.” Hot breath fanned Ichigo’s face, and if the light were on, Grimmjow could probably see him blush.
Eyebrow ticking, patience thinning regardless of how attractive the bastard on top of him was, Ichigo spat out his next sentence.
“Of course, I want you here, you complete asshat! What the fuck took you—”
Lips—well, teeth, more like—cut off Ichigo’s lecture. Warm and moist and so fucking soft, Ichigo felt his head drop back onto his pillow, arms wrapping around the torso pressing into him. Whatever Grimmjow was wearing, it was scratchy as hell. Yoruichi had been into some kind of string craft thing—knitting or crocheting, he didn’t remember—so it was probably that. She’d all but forced Ichigo to accept a handmade sweater with holes in the armpits. She insisted it was to let his stank out, whatever the fuck that meant.
Grimmjow pulled away first, but stayed close. His mask shone in the dim moonlight filtering through the window, teeth sharp. Stupidly, Ichigo wondered if he ever flossed them.
“Poison took a long time to wear off, had to go back to Hueco Mundo to heal some of it.”
Ichigo knitted his brows, confused. What did Hueco Mundo have that the world of the living—namely Urahara—didn’t?  
“What?”
Grimmjow scraped his mask over the bareness of Ichigo’s exposed neck, and butterflies fluttered all the way into his throat and back down. Fingers clutched at the hem of the poor-quality yarn sweater, waiting for Grimmjow to explain.
“Something about the reishi compounds,” Grimmjow started with an irritated sigh, the tip of his tongue flicking at Ichigo’s clavicle. “How an arrancar body breaks them down differently and shit. Kiskue explained it, but I wasn’t listening.”
“Figures,” Ichigo said, smiles beginning to spread across his face. “How’d you even get in my house?” Ichigo ran a hand through messy blue locks, and scratched his scalp lightly, earning a pleased grunt. And maybe a purr, if his ears weren’t deceiving him.
“Yer old man. Told me he left the door unlocked an’ that you were bein’ a brat.”
Ichigo’s face went red at Grimmjow calling him such things, but decided not to think of that—or how his father just left the house open for anyone to rob, thanks a lot. What if there was a hollow and a robber nearby? Did the old fart ever think of that?
Probably not, because he’s a moron.
Then another question wormed its way out of Ichigo’s mouth, even with Grimmjow’s greedy mouth currently nipping at whatever exposed skin he could find.  
“Why didn’t Urahara say anything to me? About you needing to go back, I mean.”
Grimmjow stopped marking Ichigo for a second, dragging an arm over Ichigo’s chest and laying his head on it. He was frowning, but didn’t look all that surprised by Ichigo’s line of questioning.  
“Because he’s a piece of shit,” he said matter-of-factly. Ichigo couldn’t help but nod in agreement, irritated sigh pushing past his lips.
“Good to know. How about we try and kill’em tomorrow?”
Ichigo heard and felt Grimmjow chuckle, shifting his arm again, lower this time, playing with the hem of his sweats. Swallowing, Ichigo’s breath hitched.  
Grimmjow growled like the feral best he was, and ground down into Ichigo’s weight, causing a groan to escape him.
“Works for me. Merry Crisis, Kurosaki. Lemme open my present.”
Ichigo just laughed and pulled Grimmjow’s stupid mouth back to his own. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad way to spend the night after all, and if things went the way he hoped, his heart wouldn’t be the only thing growing a couple sizes tonight.
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m3kuroshirt · 1 year
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Ichigo: What’s going on here?
Grimmjow, surrounded by stuffed animals, Karin, Yuzu, and Child Nel: We take stuffed animals very seriously in this house.
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m3kuroshirt · 1 year
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Grimmjow: I’m in no position to have high standards but it sure doesn’t stop me.
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m3kuroshirt · 1 year
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Grimmjow: You call it a near death experience, I call it a vibe check from God
Ichigo: *deep sigh*
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m3kuroshirt · 1 year
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Ichigo: Are you mad?
Grimmjow: No.
Ichigo: Okay, so cleaning your sword at 3 am is a hobby now?
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m3kuroshirt · 1 year
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Ichigo: Didn’t you die?
Grimmjow, who just blasted through a garganta in the middle of a war zone: That was months ago. Things change.
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m3kuroshirt · 1 year
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Ichigo: Every night right around 10pm, my feelings start to crawl out of me, so I beat them with a sword vigorously while hissing “stay back” until I finally fall asleep from exhaustion.
Grimmjow: You need to see my therapist.
Ichigo: For the last time--URAHARA IS NOT--
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m3kuroshirt · 1 year
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Ichigo: Grimmjow how are you so calm while the world is practically ending?!
Grimmjow: I’m completely disconnected from reality right now.
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m3kuroshirt · 1 year
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Ichigo: I love a guy who’s good with kids. *staring at Grimmjow getting attacked by Jinta, Ururu, Yuzu, and Karin at the same time*
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m3kuroshirt · 1 year
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Marshmallow
Warnings: mild language
Words: 853
Prompt inspiration from here.
“I bet you can’t fit ten marshmallows in your mouth!” Karin shouted, throwing a bag of the chewy bastards at his face. With his extensive training both in and out of combat, he was able to turn his face in her direction just as she threw them so they could smack him in the nose, instead of sidestepping like an actual smart person who had a working brain in his skull.
Ichigo snorted, rubbing his nose, not bothering to look at the fiendish bag on the floor. Ten? He could easily fit more than that; he wasn’t some weakling. The savior of the living world, the soul society, and hueco mundo could fit at least fifteen.
However, with her coming out of the blue and just saying so innocently had his suspicions rise like a kite in a hurricane. Of course, she could just be bored. With her, it was hard to tell sometimes. Regardless, he wasn’t going to fall for her schemes.
“I’m not falling for your little trick, you gremlin.”
Karin clutched her hand to her lying little forehead like she was sick with liar’s fever before running over to him and throwing her arms around him, kicking the bag under the couch by accident.
“I would never try and trick you Ichi-nii,” she said, voice sweet as syrup as she tightened her arms around his neck.
‘Definitely a trick,’ Ichigo thought, seven jumbo marshmallows in his craw and trying not to look like he wasn’t gasping for breath. This was the worst mistake he’d made, aside from letting Rukia stab him with her zanpakuto. And because of that he was now dying at the kitchen counter, Karin taking pictures of his plight so she could upload them on TikTok or whatever kids these days did.
“Three more to go,” she said, voice sounding suspiciously like Urahara’s. She’d been spending too much time with that damned shopkeeper, but he wasn’t really one to say. As she wrestled another jumbo marshmallow between his sputtering lips, Ichigo barely registered the door opening, and two presences making themselves known, one more aggressive than the other. 
“What the fuck are you doing, Kurosaki?”
‘I take it back, this is so much worse than letting Rukia stab me.’
Grimmjow stood, just slightly behind Evil Sister 1, boney hands on his stupid hips, his stupid attractive face scrunched up, left eyebrow raised. He looked...unimpressed was a nice word for it. And what in the absolute hell was he doing with Yuzu?! Was he just following around any Kurosaki these days? He thought what they had was special, and now the big idiot was watching Ichigo make a complete and utter ass out of himself for his sisters--both of whom were laughing, thank you very fucking much--sake.
“The marshmallow challenge,” Ichigo tried to say, but, unfortunately, it came out more like, “lha wathwaaaawow kaaagwaaae”, which roughly translated to “I hope we both die.” A small speck of marshmallow spittle flew from his mouth and landed somewhere in the great beyond of the counter space.
Ichigo felt his face heating up; he was never going to live this down from the bastard. Grimmjow was absolutely going to make fun of it until he either died, or kill him, and right now, he’d rather that happen sooner rather than later.
But then Grimmjow did something completely unexpected.
He laughed.
Jovial, full-belly, actual fucking laughter, hands on his face trying to muffle the sound, and Ichigo’s jaw went slack  just enough for a nasty wad of half chewed marshmallow to fall out of his mouth and land with a slick ‘plop’ on the counter, much to everyone's (minus Grimmjows), dismay. Yuzu shot him a dirty look, corner of her mouth down-turning slightly. 
Ichigo, now with enough room in his mouth to actually breathe and move his jaw, worked double time to chew and swallow the rest of the mess in his mouth.
“I never want one of those again,” he said, shooting a glare Karin’s way, picking up the bag and tossing it at her. It missed, and landed close to Grimmjow’s still hunched over form, shoulders shaking with silent laughter. 
“Aw c’mon. They’re sweet!”
Ichigo watched Grimmjow finally straighten himself up before rolling his eyes, staring as Karin popping one of the worst things in the world into her mouth like he didn’t almost die and go to the soul society for real.
“They don’t taste like anything!”
He did actually manage to dodge the first marshmallow Karin threw at him. The second and third one hit him square in the mouth and left ear respectively.
“You’ve got the powder on your lip, Ichi-nii,” Yuzu said, offering a napkin to him, but saying nothing to her evil twin pelting him with the soft bullets.
He grabbed it, dodging another three until he was on the same side of the counter as the arrancar who’d been strangely silent after his bout of laughter, but before he could clean up his face, Grimmjow grabbed him by the collar, yanked him forward, and crashed their lips together with a violent clack.
Not a second later, he felt a rough tongue swipe at his bottom lip, licking up the residue left behind by the damn pillow-y things. Ichigo tightened his grip on the man’s shirt, pulling and twisting, trying to get him away, or closer, or something.
Pulling away, Ichigo just stared at the man in front of him, trying to rub his two brain cells together to try and spark a single, intelligent thought, but came up emptier than Isshin’s stomach in a fast.
Grimmjow looked like he was considering something, his finger scratching the side of his face, before licking his own lips, a wicked grin splitting across his face before leaning closer to Ichigo again. 
“I think I’ve got a sweet-tooth.”
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m3kuroshirt · 1 year
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Grimmjow: Do you ever wake up from a dream and think, ‘well I guess I’m not coping with that as well as I thought it was’.
Ichigo: Yes, but without the sleeping part.
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m3kuroshirt · 1 year
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Yoruichi: What’s up with him?
Ichigo: He’s back on his bullshit again.
Grimmjow *grabs Ichigo’s hand*: No, we are back on our bullshit again.
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