maddakai - Tumblr blog

[maddakai]

Okay okay so my current little storyline I have going on is that I’m a witch and Isaac is a vampire (around 700, he also ended up turning Raven, he’s 18, I’m also 17 if that is significant at all) what happened for me to resurrect Kingston (he’s a newish character in the storyline) him and I got kidnapped by a vampire mafia gang that was getting revenge on Isaac for killing some of their allies!

Ngl the whole storyline is alllll over the place because I somehow miraculously keep coming up with the wackiest shit 💩 there is so much more details but I can’t remember them all 💀

Little backstory, in my paracosm right now I have 2 boyfriends Raven & Isaac, I’m kinda a hoe so I have another boyfriend Kingston which is who they are talking about right now, I’ve been laughing to hard at this💀

Raven: “I’m not worried!” *with a smile on his face*

Isaac: “Why?”

Raven: “Because their relationship is clearly based on lust.”

Isaac: “She just fucking resurrected him.. I don’t think she’d resurrect a guy just to have sex with him.”

Raven: *through gritted teeth* “Well now I’m worried.”

Like bitch that’s funny 😆 Laugh!

[maddakai]

I'm up thinking about daydreaming so yall get some thoughts.

Maybe I just learned it too late, but I never vibed with the term "paracosm". Like I have multiple longer daydreams that switch POVs even, but growing up I always called them stories or storylines, which fits better in my brain. They feel less like worlds to me and more like fiction, like if I was playing a tv show in my head.

Plus, the longer storylines are definitely exceptions. Most of the time I just throw together familiar characters in a similar setting (shoutout to the four house layouts I've almost always used & Generic American Highschool™️) that vary only slightly for whatever new scenario my brain cooked up. But theyve always felt just like little stories, never a changing world even when I did go back and start things over from the top.

[maddakai]

Little backstory, in my paracosm right now I have 2 boyfriends Raven & Isaac, I’m kinda a hoe so I have another boyfriend Kingston which is who they are talking about right now, I’ve been laughing to hard at this💀

Raven: “I’m not worried!” *with a smile on his face*

Isaac: “Why?”

Raven: “Because their relationship is clearly based on lust.”

Isaac: “She just fucking resurrected him.. I don’t think she’d resurrect a guy just to have sex with him.”

Raven: *through gritted teeth* “Well now I’m worried.”

Like bitch that’s funny 😆 Laugh!

[maddakai]

Sooo I have a playlist of songs I listen to during my daydreams and I feel like sharing so here ya go 🤲🏼

YouTube Paracosm Playlist

[maddakai]

Things you’re doing wrong that stop you from shifting or entering the void:

1.

2.

3.

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! You’re doing everything right!

[maddakai]

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I HEAR HOLY SHIT???

[maddakai]

I’ve always been somewhat opened about the violence I daydream about but never actually shared how fucking bad it really is.. it’s very violent and sadistic.. or masochistic.

I also daydream about incest, not all the time and never with anyone i actually know irl, all my paras are people I find off Pinterest. I don’t like the people I’m around. They don’t deserve to be a feature anyways.

There is lots of grooming happening in my daydreams 😗 nothing with children mostly just 15+ (I’m 15 in my paracosm majority of the time) the youngest person in my paracosm is 14 but I don’t really have them in my storylines anyways, they were in one storyline and didn’t really have any significant part. Everyone else 15+ and the ages change a lot with the storyline and what age i feel mentally at the time.

Lots and lots and lots and I mean lots of violence of alllll sorts. Worst things fucking possible.

Personally no bestiality, I know some people have trauma around that and daydream about it to cope, I don’t do that and idc if you do.

I’m polyam so there is a lot of hoeing around like a lot.

My daydreams are always very traumatic from other people’s pov, bc my daydreams are based off my trauma and my paras need some fucking spice okay 👌🏼 otherwise it’s absolutely boring 🥱 if I think of anything else I’ll add it but these are what I hate myself for daydreaming about the most, it’s honestly the healthiest way to cope with these things so nobody should be hating regardless. And i wouldn’t act on this shit either.

I’m glad you shared this because Ive been to scared too and my current paracosm has all of this in it right now 😭

A list of things that I feel morally weird about (some are in my daydreams already, some I'm trying to avoid because of how bad I feel about it):

just thought I'd make this incase it'd help some of y'all with having thoughts surrounding this, it's absolutely fine if you have this stuff in your daydreams, it's just very hard for me to not feel disgusted with myself about this so I'm sharing it in hopes of helping other people. Basically stuff that makes me feel very weird about myself every time I think about it but it'd make my daydreams so much more fun but like my brain basically shouts at me "that's wrong!" every time,,, so yeah

making my paras and their siblings "very close" basically just incest😔

Aging Harley up by a few years (making her 4 years older than me in my everyday verse (I'm a minor so it'd be illegal) or making her up to 10 years older in my future verses) but always in a very questionable way (25 and 35, 15 and 19-20, 18 and 28...

Harley grooming me in these daydreams,,

having daydreams about my paraself sleeping with my paras older siblings,,

aging Regulus down? why does this feel very weird but it kinda fits but like... idk

having a para based on my fav teacher

having my paras beat up my bullies in a violent and graphic way

Harley flirting with my fav teacher,, and her flirting back,, (it's hottt you guys)

daydreaming about my teacher grooming me because it makes me feel safe

I'll probably add more as we go on, please feel free to add on your own experiences and don't be an arse about this, im mentally ill I'm going to be fucked up

[maddakai]

Maladaptive Daydream Culture is daydreaming while making food, but then getting annoyed when the food is done cause now you have to interrupt the daydream and eat

[maddakai]

Uhh I notice that when I “try” (don’t know what word to use hush) to shift I dissociate more.

Is that a bad thing??

I get very lost in the affirmations, then lose my train of thought cuz my mind starts wondering but it’s very blurry.

Don’t think i described that well at all just disregard that last part

[maddakai]

Happy Birthday to my para uncle Jesse !! 🥳

You will never age but idc we still celebrating 😂

[maddakai]

I was gonna say that I wouldn’t last a day in my paracosm because of how violent it is at times but then I realized my paracosm’s are me coping with all my trauma.. so I’ve already lived through it, I’m just having more controlled fun ig. I’d be fine, I think…

[maddakai]

I appreciate your dilemma making me laugh 💀

This is definitely something my para’s would go through 😭

omg i was trying to pace and a brown recluse spider started dangling from the ceiling i was fighting for my life

[maddakai]

I’ll never meet anyone as sexy as my para’s!

Whenever I want to see a sexy motherfucker I just close my eyes 🙂‍↕️

💀💀

They are all I want in my view at all times!

I’m about to start embodying these bitches, people sure asf won’t like me then 😂

[maddakai]

the pain of madd is that ik EXACTLY the life i should have had, i know exactly who i should have loved and been loved by, i know who should've moved in with, been in a relationship with, married, i know it all

but i dont. i dont have any of it. i got the wrong life, somehow, but my brain was cursed with remembering what should've been

[maddakai]

A: “What are we even gonna do? Kill him?”

B: “Brilliant idea! Time for assassination!”

[maddakai]

Gonna gaslight myself by using a new affirmation I call "I keep waking up in my DR"

Much better than it's brother called "I keep waking up in my CR"

Thanks for coming to my ted talk 👍🏻

[maddakai]

If my life isn’t like my paracosm’s then I don’t want it!

I’m not settling!