malkmaged130

[malkmaged130]

How is that world is unfair like that... How do the people who even can't write properly get appreciated with the highest marks. And the people who suffer every year to be the best of the best can't even find a place to belong.

[malkmaged130]

Yeah. He was right. I couldn't see my 67% as he did. İf I spent that year digging up the sea I would have made better progress

Well. Its been a hard year. But what Hurt most is dad talking with me about coulage saying " what are you gonna do if you didn't get to medicine " and talking like he is 100% sure I'm not getting it.

So

Who got a plan I can borrow?

[malkmaged130]

Okay let's say it loud so it stops spinning around in my mind.

Life sucks okay, and I knew it.. but knowing something and experiencing it is totally different.

And now I'm spending all my effort on not crying that I don't have anything to face the world with.

[malkmaged130]

Always wondered why a person would cry in the streets.

Now I know. And fuck every person who is the reason in that 🌹

[malkmaged130]

Well. Its been a hard year. But what Hurt most is dad talking with me about coulage saying " what are you gonna do if you didn't get to medicine " and talking like he is 100% sure I'm not getting it.

So

Who got a plan I can borrow?

[malkmaged130]

Lucy Gray / Lenore Dove / Katniss

[malkmaged130]

In 24 hours I will finish my last exam. 11 months of studying for that. 11 months of fear, exhaustion, self doubt, anger. All of that ends tomorrow.

İdk what I'm gonna do tomorrow after the exam. I almost forgot how I used to spend my time. And at the same time. I wanna compensate for every moment I give up for studying.. for every movie I didn't see, every party I didn't attend, every book I didn't read, just to study.

But with all my happiness now. I'm afraid For the last step. One scene from" the walk" keeps playing in my head over and over

"Papa Rudy: Most wire walkers, they die when they arrive. They think they have arrived... But they are still on the wire. If you have three steps to do, and if you do those steps arrogantly... if you think you are invincible... You are going to die!"

I don't wanna die in my last 3 steps.

[malkmaged130]

Bridge to Terahithia

Time 1:47 am.

Location : the couch In front of the TV.

Exam night and now sleep. I shuffled around the TV until I found bridge to Terahithia movie starting.. I used to watch it when I was kiddo. So I said why not.. it's not horror, I know the end. İt might make me sleepy.

It used to be about a boy who likes to draw and meets a girl who likes to imagine things and they go on adventures.

But as I'm watching now. It talks about a family with financial problems, a father who knows his son has problems. Still, instead of solving or trying to explain the situation - even if it hurts- he ignores his son, caring for the younger ones while piling up chores on the boy. Well because he is the boy. And scolds him when he makes the smallest mistakes.

It talks about a girl. With a weird but lovely family. With no real friends.

İt talks about a boy who can't have space for himself.. can't have peace. Can't do his hobbies. Pulled at school and has no friends. God knows what that boy was like. Then he meets a friend.. a girl with unlimited imagination.

It talks about how a person could use their imagination to forget. Even for a few moments. All their problems. How it could improve our life.

It talks about how we could find our calmness, even happiness in unexpected places.

It talks about how. In one moment our rope of hope could be cut.

İt's the first time ever I cry while watching that movie. Not because the end has changed, it's because how I have changed, body and soul. How my perspectives has changed.

Movies were never just movies.

[malkmaged130]

" little me knew exactly what her type of men was.."

They aired three movies on the same channel for the actor's birthday, and I overlooked that. It wasn’t until I searched for him in the third movie that I realized I had loved the same actor three fuckin times in one night.

[malkmaged130]

Ooooh, you still watch cartoons, aren't you big for that now?

Yeah. I still watch cartoons because it acts as stress reliver and a safe zone away from life's shit.

And no. No one is old enough to stop watching cartoons

[malkmaged130]

Well. Just now I discovered why I hate asking for help..

For being afraid that if I failed. I would have wasted this help

[malkmaged130]

It's always like the first time it happened, bitter. Heavy. Shattering. And I'm always the same fool who thought they would change. Who thought they would care.

[malkmaged130]

Next time. Don't hope.

[malkmaged130]

God I would sit and fill the up rather than actually writing

ultimate character development template

basics

name: meaning of name: nicknames/titles: age: gender: location: birthday: strengths + example where it's shown: weaknesses + example where it's shown: how it affects others:

emotional depth

attachment style + how it manifests in the story: physical fear: emotional/abstract fear: happy memory: sad memory: object of significance: philosophical outlook/belief: what characters are ignorant about themselves: how confident are they: goal: long-term dreams: what they're embarrassed/ashamed to tell others about: regrets: source of pride: source of misery: what they admire above all else: do they believe in fate:

personality

mbti: enneagram: big five: character archetype: star sign: who they pretend to be on the outside: who they actually are/how they feel towards the mask: mental health conditions: how it manifests for them: iq: eq: humour: reputation:

habits

bad habits: mannerisms when stressed: mannerisms when content: mannerisms when scared: mannerisms normally: verbal mannerisms/distinctive speaking style: how do they move across a room: what do they say and what remains unsaid: how they express love: hobbies:

appearance

defining features: eye shape + colour: hair texture + colour: skin texture + tone: vibe: height: build: clothing: any bodily disfigurement (scars, etc.): overall attractiveness: their opinion on their appearance: appeals to:

relationships

who they trust most: what they wish they could do for them: what's holding them back: who they hate most: what they wish they could do to them: what's holding them back: relationship with the protagonist: relationship with the antagonist: siblings: relationship with them: parents/step-parents: relationship with them: previous broken relationships: why did it break: what others expect of them: who believes in them: their mentor character/who they look up to: political/religious/other affiliations: what makes them different from every other character: non-human relationships + why: romantic "type" + why: relationship dynamics:

backstory/background

primary emotion towards their past: primary feelings while in their past: where did they grow up: defining incidents: earliest childhood memory: saddest memory: happiest memory: major accomplishments: their opinion on it: notable people in their backstory: effect on them today: trauma: what have they already lost: financial circumstance:

progression

why are they important (eg. why're they the only one able to do something?): what do they learn about themselves throughout the story: what do they learn about the world: how do they feel towards their newfound knowledge: character arc (positive, negative, neutral): how relationships change because of their actions: what mistakes do they make: what scene is their character highlighted: do they get what they want: why or why not: what happens to them after the story ends:

[malkmaged130]

Go to the hell exam's season.

[malkmaged130]

Scientifically I have 350$ in my account for the month

Technically we have 3 birthdays so we have to go on with 50$ this month

How to say I'm rich and poor at the same time🤔🤔

[malkmaged130]

What's worse than drowning in front of people applauding for your swimming