marcelinevampirequeen3

[marcelinevampirequeen3]

well now should i just commit since i’m actually so fucking fat now and disgusting and i’m getting like forced into recovery and everything is just so stupid

officially considered underweight for my bmi

[marcelinevampirequeen3]

mayb i’ll just do OMAD and see if i get fat or not idk i have no control and i’m a disgusting person so idk

[marcelinevampirequeen3]

looking back at my posts from like the past month is just straight up embarrassing because of how much i just keep fucking up and eating pls no more

[marcelinevampirequeen3]

i don’t think you guys understand how much weight ive visibly gained in the past 4 days of eating i am fucking disgusting

[marcelinevampirequeen3]

okay wow so i have been in a recovery phase for like the past idk every since i stopped posting i refuse to weigh myself for the next 2weeks because i know i will be probably 53kg so i just can not get back on that scale until i’m back to 48kg then we can go from there i can so do this

[marcelinevampirequeen3]

okay so i just weighed myself and im at 48.8 so the meal w no purge made me gain .8 kg which is like pretty sad but also pretty easy to lose i just need to not eat im also putting my scale under my bed for the next 5-6 days so i won’t be updating my weight until then im just real curious to how much i can lose in 6 days by just not eating so yeah stay tuned and find out

[marcelinevampirequeen3]

ok not to sound insane but is it just me who body checks after they've been to the toilet? like ok maybe that pee made me lose w31ght.

[marcelinevampirequeen3]

honestly maybe this is exactly what i needed almost like a reset like i needed to just loose control for a bit to be able to gain control back

[marcelinevampirequeen3]

slow progress is better than no progress. slow progress is better than no progress. slow progress is better than no progress. slow progress is better than no progress. slow progress is better than no progress. slow progress is better than no progress. slow progress is better than no progress. slow progress is better than no progress.

-- me rocking back and forward on the bathroom floor

[marcelinevampirequeen3]

well now this is depressing to look at after a binge and no purge

officially considered underweight for my bmi

[marcelinevampirequeen3]

i can not give up what i’ve worked so hard on

[marcelinevampirequeen3]

right okay so like i had a bit of a moment where i was gonna just start eating again and then i realised that it’s just the freaks in my life trying to fatten me up and make me ugly and also side note my friends are being absolute fucking assholes so what’s better revenge then getting really really skinny anyways sadly i’m not 48kg anymore which i actually can not be more mad at so yeah gaining a kilo is definitely like suicide but whatever i guess anyways i’m not eating for the next week

[marcelinevampirequeen3]

i have my whole life to eat like shit i don't need it right now

[marcelinevampirequeen3]

it's kind of weird being at the weight that me two months ago would've killed to be at and how I use to cry looking in the mirror and I would be so stressed and pissed over the fact I would never eat and I was still fat and now I'm not but it's still not enough is it

[marcelinevampirequeen3]

officially considered underweight for my bmi

[marcelinevampirequeen3]

idk how i keep on loosing weight (not a big amount) when I am eating like I'm not keeping it down don't get me wrong but I should still be consuming calories no? like literally just how it works if u eat and then throw up you've still consumed calories even if it's straight away which it always is for me but like how does this make any sense like I'm still somewhat restricting not as much as before but like yeah still I'm confused

[marcelinevampirequeen3]

the amount of food I've ingested in the past like 2 weeks is actually disgusting and awful I need to pull my head in and lock in im sick of this pattern repeating itself but I am able to break it by simply breaking it #itsthatsimple