marcyiyi

[marcyiyi]

omg this makes so much sense! also I have no original thought, because literally YESTERDAY I was comparing Henry and Wilde. So I'll do that here too, because it supports your brilliant post:

Why Henry is a Wilde-like figure:

1. Henry and Julian as a paralel to Wilde/Mahaffy. Mahaffy was Wilde's tutor in college and ignited a passion in him for all things ancient greek. They also went to holidays in Italy and Greece across two summers. This is very much the kind of relationship Henry had with Julian, not speaking about Henry's and Wilde's academic brilliance.

2. Henry's and Wilde's tendencies for decadence. Decadence being the movement of extreme and bizzare sensetionalism. Essentialy the main thought is to experience everything for yourself, especially the perverse and rare things. Wilde is literally the most famous writer of this movement, and Henry alligns with the values perfectly. He takes literal MURDER as a life-changing experience. His longing for decadence causes the group to try the bacchanal. Not speaking about the alcohol, cigarettes abd drugs. TMaybe his relationship with Julian is driven by this need for bizzare experiences. In short, Henry and Wilde are both very decadence-esque.

3. Henry's and Wilde's crushes with the law. Bare with me here. So Wilde had sued the father of Douglas for accusing him of homosexuality, and throughout the process acted as if he already won, very confident and convinced of his cause (he was right, okay, I don't think he should've been in jail, but under the law at the time, he was wrong). But then he lost becuase Douglas' father had evidence of him actually being gay. How does this tie to Henry? He also commited a crime (being gay is not a crime, but again, under the law at the time) and expected to get away with it. He was confident (although less cocky) that he'd get out of it unharmed.

soooo when I was reading TPODG, I got interested in Oscar Wilde's life etc so I read up on it (mostly the wiki) and bruh....his relationship with a certain someone reminded me of a certain dynamic......

SO I HAVE A question: did Donna Tartt channel the dynamic of Oscar Wilde/Alfred “Bosie” Douglas into Henry/Bunny? just a little bit???? just a smidge??? I WONDER????

With Henry being the Wilde-like figure (generous, forgiving, patient, the one with the money) and Bunny being the Bosie/Douglas variant (petulant, demanding, selfish, ultimately causes Henry’s downfall)

Ok i sound like im yapping off my meds but lemme give u some evidence

first acquaint yourselves with Oscar Wilde (who everyone already kows) and Douglas (also referred to as "Bosie") Bosie's the one who is sitting down.

Exhibit A.

We can infer that Henry probably paid for Bunny’s asthmatic medicines/inhalers at least once. You don’t need to agree with this, I think it’s just a very highly plausible headcanon because in three years or so especially with Bunny’s allergies I reckon he would have needed a trip to the doctor at least once.

In any case, even if he did NOT, we know he was depending on Henry for survival. But when it’s Henry turn to get sick, BECAUSE OF BUNNY, and he was laid in Rome, dying of a migraine?

TSH excerpt:

Bunny was in his own world. He left Henry to rot basically 😭 The Wiki excerpt:

Also. Blackmail.

Exhibit B.

Excerpt from the wiki:

This is how Douglas is described, and it’s mentioned how his relationship with Wilde was fraught with tension, frequent fights over money and behaviour. Wilde was funding his extravagant lifestyle, just like Henry was blowing money on Bunny’s expensive suits and restaurant trips………

Other weird stuff I thought should be mentioned: 1. Bosie became homophobic later on and persecuted men he thought were homosexuals vehemently 💀 including Robert Ross, who was a rival of his I guess because he was closer to Wilde (they had been in a relationship too) and also protected Wilde's works, and ALSO was gay

2. This might be less relevant but after the scandal that Wilde got into because of Douglas' careless actions and his father's involvement of the law, he was imprisoned. During his imprisonment he wrote a letter to Douglas, De Profundis, detailing what he felt for him. It's not negative, like Henry's diary entry was for Bunny, but it is critical of both himself (for his 'weakness) and Douglas (for his vanity and general selfish behaviour). he wasnt able to give it to him tho

[marcyiyi]

6. Oliver's personality. The book starts with him saying "Later!" and that's thr start of his characterisation. Nonchalant, confident, a bit detached. Which are also the defining traits of the Greek class. Their disinterest in the real world makes them often cold, which Oliver also sometimes is. Yes, he's mostly good with people and others love him (so is Bunny, a Greek class member), but he does get cold and mean. That could be a result of this artificial, studied personalities that Julian's pupils adopt. Richard even writes in tsh that there's something learnt in their behaviour, something nurtured, not natural. And I think that Oliver fits this pretty well. Since he left Hampden, he went back to his pre-Julian ways (talkative, easy-going), yet something from that time remains in him.

prepare for an insane tsh and cmbyn theory

the gist of it is that these two universes are connected through Oliver who could be a student of Hampden college. I played around with the idea of him being Francis, but that's for another day. Now let's go through the reasons for this theory:

1. both books are set in the same period (80s), Oliver is 24 i think? So he could be a student of Hampden's Greek class trying to flee the disaster with Bunny

2. Oliver is in B to edit his book about Hérakleitos, who, interestingly enough, was a pre-Socratic greek philosopher. His idea of war being the father of all and king of all seems to go pretty well with the Greek class's opinions. So where could Oliver get this favoritism for Hérakleitos? Well. But just the whole reason for the events in cmbyn being Oliver's obsession with an ancient greek philosopher is pretty self explanatory.

3. Oliver talks about living in small towns of New England. In the first part (don't ask me for quotes, i'm reading in my native language) they discuss him being jewish in this part of America, where, guess what college is located? Literally the next sentence is about Oliver losing his Mont Blanc pen.

4. Oliver has money, so he could afford to be in the Greek class. We learn this because he opens a bank account in B to play poker.

(5.) Oliver would be fine with Elio's age and their relationship, because Julian partly normalised it in his group (with Henry), the boundaries were blurred. Not sure about this, but it could contribute to Oliver's mindset.

I may add more as I read on, but that's it so far

[marcyiyi]

prepare for an insane tsh and cmbyn theory

the gist of it is that these two universes are connected through Oliver who could be a student of Hampden college. I played around with the idea of him being Francis, but that's for another day. Now let's go through the reasons for this theory:

1. both books are set in the same period (80s), Oliver is 24 i think? So he could be a student of Hampden's Greek class trying to flee the disaster with Bunny

2. Oliver is in B to edit his book about Hérakleitos, who, interestingly enough, was a pre-Socratic greek philosopher. His idea of war being the father of all and king of all seems to go pretty well with the Greek class's opinions. So where could Oliver get this favoritism for Hérakleitos? Well. But just the whole reason for the events in cmbyn being Oliver's obsession with an ancient greek philosopher is pretty self explanatory.

3. Oliver talks about living in small towns of New England. In the first part (don't ask me for quotes, i'm reading in my native language) they discuss him being jewish in this part of America, where, guess what college is located? Literally the next sentence is about Oliver losing his Mont Blanc pen.

4. Oliver has money, so he could afford to be in the Greek class. We learn this because he opens a bank account in B to play poker.

(5.) Oliver would be fine with Elio's age and their relationship, because Julian partly normalised it in his group (with Henry), the boundaries were blurred. Not sure about this, but it could contribute to Oliver's mindset.

I may add more as I read on, but that's it so far

[marcyiyi]

how the fuck has it been two years 😭😭

if my blog was a baby, it would walk already, that's insane

[marcyiyi]

carnations can also represent fascination, which is less relevant to the ancient world, but very fitting for the scene. Combined with the roses and anemones, it would make anticipation, fascination and love, but in the book, they come backwards (roses as love first) which could mean Richard was first romantically enamored, then academically fascinated, before he started to anticipate being involved with the class. And because he is walking into Julian's office for the first time, and smelling these flowers, he could be realising in that moment, how much he feels and how close he is to his obsession and that (of course combined with Julian's charisma) could cause the dream-like and charmed nature of the conversation.

Alternatively, since these are flowers in Julian's office, they could tell something about him. Richard described him as opening the door only a sliver, only so far he could see out, but no one could see in. He's usually hiding those flowers, the love, fascination and anticipation. Only when someone is up to his standards, he lets them come in and smell the flowers. Which is when he starts manipulating the person into anticipation, fascination and love. The smell of the flowers is something that leaves an impression, has an effect on someone, as is Julian's charisma. Which makes him an even creepier.

Because I'm re-reading The Secret History, I'm gonna share a little thing that I noticed. The second time Richard goes to talk to Julian, after the library scene, to get into the Greek class, he notices the number of flowers there are there and particularly that there are roses, carnations and anemones. I went online and looked up the language of flowers and these are my finsings

- Roses symbolise love and passion (for Greek I'm assuming in this context) but also confidentiality and secrecy (the whole vibe of Julian's lessons and the class' shenaningans)

- Carnations represent ceremonial crowns in Greek culture, which I associate with Richard finally getting into the class, and the coronation of God-made flesh in Roman mythology, which applies perfectly to how Richard views Julian at that point in the narrative

- Anemones represent anticipation, the feeling Richard has before the whole conversation with Julian

Of course these symbolisms are quite generic, since the meaning of each flower varies based on the colour of the flower and the number of thorns a rose has, but yeah, I think this is pretty neat.

[marcyiyi]

talk to me about the secret history, please. i'm rereading and analysing the book and desperately need to share that with someone or i might turn into a hedonistic bacchae-planning ancient-worlds-obsessed scholar over the summer.

thank you

[marcyiyi]

a secret history rant about Richard's mentality:

Richard hates anyone that is LIKE the Greek class, that thinks similarly or says similar things. We see this in Judy Poovey when she talks about Henry being so violent, because "when uptight people like that get mad, they get really mad." which is a summarised idea of Julian's earlier lecture. Another example is Richard's ex Kathy, who he thought to be a "brooding malcontent like myself" but found she only had "banal sorrows". He doesn't like Judy nor Kathy, even though they essentialy have the right ideas. One could say that he's mysogynistic (which he is) or that Judy's and Kathy's thoughts lack nuance and depth (maybe, who am i to fully trust Richard), however let me argue, ok?

I think this is connected to Richard's college transfer and to his lies about his childhood. He talks about how his medical classes were littered with dead animals, with flesh and blood and so on, so forth. He hated these and ended up in the Greek class, which is (from what we read) much about the same: beauty is terror, the four madnesses, all the descriptions of war and violence. Only this time, it's disconnected from reality. They only talk about it. Julian says it himself "are you ready to enter the sublime?". And I think that's why Richard so hates Judy and Kathy, and partly Bunny, and so adores the Greek class. The Greeks are something above this world, something not rooted in reality, something in the sublime. They don't do basic human things, they are all somehow live in a different realm. And Richard, who CRAVES escapism, as we know from the beggining, when he talks about his childhood, is attracted to them for this quality. But Judy, Kathy, and partly Bunny, are more connected to the real world, which Richard has intertwined with his childhood, with the life he hated, because it was so simple and real.

Thank you for coming to my ted tsh talk

[marcyiyi]

@wolfstarmicrofic feb. 24 heart

,,In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy spirit, amen," Remus started, the words feeling like an unused muscle finally stretched after years of stillness. It, frankly, also felt a little absurd, sitting folded into the small, dark space of the confessional and telling his secrets to a wall. ,,Bless me, Father, for I have sinned," he fished the phrases out of his childhood memories. He didn't add how long has it been since his last confession, even though he should have. He simply couldn't recall and telling the priest 'maybe like eighteen years' didn't sound very good. So he skipped over to the sins. ,,I have given my heart to a man. Not from lust or shallow desire, but from a love deeper than the hell I would be sent to," he heard the priest breath in, apparently getting ready to say something. He continued before the words came. ,,That of itself isn't the worst," he added, because he didn't truly believe that his love was a sin. A thing such beautiful couldn't be wrong. ,,I have loved him through a lot of things. Being loyal isn't wrong either. But I have stayed devoted to him even after he had betrayed and hurt our best friends. My rational mind wanted to hate him. To forget him. But my heart forgave. It moved on and still beats only for him, through the evil he had commited," he finished. And before the priest could tell him that everyone is a sinner and that he should pray however many Hail Marys, he got up and left the confessional. He came there hoping God would help him let go. See the right path, see his lover's actions for what they were. Betrayal. Murder. It was foolish, yet he found himself turning back to the ways his mum taught him when he was young. But neither the tall walls of the cathedral, nor the gothic ceiling, nor all the paintings of saints could cover the stormy sky the colour of certain someone's eyes.

[marcyiyi]

@wolfstarmicrofic feb. 23 stalk

,,Did you buy a ticket for this train? Because you have ‘fine’ written all over you.”

Remus got startled from his reading. He looked up and saw a black-haired man standing over his seat, smiling. The smile was absolutely disarming, mischievous and playful. ,,I’m sorry?” he replied sounding stupid in front of this gorgeous guy. He wanted to slap himself and disappear. Instead, he marked the page in his book with his thumb and turned towards the stranger. ,,I didn’t mean to freak you out, you’re just bloody fit and I was wondering if I could get your instagram or something,” the man said, running a hand through his shiny, long, wavy hair that fell into his eyes just so. Remus had to stop thinking about his own fingers in that hair and instead fucking say something. ,,Oh, you definitely could,” fell out of his mouth before he had a chance to think about anything else except the hands covered in silver rings. The hands which now held a phone and loomed over the screen, ready to type. ,,I mean, if I had one. I’m not really into strangers trying to stalk me,” he added with a laugh. But he realised too late that he wasn’t coming off as very friendly or very into the guy. ,,Oh okay, have a good-“ he was turning and apparently ready to leave. ,,Wait, don’t,” Remus stopped him with a hand on his wrist. Which he again, realised too late, was probably too much for a person he literally didn’t even know the name of. But at least he turned back around. ,,I didn’t mean it like that. I can give you my number if you want?” he tried to save the situation. ,,Okay,” said the guy quietly. ,,Here, sit for a while,” Remus patted the seat next to himself in an invitation. It probably worked, because the guy (Sirius, as he later found out) ended up staying for the whole ride. Remus walked from the train with Sirius’ number in his pocket, a date set up in a week, and a sappy smile on his face that he was bound to get shit for from Lily.

[marcyiyi]

@wolfstarmicrofic feb. 22 hope

,,This is ridiculous. Have you seen it?” Remus asked Lily, handing her a file. It contained a fact sheet about Sirius Orion Black, the aristocrat whose brother’s wedding they got invited to. For some godforsaken reason. ,,No, I haven’t. Read me something,” she replied, putting her earrings on, facing the mirror and leaving him to pace their hotel room. ,,Okay. His mother’s name is Walburga and his father’s is Orion. As if Sirius and Regulus weren’t fucking fancy enough. Couldn’t they choose anything more simple? Like Hope?” he lamented. ,,Yeah, as if the bloody rich french noble family would choose a normal welsh name, Remus,” she retorted, moving on to her necklace. ,,But you have to admit this is absurd,” he insisted. ,,Maybe. I haven’t read it all though. Give me it, let’s make this more fun,” she replied, a mischievous glint in her eye. Remus complied, handing her the file, and she went to sit on the bed, however not without visiting the liquor cabinet first. ,,So, I’ll ask a fact, you tell me. If it’s right, I drink, if it’s wrong, you drink. If it’s objectively laughable and preposterous, we both drink,” she proposed. ,,Alright, let’s get drunk right before this important posh evening,” he grinned, taking a glass from her. ,,First question: what’s his dog’s name?” ,,Padfoot, which isn’t even a word, and if it was, it’s a name for a cat. Drink,” he answers right away. Lily does, and continues with: ,,What’s his favourite book?” Remus thinks for a while. ,,Candide, ou l’optimisme” he says, over-pronouncing the ‘i’s ,,by Voltaire. Fucking Voltaire, Lily. That is ridiculous,” he complains, drinking. She apparently agrees, as she lifts her glass to take a sip too. ,,Right, his favourite band?” is her next question. ,,Uhm, Christ, what was it…” he struggles. ,,Uh uh, that’s not right. Drink up, Moony,” she teases. ,,Alright, what is it? Sodding french philharmonic orchestra?” Remus snarks after sipping his whiskey. ,,No, surprisingly. It says Queen in here,” she says with a smirk, and adds: ,,Maybe you could show him what’s a ‘Good old-fashioned lover boy.”

[marcyiyi]

@wolfstarmicrofic feb. 21 flirt

Changes weren’t necessarily a bad thing. It was just the sheer amount of them that scared Sirius. It was to be expected, after twelve years completely off the face of the Earth. But he couldn’t predict how much each part of his life would be different. He now woke up to the house on Grimmauld place, which he owned. The house was the centre of everything his family fought against. That was a change he liked. He always woke up late, his body needing compensation for the sleep lost at night. Intrusive thoughts, nightmares, sudden hunger, memories. He paced the halls or stared out the windows until Remus woke up and talked him to sleep. Remus was more changes, probably the hardest to get used to. They were older, more tired. There was less hope between the two of them, it got replaced with loss and grief. They held on to each other more for comfort than for anything else. The earlier fire faded into warm ambers, still burning, only smaller and less flashy. The playful flirt and teasing disappeared and deeper conversations or silence got more common. Or they filled the huge rooms with music. Which also changed, and Remus made it his personal mission to catch him up. It was one of the few things Sirius truly enjoyed and that could make him smile. They brought all vinyls from Remus’ flat and bought some more. In the afternoons they’d put on a record and Remus would talk about when the song came out, the events it referenced, or explain the current life of the musician. Sirius had been heartbroken learning about Freddie Mercury’s death. A change he didn’t like. Just like the cold sitting in his bones. He never seemed to be warm these days, not even under a number of blankets, tucked to Remus’ side and wearing his sweater. London also seemed too loud now, so much he had to cast silencing bubbles around himself. But then the guilt started to creep out. He was just sitting around in his childhood house, grieving a past he couldn’t get back, while everyone else was fighting a war all his friends died for. He was such a coward for this, where was his Gryffindor character? Where was the spark, the fight, the resistance in him? He might as well rot in the cell if he came back to do nothing. Nothing but reminisce about all that he lost. Nothing but let the second war be a repetition of the first. Nothing but see more people die, more lives get destroyed. Nothing but roam the ancient house and become one of its many ghosts.

[marcyiyi]

@wolfstarmicrofic feb. 20 bleed

Sirius wasn’t unsettled easily. He’d been a tattoo artist for a few years, ever since finishing uni in a major he didn’t care about. Making the designs, transferring the stencils, inking the skin, handling the pain, it was now all okay as part of the job. Even the social part came along and he could have actual conversations with his customer, the words flowing back and forth naturally. But about a month ago, he’d found himself speechless. This drop dead gorgeous guy had walked in. Sirius had wanted to scream, cry, throw up and go hide in a hole. It’d been the end of his workday, he’d been tired, his eyeliner had smudged and he’d been wearing sweatpants. The guy’d been the exact opposite of his usual customers. Not a stack of muscles, rather a tall lanky frame. His skin uncovered, he’d actually come for his first tattoo. Not dressed in black, not intimidating. Rather shy, actually. There hadn’t been anything sharp on him, except his wit. But that was something Sirius had to learn yet. The month ago, he had just written the tattoo idea and the name Lupin into his customer log. And hasn’t looked at it since, hasn’t remembered the date in an attempt to not be excited, to not plot anything, to try to convince himself he wasn’t falling for a random customer.

But that was a mistake, he thought now. As he had the guy (he introduced himself as Remus) lying in his chair shirtless, judging the design. ,,I’ve added the leaves, they’re supposed to look like ivy. I know it’s not in the exact song you want, but I’ve listened to the album and it seemed fitting with the growing theme. Anyway, we can totally do it without them, it’s okay if you want just the line,” he blabbered, fidgeting with his pendant necklace. ,,No, no, it’s really good actually. I like that it spices it up, it isn’t just a boring line of text,” Remus said, setting down the sketches. After a little debate about the size, Sirius got started on the stencils. ,,So, you’ve listened to the album? For me?” Remus asked, his tone smug and teasing. ,,I mean, yeah. ‘If you never bleed you’re never gonna grow’ is a pretty fire line and even better tattoo,” he commented while transferring the stencil onto the man’s shoulder blade. ,,You a fan?” he asked, getting ready his needles. ,,No, not really. I only listen to the two albums, Folklore and Evermore, the rest is not really my cup of tea. I don’t dare call myself a swiftie, but for the two alone she should get a Nobel prize for literature,” his face literally lit up, and his hands made quote gestures at the words swiftie. ,,They’re so poetic, like ‘your Midas touch on the chevy door, November flush and your flannel cure’ or the whole of Hoax,” he described. Then he stopped suddenly, looking at Sirius who prepared everything in the meantime. ,,I sound like a proper fangirl, don’t I?” he questions, cupping his face in his hands. ,,It’s alright, I’d like to hear more about it, really. And talking about something you like might help you get distracted from the pain. The back isn’t as painful, if you don’t go across the spine, but it’s no walk in the park. Get ready for the stinging,” Sirius warned him and started the tattoo. Remus winced at the first puncture and fell silent.

,,So, it’s like poetry for you?” Sirius prompted him again. ,,Yes, but it’s also so silly. Like ‘leaving like a father, running like water’ or ‘in a feud with her neighbour, she stole his dog and dyed it key lime green’. It breaks your heart and patches it up again and makes you believe in true love. I’ve related to it since I’ve discovered it, I always find something new, a new meaning behind the words, a new image she paints with them,” the man remarks. And Sirius doesn’t listen to current music scene, he doesn’t analyse lyrics and never read poetry, but he wants to know more, wants to know everything about this guy. ,,Right, it must’ve been hard to choose only one line. Why this one, if it’s not too personal?” ,,Well, it’s kind of my motto. ‘Greatness requires sacrifice’ sort of thing,” he paused, seemingly considering his next words. ,,And it’s word for word my coming out experience, too,” he stammered. ,,Oh, you don’t need to talk about it if you don’t want to. But it’s okay if you do, I’m actually bi, so I won’t judge you or anything,” Sirius tried to assure him quickly. ,,It wasn’t anything bad and I’m pretty open about my sexuality, but better safe than sorry, right?” Remus explained, chuckling a little. ,,Yeah, I know that real well. I grew up in a boarding school,” the artist mentioned. ,,Oh, that had to be hard. Did you also have an emotional support song?” Remus wondered, and Sirius was so grateful for him. He didn’t go into anything heavy, but acknowledged the implication and asked him about something he liked instead.

,,Yeah, kind of. I would stream the shit out of Vienna-“ ,,Oh, that’s one of my favourites too! Billy Joel is a genius,” Remus interrupted him and then seemed sheepish about it. ,,Sorry, didn’t mean to jump in,” he apologised. ,,’s fine. I just wanted to say I have it tattooed, actually,” Sirius assured while pulling down the collar of his shirt. He had the words ‘you can get what you want or you can just get old’ on one of his collarbones. ,,Wow, that had to be so painful,” Remus considered. ,,Kind of, but I love it so much. It’s like your motto, no beauty without pain, I guess,” he replied. ,,Speaking of, we’re done here,” he announced and added a few more instructions about caring for the new tattoo. Remus got dressed and payed at the front desk. But Sirius wasn’t quite ready for the conversation to be over, and he had another customer right after. And he refused to let go of a beautiful, kind and interesting man. So he gathered all his courage and stopped the man from stepping out the door. Before he could say anything, Remus was talking. ,,Hey, thank you for the tattoo, it’s exactly what I wanted. I get it might be unprofessional for you, but would you like to-“ ,,No, not at all unprofessional. I was just going to ask you if you don’t want to have lunch with me tomorrow,” Sirius proposed, relieved his interest wasn’t unrequited. ,,Yes, for sure, when’s your break?” Remus asked and that was it. As easy as two sentences, and he had a date set up. He may have been sketching out subtle matching tattoos for them, and he now had a hope of using them. If he didn’t freak out until tomorrow or if a bus didn’t crash into him or if he didn’t fall from the stairs…

[marcyiyi]

@wolfstarmicrofic feb. 19 xoxo

The four letters were torturing Remus’ brain. Right there at the end of the letter, ink on parchment. Since the morning the owl brought it, he wasn’t able to stop thinking about it. Outweighing the pros, cons, clues, hints and signs. After making several lists, he decided to settle this and talk to the only person more reasonable than him. ,,Hey, Lils,” he started, sitting in the phone booth, the receiver pressed between his shoulder and cheek while he held the letter in his lap. ,,Oh hi, hold on, let me just-“ There were shuffling sounds, another person talking and then door shutting. ,,I’m sorry, interrupting anything? You alright?” ,,No, not really. Petunia brought her boyfriend over and I’m so fed up, thank you actually. So, what’s happening?” Remus could hear the concern in her voice. ,,Nothing bad, don’t worry. It’s just… Well, Sirius sent me a letter. Multiple letters. We’ve been kind of writing a lot,” he admitted. ,,Okay. That’s good, isn’t it?” she asked, immediately making sense of the situation. Yes, it actually was good. Sirius was sending a few letters a week, talking even about his family. Which he never did. He also made plans for their next year, ideas for pranks and places they had to add to the map. A trip to Hogsmeade for this purpose was needed as well as more secret passages exploring. Which Remus usually did alone, but now Sirius seemed interested to join him. Remus explained this to Lily before getting to the part that dumbstruck him. ,,And, at the end of today’s letter he wrote, and I quote, ‘xoxo Sirius’.” He waited for Lily to react. ,,Xoxo? I mean, he doesn’t write me letters, but that seems pretty weird for him. Like weird, as in special. I doubt he writes that to James,” were her thoughts. ,,So you think he’s, what?” ,,Making some moves, I guess. You should try that too sometimes, you know?” she teased him. ,,Lily! I can not make moves on my best fucking friend!” he protested. ,,Well, it seems you won’t be platonic pals for much longer. You just told me he confides in you via letters, that he invited you to Hogsmeade and that he left hugs and kisses at the end. And combined with the terrible pick-up lines he was throwing around in the spring and the jumpers he’s been stealing from you, I see a clear intention here,” she said, fulfilling his secret wishes and confirming his fears. It was happening, the wheels set in motion and rolling down the hill. And even while sitting in a tiny glass booth in muggle London, Remus could feel his stomach do a somersault and his heart being pulled with a bit of magic.

[marcyiyi]

@wolfstarmicrofic feb. 18 crush

The Hogwarts ghosts haunted not only the halls, but also the students. No one knew this better than the Marauders, whose popularity carried over even beyond the grave. There probably wasn’t much to do after death, so all of the ghosts followed their pranks closely, with various levels of approvement. Bloody Baron was the worst, as he didn’t like any Gryffindors, but the Marauders especially. For one, they were causing the students of his house trouble, and for two, he had personal issues with Sirius. At least once a week, he’d follow him around and shout insults at him. The shame, the disappointment, the humiliation of a Black in Gryffindor. Bloody Baron’s disdain was especially unfavourable because he was the only one who somehow controlled Peeves. Peeves never really picked a side with the Marauders. If he found their prank funny, he’d help them. If not, he’d try to crush them with a chandelier. With his help they’d pulled the Christmas 1975 snow storm, but he also snitched them out to Filch repeatedly. Nearly-headless Nick was much nicer to them. He liked Peter specifically, as he was the quietest and would listen to the story of his beheading. The ghosts generally loved stories and gossip. Most of them spilled secrets overheard in the Great Hall and caused pure chaos. One of the closest followed affairs was the one between Remus and Sirius. The ghosts learnt first about Remus’ affection, having read his journal while he was writing it at the table. Surprisingly, none of them told the other boy directly. But some of them did try to get them to a forced proximity, Peeves chasing them into broom closets and blocking the door with furniture. They also did everything in their power to ruin Sirius’ dates, holding concerts in the astronomy tower, stealing his flowers and chocolates, or spreading some wild embarrassing rumours about him. However, not every ghost was plotting to get them together. Some, namely the Bloody Baron group, were going right against it. The Baron screamed slurs after the boys and doubled own on haunting Sirius. So when the boys finally confessed to each other, the ghosts obviously knew. Bloody Baron spread the word very quickly, not only with the dead, but also with the living. And the relationship got a lot of support. And a lot of mean comments and even a duel in the hallway. The duel however wasn’t the only fight this situation caused. The ghost group lead by Peeves in support of the boys attacked the Bloody Baron’s in an epic battle of swords, fists, and some old fashioned rifles. The Great Hall at midnight was empty, except for all the wizards in portraits who gathered to watch. However not a lot of them stayed for the aftermath, when the ghosts got scolded by McGonnagall. The broken tables, the shattered house point counter, the chipped walls. To everyone’s luck they couldn’t kill each other a second time.

[marcyiyi]

@wolfstarmicrofic feb. 17 smitten

Sirius acted as cool as the colour of his eyes. He nonchalantly chatted with people who came up, but never chased anyone. Never picked up girls, just let them approach first. He leaned on the cold stone walls of the castle, not in a tired way, only bored. He casually outranked his classmates, always with information retained purely from class. Which couldn’t be much, as he mostly sent little notes to his friends or plotted another prank. Even his pranks felt laid back, executed by elegant spells and cutting right to the bone. He floated so high above everything, lost somewhere in the puffy clouds. That’s where Remus pulled him from, dragged him back to the ground. And Sirius was smitten by it, by him. With him, he could no longer stay back. He tried to not care, like with everything except his friends. But it was impossible. He irreversibly loved Remus, cared for him too much, let him go too close. And it was glorious. The cold wind and mist of the clouds he used to drift in was replaced by greenery, sun and warmth of the earth. Instead of playing everything cool, he was as enthusiastic as possible. He held Remus’ hand whenever he could, cuddled into him like a koala every night, sent him love notes and kissed his cheek at least every half hour. Getting the energy back was the best feeling ever. He got the heart shaped cookies, the borrowed jumpers, kisses on his forehead and countless poems. He devoted himself to Remus like high tide meeting the shore, and the waves always came crashing back at him.

[marcyiyi]

@wolfstarmicrofic feb. 16 heartbroken

Heartbreaks were something Remus and Sirius knew very well. From a young age both of them were plumetted into tragedies, unfortunate events and lost hopes. Sirius' controlling mother and distant father. Remus' furry little problem, his heart falling apart month after month. Sirius' hopes crushed with uncle Alphard's death. The same hopes and safety that dissapeared after Lyall took his life. For Sirius, there was the grief, for Remus the same, but covered with a layer of guilt. After a childhood of getting to know sadness and darkness came the adolescence of reconciling to it. The time of finding out that the world won’t like them, won’t accept them. That there’s no place in society for poor gay werewolves and queer noble runaways. And after that, before they really became adults, the war. Not bloodshed and battles of swords, but secrets and green lit quiet deaths. The silence before the deafening storm of Halloween 1981. The start of their adulthood. Sirius in prison for life, grieving his best friends, his innocence and all the happiness the dementors took from him. Remus torn apart by sorrow for James and Lily and the undying love he still felt for the man who killed them. The following years got lost to darkness, before, twelve years later, they found the light again. Remus let the stars lead him a new way. Sirius had the moon to light the night for him and scare the terrors of it away. And despite the odds two heartbroken wizards healed each other and stayed alight despite the darkness around them.

[marcyiyi]

@wolfstarmicrofic feb. 15 propose

,,Propose, you motherfucker!” was what James said earlier this evening while shoving a box with a ring back to his hands. Sirius just wanted to show him, but instead of compliments at his taste, he got quite aggressive encouragement. ,,C’mon, why are you showing me the sodding ring? Remus should do that! He should be going around pushing his hands into people’s faces, proud of his fiancé,” lamented the messy-haired man. And of course, Sirius agreed. He knew that they were ready to do this, knew they wanted to do this. Merlin, he’d wanted it ever since their first date, their first kiss. He’d longed to swear it, to give himself to Remus and while neither of them were into religion, they loved the idea of their souls joined forever by this oath. The problem here was never the lack of want. It was the lack of possibility. Sirius had pondered this many times, but never got to a result he’d like. He hated the laws in England, and all over the world, really. Usually, Remus was the activist. He was the one who got them into marches, painted the signs and attended protests. However Sirius was acutely aware of every update on the same-sex marriage laws. And they weren’t good. He could love whomever he wanted without going to jail, thank you, but he couldn’t marry them? He wasn’t allowed to host a big wedding? He couldn’t swear to spend the rest of his life with the man he loved and celebrate with all his chosen family? He knew Remus would settle for wearing their rings and doing a small ceremony that maybe Lily would officiate. But they could never be legally husbands. Wouldn’t share a surname, wouldn’t have adoption rights, wouldn’t share their property. And Sirius would never do anything less than other couples, just because he had a dick and so did his boyfriend.