margarethale1855

[margarethale1855]

I'm getting so sad

[margarethale1855]

hello hi 

long time no write 

anyways....

I just got off the phone with Chris because he called to check in on me because guess who experienced sciatica for the first time today (it me) and had to stay home from work because I physically could not move for 5 hours this morning due to intense nerve pain (still me)

Im doing better know after following Dr. Lisa’s orders and spent most of my day watching movies and having some thoughts (tm)

beeeeeeccccaaaaussse this past weekend I actually spent more than 24 hours with Chris and I---Im---im uh fucked. I got it bad, but also I am 100 percent a baby. 

We went to dinner friday and he asked me to be my girlfriend and my dumbass immediately got worked up and nervous and ran to the bathroom to calm myself down. We laughed about it, he is much more calm about everything compared to me and the rest of dinner went fine without giving a straight answer. If anything---we laughed about it like we always do. 

Afterwards, we went back to his and then actually had an honest conversation about the situation that we are in. ((he is much better at talking than I am)) 

“You are going to vomit--but you are to beautiful, smart, talented and hands down the funniest girl I know--like you actually make me laugh.”

He talked about his last break up and I tried my best to talk about Pat---mostly I just stumbled over my words and did a small cry. It was good and healthy. And the sex afterwards was light and funny. 

The next day we went to Central Park (my idea) and the natural history museum (his idea) and afterwards we went back to fine to make nachos and watch bad student films. 

The sex that night? Different much different. He had drinking and maybe because I was a little high, but it felt---dark? I could taste the wine on his breath, and he kept pulling my hair, even choked me without being prompted too

and 

I felt scared in the good way. I got a taste of my old toxic behavior, but this time with someone I actually care for. Im not sure how i feel about it, other than I did another small cry as he held me and peeped out a small “I really care about you”

I think im falling in love and I think I should give him a straight answer. 

[margarethale1855]

Modern Western animation knows what the fuck is up

[margarethale1855]

80s Teen Dream

[margarethale1855]

Bad thoughts today

[margarethale1855]

I wanna throw up and die

[margarethale1855]

It's becoming painfully obvious that after doing shrooms and I might really like L word this person after only 2 months I hate myself

[margarethale1855]

[margarethale1855]

if you don’t remember, it will be something that never happened.

[margarethale1855]

[margarethale1855]

[margarethale1855]

[margarethale1855]

[margarethale1855]

[margarethale1855]

[margarethale1855]

[margarethale1855]

We had a very nice and very brief talk this morning around 8 am when the sun was very bright and the sky very blue

A brief paraphrase

"Hey so this isn't the best time to bring this up but last time you said April is a hard month for you and I just wanted to let you know that I'll give you as much space as you want--but I want to be there with you through the good stuff and the bad stuff"