mariatakesover

[mariatakesover]

si yo lo vi ustedes tambien

[mariatakesover]

Happiness Will Come To You.

[mariatakesover]

My sweet baby boy.

Thank you INFOLD for this hair. My favorite part of the Valentine's day event.

[mariatakesover]

Night Unending - Crossroads

7k words | Caleb helps you to escape from him. Zayne and you talk about their shared childhood. Chapter 09 of Night Unending. And beyond. 2/3

First part

Tags: Angst, Semi-Canonical Character, Fluff and Angst, Hurt No Comfort, No Smut, Possessive Behavior, mc has a name, jealously, Semi-established relationship with Zayne, I'm Sorry, the fluff is for Zayne, the angst is for Caleb, Post-Canon, shared childhood, my take on MC x Caleb x Zayn childhood, the angst is for Caleb, no proofread.

You can read it on A03.

Caleb towers me winning and watching me struggle from his high up stance, with my arms aloft and imprisoned by his large hands. I don’t stop wrestle even if I don’t win, squirming with frustration that makes me want to scream.

“Maria, I’ve always held myself back and endured. Day after day, after day. It was suffocating” the rain quickly has become a storm and a lightning strikes the sky, framing one side of Caleb’s face. “But now, I’m tired of playing these games”

The storm rumble in the living room, a sharp sound caused by the striking lighting catches the attention of Caleb for a moment and I take my opportunity to free from his grip. With all the force I gather I push him down onto the coffee table, using my foot as leverage to kick his tight between my legs making his balance to falter. His limbs are longer than mine, so I move quickly away from his reach.

I stumble while running away from the living room into my room and I grab my travel bag. There’s no time to think about Caleb monitoring my phone or not as I text Zayne the location of the building we are and make sure to pack something to protect me from the pouring rain outside. I’m hoping that Zayne hasn’t left Skyheaven by the time I’m sending the first message in days. I don’t waste time waiting for the small ‘read’ notice because I can hear Caleb’s loud steps towards my room, his room.

I can’t let him to catch me again so I maintain a large distance between us when I leave his room, moving quickly to the side when his arms are extended to reach me. Caleb may be stronger but I’m faster than him.

My guns are in the living room and it’s the only thing left I need to leave his home, so I sprint towards the center of the house, frantically searching every surface. If they're not in the living room, where they could be? Caleb won't—

“Are you looking for something?” he asks me in a cheerful tone behind my back, so fucking smug about it too. I put my bag over my shoulder, tightening the traps to my body as I slowly turn to face him. “I guess you reaaally want to leave, uh?”

I create a big gap between us, trying to remember how the furniture behind me is placed, so I won't be cornered. There's a buzz on my phone but I make my best to ignore it, never leaving my eyes from Caleb’s arms and face. I can't check the response right now; I just need a little bit of luck.

“Where did you put my guns?” I sneer at him, using the small question to search the surroundings behind Caleb, but the darkness makes it impossible to look.

“It’s pouring outside, pip-squeak” he ignores my question and cross his arms over his chest, tilting his head to the side, “Where are you gonna go? I’m the only person you know in all Skyheaven”

“You’re not”

His smile drops so fast that I’m a little amused by it; he didn't expect it and now I can fight back. Caleb's face frowns, not quite sure if he listened correctly. One of the high cards he held against me was the fact that I was utterly alone in Skyheaven, except for him. Colonel or not, he must've taken pride in being the only person I could ever rely on.

That may be truth before, when I used to tell him things Grandma shouldn't know, or when all the friends I managed to made stopped talking to me and invited me to their houses. When kids bullied me or when I had bad grades in high-school. Or when I told him how bad I wanted to be friends with the quiet kid with glasses who often ignored me when Josephine's friends came over for dinner.

“Who could you possibly run to?”

His expression was utterly out of himself, even when he laughed at the ridiculous idea of me having people in my life. His brows were fused together but his eyes were black and impossible to decipher in the darkness of the room. His body went completely stiff, his wide shoulders squared and his chin went higher, trying to keep the composure and pretending my response didn't affected the way it was affecting him right now.

Towering over me, he walks in my direction as I walk backwards with long steps. Even if he is watching me from above, it doesn't affect me anymore.

I’ve always hated how tall he grew up compared to me, with a whole gap of forty centimeters and his body the double size of mine. But, in the last few years things changed for me, I was no longer intimidated by taller people, let alone men, and my body kept developed until I end up being taller than the rest of the girls at the Academy. As a Hunter, I snatched a few centimeters extra the last two years and I also wore platform boots with the uniform.

My body also grew wider because of the constant training and now I have strong muscles and enough strength to have beaten some male collages at the last work-related dinner. It doesn't matter if Caleb was stronger, what matters is making enough time to Zayne to arrive.

Walking backwards towards the kitchen, I check the last message notification I have received. Zayne’s message is short and precise: ‘I’m on my way.’ I must've spent too much time reading it, to make sure I wasn't reading it wrong, because my back is against the isle counter. The next thing I know, my phone jumps out of my hand, suspended in midair and floats towards Caleb.

He keeps walking towards me with a predatory gaze, black eyes and obscured body frame. With the stupid uniform or without it, it was undeniable his strong and authoritarian aura. Not intimidated but certainly alert at his behavior, I've refrained from running at him for my phone. It was of no use anyways. I was counting on running in circles as long I could, making sure the predator was busy enough to forget about his own ability.

My phone floated directly towards his extended hand. Caleb grabbed it and read the same message I read. He became even more infuriated than what already was, I was able to see his eyes perfectly under the suddenly brightness of a new lighting striking the sky. The deep pools of purple were almost nonexistent, full blown shiny pupils were looking at me with the same madness and the same threating way they looked at the interrogation room. But this time, I am no longer pressed by the confused feelings I felt the first time I saw him after his own death.

I notice some strange shape on the side of his all-black sweat pants, I could swear it looks like a gun hostler. Caleb’s signature weapon is also a double wielded pistol, just like my hunter firearms. If I don’t find mines, I could use his instead.

“Oh, I see. So, this is what’d you been doing, uh?” he mutters with a large smile on his lips, half of his face is covered by my phone as he reads Zayne’s previous messages with his extended arm. He tilts his head to the side to give me some fake impressions of the incredible sweet messages I’ve received from Zayne the last few days, teasing me. “And here I thought you were out for a super-secret mission from the Hunter’s Association. You got me worried! I spent too much resources following you to make sure you were safe, but I guess it wasn’t necessary since you weren’t running to danger… you were running to a man”

His slip makes me curious about what resources he used for tracking me down every time I got out. Specially since I went numerous times to the place of the explosion to look out for Kevi and to the Hospital to keep an eye on Mia. If the Fleet had me followed, that means I guided them to Kevi. In other words, even if I didn’t meet Kevi that night and took him to Zayne, it was still my fault how he ended up living with that “Professor”. And the chip on Kevi’s body, that my fault too.

In the end, Caleb wasn’t monitoring my phone like I suspected him to do, he didn’t know about the messages Zayne sent me these days, judging from his voice raised an octave every time he read another message. He was monitoring all of my whereabouts every time I put a step out of his home, which makes me less guilty about the tracker I put on his necklace.

The situation makes me crackle.

“That’s what you been worried about?” I tease him with my arms crossed, even with our distance and smaller high difference than previous years, I look down on him like he was some fly. I muster a bit courage as I walk towards him, my new route being the door at the entrance of the house, couple of meters next to him. “That I was out with him? He was working at the Hospital, you know? It was easy to run into him every time”

His jaw clutches, the muscle on his jaw pumps under the faint light provided by the storm. The grip on my phone is so tight that I’m worried Caleb ends up breaking it in half. I’m amused by how worked up he looks, rabid like a dog, his chest raising up and down. Surely his face must’ve flushed by now, the heat flowing from his chest and neck. All of it… because I ran into Zayne a couple times? How protective he can be when I’m not longer a child, but an adult who makes her own choices? It was endearing when we were kids and some boys teased him about me, Grandma Josephine and I laughed about it every single time. In high-school, he got so mad when some guy asked me to be his date for prom. He even got mad at me for taking too much time to turn down his offer.

But I’ve never been mad at him when girls followed home after the basketball practices, or when they’d waited outside of his classroom, making it hard for other people to walk in the corridor. I’d never asked nor expected for Caleb to reject every girl’s approach to be their date for prom and instead asked me to be his date.

Never paid too much attention to it since we were always together, living under the same roof and spending almost every minute of our childhood together too. But that was a long time ago.

We aren’t kids anymore.

“What did you expect? For us to play house forever, gege?” I use the term the same way I used when we were younger, but this time he doesn’t smile and hugs me like he used to. I’m a few meters from the door and a few centimeters from him, if I raise my arm, I may be able to touch him. However, he filches at my words.

“Don’t call me that”

I take the last steps in his direction, looking at him with big eyes and my arms behind my back. I’m walking over the edge to see if he falls into my small trap. We are closer now, yet there’s a small gap between us that it needs to be closed.

His evol wraps around my body only to drag me in front of him, my arms are stiff behind my back but as I still can move my hands. I’m not fully immobilized by him. My feet slip onto the floor, my shoes making chirring sounds as I’m being moved forward until I stop in front of him. Our chests are touching and I can feel the breeze of his agitated breath in my face. Up close I can see more of his face and the dark pink on his cheeks, his mouth is open a little and the tendons of his neck are visible under the faint light.

Caleb holds my face with both of his large hands, looking down at my eyes with so many emotions in his face. He drops a long sigh before speaking.

“I keep myself for you, Maria. All those years I protected you from everyone who wanted to mistreat you” he shakes his head with disbelief, his fingers grab my face a little tighter. “I needed to keep you safe. I managed to send away everyone who wanted you, so why? Why you choose him? Of all the people you could rely on, why him?”

I place one of my hands on his larger one, stroking with my thumb his knuckles. I could feel the power of his evol slipping away from my body as I move even closer to him, wrapping on arm around his waist. It pains me so much what I’m about to do, my resolution faltering as I swallow the lump in my throat.

I have to remind myself that this isn’t a safe space.

Exploring his lower back, I caress the hard muscles softly. His eyes are still looking for an answer of me, I but I can’t come with something that won’t break him more than he already looks. Maybe the truth is the only weapon I should be wielding. My fingers seize what I’m looking for and I get ready to respond, using all the oxygen in my lungs to admit something deeply guarded in my heart for years.

“I lov— “

I hiss in pain, the hold in my face became quickly an iron grip and it hurts when I’m tossed to the side. I may have stumble, but I recover instantly with his firearm now in my hand. It seems like something’s really wrong with Caleb, even with his extremely jealous behavior there’s a strange look in his eyes I barely catch as he puts his hands on both sides of his head, grunting in pain. He shakes his head and his hair shuffles with the intensity of his movements; I put away in my belt his firearm and look at the door, now the escape route is clear.

Should I’d have been running towards the exit.

Why am I running towards him?

His strong legs seem to quiver, his knees are buckling a bit and his body trembles as he’s been electrocuted. I place one of my hands on his shoulder, unsure what to do and what to say. I called for him, almost yelling his name but he didn’t seem to listen at all. He keeps murmuring muffled things at himself that I couldn’t understand. I realized he is walking backwards too so I try to chase after him, raising my hand again to touch his face.

That seems to distract him from the pain he is enduring because snaps the moment my hand reaches his. There is a nasty change in his eyes, at first, he looked so afraid but now all I see is a murderous gaze. He uses one hand to lift me in the air, his evol is pressing down my throat and as I try to breath, gasping desperately for air while my feet are moving farther from the floor. Both of my hands are on my neck urgently making efforts to break free with from this grip but there’s nothing I can hold to.

“No—please” he cries, my vision goes hazy and I can barely see him struggle with himself. “Stay back, please”

I left out a chocked sob.

My head feels so heavy right now, I can’t keep my eyes open no matter how much I try and even my legs and arms feel numb. I don’t have any energy left to breath anymore or to unloose the deathly grasp. I could’ve use my evol to fight back, but its no use anymore and I couldn’t bear the very real danger of hurting him, since I’ve never used my own ability to shut down another evolver’s. I may not even be powerful enough to do that.

My plan was just stealing his gun and pointed at him, just in a threating way enough show him I’m serious business and to leave with something to defend myself in case I encounter new Wanderers. I never planned on actually hurting him, just I just wanted to leave.

His voice is utterly broken and raspy, like he is making a magnanimous effort to communicate with me. I’m somewhat dropped on the ground and my knees hurt at the sudden contact, gasping for air in a crazed manner, both of my hands touching my throat in reflex. I cough violently, my eyes are all watery and my neck hurts like it’s on fire. I’m so shaken by it that I stare at the ground for solid minutes while I hear he anguish sounds Caleb’s making while walking in the opposite direction of me.

I managed to sit down and start my way to him again, walking in all fours as he stumbles against one of the living cabinets. He’s moaning in pain, his eyes squeeze shut and I want to cry in despair; I’ve never seen him so damaged. But his evol pushes my far away, sliding near the door.

Looks like he is attempting to send me out of here.

Butt seeing him like this, how could I?

“Caleb…” I mutter; tears had formed in my eyes. “What’s happening?”

He tosses my phone followed by both of my Hunter firearms; hidden in the cabinet he is against and his expression changes from utterly dangerous to complete agonizing in seconds. In a split of a second, the look in his eyes truly looks like he wants to… kill me, his body reacts too attempting to stand still. But then, grunts in pain and his intense gaze changes. I recognize that part of him, because part of my Caleb is still inside him, I can see that now.

I need to reach for that Caleb.

As I stand up, with my head still heavy from the momentarily lack of air, I make one step towards him again, way more unstable I would like to. But a hand stops me.

It’s no longer Caleb’s evol the one who is pushing me away from him and in direction to the exit. Cold hands keep me in place, hugging my torso from failing and I hardly hear my own cries. I’m by the door with the deafening sound of the storm crashing the sky when Zayne gives Caleb a nod and guides me outside the building. I’m crying with such a violence that my body shakes between Zayne’s arms by the time I’m seated in his car.

My hair is all wet from the pouring rain, I’m making a mess with constant droplets falling from my drenched clothes into the leather of the car but I can’t stop crying. I’m also soaking Zayne’s clothes too, but he doesn’t seem to mind as he stokes my hair in silence.

“I need to go back” I weep, “something is wrong with Caleb, I need to help him”

“He struggling right now, if you go back, you may be in danger” Zayne argues, his voice is soft and low next to my temple. I can’t receive any type of comfort right now; I don’t deserve it. Not when he is out there suffering because of me. His own cries replay on my mind.

“We need to help him, Zayne!” I remove myself from his embrace to look at him with pleading eyes. His hazel eyes look at me with such a worried look, I don’t think I’ve ever been so affected by anything in my life. His cold fingertips reach for my shaken hands and brushes my knuckles affectionally. I can see that he is trying to negotiate with me, knowing I won’t budge easily.

“And we will. But you are in no condition to help anyone at the moment, and any further plans will endanger him too” I don’t know what Zayne means by that and he looks at my confused expression thought my tears. “If he attacks you one more time, I won’t stand aside and watch. I’ll kill him myself” he responds, ever calmly through his soft voice.

I don’t say a word of protest when he takes me away from Caleb’s home, but I do try to spy from the inside of his house with hopes of catching him by the window. It’s of no use anyways, he must’ve still been on the same spot I left him. His painful image makes me want to puke my intestines out. I do accept Zayne’s offer of coming back tomorrow with his company to see Caleb, and he adds the promise of check Caleb’s vitals to make sure he’s okay before leaving. Because tomorrow will be the last day I would be able to see him before he goes in another Deepspace mission. Knowing what I know now, even if he lied about a chip controlling him, I can’t leave him just like that.

No, I will come back tomorrow morning.

We arrived to the hotel Zayne’s staying and I get out of the in silence. He guides me to his room with short directions and opens the door for me. Inside I drop my firearms and leave my travel bag by the door before I make another mess. I walk to the bathroom and Zayne’s prepares the bathtub with steamy water, since apparently my own temperature had dropped. Lends me a dry change of clothes in the toilet and leaves me alone with my thoughts.

I don’t cry anymore, my mind is racing with all the things I’ve experimented in this short period of time, trying to make sense of all. When the water starts to get cold, I get out the tub and put warmer clothes than mine while leaving the bathroom without glancing not even one time around me. Zayne just sits in front of me, checks my pulse and my temperature, he doesn’t pry. I briefly remember about the wristband and I tell him about it, so he uses to check my wound too. He also pays extra attention to my neck, since I keep coughing from time to time and I can’t hide the pain it causes me. The skin is sore and very pink. Zayne doesn’t ask about it.

His closeness reminds me of the night when Caleb took me to his home and disinfected my wound. I want to move away from it, everything too fresh in my memory. Also, the pain.

However, his hands are complete opposites and when he touches my knee as a non-verbal confirmation that everything in my body is okay before getting up and give me space, I stop him.  I hold onto his sleeve and give him a pleading look. Zayne cups my cheek, ice cold in his fingertips and caress my chin with an affectionate but small smile. He waits. Waits for me to do something. I can push him aside, I can ask him to leave me alone, even yell at him and that won’t erupt any harsh reaction as he waits until I’m ready for the next step. Whatever that step may be.

I breath through my nose and settle the turmoil inside me for a moment as I get up and look at his green eyes, reaching for his own cheek and he melts under my touch with closed eyes and long dark eyelashes. He whines slightly in pain and I know is evol is acting up right now, making small snowflakes into his skin. I take his hand and kiss his scarred fingers melting some of those little daggers into his skin before speak.

“I’m so sorry, Zayne. Were you busy at this hour? I haven’t even asked”

“I was asleep. I have to return to Arko Hospital tomorrow, my trip got delayed because of the lockdown.” I nod, feeling guilty about mingled him in this mess. I should’ve really asked him first, or at least, replayed to some of his messages the last few days. But after I failed Kevi and Mia, I just didn’t have the energy to feel anything else than my own charged emotions and the days happened in a blur. I can barely recall what I did the days previous to the lockdown. “But, if I were on Linkon by the time you messaged me, I would’ve taken the Coelum Express in the middle of the night to fetch you”

A smile sits on my lips, tiny and shy. I nod again, but this time what I want to say is thank you.

He strokes my forehead swiftly, passing his fingers between my entangled hair and holds me by the back of my neck with such tenderness that makes me want to cry again. His thumbs draw circles onto my skin with feather-light touches. I recognize these lovely administrations like the palm of my hand, countless times he comforted me like this without utter a single word. Without demanding answers about my nightmares that got me covered in sweat and scared of my own shadow and my untamed behavior when I’m too overwhelmed.

“I’m sorry for ignoring you and out of the sudden, drag you into the weirdest family reunion ever” my useless try to humor this situation makes me feel even worse. “I just… I had none else” 

“I reckon being close with your family since we were children, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Must’ve been quite a shock for you”

I know what he means by that, and he is right. But I didn’t have much time to process Caleb’s presence at all, let alone been shocked because I got my undercover identity blown up and got sent to the interrogation room with him withing the same day, a couple minutes between both of those very dangerous situations. I still remember how scared I was, how infuriated and how confused when he was telling me what I should answer while checking for the cameras in the interrogation room.

Looking back, it seems like the Fleet knew more about me than I previously thought. Caleb mentioned about me going to the N109 Zone which also means, Operation Aether Ordeal’s information was incomplete and put me in danger the second I stepped in Skyheaven. I never stood a chance against them, maybe the Association is truly powerless under the military force of the Fleet. I should tell Captain Jenna about this when I get back to Linkon.

Super-secret missions, Spatium Core and even Ever aside, I need to see Caleb one last time before he goes into the Deepspace Tunnel for who knows how long. But the prospect of seeing him makes me sink in my place. Is truly the right decision? What if everything gets worse? What if he gets worse because I’m there?

“It was. It still is, I mean” I concede, suddenly feeling anxious.

I need to talk about this with someone.

Someone able to see my pain and sorrow for Caleb with the same value as Caleb’s own actions as Colonel of the Fleet and powerful evolver involved in something potentially more dangerous than the authoritarian military force. Seems like all the people I know would side on one thing over the other except for…

“Come, sit on the bed” Zayne guides me through the room and I obey, sitting in the border on the bed with my legs crossed. He let go my hand for a moment and comes back with a wholly blanket and places it on my shoulders, kneeling in front of me and stroking my scrapped knew with affectional touch. I take a look at his hands, the hard-working callouses and small scars in his fingers. There’s cold every time he is around, that’s what he says, but I’ve never felt warmer.

I start talking, spurting words after words without keeping vital information about what I saw except for the secret intel from the Operation Aether Ordeal, and that’s just because it has nothing to do with what worries me. I tell Zayne about the interrogation, about the man who confronted Caleb the first time he arrived to Skyheaven, about the chip on Kevi, about the “Professor” and his weird snake-looking guy who tried to kill me; I also detailed all the things I’ve noticed about Caleb’s behavior the past days, specially that reluctant force that controls him from time to time, like he was out of himself and fighting to take the control of his own body.

There’re details that won’t add to the story, so I kept it with me, like his fantasy world in where none could ever find me while he’s by my side, and his intense gaze accompanied with his dangerous threats to put a collar with a bell on my neck. I remember his hand caressing my calf and a shiver runs through my spine.

Zayne nods here and there while listening to my rant, questions will be asked at the end and I know, since doesn’t have a notepad to keep track of all the revelations, he’s paying extra attention and making metal notes. There are a couple times I noticed his expression changing from a relaxed and neutral one to a surprised and worried, but he doesn’t say anything. Probably just waiting for the right moment to leave some comments about certain topics, but his stance is a professional one and not the truly relaxed and calm he uses with me. So, that means is Dr. Zayne the one listening to all the small details about Caleb’s condition from my memory.

At the end, I feel extremely worn out and all the muscles around my mouth are sore from the constant chatter. I glimpse Zayne’s amused smile at my experimental stretches and massages on my jaw and I stop dead in my tracks. He may be a cardiologist and no a physio, but I’m pretty sure I’m doing something wrong with my face and he knows it but doesn’t want to say it. The heat flows and sits on my cheeks as I look down; I vaguely think with pride on my chest that his smile isn’t something the professional doctor would do, so I managed to break past his walls and found him in the end.

“From what I gather, he does seem to be in a complex and frail mental state. Do you know what happened to Caleb from the explosion to the moment you saw him again?” I shake my head and he hums. “Its not wise to allude directly to a chip controlling him since we don’t have tangible evidence or know how it works. However, I do think it can be the cause for this erratic behavior. He must’ve been in a lot of pain to hurt you, out of himself even”

“Have you seen some of this possession and obsessive behavior when we were children?”

He lets a small laugh.

“If you are asking me if I think a younger Caleb would so any of those things, I answer is no. But I’m not exactly surprised to lean about his devoted care for you and your safety”

“What do you mean?” Caleb used to be my favorite person in the world back when we were kids, but I never thought of him as my ultimate protector since he spent a lot of time around too many people, always the center of attention.

His charm was undeniable and he often held conversation with a lot of kids younger and older than him, specially when he became the basketball star in middle school. I’ve always tried to walk home by myself to avoid making him wait for me outside class or talk to me too much after his games cause girls often bullied me for his attention. So, when we were at home, I become much happier with being by his side.

We used to be friends, Caleb, Zayne and I before Zayne went to middle school earlier than us and stopped coming home to visit with his parents. After that, my teens years blend into a blur of responsibilities and extra-curriculum activities as president of my class every single year. Caleb and I spent most our free time watching movies and playing together, he often helped me with my homework since he was smarter and older than me. I remember feeling so dumb around him and knowing that Zayne was even further in his education, studying to become a doctor while I was struck on algebra and calculus.

“Caleb was always open to make friends and because of it, he had tons of different social circles. But none compared to you” I roll my eyes at the remark; I vividly remember how many social circles he had every time we walked to the school. People gather around him, in awe of his spectacular presence and charming personality, fighting for a space by his side. It made it difficult to walk, literally.

For me at least, since I wasn’t the center of attention, people pushed me out and I often stumble my way to class. Always got Caleb worried and he offered me to beat the shit out of the people who mistreated me, but I turned him down every time. I didn’t want to see someone hurting him, let alone for me. The outstanding student involved in fights wasn’t something Granma would approve either. And I would be my fault, even if Caleb didn’t say a word.

I guess I was the only one standing in the way of him becoming my ultimate protector.

“I think that’s why we tolerate each other so much, even after parting ways. He used to talk about you all the time, but didn’t let anybody go near you” Zayne’s voice dragged me out of my memories and I got a little startle by it. It also surprised me to know that they keep in touch. “He used to lie about you not being at home and Josephine scolded him for it. He often tried to discouraged me to be friends with you since I was much older”

“I thought you were friends with each other too” Zayne lets out a small chuckle, my statement sounded like a joke to him and I can’t help to wonder why. Both of them always seemed to be good friends in front of my eyes, at Zayne’s standards at least. Which is saying a lot.

“At first, yeah. But, as a child, making friends wasn’t a priority in my life. I was perfectly content by being at my own. I ignored him most of the time. However, you…” there is a light blush in his cheeks and his ears are red at the confession, he cannot see me directly anymore. “You kept coming back. I think you won me over with your silently approach and my parents loved you instantly. Caleb used to rant hours about you I would just… listen”

I smile briefly at the memory, at Zayne’s memory of our short-shared childhood. He was indeed older than us, he is older than Caleb too, but never took any particular interest that I couldn’t be part of. We liked to draw together and he used to read a lot, so I sit next to him in silence. That’s I used to be fond of, the calm and collected little Zayne with his glasses and extremely short answers. The adults were boring as they talked about things kids weren’t allowed to know and Caleb was very popular with the kids on the block, so he was outside playing basketball with them; even when he invited me to play, the others kids didn’t really like the prospect of playing with a little girl.

So, Zayne was the best option. He didn’t pay me too much attention at first, always focused on a different book but there were times when I asked things out loud and he responded. He had a lot of patience with me, specially when I asked topics where the response was way more serious and complex than expected. If I didn’t understand at first, I got really upset.

“I didn’t know you had a soft spot for me, Dr. Zayne” I playfully elbow his side.

“You can be very oblivious sometimes”

I nod, it’s not the first time he calls out my unawareness and borderline silliness. Sounds like a joke, but I know it’s true. If I’ve paid more attention to the things around me, maybe I would avoid certain major events from happen. Maybe I could’ve recalled all of those memories when Caleb was alongside me and when he left me alone so others kids won’t disturb me or got near me. Coming to think of, he was very protective of me, even with Granda or Zayne. I think I just didn’t mind it, having to grow so accustomed by it; it was like a second nature for both of us.

It's certainly a huge difference his overprotective self when he was young, but older than me, than now. I trusted his judgement since he was my most reliable and only friend. But know, it’s due past my time to make my own decisions and come up with my own conclusions. Ever since he started to be part of the DAA, he often kept things from me. Even the harmless ones. I barely know anything about him prior his official death.

What happened that day, why he insisted on accompanied me when I left the house, why he wanted to go to the convenience store for vinegar but came empty handed. Why he entered first to our house and what happened afterwards. How he was officially recorded as deceased when no body was to be found since he is very much alive. What happened to Grandma, why she died and I didn’t. How he became Colonel and how long he has been in the Deepsapce Tunnel with the Fleet. What’s with his erratic and frankly scary behavior, his over-the-top obsession with keeping me safe, his authoritarian façade and his alliance with shady people like the “Professor” who keeps a child kidnapped and brainwashed.

Most importantly, what happened to him? To my childhood best friend, my shoulder to lean on and my most loyal family member? I know he is in there, but I can’t reach out for him. There’s layers and walls protecting him from my grasp. And when I was sure I saw in those eyes something similar to the expressions he used to have with me, even if I was making him crazy about implying my non-existent relationship with Zayne in the process, he went over the rails and choked me.

But also begged me to leave.

I hardly recall Zayne rising from the bed and looking for something in the room, near the entrance. When he comes back and sits again next to me, he lends me my phone.

The glass is still wet from the heavy rain and there’s a crack in the screen. Other than that, works perfectly well as lights up and shows me Zayne’s messages. Caleb read some of them with such rage and mockery, practically ridiculing me for having those texts.

A new text-bubble draws my attention, I don’t recall send him a double message.

“Caleb sent me the password of main door, I believe he wanted you to go before something worse would happen” Zayne murmurs solemn. The last message sent to Zayne was a rushed combination of numbers and the exact floor of Caleb’s house. Something I didn’t thought I would’ve important to mention I the heat of the moment. I also don’t think I would’ve been able to recall with precision. “That’s why I’m sure he’s beyond of himself. Even as a little kid, he would give his right arm instead of hurting you”

I absent-mindedly caress the cracked screen with my thumb and I gasp in pain. A small bristle of glass cuts through my skin in one of the corners of my phone. It stings, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t draw blood.

It doesn’t go unnoticed by my attentive doctor as he inspects my thumb and uses the flash of his own phone to check on me. Feeling the torment of my commotional state, the tears are about to fall again.

“I need to see him”

“I know” he doesn’t seem surprised at my words.

“Would you take to him?”

“Yes”

I breath in profound relief. With the heavy storm outside, it would be very hard to find a cab willing to take me to Caleb’s house. The wait time would’ve risen up to an hour minimum for a normal ride and the fee would’ve also grown higher.

It’s also in the middle of the night.

But I won’t be able to sleep at all if I don’t see him one last time before he goes into that mission. I can’t leave him like that. He can’t go first this time. I won’t let him to do the same twice.

I won’t let him sacrifice himself again.

Zayne holds my hands; his big hand almost covers both of mine. I turn my body to face him entirely and his lovely hazel eyes meet mine. I stare at him for a while, his ears redden as time passes and I smile fondly at his shy conduct so different from his stoic demeanor. Without giving him time to process, I close the distance between us and I give him a small kiss on his cheek. My nose brushes against the side of his face, freshly shaved and always soft.

“Thank you, Zayne”

[mariatakesover]

this too shall pass

[mariatakesover]

Night Unending - Captive bird

6k words | Caleb's sure he can protect you from everything because that's what you need, doesn't matter if that's not want you want. Chapter 09 of Night Unending. And beyond. 1/3

Second part

Tags: Angst, Semi-Canonical Character, Fluff and Angst, Hurt No Comfort, No Smut, Possessive Behavior, mc has a name, jealously, Semi-established relationship with Zayne, I'm Sorry, the fluff is for Zayne, the angst is for Caleb, no beta reader.

You can read it on A03.

“Come here. Playing hide-and-seek now? Did you really think you wouldn’t be noticed?” Caleb’s eyes look like he’s expecting something, probably for me to stick to his side the moment he asked me to and closing our distance. I don’t think this ship has enough space for the distance I want to put between us. He speaks again “there are eyes in every nook and cranny. Does it look like you can escape?”

I have to bite my response right away. When I’m outnumbered like right now, I can’t really say want I want, specially not in front of the Colonel of the Farspace Fleet. He’s not Caleb anymore. He’s not my Caleb at least. My eyes aren’t my mouth so I can glare at him all I want. But this fight won’t be victorious for my silence, so bite a response.

“You were brave to enough to bring me to HQ. That means no matter how’s suspicious of me…” I take one step further to his direction, looking at this face for a reaction “You’ll have my back, right?”

Flashbacks of our shared childhood are threating me with its weight and installs a lump in my throat. I can’t afford showing how much this is affecting me. I can’t think of the pain this is causing me, not when I’m still in enemy territory. He stares at me for a long time. And then, he laughs. For some reason, an ominous feeling washes over me. I open my eyes in surprise gasping for the freedom in my body that I don’t have since Caleb’s evol is griping my body still.

“Let go of me!” I yell from the top of my lungs, the fear and anxiety that his evol in my body gives me makes my breathing erratic and I can feel my blood rushing hot in my veins.

The noise of my words doesn’t make anyone suspicious enough to pluck their heads and watch the scene, there’s none in this aisle, and if there were none will interfere. Enemy territory.

“You wanna go home, right? I’ll take you there now” Caleb’s voice sounds exactly like I remember but lacks the warmth in his tone.

As I am taking away from the aisle without having the strength to protest, which won’t be of use since I can’t really move aside from my head to look at the sides, I think of his words. Home? His empty and lonely house is not a home. It’s not my home. My home is in Linkon now, my apartment. Since the only home I knew blew up in pieces.

From the Farspace Fleet’s headquarters to his home, Caleb remains silent. I can bear to look at his profile while he drives so I close my eyes hoping this would make the drive shorter. At some moment while we are heading towards his house, he lets go of me and I bit back the desire to run away the moment the lock in the door of his car is lifted.

As I walk towards his department, I pay attention to my surroundings just in case I need to escape and hide for a moment. I can’t hide close to the building since his evol would help him to locate me in an instant. I need my phone; I need to bear this enough to get back to Linkon and never go back. The moment we enter his house; my stomach drops in fear. Click. The door is now locked. Just like when the door of my room was locked as well. The anger sits on my stomach and replaces the fear.

“This is what you mean by ‘safe and sound’?” I can’t help the bitterness in my tone.

Caleb is quickly in front me, as usual I try to study his expressions at my words but I find it harder this time. Sometimes it feels like his eyes are truly empty. Lowering his gaze, he says nothing. Following his gaze, I find the wound on my knee has reopened.

“Doesn’t it hurt?”

I’m not in tune with my body right now, I don’t think I feel pain at the moment. But I keep quiet.

He’s approaching me and I panic. I look at his face, his beautiful face with concerned expression for me even though he is also mad at me. I try to cling to his care and concern for me, the same care he always showed me when we were children. However, being close to him now makes me sink in fear.

“Answer my question first, Caleb!”

He suddenly picks me up and walks into the living room. I try to escape from his grip, from his worried purple eyes, furrow eyebrows, from him. We fight a little; he doesn’t want me to let me go and I can’t help to think that this small fight looks exactly like my current situation in Skyheaven. When we were children, he often let me win and do whatever I please as long I wasn’t putting myself in danger, all I needed to do was look at his eyes with pleading expression. There’s no time for that anymore.

I put a hand on his wrist, trying to remove his warm hand from me. Even now, taller and stronger than I am ever will, he surpasses me easily. I’m still wearing the nurse uniform and makes me feel extremely uncomfortable under his intense gaze. I need my gun, my uniform, something powerful enough to make me feel safe.

“Sit first. We need to tend to your wound” as he reaches the first aid kit I bark a response.

“Is the Colonel ordering me around? Or is Caleb worried about me?” he kneels in front of me.

Sometimes I feel like if I keep talking, I will burst in tears from the frustration but I just can’t shut up.

Caleb ignores my words as if I’m talking nonsense, as I’m just saying things to rail him up. When he doesn’t respond I move my knee and try to stand up pushing my hands under the sofa. That gives him a reaction has he puts his big hand under my kneecap only to keep me there so he can inspect the wound. But I don’t have time for this.

I try to move my leg again, now with more force and he pins me by my knee with his hand. I can feel the strength of his holding through the slight strain in my muscles as I keep fighting silently to break free, forgetting the nuisance of his evol if I do break free at some point. I manage to lift my foot and raise again my leg before he puts me in place again and speaks.

“Do you remember that injured cat you brought back home? Back when we were kids” the sound of the first aid kit being unlocked reaches my ears and I absent-mindedly think how hard I would need to hit him on his jaw for he to leave me alone. Caleb places gauze and a small batch of Iodine on the sofa next to my thigh and in a quick movement unclasp it and dips the gauze onto the liquid. “We keep it in the backyard. But that cat always kept trying to run away before it fully recovered” he has the gauze ready on a clipper to apply it on my wound.

It may seem like he was talking about the cat, reminiscing old shared memories but the tone of his voice as well the intense look in his eyes made me burst into red hot anger once more. He waits for a moment before speak again. I feel like I’m being reprimanded and I hate every second of it. This time, I was the injured cat.

“I don’t want to listen to this”

Aggressively, I smack his hand away and lift my leg to stand up.

This cat would keep trying to run away.

Takes half of a second, his evol embraces my body and keeps me freeze in the air, my leg is still raised in the tenth attempt to leave. Caleb’s gaze is stern and dangerous as he leans over my body in his kneel position, my knee bumps against his hard chest and for a moment seems like he forgot about my wound in the rush of his own anger. The embroidery on his uniform jacket stings on my injury.

“Do you want to know what I did in response?” No. I don’t want to listen to this person. My Caleb’s gone, and this image in front of me has little traces of him. Not enough for me to trust, not enough for me to believe in him. Caleb’s smile is on his lips but it doesn’t reach his eyes. Then he treats my wound with soft strokes. “I got a collar with a bell. I put it on the cat. That way, it couldn’t escape without being nosy”.

His intense eyes and the way the words linger in the silence of the room made me want to shiver in response. I could see it in those purple eyes, this is a threat. I am the noisy cat. But I don’t have a collar on my neck, I’m completely paralyzed by a gravitational evol that keeps me in place. Even when he’s done treating my wound I still can’t move. For some reason, seems like I can’t speak either, even tough his not holding my tongue, all my body becomes rigid, waiting for the next move.

Caleb drops the gauze next to me.

“If I had that kind of bell right now…” his hand is running on my leg. I can feel the callouses on his fingers, and the roughness of his thumb on my skin. The heat of his own skin is too much for me. Almost suffocating. I haven’t felt a hand this warm on my body in a while, only the coolness of powerful and skilled hands over me. Some organ in my body reacts to it, the goosebumps are all over the place. This could’ve been a soft stroke, like when we were kids and I needed the sweet comfort of my stepbrother best friend every time we fought. Caleb’s fingers clasp my ankle placing my foot on the floor and then looks at me with a powerful gaze “I should make you wear it, right?”, he asks.

This touch feels different. This is wrong. I don’t want to be here. I am scared. Theres so much danger out there, but right now this place feels the most threating one.

My lungs remember to function and the oxygen fills my chest as a try to say something in response, anything really. Just to keep him happy, or a least content so his evol is off my body soon. I can’t think any response on any world where I would agree with him.

“Is this how’ll you “protect” me? I just need to be glued by your side?” I clench my fist and respond with gritted teeth. He releases my body from his evol and the weight of my own muscles being stiff for a too long moment drops onto me.

Don’t run. No yet.

“I know. It’s unfair, but…”

Caleb takes my hand and puts a wristband on my wrist. He doesn’t seem regretted at all. With a faint click the wristband locks and starts analyzing my body with its scan, showing the display in its little screenless display. On it appears the words “Infection Risks” in white caps and there is highlighted different parts of my body with important information as well recommendations and records of the number of things on my blood. “Because of that monster, your wound is infected”.

I think of the girl who attacked me. How scared she was. How reluctant was to even come close to me in case she would end up attacking me, which she did. But it doesn’t seem like she was there anymore. Similar to a Wanderer, every person who chase me didn’t seem like they want to hurt me. I remember small glimpses of their faces in pain, regret, sorrow and something powerful enough to disfigure them.

And the Farspace Fleet killed them. They’ve been doing that for gods know how long. While others were trying to help them, to prevent the loss of their humanity, the Fleet took the matter in their own hands and just killed them all. And the order was given by… by their Colonel.

I can’t help to think about Mia. About Kevi. I know what the report said, but I can’t help to think that Caleb has something to do with the death of a child. And Kevi’s suspicious adoption with the “Professor”, his erractic behavior. The chip device on him. Even if Caleb himself has a chip on him too, my Caleb will never hurt a child. Let alone arrange her death and cover the tracks, and put another child in danger.

The image of Caleb playing dumb at Mia’s funeral and making a sign peace on his own grave replays on my mind. I have to remember myself every time I think about my Caleb, that person is gone. All I have left is this uneasy feeling of guilt. Should I’ve have done something different? Make him wait for me outside the house? I could’ve saved him. Not Granma Josephine though. The explosion was more likely to happen anyways, but I can’t accept it. Maybe I it should’ve been me who died at the explosion.

That way, the aether core in my heart won’t cause trouble around me, everyone would’ve been happier…

His hand still on my wrist yanks me back to reality, “is there truly a way for you to run around without getting injured?”

His playful demeanor is long gone. I can’t imagine his lovely and carefree face with his sweet eyes now. All I see is this steely stare, his furrow chestnut brows and his stupid Colonel uniform. Nothings seems like him anymore. I wonder if that another Caleb that I’ve loved and I’ve known was actually there to being with.

I break free from his grip, the anger I was trying to keep cool starts to boil again.

“Are you still the Caleb who confronted danger with me?”

I know the answer, why I’m still asking the same questions?

He lets a low grunt at my remark, unable to came up with a response. Seems like I’m winning over here but I can’t look at him anymore.

“I’ve had enough of your ‘protection’” I tsk in annoyance.

For some reason, my words seem to hit home. The hands that previously held me in place against the sofa are now clenched. He lets a small sound of surrender and lower his head, thinking about all I said with tight jaw, and the muscle there bumps slightly over the skin. With a big exhale, Caleb gives up even when he’s not agreeing with it. And I know he doesn’t agree with it.

Maybe the Colonel realized he won’t keep the cat in his backyard for long.

Closing his eyes, and accepting the defeat, lets a long exhale before speaking again, “If being with me only brings you pain, the just put up with this for three more days”, and with that he gets up, carrying the first aid kit with him.

“What are you going to do?” I can hear my own voice flatter.

His stance is a powerful one, the perfect posture and his stupid uniform against the dark exterior in his gigantic windows makes me squirm.

“Tie up some loose ends” He doesn’t turn around, only the darkened side of his face is what he offers me. “And then… All of this will be over. I just need three more days”.

Caleb exits the living room without looking back before I can inquiry the reason why he would need three days. Always keeping me in the dark, I fear for his new orders. I’m not used to fear someone who once I love so deeply and the feeling sits on my stomach like a black hole. But I can’t fight against it and win.

He will let me go back to Linkon in three days, it’s not soon enough for me but I’ll make it work.

It has to work.

The last three days in Skyheaven, its citizens were in total lockdown. I also made a lockdown myself by staying in my room all day with the door locked. Caleb tried to enter a few times but I never unlocked the door, so he just stood there, outside my room trying to talk with me about anything. His voice friendly and warm at times, and stern and serious at others. He grew fond of my silence, the only indicator that I was inside the room was the fucking tacker I had in my wristband and the constant monitoring of my body with its scan. At one point, he just accepted my cold shoulder and stopped only in the afternoon with a heavy food tray, leaving it by my doorstep.

I didn’t want to eat it at first, too prideful to even recognize that I was starving. But I had no longer the vial in my arm and my stomach grumble quite often in the silence of the room, so the wisest decision was to eat what Caleb had prepared for me. Wasn’t an easy choice, to be honest. I’ve always loved his food; he usually baked goods for Grandma and I, specially on our birthdays. With him, every special occasion came with delicious food and a wonderful smell enough to wake up the stomachs of the whole neighborhood as soon he learned how to cook. And he loved to make my favorite dishes almost every day, knowing that I won’t grow bored of it.

Eating now my favorite dishes felt like a chore, like a punishment.

The night I was supposed to meet Kevi and take him back to safety, the night I failed Mia and Kevi, I had fever and slept the whole night, but I’m not longer sure that was the only reason for my mistake. Afterall, Caleb gave me medicine for the cold and advised me not to interfere anymore. Knowing what I know now, there is a real chance of those meds made me dozed off my mission and ignoring all the calls in my phone.

Every bite of my food made me wary of my own behavior, afraid of closing my eyes and be knock out for the rest of the lockdown. So I used the wristband to check my vitals with frantic rhytm.

My body wasn’t on tune with my head, wanting to eat more as I taste the plates. I needed to be strong enough to leave this place and be ready to fight if something goes wrong, but I also felt an immense weight on my shoulders every time I woke up. Like I was already giving up before the duel.

Inside the room, I didn’t sleep on the bed. It was his bed after all and I couldn’t bear the feeling of being close to him anymore. The floor became more and more easy to sleep the more I spend lying there with all the bedding and blankets I put. The nights in Skyheaven were cold, and the room often felt humid and chilly, making me sweat even when the temperatures had dropped. I was used to the cold, I liked it. Linkon had a warmer climate and I often struggle with the heat the buildings around mine expel at night, but I never have so many issues with it when he was around. His cold hands and body always neutralized my own heat, and his arms were comfortable enough to sleep countless of hours without guilt.

How much I miss my doctor.

I didn’t respond to his messages, suspicious of Caleb monitoring my phone. He called a few times, but I couldn’t find the courage to pick up with my hoarse voice and the prominent tears about to fall like a dam the moment I hear his voice. Probably thinking I was still busy with the mission, even if there was nothing to recover now, no Kevi, no spatio protocore, Zayne sent me photos if his day and small messages about Grayson and Yvonne asking him about me or his encounters with the pediatric patients, the cats he met on his way home and the small gadgets I gifted him on his desk. I read all of them with heavy heart.

Hazel eyes and small smiles only for me, the beautiful snowflakes on his hands when he gets excited, the cold tips of his fingers when he touches my cheeks, his unbelieve sweet tooth and the crisp feeling of his lips against my skin. My chest ached every night thinking about him.

I should’ve called Zayne. Asked him to help me to escape of Skyheaven, but then Caleb would know about our close relationship, if he didn’t knew already monitoring my phone, and I may put him in danger. A doctor, no matter how good at fighting Wanderers and how powerful his evol was, was no match for the Farspace Fleet and his Colonel.

So I endure the days, convincing myself that Caleb won’t turn back onto his word.

I heard the news playing in the living room, the faint sound of the reporters talking about the lockdown and how the Farspace Fleet took care of everything, assuring to the public that the explosion in the Cascade District won’t happen again. I can’t help to think they were the direct responsible for that explosion and the deaths of Kevi’s parents, and then, Mia too. But my suspicious were only ideas without the proper evidence, so when I get back to Linkon maybe I should tell Captain Jenna the truth. I wonder how much should I tell her, the only person who knew about this mission and the spatio protocore… which I lost.

I’ll suck it up, this is already over. It’s been three days; I will manage when I got back to work. Even if I have to come up with a tremendous story about my vacations in Skyheaven to not raise suspicions.

The solitary confinement seems to made me loose some of my resolve, as I pace into the living room where Caleb is, wearing his casual outfit and not his stupid uniform. He lowers the volume of the tv when he hears me coming.

“After all this is over… The Fleet will return to the Deepspace tunnel. You’ll be safe. For now.”

“In other words, you’ll just disappear again? And not even say anything?” I hate how desperate I sound, pleading for something. I don’t know what I want, what I want to hear? An apology? Some reason for his erratic, mysterious and scary behavior?

Maybe I don’t want to lose him again.

But then again, who is the person in front of me?

“I’ll be gone” he says, “aren’t you happy that you won’t have to see me then?” I can hear him groan at his own words. Like I’m just a child too stubborn to hear reasons and this is a completely normal situation where he is correct and I’m wrong. But I’m not the one with shady prospects.

For some reason he thinks that because I’m standing in front of him and I asked some question everything is fine once more, because he reaches for my arm and tries to take me with him to the kitchen, “I’m about to leave. It’d be nice if we had a meal together”.

I don’t think I could bear eat something by his side, with every bite heavy on my stomach as I wonder if my plate has some drug on it. I don’t want to raise suspicious that I know that, playing dumb is the safe option for me, but I can’t pretend that nothing is wrong. Caleb could easily read my face. I don’t want him to see how afraid truly am.

I yank my arm from him.

“So, I have to listen to the Colonel even when it comes to eating and drinking now?”

Caleb’s face drops, my words have hurt him. It stings me too, no matter how mad I am at him, no matter how dangerous he is now, his face looks like the kid who always defended me from bullies and hugged me when something made me cry.

How deceitful that look can be.

What baffles me too is how surprised is about my reaction, like for three days he wasn’t able to at my face for some miraculous reason that has nothing to do with him. I sit down in the sofa, creating a space between us that I desperately need.

He’s quick in front of me like three days ago, this time Caleb sits on the small table. I don’t look at his face, I don’t think I can keep doing it feeling like my heart breaks every time I do it. “You can be mad, but don’t let it affect your health” his right hand has a big red apple he offers me silently.

“I’m not mad”

I hear him drop a long sigh.

Does he think I’m a rebellious teenager? Why he keeps pretending to care about my safety, like he wasn’t one of the biggest threats?

I don’t need a serious talk. I’m not a child anymore, and our age difference is null now.

“Growing up, we knew each other so well. Better than most, even” the sweet tone in his voice is just like I remember. The safe, secretly, just for me, type of tone he used in the interrogation room; the first moment we have together since his death. “I could see through your lies when you’d blink. Bite your lip, and I could tell you were upset”.

How come I can’t see through his now?

Was this his attempt to calm my nerves, to sooth my fears?

I look up, directly to his purple eyes, darkened by the low lights in the living room. His hand is still toying with the apple. When we make eye contact, there isn’t any animosity nor sternness in his eyes. Caleb truly feels what he’s saying, reminiscing about the past. About our past, our childhood. His brows aren’t furrow like they used to be, his expression is soft… and sad.

There’s a hint of a smile in the corner of his lips. But it’s not a happy smile, but a nostalgic and sorrow one.

Feels like I’m being laughed at, with this constant mood changes. I won’t let him to manipulate me.

“In that case. Tell me, what am I thinking right now?” my words are sour against my tongue, but I can’t stop now. “I wonder. How did you turn into someone I hardly recognize?”

He laughs at my implications.

“Oh, I know. You’re thinking some chip got put into my brain, right? And now, I’m no longer who I used to be” Caleb scoffs. I see a fucking smile on his lips, laughing at the insinuation. Drops the apple again on the table he sits and looks at me so goddamn smug about what I need a ton of courage to put into words.

I don’t remember mentioning my suspicious about the chip on Kevi with him, but his half-mock response I what I need to confirm it. I mean, I’ve seen Kevi struggling to even remember her sister, but I just didn’t want to believe it. A chip can do that, alter someone’s personality and memories onto whatever the one pushing the bottoms want. I also try to ignore the fact I’ve seen Caleb on that mansion, talking with the Professor. And with the snake-looking man too, the one who tried to kill me.

My brother Caleb wouldn’t laugh at something that brings me so much pain. At something that is hurting me. Then again, that person is in the graveyard with his name on stone. Even if they look similar, I have to remind myself time and time again, he is gone.

“What if I told you I was always like this?”

The tears reach my eyes.

His hand cups my check and I choke on a shaky breath.

This can’t be.

No.

My chest feels so heavy right now, I don’t think I’m breathing correctly as my chest rises with such force I might be having a panic attack.

I’ve been convincing myself that those unspeakable things Caleb did or order to do was because he was no longer who he used to be, that this was another person, with the same voice, the same eyes and the same body. That the explosion changed him completely, his own death didn’t bring back his old-self but create a new one under different circumstances. That maybe Ever got him under its power, and create someone horrible but capable of enduring what it needed to be done. Or the Farspace Fleet was shadier than I previously thought, corrupted and essentially evil, as they wield power over the Deepspace Tunnel without asking for permission or offering explanations of their own plans.

That maybe, Caleb’s actions were justified because he was out of himself, because they brain-washed him, controlled him, put a chip on him…

He rises up on an instant, ignoring the way I’m losing my mind at this revelation and towering myself with his body. Seemly to know I would try to escape from his grasp, he places his hand on the backrest of the sofa, his arm is next to my face, caging my body with his, “your life has threats around every corner”.

I look for his eyes, for lies on them. I need to see that he doesn’t mean what he just said.

“The people who are after your power, who wanna hurt you—they should all just… disappear” there’s such a looming darkness in his eyes when he says that, madly committed to it. In the blink of an eye, the expression has changed into something utterly different; he smiles at me, his gaze softens as he was trying to consoling me. “You’re only safe when you are by my side”

Tears make my vision go hazy as I try to fight them from falling.

“I’d rather face danger head-on than “safely” live like this! I don’t need you—” even caged between his arms, I raise my back straight and tilt my chin up as I hollo with gritted teeth. I put a hand on his chest and try my best to push him away from me.

Caleb doesn’t look concerned at all by my words as he finds the situation funny enough to slip a sneering laugh.

“You don’t need me? Is that what you think?” he scoffs. I can’t find the right words because my mind goes blank the moment he grabs me by the hand that was trying to push him off. His strength surpasses mine with ease but I don’t stop wrestling his willpower over me even when he locks my arm above my head. “All right. What do you need? You can tell me”

His knee is between my legs and his left arm is placed onto the sofa next to me, his full body weight is being used to restrain me. I hit his left arm with my free hand but I don’t have the energy to actually hurt him in an attempt of breaking free. I can’t stop the tears as they fall from my cheeks, leaving small, but full of desperation, sobs. I gave up on my fruitless attempt to move his arm from me and now my hand rest on his bicep.

“We can return to Linkon if that’s what you want” he continues, “if you want to return to the past, we’ll rebuild our old house and move in together. And if one house isn’t enough, I’ll build you a whole maze”

I hear the faint sound of the rain outside, the low rumble of lighting.

And the charged plea on his lips.

“I’ll decorate it with everything you could ever want. It will be the most beautiful, stunning garden you’ve ever seen” he cups my wet cheek, utterly lost in his impossible fantasy. I try to resist to look at his eyes, feeling the pain of knowing I can’t give what he wants, I can’t fulfill his fantasy; but his force wins me at the end when he guides my head and bumps his forehead with mine. “No one will be able to find you ever again. I’ll protect you forever”

I try to push him once more, barely making the effort. His face… he truly believes what’s he’s saying. His eyes are too soft, too glazed in daydreams.

I need to put a stop to this.

This is not real.

And his dream for me… Is not what I want.

It breaks my heart. I feel a massive ache as I try to keep the composure I need to end this wild fantasy, and seems like I have carved a hole in my heart with it. It’s like I’m bleeding, losing blood and losing him. Again.

“Caleb” I mutter softly, “you can’t just…”

I take a big breath before speak again, but even the way I inhale shakes. I close my hand over his heart, on his chest. “You are very important to me. And no one could ever replace you…” I find myself mumbling an apology for something I don’t even know it existed.

I’m rejecting his dream with me even if it destroys me.

I don’t want to hurt him, can’t bear become the reason for his hatred. But this dream sounds like a nightmare to me.

Hopefully, Caleb scoffs and doesn’t look as sorrowful I was expecting him to look.

“Really?” ask sardonic, seizing my left arm with a force I didn’t think he would’ve able to use with me. His fingers wrap around my wrist and inflict numb pain making me groan in anguish; I struggle to stand up, his full body weight fighting back to keep me on the sofa. Caleb’s movements are so harsh that he ends up kick the small table and all the apples fall from the plate above the surface, bouncing slightly onto the carpet floor.

Caleb towers me winning and watching me struggle from his high up stance, with my arms aloft and imprisoned by his large hands. I don’t stop wrestle even if I don’t win, squirming with frustration that makes me want to scream.

“Maria, I’ve always held myself back and endured. Day after day, after day. It was suffocating” the rain quickly has become a storm and a lightning strikes the sky, framing one side of Caleb’s face. “But now, I’m tired of playing these games”

[mariatakesover]

The cruelty of racist white men.

[mariatakesover]

I need him SO BAD

More under the cut!

I feel like there's no enough photos of videos of this. I need this cutscene being tattooed on my eyelids

[mariatakesover]

when e.e. cummings said “i’ll live my life if it kills me”

[mariatakesover]

Senators are going to vote on whether or not we should continue to send aid to Israel on Wednesday, November 13th. Call them, bombard their phone lines with calls. Every fucking day. We have a chance of doing something about this.

[mariatakesover]

Sylus memory, dark-skinned MC.

I tried to make one of this banners just to see if I could.

Hope you like it

[mariatakesover]

Hello!!! I don't make any content but I will share some of my cards (and others cards) with the mc edited as a poc woman cause I can! Love to see POC MC <3

I'm a f2p gamer so I don't have much hehehe

IF YOU'RE A BLACK LADS FAN, MAKE SOME NOISE‼️‼️‼️

Appreciation post for my fellow Black LaDS fans. Show off your pretty MCs in the Reblogs!! (+ with your fave) Let's engage with each other and follow each other!! Let's help each other be seen!!! Share your content, whether it's LaDS related or not, or NSFW or SFW, Fanart, Fanfiction, Renders, etc!!

[mariatakesover]

I haven't seen anyone talk about what's going on in Córdoba

[mariatakesover]

⭐ So you want to learn pixel art? ⭐

🔹 Part 1 of ??? - The Basics!

Hello, my name is Tofu and I'm a professional pixel artist. I have been supporting myself with freelance pixel art since 2020, when I was let go from my job during the pandemic.

My progress, from 2017 to 2024. IMO the only thing that really matters is time and effort, not some kind of natural talent for art.

This guide will not be comprehensive, as nobody should be expected to read allat. Instead I will lean heavily on my own experience, and share what worked for me, so take everything with a grain of salt. This is a guide, not a tutorial. Cheers!

🔹 Do I need money?

NO!!! Pixel art is one of the most accessible mediums out there.

I still use a mouse because I prefer it to a tablet! You won't be at any disadvantage here if you can't afford the best hardware or software.

Because our canvases are typically very small, you don't need a good PC to run a good brush engine or anything like that.

✨Did you know? One of the most skilled and beloved pixel artists uses MS PAINT! Wow!!

🔹 What software should I use?

Here are some of the most popular programs I see my friends and peers using. Stars show how much I recommend the software for beginners! ⭐

💰 Paid options:

⭐⭐⭐ Aseprite (for PC) - $19.99

This is what I and many other pixel artists use. You may find when applying to jobs that they require some knowledge of Aseprite. Since it has become so popular, companies like that you can swap raw files between artists.

Aseprite is amazingly customizable, with custom skins, scripts and extensions on Itch.io, both free and paid.

If you have ever used any art software before, it has most of the same features and should feel fairly familiar to use. It features a robust animation suite and a tilemap feature, which have saved me thousands of hours of labour in my work. The software is also being updated all the time, and the developers listen to the users. I really recommend Aseprite!

⭐ Photoshop (for PC) - Monthly $$

A decent option for those who already are used to the PS interface. Requires some setup to get it ready for pixel-perfect art, but there are plenty of tutorials for doing so.

Animation is also much more tedious on PS which you may want to consider before investing time!

⭐⭐ ProMotion NG (for PC) - $19.00

An advanced and powerful software which has many features Aseprite does not, including Colour Cycling and animated tiles.

⭐⭐⭐ Pixquare (for iOS) - $7.99 - $19.99

Probably the best app available for iPad users, in active development, with new features added all the time.

Look! My buddy Jon recommends it highly, and uses it often.

One cool thing about Pixquare is that it takes Aseprite raw files! Many of my friends use it to work on the same project, both in their office and on the go.

⭐ Procreate (for iOS) - $12.99

If you have access to Procreate already, it's a decent option to get used to doing pixel art. It does however require some setup. Artist Pixebo is famously using Procreate, and they have tutorials of their own if you want to learn.

🆓 Free options:

⭐⭐⭐ Libresprite (for PC)

Libresprite is an alternative to Aseprite. It is very, very similar, to the point where documentation for Aseprite will be helpful to Libresprite users.

⭐⭐ Pixilart (for PC and mobile)

A free in-browser app, and also a mobile app! It is tied to the website Pixilart, where artists upload and share their work. A good option for those also looking to get involved in a community.

⭐⭐ Dotpict (for mobile)

Dotpict is similar to Pixilart, with a mobile app tied to a website, but it's a Japanese service. Did you know that in Japanese, pixel art is called 'Dot Art'? Dotpict can be a great way to connect with a different community of pixel artists! They also have prompts and challenges often.

🔹 So I got my software, now what?

◽Nice! Now it's time for the basics of pixel art.

❗ WAIT ❗ Before this section, I want to add a little disclaimer. All of these rules/guidelines can be broken at will, and some 'no-nos' can look amazing when done intentionally.

The pixel-art fundamentals can be exceedingly helpful to new artists, who may feel lost or overwhelmed by choice. But if you feel they restrict you too harshly, don't force yourself! At the end of the day it's your art, and you shouldn't try to contort yourself into what people think a pixel artist 'should be'. What matters is your own artistic expression. 💕👍

◽Phew! With that out of the way...

🔸"The Rules"

There are few hard 'rules' of pixel art, mostly about scaling and exporting. Some of these things will frequently trip up newbies if they aren't aware, and are easy to overlook.

🔹Scaling method

There are a couple ways of scaling your art. The default in most art programs, and the entire internet, is Bi-linear scaling, which usually works out fine for most purposes. But as pixel artists, we need a different method.

Both are scaled up x10. See the difference?

On the left is scaled using Bilinear, and on the right is using Nearest-Neighbor. We love seeing those pixels stay crisp and clean, so we use nearest-neighbor. 

(Most pixel-art programs have nearest-neighbor enabled by default! So this may not apply to you, but it's important to know.)

🔹Mixels

Mixels are when there are different (mixed) pixel sizes in the same image.

Here I have scaled up my art- the left is 200%, and the right is 150%. Yuck!

As we can see, the "pixel" sizes end up different. We generally try to scale our work by multiples of 100 - 200%, 300% etc. rather than 150%. At larger scales however, the minute differences in pixel sizes are hardly noticeable!

Mixels are also sometimes seen when an artist scales up their work, then continues drawing on it with a 1 pixel brush.

Many would say that this is not great looking! This type of pixels can be indicative of a beginner artist. But there are plenty of creative pixel artists out there who mixels intentionally, making something modern and cool.

🔹Saving Your Files

We usually save our still images as .PNGs as they don’t create any JPEG artifacts or loss of quality. It's a little hard to see here, but there are some artifacts, and it looks a little blurry. It also makes the art very hard to work with if we are importing a JPEG.

For animations .GIF is good, but be careful of the 256 colour limit. Try to avoid using too many blending mode layers or gradients when working with animations. If you aren’t careful, your animation could flash afterwards, as the .GIF tries to reduce colours wherever it can. It doesn’t look great!

Here's an old piece from 2021 where I experienced .GIF lossiness, because I used gradients and transparency, resulting in way too many colours.

🔹Pixel Art Fundamentals - Techniques and Jargon

❗❗Confused about Jaggies? Anti-Aliasing? Banding? Dithering? THIS THREAD is for you❗❗

As far as I'm concerned, this is THE tutorial of all time for understanding pixel art. These are techniques created and named by the community of people who actually put the list together, some of the best pixel artists alive currently. Please read it!!

🔸How To Learn

Okay, so you have your software, and you're all ready to start. But maybe you need some more guidance? Try these tutorials and resources! It can be helpful to work along with a tutorial until you build your confidence up.

⭐⭐ Pixel Logic (A Digital Book) - $10 A very comprehensive visual guide book by a very skilled and established artist in the industry. I own a copy myself.

⭐⭐⭐ StudioMiniBoss - free A collection of visual tutorials, by the artist that worked on Celeste! When starting out, if I got stuck, I would go and scour his tutorials and see how he did it.

⭐ Lospec Tutorials - free A very large collection of various tutorials from all over the internet. There is a lot to sift through here if you have the time.

⭐⭐⭐ Cyangmou's Tutorials - free (tipping optional) Cyangmou is one of the most respected and accomplished modern pixel artists, and he has amassed a HUGE collection of free and incredibly well-educated visual tutorials. He also hosts an educational stream every week on Twitch called 'pixelart for beginners'.

⭐⭐⭐ Youtube Tutorials - free There are hundreds, if not thousands of tutorials on YouTube, but it can be tricky to find the good ones. My personal recommendations are MortMort, Brandon, and AdamCYounis- these guys really know what they're talking about!

🔸Where To Post

Outside of just regular socials, Twitter, Tumblr, Deviantart, Instagram etc, there are a few places that lean more towards pixel art that you might not have heard of.

⭐ Lospec Lospec is a low-res focused art website. Some pieces get given a 'monthly masterpiece' award. Not incredibly active, but I believe there are more features being added often.

⭐⭐ Pixilart Pixilart is a very popular pixel art community, with an app tied to it. The community tends to lean on the young side, so this is a low-pressure place to post with an relaxed vibe.

⭐⭐ Pixeljoint Pixeljoint is one of the big, old-school pixel art websites. You can only upload your art unscaled (1x) because there is a built-in zoom viewer. It has a bit of a reputation for being elitist (back in the 00s it was), but in my experience it's not like that any more. This is a fine place for a pixel artist to post if they are really interested in learning, and the history. The Hall of Fame has some of the most famous / impressive pixel art pieces that paved the way for the work we are doing today.

⭐⭐⭐ Cafe Dot Cafe Dot is my art server so I'm a little biased here. 🍵 It was created during the recent social media turbulence. We wanted a place to post art with no algorithms, and no NFT or AI chuds. We have a heavy no-self-promotion rule, and are more interested in community than skill or exclusivity. The other thing is that we have some kind of verification system- you must apply to be a Creator before you can post in the Art feed, or use voice. This helps combat the people who just want to self-promo and dip, or cause trouble, as well as weed out AI/NFT people. Until then, you are still welcome to post in any of the threads or channels. There is a lot to do in Cafe Dot. I host events weekly, so check the threads!

⭐⭐/r/pixelart The pixel art subreddit is pretty active! I've also heard some of my friends found work through posting here, so it's worth a try if you're looking. However, it is still Reddit- so if you're sensitive to rude people, or criticism you didn't ask for, you may want to avoid this one. Lol

🔸 Where To Find Work

You need money? I got you! As someone who mostly gets scouted on social media, I can share a few tips with you:

Put your email / portfolio in your bio Recruiters don't have all that much time to find artists, make it as easy as possible for someone to find your important information!

Clean up your profile If your profile feed is all full of memes, most people will just tab out rather than sift through. Doesn't apply as much to Tumblr if you have an art tag people can look at.

Post regularly, and repost Activity beats everything in the social media game. It's like rolling the dice, and the more you post the more chances you have. You have to have no shame, it's all business baby

Outside of just posting regularly and hoping people reach out to you, it can be hard to know where to look. Here are a few places you can sign up to and post around on.

/r/INAT INAT (I Need A Team) is a subreddit for finding a team to work with. You can post your portfolio here, or browse for people who need artists.

/r/GameDevClassifieds Same as above, but specifically for game-related projects.

Remote Game Jobs / Work With Indies Like Indeed but for game jobs. Browse them often, or get email notifications.

VGen VGen is a website specifically for commissions. You need a code from another verified artist before you can upgrade your account and sell, so ask around on social media or ask your friends. Once your account is upgraded, you can make a 'menu' of services people can purchase, and they send you an offer which you are able to accept, decline, or counter.

The evil websites of doom: Fiverr and Upwork I don't recommend them!! They take a big cut of your profit, and the sites are teeming with NFT and AI people hoping to make a quick buck. The site is also extremely oversaturated and competitive, resulting in a race to the bottom (the cheapest, the fastest, doing the most for the least). Imagine the kind of clients who go to these websites, looking for the cheapest option. But if you're really desperate...

🔸 Community

I do really recommend getting involved in a community. Finding like-minded friends can help you stay motivated to keep drawing. One day, those friends you met when you were just starting out may become your peers in the industry. Making friends is a game changer!

Discord servers Nowadays, the forums of old are mostly abandoned, and people split off into many different servers. Cafe Dot, Pixel Art Discord (PAD), and if you can stomach scrolling past all the AI slop, you can browse Discord servers here.

Twitch Streams Twitch has kind of a bad reputation for being home to some of the more edgy gamers online, but the pixel art community is extremely welcoming and inclusive. Some of the people I met on Twitch are my friends to this day, and we've even worked together on different projects! Browse pixel art streams here, or follow some I recommend: NickWoz, JDZombi, CupOhJoe, GrayLure, LumpyTouch, FrankiePixelShow, MortMort, Sodor, NateyCakes, NyuraKim, ShinySeabass, I could go on for ever really... There are a lot of good eggs on Pixel Art Twitch.

🔸 Other Helpful Websites

Palettes Lospec has a huge collection of user-made palettes, for any artist who has trouble choosing their colours, or just wants to try something fun. Rejected Palettes is full of palettes that didn't quite make it onto Lospec, ran by people who believe there are no bad colours.

The Spriters Resource TSR is an incredible website where users can upload spritesheets and tilesets from games. You can browse for your favourite childhood game, and see how they made it! This website has helped me so much in understanding how game assets come together in a scene.

VGMaps Similar to the above, except there are entire maps laid out how they would be played. This is incredible if you have to do level design, or for mocking up a scene for fun.

Game UI Database Not pixel-art specific, but UI is a very challenging part of graphics, so this site can be a game-changer for finding good references!

Retronator A digital newspaper for pixel-art lovers! New game releases, tutorials, and artworks!

Itch.io A website where people can upload, games, assets, tools... An amazing hub for game devs and game fans alike. A few of my favourite tools: Tiled, PICO-8, Pixel Composer, Juice FX, Magic Pencil for Aseprite

🔸 The End?

This is just part 1 for now, so please drop me a follow to see any more guides I release in the future. I plan on doing some writeups on how I choose colours, how to practise, and more!

I'm not an expert by any means, but everything I did to get to where I am is outlined in this guide. Pixel art is my passion, my job and my hobby! I want pixel art to be recognized everywhere as an art-form, a medium of its own outside of game-art or computer graphics!

This guide took me a long time, and took a lot of research and experience. Consider following me or supporting me if you are feeling generous.

And good luck to all the fledgling pixel artists, I hope you'll continue and have fun. I hope my guide helped you, and don't hesitate to send me an ask if you have any questions! 💕

[mariatakesover]

they don’t tell you this but you can take steps to improve your life all the time. even when you’re feeling absolutely miserable. even when it doesn’t pay off immediately. do you guys know about this

[mariatakesover]

An interesting demonstration of how the human brain works.

But also something of a lesson regarding perception, and the unreliability of subjective perspective versus objective reality.

You can be extremely certain about how you perceive the world, your "lived experience," that which you "feel it in my heart." But that doesn't mean it's actually true. And it doesn't mean we have to endorse it, or ignore or outright deny objective reality.

That's a "you" thing, not a "we" thing.

[mariatakesover]

These people need to be tried for genocide