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Year-End Awards 2019

2019 was very good for movies.  Or, rather, November and December of 2019 were very good for movies.  I could speculate about why that is (Awards season? Disney? Moloch?), but I don’t really know.  What I do know is that the Oscars are tomorrow, so I better get this post up today.

Honorable mentions in no particular order.  Strap in, chumps.

Best Lead Performance: Adam Sandler, Uncut Gems

Sometimes it feels like Adam Sandler is cheating, lowering our expectations with awful performances in even-more-awful films so that his dramatic turns look better by comparison.  But whether or not we grade him on a curve, this performance is the best of the year.  

Sandler’s character, Howard Ratner, is ridiculous.  In fact, much of the movie is ridiculous.  But Sandler makes this absurd person human, and in doing so, makes the whole movie work.  He commits hard to the role, and even though every scene is a little more unbelievable than the last, I never for a moment stopped believing in Howard.  Superb work.

Honorable Mentions: Willem Dafoe, The Lighthouse; Saoirse Ronan, Little Women; Scarlett Johansson, Marriage Story; Adam Driver, Marriage Story; Ana de Armas, Knives Out; Kang-ho Song, Parasite; Jonathan Pryce, The Two Popes.

Best Supporting Performance: The rest of the cast of Uncut Gems

The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that Uncut Gems is a movie that survives entirely on its acting.  The Safdie brothers themselves have said that the movie wouldn’t work without Kevin Garnett nailing the scene where he first holds the black opal.  I’d extend that credit to all the other supporting roles: Idina Menzel as Howard’s wife who no longer even bats an eye at the insanity he brings on himself, Marshall Greenberg (a non-actor) as the fellow jeweler who expresses genuine concern for Howard but still gives him unfavorable terms on a pawn deal, deranged Garment District legend Wayne Diamond as a character just named “High Roller”—every one of these people is essential to the success of the film.  When it comes down to it, Uncut Gems doesn’t make any sense.  It takes a suite of perfect performances to make it feel as real as it does.

Honorable Mentions: Timothée Chalamet, Little Women; Laura Dern, Little Women; Florence Pugh, Little Women; Takayuki Hamatsu, One Cut of the Dead; Daniel Craig, Knives Out; Al Pacino, The Irishman.

The Costner Award for Worst Actor: Rebel Wilson, Cats

When we meet Rebel Wilson (as her fursona “Jennyanydots,” a name I will never utter again), she is showing her butthole to the camera.  The character never gets more likable than that, because they let Rebel Wilson ad-lib numerous “comedic” lines to punch up the script. They’re awful.

Honorable Mention: James Corden, Cats.

 Nicest Surprise: Cold Pursuit

I watch the Liam Neeson stupid action flick with my brother Rob every year. Sometimes we get something legitimately great, like A Walk Among the Tombstones.  Other times we get a movie like The Commuter, which is dumb as rocks.  But this is the first time we got a comedy.  I went in expecting a second-rate Neeson-kills-people thriller, and instead got a solid black comedy.  Apparently it’s nearly a shot-for-shot remake of the Norwegian film In Order of Disappearance, so maybe I should have known better.  But I didn’t, so I was pleasantly surprised.

Hiddenest Gem: One Cut of the Dead

One Cut of the Dead is the best movie of the year that my friends haven’t seen, and it’s a tough movie to talk about because of how fun it is to watch knowing nothing about it.  So I’ll keep it short.  One Cut is a Japanese schlock horror movie with a fun twist that manages to be creepy at first, then funny, then heartwarming.  Two things elevate this above the usual fun-twist movie.  The first is that the surprise unfolds in little pieces over the entire second half of the movie, rather than hitting all at once. The second is that there’s real substance there: under the goofy exterior there’s a charming family story that’s worth coming back for.

 Most Insulting Moment: We Hate Sensory Deprivation, Angel Has Fallen

I haven’t seen the other films in the Blank Has Fallen franchise, nor did I need to do so to understand its third installment.  It’s exactly the kind of institution-worshipping great-men-of-history support-our-troops action bullshit you’d expect.  But after the credits, there’s a totally inexplicable scene where Gerard Butler and his dad Nick Nolte agree to get treatment for their (implied) PTSD.  Instead of leaving it as just a nice moment of healing, it cuts to a comedy scene where they go to a two-person sensory-deprivation tank and float around in the dark complaining about it.  The general gist of the scene is “sensory deprivation is dumb and gay.”  I’m not a sense-dep guy, but it’s used here as a stand-in for all the forms of “modernity” that reactionary filmmakers hate: you know, like mental health treatment, or trying new things, or expressing any sincere vulnerability even for a moment.  Why not just show them affectionately kissing guns and save some production cost?

Honorable Mentions:  The trailer for A Dog’s Way Home; The narration in Ad Astra.

 Winter’s Tale Memorial “What the Hell Am I Watching” Award: Cats

At long last, a film that unites the unholy trinity of ambition, incompetence, and derangement to form a true “What the Hell Am I Watching” award-winner.  The premise of Cats, in short, is that the cats of London meet every year to perform a ritual sacrifice of one of their number, believing that the chosen cat will, after their death, be reincarnated…as another London cat.  And they determine the sacrifice by holding a talent show.  And one of the cats is a warlock.  So we’re off to a good start.

I was fortunate enough to see the original version.  You see, the film is almost entirely CGI, so much so that viewing it feels like living inside a haunted kaleidoscope.  Even the actors, through “digital fur technology,” are turned into cats which are anthropomorphized to greater or lesser degrees. The warlock cat, for example, has cat abs.  But shortly after theatrical release, director Tom Hooper realized that the film contained major visual effects oversights, including failing to CGI several of the actors’ hands, meaning that Judi Dench and Ian McKellen appeared to have human arms on cat bodies.  These are only some of the crimes of the film Cats.  A full reading of the litany would take all day.

Honorable Mentions: A Dog’s Journey; Gemini Man.

Prettiest Movie: 1917

I’d be remiss not to talk about the cinematic achievement of 1917.  The all-in-one-take thing, or the appearance thereof, is kind of a used gimmick at this point.  (Birdman, after all, used it and won Best Picture.)  I went into 1917 expecting a cheap knockoff. Instead I was blown away.  Every detail was perfect, down to the mud stains on the extras’ overcoats, the stacking of sandbags in the real dug-out trenches, the bloating of the bodies clogging the waterways.  One especially memorable scene follows our hero (George MacKay) sprinting through a ruined city by night, intermittently lit by mortar fire, dodging gunfire all the way.  Maybe “pretty” isn’t the right word, but no film this year used the visual medium as well as 1917.

Honorable Mentions: Parasite, Once Upon A Time…in Hollywood.

Best Picture: Under the Silver Lake

Yes, I know it’s weird to give Best Picture to a movie that didn’t even get an honorable mention anywhere else.  But this is my blog, dammit, I stand by it.  Under the Silver Lake is a movie about capitalist-media-technology-complex-inspired brain poisoning.  It stayed on my mind for weeks after seeing it, and I eventually gave it a second watch. It held up.  

Criticisms of the film abound, like how male-gazey a lot of the portrayals of women are, but I think the parts that some reviewers identify as flaws are intentional and important features of the movie.  We see the film through the eyes of our main character (Andrew Garfield), who is a scumbag, but the film is very clearly not endorsing being a scumbag. It’s about the interplay of personal neuroses and moral failings with the broader perverse clown-reality we all occupy, and the inescapable tinge our perspectives bring to the world we see. The film is, after all, a sort of noir film, and our hero’s attitudes are reflective in some ways of the noir mindset: find the clues, unravel the plot, get the girl.  The incongruity between the stories and attitudes of our past and the demented reality of our future define the film.

I could go on about this for much longer, which is why I’m choosing Silver Lake as the best film of the year.  It’s not notable for its acting or cinematography (though both are solid), but in terms of content, nothing else this year encapsulated my internal and external world quite so well as this.

Honorable mentions: Parasite; 1917; Little Women; The Irishman; One Cut of the Dead; Marriage Story; Uncut Gems.

 That’s it, that’s the post.  I think I’m moving to Letterboxd next year.

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Year-End Awards 2018

2018 sucked personally, professionally, and politically. But hey, at least the movies sucked too!

Ok, there were plenty of good movies. But the bad vastly outnumbered the good, and the highlights weren’t especially high. Even my favorite filmmakers had weak years: Wes Anderson and the Coen brothers both put out some of their most mediocre films in 2018.

But no year is devoid of value, and damned if I won’t do my best to find it. Let’s dive into the only blog post I still do, the year-end awards.

(Honorable mentions, as always, are listed in no particular order.)

Best Lead Performance: Paul Giamatti & Kathryn Hahn, Private Life.

Giving this to two people is a cheap trick (and one I’ve used before), but this is my blog and I make the rules. Private Life is a powerful, painfully realistic film about a middle-aged couple, played by Hahn and Giamatti, going through IVF to get pregnant. Their relationship is at the core of the film; singling out one for praise would be a disservice to the other.

A film like this could easily be a one-dimensional tragedy about baby angst, but both lead actors go through a broad range of emotions that are at once inarticulable in words but instantly recognizable. The highs and lows of their journey and the stress it puts on them and their relationship come out in every expression, every movement of their bodies. This is the highest praise you can give actors: that they portray something that can’t be portrayed any other way.

Honorable Mentions: Olivia Cooke, Thoroughbreds; Joaquin Phoenix, You Were Never Really Here; Toni Collette, Hereditary; Ryan Gosling, First Man; Viola Davis, Widows; Olivia Colman, The Favourite; Emma Stone, The Favourite; Annette Bening, Film Stars Don’t Die in Liverpool.

Best Supporting Performance: Anton Yelchin, Thoroughbreds.

Enough has been written about this already, but Anton Yelchin could easily have become one of the greatest actors of our time had he not died such a weird and sad death. His performance in Thoroughbreds is the perfect example of why I say that.

Yelchin plays a kind of guy that everyone knows, the wannabe operator who hangs out with, and deals drugs to, kids much younger than him and feels cool for doing so. He slips perfectly into that role, but what makes it better than just a caricature is how he captures the character in the scenes where he’s out of the element he’s chosen for himself: once after two high school girls violently rob him and once at the end after he sees what one of the girls has become. He is shaken and unsure, and letting that façade drop in real time is an impressive feat of acting.

Honorable Mentions: Richard E. Grant, Can You Ever Forgive Me?; Alison Pill, Vice; Oscar Isaac, Annihilation; Jason Isaacs, The Death of Stalin.

The Costner Award for Worst Actor: No Winner

Before going into more detail, I’d like to point out that I didn’t see any Gerard Butler movies this year, so take this with a grain of salt.

There were a lot of god-awful movies this year. But all those movies are awful for reasons distinct from acting. Bruce Willis was boring in Death Wish, sure, but his character was boring. Tye Sheridan was annoying in Ready Player One, but his character was annoying. Travolta was actually pretty good in Gotti, even though the movie was a total disaster.

In fact, I can’t think of any performances this year that made me angry in the same way the Kevin Costner makes me angry. Congratulations to actors, I guess? If you know of a truly heinous performance, let me know.

Nicest Surprise: Aquaman

Aquaman is a superhero movie about a very strong, very stupid dog in the shape of Jason Momoa (just look at his dumb face!). There is also a giant octopus who plays the drums. That’s about all you need to know about Aquaman.

Honorable mentions: Mission: Impossible – Fallout; Game Night.

Most Insulting Moment: “Street Weapon,” Robin Hood.

In Robin Hood (2018), Little John (Jamie Foxx) trains a fledgling Robin (Taron Egerton) in the art of hoodery. At the completion of this training, he says to Robin, “you’re going to need a street weapon.” Then he hands Robin this:

“Patrick, is that a full-sized bow with brass knuckles tied to it?” Yes, yes it is. You know, for the streets.

Honorable Mentions: Queen Saves Live Aid, Bohemian Rhapsody; Tactical Furniture, Death Wish; Pretty much all of Ready Player One.

Winter’s Tale Memorial “What the Hell Am I Watching” Award: No Winner

I almost gave this award to Gotti, a movie so widely panned that the marketing campaign explicitly told potential viewers that critics are scum. But then a friend of mine live-blogged his first viewing of The Book of Henry, the current title-holder, and I was reminded of just how gonzo bananas a movie has to be to get this award.

Sure, Gotti is an incomprehensible failure tornado that somehow had enough money for John Travolta but apparently not enough for, you know, lighting and sound guys, but it’s not bewildering like Winter’s Tale was, or like Book of Henry was. A winner should make me ask not just “what the hell is going on” and “how the hell did this get made,” but also “why the hell would anyone want to make this?”  I didn’t see anything that prompted that last question this year.

Prettiest Movie: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

I used to give out an award for technical filmmaking, but in hindsight, I don’t know enough about filmmaking to confidently give that award. But I am an expert on the topic of “things I find visually appealing,” and since film is a visual medium (despite what the Academy would have you believe), I’m bringing the category back in this form.

Anyway, the winner is Spider-Verse, no contest. It’s the most brilliantly animated film I’ve seen in years, and easily the best-animated CGI film ever produced. In a world drowning in endless round-and-shiny Pixar clones, Spider-Verse made something entirely unique, influenced by the styles of comic books through the ages but ultimately producing something all its own. The end sequence, with manifold universes spiraling out of a black hole and bleeding into each other, will no doubt be the most impressive feat of animation for years to come.

Honorable Mentions: Mandy; Annihilation; You Were Never Really Here.

Best Picture: Film Stars Don’t Die in Liverpool.

After seeing this beautiful film, I resigned myself to the fact that it wouldn’t receive any Oscar buzz. I was more right than I realized: not only did it not get any nominations, it didn’t even qualify for consideration. The Academy considered this a Film Stars a 2017 movie, as it was released on a very limited run on December 29, 2017. I didn’t hear the name until I saw a trailer for it in January of this year, and I didn’t get to see it in my city until February. This is the great crime of Oscar season: everybody tries to put their stuff out as late as possible, and real gems like this one get crowded out by Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, a movie that gets worse every time I think about it.

I’m correcting this injustice. Film Stars Don’t Die in Liverpool is the only great movie of 2018. The script is heartbreaking, the acting is profoundly human, and the fluid cinematography masterfully blends past with present, creating a portrait of the last days in the life of Gloria Grahame (Annette Bening) in all her messy detail, seen from her own perspective as well as that of her former lover, the much younger Peter Turner (Jamie Bell). Where those perspective diverge is where the film is at its best, and those moments are easily the most moving of the year.

Honorable Mentions: Annihilation; The Death of Stalin; Private Life.

That’s it, that’s the whole post. Peace out.

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I miss monthly round-ups.

If enough people missed them I might bring them back

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Roundup - Feb. thru Mar. 2018

Big one this month.

Fifty Shades Freed (2018) Dir. James Foley. This is pornography, not cinema. But there’s nothing wrong with pornography. Smut/10.

Black Panther (2018) Dir. Ryan Coogler. A reasonably competent superhero movie that gets some extra credit for engaging with real-world issues of isolationism and imperialism, even if that material is a little undercooked. T’Challa (Chadwick Boseman) is a pretty boring hero, but the film makes up for this with a strong villain (Michael B. Jordan as the stupidly-named Erik Killmonger) and supporting cast. Maybe the best Marvel movie in terms of style, only average in terms of substance. Still, maybe the success of Black Panther will convince the lizards who run Hollywood that it’s ok to put people of color in movies. 6/10.

Annihilation (2018) Dir. Alex Garland. Ambitious, visually stunning science fiction movie. Natalie Portman’s best performance in years. There’s a few unforgettable sequences in this movie that I won’t spoil here, and the ending is an all-time great for the genre. But the film is a little overlong, and sometimes the ideas are smarter than the writing can support. 8/10. 

Death Wish (2018) Dir. Eli Roth. An utterly amoral piece of fiction. Lots of wonderful stories and characters are born from vigilante justice, but to be successful in the genre, the material has to engage in some way with the violence and barbarism of taking the law into your own hands. Taken, for example, does this by leaning into the brutality and painting its main character as a genuinely terrifying human being. The best Batman stories do this by leaning away: he doesn’t use guns, he doesn’t kill, he avoids collateral damage, etc. Death Wish makes no attempt to do either. It just has Bruce Willis indiscriminately kill a bunch of Bad Guys with no regard for the implications. It would be sickening if Eli Roth weren’t so far beneath contempt. 1/10.

Thoroughbreds (2018) Dir. Cory Finley. Fun and unusual black comedy driven by its two excellent leads: a pair of high-school girls who plot to murder one of their fathers. The two are photo-negatives; one of the girls (Olivia Cooke) can’t feel emotion, the other (Anya Taylor-Joy) can’t feel empathy. They’re excellent together, as is Anton Yelchin as a wannabe criminal operator. But for all its strengths, the film has a fatal flaw: the dad just isn’t bad enough to kill. 7/10. 

Film Stars Don't Die in Liverpool (2018) Dir. Paul McGuigan. Beautiful film based loosely on the last few weeks in the life of black-and-white actress Gloria Grahame. Annette Bening is wonderful as Gloria, bringing lovability to a character whose actions make her hard to love. Jamie Bell just as good as her much younger lover, Peter Turner, who takes care of her in her final days. There’s a lot going on thematically in the film, too much for this short-form review, but if you see it, pay special attention to how the flashback sequences portray the characters, and from whose point of view the flashbacks come. 9/10. 

Paul, Apostle of Christ (2018) Dir. Andrew Hyatt. A slow but otherwise perfectly decent story about one of the most interesting biblical figures, Paul of Tarsus, in his last days before being put to death by Rome. (The exact circumstances of Paul’s death remain unclear to this day, but most accounts say he was killed by Nero in one way or another.) Unfortunately, this might be the worst technical film I’ve ever seen in theaters, even with respect to the very fundamentals, like “keeping your subjects in focus” and “making sure you know who’s talking.” The film just isn’t in good enough shape for wide release. 3/10. 

Tomb Raider (2018) Dir. Roar Uthaug. Competent but dull. There were two directions this film could have gone in: either toward a dirty, scrappy movie where Lara Croft (Alicia Vikander) tilts at windmills to find her missing father (Dominic West), or an over-the-top action adventure with undead samurai and Evil Magicks. Instead, the film uses the material of the former with the tone of the latter. It doesn’t work very well. 5/10. 

Brigsby Bear (2017) Dir. Dave McCary Despite its wacky premise (involving a kidnapping-at-birth and a TV show about a space-traveling bear), this is a surprisingly touching and nuanced, if a bit rushed, film about coping with the past. Great supporting cast, especially Matt Walsh as the victim’s real dad. 8/10. 

Lucky (2017) Dir. John Carroll Lynch. There’s a lot to like in this movie. Harry Dean Stanton starring as a nonagenarian borderline-nihilist, for example, and David Lynch in a supporting role as an eccentric tortoise enthusiast. But all the pieces don’t add up to much. For a slice-of-life drama (or in this case, slice-of-end-of-life), there isn’t quite enough life to slice. 6/10. 

Molly's Game (2017) Dir. Aaron Sorkin. This is an Aaron Sorkin script directed by Aaron Sorkin. If you like him, you’ll like this. I can’t stand him, and this film is a perfect example why: over-clever dialogue, overbroad scope, overlong runtime. The interesting subject matter (real-life story of a skier-turned-poker-mogul) is the only thing saving this movie. 2/10. 

On Body and Soul (2017) Dir. Ildikó Enyedi. A lovely premise: two socially-isolated coworkers discover they have the same dreams each night, and an uneasy romance develops. The way this unfolds is sometimes contrived, and it’s always hard to believe an attractive young woman would fall for a guy 35 years older than her, but the characters are so well-crafted and the relationship so genuine that I’m willing to overlook a lot. The film also benefits from a wonderful visual style and soundtrack, emphasizing both its loneliness and hopefulness. 8/10.

The Square (2017) Dir. Ruben Östlund. This movie is supposed to be a satire. Maybe it’s just because I’m not a Swedish art critic, but I’m not sure what the target is supposed to be. As a result, while the film is sometimes funny, it mostly comes off confusing or just plain mean. There is one sequence involving a gorilla which approaches greatness, but you could watch it totally out of context and lose nothing. 4/10. 

Vengeance: A Love Story (2017) Dir. Johnny Martin. One of 2017’s five Nic Cage movies, and probably the most bankruptcy-driven. Shots are out of focus, editing is disorienting, dialogue is often inaudible, and the script is basically nonsense. It’s a rape-revenge movie, but the guy getting revenge is not the victim. He’s not even related to the victim. He’s Nic Cage at his most dead-inside. But when this movie is on, oh baby is it on. Pay attention at the start for Cage to get hit by a van and just keep on walking. 1/10. 

Don't Think Twice (2016) Dir. Mike Birbiglia. This film is written and directed by comedian Mike Birbiglia and produced by public radio host Ira Glass. That tells you just about all you need to know about it. As you would expect, it’s funny, it’s honest, it’s sentimental, and it’s a little hard to believe sometimes. My roommate had no patience for this movie, in part because of the glut of “backstage comedy” media these days. But I have almost no exposure to that, so the material wasn’t tiresome. 7/10. 

Heaven Knows What (2015) Dirs. Benny & Josh Safdie. Brutally realist film about a homeless New York heroin addict and the complicated relationships in her life, positive and negative—often extremely negative. The star of the movie, Arielle Holmes (who is spectacular), portrays a lightly fictionalized version of herself, and the script is adapted from her unpublished memoir. If I didn’t know that, I wouldn’t believe some of the insanely sad things that happen to her in the film, but Holmes is so totally believable that it never feels wrong. 8/10. 

Outcast (2014) Dir. Nick Powell. Hayden Christensen and Nicolas Cage star as disaffected Crusaders who flee to Medieval China. They have ridiculous accents. Nic Cage wears a stupid wig and carries snakes around as accessories. Nobody speaks Chinese for some reason. The movie is bad. 2/10. 

Pacific Rim (2013) Dir. Guillermo del Toro. Exactly what is says on the tin: giant robots fight giant monsters. If that’s what you want, buddy, you got it. 6/10.

Little Dieter Needs to Fly (1997, Documentary) Dir. Werner Herzog. This doc follows the story of Dieter Dengler, a German-American man who dreamed of being a pilot, got his wish, and was promptly shot down over Laos during the Vietnam War, where he was kept as a prisoner of war. Dieter tells his own story, and much of it on location: they go to Laos and hire locals to roleplay the kidnapping as Herzog follows with his camera crew. The subject matter is pretty grim, but Dieter is so unsinkable and Herzog is so clearly having a blast that the film doesn’t wallow in misery. 8/10. 

Goodfellas (1990) Dir. Martin Scorsese. Fun movie, but awfully overlong. This is not the films only classic Scorsese problem: these characters are morally abhorrent and impossible to root for. That’s only fun to watch for so long, and that amount of time is shorter than 145 minutes. 7/10. 

3:10 to Yuma (1957) Dir. Delmer Daves. A classic western with an economical premise: a broke farmer guards a legendary criminal while his band of outlaws try to free him. Van Heflin brings a great deal of depth to the hero, who struggles with conflicting motives of duty, money, and safety, but even more impressive is Glenn Ford, who makes a Stock Western Villain into a charming, fascinating antagonist. The film sometimes moves a little too fast, however, and the ending is a bit of a stretch. 8/10.

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Year-End Awards Extravaganza: 2017

It’s been a heck of a year for movies, fellas.

Of the 81 new films I saw in 2017 (or, rather, the 2017 Awards Year, running from February 2017 to February 2018), I scored 20 at 8 or above, and only 21 at 4 or below. No matter what you want from your movies, there’s a 2017 movie you’ll love.

So let’s get right into it!

Best Leading Performance: Timothée Chalamet, Call Me By Your Name

An absolutely perfect performance. His character, a teenage boy figuring out his sexuality, has been done plenty of times before, but never quite so well. What Chalamet brings to the character is a beautifully authentic vulnerability, capturing both the impulsiveness and the unconfidence of teenage love without the slightest hint of pretense or melodrama. Even more impressively, his relationship with Armie Hammer, which could have felt exploitative given the age difference, is the most sincere on-screen romance in years, maybe in decades.

Two scenes in particular stand out in my memory: in one, Hammer is joking with Chalamet, who tries to keep his composure before collapsing. “I don’t want you to leave,” he says. It’s a simple line, but Chalamet imbues it with enormous power just from the way he moves his body. In the other, behind the end credits, he doesn’t say anything. He just stares into a fire, trying to hide his tears from his parents, who, of course, know that he’s crying and why he’s crying. You can see in his eyes that he knows, too.

Honorable Mentions: Sally Hawkins, The Shape of Water; Doug Jones, The Shape of Water; Margot Robbie, I, Tonya; Daniel Day-Lewis, Phantom Thread; Vicky Krieps, Phantom Thread; Ryan Gosling, Blade Runner 2049; Kim Tae-ri, The Handmaiden.

Best Supporting Performance: Michael Stuhlbarg, Call Me By Your Name

Stuhlbarg was very good in The Shape of Water and The Post, but he was at his best here. He delivers one of the warmest performances in recent history, the kind of performance that makes you love the character the instant you meet him. There’s just so much joy behind his eyes, so much genuine love for his son.

That alone would be enough to secure this award, but near the end of the movie, he delivers the best monologue of the decade. In that scene, he consoles his son, who has just lost his first love, filling lines that could easily have been cheesy with immense love, sincerity, and wisdom: “if there is pain, nurse it. And if there is a flame, don’t snuff it out.”

Honorable Mentions: Rooney Mara, A Ghost Story; Richard Jenkins, The Shape of Water; Michael Shannon, The Shape of Water; Michelle Williams, All The Money in the World; Christoph Waltz, Downsizing; Allison Janney, I, Tonya; Lesley Manville, Phantom Thread, Gil Birmingham, Wind River; Ana de Armas, Blade Runner 2049; Tracy Letts, Lady Bird; Jeff Goldblum, Thor: Ragnarok.

The Costner Award for Worst Performance: Dane DeHaan, Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

Now that I’ve gushed sufficiently to embarrass myself, I’ll recover by saying mean things.

As much as I would love to give this to Gerard Butler again (and boy would he deserve it), this category was a blowout. DeHaan, as the titular character, did absolutely nothing right. His voice was unnatural. His face was totally blank. He even had a stupid haircut. He’s supposed to be suave, but every time he tries to woo Cara Delevingne, he comes off sniveling and pathetic. He’s supposed to be brave, but he comes off stupid. He was the worst part of every scene he was in, and he was in nearly every scene. And I usually like Dane DeHaan. What the hell happened?

Honorable Mention: Gerard Butler, Geostorm.

Nicest Surprise:  xXx: Return of Xander Cage

xXx is a stupid franchise with a stupid premise. So stupid, in fact, that I only saw this movie because I lost a bet. But ten minutes into the movie, as Donnie Yen kung fu’d a dozen bureaucrats unconscious, I leaned over to my friend Steve and said “is it just me, or does this rule?” The movie continued to rule for its entire runtime. Highlights: Ruby Rose murders a poacher, Vin Diesel wears the world’s largest fur coat, and Kris Wu becomes an international super-spy entirely on the strength of his DJ skills.

Honorable Mentions: The Circle; I Don’t Feel At Home In This World Anymore; Brigsby Bear.

Winter’s Tale Memorial “What On Earth Am I Watching” Award: The Book of Henry

The Book of Henry is the total package: uniquely bad and uniquely bonkers. (WARNING: spoilers for the most ill-advised movie of the decade ahead.)

The films starts off as a Cute Precocious Kid Movie, something that might have been written by a concussed Salinger wannabe. After 10 or so minutes of that, the Cute Precocious Kid watches the neighbor girl get violently raped by her dad. No, I’m not kidding. Then it’s a Kid Detective movie for 40 minutes or so—before Our Hero dies suddenly of brain cancer. No, I’m still not kidding. Then his mother finds the titular book, which is full of instructions on how to murder the rapist and get away with it. For the rest of the movie, Jaeden Lieberher coaches his mother from beyond the grave on how to assassinate Hank from Breaking Bad.

That doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface. Every new development in this film made my jaw hang a little lower, until by the end of the movie I sat there utterly stupefied. It’s a true achievement in poor decision-making.

Honorable Mentions: A Dog’s Purpose; Vengeance: A Love Story; Geostorm.

Most Insulting Moment: The dancing scene, The Book of Henry

Near the end of The Book of Henry, the school principal finally figures out that the neighbor girl is being abused. But she doesn’t notice the bruises, or listen to the witnesses, or anything that makes sense. Instead, she deduces it from the girl’s interpretative dance for the school talent show. Somehow this is enough not only to convince the principal, but to get the chief of police arrested by his own subordinates.

Colin Trevorrow is among our dumbest working directors.

Honorable Mentions: Dissociative Identity Disorder gives you super-strength, Split; Casting Charlie Sheen in a 9/11 movie, 9/11; The big clock that says “Countdown to Geostorm”, Geostorm.

Best Picture: Twin Peaks: The Return

Ok, yeah, this is a cop-out. Despite what David Lynch will tell you, this really shouldn’t count as a movie. It’s 18 hours long, it’s broken into episodes, and it aired on television.

But to hell with all that. Twin Peaks: The Return is the best movie of the year despite not being a movie. It’s that good. I finished the show a month ago and I’ve thought about it every day since. Episode 8 alone cements it in the pantheon of all-time great television shows; the finale puts it in the top slot.

The Return takes all the loose ends of the original series and at once ties them up and leaves them worse than before. Some plots wrap up neatly: seeing Ed and Norma finally get together is among the best romantic moments in television. Some plots don’t wrap up at all: Audrey is last seen dancing alone at the Roadhouse, having learned nothing and forgotten nothing. Some plots are deliberately cut short, as if to taunt the viewer: Richard Horne literally explodes for no discernible reason.

But somehow, all that jumbled mess, which at times seems disconnected not only from reality but from itself, is all an indispensable part of the whole. It’s holistic cinema: every part is important, and no part is important. It’s a beautiful and terrifying exploration of destiny, duality, identity, and purpose, too big to be contained in a feature-length film.

Honorable Mentions: A Ghost Story; Logan; your name.; The Handmaiden; Blade Runner 2049.

First Runner Up and Best Actual Movie: Call Me By Your Name.

That’s it for 2017. Thanks for another fun year!

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Roundup - January 2018

Buckle up, this is a long one.

The Commuter (2018) Dir. Jaume Collet-Serra. See upcoming video for review.

The Hero (2017) Dir. Brett Haley. Not exactly groundbreaking, and not terribly deep outside of its main character: a charming Sam Elliott as a has-been western actor preparing for the end of his life. Everyone else in the film was essentially a prop. 5/10.

All the Money in the World (2017) Dir. Ridley Scott. Entertaining but insubstantial. Ridley Scott seems to be trying to make some kind of point, but it never gets any more nuanced than “billionaires are bad.” He’s right, of course, but I just said in three words what he did in two hours. 6/10.

Kong: Skull Island (2017) Dir. Jordan Vogt-Roberts. An impressively stupid movie. Sometimes this was fun; I am not above the spectacle of a giant ape beating the devil out of lizards and helicopters. But most of the time, it was just stupid. Pay close attention for all kinds of bad props, including a scientific instrument labeled only “seismic.” 4/10.

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (2017) Dir. Jake Kasdan. Not nearly as bad as I feared, but certainly not a worthwhile sequel to one of the best films of the 90’s. Jack Black is fun playing against type, and Bobby Cannavale is a fun villain (he vomits a scorpion!), but only some of the jokes land, and none of the emotional moments do, save for once at the very end. 5/10.

Downsizing (2017) Dir. Alexander Payne. This was an awful lot better than I expected. The silly premise (new tech allows humans to shrink themselves) gets explored surprisingly well from a socio-political standpoint without veering into didactic territory. But the film is marred by a couple major flaws. First, the tone never quite settles between drama and comedy. Second, Hong Chau’s character gets dangerously close to being a tasteless Southeast-Asian stereotype when she’s introduced. 7/10.

Ingrid Goes West (2017) Dir. Matt Spicer. What if social media was actually bad? 5/10.

Bright (2017) Dir. David Ayer. See upcoming video for review.

The Post (2017) Dir. Steven Spielberg. The latest installment in the Steven Spielberg’s Heroic Americans Cinematic Universe is probably the best of them. There’s a lot more depth here than the dreaded “journalists are troops” message, and the film does a good job tackling the too-cozy relationships between D.C. watchdogs and the people they’re supposed to be watching. Meryl Streep is predictably great, as is Tom Hanks, but the real standout is Bob Odenkirk as the liaison between the paper and the document-leaker. But as always with Spielberg, the film is shot with rose-colored lenses, and it ends with the implication that by taking on Nixon, the papers freed themselves from bias forever. 8/10.

I, Tonya (2017) Dir. Craig Gillespie. It’s a rare biopic that speaks to something greater than just its subject. This one speaks about abuse, abandonment, and how victims create their lives from the broken pieces they’re given. All performances are strong, but Margot Robbie is terribly underappreciated as Tonya Harding, a remarkable woman who spends her whole life on the brink of a meltdown. Allison Janney is also superb as her mother. The only thing holding this movie back is its occasional too-light touch for its dark subject matter. 8/10.

Phantom Thread (2017) Dir. Paul Thomas Anderson. One of the most lived-in films of the year. Watching this movie, it’s easy to lose track of time—and I mean that in the best possible way. The visual design is characteristically gorgeous for Anderson, and Daniel Day-Lewis is as wonderful as ever as a demanding dress designer. Also spectacular are Vicky Krieps as Day-Lewis’ young muse and Lesley Manville as his loyal but never servile sister. The ending is spectacular, painting a wonderfully strange picture of romance. I only wish the rest of the film could maintain that level of emotion. 8/10.

Call Me By Your Name (2017) A beautifully honest, uncynical, realistic portrait of first love and whirlwind romance, with added depth from the nature of the lovers—two men, neither openly gay, one roughly 15 years younger than the other. That kind of age gap could easily read as exploitative, but the film treats it deftly. It’s a beautiful but impossible romance captured with superb acting, warm visuals, and pitch-perfect music (from Sufjan Stevens, no less). Michael Stuhlbarg steals the show in a supporting performance, delivering an all-time great dad lesson. A strong contender for film of the year. 9/10.

Mudbound (2017) Dir. Dee Rees. Fine enough, but terribly confused. It feels as though the filmmakers expected meaning to fall out of the setting if they hit it hard enough, like some sort of social-commentary piñata. To be sure, it’s rich material: sharecropping, race relations, subjugation of women, neglect of veterans, the list goes on. None of it is quite realized enough to be a true ensemble piece. Rescued by a strong ending. 5/10.

Darkest Hour (2017) Dir. Joe Wright. This kind of biopic is difficult to grade. Winston Churchill was, of course, vile, and I’m uncomfortable with any film that would lionize him. But the film is limited in scope to perhaps the one decent thing he ever did, and even I can’t begrudge him that. So how do we reconcile a longtime villain with his moment of heroism? I’m not sure, but this film doesn’t even try. It makes passing references to Churchill’s “poor judgment;” in reality, that poor judgment meant the deliberate starvation of 3 million Indians, the massacre of a million British troops at Gallipoli, the imperialist attitude toward Ireland that leaves it divided to this day. I would have liked the film to address that less dismissively. The film itself is decent enough, but its fatal flaw is in what it chooses to depict, and what it chooses not to. 4/10.

The Greatest Showman (2017) Dir. Michael Gracey. This is a perfectly average musical, and I don’t like musicals. Also worth pointing out that the real P.T. Barnum did a lot of nasty stuff, some of it bordering on slavery. This film conveniently elides all that. 4/10. 

What We Do in the Shadows (2014) Dirs. Taika Waititi & Jemaine Clement. Uniquely funny movie with a uniquely funny premise: a mockumentary about four vampires who live together in an apartment in modern-day New Zealand. There’s not much more substance to it than that, but hey, there doesn’t have to be. 8/10.

Marie Antoinette (2006) Dir. Sofia Coppola. A visually rich and spacious film that puts a fun twist on the historical biopic, using lots of modern-day music and not forcing its actors into stilted “period” accents. I only wish there were a little more history, or maybe a little less. It tried to split the difference, doing service neither to history nor atmosphere. 6/10.

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TYB - Wild Card - The Da Vinci Code (2006)

Here’s our Deep Dive into this very bad film!

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Roundup - December 2017

Didn’t see many movies this month due to the holidays and my efforts to catch up on Twin Peaks: The Return.

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri (2017) Dir. Martin McDonagh. Entertaining and often funny, but doesn’t really know what it is.  It is a revenge flick about a woman going after the police department?  A drama about a sheriff dying of cancer?  A redemption story for a violent cop?  It tries to be all three and doesn’t quite succeed in any of them.  The film also seems to have open contempt for the idea of due process, and it gives far too much approval to a racist and abusive police officer.  Still, Frances McDormand is as great as ever, and Woody Harrelson gives his best performance in years.  And I give the movie credit for having a Townes Van Zandt song on the soundtrack. 6/10.

The Breadwinner (2017) Dir. Nora Twoomey. I’m a sucker for good hand-drawn animation, and this film comes from the co-director of The Secret of Kells and head of story for Song of the Sea, two of the best animated features of the last 10 years.  It’s visually gorgeous and wonderfully stylized, featuring both an understated earthen look for the main story and a colorful papercraft look for the story-within-the-story, a fairy tale told to Our Hero’s younger brother.  It also wins points for its immersion in the setting: Afghanistan under Taliban control, an unusual location for an animated feature.  But it doesn’t quite reach greatness.  The ending is spot-on, but the body of the film is somewhat under-emotional. 8/10.

Star Wars: The Last Jedi (2017) Dir. Rian Johnson. I reviewed this movie with my friend Ethan for our Youtube channel.  You can watch it here.

The Shape of Water (2017) Dir. Guillermo Del Toro. The quintessential Del Toro movie: visually magnificent, a fairy-tale-meets-harsh-reality plot, Doug Jones in a rubber suit.  In terms of thematic depth, this might be his best work since Pan’s Labyrinth: what looks on the surface like a star-crossed-lover story (between a human woman without speech and a merman, no less), but it also touches on solidarity against oppression and the poison of American hypermasculinity.  It’s sometimes overstated, but well worth the watch. 8/10.

Roman J. Israel, Esq. (2017) Dir. Dan Gilroy. I’m a tough audience for movies about criminal law, because I myself am a criminal defense attorney.  Roman gets the day-to-day details right and captures the feeling of working in a system that is openly hostile to you, but I don’t think the writer-director knows anything about the law.  At one point, Our Hero says something like “this is a real case based on precedents and legal derivatives.”  All cases are based on precedent, and the case he’s talking about has nothing to do with derivatives.  This lack of knowledge of the subject matter limits the film’s ability to say much of anything, making it not much more than a fun ride.  Also, Colin Farrell’s suit doesn’t fit. 6/10.

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Third Coast Film Review is back!

We’re back, with a video about Star Wars: The Last Jedi.  This is our first release filmed at our new location, and it’s a lot more digestible (17 minutes and change).  I’m really happy with how it turned out.

Give it a watch!

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Roundup - October and November 2017

Blade Runner 2049 (2017) Dir. Denis Villeneuve. Visually and aurally stunning, so much so that it would be a solid film no matter what. There’s a lot to love here: excellent performances from Ryan Gosling, Harrison Ford, and Ana de Armas, an excellent subplot about AI girlfriends, and even a surprisingly emotional ending. But the story is undercut by crowding, which becomes extra apparent in the third act when almost every major plot development happens within 5 minutes of each other. With more even pacing, this could be an all-time great. 8/10.

The Foreigner (2017) Dir. Martin Campbell. This movie was marketed as a Jackie Chan action flick, but really it’s a Pierce Brosnan political thriller about the remnants of the Irish separatist movement in which Jackie Chan sometimes beats the hell out of private security guards. It works pretty well, but I can’t help but wonder if this should have been two different movies. 7/10.

It (2017) Dir. Andy Muschietti. Solid, straight-up horror movie, despite some tonal inconsistencies. But, as is so often the problem with Stephen King film adaptations, there’s just not that much substance here. 6/10.

The Snowman (2017) Dir. Thomas Alfredson. The Snowman is not a finished movie: by the director’s own admission, they didn’t have enough time to shoot almost 15% of the script. It shows. Simply put, the pieces don’t all fit together, and the Big Reveal at the end would have been weak even if the buildup were properly done. But it did at least keep my attention. 5/10.

Geostorm (2017) Dir. Dean Devlin. One of the dumbest movies I have ever seen. Geostorm features Gerard Butler doing an American accent (which he is always terrible at), a big clock that says “Countdown to Geostorm,” a ton of handguns on the International Space Station, the most predictable Ed Harris heel turn of all time, and countless other incredibly dumb things, including the most hilarious bad dialogue line since Winter’s Tale’s “miracles are down by 50%!” The best kind of awful dreck. 2/10, but you should watch it anyway.

Thor: Ragnarok (2017) Dir. Taika Waititi. Easily the best of the Marvel movies, and it’s no wonder why: the Marvel bosses pretty much kept clear of it, and Waititi had the wisdom to lean into the inherent silliness of Thor and the Asgard mythos. Tremendously funny throughout, and in a way that didn’t detract from Thor’s remarkably compelling character arc. Worth seeing just for Jeff Goldblum’s portrayal of a deranged bread-and-circuses space emperor. 8/10.

Murder on the Orient Express (2017) Dir. Kenneth Branagh. A friend of mine described this as a film about how we get justice when the justice system fails us. I think that’s giving the movie too much credit, but it is significantly smarter than the awful Imagine Dragons song in the trailer would lead you to believe. Overall, it’s a pretty good version of itself—but there’s not a high ceiling for that. 6/10.

The Killing of a Sacred Deer (2017) Dir. Yorgos Lanthimos. When I left the theater, a staff member asked whether I like the movie. I told him I didn’t know. Then he asked what it was about. I told him I didn’t know. That is my review. 5/10.

Justice League (2017) Dir. Zack Snyder (and Joss Whedon, unbilled). Another movie where the production problems really show, especially with these two directors. Whedon and Snyder both have the same problem: they are incapable of writing distinct characters. Every Snyder character is a cynical, loathsome edgelord; every Whedon character is an unserious geek-chic quipster. The styles do not blend well. Still, this is one of the better DC movies, as it doesn’t openly express its contempt for its audience and for heroism in general. 4/10.

The Florida Project (2017) Dir. Sean Baker. I have a hard time reviewing this one. It’s well-made movie with a good heart, but it relies entirely on how much you like young children. I do not like them one bit (save for my nephew. Hi Brady!). The only character I wanted to see was a beaten-down property manager of a low-income extended-stay hotel (an excellent Willem Defoe), who did get a lot of screen time, but not quite enough that I wasn’t glad when the movie ended. 5/10, probably 7-8/10 if you like kiddos.

Coco (2017) Dir. Lee Unkrich, Co-dir. Adrian Molina. Fun, but terribly predictable, and like most of the recent Pixar flicks, it’s almost completely unchallenging. But it gets a long way on spectacular animation, great original music, and bittersweet themes of family, memory, and legacy. Good movie to bring your kids to. 7/10.

Lady Bird (2017) Dir. Greta Gerwig. Strong debut for Gerwig, with impressive performances from Saoirse Ronan and Laurie Metcalf as a daughter and mother with a strained but ultimately loving relationship. Tracy Letts is also great as the soft-spoken father of the family. The movie blends comedy and drama earnestly, and it’s clear that Gerwig has a good eye for filmmaking, especially with respect to editing. But the movie is held back by a busy script where lots of threads get dropped. 8/10.

Insomnia (1997) Dir. Erik Skjoldbjaerg. Good-looking and well-acted movie, but it’s impossible to root for any of the very awful main characters. Our Hero kills a dog and sexually assaults a receptionist. Without a strong story or character to latch onto, it’s hard to keep watching. 5/10.

Blade Runner: The Final Cut (1982/2007) Dir. Ridley Scott. An oppressive, moody atmosphere and soundtrack make this boring movie watchable. This version is often considered the definitive version by Blade Runner enthusiasts, but even it has serious problems in editing. It’s hard to piece a movie together 25 years later from an incomplete source. 5/10.

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Roundup - September 2017

9/11 (2017) Dir. Martin Guigui. 5 stereotypes get stuck in an elevator in the World Trade Center on 9/11.  With that piece of information, you can construct this entire film in your head without needing to see it. It’s not devoid of value, but the few good moments are buried in two hours of nothing. Also, it stars Charlie Sheen, an actual 9/11 truther. 2/10.

Mother! (2017) Dir. Darren Aronofsky. Beautifully made, powerfully acted, barely coherent. When a film can be interpreted in two or three different ways, that’s a good sign. When it can be interpreted in fifty different ways, less so. 5/10.

Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017) Dir. Matthew Vaughn. Just as much of a good time as the first Kingsman movie, replete with spectacular action sequences. But what makes this more than, say, xXx, is its surprisingly touching character work. Colin Firth and Mark Strong deliver terrific performances, and both have moments of genuine emotional power—in a film where people get cut in half with electric bullwhips. That’s no mean feat.  Sadly, the film is held back by about 20 minutes of “coke bloat,” as my friend Ethan put it. 7/10.

Friend Request (2017) Dir. Simon Verhoeven. Among the worst ideas for a horror film in recent memory: social outcast with hacker skills turns into a ghost (or maybe a witch?) that haunts Facebook to take revenge on her classmates. Also there’s a bunch of wasps. The film seems like a rough cut of a first draft, alternately predictable and baffling. But it does, at least, give us one of the all-time great bad lines: “unfriend that dead bitch!” 2/10.

The Trip to Spain (2017) Dir. Michael Winterbottom. The Trip is maybe the best franchise in cinema right now. Each is a travelogue following fictionalized versions of stars Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon, and each masterfully blends humor and melancholy to capture the feeling of a certain kind of travel: magnificent, but empty. Of the three, The Trip to Spain is the funniest, but this comes at the expense of some emotional weight. Somewhat disappointing, but appropriate for its place in the trilogy, especially on the heels of the terribly depressing The Trip to Italy. 8/10.

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Roundup - August 2017

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017) Dir. Luc Besson. Starring Dane DeHaan, Cara Delavingne. Unsinkably fun, and I mean that in the worst possible way. It tried to sabotage my enjoyment with whiplash pacing, embarrassing dialogue, empty romance, and one of the worst lead performances of all time from Dane DeHaan, but gosh darn it, I still had a good time at the theater. 6/10.

Detroit (2017) Dir. Kathryn Bigelow. Starring John Boyega, Will Poulter, Algee Smith, Jacob Latimore. This really should have been three movies: one about the 1967 Detroit riots themselves, one about the Algiers Motel incident, and one about the aftermath. Instead, this film tries to find space for all three, and undertreats each of them. But it’s a solid film despite its lack of focus, in large part due to director Bigelow’s always-excellent sense of how to capture tension. 6/10.

The Dark Tower (2017) Dir. Nikolaj Arcel. Starring Tom Taylor, Idris Elba, Matthew McConaughey. I’ve never picked up a Dark Tower book other than to clean my dad’s coffee table, so I can’t speak to how well this film works as an adaptation. As a movie, it’s perfectly serviceable schlock. The plot’s contrived, and the action looks straight out of a cheap video game, but it moves at a quick pace and has just enough cool stuff to keep an audience engaged. And who doesn’t love Idris Elba? 5/10.

Logan Lucky (2017) Dir. Steven Soderbergh. Starring Channing Tatum, Adam Driver, Daniel Craig, Riley Keough. A terrific character comedy. Channing Tatum continues to impress, as do Adam Driver and Daniel Craig in rare comedic roles. The film also has a great sense of timing and an eye for visual humor. But most importantly, it doesn’t treat its lower-class heroes as second-class citizens. 8/10.

Good Time (2017) Dirs. Benny & Josh Safdie. Starring Robert Pattinson, Benny Safdie. A solid thriller that attempts, with some success, to be a character study of a truly bad guy. But the motivations of Our “Hero” aren’t always clear, and without a clear arc, we’re just watching a destructive serial criminal get himself into increasingly bad situations. Still, it’s an exciting ride, and Pattinson deserves a lot of credit for bringing humanity to a character that could easily have been a monster. 7/10.

Wind River (2017) Dir. Taylor Sheridan. Starring Jeremy Renner, Elizabeth Olsen. Wind River is difficult to categorize. It’s not really a crime drama, even though it centers on a crime. It’s not really a mystery, even though the main characters are investigators. And it’s not really a revenge flick, even though it has its share of revenge. It also resists thematic categorization. Is this a movie about isolation and injustice? Is it a character study of the fathers of murdered children? The film can’t seem to decide. But it does glimpse into profound waters, and it gets a lot of mileage out of its stark, forbidding cinematography. Most of all, the film deserves credit for its excellently humanist portrayal of life on an Indian reservation in one of the harshest American climates, among people who America would rather forget. 7/10.

The Big Sick (2017) Dir. Michael Showalter. Starring Kumail Nanjiani, Zoe Kazan, Ray Romano, Holly Hunter. A perfectly competent comedy/drama about romance, devotion, and a clash of cultures. It has a lot of funny moments (many of which lifted directly from Kumail Nanjiani’s real-life stand-up routine), and it features a Ray Romano performance for the ages, and on the whole it’s a good-hearted film. But the payoff, wherein Kumail (playing himself) and his then-ex-girlfriend-now-wife Emily (Zoe Kazan) get back together, feels contrived, even though it’s based on reality. Real Kumail and Real Emily seem to have a good thing going, but Movie Kumail and Movie Emily should have parted ways. 7/10.

Punch-Drunk Love (2002) Dir. Paul Thomas Anderson. Starring Adam Sandler, Emily Watson. More evidence for the “Adam Sandler is Actually Good” hypothesis, but not much more than that. The film is built on a romance that, frankly, doesn’t make any sense. These people shouldn’t be in love. Add to that a bizarre subplot involving Phillip Seymour Hoffman as a small-time crime boss and you have a confused and confusing film, but a film not without its charms. 5/10.

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I know that you didn't write the review yourself, but anyone who gets turned off from A Ghost Story from the pie scene, of all things you could criticize the film for, probably doesn't actually know or care about movies all that much. (Additionally, calling that movie "surrealist" rofl)

I can vouch for Ethan’s extensive knowledge and appreciation of movies, stranger.

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A Ghost Story

Here’s another review from my friend Ethan, who hated the best film of the year.

If you are lucky you will go to the theater and see a film that will just baffle you–dazed, confused, angry or elated you will exit with the same thought coursing through your mind: “What the hell was that I just saw?” A Ghost Story, a film in which its protagonist (Casey Affleck) is primarily draped in a bedsheet with holes for eyes (i.e. ghost), is just that kind of movie. The story itself is familiar to any of us whom have seen more than two college art films: a young, attractive hip couple whose small arguments masquerade for real problems are Suddenly Struck by Tragedy. She leaves, but his spirit remains, waiting for her return.

And so the ghost story part of A Ghost Story kicks off. Our central…character? Hero? He’s more of a visual motif than anything. Our ghost sticks around for quite awhile–far longer than anyone would probably expect at the outset (the collapse of the known universe is implied), and haunts anyone foolish enough to try to have a happy life inside of his former home. Some actual scenes are sprinkled throughout, but a significant portion of the film’s length we are treated to some great original music over still, almost minimalist passages of our ghost walking across fields or standing in doorways or hanging out in board room meetings (easily the most harrowing sequence). The score carries every single scene it is featured in, and for good or ill the movie feels like a music video stretched far, far beyond its appropriate length.

Which sounds appealing–if not to you then at least to me personally. It turned on me early however, by inflicting a scene of our ghost’s widower (Rooney Mara) eating a pie for five minutes straight. After four minutes, I began to think about finances. Five people left my theater in the aftermath of that scene. Uncertain glances in the dark darted back and forth from the few who remained. Director David Lowery has gone on record for claiming the scene to be his finest work. This leads to an obvious conclusion: the film is not for everyone. It tests your patience on more than one occasion and I guess I failed early.

Much of this is a thematic rehash of Lowery’s similarly muddled Ain’t Them Bodies Saints, which stars the same leads as a similarly but-not-too-similarly doomed couple. If nothing else the Lowery’s expanding filmography shows consistent vision, but it is a vision that I have difficulty interpreting: when our ghost initially rises up from a hospital gurney I could not discern if it was meant to be ominous, funny, off-putting, or foreboding. Later in the film there is a conversation between two motionless ghosts standing at windows (their dialogue is subtitled) which I interpreted as a light-hearted comedic break in the film and another critic interpreted as the downbeat emotional core of the film. Is it both? Neither? Even for a game participant little clues are offered as to what the hell it’s getting at.

The major crime of A Ghost Story is not its strangeness of off-the-wall premise. It is the inability to take those elements and the talent beneath the surface (or above, in the case of its score) and make this film eminently watchable. An inconsistent tone can be a gift through editing and direction, but this film drifts between melancholy, sincerity, light-hearted humor, absuridsm and metaphysical baroqueness in a sluggish fashion which is less assured, more emotionally confused, and empty–a deathknell for a surrealist piece.

3/10

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Celebration Cinema North, asshole! I know you're just stalling!

Wasn’t that a one-day only thing?  I was busy.

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Bullshit! There was a showing at 7pm last night!

Where?

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I need to hear your opinion about this Brigsby Bear thing.

My opinion is “it’s not playing in my city.”