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[marryingamaiden]

Finding Normalcy: a Joel Miller Fanfiction

Part One

Tags: Joel miller x reader / joel miller fluff / literally just two conversations / SLOWWWW burn / papi pedro pascal

Word count: ~12k

this gif is so funny

You had known Tommy and Maria for a long time, ever since you settled in Jackson a few years after the breakout. Slowly you came back to some sort of normalcy despite the lost lives that darkened your mind once the sun went down. Every morning you made coffee in the kitchen of your small house; every morning being grateful that you finally had hot water. Every day grateful that Tommy had been kind enough to lead you here, and that Maria had given you a house to make your own.

To repay for the couple’s kindness you kept your home beautiful, always making sure the garden was growing something for the community even if that meant your living room was covered in foliage during the cold winter months. You still kept to yourself; being one of the quietest members in the community. You didn’t frequent the bar or attend many of the events planned, but you gave back through your tending of the earth. You didn’t like talking to people much, and most definitely did not want people to notice you.

Until you saw him ride in on that stupid horse.

He was burly and built, with weathered lines in his face that said more than he ever would. And you wanted to know him.

So you tried to forget about him, this world was no place to make connections. Despite your efforts, he kept appearing in the routine of your daily life. Your eyes accidentally caught his when you ran to grab flour. You heard his southern accent from across the block when he walked past your house. You successfully ignored him until Maria dragged you to a housewarming party for Tommy’s brother.

I guess it gave you a good reason to shower- which you’ve been putting off.

Anxiety filled you as you walked up the steps to Joel’s- whose name you had just learned a half hour ago. Social situations always made you anxious, your hands would fidget and pull at your clothes and the inside of your mouth would be raw from you gnawing at it. All of this anxiety has grown exponentially since the outbreak of this pandemic.

The sun had set and the light was soft and warm inside the house. The walls were still blank and and still carried the smell of vacancy- Mr. Miller hadn’t been here long enough to make a home yet.

The smell of food and alcohol filled your nose as your ears were drummed with conversations. You find Maria as your safe haven in the warm kitchen, steaming plates of food there to fill your mouth so you don’t have to speak.

“I can’t believe I finally dragged you out of that house, I thought you had died in there.” She says with a slight smile on her face, though behind it is a true motherly warning despite you being more than thirty.

“Well I do feel like I owe you, so I figured I might as well show my face.”

She smiles without looking at you and nods her head in the direction of the living room.

“Go introduce yourself to Joel. You’re both recluses so I’m sure it’ll be a riveting conversation.”

You purse your lips at that and mumble a fine before stepping across the threshold of the kitchen. You hated this. Joel stood next to the fireplace with his arm up on the mantle, the muscles in his arm rigid under his skin. He was in the middle of a conversation that he most definitely didn’t want to be a part of. His eyes met yours again because you were- in fact- staring, which made you drop your gaze back to Maria through the walkway. She just looked at you with that disappointed stare and you continued trudging like a child forced to say hello to your estranged family members.

You walked to his right, away from the rest of the people and looked up at him and he met your eyeline. Your heart was beating hard from the anxiety of an impending conversation of pleasantries. You hate pleasantries. A few seconds of an awkward shuffle of you both adjusting your clothes and coughing passes.

“Hello.” He says it more as a question than a greeting.

“Hi.” You finally make eye contact with him as you tell him your name.

“You know Maria?”

“Yeah, she brought me here a long time ago.” You looked down at your shoes.

He responds with a huff.

“So Tommy’s your brother?”

“Mhm.”

Silence.

“You have that big garden right?” He crosses his arms.

“Yeah… If you want anything, you know. Potatoes… lettuce… ” You trailed off wanting to name more vegetables but you figured you shouldn’t.

He harrumphed. You saw a tinge of a smile at the corner of his mouth.

“Thanks.”

“Well, it was nice to meet you. Drop by if you need anything.”

He looked up at you with those big brown eyes.

“I will.”

And with that you turned away and immediately downed a shot of scotch to calm your heart.

_______________________________________

A few days later you were tending your garden when you heard footsteps behind you.

You whipped around to see Joel standing with his brow creased. You thanked the heavens that you would be able to talk to him without the pressure of a party.

“Hey, how are you?” You stand up and your knees pop. God, you're out of shape now.

“Fine. I was wondering if you have something.”

“What are you looking for?”

“Strawberries.”

“You makin’ jam, cowboy?” He looked at you sternly.

“No.”

Asshole. “I have some inside, follow me.”

You hoped he wouldn’t be this blunt forever. His footsteps fell heavy behind you as he followed you into your kitchen.

You pulled out the fresh strawberries from your cupboard and began putting them in a box for him to take home. Joel paces around your kitchen, looking at the flowers and pictures you’ve put up on your walls. His eyes land on a painting in the center of the wall.

“I like this.” He gestured to the painting.

“Really? Thank you, I’m rusty after so many years of not being able to paint.”

“You painted this?” He turns to look at you and it seems as though that permanent crease in his brow has softened.

“I did, I painted a lot before the world fell apart. Went to school for it.”

“You’re good.” He turns back to the painting while a smile takes up your entire face.

You finish closing up the box and hand it over to him.

“Here you are, cowboy.”

“Thank you.” He seems less offended by your unwelcome nickname. “What do I owe you?”

“Oh no, there’s no need. It’s free of charge.” You smile at him and he looks at you seriously.

“So you can hold it over me later? Nuh uh.”

“No, no, really. I mean it.”

“I’ll find a way to pay you back.”

You really didn’t need him to pay you back, but you liked the idea of having him around more often. Despite his bluntness and ability to make you incredibly nervous, he made you smile.

As he begins to walk away you blurt out “My door hinges are rusting. I need new ones.”

He looks back at you with an enthusiastic nod.

“I can do that.” You smile as he walks away, hoping you see him again soon.

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