maskedseaweed

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Petroglyph Canyon Trail, Valley of Fire, Nevada, USA

Cole Marshall

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Apulian rhytons in the shape of animal heads (340ish, BCE)

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Fan. ca. 1725. Credit line: Bequest of Mary Clark Thompson, 1923 https://www.metmuseum.org/art/collection/search/209518

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Tibet Music Score ( Karma Kagyu )

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We were in contact with a system recently who we've since cut off. It was a whole situation we can talk for hours about. One thing from it that stuck with me - out of the many things that did - is how the fact that I am Korekiyo came up in conversation one, and back then the one of them who was talking had said that another of theirs has a lot of thoughts/a lot to say about that. It wasn't delved into then, because there were other things talked about, and it didn't come up anytime later. I'm still rather curious about it. I probably shouldn't be. I genuinely don't think those thoughts would hold any sort of value to me anymore. My desire might come from a mix of completionism and morbid curiosity. ... Oh yes, definitely those are the reasons.

I don't really have an end statement to this that feels properly solid. "I want to know what the thoughts were, but I won't, and really I don't think I'd get anything out of hearing them. It's something I hope I'll fully stop caring about.". That is it, I suppose. /shrug

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Thoughts on seeking sourcemates

I consider reaching out to people of my source again, but really when I look at its kin tag here on Tumblr, do I want to? The atmosphere does not inspire my positivity, and that sort of issue is one I run into often in alterhuman circles. It's just not the atmosphere for me. It's a very distinct case away from "the atmosphere here is bad". No, no, it is not bad objectively. It is bad subjectively. I personally do not feel as if I would get meaningful connection out of it. And I may be wrong about that, and by staying away taking the chance of finding something good from me, but at this point I've experienced discomfort in alterhuman spaces that I don't fit into too often.

It all makes me ask myself why I even want to reach out. Why is it I want to talk to sourcemates, really? I am not particularly yearning to talk to someone who's a double of who I remember (I am not open to finding canonmates). I don't really care. That is a focal point to my situation. If I felt differently, it would make sense for me to reach out, but I don't. So why is it not enough for me to have bonds with people who don't share my source? What do I want out of talking to sourcemates?

As far as I can tell, the answer to my questions boils down to how I want to be seen as me. Sourcemates know me. They know what I am about, and really, that is a stupid shortcut. Why don't I just show people who I am? Why would I want that ridiculous shortcut of people already knowing me through knowing my official canon version, which is an utterly risky situation due to it making people prone to see me as that version instead of seeing me for me? Parasociality is not typically spoken of in this context, but I believe it applies, and there is large risk of it and alterhuman areas in general, which I don't like.

Conclusion of the story is that I snip at my forehead and stick to the great alterhuman friends I already have, who aren't sourcemates but who've shown that they see me for me without preconceptions based on my identities.

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Antique Ram Vesta, with Glass Eyes, Match Safe, Silver Plate

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14000 years old bisons sculptures found in Le Tuc d'Audoubert cave. Ariege, France [1850x1250]

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Markhor Goat Head - copper alloy, shell, and red stone - Sumerian, Early Dynastic III, c. 2550–2250 BCE 

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Late Bronze-Age sacrificial well, c. 800-400 BC from "An Introduction to Celtic Mythology" by David Bellingham

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ITALIE, XIX XIX CENTURY

Chimère d'Arezzo

Bronze

Italy 19th century

Tajan

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Anastasi Afanaseva

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Virgil Ortiz

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A PAIR OF REGENCY GILT-BRONZE AND PATINATED-BRONZE GRIFFIN PAPERWEIGHTS

CIRCA 1815

Christie’s

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Cave of Forgotten Dreams dir. by Werner Herzog

A documentary of a remote cave in France called the Chauvet Cave. This cave is home to many ancient human-painted images, tens of thousands of years old.