mattsapartyanimal-blog

[mattsapartyanimal-blog]

As the leaves turn.

With the slow death of summer, so dies dies my happiness. I've sunk back into the pit that is my depression. I thought I would be able to manage this as I got older, but it has only gotten harder. I don't feel like me any more. I'm just some miserable asshole that is way to angry about everything. I need to learn to let go. I dwell on every little thing that upsets me. I feel as if everything is some sort of personal attack on me. The littlest things will set me off and send my mind into over drive. I just want to shut it off. I'm begging for silence in my own head. I think I'm in much need of a coma. The peace must be nice. I think I just need someone to talk to. Maybe then my heart might feel lighter. Maybe I'll stop screaming at myself when I'm alone. Maybe then I'll sleep at night.

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In my core of cores

When I look past all the preconceived notions I have about my self. When I peel back the things I'm trying to be. When cut through all the shit. I find myself and remember who I am. Not who I wanted to be or as others see me. There is only me. It's sad that I have to be an outsider of who I am. It's even worse that I've divided my self into two different people. A man of many faces, no of which are mine. I'm to tired of looking and peeling and cutting. I have to stop trying and simply be.

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I made up a joke!!

Q: What is the worst part of the Pope's job?? A: the Papal work.

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Walking away

Awhile ago I hit a cross roads in my life. I was faced with a lot of life choices at once. I didn't really know what to do about it, so I do what I always do NOTHING. I wait for something to explode so that I'm forced to deal with what ever I'm faced with. This method is actually not very beneficial believe it or not. It has cost me a lot in several different parts of my life. Doing nothing does way more in the long run I've come to find out. Doing nothing also leaves you with nothing. I'm completely empty. I have nothing left. My well is empty. So much so that I've started to romanticize death. I'm not scared of it anymore. I think about the last seconds of my life and how it must feel like a warm wave rolling over you. Like the last seconds of consciousness before you fall into a deep sleep. Then nothing, no more job, no more stress, no more shitty people, just no more. When I think about this I can feel a tingle that starts in my feet and climbs to the top of my head and works it's way back down into my chest before shooting down my arms and out of my finger tips. I feels really nice like a hug from someone you love very dearly. I've walked away from a lot in my short life. Now my legs are tired and my feet are bleeding. I don't feel as if I could walk another step. I just needed someone to lean on for a while. I'm trying to keep moving forward, but laying down and giving a weary mind a rest sounds way better.

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What are your thoughts on space docking?

All my thoughts on space docking are pretty sexy.

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[mattsapartyanimal-blog]

in ur expert, none-racist, cake-loving opinion, which cake is the MOST racist, if you had to choose?

Gluten-free cakes are the most racist.

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Is it weird that I'm about this?

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can you see my puddinnngg pop?!?!

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Turtle riding a loyal Capybara.

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Full house ain't nudden to fuck wit!

wu tang is 4 eva

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What a cute pup.

I think my favourite colour is chocolate chip cookies.

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HEY. YOU. LOVE THAT FACE YA GOT GOING ON THERE.

Thank you! I don't know how to answer this though. 

I like your face as well. 

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ROBOTS OR DINOSAURS?

Robots! One can make a Robot dinosaur so I can have the best of both worlds!!

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Knife in the water Opening credits