maybe-i-need-a-hug - Tumblr blog

[maybe-i-need-a-hug]

some personal stuff I just needed to vent out. tw death and suicide.

I'm trying so hard to pretend that I'm okay, but the truth is no I'm not. I'm frantically cleaning the house, then I just lose a day doing I have no idea what, then I'm working for fourteen hours straight, then I'm cleaning the house again because it feels impossible to stop. I sleep at night, kind of. For fifteen hours or for five, no in-between. Yeah, not healthy.

My father died two months ago. We weren't close for a long fucking time; he had a drinking problem, and I cannot for a life of me keep up social connections when I'm not living with a person under the same roof. I don't think we even talked since my birthday, and that was fucking September.

I know he loved me, I don't have a problem with that. We were really close when I was little. Then my little brother grew up a bit, and I became a teenager, and I don't think he actually knew what to do with a depressed teenage girl. It was easier for him to get closer to my brother. I'm pretty sure I forgave him for that. Both of them. I get why that happened. (It does still feel unfair though)

And then his health went south, and then he was drinking, and drinking, and drinking. At first it was to keep the pain away, or that's what he said. Then it just became a thing. He was already drunk at one pm and he was still drunk in the evening and that was going on for weeks without him getting sober.

He did drink before, but not that much and not that often. Sometimes he was just really talkative, sometimes he became angry. I don't remember much of that from my childhood; I only know that I'm terrified of drunk people. I had a panic attack once when I heard some drunk students outside my place; I was behind a locked door, and still I was having a panic attack, just because they were there, and I was alone and scared. I almost had a breakdown when at some concert a guy on stage tried to be cool and poured some champagne on the crowd and I couldn't get rid of the smell of alcohol on my skin, I could still smell it days after the concert. I can't fully trust people if I see them drinking, even if it's one bottle of beer and I've known that person for years, I just can't fully trust them again if I once saw them drinking. Sometimes I think that maybe my father did something not good when I was a child and my memory just buried it. Because there has to be a reason for this phobia, right? I'm not sure if I want to know. I'll never know now, I guess.

When he started to drink all the time, he was mostly depressed and sometimes angry. He said we didn't love him and respect him. He said to me once that one day I might come home from school and find his body hanging from the chandelier. I wasn't in a good place myself then; I just thought "well, we'll see who will be the first one to hang". It was like seven years ago. I can still hear his voice saying that in my head.

He wasn't someone who would go to therapy; he just kept drinking. I went to university, I finished it, I came back home, and he kept drinking. Mom left him. He lived alone for a year.

He died of cirrhosis. We didn't even know until a week later when one of his friends called my mom and said that he hadn't heard from dad for a while. We were just in time to get him a proper burial — a couple of days later he would be buried as an unclaimed body. He died in his house, he managed to call an ambulance, he had all the documents and his phone on him — nobody just bothered to call us, or his sisters, or anyone at all.

It made me so angry. It still does, but then I was just angry, nothing else — at the police, at the guys at the morgue, at those funeral agents, and, more than anything, at him. The fact that it was alcohol of all things that killed him. He had a lot of health issues, he had a chronic illness that was trying to kill him since his twenties, he was suicidal — and he died of a fucking cirrhosis. I wasn't even grieving at that point, I was just so so angry.

The thing is, he drank so much that at some point I had to admit that the Dad I loved and admired so much as a child is already gone. We used to talk for hours about everything, he used to take me fishing and skiing and swimming and whatnot, he used to be there for me, and at some point all of that was gone. Alcohol killed it. Killed him long before killing his body. I really thought I had accepted it and mourned it. I really thought I was kinda okay with his death since we didn't even properly talk for years.

I really am not even close to being okay.

I live at his place now — or rather at the place that was his for this last year and that was my childhood home. I was going through his things these past few days. I'm a fucking mess.

It's not a place of an alcoholic — it's not in ruins or anything. It's a place of a very lonely and very depressed person who had nothing but the past to hold onto. The photos from my parents' wedding are there, and little handmade presents that my brother and I made for him when we were little.

And it's not that I feel guilty for losing connection with him — he was drinking hard during this year and he wasn't going to do anything about it. We tried to get him to get some help, he never did. It's just... so sad. He was brilliant, he was so loving and loved. And I can't help but think about how he felt during this year. And how he felt before he died.

I was so angry at the funeral. I thought — maybe he was so drunk he didn't see that coming. Maybe he was so drunk he didn't notice his skin turning yellow until it was too late.

But the thing is, he wasn't drunk. He was going to paint the wall, the paint and brushes were still there when we came. There was a cup of coffee he made for himself, and a pot of porridge. It's not something a drunk person would do.

A part of me was so relieved it wasn't a suicide — it would haunt me for the rest of my life, I would probably bury myself in guilt for not doing anything after he told he was thinking of killing himself. What could I do, I was a fucking teenager with a self-harm problem, but still. I was relieved he didn't actually kill himself. But I can't help but think — maybe he didn't call for help before it was too late because he didn't want to. Maybe it was a conscious choice. Maybe he wasn't ready to kill himself directly, but he accepted death when it came to him.

I don't think this thought makes me feel better. It really doesn't, actually. But I guess I'll never know what happened that day — I'm not even sure I want to know.

A part of me was hoping to find something in his things — a note or something like that. Probably not a diary, he never had one, but something. An old letter to the future. Anything, really.

All I got was lots and lots of sigarettes, some mild sedatives and anti-stress pills, and all those things from the past all around the place. He didn't really change anything here since mom left. Maybe he was hoping she would come back. She never did. It was getting to the point when he almost punched her.

I have no idea why I'm writing all this. I guess I just needed to vent it out, and it's somehow easier to write it in English rather than in my native language. Also I have a problem talking to friends about such things, and my mom seems to try not to think about him at all. Can't blame her, really.

If you're still here for some reason, thank you for reading all this. It's really not the content that was supposed to be in this blog. Sorry.

[maybe-i-need-a-hug]

I was writing this au since this post and finished it at the end of April and was going to post it at the beginning of May, but, well, life happened, and I had zero energy (still do). Но, вау, у меня дошли руки это выложить. Вайбы трэшовенького клишированного ужастика и немного драмы. Добро пожаловать.

I also was going to do a sort of shortened translation, kinda like I did with the previous fanfic, but… again, zero energy. At some point, maybe, but it might take a while. Is anyone even interested? I dunno. Too tired right now. Sorry.

[maybe-i-need-a-hug]

[maybe-i-need-a-hug]

I started to write this post almost a month ago, but some bad stuff happened and I was… really not okay. But I'm getting better, kind of, so here are some (a bit angsty) night thoughts for you.

I share the fandom headcanon that Jason's father was not, you know, exactly the "father of the year" type. So, when Jason and Salim start to live together (because, as we all know, that's how the game ended, that's canon, right?), Jason sometimes becomes… overprotective of Zain.

He doesn't even realize that. It's just small things. Taking the blame for the glass that Zain accidentally broke. Trying to convince Salim that in Zain's age it's totally normal to come home late and a bit drunk, even if Salim is understanding and not actually angry. Stressing out when Salim and Zain argue, even if they both mean it as a joke. Stuff like that.

Jason doesn't realize that's the thing. Salim and Zain do.

"You know I love my son, right?" Salim asks one night.

"Yeah, I noticed,” Jason chuckles. “You've said that, like, a million times in the first hour after I met you."

"And you know I will never hurt him."

"Yeah, you'll probably hurt yourself first. Why?"

“You seem to… protect him from me.”

“What?"

Salim can see that Jason genuinely doesn't understand what it's all about. Salim tells him about all those small moments, about his obvious nervousness — and Jason is visibly embarrassed.

"Do you want to… talk about it?" Salim says.

"I'd rather not."

"Okay. And it is fine, you know. It is kind of cute."

"Fuck off," Jason grumbles, rolling his eyes.

Salim just smiles and changes the subject.

It's Jason who brings it up again in a couple of days.

"About… me being overprotective."

"Yes?"

"I wanted to make it clear… it's not about you being a bad dad or anything. It's just…"

There's a long pause as he is trying to find the words. Salim is waiting patiently.

"I had a fucked-up childhood, alright?" Jason says finally. "And my father… I mean, he meant well, I guess, but I do still have a couple of scars. And… well," it gets really hard for him to say that, "I guess, l myself wanted to be… protected. And, I guess, it'll stick with me for the rest of my fucking life."

He stares at his hands as if it's the most interesting thing in the world. Salim doesn't interrupt.

"And about Zain, it's… what's the clever word, projecting or something? I'm projecting this stuff on him, probably. I mean, I don't know shit about psychology, but that's a thing, right? It's just… not easy to stay chill when you two start arguing. Even if I know that it's really alright."

He sighs as if it was physically hard for him to say. He seems relieved that it is finally put into words.

"So, yeah. You're a great dad, and Zain is far better than I was at his age. And I'll try not to do that shit you told me about. Sorry."

It's Salim now who is trying to find the words. Jason never really mentioned his childhood; Salim did not expect this.

Salim could never understand how it is possible for a father not to love his own kid. Salim is not an ideal dad, of course; but it feels impossible for him to hurt Zain. Even to think about hurting him.

"I did not know about your father," he says as calmly as he can, even if something inside him is furious. "I will try not to raise my voice when you are around."

"No, that's… fine." Jason shrugs. "You don't have to. I mean, it's your family, your rules, you are both fine with that, and I'm just intruding."

"Jason."

"Yeah."

"You are a part of the family too. Have you not noticed?"

Jason mumbles something unintelligible and moves closer on the couch. Salim puts his hand around Jason's shoulders.

"I love you," he says. "And Zain thinks of you as the cool dad. Or, at least, the cool big brother."

"Yeah, that's all I lived for," Jason grumbles sarcastically.

He is smiling — he just can't help it.

It's all going to be okay.

[maybe-i-need-a-hug]

Imagine this:

After the fight in the hut Jason and Salim are the only survivors, and Jason knows: there's gonna be a lot of questions. About the death of his entire team, about allying with an enemy, about those things in the temple. Enough questions to lock him up for the rest of his life — if only to stop him from telling people the truth.

And his faith that the American army is doing the right thing is dropped as well. He has nothing to return to. Never had, really.

"You can go with me," Salim says, somehow knowing his thoughts. Is it really that easy to read his face? "We'll figure it out. We'll find a way. And your people will just think you're dead and your body is down there. They won't be looking for you."

Jason really wants to say yes.

"If your people find out about me, you'll be in trouble," he says.

"We'll figure it out," Salim repeats. "We fought and killed vampires. We can deal with everything now."

Jason can't help but laugh.

"Alright," he says, "lead the way."

And after some hours of walking they come to Salim’s house. It's peaceful and quiet and the sun shines brightly; Jason feels safe for the first time in a… long time, really. Nobody notices them as they walk; nobody tries to stop them.

Salim goes inside looking for Zain, and Jason has no idea how Salim is going to explain the situation to his son. Zain isn't there, though, but a note from him is; it seems they just missed each other. Salim leaves Jason in the living room to call somebody; Jason sits down on the couch and leans back.

He's fucking exhausted.

Salim is talking on the phone. Jason can't understand a word of it, but the mere sound of Salim’s voice is somehow comforting and calming. Jason closes his eyes — just for a second.

When Salim hangs up the phone and comes back to his guest, Jason is asleep. Salim can't help but smile: the brave marine still holds his gun and looks a bit like a child hugging his favorite stuffed toy in his sleep. His face is relaxed, there seems to be even a little smile in the corners of his mouth; this is the first time Salim sees him calm. Not stressed, or angry, or scared, or agitated — really, truly calm.

He looks very young right now.

Salim gets a blanket to cover him. Jason smiles a bit wider as he feels soft fabric on his skin. He doesn’t wake up.

Such a sort of instinctive trust makes Salim feel… tenderness.

And maybe something else. Affection. Warmth.

Love.

Salim settles down on the couch beside him. Jason instinctively moves a bit closer, still asleep.

They have some time before dark falls again. They have some time to rest and recover.

Everything is going to be okay as long as they're together.

[maybe-i-need-a-hug]

Can we please talk about Jason waiting for Salim’s approval when it comes to telling Nick that he’s surrounded by the vampires in the vault?

It always felt kinda weird for me that the choice of telling the truth or not depends on Jason’s relationship level with Nick and not Salim’s. I mean, it would be completely logical if it was actually Jason’s decision — but… it’s not. Jason is so lost and devastated; he can’t bring himself to make a call, he is just looking at Salim waiting for his decision.

That’s just heartbreaking. The cutscene is less heartbreaking when the decision is to lie, but this “telling the truth” thing is ruthless and rips my heart out. Jason’s face and the way he looks at Salim — this is one of those moments when he just seems so young and scared and tired that I just want to hug him.

Do you think he’s having flashbacks of the checkpoint incident here and the fear of making a mistake again makes him freeze? Whatever is happening in his head, only Salim’s words help Jason to snap out of it.

And the fact that Jason trusts Salim enough to just follow his lead here makes me feel the feels.

[maybe-i-need-a-hug]

This is such a nice scene, right? A happy ending, a feeling of the sun on his face.

…but boy was I freaked out during my first playthrough. The game took a moment to focus on him going out in the sun, it was very cinematic, and it made me so damn sure that Salim was bitten during the fight in the hut and he’s going to scream in pain or burst into flames or something like that. I know the HoA “vampires” probably don’t work like that, and I have no idea from what vampire movie or show my brain got the picture, but that was… vivid.

I kinda want to write a oneshot about that? If only for the sake of angsty hurt/comfort jalim moment? I mean. The infection makes you afraid of the sunlight, like Rachel instinctively tried to get away from the UV lamp. Someone probably would need to physically force Salim out of the hut… and probably hold him so the infection can burn out completely… You know. Somebody.

Fuck, I really want it now. Didn’t plan to. Oh well.

[maybe-i-need-a-hug]

And now to some headcanons and stuff from here about Jason inhaling the fossilized vampire and worried Salim. Nothing super-original, just some things I would love to share. Enjoy 😁

/warning: it gets kinda angsty/

***

As soon as Jason realizes that he might be infected, he makes Salim promise to kill him the moment they see that Jason really is turning into something.

“Even if the others are still alive, not one of them has the balls to end this,” he says. “You’re the only one who can do it. You have to do it.”

He can't help but think about Clarice and Joey. He saw what happened to Joey, he saw the thing moving under the skin of Clarice's throat. He's fucking terrified.

"I don't wanna die, but even less I wanna turn into a fucking vampire," he says. "The last thing I wanna do is rip your head off. Your son is waiting for you."

Salim does try to argue. "They did not bite you," he says, "it might be something else. We will get out, you will get some fresh air, you will feel better."

They both know that's not true.

"Just… promise me, Salim," Jason says. It takes some effort to add: "Please."

Reluctantly, Salim does make that promise.

***

Every time Jason starts coughing, Salim looks at him, worried. At some point, Jason snaps at him, really pissed off, because he is so sure that Salim is worried about the coughing being too loud so the creatures can hear it.

“I can’t fucking keep it down,” he says, “stop looking at me like that! You’re waiting for me to start turning or what?”

Salim looks at him, confused because of his anger. “I’m worried about you,” he says. “That does not sound good.”

Jason stares at him, puzzled. He was almost ready to say something like “fuck off and go in there alone, if I’m dying too fucking loudly for you"; now he feels a bit awkward. He has no idea how to respond to that.

“Oh,” he says and just keeps walking.

***

When Nick joins them like a fucking knight in shining armor, Jason is… not as happy as he thought he would be. Don't get him wrong, he is glad and relieved to see Nicky alive, but… Nick is mentally fucked up already, and some shit has happened today, and Nick has a tendency to overthink stuff. Jason just can't be vulnerable and scared around him; Jason has to be that badass marine, has to be the strong one — confident enough to make Nicky keep it together.

Jason is scared, probably dying and so fucking tired. It was so much easier with Salim alone, when there was no need to pretend he's okay.

All Jason wants is to get Nicky and Salim both to safety. Is that too much to ask?

***

When Salim asks him to tell Zain his last words, Jason almost laughs out loud. That requires some really fucking impressive level of optimism to think that Jason can last long enough to be able to go to Salim’s house after all what happened.

He is absolutely sure he's gonna die. He knows that even if he makes it out of here, no one up there is gonna give a fuck about finding a cure for him. He’s probably going to end up in some laboratories or something and die during some fucked-up experiments.

It doesn't really matter if he dies now or later. He just wants his death to not be in vain.

To go out with a bang, fighting vampires for a vague chance to save Salim — that's not the worst option. He’s okay with that as long as Salim survives.

They both make it to the lift, and that’s a fucking miracle.

***

Jason gets hurt during the fight in the shepherd's hut. He could anticipate that from the beginning: the cough made him throw away his shot, the creature attacked, and he wasn't able to dodge that or to protect himself.

Salim saves him. Of course it's Salim who saves him. Jason has almost got used to seeing this fucking metal stake right in front of his eyes.

Nicky is not that lucky. Nicky is dead, lying on the floor with his eyes gouged out, and there's some sick fucked-up irony in this. Jason gets to survive the fight only to be dead in a couple of days at best, coughing his lungs out, and Nicky is dead.

That's so fucked.

Jason isn't really paying attention to what's going on around him. Salim asks if he can dress Jason's wound, and Jason just nods, not moving away from Nick's body. Salim takes off his backpack and vest, cuts up the sleeve of the T-shirt to get to the wound on his shoulder.

A touch on his skin makes Jason flinch — or rather the sudden realization: he’s vulnerable, he can’t fight, and someone got close to him while he wasn’t paying attention. Salim says sorry, moving a bit away.

Jason is too tired to really care about it — or explain it to Salim, for that matter. He just lets Salim finish patching up his wound.

That doesn’t feel that wrong and uncomfortable, to be honest.

***

Jason doesn’t really think about Salim being an Iraqi soldier of the fucking Republican Guard — until he does. It didn’t really matter down in the temple. Here, on the surface — that's where it becomes a problem.

“You have to go,” he says.

He doesn’t even hesitate. He probably should’ve. That's probably treason.

Jason doesn't give a fuck about treason right now.

“I can’t leave you like that,” Salim says almost angrily, as if Jason insulted him. “You’re hurt. The shepherds may come back. What was that thing you kept saying? Semper Fi?”

“For fuck’s sake, Salim.”

Jason knows he has to make Salim go away. Jason would physically push him out of the hut if not for the wound and blood loss; Jason is too weak and tired to even argue.

Jason wouldn’t go away. How can he expect Salim to do that?

“Just… take my watch,” he says, holding out his hand. “Don’t fuck around for too long and get the fuck outta here before the cavalry arrives. Even if I…”

He doesn’t finish the sentence, coughing.

***

Jason does his best to stay awake, he really does, but the infection and the wound take their toll. His eyes are closing; he struggles to keep them open.

“Stay here,” Salim says.

“Ain’t going nowhere,” Jason mumbles.

He feels like he has to say something. He knows damn well he’ll never see Salim again; even if he will survive somehow, there’s no chance they’ll ever meet.

He’s never been any good at heart-to-heart chit-chats.

“I’m… glad I didn’t shoot you,” he says, causing Salim to smile.

“Well, I’m glad I didn’t shoot you,” Salim answers, chuckling.

Fair enough. Jason shakes hands with him, trying not to start coughing again, and leans back against the wall, trying not to pass out.

***

Jason loses this battle. He is half-awake, half-aware of his surroundings, leaning on Salim’s shoulder, unable to move or to speak or to open his eyes. At first Salim was trying to talk to him, keep him conscious, wake him up; now Salim is just sitting there, muttering something to himself from time to time. Jason can feel the warmth of his body and his hand that is placed on Jason’s back.

Jason spent hours wearing a vest and a backpack. Now a touch on the back through only a T-shirt feels… weird. Vulnerable.

Comforting.

He manages to cling to reality due to pure stubbornness. Salim is not safe here. Jason has to make sure he gets the fuck out before it’s too late.

There’s nothing he can do about that, really.

It feels like an eternity — definitely not a pleasant one — until something starts to happen around him. Salim gently helps him lie down, head on his backpack; Jason can feel Salim’s hand on his shoulder as Salim says something. Jason doesn’t understand a word of it, but there’s definitely guilt and regret in his voice.

“Just go,” Jason wants to say, but can’t make a sound.

He can hear a quiet “goodbye” and retreating footsteps. Salim’s gone — to his son, to safety. Nothing to worry about anymore; nothing to fight for.

The lights fade.

[maybe-i-need-a-hug]

So, I did write a fanfic about Jason inhaling the dead vampire that is based on the "it's okay, you're okay" thing… aaand it's in Russian, but I’ll put some of the headcanons and things from it into the next post. Stay tuned if you’re interested!

А если вы заинтересованы в околоангстовом относительно хёрт-комфортном тексте на 4к слов с кашляющим Джейсоном и тревожным Салимом, добро пожаловать на ао3 😁

[maybe-i-need-a-hug]

I was writing a post about how Salim is curious and careless enough to just go for it and start removing the debris of the truck to inspect the creature that got “smashed”; I went to wiki to check the title of the chapter ("Slayer", btw) and found out that you don’t have to remove the debris and the creature can just attack Salim if you fuck around long enough. I was 100% sure that he has to examine the thing so you can get to the next part of the game. Never got the scene with the vampire just attacking him. Okay, that’s definitely a legit reason to replay the whole game again. Obviously. I’m not obsessed, you’re obsessed.

Anyway. Speaking of being cautious and careful and stuff:

Jason is definitely the “live dangerously, take risks, touch the fossilized vampires” type, but Salim is probably even worse. And I’m not talking about the “let’s activate the alien console, what can possibly go wrong” moment (that one too though). That scene where he just decides to check out the creature under the truck, just out of curiosity? I mean, yeah, he probably thought that the thing was dead and smashed (never go near the “dead” bad guy, Salim, have you ever seen a horror movie), but still. He didn’t need to do that to get past the truck. He was just curious. That thing raises his “curious” trait. I love it. He probably didn’t touch the fossilized vampire only because the creature under the truck came back to life and kinda taught him a lesson; otherwise he would examine that thing before Jason even had the chance to do that.

Jason is the type of guy who would go to the haunted house to prove he’s not scared (and to hunt some ghosts, probably). Salim is the type of guy who would go there to investigate and explore and maybe get some interviews about the ages past.

[maybe-i-need-a-hug]

I like the "what's the first thing you're gonna do when we get outta here" interaction particularly because of the dialogue that happens, like, two in-game minutes before this one. On my first playthrough this part of the game looked literally like that:

Salim: let's talk about something else? tell me what your home's like?

Jason, hostile: I ain't here to make friends.

Jason, 0,0001 sec later: so, any plans for tonight? 😏🥰

I know that's just a scripted line that is not affected by their relationship level, but for some reason I just find it funny how fast Jason’s mood changes in this one.

[maybe-i-need-a-hug]

With Jason’s (in)ability to express affection through words (I mean, “I was wrong to judge you, you’re alright” and “Salim’s okay; annoying, but okay” — poor boy is doing his best) I feel like his love confession would sound something like “I’m… glad I didn’t shoot you in those catacombs”.

I also feel like Salim would understand. “Well, I’m glad I didn’t shoot you back at the farm then”, he would say, smiling, causing Jason to smile back.

No more words would be needed.

[maybe-i-need-a-hug]

I love Salim for so many reasons, and his excitement in the Star Chamber is definitely one of them.

I mean… he has just seen some incomprehensible horrors. His captain and all of his comrades died in front of him, and it was not a pleasant death. He literally is in hell fighting demons without any weapon but a metal stake. He just escaped inevitable death by mere coincidence. He still is in grave danger.

And yet he can admire the culture and the language of those very demons he just almost died to, and he can be sad because of their horrible fate, and he can be really really excited when that console thing makes a pleasant sound. I mean, look at him, he’s so happy. I love the way he says this "Oh! It's singing". It lives in my head rent-free.

And before that, when they find that seashell-looking artifact — they’re not even in the relative safety of the Star Chamber, they stand in the open and can be attacked at any moment, and Salim is so fascinated by this thing being some kind of a musical instrument. “Sounds like music!” — that line is one of the reasons I love him, it’s so pure, it restores my faith in humanity.

When I look at Salim being all excited, I understand why Zain is interested in mythology and ancient civilizations. It definitely runs in the family.

…and then there’s Jason “never been one for books, I’ll wait for the movie to come out” Kolchek. Opposites, indeed, attract.

[maybe-i-need-a-hug]

I find it both cute and hilarious that Jason and Salim tell each other to stay close, like, 400 times while walking into that vampire city/spaceship/whatever. I mean, it's a straight open road, you're not gonna lose each other, chill.

The hilarious thing is: of all the Anthology the vampire city was literally the only place where it wasn't that important to stay close. There were no hallucinations to draw someone away (Man of Medan), no weird ghost people from the past (Little Hope), no moving walls and traps and things (The Devil in Me). There were nothing that could take someone away that fast and silently as soon as you lose sight of them. Of course, it's safer to stay close, but it wasn't that necessary in this game. As I said, it's an open road, you'll notice the creatures before they approach, these vampires are not particularly silent.

And yet all the characters from all the other Dark Pictures games just go wild and lag behind and run away randomly (The Devil in Me, I'm looking at you). And the only duo that could safely put some distance between them keeps saying "stay close" and "i ain't going nowhere". I would assume they're just cautious and careful and actually have some brain cells, but we're talking about Jason "let's touch the fossilized vampire" Kolchek and Salim "I'm gonna activate the alien console" Othman.

What I'm trying to say is that they're gay and probably just felt safer being close to each other and wanted to hold hands. Thanks for coming to my ted talk.

[maybe-i-need-a-hug]

So, I was re-playing HoA (again) and I got Jason coughing because of that dead fossilized vampire thing and… well. Every time I play, I get a little bit confused by Salim’s “It’s okay. You’re okay” in the “Strange Aeons” chapter. Maybe I’m missing something here being a non-native English speaker, but it just seems so random? Like, it’s not something you usually say to someone who is coughing, right (or am I just being silly)?

Well, anyway, I’ve got a headcanon that this line was not about Jason’s well-being, but about the fact that he is not turning into a vampire and that he does not have that parasite thing in his throat. I like to think that Salim is trying to tell him something like “You’re okay, you’re still you, don't be scared, you are not infected”. That just seems… right.