mayflowerdjh - Tumblr blog

[mayflowerdjh]

i feel bad so i’ll just sad post on here

[mayflowerdjh]

oh okay ouchie that hurt too

[mayflowerdjh]

why does that hurt every time????

[mayflowerdjh]

[mayflowerdjh]

your weight doesn’t determine whether or not you’re beautiful. your family doesn’t determine whether or not you’re loved. your achievements don’t determine whether or not you’re deserving or intelligent.

stop loving yourself conditionally and letting these things tell you whether or not you’re good enough. you’ll always be good enough and you always have been.

[mayflowerdjh]

So you’re feeling suicidal…

I’m not going to sugar coat it; it happens, especially for those of us suffering from BPD, Depression, and other mood and anxiety disorders.

And sometimes, it’s really fucking scary

So here’s my unsolicited advice to you; take it or leave it

*Personally, when I get really suicidal, like the “shit the rope is around my neck” or “the pills are in my hand just fucking take them” the last thing on my mind is “how can I save myself”, so…

Step 1: fight the urge. Survive the near attempt. Find a fucking ounce of hope that convinces you to live

*this can be anything, ie: because I love fuzzy sweaters, or because there is so much art I haven’t done

Step 2: ok, so you survived the near attempt, or very scary serious thoughts. Chances are, you’re still feeling pretty agitated, depressed, suicidal, or an impossibly infinite number of emotions. For me, the next step is to focus on something other than myself

*I use an app called “Calm Harm”. It is intended for self harm, but works equally as well for suicidal urges. It gives you suggestions and different tools to help pass the urge to self-destruct. Some are distractors, expressive outlets, or meditative techniques.

Step 2.5: if the urge does not pass, remove yourself from the unsafe environment. I cannot stress the importance or genuine effectiveness of this tool. Go to the library. Take a walk. Do what you have to do.

Step 3: When I manage to ride the wave, pass the urge, I am almost always left feeling numb, emotionless, and terrified of my own mind-more often than not, this makes me want to self harm.

If you are left feeling like you want to self harm, return to step 2: ride the wave, wait for the urge to pass.

If you do self harm- don’t beat yourself up about it. It happens, and usually it’s not the end of the world. However, if you do self harm, please take care of yourself afterwords

Step 4: if you’re feeling like you are able to, or if the option is feasible, remove the dangerous objects from your room; ie. pills, ropes, knives, razor blades, etc.

This can be a difficult step to take. Push yourself to take it, but make sure you take baby steps. Removing all coping mechanisms (such as cutting) can make things worse in the long run. So take it slow. Start with putting your pills in the bathroom so that they aren’t there to temp you, or moving the ropes to the garage. You’ll get there, but give yourself time.

Step 5: Self Care. Whether that is cleaning the wounds, making some tea, curling up with a good book or taking a nap, self care is key. You made it. You can do this. This is not the end of your story.

Being suicidal is no easy feat, and each and every time you get through that battle, you are one step closer to winning this war.

I’m proud of you for making it through those feelings and this post.

You are strong.

You are important.

You have an amazing future.

You just have to do is survive long to find it 🖤

[mayflowerdjh]

send requests🌸

send in requests! I'm in the mood to write some reddie oneshots

[mayflowerdjh]

sometimes i forget about the actual canon story so someone will mention eddie’s wife and im like ???but???he gay???

[mayflowerdjh]

“you better make me better.”

s u m m a r y : eddie catches richie smoking for the first time

w a r n i n g s : underage smoking, swearing (it’s richie duh), throw up (I’m pretty sure that’s a warning??), hella gay bois, oh and it’s short

richie tozier x eddie kaspbrak (also they’re aged up to about 16/17 so don’t freak out y'all)

°•°•°•°•°

Richie lay on the bleachers, he squinted his dark chocolate eyes at the cigarette in his hand. He’d never smoked before, but fuck he wanted to.

He took a deep breath and sat up, still looking at the cancer stick in his hand. He lifted it to his pink lips and reached for the lighter in his pocket. The smoke burned his throat as he inhaled and his lungs stang as it swirled through them. He tried to hold the smoke hostage in his lungs, but he involuntarily squeezed it out and into the fresh air.

Richie sucked on the cigarette again, this time the smoke seemed to go into his stomach and it pulled everything that was in his stomach at the time out with it.

Just as the lurching stopped, Richie heard a familiar voice shout his name. He looked down to the bottom of the bleachers where he saw a boy.

His melted chocolate hair looked as though it had been thoroughly mixed by the wind. His face held a look of concern and horror. Richie would have smiled, were his throat not still burning from the bile that had been ejected from his stomach.

Eddie ran up the metal steps to reach Richie who was sitting doubled over with a cigarette between his elegant fingers and a wet mouth and chin.

“Eds, calm down I’m fine,” said Richie as he looked up at the worried boy.

“You just fucking threw up, that is literally your body telling you that you’re not fine,” Eddie said irritatedly as he slung Richie’s lanky arm over his shoulder and tried to help him stand.

Richie smiled lazily, “Mm this feels nice,” he said referring to the feel of them being so close.

Eddie tried not to blush as he helped Richie down the steps. He kept his head down until they got to the bottom. Eddie tried to move Richie’s arm from around his shoulders, but Richie protested.

“I’m comfy like this, Spaghetti,” he said looking at the smaller boy’s skin glistening in the sun. His eyes sparkled and his cheeks were shaded red. Richie wanted nothing more than to kiss him until his lips were swollen.

They’d kissed a few times before, most were drunken make outs and the others were quick pecks on the cheeks and forehead, but none of these actions were taken seriously. Friends kiss, right?

Richie leaned in to give Eddie’s forehead a peck, but Eddie dodged it.

“You’re literally covered in throw up and germs I’m not letting you any closer to me until you’re better,” Eddie said sternly, trying not to think about what Richie was about to do.

“So you’re saying that if I let you make me better I can be closer to you than I am right now?” Richie said, leaning his head slightly towards Eddie’s.

“S-shut up Trashmouth, let’s get you cleaned up and then maybe we’ll talk about it.”

The two boys walked to he nearest bathroom and Eddie made Richie sit next to the sink so he could clean him up. Eddie got a piece of toilet paper and wet it. He then gently wiped at Richie’s chin and mouth, trying not to blush at the thought of touching the other boy’s lips. Once he was satisfied he pulled out a small bottle of mouthwash and handed it to Richie, who smiled at him and took the bottle.

“So, why were you even trying to smoke anyway?” Eddie said, leaning on the sink next to the one Richie was currently gargling over. “You know how bad it is, do i need to show you those pictures again?”

Richie just sat back next to the sink and smiled at the smaller boy. Eddie would have melted at his smile if he weren’t so upset.

“I thought it’d be fun,” Richie said, still smiling.

Eddie almost snapped, “Richie that shit could literally kill you! You’re such a fucking dumbass! Why would you risk your life just to look cool?”

Richie’s smile didn’t even wane and his eyes flickered over Eddie’s face. “You’re so cute when you’re mad, Eds.”

Eddie rolled his eyes at the boy on the sink and tried not to smile at his cheese-filled words.

“C'mere,” said Richie as he reached his long freckled arms out to invite Eddie to his warm chest.

Eddie had to look down at the white tiled floor to hide his blush as he shuffled into the the raven haired boy’s arms.

“Hey,” Richie said in a gentle voice, causing Eddie to lift his chin up and rest it on Richie’s chest, “I promise i won’t do it again.”

“Really?” Eddie’s voice was soft and pleading as he looked up into the swirling pool of chocolate coloured eyes.

“Really,” he answers trying his hardest to convey his sincerity through his melodic voice and dark, glistening eyes.

Richie leaned down to nuzzle Eddie’s nose softly, it was almost like a pinky promise. Except way gayer. Eddie could smell the mouthwash on his warm breath. Both boys went to close the gap between their lips at the same time and ultimately ended up clashing teeth.

They laughed at their own eagerness, but soon became serious again when they remembered how close they had been to kissing.

“Let me do it,” Richie whispered and he leaned in to caress Eddie’s soft lips with his own.

The kiss was a little awkward since this was the first time they were kissing without the influence of alcohol, but it felt so good.

‘better than cigarettes,’ Richie thought, 'way, way better.’

°•°•°•°•°

okaayy it’s done, i did it! i hope y'all cuties like it and I’m sorry if it sucks oof. I’m sorry it took so long to write this my life has been intense this week, but here it is.

also, I’m so happy y'all liked my last oneshot i wasn’t expecting such a positive reaction, thank you soo much i love you all alreddie! (wow I’m annoying)

p.s sorry if there are any mistakes, i just really wanted to get this posted

[mayflowerdjh]

so I'm hoping my next oneshot will be up on sunday sometime. my life has been pretty crazy this last week so that's why it's taken so long but it's on it's way!

[mayflowerdjh]

[mayflowerdjh]

“let ‘em talk, 'cause we’re dancing in this world alone.”

S u m m a r y: basically two boys can’t hide their feelings for each other.

w a r n i n g s: swearing? uuhh gay shit but y'all knew that

richie tozier x eddie kaspbrak

sorry it’s so short

°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Eddie was sat at his kitchen counter, head resting in the palm of his hand, doing his math homework. He was trying to get it done before Richie came over to watch the Star Wars movies with him. His mom had gone to visit his aunt’s for some event Eddie hadn’t cared enough to remember.

Just as he finished the last question he heard a loud knock on the front door and muffled shouting.

“Calm down, Richie,” Eddie yelled back through the door as he made his way over to open it.

Eddie had liked Richie for the longest time. He’d realised it when the losers all went to the quarry one day. Richie had been lying in the sun, shirt under his head acting as a pillow. Dark curls crashed onto his freckled forehead like waves onto a shell studded beach. The warm rays of the sun jumped on the trampoline that was Richie’s ivory skin.

Eddie was yanked out of his daze by another shout from Richie. This time he could hear the words “cutie” and “fucker.” Only Richie had the talent to put those two words in the same sentence.

Eddie tried not to smile as he opened the door to reveal that damn face. Richie Tozier’s eyes shone with a mischievous sparkle and his hair soft and messy. His lips were pulled into a plump, lopsided smile. Eddie couldn’t stop thinking about kissing him senseless, until Richie could no longer speak. Now that would be bliss.

“It’s a great view isn’t it?” Richie’s voice broke through Eddie’s daydreaming yet again.

'Shit. I was staring.’

“S-Shut up,” was the only thing Eddie could manage to get out of his mouth. His cheeks were red now, he knew it, he could feel it.

“Hey, hey, hey don’t go stealing Bill’s brand, mister,” said Richie stepping into the house, “Or I’ll have to tell him to steal your brand.”

Eddie had gained his composure just enough to answer, “And what’s my brand?”

Richie smiled a genuine smile as he walked passed Eddie, “Being adorable. Obviously.”

'Is he flirting?’

“Ya know what Eds, i think he is flirting,” Richie walked closer to Eddie now and whispered into the shorter boy’s ear, “Maybe you should flirt back, ya’ know so he can know if you want him to ask you out.”

“Shit, I said that out loud, huh,” Eddie’s palms were sweating now and he was pretty sure he could be mistaken for a tomato right that second.

“Yup,” Richie said, popping the 'p’.

“Oh, fuck it,” Eddie said right before he turned around and grabbed the lanky boy’s cheeks, turned his face up and pulled Richie’s lips down towards his own. For once Eddie was glad Richie’d worn his contacts.

Their mouths synced almost immediately. Richie tasted of cigarettes and… marshmallows? Eddie almost laughed at the thought until Richie grabbed his waist and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss further. Eddie’s hands dropped to the nape of Richie’s neck where he played with the small curls that resided there. Richie smiled into the kiss and Eddie let out a small giggle, but it was muffled by Richie’s mouth on his.

“So, uh, Star Wars?” Eddie said/asked once they had reluctantly and slowly pulled away.

Richie smiled so wide Eddie thought his skin might split. “Yeah Eds, Star Wars.”

°•°•°•°•°•°•°

The next day at school Eddie was sat at the losers’ usual table in the noisy cafeteria. He was hunched over a textbook, trying to memorise his Biology work, he’d forgotten about the test that day. The rest of the losers had yet to arrive, so it would have been relatively easy to focus were it not for that fact that all he could think about was Richie’s arm around his shoulders while they were watching the movie. Or, how soft Richie’s hair was between his fingers.

Eddie shook his head as if to rid himself of the thoughts. Just as Eddie had started to focus on the work again he felt someone tap his shoulder. He turned around and was attacked by warm lips and the taste of cigarettes. Eddie pushed his new boyfriend away from him.

“What the fuck?” Richie said, smiling and sitting down next to the smaller boy who had turned to face him with a frantic look on his face.

“They’re looking…” Eddie said softly, not making eye contact with the boy in front of him.

Richie looked around the table at the empty seats and smiled again, lifting Eddie’s chin gently with his slender index finger. “We’re alone Eds,” his voice was softer than it had ever been.

Eddie tried not to think about the fact that he might be the reason Richie was becoming so soft and gentle lately.

“We’re alone, sweetie,” he repeated, dark eyes glancing slowly between Eddie’s eyes and mouth.

“But they’ll talk…” Eddie tilted his head towards the other tables filled with loud teenagers who had just been 'subtly’ observing the scene.

The boy shrugged his narrow shoulders, “Let 'em talk.”

°•°•°•°•°•°•°

author’s note: sorry it was so short and bad, but here’s my first oneshot! sorry if there are any mistakes and i hope you guys like it. please leave requests in the comments and let me know what you thought! thanks so much for reading xx

[mayflowerdjh]

i'm going to be using these prompts when i write my oneshots ✧･ﾟ: *

✧･ﾟ: * prompts based off of song lyrics*:･ﾟ✧

1. “it’s so sweet knowing that you love me”

2. “All your lights are red but i’m green to go”

3. “When i wake up i’m afraid somebody else will take my place”

4. “Arms, legs, gut, face, all the things you love but i hate”

5. “Sharing beds like little kids and laughing til our ribs get tough”

6. “tell me i’m not going home and ill stop waiting by the phone”

7. “Let em talk, cause we’re dancing in this world alone”

8. “You better make me better”

9. “pretend you found somebody to mend you”

10. “When you’re in the half light, it is not you that i see”

11. “Don’t know you super well but i think you may be the same as me”

12. “Sometimes we’ll talk all night long, we won’t shut up”

13. “Sickeningly sweet like honey, don’t need money, all i need is you”

14. “I know that I’m not that important to you but to me girl you!re so much more than gorgeous, so much more than perfect”

15. “Polaroid of you dancing in my room”

16. “If ‘i love you’ was a promise, would you break it if you’re honest”

17. “She took you on a ride in summer baby”

18. “Maybe you’re right, maybe this is all that i can be”

19. “If you’re gone, then how is any of this real”

20. “I let you find out on your own and i find myself alone”

21. “And i’d be lying if i said i didn’t miss you”

22. “I used to like liquor to get me inspired, but you look so beautiful my new supplier”

23. “7 in the afternoon, half asleep, count the cars”

24. “Just picture me leaving and not coming back”

25. “All i think about is you constantly, that’s the hard part”

26. “I don’t have to see you right know”

27. “Why can’t you understand me”

28. “Static on the line, i hear it all the time”

29. “But i’m brighter when you make me fade”

30. “Because none of it was ever worth the risk but you are the only expectation”

31. “I’m not in love, so don’t forget it, it’s just a silly little phase i’m going through”

32. “Sunday driving always felt so lonesome”

33. “Why’d you have to have such a damn good taste in music, if all my favorite songs make me think of you i’m gonna lose it”

34. “I miss your kiss, I miss your lips, I miss your kiss already”

35. “You bring the bleach, i’ll bring chlorine. We’ll dye each other’s hair colors no ones ever seen”

36. “We don’t need your hard attempt to turn us into somebody else”

37. “Midnight strikes, we’re on our own, watching our TV”

38. “It’s just you’re so cool and i wanna steal this moment with you”

39. “And all you punks are too cool for school”

40. “You don’t get me high anymore”

41. “I’d rather die than to be with you”

42. “Tell me all the ways to stay away”

43. “I’d rather be black and blue than accept that you withdrew”

44. “So i got ditched freezing, alone with my thoughts”

45. “Can’t stop staring at those ocean eyes”

46. “You really know how to make me cry”

47. “I wanna be alone, alone with you- does that make sense?”

48. “I don’t know what feels true, but this feels right so stay a sec”

49. “I lost myself again but i remember you”

50. “I don’t keep love around”

[mayflowerdjh]

Richie, taking Betty Ripsom’s shoe from Bill: This bitch empty! YEET  

[mayflowerdjh]

Eleven: I love you more than waffles.

Mike: Let’s not say things we don’t mean.

[mayflowerdjh]

hey

hey friend

dont kill yourself tonight ok

you have a really pretty smile and i know its not always easy to manage one but itd be a bummer if we never had the chance to see it ever again

youre really important and you matter a lot so stay safe and try and have a nice sleep

[mayflowerdjh]

Stranger Things Season 1: Ugh why is Nancy even bothering with Steve when Jonathan is RIGHT. THERE.

Stranger Things Season 2: Out of my way, i'll date Steve Harrington myself.