meanslackofart

[meanslackofart]

just saw an edit of fleabag and hot priest with the audio of the song Shauq from Qala. edits that has either only reminds me of only one person. i don't have that person in my life anymore, no they aren't dead, just not connected with them. and yes i have my person now, with whom I'm happy, I'm loved and everything but they once used to be my person. that person taught me to be able to break infront of them without thinking over the months I got to know them but i knew this wasn't going to last long considering i knew what the problem could eventually arise forcing us to spilt out paths. that's exactly what happened.

so now every time I see an edit with either of those two, I am remembering that person i lost who helped me to become me and to be able to accept the help from others.

[meanslackofart]

ummmmm ok *disappears into my portal*

[meanslackofart]

sanz?

umm yes?

[meanslackofart]

don't invest in me, i don't give good return

[meanslackofart]

finally met my friend after ages a few days back and was telling her how I went from being a text person to staying on call for hours to sleeping on video call now. her only response was "tum toh gyi"

[meanslackofart]

24 me se 10 ghante i was on a call, that too also video call. crazy.

[meanslackofart]

wish there was a pill for mood swings

[meanslackofart]

weird things are happening... things that I used to find cringe have become cute.. wtf. what is this guy doing to me?

[meanslackofart]

grab her by the brain

[meanslackofart]

people shouldn't be scared of how I can harm or hurt them, people should be scared of how I can harm myself at times

[meanslackofart]

This year has taught me that anybody can change suddenly, doesn't matter how close the bond is.

[meanslackofart]

real

[meanslackofart]

There is supposed to be a place where no one can reach you. Traditionally, the home, but now we settle for the ocean, the airplane, the summit of a mountain, the middle of a lake, the shower, the womb, the grave

[meanslackofart]

this anger will soon consume the fragments of my soul eventually. as my way of persisting to endure finally becomes shallow, and i am no longer able to scream in silence. god, it is agonizing how the silence of my rage is beyond my heart can handle. my hands will soon refuse to hold my destructive existence and I'll scream until my last pulse completely fades. I will deliberately let anger slip out of my tongue. I will loudly unsuppress atop the layers of my silenced throat, for all I've done is to endure.

[meanslackofart]

Randomly just busting into tears because no one really knows what's going on In my heart

[meanslackofart]

i feel so suffocated in this house, yet I'm somehow breathing. that has to be the biggest hypocrisy in my life

[meanslackofart]

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