mechabot-ultror

[mechabot-ultror]

Social media can be pretty evil overall (ice cold take, I know), but it does make me happy to see bands I really like get a huge boost in popularity from going viral.

I've loved Beach House and MGMT since their first albums, both are good examples bands with solid, full discographies. My sister's music taste ranges from mid-2000s hardcore to 'playing Thriller on repeat, ad nauseum', so when even she's playing Me & Michael I know there's at least some good to that surge in popularity.

Also, I'm selfish and I like getting new work from my favorite artists, and both those bands keep putting out better and better work. They deserve every cent they can get from the predatory business they're made to deal with. It also helps drive turnout for live gigs - the venue at the last Beach House show I went to was packed with people of all ages.

But still, my brain is stuck in that place in 2012 when Bloom released, so seeing that they have 129 MILLION monthly listeners still blows my mind. I don't care if it's from 1 viral song, if virality opens the gate to new fans and new success for them, then everyone kind of wins. They still need to be paid better by the streaming platforms, but at least it's something.

[mechabot-ultror]

Ranking Which Final Fantasy VI Characters Would Make the Sickest Secret Skaters in Tony Hawk's Pro Skater

I recently wrote a ranking list of which Octopath Traveler II party members would make sick-ass secret characters in Tony Hawk Pro Skater. As I just beat Final Fantasy VI for the second time (my first playthrough being well over a decade ago), I thought it might be to the benefit of all mankind that I write the same list, but for these characters.

Oddly enough, I think this one has a lot of tougher calls, but someone has to do it. These choices are mostly on vibes alone, and for the record, I love every character in this game. I just think some of them would make particularly dope skaters - so just like with the other list, feel free to agree or disagree.

14. Umaro

Skating as Bigfoot is not unprecedented for the Tony Hawk's series. However, Umaro would not be a secret skater. Umaro would be one of those weird-ass, Tony Hawk deeplore secrets that you only learn about from watching a 2-hour long THPS YouTube iceberg list. Or, better yet, he'd be one of those playground rumors your friends tell you about, like 'you have to grind the entire bowl in Canada, no cheats enabled, and if you nail it just right then Umaro bursts out of a mountainside cave where you can also see the bones of Eric Sparrow'. Then again, I can just as easily see them making him an unlockable skater after unraveling his esoteric shredlore, so I'm putting him here on a technicality due to an abundance of yeti-and-or-yeti-adjacent representation.

13. Cyan Garamond

I actually don't think Cyan would disrespect skateboarding, I just think he'd encourage his party pals to shred before ever getting on a board himself. Doma's reconstruction efforts might even include a skate park so that Gau has a place to play that isn't filled with monsters. He'd certainly respect the sheer skill that goes into shredding, I just think he's just good at picking his lane (Bushido) and sticks to it. It's also hard to ollie while dual-wielding kazekiri blades, don't ask me how I know.

12. Celes Chere

Controversial to put her so low, I know, but hear me out: she can shred, I know deep down she could do it if she tried. She may be proficient in both magic and physical attacks, but I just don't see Celes wanting to skate. She's basically forced into being an opera singer - a kickass one, as it were - so I know that if she was really needled into doing it, she'd be able to nail that 99.9 score on Marseilles. But therein lies the problem, I think she'd be too annoyed watching Locke eat shit one too many times while trying to kickflip to ever get on a board herself. Celes can certainly survive a spill, at least.

11. Sabin Rene Figaro

He's athletic. He's awesome. He'd come out the gate with a Doom Train deck. But I'm not sure if Sabin has the patience for flatland tricks - not without kicking his way through the deck. The amount of boards this man would snap would set new martial arts records. Sabin would still gladly help build all of the skateparks around the World of Ruin and I think he would have something of an eye for good gaps, but he's kind of like Cyan. He's got his sport, he's great at it, he just knows where his strength lies... literally.

10. Shadow

Oh, he'd be in the game, alright. We all know Shadow would look SO dope on a skateboard. He would have incredible moves. But he would be so goddamn annoying to unlock that nobody would even know he exists. You would have to straight up get every single goal on every single map, including the secret ones, and get every single skater to max stats. Plus, would he really want to skate? I feel like he'd be doing it out of sheer spite. He would, at least, come with a sick-ass board with Interceptor as its design. On one hand, it's extremely easy to picture him doing a 360-melon over the fountain in Minneapolis, on the other hand, you know that sickness comes at the cost of your soul, handed over to Tony Hawk himself, who chuckles while sipping it out of a Big Gulp cup.

9. Strago Magus

A man who can literally mimic any monster's move would be an absolute beast on a skateboard, he'd likely have all of his Special Move slots unlocked right out the gate. The question of whether or not he'd want to skate is up in the air, though. He's shown as kind of clumsy, but his background as a younger guy shows him as pretty ballsy, so it's probably just an age thing. But we're not ageist here. If Tony Hawk has proven anything, it's that you can really put yourself through the wringer and come out on the other end. He would, however, wear a helmet and kneepads, and I don't know why it's so easy for me to picture Strago in that.

8. Terra Branford

Here we start seeing characters that I think would thrive in THPS. Terra busting out moves that show off her Esper look would be the sickest thing imaginable. She's already seen floating around a lot in games like Dissidia so you know her hangtime stat is straight blasted out. But would she actually enjoy skateboarding? Probably. She'd see how much it impresses the kids in Mobliz and would try her best to give them a good show. Plus, I'm not even sure what exactly she'd be doing with herself after restoring balance to the world, so she might as well be learning how to balance herself on a skateboard.

7. Edgar Roni Figaro

If Benjamin Franklin can be a secret skater, than politics are not off the table and Edgar being a king does not disqualify him from the X Games. He's known to have a knack with machines, so I feel like he'd take well to skating. He would absolutely see the whole culture as incentive to get more ladies, and he would not be wrong at all. He would get them... including the demoness from THPS3. He would use his kingdom's spoils of war to turn Kefka's Tower into the sickest skatepark known to man. I feel like he would get a particular sense of satisfaction out of nailing a nollie over the Warring Triad, too.

6. Setzer Gabbiani

If he can convert the Blackjack to a flying casino, than he can absolutely convert the Falcon into a flying skatepark... though, only if he thinks Darill would approve. No, he'd probably just make an entirely new airship, which would basically be the THPS 3 cruise ship, but you know. In the air. He would have all the most stereotypical gambling-themed designs for his boards and special moves. Plus, you just know that handsome mug is not afraid of bailing. Fearless. This is a man who knows how to have fun, but knows how to get shit done when it gets down to it. His whole ethos feels very skater coded.

5. Relm Arrowny

Simply put, she's got the right energy for it. She's like a couple other characters who would take to skating so naturally, on the virtue of her in-game moveset/gimmick. Except being an actual child with actual-child-energy levels would mean she could go far, if she got into it. All of her decks would be her own artwork, or it would be fan FFVI fan art submitted to the devs for some kind of contest. And would her skating antics around Thamasa piss Strago off? Yes. And that makes it even more fitting.

4. Gogo

Gogo can learn literally anything, instantaneously. He would be able to learn absolutely any skate move, any special move, and he would have perfectly balanced stats to fit that mold. Every one of his boards would just be pixel art of the other characters. He's so strange, his lore is so vague and bizarre that his entire existence is already just 'secret character'. His inclusion as a THPS secret character would be one big meta gag, which is so fitting for a game that is fond of shitpost humor. For me, it's really easy to picture him and his I-don't-match-like-Caillou-outfit fluttering around while hitting a cannonball 720 off of the first gap on School 1.

3. Locke Cole

Locke just looks like he was made in a lab to be the Tony-Hawk-Final-Fantasy-Crossover guy. On pure vibes alone, this guy just fits in seamlessly with a skating game. If you put him on the original THPS roster and let people play as him, they'd never bat an eye, they'd just assume he's some skateboarder they've never heard of. He's a thief. He's a rebel. He's absolutely tearing up Vector the first chance he gets. He'd have the craziest speed stat and definitely more than enough balance to prove himself as the best street skater on the roster. Bonus points for having a Phoenix/Rachel themed board.

2. Mog

Marketable plushies, ahoy - if SquareEnix was going to needlessly foist any character into a Tony Hawk game, you just know it would be a moogle (or Cloud Strife). Mog's moveset has him adapting to actual landscapes, so he'd take really well to any park, whether street or vert. He's quite possibly the best Dragoon in the game if you equip him with the right gear, so you know that airtime is insane. Plus, just think of those little wings wiggling around whenever he's doing grab moves. He loves breaking the fourth wall. His energy is as goofy as his board stance, he's almost the perfect secret skater from this game.... almost.

1. Gau

You can literally throw this kid to the wolves, and he comes back knowing their deepest secrets. Throw Gau at Tony Hawk? He'll be pulling off 900s in his sleep. He's like Strago and Gogo, but with way more Bart Simpson energy, and no, I don't know how to explain that. It's probably the hair (which just screams 1994-era skateboarder). Put Gau in absolutely any skatepark, next to any pro, and he'll be copping their moves instantly. He's got complete over-caffeinated-on-Red Bull-energy. He's tough as nails and has the highest potential for sick moves out of anyone in the cast. And all those monster-themed boards - Chocobo, Behemoth, Stray Cat... need I say more?

And there you have it, a list of which characters from Final Fantasy VI would survive and thrive in the stark aftermath of the Tony Hawk World of Ruin. I'm going to let all of you decide where Kefka might fit on this list.

Safe/sick travels to you all.

[mechabot-ultror]

Lupin

(sax)

He's a nice man.

But he's cruel.

Y'know...

He uses Walther.

Yeah... the machine cries...

bang bang.

Yeah, he's the Lupin the III.

Nice man. Yeah - he smiles.

And he gets angry

(sometimes)

But...

he's a groovy guy.

(AUDIBLE RIP IN THE SPACETIME CONTINUUM)

Yeah. Lupin III.

Go...

go man.

You got to...

FEEL it.

Yeah, Lupin. Yeah, Lupin.

You're great.

[mechabot-ultror]

Ranking Octopath Traveler II Characters on How Sick They'd Be as Tony Hawk Pro Skater Secret Skaters

With the advent of THSP3+4 right around the corner - and having just played through one of the best RPGs ever - I thought it might be best to sort out just which of Octopath's namesake Travelers would make sick af cameos in THPS, with notes. Enjoy, feel free to agree or disagree with this assessment.

8. Osvald

This man objectively despises fun, in all of its form, including skateboarding. He's way, way too busy puzzling out the mysteries of monster blood to spill his own by eating shit on a halfpipe. He doesn't care about what's going on in the haunted house in Suburbia, or where exactly the Evil Tiki portal leads to, because neither have answers to the One True Magic. If only he knew the true heart of magic is found by getting a 99.9 during the Rio skate competition, by grinding the outer edge of the skatepark (seriously, try it - there is nothing better in this life than hitting that full loop).

7. Temenos

I love Temenos. He might be my favorite character in all of Octopath Traveler. That said, he is 100% too busy working on his Fire Emblem 7 LTC on an original GBA cartridge to worry about learning the optimal route around Skater Island. He's overly concerned in sorting out an optimal army in Final Fantasy Tactics, without using Ramza as a monk (but he still uses Cid). He's a great character, but he would be such a chore to deal with at the X Games. He was the first to call out Otto Rocket for not actually nailing that Super McTwisty 9000. Doubt is what he does, after all.

6. Castti

While Castti doesn't choose to shred, I believe she still can (it's just really easy for me to picture her doing a cannonball grab through the greenhouse glass on the Cruise Ship level). Still, I think she'd prefer to sit it out, too. Love her character. She might even have one of the best stories in the series. Doesn't mean she likes skateboarding, though... but I don't think she'd hate it. It likely keeps her in business.

5. Throné 

This is the purest "sure, I guess" choice on this list. She was my starting character and I loved every chapter of her tale, even with how dark it got. She's way nicer than your typical femme fatale - but can she land a Christ Air off the Skyway Gap on Downtown? Actually, yeah, I think so. She'd nail it with style. Throné proves herself to be chill af time and time again, I think she'd respect skateboarding for what it is.

4. Hikari

Hikari shreds for his friends. Also, can you imagine a THPS level based off of Ku Castle/Castle Town? Because I can, easily. That entire palace might as well be the Burnside of Solistia. Not to mention, if you punch in the Konami Code then you also unlock Shadow Hikari. he would 100% have the sickest board designs, too.

3. Agnea

This is kind of easy pickings, she's not only a dancer but an incredible entertainer. You know her Special moves would be absolutely beyond extra, though maybe a little hard to pull off. Her rail and manual stats would just come blasted to max out the gate. Agnea Bristarni is the closest thing JRPGs will ever have to Rodney Mullen (sentences you will never read anywhere else, follow me for more).

2. Partitio

This is 100% vibes. But I know, I just know that I am not the only one who can easily picture this guy pulling off a 1080 Madonna off the final ramp of Downhill Jam. He just has the right energy. It's not even a skill or character thing when it comes to Partitio, even though I think he is the heart of Octopath Traveler II's team. I just know in my heart that he's friends with Tony Hawk. Partitio is currently retrofitting Roque Isle into a free-for-all secret level.

1. Ochette

Consider the following: using an owl to help you bridge sick gaps. Boards designed after Tera, Glacis, and Acta. Busting out even more monsters for Special moves - plus, unlike the guys at last place here, she'd absolutely love skateboarding, and that's what's most important here. Every skateboarder I knew in real life was basically fueled by Slim Jims and Monster, so if ever there's been a perfect fit, it's our favorite beastling.

And that's it for our list of Octopath Traveler II characters that would make for awesome Secret Skaters in Tony Hawk's Pro Skater. If you have any other popular JRPG filled with characters you believe could shred, let me know and I'll rank them. I'm playing through Final Fantasy 6 again right now, so those guys might be next.

Safe/sick travels to you all.

[mechabot-ultror]

Your 2025 Nominees for New Members of the Q Continuum

Nominees will be absorbed into the continuum and granted the power to alter, create, and destroy any form of matter or energy. Is that how it works in the Star Trek universe? I don't know, I don't care. It's Q time. Nominees are chosen on the grounds that they have Q in their name.

Yes, there are many more characters with Q names.

Yes, you may respond to nominate anyone you like.

[mechabot-ultror]

I got Chilchuck for my fiancée and left him on her chair when she was off desk. He's a librarian now.

[mechabot-ultror]

Hello, new blog!

I'm getting back onto Tumblr after a bighuge break (I also lost my old login info, so fresh start over here!)

What will this blog lead to? Who knows! In celebration of this return, I'm sharing some of my old Miiverse drawings that were salvaged after it's shut down. Enjoy!

I love to draw, and I love to write. I am a freelance journalist who often covers music news, so I'll share anything that's particularly neat.

Here's a list of game series I love and follow. Feel free to follow me if you'd like to see drawings and whatnot of all this stuff, and I'll gladly follow back:

Story of Seasons/Bokujō Monogatari (especially Mineral Town)

Fire Emblem

Yakuza/Like a Dragon

Octopath Traveler

Bravely Default

Harvestella

Final Fantasy

Metal Gear Solid

Death Stranding

Earthbound/Mother

Castlevania (mostly the games/rarely the show)

Wild Arms

Resident Evil

Silent Hill

Pokemon

The Legend of Zelda

If you like the old Miiverse drawings, you can check out more at the Archiverse page for my old 3DS profile, Aujourdoof.

I forgot how nice Tumblr is to use. Have yourselves a good day if you came across this post!