mendokuse19

[mendokuse19]

[mendokuse19]

in 2025 let’s bring back being enthusiastic on ao3. leave a comment on every chapter. leave kudos and, if necessary, leave “double kudos” in the comments. tags and notes on bookmarks. the whole nine yards. let’s show fanfic authors how much we love them.

[mendokuse19]

[mendokuse19]

the purpose of friends is to have people who unconditionally hate your shitty exes & relatives. like maybe YOU have a complex relationship with your father but i sure don't. i'm outside his house with a gun. he's not the unforgivable asshole who raised me he's just an unforgivable asshole

[mendokuse19]

This needs to be shared, needs to be read, and most importantly heard.

Sertraline- Zoloft

Venlafaxine- Effexor

Citalopram- Celexa

Mirtazapine-Remeron

Fluoxetine- Prozac

Duloxetine- Cymbalta

Seroquel- Quetiapine

Lamictal- Lamotrigine

Lexapro- Escitalopram

Wellbutrin- Bupropion

Lorazepam- Ativan

Klonopin- Clonazepam

Abilify - aripiprazole

Tegrotal - carabamezipine

Buspar - buspirone

You may know what these tablets are or know a loved one who takes them, but in case you don't, I will fill you in. That medication allows people to deal with a normal day to day life. Although most days it leaves them tired, spaced out, emotionless, or even super emotional.

Crazy right? Why would anyone want to feel like that?

Well this is why!!

You see, some people suffer from severe depression and anxiety.

In their brain it doesn't sit right, something seems different. They notice little differences that other people wouldn't. Most days they wake up sick and feel sleepless.

They consistently overthink every situation.

Was a comment about them; was it a joke?

Was that person supposed to laugh?

Or did they mean it?

Are they being nice?

Are they talking about them?

Do they talk about them?

They then think, I bet they don’t like me really.

They say sorry all the time. They feel like they annoy everyone.

And for all those questions they will spend hours trying to answer. Let it all build up in their mind, until it sends them to tears...... it's mental that they see things that way.

It's not only mental changes, but physical changes. They don't eat a lot or they eat way too much. Insomnia, up all night answering questions to situations that don't even exist, or sleep too much and waste half their day still feeling tired.

They still smile and they have every excuse for when you ask why.

But the tablets can help them. Because they know when they start to feel this way or think this way, they need help.

They know that when their behavior starts to change, They need guidance. And they understand that they don't need to be ashamed. They don't need to be understood. They just need to be accepted. Everyone is fighting a battle and sometimes you need to be kinder.

So I may just be another person who's talking about mental health....

Living with this illness is hard, but trying to understand it, is even harder. It’s also 100 times harder if they have another condition on top of this.

Don't suffer in silence.

Mental health is just as important as physical health.

Be part of the healing.💚

Be understanding.💚

Be kind. 💚

💚 I’m on 2 of these now!💚

Sometimes don’t even try to understand, just simply love that person, support them, and be there when they need you. Some people in my life have truly mastered this, and for you I will forever be grateful!

[mendokuse19]

Fire, Wind, and the Smoke In Between Pt. 3

Chapter 3: Observations

Real friends are the ones you can count on no matter what. The ones who go into the forest to find you and bring you home. And real friends never have to tell you that they’re your friends.- Mindy Kaling

Chouji and Ino were Shikamaru’s oldest friends, their families close enough that they felt more like sibling pack mates than teammates. Their parents were close too. So close that Shikamaru and Ino were almost born on the same day. It was a playful tease that the shadow nin used against the kunoichi that he was still older than she was, even if it was less than a day.

There was a window to present with your secondary gender, and it rarely happened on your birthday. Generally a few days before or a few days after, you would express. For Ino, she expressed two weeks early and it kind of became a joke that Shikamaru was just too lazy to do so when his birthday had come and gone, nothing was worrisome, yet.  A month was typically the longest window, but not completely unheard of. When it had been almost two months though, Shikaku and Yoshino had gotten concerned.

Sakura had started hanging around them after that. She’d been the first to know because she had been in there. Shikamaru supposed she could relate to him because he felt like he was being left behind. It made it easier, having someone to talk to that just knew and she helped him tell Ino and Chouji. She had already started to fit when she expressed that spring and it became clear that her and Ino were meant to be.

Despite all of this, the Akimichi Heir found it funny that Shikamaru was completely unaware of his own feelings when it came to Naruto. A genius he may be, but the Nara was completely oblivious, and it seemed the blond was too. Perhaps it was good that neither of them acted on their feelings considering Naruto’s true mate was Sasuke. Years of knowing the Nara meant Chouji knew that had they been together and then Naruto left him for Sasuke, they might not have gotten him back out of that hole of depression.

Looking at his face now as Temari pulled away from him made him wonder if he was going to make it this time.

The wedding was beautiful, but of course it was since Ino had planned it. They had decided to get married in early spring. The Yamanaka Alpha wouldn’t say why, but Chouji and Shikamaru knew it was because the Sakura trees were blooming. The blond was completely smitten on the pink-haired medic and it was obvious the omega felt the same. They truly were perfect for each other and they had never seen Ino glow so much. Aside from the sakura trees, white and purple flowers donned the benches and both of the brides had bouquets to match.  Inoichi’s absence was felt, but her teammates were happy to give her away and stand at her side. Naruto, Sai, and Sasuke stood by Sakura’s side though her father had walked her down the aisle.

The reception, in Chouji’s opinion, was even better but that was because his family had catered the food. All of their friends were there and it was easy to see just how much Sakura and Ino were loved. Even Temari had come as Shikamaru’s plus one and his best friend didn’t seem happier. The only thing missing for Team Ten this day was their sensei. For all of his aloofness and lack of expression, Chouji knew that Asuma’s death had hit Shikamaru the hardest. He knew that Shikamaru still blamed himself, blamed his cowardice for their mentor’s early death, even if there was nothing that could have been done. It was nice to see the shadows gone from his friend’s face, even if it was just for today.

Because at the end of the day…

Temari smelled like she belonged to someone and that someone was not Shikamaru.

Chouji was on his second serving of cake when he saw it. Two sets of eyes, one azure and the other onyx, were fixated on the shadow-nin. The conversation was too low for the redhead to make out, but their eyes spoke volumes. Ino-Shika-Cho was a team that surpassed generations and it was the Akimichi’s job to protect his teams. Often times, that meant seeing threats before they could get to them and by now, he felt he was damn good at it. Despite seeing their eyes full of longing, the edges going soft as they looked at his teammate, Chouji did something uncharacteristic of himself. Setting his half-eaten cake aside, he grabbed four beers (because the way things were going, Shikamaru would be joining them soon) and moved to sit beside the two alphas.

“The last time two alphas looked at my teammate so closely, they tried to kill him.” Chouji shared two of the beers he had grabbed and took a sip of his own. He didn’t miss the way the Uchiha raised an eyebrow and Naruto sagged beside him, knowing they were caught. “Kakuzu and Hidan are both dead now, but I don’t think you two are looking at him in the same light.”

“Are we that obvious?” Naruto laughed nervously as Sasuke rolled his eyes.

“You couldn’t be subtle if you tried, Dobe.”

“Shut up, Teme.”

“You boys are all loud,” Ino chimed in as the two newlyweds walked up. “What are you being obvious about?”

The Akimichi heir hid his grin behind his drink as the blond beside him flushed in embarrassment. Ino was even more observant than he was and if she hadn’t noticed already, she would soon. This allowed his dark gaze to shift back to his best friend just in time to watch Temari pull away. Frowning, he watched Shikamaru quietly pull himself together. The brief meeting of their eyes told him enough, and Choji merely offered the extra beer in offering before watching the Nara turn back to the Princess of the Sand.

The bench the three of them were sitting on was big enough that all four of them could sit comfortably, even if they couldn’t spread out, so when Shikamaru finally approached them, Chouji slid down, offering the space between him and Naruto. What he didn’t expect was for the blond to follow him and instead offer the space between him and Sasuke. Ino-Shika-Cho had always been a close pack, even as children. Sakura became a part of the pack before she expressed, having been one of the few outside of the pack to know about the genius. Naruto had eventually joined their pack when he got back sometime around the death of his mentor. Chouji wasn’t sure what happened, but Shikamaru and he had become closer and Naruto had been another to know. Sasuke wasn’t quite a part of their pack, not yet and something in Chouji yanked at him to pull his best friend close to him. Instead, he watched as Shikamaru slumped between the two alphas and accepted the beer silently. He and the two women traded a look but didn’t speak up.

Shikamaru hadn’t been privy to the prior conversation before he slumped down on the bench, but the beer on his tongue was cold and it gave him something to do rather than face the pitying looks around him. Luckily, by luck or by the fact his friends understood, Sakura leaned forward and flicked both of her teammates in the nose.

“Oi, both of you bakas are sitting here and not allowing two beautiful women to sit down,” she barked without the bite her tone held when her teammates were actually in trouble. Both alphas yelped at his side and held their noses. Despite being a minor flick, Sakura was frighteningly strong but Shikamaru sent her a grateful look over his bottle anyway. At first, Shikamaru couldn’t stand the pink-haired medic, but then, he could barely stand Ino despite them having grown up together. It seemed all women he knew were just like his mom, troublesome and in the Academy, Sakura and Ino both had been obsessed with Sasuke. He didn’t start appreciating her presence until his parents made him go to the hospital after he never expressed.

“It’s rare, but there are some cases in which someone never expresses.”  She said, her blond brow furrowed in concentration.  The rest of the room fell into silence.  “It happens often enough that they’re filed as a neutral.”  Another pause as Tsunade looked around the room.  “It’s a benefit for shinobi.  Their biology doesn’t plot against them and they’re not influenced by hormones. It’s not a bad thing, Shikamaru.  At least you won’t have to buy scent blockers.”

He didn’t feel lucky and despite Sakura coming over to sit by him and check on him, he couldn’t help but overhear his parents and Tsunade.

“It’s possible he won’t be able to give an heir for your clan, and it’s entirely possible that a relationship could be difficult. There are a lot of possibilities here. Just hope for the best and be prepared for the worst.”

His mind only heard one thing.  Unlovable.

Shikamaru had been surprised when it had been her that crawled into his room the next night. He’d given himself time to process everything, his own parents keeping it quiet until he was ready. Outside of the three of them, only Tsunade and Sakura were aware and in hindsight, he realized it was likely his parents encouraged Sakura that it was okay to come into his room. 

“Hey, scoot over. It’s cold.” He’d jerked upright at the sound of her voice, hand automatically reaching for the kunai beneath his pillow before he had processed who it was.

“S-Sakura?” The name was punched out of him, his voice ragged from crying.

“Of course dummy. You didn’t join us for barbeque because you were asleep. Ino and Chouji said you didn’t show up for training today so we came to check on you.” His eyes widened at her words and he reached out to grab her shoulder.

“You didn’t tell them, did you?”

“Of course not. You can when you’re ready, but they’re being insufferable. Their packmate is not feeling well so they needed to be close to him. Alphas,” she rolled her eyes, something that made his lips twitch despite the dark room. “Anyway, I figured I’d tag along and I convinced them to let me check on you first in case you were contagious. If you want them gone, I can tell them you’re highly contagious and have hives on your face. That would get Ino-pig out of here faster,” she laughed softly and he found himself grinning in response. “Otherwise, your mom let us put a large futon in the living room and said we could have a sleepover. I won’t let them hog the covers, and you don’t have to tell them, but if you do want to, I can stay too.”

He found himself reaching out to her to tug her close and bury his face in her neck. His mom had always held him that way when he was younger and he once again sought out comfort when he was in pain. Her birthday was in a few months and for that moment in time, they were the same. He let himself have this.

“You’ll stay if I tell them?” He said several moments later.

“And beat them both if they can’t be nice, I promise.” He found himself laughing, the sound watery.

“Okay,” he murmured, glad that she had come. They had never been close before, but after that night, he found himself seeking out her company. When she expressed and became Ino’s mate, it felt right for her to be a part of their close-knit pack.

Shikamaru was brought back to the present as the pink-haired medic practically fell into his side, Ino on her other side. Apparently, she had succeeded in convincing the two alphas to stand and he found himself grinning at their confused glances as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

“Happy, Imouto-Chan?” The Nara Genius spoke, for now the despair melting away as he was surrounded by family. He felt Ino grab his hand on Sakura’s shoulder and give it a squeeze.

“Of course, Onii-chan. I’m one lucky girl.”

“Nah, Ino is the lucky one, don’t let her tell you any different. And you’re doing Choji and I favor by getting her off of our hands.” Shikamaru winced as his hand was squeezed a little harder, but Sakura and Chouji’s laughter soothed over the tease.

“You’re lucky I know I’m lucky, Shikamaru,” Ino sniffed.

“You guys are all…really close.”  It had been easy to forget that others weren’t privy to their dynamic and Naruto and Sasuke were no different, despite being Sakura’s teammates.  He didn’t say it, despite wanting to tell Naruto and Sasuke that when the two alphas had left, their third teammate needed people she could rely on.

Shikamaru merely shrugged before holding up his nearly empty beer. “To the girls on our teams who always knocked some sense into us guys. May they take care of each other in ways they always saved our asses.” A drink to the girls and conversation melted back into the way it was before he had ambled over. A few minutes later when other wedding guests were vying for the couple’s attention, Shikamaru found his beer empty and him standing. “Have fun on your honeymoon, enjoy your vacation. The rest of us miscreants will wallow in our work,” he teased before giving them both a hug and leaving the party.

Chouji had the front row seat when Ino and Sakura caught the other two alphas staring at the genius as he left. Their eyes snapped to each other in silent conversation, finally agreeing on something before Sakura reached up and grabbed their ears, tugging them close.

“Really?” She admonished, crossing her arms.

“Sakura-chan, we don’t know what you mean, we weren’t staring at him.” Sasuke had been the intelligent one and remained quiet, but had outed them easily. Sasuke barely refrained from facepalming. The pink-haired kunoichi’s green eyes narrowed as she looked at the two men. 

“No,” she ordered and Ino looked like she was ready to chime in as well but Sakura’s parents came over and commanded the newlyweds attention. With a sigh, Chouji drained his beer and stood.

“They’ll get over it. They didn’t see the way you were looking at him earlier. Take it slow and don’t hurt him and they’ll come around.” Chouji shrugged. “Tell Ino and Sakura I left with Shikamaru.” The Akimichi walked back to the table to get another piece of cake before leaving the Alphas to their thoughts.

Notes:

Translations (That may not have been used right) Dobe - Idiot Teme - You Imouto-Chan - Little Sister Onii-chan - Big Brother Baka - Idiot

Real friends are the ones you can count on no matter what. The ones who go into the forest to find you and bring you home. And real friends never have to tell you that they’re your friends.- Mindy Kaling

Chouji and Ino were Shikamaru’s oldest friends, their families close enough that they felt more like sibling pack mates than teammates. Their parents were close too. So close that Shikamaru and Ino were almost born on the same day. It was a playful tease that the shadow nin used against the kunoichi that he was still older than she was, even if it was less than a day.

There was a window to present with your secondary gender, and it rarely happened on your birthday. Generally a few days before or a few days after, you would express. For Ino, she expressed two weeks early and it kind of became a joke that Shikamaru was just too lazy to do so when his birthday had come and gone, nothing was worrisome, yet.  A month was typically the longest window, but not completely unheard of. When it had been almost two months though, Shikaku and Yoshino had gotten concerned.

Sakura had started hanging around them after that. She’d been the first to know because she had been in there. Shikamaru supposed she could relate to him because he felt like he was being left behind. It made it easier, having someone to talk to that just knew and she helped him tell Ino and Chouji. She had already started to fit when she expressed that spring and it became clear that her and Ino were meant to be.

Despite all of this, the Akimichi Heir found it funny that Shikamaru was completely unaware of his own feelings when it came to Naruto. A genius he may be, but the Nara was completely oblivious, and it seemed the blond was too. Perhaps it was good that neither of them acted on their feelings considering Naruto’s true mate was Sasuke. Years of knowing the Nara meant Chouji knew that had they been together and then Naruto left him for Sasuke, they might not have gotten him back out of that hole of depression.

Looking at his face now as Temari pulled away from him made him wonder if he was going to make it this time.

The wedding was beautiful, but of course it was since Ino had planned it. They had decided to get married in early spring. The Yamanaka Alpha wouldn’t say why, but Chouji and Shikamaru knew it was because the Sakura trees were blooming. The blond was completely smitten on the pink-haired medic and it was obvious the omega felt the same. They truly were perfect for each other and they had never seen Ino glow so much. Aside from the sakura trees, white and purple flowers donned the benches and both of the brides had bouquets to match.  Inoichi’s absence was felt, but her teammates were happy to give her away and stand at her side. Naruto, Sai, and Sasuke stood by Sakura’s side though her father had walked her down the aisle.

The reception, in Chouji’s opinion, was even better but that was because his family had catered the food. All of their friends were there and it was easy to see just how much Sakura and Ino were loved. Even Temari had come as Shikamaru’s plus one and his best friend didn’t seem happier. The only thing missing for Team Ten this day was their sensei. For all of his aloofness and lack of expression, Chouji knew that Asuma’s death had hit Shikamaru the hardest. He knew that Shikamaru still blamed himself, blamed his cowardice for their mentor’s early death, even if there was nothing that could have been done. It was nice to see the shadows gone from his friend’s face, even if it was just for today.

Because at the end of the day…

Temari smelled like she belonged to someone and that someone was not Shikamaru.

Chouji was on his second serving of cake when he saw it. Two sets of eyes, one azure and the other onyx, were fixated on the shadow-nin. The conversation was too low for the redhead to make out, but their eyes spoke volumes. Ino-Shika-Cho was a team that surpassed generations and it was the Akimichi’s job to protect his teams. Often times, that meant seeing threats before they could get to them and by now, he felt he was damn good at it. Despite seeing their eyes full of longing, the edges going soft as they looked at his teammate, Chouji did something uncharacteristic of himself. Setting his half-eaten cake aside, he grabbed four beers (because the way things were going, Shikamaru would be joining them soon) and moved to sit beside the two alphas.

“The last time two alphas looked at my teammate so closely, they tried to kill him.” Chouji shared two of the beers he had grabbed and took a sip of his own. He didn’t miss the way the Uchiha raised an eyebrow and Naruto sagged beside him, knowing they were caught. “Kakuzu and Hidan are both dead now, but I don’t think you two are looking at him in the same light.”

“Are we that obvious?” Naruto laughed nervously as Sasuke rolled his eyes.

“You couldn’t be subtle if you tried, Dobe.”

“Shut up, Teme.”

“You boys are all loud,” Ino chimed in as the two newlyweds walked up. “What are you being obvious about?”

The Akimichi heir hid his grin behind his drink as the blond beside him flushed in embarrassment. Ino was even more observant than he was and if she hadn’t noticed already, she would soon. This allowed his dark gaze to shift back to his best friend just in time to watch Temari pull away. Frowning, he watched Shikamaru quietly pull himself together. The brief meeting of their eyes told him enough, and Choji merely offered the extra beer in offering before watching the Nara turn back to the Princess of the Sand.

The bench the three of them were sitting on was big enough that all four of them could sit comfortably, even if they couldn’t spread out, so when Shikamaru finally approached them, Chouji slid down, offering the space between him and Naruto. What he didn’t expect was for the blond to follow him and instead offer the space between him and Sasuke. Ino-Shika-Cho had always been a close pack, even as children. Sakura became a part of the pack before she expressed, having been one of the few outside of the pack to know about the genius. Naruto had eventually joined their pack when he got back sometime around the death of his mentor. Chouji wasn’t sure what happened, but Shikamaru and he had become closer and Naruto had been another to know. Sasuke wasn’t quite a part of their pack, not yet and something in Chouji yanked at him to pull his best friend close to him. Instead, he watched as Shikamaru slumped between the two alphas and accepted the beer silently. He and the two women traded a look but didn’t speak up.

Shikamaru hadn’t been privy to the prior conversation before he slumped down on the bench, but the beer on his tongue was cold and it gave him something to do rather than face the pitying looks around him. Luckily, by luck or by the fact his friends understood, Sakura leaned forward and flicked both of her teammates in the nose.

“Oi, both of you bakas are sitting here and not allowing two beautiful women to sit down,” she barked without the bite her tone held when her teammates were actually in trouble. Both alphas yelped at his side and held their noses. Despite being a minor flick, Sakura was frighteningly strong but Shikamaru sent her a grateful look over his bottle anyway. At first, Shikamaru couldn’t stand the pink-haired medic, but then, he could barely stand Ino despite them having grown up together. It seemed all women he knew were just like his mom, troublesome and in the Academy, Sakura and Ino both had been obsessed with Sasuke. He didn’t start appreciating her presence until his parents made him go to the hospital after he never expressed.

“It’s rare, but there are some cases in which someone never expresses.”  She said, her blond brow furrowed in concentration.  The rest of the room fell into silence.  “It happens often enough that they’re filed as a neutral.”  Another pause as Tsunade looked around the room.  “It’s a benefit for shinobi.  Their biology doesn’t plot against them and they’re not influenced by hormones. It’s not a bad thing, Shikamaru.  At least you won’t have to buy scent blockers.”

He didn’t feel lucky and despite Sakura coming over to sit by him and check on him, he couldn’t help but overhear his parents and Tsunade.

“It’s possible he won’t be able to give an heir for your clan, and it’s entirely possible that a relationship could be difficult. There are a lot of possibilities here. Just hope for the best and be prepared for the worst.”

His mind only heard one thing.  Unlovable.

Shikamaru had been surprised when it had been her that crawled into his room the next night. He’d given himself time to process everything, his own parents keeping it quiet until he was ready. Outside of the three of them, only Tsunade and Sakura were aware and in hindsight, he realized it was likely his parents encouraged Sakura that it was okay to come into his room. 

“Hey, scoot over. It’s cold.” He’d jerked upright at the sound of her voice, hand automatically reaching for the kunai beneath his pillow before he had processed who it was.

“S-Sakura?” The name was punched out of him, his voice ragged from crying.

“Of course dummy. You didn’t join us for barbeque because you were asleep. Ino and Chouji said you didn’t show up for training today so we came to check on you.” His eyes widened at her words and he reached out to grab her shoulder.

“You didn’t tell them, did you?”

“Of course not. You can when you’re ready, but they’re being insufferable. Their packmate is not feeling well so they needed to be close to him. Alphas,” she rolled her eyes, something that made his lips twitch despite the dark room. “Anyway, I figured I’d tag along and I convinced them to let me check on you first in case you were contagious. If you want them gone, I can tell them you’re highly contagious and have hives on your face. That would get Ino-pig out of here faster,” she laughed softly and he found himself grinning in response. “Otherwise, your mom let us put a large futon in the living room and said we could have a sleepover. I won’t let them hog the covers, and you don’t have to tell them, but if you do want to, I can stay too.”

He found himself reaching out to her to tug her close and bury his face in her neck. His mom had always held him that way when he was younger and he once again sought out comfort when he was in pain. Her birthday was in a few months and for that moment in time, they were the same. He let himself have this.

“You’ll stay if I tell them?” He said several moments later.

“And beat them both if they can’t be nice, I promise.” He found himself laughing, the sound watery.

“Okay,” he murmured, glad that she had come. They had never been close before, but after that night, he found himself seeking out her company. When she expressed and became Ino’s mate, it felt right for her to be a part of their close-knit pack.

Shikamaru was brought back to the present as the pink-haired medic practically fell into his side, Ino on her other side. Apparently, she had succeeded in convincing the two alphas to stand and he found himself grinning at their confused glances as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

“Happy, Imouto-Chan?” The Nara Genius spoke, for now the despair melting away as he was surrounded by family. He felt Ino grab his hand on Sakura’s shoulder and give it a squeeze.

“Of course, Onii-chan. I’m one lucky girl.”

“Nah, Ino is the lucky one, don’t let her tell you any different. And you’re doing Choji and I favor by getting her off of our hands.” Shikamaru winced as his hand was squeezed a little harder, but Sakura and Chouji’s laughter soothed over the tease.

“You’re lucky I know I’m lucky, Shikamaru,” Ino sniffed.

“You guys are all…really close.”  It had been easy to forget that others weren’t privy to their dynamic and Naruto and Sasuke were no different, despite being Sakura’s teammates.  He didn’t say it, despite wanting to tell Naruto and Sasuke that when the two alphas had left, their third teammate needed people she could rely on.

Shikamaru merely shrugged before holding up his nearly empty beer. “To the girls on our teams who always knocked some sense into us guys. May they take care of each other in ways they always saved our asses.” A drink to the girls and conversation melted back into the way it was before he had ambled over. A few minutes later when other wedding guests were vying for the couple’s attention, Shikamaru found his beer empty and him standing. “Have fun on your honeymoon, enjoy your vacation. The rest of us miscreants will wallow in our work,” he teased before giving them both a hug and leaving the party.

Chouji had the front row seat when Ino and Sakura caught the other two alphas staring at the genius as he left. Their eyes snapped to each other in silent conversation, finally agreeing on something before Sakura reached up and grabbed their ears, tugging them close.

“Really?” She admonished, crossing her arms.

“Sakura-chan, we don’t know what you mean, we weren’t staring at him.” Sasuke had been the intelligent one and remained quiet, but had outed them easily. Sasuke barely refrained from facepalming. The pink-haired kunoichi’s green eyes narrowed as she looked at the two men. 

“No,” she ordered and Ino looked like she was ready to chime in as well but Sakura’s parents came over and commanded the newlyweds attention. With a sigh, Chouji drained his beer and stood.

“They’ll get over it. They didn’t see the way you were looking at him earlier. Take it slow and don’t hurt him and they’ll come around.” Chouji shrugged. “Tell Ino and Sakura I left with Shikamaru.” The Akimichi walked back to the table to get another piece of cake before leaving the Alphas to their thoughts.

Notes:

Translations (That may not have been used right) Dobe - Idiot Teme - You Imouto-Chan - Little Sister Onii-chan - Big Brother Baka - Idiot Translations (That may not have been used right) Dobe - Idiot Teme - You Imouto-Chan - Little Sister Onii-chan - Big Brother Baka - Idiot

Chapter 2

[mendokuse19]

Fire, Wind, and the Smoke In Between Pt. 2

Chapter 2: Dignity

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance - Oscar Wilde

It took Shikamaru a long time to realize he was capable of loving someone, long enough to realize that by the time he fell in love, they were already taken. When was being in love important to him? Probably when he realized how lonely his life was destined to be. In hindsight, he should have realized his love for Naruto a long time ago when he agreed to go after that idiot Sasuke because he was important to the blond. If he had been smart enough, he would have realized then that he had no place outside of friendship in the blond’s life.

At first, he was jealous of Sasuke. The man held Naruto’s attention flawlessly and in the same way Naruto held Shikamaru’s. It wouldn’t be till later that maybe Shikamaru realized he was also jealous of the way Naruto held Sasuke’s attention, because a little part of him, a part he refused to acknowledge, also wanted Sasuke’s attention. 

It was early morning and the early hustle and bustle of the mission room next door had died down to Shikamaru and Kakashi could return back to the office to get some work done. The sound of papers quickly filled the room, but it didn’t last long before the silver-haired Hokage spoke up.

“We’re releasing him today.” The Nara froze, his pencil pressed hard enough to the paper that the lead snapped. He could feel the older man’s eyes on him, but he didn’t dare turn around. The truth was, he didn’t trust the Uchiha. Yea, he might have helped save the world, but then he tried to kill Naruto after, even knowing the blond was his mate.

“I want to see him before he’s let go, Kakashi-Sensei,” the genius murmured before grabbing another pencil. He didn’t look up at the Hokage. Even without the Sharingan the man was observant and he didn’t want to show what was in his gaze. Fear, anger… He was afraid of Sasuke, afraid for Naruto. He didn’t want to see the blond’s heart break again and someone who didn’t have a veil over their eyes needed to be the one to talk to the former rogue.

“Shikamaru-kun, look at me. Can I ask you a question?” The words broke the silence between them and thought it wasn’t an order, Shikamaru found his honey eyes drifting towards the man behind the desk. 

“You already have, Rokudaime-Sama,” Shikamaru began, taking glee in the twitch of annoyance in Kakashi’s lips. “But you can ask another.”

“Do you love Naruto?”

The assistant expected any other question, but that one. He knew he was telling with the tightness of his lips and the widening of his eyes. He could see the moment Kakashi saw it too with the way his eyes softened in pity.

“Doesn’t matter, but if he is going to be in the future Hokage’s life, and I am going to be Naruto’s advisor, then I want to make sure he understands a few things.”

“I see. Well, who am I to stop you?”Shikamaru blinked in surprise. He hadn’t realized his eyes had dropped back to his work but they had snapped up at Kakashi’s approval.

“Cat, can you take Shikamaru-kun to T&I? Make sure he gets a few minutes. I’ll be down in…” the Hokage grins and looks out at the sun. “After the Vice-principal’s lunch.”

“Sempai,” Cat drawled in warning. “You’re going to piss Iruka-Sensei off if you don’t get work done today.” The Nara smirked at the banter between the two friends. Being one of the privileged few to know Cat’s identity had made office time amusing, especially when Kakashi was being himself.

“Maa, Kohai. Iruka loves me.”

“I don’t know why.” The dramatic way their Hokage clutched at his chest had the Nara smirking behind his hand, the brief amusement lightening his mood considerably, albeit briefly.

“I’ll be quick Cat, and then you can bring him back to work,” the Nara teased, grinning wider as the ANBU groaned.

A few minutes later had them both outside of the cell door, the jovial mood gone. “I don’t need long.”“Just don’t kill him. I can turn a blind eye to a lot, but I don’t think I can to that.” While there was still an attempt to tease, Shikamaru found relief. At least there was someone out there who hadn’t forgotten what Sasuke had done. Shikamaru offered a single nod before gathering his chakra. Within one blink and the next, the shadows had wrapped around him and he had disappeared from Cat’s side.

Shikamaru was prepared to be firm, to be angry, but when the shadows dispersed from around him and he saw Sasuke several feet away, his heart broke. Despite knowing what all he had done, what all he was capable of, seeing him bound and blinded felt like a knife in his chest. This was a lot harder to see than he thought it would be and all irritation, anger and rage disappeared in the blink of an eye.

For perhaps the first time, he was truly happy his emotions couldn’t be discovered in his scent, yet he knew it was the cigarette he had smoked that morning that had given him away when Sasuke raised his head. The Uchiha’s mouth was in a thin line and it was only because Shikamaru knew what he was looking for let him know what the man was feeling. The fact that there were no other scents other than smoke would be off putting. Those few seconds allowed him to pull himself together enough to speak.

“They’re letting you out today.” The lump in his throat kept him from speaking normally. No, he needed to push his compassion down. He couldn’t afford emotions. Not right now. Pulling his hands from his pockets, he closed the distance between him and the Uchiha only to lift the bandage that covered his Sharingan eye. He knew better than to reveal the Rinnegan.  “I want you to turn on your Sharingan for this because you’re not going to forget my face.” 

It was a carefully crafted game, and Shikamaru always won games. Turning his back on Sasuke was as much of a powerplay as it was to push that onyx eye from his brain. When he turned back around and leaned against the door, he expected to be met with the Sharingan. Instead, the charcoal orb continued to watch him, that intense gaze as penetrating as his own. It wasn’t until his own eyes narrowed in response that the eye bled red. If Shikamaru thought he was exposed before, it was nothing to how he felt now. That gaze wrapped around him, invading him, and yet, he didn’t feel as threatened as he should have. Instead, what he felt was…safe. But that couldn’t be right. Instead of allowing himself to dwell on these thoughts however, Shikamaru pushed on ahead.\

“You’re going to be on your best behavior when you get out of here. Don’t talk-” he barked when Sasuke opened his mouth. He had to get through this and leave before he lost his nerve, or worse, felt sorry for Sasuke. “You’re not going to hurt him again. If you do, you won’t live long enough for the bond to burn you alive.”  The sharp inhale from the bound man nearly made him smile. Nearly. He was glad his threat was taken seriously that despite all of the power and capabilities Sasuke had, he knew he wasn’t immortal and if anyone would be able to find a way to kill him, it was the Nara standing across from him. 

At least, that was what Shikamaru had believed was going through the other man’s and threat given, he turned to leave. The words at his back though froze him in place.

“You love him, too.” Time seemed to stand still as the shadows wavered around him, influenced by his influx of emotions. In another lifetime, he could have loved Naruto. Perhaps if he had been an omega, or even a beta, Naruto would have looked twice at him, or if there were no gender boundaries at all, the blond would have looked, but in this lifetime, it could never happen.

“Impossible. I’m incapable of it, but he is the future of the Hidden Leaf, and I made a vow to him.” While he hadn’t meant to say it, the words came out eagerly. Was he trying to prove he was not a threat to his mate? No, not really. It was just something he had painfully accepted a long time ago. It still didn’t make sense to him why he had told Sasuke of all people though. Biting his lip, he let those thoughts begin to wander unwillingly again but fortunately, Sasuke broke the rabbit hole his mind wanted to jump down.

“What do you mean incapable of love? If you were incapable, you wouldn’t-”

“Do not mistake loyalty for love, Uchiha. Enjoy your freedom.” Shikamaru snapped back in anger before the shadows wrapped around him and he disappeared again. He didn’t speak to Cat when he appeared again. Instead, he headed straight for the roof of Hokage tower.  He needed a damn smoke. Love? No. He didn’t love Naruto and he certainly didn’t feel any compassion for the man in the cell. It was loyalty. No one was better suited for this job than he was. That was it. Love was for other people, not a man who was bred to translate the art of war.

3 years later…

Leaning in to kiss Temari had been a reflex of the high emotions he allowed himself to feel that way. One of his best friends was getting married to her mate and Ino had never looked more beautiful. Sakura and Ino were truly a perfect couple and Shikamaru was happy for them and seeing the smiles on their faces had something akin to hope built up in his chest and caused him to close the distance.

They had been dating for six months. Ever since Gengo had nearly trapped him in his genjutsu and Temari had stopped it, he’d been infatuated. Of course, his infatuation ran deeper than that. They’d been friends for a long time, despite her penchant for calling him crybaby or yelling at him. She’d always been there for him and had been one of the first people outside of his team and family unit to know about him and the first one he’d told willingly.

“Why would a beta need to wear blockers?”

It was easy to blend in in a crowd or to use the excuse, but she had seen right through him. Where she had brought warmth and understanding though, Gengo had brought anxiety and fear.

“I know people, Shikamaru. They could make you an alpha and then you can take your place as my right-hand man.”

It was perhaps the only thing he’d left out of his report, or kept secret from everyone, but in the darkness of his room, the darkest recesses of his mind, he let himself fantasize. Would he and Temari be mates if he did? Would he have to give up on what he was building with her if they weren’t? She was happy with the way he was, and he believed he was too. At least until the wedding.

Leaning down, he smiled at her, but she immediately turned away. The blush of shame flushed her tan cheeks down her neck and he paused, his stomach dropping out. Reaching up, he brushed the collar of her kimono aside, uncaring that it was inappropriate. The mating mark was a bright pink against her neck and he felt his throat go dry.

“Oh,” he whispered and straightened up. Her hand gripping him kept him from taking another step back but he couldn’t… he couldn’t look at her.  The lump began growing in his throat, making it difficult to breathe and his eyes stung.

“Shikamaru, I was going to tell-”

“No, it’s okay, Tem. I get it.” Oh good, he could still form sentences and not make a fool out of himself. He turned back and smiled, despite wanting to crawl into a hole and die. “I’m happy for you. Is…Are they good to you?” “Yea,” the blond omega whispered.

“Suna?”

“Kiri,” she shook her head.

“Ah,” he nodded, their parody of small talk coming to an abrupt end. “When were…” “After the wedding. Tonight. I didn’t want to ruin Ino’s night.” He nodded stiffly because it made sense and a quick glance around told him that Naruto and Sasuke were keeping Ino and Sakura’s attention. Chouji, who was sitting beside Naruto however, gave him a sad smile. So they all knew. He merely nodded and sent a small smile back. He would not break down here, not like this.

“I see, then uh, this is it?” He asked, rubbing at the back of his head.

“I’m still Suna’s Ambassador, you can’t get rid of me that easily, Nara. I’ll be around to continue to make your life a drag.” “Good,” he barked out a forced laugh and looked away. “Tell your alpha that if he hurts you, I’m gonna kick his ass, Tem. He’s got one of the best.” He glanced out of the corner of his eyes to see her own softening as she reached out to brush their hands together for one last time.

“After I kick his ass, you mean. I don’t want to have to save you after.”

“Mendokuse,” he rolled his eyes and pretended he wasn’t so close to breaking. He fooled her though as she smiled and swatted his arm. “Need me to walk you back to your apartment?” “Nah, I got it. It’s not far.” She paused before leaning in to tug him down and kiss his cheek. “Thank you, Shikamaru.” She murmured before walking off. He waited until she disappeared in the trees before turning back to his friends. Chapter 1

Chapter 3

[mendokuse19]

Fire, Wind, and the Smoke In Between

Chapter 1: Second Chances

People who are meant to be together find their way back, they may take a few detours, but they are never lost.

-Unknown

7 years ago

What a drag…

For everyone, but Shikamaru, it seemed that life happened as it should.  You turn 14, you display your secondary gender, and then get lumped into nice, pretty categories.  Ino, to no one’s surprise was an alpha.  It fits rather well with Sakura’s secondary gender: Omega.  And to no one’s surprise, the two were one of those special cases of ‘fated mates.’  The kind where as soon as they touched, it was instantaneous.  They fit, and it was beautiful.

Choji became a beta.  Calm, sweet Choji was balance and everyone of the Ino-Shika-Trio expected Shikamaru to become an omega.  And yet, nothing happened.  Two weeks after his 14th birthday, Shikamaru was still just a teenage boy who preferred looking at the clouds and was too smart for his own good.  There were jokes of course.  ‘Shikamaru is so lazy, that’s why he hasn’t expressed yet,’  It might have been funny if it hadn’t caused concern in his own parents.  

A month after his birthday, Shikamaru found himself in a private room at the hospital with both the Hokage and her apprentice.  He couldn’t look at Sakura, whose bright, green eyes shined at him with pity.  At least Tsunade seemed to hold some air of professionalism.

“It’s rare, but there are some cases in which someone never expresses.”  She said, her blond brow furrowed in concentration.  The rest of the room fell into silence.  “It happens often enough that they’re filed as a neutral.”  Another pause as Tsunade looked around the room.  “It’s a benefit for shinobi.  Their biology doesn’t plot against them and they’re not influenced by hormones. It’s not a bad thing, Shikamaru.  At least you won’t have to buy scent blockers.”“Of course, Hokage-Sama, Thank you,” Shikamaru replied thickly and pushed himself off of the bed.  No one really stopped him as he left the room, though he knew his parents and the Hokage would continue to talk.  Before he reached the stairs, he felt a smaller hand around his wrist.  He didn’t turn.  Her chakra signature was familiar but she was foreign enough that she didn’t know he was on the verge of breaking.

“It’s far less troublesome this way, Sakura, trust me.  This is the best I could hope for,” he laughed and felt the light squeeze on his wrist.  “Being driven by hormones would cut into my cloud watching time.”

“Okay Shikamaru.  Ino and I are going to eat barbecue later.  You should join us.  I think Choji will be there.”

“Yea, okay,” he shrugged and she finally let him go.  He didn’t see them that night and his friends accepted the excuse that he fell asleep.

Contrary to what anyone else would say, Naruto knew that Shikamaru Nara was going to be an important person in his life for a long time. Afterall, it had been Shikamaru and Choji who were the first to treat him as a friend. At first, Naruto hadn’t been sure what to think of the lazy boy who complained more than even the adults who hated him, but after a while, he came to realize that Shikamaru wasn’t complaining about circumstances, but how he felt about them. He’d realized it during the disaster of his first chunin exams when Shikamaru, Sakura, Pakkun and he chased after Sasuke, when Shikamaru had told them neither of them were anything special and it would have to be him.

“The Shadow Jutsus were originally delay tactics anyway.” He had said and it took years for Naruto to realize what that had meant at the time. Shikamaru hadn’t expected to live past that day, but to go after Sasuke, to help his friends, he had been willing to do whatever it took. Luckily, Asuma had been there that day to save him, something Naruto would only be grateful for after they got Sasuke back to the village, but then, Sasuke was taken and Shikamaru, Choji, Kiba and Neji were once again by his side and Shikamaru was leading.

Then Naruto had left for three years, presented as an Alpha and he didn’t get a chance to look at his friend for a while. And then, they had gone after Sasuke again only for the blond to realize that his Rival, His Best Friend, His Mate, was also an alpha and destined to be his. How could he focus on Shikamaru when Sasuke was meant to be his?

It had been when his mentor, Jaraiya, had been killed that Naruto found reason to look deeper at the Shadow-user. Of all of the people who had attempted to give him a pep-talk to cheer him up, it had been the silence that Shikamaru brought with him that spoke the loudest. A kindred spirit, someone who had felt exactly what he had felt, and in the same way. Shikamaru’s sensei and mentor had been taken from him only months prior and the Nara just knew what he needed, it seemed. Even the metaphorical kick after they had spoken to Kurenai helped spur him into moving on. Yes, he was still sad over Jiraiya. Yes, he still mourned him, but knowing that his sensei had given him building blocks for the future made it feel like he was still there with him.

Watching Shikamaru after that had begun to let Naruto read him. The Nara genius had always held his emotions close to his chest, adopting bland expressions only tainted with boredom most of the time. He rarely got angry, his smiles seemed few and far in between, and if it required effort, Shikamaru was likely not to be found. Lazy, they had all said, including Naruto. Emotionless was another term, and Naruto might have agreed had he not been looking.

For the longest time, everyone believed Shikamaru to be a beta. It wouldn’t be until later that Naruto found out that only a select few knew differently. Shikamaru didn’t give off emotional scents because he didn’t have a secondary gender or the pheromones that everyone else did. A neutral, Shikamaru had informed him one evening with a small shrug. His organs didn’t work the way everyone else’s did because he had both Alpha and Omega. They cancelled each other out. He could be happy, angry, or sad and no one would ever know unless he displayed them on his face and the Nara never portrayed anything but boredom, not unless you were looking. Naruto finally did. He noticed the softening of his eyes when he fondly called him an idiot, or when Naruto did something to make everyone else laugh. Naruto noticed the clench in Shikamaru’s jaw when someone insulted one of his friends, and he noticed the downward tilt of his lips when someone brought up Asuma or Shikaku. They were subtle, but they were there, and Naruto found himself looking for those just to know what the genius was thinking.

Naruto knew Shikamaru was going to be an important person in his life, but he didn’t know he was going to fall in love with the shadow user. It wasn’t instantaneous and Naruto wasn’t sure when his feelings went from friendship to something deeper, but by the time he finally realized he enjoyed those small smiles, the warmth he felt in the other man’s presence and the conversations that were both teasing and informational, he was head over heels.

For Sasuke, caring about anything other than getting power and revenge didn’t matter until after the war. Orochimaru had been his path and even when he’d run into Naruto again, he didn’t care that the part of his soul that he had buried with everything else called out to the blond. When the blond wouldn’t give up, and Sasuke found himself dying on a battlefield with his mate by his side, The Last Uchiha realized he might have made some mistakes. If it hadn’t been for Sakura, he never would have been able to make things right.

Sasuke started by letting himself be imprisoned in Konoha. He even let his eyes be covered and his body bound though he had no desire to be too far from his mate at this time. It was then that he took notice of one Shikamaru Nara.

It was the smell of cigarette smoke that alerted Sasuke that someone was in the cell with him. The Uchiha’s head raised in response, even as he took a deeper breath. Odd… There were no other defining characteristics other than that smell.  It was…unnerving.

“They’re letting you out today.”  The voice was soft, spoken just loud enough to be heard. It prickled in familiarity, but the Uchiha couldn’t place it until one side of his bandages was removed. “I want you to turn on your Sharingan for this because you’re not going to forget my face.” The pineapple hair was as telling as his lazy stance. Nara. Sasuke remembered one being in his class. Shikamaru. The teenager in front of him was about his age.

In school, Sasuke had no use for the Nara Heir. He was lazy and slept in class. How the man managed to become a ninja and the first chunin in his class was beyond him. Sure, the guy was smart, but his taijutsu needed work and his chakra reserves were low. Intelligence didn’t make a ninja, or at least that was what Sasuke had thought until he heard of the Nara killing the immortal Akatsuki member. It wasn’t until his one exposed eye shifted to red that he finally understood how dangerous Shikamaru was.

Shadows danced in what little light was in his prison, yet Sasuke’s attention was focused solely on the teenager in front of him. At first glance, it was hard to believe this was a threat. Shikamaru seemed bored with his hands thrust deep into his pockets, his body leaning against the only exit, and his feet crossed at the ankles. He didn’t seem prepared to fight but the intensity in his gaze seemed to take Sasuke apart piece by piece. Finally, Shikamaru broke the silence between them, the intensity of his soft voice breaking into the tension like a sharpened kunai.

“You’re going to be on your best behavior when you get out of here. Don’t talk-” he barked, causing Sasuke to snap his mouth closed, and finally he moved. The brunette’s gait was that of a predator as he stepped closer to him, the threat imminent though as Shikamaru continued to talk, the Uchiha could detect a waver in his tone. “You’re not going to hurt him again. If you do, you won’t live long enough for the bond to burn you alive.” 

Sasuke inhaled sharply and for once believed that this man would be capable of finding a way of beating him. His sharingan captured the Nara’s resolve as clearly as it captured his face.  “You love him, too.” The wave of desperation in Shikamaru’s told him that.

“Impossible. I’m incapable of it, but he is the future of the Hidden Leaf, and I made a vow to him.”“What do you mean incapable of love? If you were incapable, you wouldn’t-”

“Do not mistake loyalty for love, Uchiha. Enjoy your freedom.”

3 years later

“You’re staring again, Dobe.” Naruto blinked away, feeling a flush on his cheeks that he had been caught.

“Maa, Maa Sasuke, Sakura’s all grown up, don’t you think? She looks so pretty.” In fact, their pink-haired teammate looked beautiful in her wedding dress with her alpha, Ino waiting for her at the altar.

“We both know you’re not staring at Sakura. Or Ino,” Sasuke quickly added when it looked like his mate was going to argue. Naruto followed Sasuke’s gaze to the man to the right of Ino. Shikamaru Nara hadn’t grown much in the last three years. His face had become more angular with the loss of baby fat and his hair had gotten longer, but Naruto had grown taller than him, as had Sasuke. However, despite the fact that Naruto could not take his eyes off of Shikamaru, the Nara Head had a different blond on his arm. Temari of the Sand had followed him to the Land of Silence six months ago and the two had been dating ever since. 

“You know it’s not abnormal for two alpha mates to find someone who balances them out, Naruto.” It was a talk they had had before but it had come too late for either of them to make a move on the Nara.

“It is when he’s already dating someone, and he’s not an omega. What if it happens again? What if I-”

“What if you never try?” Naruto’s mouth clicked shut, his blue eyes traveling from Shikamaru to Sasuke.  Onyx met his and the blond alpha huffed, his lips forming into a pout. “Doesn’t have to be an omega, Dobe. Just needs to balance us out.”

“You barely know him. What if I like him, but you don’t?”

“We could play the what if game all day, Naruto.” “He’s still with Temari.”

“And did you smell her earlier when you went to say hi? She’s full of anxiety and we can both smell that she’s been mated. The only one who can’t is Shikamaru, though with the looks he’s sending her, she’s going to spill soon.”

Naruto sighed and looked down because he knew Sasuke was right. From the moment Temari had stepped into the wedding reception, Naruto had known. Hell, everyone had known judging by the looks that were sent her way. She belonged to someone, and it wasn’t Shikamaru. He wanted to hurt her for what she was going to do to him.

“Hey,” fingers snapped in front of his eyes and pulled his attention back to his mate. “You’re growling out loud. Do you really think that’s a reaction for a friend?” Sasuke turned back to watch the Nara and inclined his head. “He’s very protective of you, you know. He threatened me when I was cuffed in T & I.” The blond alpha raised a brow, waiting for Sasuke to go on. “Said if I tried to kill you again, he’d kill me and you know what? I believed him. If anyone could find a way, it’s him. ‘I’ve kind of wanted to get to know him ever since.” “I wouldn’t let him hurt you.” “No, probably not, but I have no doubt he could. We should try. With him, I mean. I think he might be our missing part.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Because ever since you told me about him, and he threatened me, I can’t help but imagine how much I want to see you hold him, how much I want to come home from a mission to see you two curled up on the couch or in bed together.”

Naruto wasn’t sure what to say because he wanted that too. “Okay, so we’re both wanting this then? With him? If he lets us.”  Sasuke inclined his head before nodding. 

Naruto looked back to Shikamaru who stood next to Temari and smiled. Second chances were few and far in between in their world, but he wasn’t going to take this one for granted. Chapter 2