mercyofangels - Tumblr blog

[mercyofangels]

Hey how are you doing today?

Oh hey doing wonderful. Period.

[mercyofangels]

Oh dissociative migraine how i love you so /j

[mercyofangels]

Redrawing that official art of em ^_^

[mercyofangels]

Angry Vash‼️

I’m so obsessed by angry Vash and the panel with his broken arm- UGH CHEF KISS😩💕

[mercyofangels]

“Oh God… grant me one wish.”

[mercyofangels]

[mercyofangels]

[mercyofangels]

I love having Vash in the front compared to some of our old hosts. Theres so much kindness and compassion from that man twords our littles and I feel so happy knowing I can rest easy knowing that the Vashs will always take care of Ari even when I cant come out as quickly as her. It was so relieving to come out to him being sweet about her instead of isolating her and making her feel guilty for fronting, especially at a time like this.

Im so grateful for the system communication we’ve built. Im greatful for how far we’ve come.

-Astrid

[mercyofangels]

Haha gay

[mercyofangels]

Im so not normal about wolfwood im so in love with him he takes care of me and i take care of him amd he is so silly and makes me laugh when i feel like I cant even smile I love him so much hes my whole world

[mercyofangels]

so i watched trigun stampede,,,,

[mercyofangels]

spa day 🛀

[mercyofangels]

hello! im sorry if this ask is triggering in any form, please do take care of yourself first!

there isn't much out there about the nature of sexual programming in reference to symptoms beyond hyper/hypo sexuality. could you talk in more depth about what symptoms might suggest sexual programming?

we're really struggling to identify if our sexual dysfunctions are related to programming or just unfortunatr consequences of trauma

TW: IN DEPTH TBMC (BETA) TALK, SA TALK, VOMIT MENTION

Hi yes I’ve been waiting for an ask like this. Here are some consequences/effects of sexual aka beta programming. These will not be pretty and some of these might be hard to sympathize with, cause they’re so ugly in nature. With that being said…

Behavioral:

Asking for sexual things you don’t want, especially from an abuser

Masturbating to the thought of you or another person being SA’d

Constant sexual behaviors towards and about peers and self (hypersexuality)

Having sex with other victims, even if they don’t want it, if ordered by abusers (SA under duress) (this sometimes takes threatening to work, but not always)

Interacting times you’ve been SA’d, almost as if hallucinating that you’re in that moment

Mental and emotional effects:

Desiring sex from somebody who has SA’d you, desiring SA in general

Enjoying abusive sexual situations done onto you

Feeling discomfort with sex despite thinking its good

Believing sex is an essential part of somebody’s worth or that sex is all that makes a person

Thinking that you and/or others do not have the ability to say “no” and/or shouldn’t say no

Low arousal despite normal or high libido

High arousal despite low libido

Physical effects:

Sexual disfunction (erectile, clitoral, etc.)

Constant high libido, no matter the situation

High libido caused by the thought of you or another being SA’d

Genital trauma (excessive scarring, missing sexual organs that you were born with, pain when doing normal things, etc.)

Nauseous or actually getting sick when enjoying a sexual experience

These are all the ones off the top of my head I can think of but there are definitely some more. But yeah. Hope this helped!

[mercyofangels]

Did and having a set name is actually so fucking complicated. I have two jobs and one Im called Vash and the other I go by my deadname. My friends call me aidan or nova. My fiance just calls me by whoever is fronting. Its so. Embarrassing having to call out for work one day and being like “hey its aida-..va.. no (deadname)”

I wish it was easier to just be like “hey can u ask me what name today?” Or just having a changing name tag because bro I cant keep up. Aidan hasnt even fronted since I lost my job at the dispensary bruh 😵‍💫

Silly ramble but I just think about it and im like idk. Im to late now. Guess im a fruit salad of different names to people

[mercyofangels]

i wanna go home i say, as i am sitting in my bedroom

[mercyofangels]

polyfrag culture is being like "i genuinely dont understand how my life was so bad i developed polyfrag DID" and your friend who youve told practically all the trauma youre currently aware of looks at you in horror

[mercyofangels]

WHAT IS POLYFRAGMENTATION

a common misconception i see in the community is that polyfragmentation refers to having a high alter count, and id like to talk about what it actually means polyfragmentation is characterized by a complex system structure, complex splitting patterns, a large number of fragments, a lack of non-dissociative coping mechanisms, and often trauma that began at an early age and impacted all areas of life COMPLEX SYSTEM STRUCTURE - often involving layers, subsystems, or other divisions within the system that keep alters separate in groups COMPLEX SPLITTING PATTERNS - this involves splitting in groups, splitting multiple alters to hold different parts of the same trauma, etc LARGE FRAGMENT COUNT - polyfragmented systems will have a high fragment count, fragments are alters who lack a full sense of identity LACK OF NON-DISSOCIATIVE COPING MECHANISMS - where splitting would typically be a last resort for most systems, polyfragmented systems can be pushed to the point of splitting much easier, even from daily life stressors EARLY LIFE TRAUMA - according to richard p kluft, polyfragmented DID is often caused by longstanding severe abuse beginning early in life - grey