#polyfragmented

[cosmic-collective-now-endo-safe]

If you grew up constantly apologizing and then apologizing for apologizing and you were/are afraid (or unable) to express your emotions and feelings because it was seen as “manipulative”, or for any reason, I love you and I hope you’re having a good day

[awooterasu]

We often have times where the rest of us don’t quite feel connected to the events of something that had happened - that feeling of being angry, disgusted or sad on principle is a very real experience. But there is that wide gap and disconnect, so that is very real.

Even with therapy, that gap is said to remain in patients

This isn’t even beginning to cover day to day conversations or experiences - a topic or event that happened will feel blurry or distant as those who didn’t participate in it or had little to do with it don’t have a direct connection to the moment

-Song 🐺

You know what the worst part of having a dissociative disorder is, for me personally?

The emotional amnesia.

Your entire life feels like something that you watched on TV, rather than something that you actually lived through.

You know that some of the most horrific things imaginable have happened to you, and you feel nothing about it. Sure, the memories disgust you on principle, but you don’t feel anything.

It makes you question if anything that you remember is real. If that actually happened, shouldn’t it feel significant? Shouldn’t you be sad, angry, hurt, something?

And to top it all off, nobody understands. Not even yourself.

[cosmic-collective-bah]

could I get a level 1 sort of cutecore flowery gardener. thanks :)

here you go!

requested by anon

by ask; none

┏━━➤ ✧˖°. level 1 ┇✧ { name(s): daisy, lily, rose, ivy, angel, bunny } ┇✧ { nickname(s): flower petal, flower garden } ┇✧ { pronouns: they/them/their/theirs/themself neos; da/dai/dais/daisy/daisy self, lil/lily/lils/lilies/lilyself, ro/ros/rose/roseself, petal/petals/petalself, iv/ivy/iv/ivs/ivself/ivyself, mos/moss/mossir/mossirs/mosself, will/willow/willow/willows/willowself xenos;🌹/🌹/🌹's/🌹self, 🌺/🌺/🌺's/🌺self, 🌷/🌷/🌷's/🌷self, 💐/💐/💐's/💐self, 🌸/🌸/🌸's/🌸self, 🪷/🪷/🪷's/🪷self, 🏵️/🏵️/🏵️'s/🏵️self, 🌻/🌻/🌻's/🌻self 🌼/🌼/🌼's/🌼self, 🪻/🪻/🪻's/🪻self, 🌱/🌱/🌱's/🌱self, 🌿/🌿/🌿's/🌿self 🍁/🍁/🍁's/🍁self, 🍄/🍄/🍄's/🍄self } ┇✧ { age: 13-15 } ┇✧ { species: human } ┇✧ { gender: Flowergender, Flowercoric, Flowernonbinary, Faunifleuronan, Pinkcutecoric, Cutegender } ┇✧ { sexuality: aroace } ┇✧ { amory: none } ��━━➤ ✧˖°. 🌠

[atlas-corporation]

everytime i see people laugh at the concept of cults and how ridiculous they are i actually start seething as somebody who WAS in a cult for multiple years

people dont join cults because theyre stupid. people join them because cult leaders PREY on them. they find people who are vulnerable and offer them community and perceived safety

they dont come out swinging with "im the only one who can speak to this meteorite" or "the world is going to end on xx/xx/xx". they open by bonding with you over regular activities. you meet in line at the coffee shop and get to chatting, and they give you their number. you find them at the park playing basketball with other members and assume theyre friends.

youre with them for weeks, maybe months before they let you feel like an "insider." they tell you everything in pieces so you have time to internalize it. they encourage you to keep these things secret, because other people wouldnt understand- and if you do tell others and they do call you crazy, that just solidifies that belief and pushes you further into the cult.

sometimes they have members be the reason for certain 'discoveries' or new elements of control. in the cult i was in, i had to be away for an extended period of time, and when i returned, the leader told me they had discovered astral projection was driven by emotion and in their deep yearning to see me had astral projected to my location to watch over me while i was away. while it was framed as a means of companionship, community, and protection, all it truly did was make everybody involved feel that they were always being watched and were never truly alone. it scared us into following the rules of the cult when we were at school or work.

its a gradual process. if i explained everything that i would be taught in one sitting to myself prior to joining the cult, i never would have. i would have laughed and said 'that sounds ridiculous, who would ever believe that?' but thats the point. its boiling frog syndrome. since its so gradual, you dont notice youre boiling until youve already been burned too badly to leave.

in fact, being in this cult did severe restructuring to my system and caused me to discover the fact i even was one- years before i was ready to learn that information. to this day i still struggle with parts- even those that front semi-frequently- following old rules and inflicting old punishments upon us.

anyway. yeah thats why im mad about people who joke about cults. no a group of people with the same pfp is not a cult. no a friend group is not a cult. no a discord server with a religious theme is not a cult.

[botanical-garden-system]

Someone drowning in 6 feet of water is as equally dead as a person drowning in 20 feet of water.

Please stop comparing trauma and making it a challenge. It’s trauma. Not a competition or medal.

[plurapony]

when i first discovered i was a system i did A LOT of things wrong, i wasn't apart of any system communities and i didn't know anyone else who was a system - i had no guidance!

the most important thing that i have learnt is that this is completely uncharted territory, and everything that is established online as a part of the system experience? it's merely a suggestion NOT a requirement! you don't need to have a host! you don't need to have specific system roles! i personally classify all of my fragments as parts, it's too confusing for me otherwise! you don't need to be miserable 24/7! you don't need to get along with your parts! the system experience is built around how YOUR brain copes with the trauma that YOU experienced! that's it!

similarly to that previous point, do not compare yourself to others and their experiences! if the trauma was bad enough, it was bad enough. you don't need to have the most shocking trauma in order to be valid, your disorder isn't going to go away just because someone else had suffered more in their childhood. comparing yourself won't solve any issues, it'll just make everything worse. sometimes i used to feel that if i didn't suffer the most, what i went through would be meaningless - but that thinking pattern just made me hurt more. there's always going to be someone out there who has gone through worse than you have, and if you cling to the idea that having the worst trauma gives it meaning - no matter what you'll end up worse off.

and the last thing i wish i knew? don't rely on internet validity. if you base whether you're a real system or not on strangers of the internet you're going to end up relying on that validation. again and again you're going to need strangers on the internet to validate you and it's going to be so hard to find security inside yourself. what has given me the most security? i have a diary where i log my trauma, system experiences and evidence that i have did. i don't need validation because whenever i feel unsure i can just look in my book. you should only rely on yourself and your loved ones to feel real, anyone else and it'll only be a temporary solution.

[twiigthetwiink]

my online class is asking me to create an "alter ego" for an assignment. little do they know that

[beepykay]

tbh the funniest thing being a system whos known for abt 6 years now is that you go from hyper categorizing everyone into really specific roles to like.

yeah thats joe. he does. idk something. hes just here

[actuallyverynormalbtw]

realizing youre Real is .weird,,

like you can exist for Years??? never noticing??? never thinking about Yourself. assuming you are the host, or assuming you are another alter.

it is WEIRD to sit there with your morning coffee, having a conversation, and just suddenly the stars align . and you realize how different you are from "you" . you realize you werent "you", you were actually YOU the whole time.

I KNOW THIS DOESNT MAKE SENSE BUT I HOPE SOMEONE GETS IT

[littlest-bugz]

How it feels when your system is trying to make any important decision

[cccat-in-a-meat-sack]

”I want to know your headcount” “I want to know who’s fronting” so do I, get in line

[namefluidd]

Sigh, alright, we need motivation

Let's do this

For every 5 notes this post gets, we will create one alter profile

For every 10 notes this post gets, we will finish an alter profile (aka, with the important stuff)

For every 15 notes this post gets, we will add a couple profiles to important folders (sissasystems, hierarchy, roles, etc)

For every 20 notes this post gets, we will fully complete an alter profile (with everything, including unimportant stuff like moodboards and playlists)

For every 35 notes this post gets, we will add 5 custom fronts

At 50 notes, we'll finish the system bio

If for some god forsaken reason this gets to 100 notes, we'll make profiles for the body and our singletsona

For every note after that, we'll fully complete an alter profile

Spam, do whatever, idc, go hog wild! Do your thing

[dubiouscannon]

Shout out to systems who cant get diagnosed. Shout out to systems who split easily. Shout out to systems with high introject counts. Shout out to complex systems. Shout out to systems with mostly littles. Shout out to systems with small alter counts. Shout out to systems who dont want to get diagnosed cause they dont want it on their record. Shout out to systems with nonhuman alters. Shout out to systems

[the-fictive-haven]

Headmate 1: I wanna watch this show

Headmate 2: I want to start learning sign language

Headmate 3: Well I want to learn new art mediums

Headmate 4: NO, practicing our digital art!

Headmate 5: We should really be finding a job

Headmate 6: Hey remember those phone calls you need to make

Me: ...

Stays in bed all day because ADHD said no

[electricbloodflow]

DID is simultaneously the most subtle, ambiguous disorder while also being the most intense, all-encompassing, extremely-personal-because-it-affects-fundamental-perceptions-like-memory-and-identity-at-all-hours-of-the-day disorder of all time.

[botanical-garden-system]

Whenever I see someone saying they “wish they were a system,” I don’t think: “Oh how DARE they try to mock this shit that debilitates me every day!”

I think, “I wonder what in this world could make them feel like they need to have multiple voices in their head.” I think, “Are they lonely..? Did they even have any friends whilst growing up..? Were they neglected..?”

I understand because I also felt this way as a little kid, elementary school age (5-10). **I** wanted to be less alone as a kid, so I created imaginary characters that began to separate and distinguish themselves from one another. While yes, I had some major events of trauma, my trauma was what I thought as “monotonous” or “insignificant.” I just wanted someone to talk to, someone to confide in. I didn’t feel safe telling an adult what I went through, so it was stored in another alter.

You guys are so quick to jump at someone you have no information on in any way. You don’t know how educated this person is on the complexities of DID, and you don’t know what the person went through at all.

Please stop being so harsh and aggressive towards people figuring themselves out.. you would want that grace too..