mialovespaige

[mialovespaige]

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The Ones I Love - Paige Bueckers

part 2 (part 1 is here)

"I feel like I've done this before You're fighting your tears as I open the door And you deserve much more"

based on The Ones I Love by Olivia Rodrigo

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-----pairing: paige bueckers x fem!oc

-----summary: paige tears her ACL and, overwhelmed with guilt, starts pushing her girlfriend julie away. despite julie's efforts to help, paige feels like a burden and believes julie would be better off without her, leading to growing distance between them.

-----a/n: part 2!!! hope it's good. chapter 3 is currently in the works and will hopefully be out as soon as i finish a fifteen page paper for my english class :(

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Paige had been staring off into space for the last hour, her mind both racing and blank. She wanted to run, to disappear into some far-off place where the pain, both physical and emotional, couldn’t reach her. But even the thought of walking to the bathroom by herself felt impossible now. Running away wasn’t an option.

“How are you feeling?”Julie’s voice cut through the fog in her mind as she gently placed a pillow under Paige’s leg. They were back at Paige’s apartment, and Julie had been doing everything she could to make her girlfriend comfortable, fussing over her to get her situated before bed.

“I’m fine,” Paige mumbled, her voice dull and flat, an obvious lie.

Julie frowned. “You don’t sound very fine.”

“I’m great,” Paige shot back, sarcasm creeping into her tone.

“Paige...” Julie said softly, her gaze filled with concern as she looked at her girlfriend, who refused to meet her eyes.

“I’m fine, honestly.” Paige’s voice cracked as she fought back the tears in her eyes threatening to spill. She turned her head away, as if not seeing Julie would somehow make the situation less real. “Don’t worry about me.”

Julie wasn’t buying it. She took Paige’s face gently in her hands, her thumbs brushing a tear away with her thumb.

“I’m okay, don’t worry.”

Paige made the mistake of looking back at Julie because the moment she did, she couldn't hold anything back any more. She let out a shaky breath as more tears continued to stream down her face.

Julie pulled her into a hug, wrapping her arms around her tightly, rubbing soothing circles on her back. “It’s okay,” she whispered into Paige’s hair. “I’m so sorry, Paige. It’s okay. I’ve got you.”

Paige buried her face into Julie’s chest, clinging onto her as if Julie would disappear if she stopped. “It’s not fair,” Paige choked out in between sobs.

Julie’s heart broke at Paige’s words. “It’s not, I’m sorry.’

“Why me?” Paige continued, her body trembling as she cried even harder. “Why did this have to happen to me?”

Julie didn’t have an answer, not one that would ease the pain her girlfriend was feeling. All she could do was hold her tighter, as if her arms alone could shield Paige from the unfairness of it all.

Paige finally lifts her head up from Julie’s shoulder, her eyes red and swollen. Her gaze dropped to Julie’s sweatshirt, now damp with her tears. Embarrassed, she wiped at the fabric, muttering, “Fuck, I’m sorry.”

Julie couldn’t help but let out a small, exhausted laugh. “It’s fine. It’ll dry.”

Paige did not find any humor in the situation. She was too embarrassed, feeling like she was falling apart and pulling Julie down with her. If she didn’t know Julie better, she would’ve thought the laugh was pity, another reminder of how weak and pathetic she felt. “I’m sorry I’m such a mess right now,” she whispered, her voice barely audible.

Julie shook her head. “Please don’t apologize.”

Paige dropped her head, guilt gnawing at her insides. “I am sorry, though. For making you worry about me. You’ve got enough on your plate with hockey and everything... You don’t have time to deal with my problems.”

“For you,” Julie said, squeezing her hand, “I have all the time in the world.”

The sincerity in Julie’s words only made the ache in Paige’s chest worse. She didn’t deserve this kind of love, not when she felt like such a burden. “But you’ve got worlds coming up, and—”

“I don’t leave for four days.”

“Still… I don’t want you to miss sleep or get behind because of me,” Paige insisted, her voice small and pleading. She couldn’t stand the thought of being the reason Julie wasn’t at her best.

“Don’t worry about me,” Julie said, brushing her thumb over Paige’s hand in a comforting motion.

Paige didn’t respond to that, her gaze fixed on Julie’s hand resting atop hers. The tears had finally stopped falling, and her sobs had slowed down. But she was feeling weak and vulnerable. She wanted to curl up, to be held, and to believe, for just a moment, that everything might be okay.  Without looking up, she spoke. softly “You know, you can leave at any time. I don’t want to keep you here all night.”

Julie didn’t hesitate. “I know. But I want to be here.”

“You can stay until I fall asleep,” Paige said quietly. “But I don’t expect you to be here when I wake up. You can go back to your room whenever you want.”

“I know,” Julie replied, her voice steady.

Paige let out a long breath, exhaustion finally catching up to her. Her body felt heavy, drained from crying and the whirlwind of emotions. “Okay.”

“You should get some sleep,” Julie whispered.

Paige nodded but didn’t move. Instead, she found herself leaning closer to Julie, craving the warmth and security her presence provided. She allowed herself to let her guard down in a way she rarely did. She didn’t want to admit how much she needed this, how much she needed her; but there, in her arms, she felt safer than she had all day.

Julie gently shifted, helping Paige lay back against the pillows. She brushed a strand of hair out of her face before pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. "I love you."

“I love you too” Paige murmured as she closed her eyes, her hand still holding Julie’s as if afraid to let go. Her breathing slowed, her body finally giving in to the overwhelming fatigue. And as Paige drifted off, she realized that maybe—just maybe—letting Julie in wasn’t so bad after all.

Julie stayed with her, watching over her as she slept, refusing to leave.

---

The next morning, Paige woke up to find her bed empty. At first, she felt a strange sense of relief, thinking that maybe Julie had finally gone back to her room, that she wasn’t burdening her anymore. But when she sat up, she spotted Julie on the floor beside her, fast asleep. A pang of guilt came over her. She slept on the floor for me? Paige watched Julie sleep for a moment, her heart aching at the sight.

Trying to distract herself from the guilt gnawing at her insides, Paige grabbed her phone. A notification flashed across the screen—an email from the radiologist. The results. Her stomach twisted in knots as she opened the message. She had seen the MRI scans the night before, but the official report had just come through. She scrolled down to the "Findings" section, her eyes landing on the words she dreaded seeing: Complete tear of the anterior cruciate ligament.

She let out a grunt of frustration, the sound making Julie stir on the floor. Paige glanced over, hoping she hadn’t woken her. But Julie’s eyes fluttered open, meeting hers.

"Hey," Paige said softly.

"Good morning.” Julie stretched, yawning as she stood up. “How’d you sleep?"

"Okay, I guess. I just got the results." 

Julie’s expression immediately grew concerned. "What did it say?"

Paige sighed. “It’s torn. Just like we thought.”

"Oh, Paige..." Julie’s voice was heavy with sympathy. “I’m so sorry.”

"How come you slept on the floor?" Paige asked, wanting to change the subject more than anything.

“Oh, I didn’t mean to.” Juliette said, yawning. “I guess I fell asleep praying for you."

Paige smiled weakly, feeling both touched but also guilty. “For me?”

“Of course” Juliette said as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

Julie shrugged casually. "I always pray for you. Usually, it’s for something different, but it’s still you."

Paige didn’t know what to say. She felt touched but also unworthy. The guilt that had been gnawing at her grew even more. "Thank you," she whispered, looking down, unable to meet Julie’s eyes.

“Of course.” Julie smiled as she held up the rosary. She took Paige’s hand and placed it in her palm, closing her hand around it. "This rosary is dedicated to Saint Sebastian who is the patron saint of athletes in Catholicism. My grandmother gave it to me, and I always keep it in my hockey bag. Last night, I prayed to him and Saint Raphael, who is the patron saint of healing.". 

Paige looked down at the rosary. A simple beaded chain with a crucifix on the end. She traced her fingertips over the jet black beads and the cold metal of the crucifix, taking in the information Julie told her. The gesture was so heartfelt, so thoughtful... and it only made Paige feel worse.  "It's beautiful..."

As she stared at the rosary, the silence between them deepened. Julie watched her, concerned,  but Paige couldn’t bring herself to meet her gaze. Eventually, Paige looks up at Julie. She looked like she didn’t sleep very well last night. Paige felt guilty, it was because of her.

After a long pause, Paige spoke up. “You really don’t need to worry about me so much.”

“If the roles were reversed, Paige, you would be all over me”

Paige knew she was right, but the guilt was still too much. "You don’t need to stay with me," she insisted. "I’m fine. You have to go to practice."

‘I’m not going. I already told my coaches.”

Paige blinked, shocked. "You—what? That’s a bad idea."

“I still have tomorrow and the day after.

​​A storm of conflicting emotions raged in Paige’s chest. She wanted to tell Julie to go, to not waste any more time on her. But at the same time... she didn’t want her to leave. Not yet. "Thank you," she said softly, guilt thick in her voice.

“Always,” Julie said, her voice soft yet firm.

Paige looked down at the rosary again, twisting the beads between her fingers, lost in thought. The weight of everything—the injury, the uncertainty, Julie’s unwavering support—was overwhelming, it was suffocating her.

All of a sudden, Paige felt a sudden snap as the rosary broke apart in her hands, beads scattering across the floor along with the crucifix. Paige gasped, her body freezing as she stared at the broken chain in horror. This was Julie’s rosary, a rosary she had prayed for her on and now she had broken it. 

"Fuck...I am so sorry. I'm so sorry" she apologized, her voice a panicked whisper. She looked up at Julie, her eyes wide with fear, terrified of the disappointment or anger she was sure she’d see.

Julie flinched at the sound of the snap but quickly shook her head, her attention on Paige rather than the rosary. "No, no. It’s okay," she said gently, kneeling down to pick up the beads.

But Paige couldn’t stop apologizing, her voice growing frantic. She hated herself for what she just did, and she wouldn’t blame Julie if she hated her too. She fought back the urge to cry, she felt so awful. "I-...I... I'm so sorry... I didn't mean to..."

"Paige, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it," Julie reassured her, her focus entirely on soothing Paige’s panic.

The guilt was too much for Paige to handle. She felt as if she had destroyed something sacred, something that symbolized all of Julie’s care and devotion. "I’m sorry." she whispered, like a mantra to herself, her voice shaking as she fought back tears.

Julie set the broken rosary on the bed and took Paige’s hands in hers. "Hey, look at me."

Paige hesitated before lifting her tear-filled eyes to meet Julie’s. The warmth in Julie’s gaze was overwhelming, and it made Paige’s chest tighten even more.

"Don’t feel bad, okay?" Julie said, her voice steady and soft. "I’m not mad. It’s just a rosary. What matters to me is you, not the beads."

Paige’s throat tightened, and she looked down again, her fingers trembling. "But it’s important... It was yours, and I... I broke it."

Julie leaned forward and kissed Paige’s forehead, silencing her for a moment. "It’s okay. I promise. Don't feel bad, okay? Accidents happen all the time."

But Paige couldn’t shake the overwhelming sense of guilt. She felt undeserving of Julie’s forgiveness, of her love, of everything. She didn’t deserve this much care, and she sure as hell didn’t deserve Julie sacrificing her own time and sleep for her.

As Julie’s hands gently held hers, Paige felt an unexpected shift inside her. The warmth of Julie’s touch, once comforting, now seemed suffocating, a constant reminder of how much she was leaning on her.

She couldn’t keep doing this—couldn’t keep dragging Julie down with her. The love, the care, the sacrifices... It was too much. She didn’t deserve it. Julie had her own life, her own career, and Paige shouldn't be the weight that held her back. The more Julie stayed, the more Paige felt like she was pulling her into the same dark spiral she was trapped in. She knew she had to create distance, for both their sakes.

[mialovespaige]

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The Ones I Love - Paige Bueckers

part 1

"I feel like I've done this before You're fighting your tears as I open the door And you deserve much more"

based on The Ones I Love by Olivia Rodrigo

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-----pairing: paige bueckers x fem!oc

-----summary: paige tears her ACL and, overwhelmed with guilt, starts pushing her girlfriend julie away. despite julie's efforts to help, paige feels like a burden and believes julie would be better off without her, leading to growing distance between them.

-----warnings: none? a little bit of angst maybe

-----a/n: hi, i've been lurking on tumblr for a bit, but this is my first time posting anything (it just seemed easier here than wattpad) so bear with me. but this has been sitting in my google drive for a HOT minute. also i'll do a post explaining background info later, i was just lazy. important info tho, julie is a hockey player at UConn from Canada, and the women's worlds (IIHF) is kinda like FIBA but for hockey

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Julie let out a sigh as she slung her duffle bag off her shoulder, dropping it to the ground in front of the Werth Basketball Center. She sat beside it, pulling out her phone to text her girlfriend. Just got out of practice, I’m outside whenever you’re ready.

As she waited for Paige, Julie’s gaze wandered over the quiet, almost deserted campus. The semester hadn’t started yet, leaving only a handful of athletes like herself who had arrived early for training. The peace and quiet washed over her, a welcome contrast to the frenzy that awaited her at the upcoming women's world hockey tournament in Denmark. Thirty minutes passed without a word from Paige. She’s probably still in practice, Julie reassured herself as she checked her phone. She  didn’t mind waiting a little longer. She closed her eyes, letting the warmth of the sun sink into her skin. 

Her quiet moment was interrupted by the sound of the basketball center doors swinging open. Julie’s head snapped toward the entrance in hopes to see her girlfriend walk through. But it wasn’t Paige—just one of her teammates.

"Waiting for Paige?" her teammate asked, concern evident in her eyes.

Julie immediately sensed something was wrong. A knot formed in her stomach. "Yeah, is she still playing?"

"You haven’t heard?"

Julie’s heart sank. "Heard what? Is she okay?"

Her teammate hesitated, biting her lip. "Paige hurt her knee."

The words hit Julie like a punch to the gut. "What?! How? When did this happen?"

"During a scrimmage. Her knee just gave out... I don’t know exactly what happened."

"Oh my God. Where is she? Is she okay?"

"She’s in the trainer’s room."

"Can I go see her?"

"Yeah, I’ll take you."

Julie grabbed her bag and followed quickly, her mind spinning. Paige has to be okay. She just recovered from an injury last year. This can’t be happening again. As they approached the trainer's office, Julie took a deep breath, steeling herself. Her heart hammered in her chest as she stepped inside and saw Paige lying on a table, an ice pack strapped to her knee.

"Paige?" Julie’s voice wavered as she stepped inside.

Paige looked up, quickly wiping away the tears on her cheeks before trying to smile. "Hey, Jules."

Julie crossed the room and gently placed her hand on top of Paige’s. "What happened?"

"We were playing pick-up. I had the ball, I was bringing it down the court, and... I felt my knee just pop." Paige’s voice cracked, and she sniffled. "I think it’s my ACL."

Julie’s breath hitched. She stared at Paige, then at the ice on her knee. "Your ACL... When do you know for sure?"

"I’m getting an MRI in a few hours, but I’m pretty sure it’s torn."

"Are you going alone? I can come with you," Julie offered, her voice soft but firm.

Paige shook her head. "The staff’s sending someone with me. I’ll be fine."

"I can still come," Julie insisted.

Paige hesitated, searching for an excuse to keep Julie from coming. She didn’t want her girlfriend to see her like this, embarrassed at how vulnerable she felt. "Don’t you have to train for your tournament thing?"

"Hockey’s the last thing on my mind right now," Julie replied without hesitation. "I want to be with you."

Paige’s shoulders sagged, a reluctant sigh escaping her lips. "Are you sure it won’t interfere with anything?"

Julie gave her a reassuring look. "Don’t worry about it."

"Okay," Paige said softly, swallowing her pride. "You can come."

Julie sensed the reluctance in her girlfriend’s voice and tilted her head slightly.I mean…if you don’t want me to be there, then it’s fine. But if you want me to come, I will."

Paige closed her eyes for a moment before answering, her voice thick with emotion. "I want you to come."

"Then I’ll be there," Julie said, squeezing Paige’s hand gently. "Do you need anything? I can grab something from your room—water, a snack?"

Paige shook her head. "No, I’m good. Thanks."

Julie leaned in and kissed Paige’s hand gently. "I’ll be right here, okay? Just tell me if you need anything."

"Thanks," Paige whispered, her voice barely audible.

Julie frowned, sensing the weight Paige was carrying. "I’m really sorry, Paige."

Paige shrugged, forcing a smile. "It happens. I’ll be fine."

The casual dismissal made Julie’s chest tighten. She could see right through the front Paige was putting up. 

"How was practice?" Paige asked suddenly, changing the subject. She hated the feeling of being pitied and she knew Julie was pitying her.

Julie blinked, caught off guard by the shift. "Um…It was good- fine. Nothing exciting."

Paige nodded but didn’t respond. She didn’t know what to say. She was usually the positive, optimistic, energetic one. At that moment, all she wanted to do was break down and cry.  But not here. Not in front of Julie. The silence between them grew, an uncomfortable void neither knew how to fill.

The silence was mercifully broken when the trainer returned, letting them know it was time to head to the hospital. Both Julie and Paige exhaled a breath they didn’t realize they’d been holding.

The ride to the hospital was just as tense as it was in the trainer’s office. Julie sat next to Paige, holding her hand as Paige made phone calls—her voice cracking as she updated her parents and close friends. Every now and then, when Julie heard a sniffle or a tremor in Paige’s voice, she’d give her hand a reassuring squeeze, letting her know she was still there. No matter what, Julie wasn’t going anywhere.

---

Finally, they arrived at the hospital. The sterile smell hit them like a truck the moment they walked through the sliding doors. Julie tightened her grip on Paige’s hand, as they navigated through the maze of hallways and check-in stations. Paige had gotten noticeably quieter,  her usual confidence buried under the weight of her injury. Julie could feel the tension radiating off her girlfriend, every step seeming to push Paige further into her own thoughts. 

When they reached the waiting area outside the imaging center, Julie led them to a pair of chairs in the corner of the room. She glanced at Paige, whose gaze was fixed on the floor. The silence between them felt heavy again, almost suffocating, but Julie didn’t know how to break it. Instead, she gently rubbed her thumb over the back of Paige’s hand, hoping the small gesture was enough to comfort her.

Julie’s thoughts are interrupted by an anxious Paige, shifting uncomfortably in her seat. “Can you stop staring?”

Julie blinked, her heart sinking. "Sorry." Her voice came out small, barely a whisper.

Paige lets out a sigh. It’s like Julie was staring right into her soul. It wasn’t Julie’s fault. It’s just that her gaze felt like it had penetrated every wall Paige had put up. Normally, she appreciated how well Julie could read her, but now it felt like too much. The vulnerability made her skin crawl.

“Are you hungry?” Julie asked, her voice still hesitant.

“No,” Paige responded a little too sharply for her own liking. She saw the way Julie shrank into her seat, and it made her feel frustrated—at herself, at the situation, at everything.

“Okay…well, I’m gonna grab myself something from the vending machine.” Julie says, standing up awkwardly. “I'll be right back.” 

Julie returned a few minutes later, a bag of M&M’s in one hand and a packet of Oreos in the other. She quietly slipped the Oreos into the pocket of Paige’s backpack and murmured, “Just in case,” before sitting down and focusing on her candy, chewing in silence. Paige didn’t respond, but the gesture didn’t go unnoticed.

Minutes ticked by. The occasional hum of conversation from the nurses’ station and the soft footsteps of passing staff filled the air, but otherwise, the space around them felt as still as Paige’s expression. Julie wanted to say something—anything to ease the tension between them—but every word that came to mind felt useless in the face of what Paige was going through.

Just as Julie was about to speak, a nurse entered the waiting room. “Miss Bueckers?”

Paige stood up. The nurse gestured for Paige to head inside, leaving Julie behind.Paige stood up, and Julie watched as the nurse gestured for her to follow. Paige’s limp was more pronounced now, each step looking heavier, more labored. She disappeared through the door into the imaging room, leaving Julie alone in the waiting area.The waiting room felt emptier without Paige beside her, and she found herself fidgeting, her leg bouncing nervously as she waited for her to return.

The seconds felt like minutes and the minutes felt like hours. Every time the door opened, Julie’s head snapped up, only to fall again when it wasn’t Paige. She leaned forward, elbows on her knees, and stared down at her phone. A text notification flashed across her screen—it was her coach, reminding her of tomorrow morning’s practice. Julie swiped the message away without replying. Hockey can wait.

Finally, the door creaked open again, and this time, it was Paige. Their eyes met across the room, and Julie knew what the outcome was before Paige even said a word.

“How’d it go?” The brunette said as Paige approached her. 

"It’s torn," Paige said quietly, her voice strained. “They said I’ll get the results tomorrow but they’re like 99% sure so…” 

Julie’s stomach dropped. “Oh,” was all she could say. Her heart ached, knowing how devastating this would be for Paige. Six months—maybe more—without basketball. She couldn’t imagine how Paige must be feeling. Basketball was Paige’s life, her identity. Without it, who would she be?

Paige let out a long, exhausted sigh. She was drained, both physically and emotionally. All she wanted now was for the day to end. “Ready to go?”

“Yeah, let’s go.” Julie said softly, wrapping her arm around Paige’s shoulders, offering her support as they walked out of the hospital.