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midsummerpetrichor · 2 years ago

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Reflexion

Astarion x reader/Tav

Warning : very bad grammar and very bad Astarion, mention of sex and death and violence, Tav is very depressed

———

Maybe you should have kill him on that beach. It’s what everyone would

You liked helping people, you tend your hand to gale, freed lae’zel, helped that child avoid the druidess’s dreadful punishment. You even helped to dissipate that misunderstandings between Will and Karlach (with your word again, how great you were !)

He didn’t like it. To altruistic, naive, to his taste, he said. And that irked you. You wanted to prove him that you’re not that much of a goodie two shoes (even though you have nothing to prove), so you tried to be a bit more selfish sometimes.

He likes it when you lie, and you were always good at lying. You liked how he smirked at you when those gobelin let you through without much of a second thought.

—

He’s a vampire.

Again you could have kill him, he tried to drain you, and no one in their right mind would have hold that against you.

Again, you didn’t. You listened to him, and when he asked if he could drink from your neck (which, you have to admit, takes a lot of nerves considering he tried mere minutes before without your consent), you accepted.

—

He is complicated. Selfish, for sure.

You reluctantly gave him that strange yet undoubtedly dangerous book of necromancy, but you decided to trust him. You knew that his motivation were more self-serving that he wanted to make you believe, but what’s life if not a leap of faith ? You believed in the goodness of people.

When you took Ethel hair, you understood that he wanted power, and that he didn’t really care for the price.

(He liked it when you fed the owlbear cub, you thought it was cute)

—

You knew that he used to be a slave.

When the hunter is here to bring Astarion back to his “master” you don’t hesitate much before killing him, you have morals after all.

When you think about it, it was probably there that you saw him, the real him, for the first time.

That’s also when you first heard the name Cazador.

—

You cleared the path for the refugee to continue their journey, the same night Astarion and you had sex.

Two birds with one stone some might say.

It didn’t mean a lot, the alcohol and the euphoria from the party helped you not second guessing to much the decision you made.

And you have to admit, he speaks very well too, you weren’t that hard to convince.

—

You had sex a second time, in the underdark.

He teased you, so you teased back : you make him say : “I love you”

It’s a lie, you both knew it, but at that time it was fine, you were too busy saving everyone to have a relationship anyway.

But, you saved the gnome in grymforge, it was a good way to celebrate

—

At the last night inn, you learn that he liked cat.

You also learn that the refugees, that you help a few weeks, if mere days, ago were taken prisoner by the Absolute. You vowed to save them

—

You always wondered why he kept a mirror when he couldn’t see himself in it.

He was quite vain, you found that cute.

You enjoyed being his eyes, at that time, telling him through your gaze how he looked like.

And to be honest, he was beautiful.

You might like him a bit.

—

Infiltrating the High moon tower was easy.

You were that good at lying.

They wouldn’t tell you where the prisoners were but they ask you to retrieve a relic, and you have no doubt that, once in your possession, you’ll be able to sneak them out without a single drop of blood hitting the floor, then disappears from that awful place

—

You saw Astarion’s chain with that drow and her blood potion.

You were disgusted, the stench of that place, for how she saw him as nothing, as a mere object to use,

How she saw you, as his master

How he saw you.

He would have accepted, if only you asked, ordered, him too, if that was what he needed to ensure is survival.

You wanted to cry, to yell, to destroy the entire place (you supposed you did, later).

You wanted him to break free

(You didn’t see as much the goodness in people as much after that, the absolute would do that to you)

—

He talked to you, afterwards.

He explained how he had to seduce prey for his master, how he was tortured, destroyed for 200 hundred years, how he still see himself as only a mean to an end, how sex mostly disgust him, as something tainted

and how now, he wanted it to be different with you.

For you saw him and he saw you and could see himself through your gaze.

He didn’t know how to be with someone so he took your hand, it was nice.

—

You made kind of deal with a devil for him : kill someone (an other devil who’ll just spawn back in his realm) and he’ll read to you what’s on Astarion’s back.

So you did just that.

It was on the way of where the relic were anyway.

—

Astarion thought you should try to join the absolute, take control of the cult and dominate the world.

You said no

He said you still have time to change your mind.

—

You failed to save everyone.

Arabella’s parents are dead (that kid you save from the druids and who’s mom thank you profusely and who’s dad make her promised not to get in trouble again), you find them in the abandoned House of healing. They were tortured.

The refugee also, the relics was an immortal women, and you free her.

Needless to say that it was impossible to infiltrate the Tower after that.

When you came back, after all the fighting, all the dead, you found the cells underneath the tower.

Only puddles of blood were left there.

(You didn’t believe in the goodness of people anymore)

—

The devil told you that the mark in Astarion’s back are the incantation for a ritual, a very dark ritual of very dark magic that would give tremendous power to the vampire who attempted it.

The ritual is called « the Ascension »

You saw the glimmer in Asterion’s eye.

—

You didn’t know if Asterion’s hate for Cazedor was greater than his thirst for power.

To be fair, you didn’t know what to think anymore.

You thought that making it to Baldur’s gate would relieve your mind a bit, it didn’t.

You were attacked by a clown in a circus, some civilian died.

Wyll had to choose between is freedom and his father.

Karlach is dying.

Gale was ordered by a goddess to sacrifice himself to save the world.

Two shop owner’s were killed in front of your eyes as you were tracking the murderer.

You failed at everything

You wish you died in that crash, on the beach.

—

You try to express your concern about the ascension to Asterion, he half listen as you talk by the campfire.

You loved him, you didn’t like seeing him that way, full of hatred, of envy.

And you don’t think you could bear loosing him.

—

You found Cazador’s palace. You didn’t know how you convinced the gards that you were his new servant. it’s felt as if you’re voice was nothing but a shaking whisper : the one of a child caught stealing candies in the kitchen.

They granted you passage anyway and you listened as Astarion tell you all the horror of his years in servitude as you explore the place in research of his master.

—

Seven thousand

That the numbers of souls the ritual needs in order for a vampire to ascend, and Astarion doesn’t care. He is blinded by rage, revenge and desire of freedom that he believe can be only obtain by power.

And you begged, you begged so much, you almost cried, for him to stopped, that he would be no better than his former master -now laying at his feet- and he didn’t hear you.

You voiced failed you, the only time it mattered that it really mattered, it didn’t work.

He asked for your help, and you obliged. You didn’t know what to do anymore, the fear of loosing him paralyzed you, yet, he was there, frenetic, asking once again for your eyes so he could carved his scars into Cazavor’s back. And so you let him in.

It was awful. Your two conscience merged and it was as if the knife was in your hand and you were the one carving his skin. You could hear Cazavor echoing through Astarion’s ears and yours in the same time. You wanted to close your eyes but you couldn’t, he wouldn’t let you. You could feel the blood on your hand and…

And then, it was done.

Astarion started the rituel

Astarion Ascended

You cried.

—

It was terrifying, how he walked, how he spoke. You couldn’t recognize him, but it was him.

He was different without being different, like a seed that was there all along and finally decided to grow.

He always showed no remorse when it come to killing, but those hunter were something else. A game, a demonstration of force, unnecessary and a carnage.

You tried to speak, again, to find compromises as you usually do.

You failed again, it didn’t really matters anymore, everything was just so, so exhausting, and you watched as the body started falling on the ground.

(Who were you to judge, you helped him killed them anyway)

—

You still loved him, you can still see him behind all of this

So, when he called you a pet - his pet !- it hurts so, so much.

You didn’t show sadness though, only anger that he cast aside as if it was nothing, just a joke.

He wanted you eternal with him.

Not like him ! No, gods forbids a vampire create an other equal (he told you that night’s ago, it felt so far away, lost), but as his spawn.

He didn’t call it that way, you’d be his princess, his consort. But what is a name, a spawn by any other name would still fall under it’s creator’s order

And you knew that, if you accepted, as soon as your brain would be free of the tadpole in it, you wouldn’t be able to resist Astarion’s command.

(He said he would never and you wanted to believe him)

You didn’t want eternity, you never did.

You didn’t want to be a glorified slave

But he spoke so well, reassuring you, seducing you. You tried to break it off, to find another way to be with him (because, desperately you still wanted to be with him) and it was exhausting ! You didn’t want to fight not with him, not ever, you didn’t think you could take it.

And he was still speaking, alluring, lurking, cornering you, the choice was yours he assured you, even though it didn’t feel like it, and you were so tired, so lost, he was so sure of himself and it would be just so easy to follow him.

Really, you needed something easy for once.

And to just stop thinking.

So you accepted.

He made it sound like a gift, but as he made you kneel, naked while he wasn’t, telling you how he’ll turn you, you realized that Astarion, this version of Astarion, only takes.

(You didn’t ask him to be careful, you refused to take pleasure in it)

—

You hated all the nicknames (you still do), they made you feel like you were an object (they still do)

He was proud, every time you spoke with him, you could see that glimpse, not of you, but of himself to have you.

He spoke of your future, of controlling the city with you by him side, how he wish he could just kept you in his palace, how you won’t be able to roam far anyway.

He said life was a joke, you started to believe him. The ritual was just an elaborate way to exchange your freedom for his. What a joke indeed.

(You were afraid of what he would do if you tried to leave)

—

You pretended everything was fine, you kissed him, you smiled, you rescued children.

You were always good at lying anyway.

(Your corpse felt so cool at night)

—

It’s over. Everything is over. Baldur’s gate is no longer in danger, your camp is empty, there is no longer a parasite in your brain protecting you from Astarion’s command. You didn’t want to think about it.

He asked what you wanted to do now, and it took all the courage you had, the last flickers of hope, of determination, everything of you really, for you to say you wanted to leave.

And. He. Just. Laughed.

—

You used to be so strong. You really were, you were considered as a hero, an inspiration to the people.

You wondered what they saw in you, truly there was nothing left to salvage in you.

—

The first time you tried to escape, you didn’t make it pass the gate.

He was quite lenient with you he said, as he makes you apologize on his bed, you should thank him for it, and you did, you should beg for his forgiveness, and you did.

You only want to close your eyes and to never wake up again, to never talk, to never feel…

You couldn’t, he didn’t allow it.

—

The second time, a few years later, you managed to survive in the underdark for about two weeks.

He locked you in his room for three years.

Only seeing him, needing him to survive, needing his approbation for everything…

He loved it. He was your everything and he made sure you knew it.

(You never tried to leave again and you wonder why you did in the first place)

—

There are now scars on your back, the similarities with what Cazador did to him is laughable but you didn’t dare bring that up. The marks on your skin are upcoming and going but the scars are permanent.

You think it’s his name but you can’t know for sure, he wouldn’t tell you (maybe one day, he say, if you’re very nice)

How terribly cliché and terribly fitting of him.

He is kissing them right now, in the room you share, in front of the large mirror that ornates the wall, as useful as a pinch of salt in the seawater.

You’re glad though, he calls you “beautiful”, “pretty”, “my treasure�� and so many other things,

but you couldn’t bear to see, in your reflection, what you’ve become.

#baldur's gate 3 #astarion #bad english #bad ending #red flags #fanfic

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midsummerpetrichor · 4 years ago

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Unfair

So I love the Overhaul series of @after-witch and decide to write a fanfic of it I guess, which make it a fanfic of a fanfic. This took place some times after Baby Mine.

---

TW : Forced relashionship, insanity, murder, infanticide, English is not my first language, implied canibalism. If you are a minor go away

---

You know you shouldn’t feel that way.

Your daughter is playing with pastel colored crayons on the floor (because daddy is not here, it’s fine don’t worry sweety), drawing the perfect family that you are, “mommy, daddy, and me in the middle”

And you can’t help it really, but feel as if it's her fault, if she didn’t feel the need to go to her fucking father neither of us would be here anymore.

It’s irrational

It’s wrong

Probably he could have figured it out without her, and you would still be here anyway.

But still, still…

That awful, crawling feeling in the back of your mind won’t go away.

It’s her fault

And it was here for quite some time now, long enough for Kai to trust you again with the kitchen, for you to put again those how so well rehearsed smile on your face, and for the incident, as he likes to call it, to be a quite forgotten tantrum that you put.

You know that, whatever you say, Kai won’t listen, like your daughter who promises to keep it a secret and run to her father at the first occasion, and if he finds you difficult, he just puts you back in the room.

Now that you think about it, it’s really in the room that it takes its root in your mind, like a shadow darker than the obscurity you were in murmuring into your ears.

It’s her fault, she is ungrateful, and won’t ever listen to you, like her father.

That’s wrong.

She and Kai have the same eyes though…

Your daughter is innocent, nothing like her father, and look how beautiful her drawing is, don’t you look so happy ? She is coloring the floor now, you ask her to stop, you’ll have to clean after her, she doesn't listen.

You have to start preparing dinner. Kai will be home soon.

It is frustrating sometimes, how she won’t do as you told, how kai would calmly, condescendingly remind you that there is no reason to raise your voice when you dare complain how homeschooling can be difficult, she is like her father, and it’s not fair how she won’t go in the room if she misbehaves.

You can’t think that, she is a child, she is your child.

You’re probably chopping those vegetables a bit harder than necessary.

Most of the time, you manage to keep the dark feeling away, it’s here but not bothering you too much, you have to focus to keep smiling in front of Kai. And you love your daughter, you would sacrifice anything for her but haven’t you already, smiling and play house with her father, exhausting yourself to teaching her by yourself amount of class that she doesn’t care about, and look how an ungrateful brat she is, not listening to you, it’s her fault if you’re trapped here.

It’s not her fault, it’s Kai's fault, Kai that would be home soon and you have to clean the mess your daughter made and finish dinner before he arrives. He won’t be mad at her, he’ll remind you that it’s your job at her mom to educate her and keep the house clean.

There is pork in the fridge that waits to be cooked as Kai planned on the kitchen timetable, although you were never a big fan of that meat, it’s important for your daughter to eat it from time to time. Kai loves your daughter, he would never let anything nor anyone hurt her.

It would be a shame if anything happened to her.

How could you ever think that, truly you should be disgusted with yourself, you are not, you would never ever hurt her, she is your daughter, isn’t keeping her outside of the world hurting her though, she is everything you have, did you ever want to be a mother, you don’t remember if you wanted kids or if Kai told you you want them, and you told her already to take her pencils out and clean herself up, she didn’t, you love her, do you, it’s her fault if you here.

You cut yourself with the knife. You raise you’re voice a little when you ask her again to put her drawings away, and now she start crying and screaming fucking annoying. It’s your fault, Kai says, if she cries and screams. Is it ? Sometimes, you want to hurt him as much as he hurt you. If he comes home now, he will be so disappointed if you can’t even manage your daughter and dinner, and if you dare argue he’ll dismiss it as if your complaints were nothing but the annoying buzzing of a fly, if you dare cry he’ll put you to sleep with those white pills.

You want to cry so bad.

You don’t want the pills.

Your daughter never gets to take the pills if she cries. You can’t be jealous of your daughter can’t you ? You don’t know anymore.

Does a parent have to love their child ?

Yes, No.

Would it be easier if your daughter wasn’t here ?

No,Yes.

You are not happy, keeping the smile in place is exhausting, why are you playing house when you don’t want to, why do you love your daughter when it’s because of her you’re trapped here.

The pork is now waiting to be cut, Kai asked you to cook it on the stove, you really don’t like it like that but you don’t want to disobey. Really ? There is nothing else to cook.

Really ?

She keeps screaming and crying, really it’s ugly, almost grotesque.

That the face he would make if he cries, they look similar.

-If daddy was here he would let me do what I want!

If daddy was here, he would ask me why I can’t make you behave, I would have to support his scolding for your tantrum, you fucking ungrateful spoiled kid. You can’t yell at her because it’s bad parenting. Her face is red and swollen, full of tears and snots and you can’t help but imagine that it’s the face he would have if...

No.

Why not?

Don’t you want to hurt him ? If you can’t escape, don’t you want to drag him down with you ? And your daughter, does she really deserve everything you did for her ? Shouldn’t she repay you ? Helping you make her father miserable ?

It’s her fault if you’re here.

Maybe.

Her screams are starting to give you a headache, and the dark feeling in your mind, in your ears is growing and growing, it was probably you murmuring in your own ear from the beginning.

And crawling and crawling, you don’t really want to think anymore.

You open wide your arms,the how so rehearsed smile on your face with the how so sharp knife in your right hand.

-I’m so sorry for yelling sweety, come give a hug to mommy.

And so, she comes running to you, limbs so thin and fragile.

It’s only fair, you thought as you put the meat on the stove.

#yandere overhaul #bhna #overhaul #dark #fanfic

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