mildewcasedheart - Tumblr blog

[mildewcasedheart]

ugly and stupid , me

Can I show you my ugliest pieces? Can you look upon my pain and be brave enough to stay? I have yet to find one who wants to sit with me as I solve my own puzzle.

[mildewcasedheart]

out

loud

proud

[mildewcasedheart]

i have little patience for myself

but i'd wait a lifetime

for you

[mildewcasedheart]

i want to let go of the wreckage

and hold on to the wash of the waves

rock me

[mildewcasedheart]

😍

[mildewcasedheart]

lemme

[mildewcasedheart]

baby's first pride

[mildewcasedheart]

i'm free

from the agony of wondering if

she will ever show up

if

she will ever pick up the phone

or maybe, just maybe

she will be a part of my life

i move now from agony to healing. please be gentle with me.

[mildewcasedheart]

💦

[mildewcasedheart]

gimme

moan directly into my mouth actually

[mildewcasedheart]

see more than my skin

feel more than my bones

keep me close enough to hear in our shared silences

[mildewcasedheart]

i can feel it in the back of my throat

crawling up my tongue

and jumping through my lips

it's you, in every breath

[mildewcasedheart]

🔥

Good Morning to me.

[mildewcasedheart]

with everything i have

accessible, or not

i'll care

until i forget how it works

[mildewcasedheart]

real talk

the first and only girl i've ever loved hasn't talked to me in months. while we were dating, a gas explosion and gigantic fire happened within eyesight of her place. 2 people died. she was evacuated and unharmed. it scared me so much as we were long distance and i didn't have the ability to do anything.

that was a year ago.

this weekend, there was a news article about an electrical explosion and huge fire near her. i started to panic. i deleted her number months ago because she made a comment about me being toxic , and i wanted to respect her and not impulsively message her when i was feeling emotional. i messaged her on Facebook on Friday, on Instagram on Saturday morning, and from my business instagram on Saturday pm and on her business Facebook on Sunday am. i guessed her number from memory and text her. i messaged her sister. no replies. deep down i wanted to believe she was fine and ignoring me. but on the surface, i was horrified that she couldn't be so fortunate twice. i was out of my freaking mind. then i realize i can google if there were any injuries. the answer is no.

so i guess I was right. i made myself sick for 3 days and she's most likely fine.

what else is it going to take for me to get over this person who clearly doesn't care about me ?

💔

[mildewcasedheart]

i like slow

“The slower the kiss, the faster the heartbeat.”

— Unknown

[mildewcasedheart]

😍