millionancientbees

[millionancientbees]

(crushing up a handful of cigarettes into the taco meat) i always do this. fantastic umami taste

[millionancientbees]

every horror game needs to give you a gun so if you get too scared you can shoot yourself

[millionancientbees]

"Would you rather use the app? :)" I cannot begin to describe how much I wouldn't

[millionancientbees]

Friend group chats are fun. Today one of my friends, who keeps pet crayfish, found babies in a tank that was supposed to be a males only. No choice but to empty out the whole tank to fish out the babies of unknowable origins. But lo and behold, there was a culprit: one teeny tiny little female had somehow escaped containment, evidently specifically going out of her way to break into this all male tank to get railed by like 15 males twice her size. Possibly completely different breed, too. Monsterfucker supreme.

So for a good solid hour or so, the whole group chat was focused on. slutshaming this one specific little crustacean. With like 300 babies.

[millionancientbees]

[millionancientbees]

unpopular opinion: everything matters it’s real and it is that deep

[millionancientbees]

Children please stop calling the slightest hint of sexual desire “gooning” I’m going to strangle all of you

[millionancientbees]

theres no such thing as tmi to me. i want to live in your ribcage.

[millionancientbees]

Finding out the person you’ve been trying to fuck for years is like. Pretty not into sex, even if they are into YOU as a person COULD be devastating. But not if you’re me, a go-getter with a love for finding solutions.

But what does this look like you ask? Well, I’ve spent countless hours being like “man I would LOVE to be giving you road head right now!” But that’s not on the table, so I’ve gotta think things like “what emotions and responses am I trying to accomplish for the both of us? A bit of a thrill? Conveying desperation im willing to act on? A shared, encapsulated intimacy that leaves you giggly and kind of unsatisfied at the same time? Trust and risk taking?” And then sit there combining random non-sexual ideas until I come up with the right enough thing to accomplish the major driving desire.

Bonus points: it’s extremely fun to brainstorm ideas with similarly freaky friends with the understanding that nothing is too ridiculous. I laughed until I cried trying to come up with some solutions the other night AND came up with some bangers (excuse the pun).

[millionancientbees]

probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.

we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."

at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.

the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.

the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.

what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.

here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.

[millionancientbees]

no homo but the deer in headlights look you got going on is doing it for me

[millionancientbees]

[millionancientbees]

Promise I’ll update my fics soon. I’ve been debut novelling my ass off.

[millionancientbees]

I love when a character wants to be someone's dog so so bad. Dont mean it in a sexual way (although that can also be a part of it) I mean like. Let me be your loyal companion let me stay by your side give me a purpose in exchange for endless unconditional love let me stop being a person love me like it's my only use. Love me like that's the only thing I was made for. As you can tell. I'm normal.

[millionancientbees]

finding out that someone is secretly a pervert is like when the clouds open up and the sun shines so beautifully over the tree tops and warms your skin

[millionancientbees]

Anatomical Heart and Japanese Eel (2024).

解剖心臓と鰻 (2024)。

[millionancientbees]

Starry animal portrait commission for @violent-fumes // Commission Info