mimichan2018 - Tumblr blog

mimichan2018 · 2 years

Text

Can't believe it's been almost two years...

Drarry recs :)

HAPPY 2021 EVERYONE!

I’ve been re-reading a number of my favourite Drarry fics recently and thought some of you might be interested in a few recs as I always LOVE yours :) Of course - there are many more amazing ones but I had to choose…

Some of these are super famous but just so amazing I couldn’t not have them on the list… If you have any to recommend to me - do tell :P. Also, I’ve realised I tend to like long and explicit ones although my two all-time favourites aren’t strangely enough!

BTW - I’m writing my own fic called Allegiance -

Summary - A month after the Battle of Hogwarts, Harry is a complete mess and everyone knows it. Draco’s on trial and has it all figured out - that is, until Harry Potter takes it upon himself to put a spanner in the works and they both get a whole lot more than they bargained for…This is a Post-War story about the War Trials and Dark magic, healing and facing one’s fears, understanding and growth, a cottage in the Cotswolds and a can of baked beans, love and a pair of Weasley jumpers.

Edit - Allegiance is here! finished :) Enjoy! - https://archiveofourown.org/works/33585556/chapters/83455573

If you like fics that take place at Hogwarts/during school years I can suggest -

1.The Eclipse by Mijan - This 6th year fic is gold in my books. It’s long and not explicit but a MUST read.

Summary - “You’re dead, Potter… I’m going to make you pay…”Draco swore his revenge on Harry for Lucius’s imprisonment, and Harry all but laughed at him. But Draco is planning more than schoolyard pranks this time. The old rivalry turns deadly when Draco abducts Harry for Voldemort. It’s the perfect plan, guaranteeing revenge, power, and prestige, all in one blow. But when Draco’s world turns upside down, the fight to save himself and Harry begins, and the battle will take them both through hell and back. If they come back.

2.Evitative by Vichen - This is an AMAZING fic - Harry as a Slytherin. A MUST read. It’s long and not explicit.

Summary - In the summer before his fifth year at Hogwarts, Harry is drawn to a room in Grimmauld Place. Like the Gryffindor he is, he enters the room without fear. The room is a library, and Harry is surprised to find that he’s eager to learn.Then he gets the bad news: he’s been accidentally expelled from Hogwarts, and he needs to be sorted again. Everyone is confident that he’ll go straight back to Gryffindor, but with what he’s been learning, Harry’s not so sure.

3.Temptation on the Warfront by alizarincrimson - This is a great 7th year Fic. It’s long and explicit.

Summary - Draco Malfoy is forced into hiding with the Golden Trio and dragged into their search for horcruxes. What ensues is a journey of redemption, unexpected friendships and an unwanted, turbulent romance with Harry Potter. Warnings for swearing, sexual content, and dark themes.

4.Salt on the Western Wind by Saras_Girl - This is a Post War fic, just after the battle of Hogwarts. It is amazing and heart warming, as is almost everything from this author.

Summary - When the war isn’t quite as over as it first appears, a guilt-ridden Harry is sent to a mysterious safe-house. Among sandwiches, insomnia, and Mills & Boon, he discovers something quite unexpected.

5.Helix by Saras_Girl - Again… :) this one somehow stays with me all winter every year. Post war - long and explicit but just the right dose :P

Summary - Seven months after the end of the war, Harry is feeling lost. Fortunately, he is about to be offered an unexpected and sparkling chance to find himself again.

6.Bond by Anna Fugazzi - This 8th year fic is a classic - again, long and explicit.

Summary - Harry and Draco are the victims of a old marriage bonding curse and have to learn to live together through their school year.

7.You Look the Way I Feel by yourdifferentoctober - I really enjoyed this 8th year fic - there is a lot of PTSD etc. Again, long and explicit - there’s a trend… :P

Summary - Draco returns for his eighth year at Hogwarts in an attempt to salvage whatever he can of his future. His plan: sit as many N.E.W.T.s as possible, distance himself from the Malfoy name, and keep out of trouble. Of course, with his father on trial and at risk of unthinkable punishment, not to mention the anxiety-fueled “episodes” that have been plaguing him since summer, the school year doesn’t go so smoothly. Especially when Harry Potter keeps seeking him out.

8.Secrets by Vorabiza - this is an alternative to DH so 7th year. Old and brilliant fic - a classic really. Very long and explicit.

Summary - Beginning with Draco’s unexpected arrival at the Dursleys, Harry’s summer after sixth year becomes filled with activity and many secrets. As his summer progresses, Harry generates several unexpected allies as he finds himself actively becoming the leader of the Light side.

9.Written on the heart by Who_la-hoop - 8th year fic - long and explicit.

Summary - Harry doesn’t mind that so many Slytherins from his year have returned to finish their NEWTs, really he doesn’t. It’s just – do they have to be so friendly? He’s not prejudiced, really he’s not. It’s just – they’ve got to be up to something, right? Unnerved by the attention he’s attracting from everyone – the Slytherins are the least of it, to be fair – and struggling with a raft of changes to Hogwarts itself, Harry wishes he could be happy that one constant remains: Draco Malfoy really fucking hates him. When he’s hit by an illegal love-spell though, Harry finds he has more to worry about than whether or not Blaise Zabini actually wants to be his friend. For if everyone affected has been blessed – or cursed, by the look on Malfoy’s face – with a magical tattoo revealing the name of their soulmate, what does it mean that Harry’s skin remains completely bare?

10.Oath Breaker by GoblinCatKC - 7th year fic - long and explicit

Summary - At the start of seventh year, the Malfoys perform a dramatic double-cross against the dark lord and Draco educates Harry in an old school of magic. With a wild dragon chase, narrow escapes and an unlikely romance as Draco is forced to reveal to a hostile wizarding world that the Malfoy family is dark.

11.The men who loved Dragons too much by fencer_x, IDoodleForNoodles - 7th year fic (alternate to DH) - very long and explicit.

Summary - ‘Kill Albus Dumbledore’ is less a challenging task and more a suicide mission, so when Draco Malfoy is presented with the option to either dispatch his Headmaster or suffer an excruciating and most ignominious death of his own, along with his parents, he reaches deep into his black little Slytherin heart and manages to scrape together enough courage to go with option C instead: Spend Sixth Year secretly studying Animagecraft in the hopes he’ll turn into something sufficiently imposing even the Dark Lord himself won’t be able to keep Draco under his thumb. But just his luck, his Animagus form turns out to be a dragon, and a rather randy juvenile at that, intent on finding its mate: one Harry James Potter.

12.Things worth knowing by Femme - 8th year fic - long and very explicit.

Summary - After the Battle, Harry thinks he’s left Hogwarts for good, but Minerva insists that all students return for an Eighth Year if they wish to sit for NEWTs in the spring, and Harry needs those NEWTs to go into the Aurors. Draco’s just grateful not to be in Azkaban. Or the Manor. He’s hoping he can steer clear of Potter this year and grapple with his own problems. Unfortunately for him, Potter appears to be one of those problems. And that’s not even addressing the fact that Potter’s got serious issues of his own, which Draco realises as he’s forced to share an Eighth Year dormitory room and several classes with the Gryffindor Git. If only they can make it through the year without killing each other, it should be all right, shouldn’t it?

13.Azoth by zetgeistic - 8th year fic - classic! long and explicit.

Summary - Now that Harry is back at Hogwarts with Hermione for eighth year, he realises that something’s missing from his life, and it either has to do with Ron, his boggart, Snape, or Malfoy. Furthermore, what, exactly, does it mean when one’s life is defined by the desire to simultaneously impress and annoy a portrait? Harry has no idea; he’s too busy trying not to be in love with Malfoy to care.

If you like later years Harry and Draco :P, I suggest -

1.Turn by Saras_Girl - AMAZING story. It actually gave me the balls to quit my job and start a new career. Anything by Saras_Girl as you will probably know is gold anyway. Long and explicit.

Summary - Harry is unhappy with his job and life and is given a chance to glimpse into an alternative life. What if he’d helped Draco that day in the bathroom? :)

2.Any Instrument by @dictacontrion - Another amazing fic. Beautifully written and the emotions are spot on. Long and explicit. Mind Healer Draco.

Summary - Draco Malfoy wouldn’t go back to England for anything less than an exceptional case. Being asked to figure out why Harry Potter can’t control his magic might be exceptional enough to qualify. Healer Draco and disabled Harry.

3.Balance.Imperfect by @bixgirl1 - Same as above :) Long and explicit. It sticks with you.

Summary - When Harry sustains an injury in the line of work, he no longer knows how to navigate the life he loved, and finds help and solace from the most unexpected source.

4.The Full Four Seasons by ravenclawsquill - Beautiful fic - fell in love with Harry here… Long and explicit.

Summary - Draco Malfoy just wants a quiet life. He has a successful business, a lovely wife, and a delightfully horrible circle of friends. He’s fine. Or, he was fine until Harry Potter thundered into his life with all the subtlety of a blast-ended skrewt and turned everything on its head. Now he’s beginning to wonder if ‘fine’ is enough, after all.

5.Little Compton Street (One Rainy Night in Soho) by LLAP115, Writcraft - Great and original fic, beautifully written. Long and explicit.

Summary - Draco is lonely, Harry hates the press and it won’t stop raining in London. Harry discovers a magical street that’s close to disappearing forever and Draco realises he’s one rainy night in Soho away from finding everything he’s been searching for.

6.Light up the night by Saras_Girl - Beautifully written - stays with you like a warm cup of tea (or coffee if you’re from the other side of the pond) :) Long and explicit but just the right dose :P

Summary - Harry loves making fireworks and Draco loves to watch and comment. :P Just read it…

7.All Life is Yours to Miss by Saras_Girl - Again, warm and fuzzy all over. Long and explicit. Professors Potter and Malfoy.

Summary - Professor Malfoy’s world is contained, controlled, and as solitary as he can make it, but when an act of petty revenge goes horribly awry, he and his trusty six-legged friend are thrown into Hogwarts life at the deep end and must learn to live, love and let go.

8.All Our Secrets Laid Bare by firethesound - Great fic. long and explicit.

Summary - Over the six years Draco Malfoy has been an Auror, four of his partners have turned up dead. Harry Potter is assigned as his newest partner to investigate just what is going on.

9.What we pretend we can’t see by gyzym - I loved the take on Grimmauld Place here :)

Summary - Seven years out from the war, Harry learns the hard truth of old history: it’s never quite as far behind you as you thought. He sold 12 Grimmauld place, he doesn’t know to whom and he tells himself he doesn’t care. Until a certain blond is in the picture.

#drarry fic rec #draco x harry #drarry fanfic

53 notes · View notes

mimichan2018 · 3 years

Text

Thank you so much to @drarryspecificrecsdaily for mentioning the book length fic I completed yesterday: Allegiance. Can't believe I got there! :)

2021.11.16

Complete fics posted on AO3 this day

1. Allegiance by @mimichan2018 [E, 204k]

►A month after the Battle of Hogwarts, Harry is a complete mess and everyone knows it. Draco’s on trial and has it all figured out - that is, until Harry Potter takes it upon himself to put a spanner in the works and they both get a whole lot more than they bargained for…

2. The Importance of Charming Draco Malfoy by @upon-poppyhills [T, 141k]

►The answer to the age-old question, “What if instead of a scratch on the arm, Buckbeak had stomped on Draco’s head instead and caused tragic memory loss?” It was a truth universally acknowledged that the path to reforming a Slytherin prince never did run smooth.

—

Fest/Exchange

1. dive (and have no fear) by @callmegri [T, 4k]

►Draco Malfoy loves baths, but has no access to bathtubs. Harry Potter loves his friends, and has many of said bathtubs. It makes perfect sense to call Draco over to have a bath. …Right? ★ HD Suds Fest 2021 | @hdsudsfest

2. intricate rituals, lovingly shared by @glitteringvoids [T, 4k]

►Harry doesn’t like baths. The Dursley’s didn’t care to make the experience pleasant. Draco though, Draco cares. ★ HD Suds Fest 2021 | @hdsudsfest

#drarry #drarry fanfic #drarry fic rec #harry potter #draco malfoy #daily list #2021 #2021.11

96 notes · View notes

mimichan2018 · 3 years

Photo

#drarry #drarryfics

Most popular fics of 2020

✔ subjectively sorted by Hits || alphabetically listed || as of 2021.10 (5868 works) ✔ 2020 in review : (daily) complete fics + (monthly) longest fics + list of all the fests ✔ most popular fics of other years

—

(Un)wanted by @aibidil [E, 36k]

Accidental Magic by @penguinanimagus [E, 34k]

Adventures in Truth and Texting by @fluxweeed [E, 11k]

Adventures of a Suicidal Gentleman by GallaPlacidia [?, 47k]

Aletheia by @lazywonderlvnd [E, 8k]

The Alpha’s precious treasure by @polly-weasley [E, 3k]

‘And The Forest Met The Sky’ by Silverhood [M, 87k]

Another Heart Whispers Back by @slytherco [E, 53k]

the best treasure is up Harry’s arse by @bafflinghaze [E, 2k]

A Big Black Sky by @alxmeg [M, 90k]

Bitter Transmutation : Cruel Transformation by @dorthyanndrarry [M, 103k]

The Blind & The Silent by darkpyroangel06 [E, 59k]

Bond Bright by @caedes12 [E, 36k]

A Brother to Basilisks by Lomonaaeren [M, 613k]

The Bucket List by GallaPlacidia [?, 32k]

Can’t Afford to Fall by @p1013 [E, 100k]

Can’t Fight The Moonlight by @magicalrocketships [M, 16k]

Can’t Fight This Feeling by @writcraft [E, 10k]

Cassiopeia Lily Malfoy by GallaPlacidia [?, 37k]

Caught by the Ferret Tail by Alien_Slushie [T, 4k]

The Changing Lights by @lazywonderlvnd [E, 142k]

Clouds That Veil the Midnight Moon by @drarrytrash [E, 36k]

The Courting by the Pureblood Who Only Has Five Milligrams of Romantic Intelligence and Thinks He’s Real Smooth by @cibeewastaken [T, 19k]

Criminal by @the-sinking-ship [E, 83k]

Crown Witness by @slytherco [E, 70k]

The Curse of the Sea by @samyistrying [E, 62k]

Diffraction Patterns (I Don’t Know How to Forget You) by @yourdifferentoctober [E, 93k]

Doing love the right way by Linola [E, 2k]

Draco might not be a Weasley by blood, but he’s family by @mfingenius [M, 50k]

Evitative by @k-vichan [T, 222k]

Ex Nihilo (And Other Feats of An Untrained Veela) by Kandakicksass [M, 127k]

A Family of Our Own by @dwell-on-dreams [E, 2k]

The Ferret’s Nest by @l0vegl0wsinthedark [E, 9k]

Found Family by Doctor_Who_Cares [E, 148k]

The Four Doors by @fluxweeed [E, 48k]

freely, as men strive for right by @bixgirl1 [E, 17k]

Friends? Is That What We Are? by @l0vegl0wsinthedark [E, 33k]

Get Your Kinks Out by @cassiopeiasshadow [E, 38k]

The Gryffindor And His Slytherin by ridleyrey [E, 59k]

Heart Like Neon by @lqtraintracks [E, 41k]

Hogwarts a school for all kinds of creatures by UnicornPower1 [E, 254k]

I Was Held In Chains But Now I’m Free by gayshiit [E, 24k]

I’ll Tell You Mine (If You Tell Me Yours) by @drarryruinedme7 [E, 4k]

I’m So Tired by andrewminyardenthusiast & @brekkerenthusiast [T, 84k]

If an Injury Is to Be Inflicted by @shealwaysreads [E, 44k]

If It Takes All Night by @tackytigerfic [M, 10k]

In Another Life (I Would Make You Stay) by aboutmalfoy [T, 112k]

in heat by @bonesliketambourines [E, 4k]

Inside Your Mind by @lazywonderlvnd [E, 36k]

knickers in a twist by technicolourbeat [E, 86k]

Let Out the Beast by @acupforslytherin [E, 9k]

Licking a Path to You by @drarryruinedme7 [E, 18k]

Light up the Night by Saras_Girl [M, 98k]

Love and Other Unsafe Medical Practices by @tedahfromtayla [E, 116k]

Lucid by @dracoladon [E, 4k]

Luckiest Baby in the World by @mfingenius [M, 18k]

The Mirror of Ecidyrue by starbrigid [ series ]

Modern Love by @tackytigerfic [E, 61k]

Nero su bianco by @zuzallove [E, 40k]

Never Grow A Wishbone by @shanastoryteller [T, 123k]

The New Flight Instructor by @mxmaneater [E, 143k]

The Nobility of Ascent by Lomonaaeren [E, 27k]

Nothing Stays the Same by isabelbarret [E, 103k]

Nyctophilia by prolonged_autumn [E, 108k]

Of Custody and Guardianship by Ghostnic [T, 50k]

Omega’s Binding by @madriddler [E, 49k]

The One Where Draco Loses his Mind and Gains a Boyfriend by @dianacopland & @sassy-cissa [E, 18k]

Owl Was Well by @fencer-x [T, 66k]

A Perfectly Valid Dare by @ano-ka-ba & @kittymiaomeow [E, 5k]

Ruined Omega by @madriddler [E, 97k]

See It My Way by @queenofthyme [E, 26k]

Sententia by @anchanee [M, 313k]

The Sinner’s Redemption by @dianacopland [E, 55k]

Snowball Kisses by @eatamilkbone [E, 21k]

A Social Arrangement by @bitkahuna [E, 143k]

Something Good (The Second Time Around) by Ravenclaw626 [E, 99k]

Split by @pocketwatchangora [E, 41k]

Strawberries and Pajamas by @drarrysht [E, 3k]

Sucker by @ruinsplume-lefthandedbasilisk [E, 117k]

Synonyms For Pretend by Scarlett_Lucian [T, 33k]

There Will Be Time. by dracoseratonin [T, 62k]

There’s Too Many People (That Walk Alone) by huffinglepuff [T, 39k]

Time and Again by @manixzen [E, 68k]

To Be Out of Your Own (and consumed by another) by @cassiaratheslytherpuff [E, 18k]

True Children Still by @gracerene09 [E, 34k]

Two Trees by @eelwinks [E, 36k]

Under My Skin by @polly-weasley [E, 8k]

Vanished by @devilrising [E, 134k]

Vortex by @xanthippe74 [T, 20k]

The Wand That Chose Two Wizards by @talkingtravesties [T, 116k]

What Dreams May Come by @firethesound [E, 36k]

What’s Left Behind by ElvaDeath [T, 74k]

when evil blooms by thedoomofvalyria [E, 83k]

When The Smoke Clears by GoldFrostbite13 [M, 158k]

Where The Falcons Fly by MyNameIsThunder [M, 283k]

With Friends Like These by @bixgirl1 [E, 6k]

The Wrong Sort by @caffeinatedflumadiddle [T, 289k]

You Look the Way I Feel by @yourdifferentoctober [E, 108k]

You were made for me by @polly-weasley [E, 4k]

Your Daddy Knows (You’re A Flame) by @ladderofyears [E, 27k]

1K notes · View notes

mimichan2018 · 3 years

Text

Allegiance - Chapter 1 - The Forbidden Forest

It was dark and cold and oppressing and oh-so-familiar … Harry knew exactly where he was despite not being able to see. The Forbidden Forest. Again. Fuck.

He instantly recognised the tingling of the green burst of light all over his body, from his toes and his fingertips to the scar on his forehead, which was hurting like hell. It felt like being struck by lightning. How very ironic, he thought, that the great Harry Potter was to meet his end as he had started – with a bolt of lightning.

There was some poetic mirroring there somewhere, he was sure, and his subconscious may have enjoyed torturing him further on the issue, but his ears were now buzzing loudly, refusing to let his mind drift. It didn’t help either that he could still hear the echo of the Killing Curse that had just hit him square in the chest, resonating within him like the soundwaves of a bass.

Harry knew this was a dream. One of the many similar dreams he had been having since the War had ended a month ago.

There was something quite comforting about knowing that what he was experiencing wasn’t real, at least not anymore, but reliving his death on repeat was far from a pleasant experience and not something he would wish on anyone, not even Draco Malfoy, he decided.

He was falling backwards from the force of the curse, his eyes tightly shut and his hands clenched into fists, waiting for the impact he knew would come. Thankfully, any minute now he would hit the hard ground and wake up, as he always did. He just needed to wait.

But, for the moment, he was falling, his mind focused on trying to keep calm.

Just another few seconds, he told himself, clenching his jaw tightly to stop his teeth from chattering.

He wasn’t complaining though; he liked to feel his scar again. Not that he would ever admit it, but it had always been something he could rely on to give him a sense of direction. Since Voldemort’s death, his scar had not hurt once, and although it had been a relief during the first few days, it had quickly turned into a void, a feeling of unease, as if a part of him was missing.

He hated to think about what it all meant, but the truth was that he missed the sense of purpose it had afforded him in the last seven years, even if it had been a doorway to the most dangerous dark wizard of their time. He knew it sounded ridiculous, but it didn’t change that fact, and this was his nightmare after all.

When he thought that he had waited long enough, he instinctively flung his arms behind, waiting for the familiar ground to crush against them and miraculously wake him up, but there was nothing there to meet his flailing hands. He was still … falling.

What the hell is going on? His strained inner voice screamed as he threw his arms sideways to try to reach out for something, anything. His mind was racing at an alarming pace when he failed to hit the ground after what now felt like … well, way too long …

Time in dreams really makes no sense at all, he thought. For all he knew, time could have stopped altogether. The idea of being stuck in time, dying forever on end, was terrifying, unbearable. A Groundhog Day joke made especially for him. He grimaced: irony again.

Panic engulfed him as his throat tightened and his hungry lungs began to desperately gasp for air, small spots of light flickering into his vision. When his hands frantically moved to his throat, however, fear morphed into detachment and a chilling thought whispered to him: Why fight it? It should have been the end then … You know that … In fact …

As the idea formed in his mind, Harry felt a pressure in his chest which had nothing to do with lack of air. He let the familiar feeling roll over him, seep through his soul until he was enveloped in nothingness.

I want this. This time, don’t let me wake up.

As the thought lingered, he felt a small, bitter smile pull at the sides of his lips and tears of relief run into his ears and hair.

Let it be the end. Please.

Just as he was about to let go completely, however, another voice burst into his head, full of dread and something akin to … hope.

“POTTER?!”

He would have recognised it anywhere, but it didn’t make any sense.

“Malfoy?” he mouthed, as his awareness kicked in again. A choked cry escaped him when he heard the boy scream in what could only be the same intense pain he had felt so many times himself.

Instinctively, Harry then did something he had never done before – although clearly this nightmare wasn’t like any of the others as Malfoy had certainly never appeared – he opened his eyes. All he saw was a faint flicker of blond hair, an outstretched hand and terrified grey eyes, before everything disappeared and he found himself staring at his wardrobe, his hands on either side of him, sitting up in sweat-soaked blankets, trembling.

It took him several minutes to catch his breath and register that he was in his room at Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place. He moved his fingers cautiously, then his toes and, when he felt confident that he could feel his body again, he stretched towards the nightstand to feel for his glasses. As he reached out, a wave of nausea swept through him and it was all he could do to pick them up and rush for the bathroom, banging his big toe against the doorframe on the way, before being violently sick.

When he felt that the worst was behind him, he rinsed the sink – he hadn’t made it to the toilet – and looked up at his foggy reflection in the mirror. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and awkwardly placed his glasses on his nose, hands still trembling from the vivid dream and the more recent strain on his body.

It was not unusual for him to be sick after one of these nightmares: in fact, he couldn’t remember the last time he had walked around without a cloud of nausea in the pit of his stomach. He had got used to it, though. It was, he thought, his new normal. He looked at his reflection and frowned.

Harry Potter. The Boy Who Lived. The Boy Who Lived Again …

“The Boy Who Won’t Fucking Die!” he spat at the innocent mirror.

His frustration boiling over, he punched the glass with as much force as he could muster. It must have been enough because cracks appeared from the point of impact and the pain in his hand was certainly real. After taking a few ragged breaths, he reluctantly dragged his fist away, warm, red blood dripping into the sink. He half-smiled as he looked at the wound: physical pain was always a relief compared to his inner turmoil. He had become accustomed to these outbursts when he was on his own, even relied on them to keep his mind connected to reality. Why not, when all you need to do is …

“Tergeo,” he murmured, observing with morbid fascination as fragments of broken glass magically removed themselves from his knuckles and his blood started to coagulate.

He had become frighteningly good at wandless healing spells as he never seemed to have his wand ready when his outbursts occurred. Perhaps that’s a good thing, he mused.

He looked up at his reflection, now fractured and uneven, trying to calm his breathing.

Neither can live while the other survives. Trelawney’s voice rattled, unwanted, in his head.

Voldemort’s dead, he told himself for what felt like the hundredth time. Doesn’t that mean I should, I don’t know, be able to live? So why does it feel like I’m just surviving, even more than when I was tied to him? He swallowed with difficulty as the question that kept painfully pressing on his chest formed in his mind: Who am I without him?

The thought of having no answer to that question – or worse, that the answer was that he was nothing at all – was terrifying. A fresh wave of nausea threatened to take over again when a familiar snarl cut through it.

“Who do you think you are, Potter?” His last name was all but spat out with utter disgust. “Wait until they realise you’re not the perfect hero they think you are.”

Harry smiled at the memory of his teenage nemesis confidently taunting him in the safe corridors of Hogwarts, leaving him with an unexplained sense of … Longing, he realised, surprising himself.

“Well, there’s a first …” he said, shaking his head.

A sense of longing was not something he would ever have associated with, well, Malfoy. But so much had happened, and those taunts now had a comforting, almost homely, quality to them. And anyway, he knew deep down that Malfoy had always annoyingly hit the nail on the head when it came to understanding Harry’s insecurities, although he would never have acknowledged it as a teenager, of course. But now was different. He was no longer a child and he would be damned if he couldn’t admit it to himself, alone in his bathroom.

“You’re right, Malfoy,” he said slowly, staring to his broken reflection. “Who the hell am I?”

The nightmare came into focus again, and although it seemed to be slipping away as quickly as it had reappeared, he clung desperately onto the panicked voice, the painful scream, the flicker of blond hair, the outstretched hand and those haunted grey eyes.

Malfoy had always managed to ignite a fire in him, even when his energy seemed wholly depleted – and even if that fire was anger and hate, it was better than the emptiness he now felt, so he held on to the memory with more purpose this time and let his emotions swirl up. To his surprise, however, he didn’t manage to feel the same heart-wrenching hatred he was so used to associating with the boy, and his dream gave way to a real memory this time. Of Harry on his knees, his face distorted by Hermione’s stinging hex, staring into those all-too-familiar grey eyes that looked just as terrified as he felt. He remembered the silent understanding that had travelled between them as Malfoy lied to his father and Bellatrix. The glimmer of certainty he had felt at the time hardened and settled in his middle.

Malfoy had known it was him. He must have.

The unexpected look of disgust the boy had given his father that day flashed before his eyes, and he felt a sudden and overwhelming spark of curiosity.

“Why did you do it?” he whispered.

And that was that: he had to know. He was going to see the bastard even if it was the last thing he did. A thrill of excitement flooded his body. There was finally something he wanted to do. He tried not to linger on the fact that that something had everything to do with his second worst enemy and instead focused on what to do about it.

First, he had to find out when Malfoy’s trial was. Something in the back of his mind told him he already knew, but however much he racked his tired brain, it kept eluding him. It seemed that his short-term memory had been an unfortunate casualty of the War, in addition to his sanity and already limited sense of self-worth.

He looked up at the old clock on the bathroom cupboard, feeling his shoulders tense. Shit, it was only three thirty, not a decent enough time to wake anyone up, let alone a friend. He would have to wait.

Filled with a sense of purpose he hadn’t felt in weeks, he descended the narrow staircase to the basement kitchen – there was no way he was going to sleep again tonight – and made a strong cup of tea whilst cursing himself for forgetting something as important as the War Trials and Malfoy’s testimony.

******

The wall he was leaning against was humid and the cold air penetrating, but it was much better than last time, at least. He smiled to himself, his breath forming a cloud in front of him. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been there, but he knew that time in this place made no sense anyway. The only indication of its passage was how long his toenails had grown since the last time he’d looked down at his bare feet. There was no apparent source of light in the room, but there was an ever-present ghostly glow, barely enough for him to see the long strands of his black hair, but sufficient to feel his way around and make out that there were no openings anywhere. No doors, no windows.

The only objects in the room were a bucket, which would be magically emptied when its repulsive contents started to overflow, and a bowl of soup and crust of bread, which would materialise on the floor in one of the corners of the room. Which corner, however, seemed to be decided entirely at random and he could not discern a pattern to the sporadic arrival of the disgusting yet life-sustaining pittance.

Sometimes, it was hard to know which way was up or down in this place, so he always sat in one of the corners to give himself as much grounding as possible. He had learned the hard way to avoid the centre of the room at all costs: if he spent too long there, he knew he would lose himself forever. The swirling and hissing of the sea wind through every small crack in the walls, floor and ceiling only added to the very intentional sense of disorientation. Everything was made to make its inhabitant feel utterly powerless. Yet, his smile broadened.

Home, but not home. Lost. Alone. Where to go? The One must hide. Must hide. In the walls. Yes, the One knows how to hide. Others will come to find the One. Wait. Patience. But the One is hungry, so very hungry …

******

Harry had been pacing his living room for the best part of four hours when he felt confident enough to fire-call The Burrow. He knew Molly would be up already, busying herself in the kitchen, and he couldn’t wait any longer. As expected, she was putting breakfast on the table when his head popped into the fireplace, and she jumped.

“Sorry, Molly,” he mumbled as she waved her wand to repair the broken plate. “I should have owled …”

He regretted his words immediately when her face turned from surprise to disappointment. “Oh, Harry, what do you mean, you should have owled? This is your home too, you know?” She crouched in front of the fireplace and gave him the most motherly look only Molly Weasley could muster. “I don’t understand why you don’t just stay with us, dear. Why would you want to live on your own in that horri—”

“Is Hermione around?” he asked before she could launch into her now-customary tirade about his living arrangements, which always managed to put him in an even fouler mood than usual.

If she was offended by the interruption, she didn’t show it. “Yes dear, I believe she’s in the bathroom. Would you like me to tell her you called?”

He breathed out in relief, grateful she hadn’t invited him for breakfast this time.

“Yes, please. Thanks. It’s … er … quite urgent. Nothing bad, though,” he added quickly when her eyes widened to the size of two small saucepans.

He should have realised that, to other wizards and witches, “urgent” meant something very different coming from Harry Potter, namely that the end of the world was looming. He bit his tongue, trying to contain his irritation and managed an uncomfortable smile. “Speak soon, then,” he said, before disappearing without waiting for a reply.

Cold guilt seeped through him as soon as he pulled out of his fireplace.

“Why the hell is it so difficult?” he burst out to the empty room, kicking the foot of the coffee table in frustration.

He stared at a patch of burnt wallpaper, waiting for an answer. When it stubbornly stared back at him, refusing to help, he let himself fall onto the old, smelly sofa, his eyes drifting around the room. It was just as dusty, dark and uninviting as it had been when the place had been the Headquarters of the Order, when Lupin and Sirius … His thoughts stopped abruptly there as he felt his throat tighten with the strain of containing a sob. So, for lack of anything better to do, he closed his eyes.

He must have drifted off into a dreamless sleep, because he was suddenly awoken by the sound of someone cursing and kicking their way out of his fireplace, rubbing the top of a bright red mop of hair.

“Why is it so bloody low?” groaned a familiar voice.

“Ron? What are you doing here? I asked for …” He felt suddenly awkward.

“Er, yeah … right. Hermione thought this would be a good opportunity for us to, you know … speak. You don’t have to, though.” He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck uneasily. “It’s a girl thing, they think you have to talk about everything to know you’re still friends and stuff.” He chuckled but it didn’t quite make his eyes. “I know you’ll talk when you’re ready, mate. I just didn’t want Hermione to think I wasn’t trying hard enough … You know what I mean, right?” he added with a look begging for understanding.

Harry knew exactly what he meant. Since the start of his new relationship with Hermione, Ron had become both more and less confident in equal measure, which should have meant that nothing had changed, but that wasn’t how it had worked out. He seemed to have gained confidence in certain areas and lost it entirely in others. From Ron’s uncomfortable shifting from one large foot to the other, apparently Harry had become one of the latter.

“That’s okay …” Harry managed. Although, if he was honest with himself, he didn’t really want to discuss what was on his mind with Ron right now. That was exactly why he’d asked for Hermione in the first place. Unfortunately, there was no calling one without the other these days, as she spent most of her time at The Burrow.

And now, Ron was standing in his living room, eying the sofa longingly; he was not an early riser by any stretch and was fighting a wide yawn. He glanced nervously at Harry, and, after a second’s deliberation, sat down. He seemed relaxed, but Harry noticed that he had sat as far away from him as possible, a small reminder of the unspoken awkwardness that now floated between them. He wasn’t sure when or what had started it, but their friendship, which used to be as simple as breathing, had slowly become a frustrating maze.

Just as Harry’s insides started to smoulder like embers, a flash of green light appeared in the fireplace and a groggy-looking Hermione walked out, putting a shaky hand on the mantelpiece.

“I will never get used to travelling by Floo,” she croaked, with more vehemence than she could physically manage.

Ron jumped as though on fire and gently led her to the sofa.

“Thanks,” she said, gazing up at him with so much love Harry felt he had to look away, but couldn’t quite bring himself to, in some sort of masochistic way. And there it was again, brewing in him … That dark cloud of anger and emptiness he’d become so familiar with.

He had to say something, anything, to distract himself. He couldn’t be that person who wouldn’t be happy for his best friends, for the people without whom he wouldn’t have survived … but, as loneliness clung to him like a leech, all he managed was an awkward smile and a cough.

Using what could only be referred to as a sixth sense, Hermione turned a worried look in his direction.

“Er, Ron, love, could you make us tea please?” she asked, flashing a smile at her oblivious boyfriend.

Only too happy to be doing something useful for her, Ron nodded and left for the kitchen with an air of pride and determination that forced an affectionate smile out of Harry despite his dark thoughts.

Hermione quickly closed the distance between them, looking miserable. “I’m so sorry Harry. He’s been so keen to see you … and I couldn’t face telling him you’d asked to speak to me first …”

“It’s okay … I understand.”

“So … why did you call me?” she asked, her over-eagerness palpable.

He supposed it had been a while since he had contacted them. Looking at her genuine, caring face, he almost wanted to lie, tell her that all he wanted was to spend time with his best friend, but he knew she wouldn’t believe him, not after everything… He settled on the truth and, in any event, he couldn’t hold the question any longer.

“I, er … When’sMalfoy’strial?” he blurted out all at once.

Given the shock now written on her face, it was clear she had had several theories about his reason for calling, and Draco Malfoy’s trial date had not been one of them. “Er, on the first of June I think.”

Harry suppressed a smile at her awkward recovery before the weight of realisation fell into his stomach like a cold stone. “That’s … only two days away, isn’t it?”

He remembered now. Kingsley had told him about it, a week or so after the end of the War, but he hadn’t given it much thought then, not with everything else going on. And a month had seemed like a lifetime away – what with having died and been resurrected all in the space of an hour. Still, how had he lost track of time like this?

Hermione was frowning when he looked up after what must have been a suspicious amount of time.

“Why do you ask?” she queried cautiously. “I thought that after what happened last time, you’d want to avoid the Ministry at all costs …”

He shrugged, trying to keep his voice casual and hide the undeniable thrill of excitement combined with cold dread he was now feeling. “Just curious.”

He must have done a poor job of it because she looked less than convinced, but her next question, if there was to be one, went unasked when a beaming Ron came barging into the room with a tray of steaming cups of tea and biscuits.

They sat in silence for the next ten minutes, Ron lying on the rug and playing with the worn-out tassels, trying to avoid Harry’s eyes. Although they were used to silence – you didn’t go through life and death together without it – it was not the comfortable type they had once enjoyed, and they all knew it. There was an uneasy quality to it that made Harry shift in his seat and Hermione fidget with her jumper, until Ron couldn’t take it anymore and awkwardly rose to his feet, looked around the room and said something about promising a game of Quidditch to Ginny and George.

“You know how he is now … I need to keep my promises, however small …”

Although Harry knew all too well it wasn’t the only reason Ron wanted to leave barely after arriving, he understood completely. There was no need to remind him of the gaping hole Fred had left behind, or of Ginny’s broken heart, both of which were because of him.

And there it was again. That cloud of cold, seeping anger. Why was Ron not screaming at him?

“’Course, Ron.” He forced a smile. “Give them my … erm … best.”

Somehow love didn’t seem like the appropriate word to use right now, at least as far as Ginny was concerned. His friend returned the smile with what looked like relief and turned his gaze to Hermione, who was still staring at Harry, clutching her empty cup.

“You go first. I don’t play Quidditch anyway,” she said in a tone that didn’t leave room for negotiation.

From Ron’s pained expression, it was clear he wanted nothing more than to negotiate, but years of knowing her had taught him it was a lost cause, so he merely sighed and placed his own half-empty cup on the tray. He turned around, waving an awkward hand at Harry and throwing a casual “see you soon mate” in the mix, and then vanished into the fireplace.

Harry stared at the vacant spot Ron had occupied a few seconds ago, his shoulders tense, and waited for whatever Hermione had to say, but what came next was not the torrent of questions he had expected.

“You’re thinking of going, aren’t you? To testify, I mean … You know you don’t owe him anything, right?”

He could feel her eyes boring into him and he knew her well enough to know that it was taking every ounce of her self-restraint to wait for his answer, but when Hermione was determined, there was no stopping her. If he didn’t say something, they would be there for hours, and he had other things to do now that he knew Malfoy’s trial was only two days away. Plus, he could feel the cloud of anger gathering dangerously in his chest at her tone and didn’t want one of his outbursts to rear its ugly head – then she would definitely think he was mental, and that was not what he needed. What he needed was to speak to Kingsley, now.

He looked up at her, unblinking and hoping with everything he had that he would be convincing enough to end the discussion. “He didn’t rat us out when he could’ve. It’s only fair I return the favour by telling the truth, don’t you think?” Although his reply had come out a bit harsher than he had intended, she seemed to have been ready for worse and, to Harry’s disappointment pressed on.

“Is it really just that? Because you know what you’ll be putting yourself through by going there … What if it happens again? And” – she hesitated, not meeting his eyes – “it's only Malfoy …”

The tight lid he had been keeping on himself went flying in an instant.

“Just stop, Hermione, please. I know you’re trying to help but it’s not helping. I know what I can and can’t handle, okay?” He struggled to keep his voice even. “I died and still managed to come back to life, so I’m pretty sure I can handle a few ministry officials, The Daily Prophet and a former Death Eater, thank you very much! And YES, I AM SURE”, he bellowed at her dubious expression, “DESPITE WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME! I WON’T LOSE IT!”

That, he thought, had definitely come out harsher than he had intended, particularly as he was now standing with his hands balled up in fists, plainly demonstrating her point, but he didn’t care anymore. He didn’t want to act like he wasn’t angry and he trusted Hermione to be strong enough to take it.

“I know you can make decisions for yourself, Harry, and I understand why you’re angry with them, but I’m your friend. And I know you … I …erm … I know.” She overemphasised the word in a tone that reminded him instantly of how she had sounded when teaching Ron to levitate a feather in what now felt like another life. “I know why you really want to do this, and honestly, I’m worried about you!”

“Well, you don’t need to be!” he replied, instinct taking over. “And what the hell do you mean by ‘I know why you really want to do this’? Oh yeah,” he added, sarcasm quivering in his voice, “the famous ‘Harry Potter Hero Complex.’ They should really coin the term and add it to the Magical Dictionary of Unwanted Afflictions of the Mind, don’t you think?”

He was starting to shout again, part of him aware that he was taking it too far, that he was being unfair, but he was just pleased with himself for not having punched the sofa already.

“I didn’t mean that, Harry ... Forget I said anything. I just thought—”

“Well, you thought wrong!” He cut off with more confidence than he felt.

Part of him was curious about what exactly Hermione had thought she knew. He wasn’t entirely sure he knew why attending the Trials was suddenly so important he had had to fire-call his friend at the crack of dawn on a Saturday morning, with no preamble despite not having so much as said “hi” to her for the past two weeks. His pride would not let him back down now, though, and he had succeeded in pushing her into silence, so he was not prepared to lose the advantage.

Apparently resigned that she wouldn’t get anything else out of him, and perhaps a little scared he would start yelling at her again, Hermione left shortly after, giving him one last half-frustrated, half-apologetic look, as if she could not quite make up her mind which emotion would win.

He ran a shaky hand through his hair, the dark walls closing in around him.

“Two days,” he whispered to the empty room.

*****

Today was not a good day, not that any day was particularly good here, but this one was definitely one of the worst ones so far. He had woken up with a dead arm and had tried to move it back into life, when he realised that two of the fingers of his left hand had frozen stiff overnight. He kicked the empty bowl across the floor. It bounced against the opposite corner, spinning for a few moments until it slowly settled on the floor. To his frustration, there was barely any sound, no satisfying clatter – just a dull thud, muffled by the hissing of the constant wind. There was something different today, though: the air was even colder than usual. He looked up towards the dark ceiling and squinted. There was no use, however; he knew it. The ceiling looked just as foggy as the rest of this box. He took in a deep breath and closed his eyes, running a hand through his greasy black hair.

Now, where was I? he thought. Oh yes … half an adder’s tongue, one portion of Galanthus Nivalis, two inches of Boomslang skin (fresh), four drops of unicorn blood, stir clockwise with a wooden spoon on high heat until the contents dissipate into a dark blue liquid, add three live beetles and an ounce of powdered sage, stir ag—

He stopped and his eyes flew open as he felt a presence in the room. He knew that wasn’t possible though, and yet …

“Who’s there?” he said out loud, not recognising his own voice. His throat hurt from being used suddenly after so long. No one answered.

Maybe I am starting to lose it? he thought, as his eyes darted around the empty grey box.

Finally. Tasty food. The One’s favourite food. Desire. Must be prudent. The One cannot be found … Just a taste maybe? The Others will not know.

END OF CHAPTER 1 :)

If you liked it - Read Part 1 of Allegiance in full on AO3 ;) Part 2 is ready and I'll start posting in a few days! Hope you enjoy! https://archiveofourown.org/works/33585556/chapters/83455573

3 notes · View notes

mimichan2018 · 3 years

Text

2021.09.09

Complete fics posted on AO3 this day

1. at the end of his tether by @annie–odair [M, 4k]

►There’s a worn page folded in an inner pocket of Harry’s robes with a single underlined paragraph. […] Harry has carried it for nearly two years.

2. something useful to do with sadness by @hunkitup [M, 12k]

►Draco knows he only has his past and his name. He’s trying to forget both, but that’s hard to do when the past won’t leave him alone and says his name like that. // Or Draco fumbles with forgiveness, trauma, and Harry Potter.

3. The Unfortunate Complications of Being an Animagus by monika672 [E, 31k]

►After the war Harry Potter discovers the unfortunate consequences of being an animagus one day in the Forbidden Forest. What he hoped would be a quite year, is quickly turned upside down when he meets another wolf and things get ever so slightly out of hand. […]

—

Fest/Exchange

1. Come as You Are by Anonymous [E, 3k]

►If asked, Harry Potter would categorize his high school senior year as normal: football, friends, and one devastating crush on his tutor, Draco Malfoy. When presented with an opportunity to help Draco, Harry rises to the occasion. Unfortunately, so does his dick. […] ★ Quidditch Fest 2021 | @quidditchfest

102 notes · View notes