mimispeakout

[mimispeakout]

For a moment I ask that you imagine you're a child. Your first 9 years old your life you've known a lot of pain and abuse at the hands of people you should be able to trust. Imagine CPS taking you from the people who have hurt you, and telling you that everything is going to be okay. Now imagine being put in foster care where these abusers hide in plain sight. You spend most of your nights lying awake praying it doesnt happen again. Praying someone can help you and stop it. Imagine for a moment being able to see what others don't. Knowing what these people are like behind closed doors, knowing how they present themself to the people whos job it is to protect you. Imagine hearing the sound of suspicion and thinking someone is finally going to help you... and hearing the excuses your abusers make and how well they convincingly explain innocent reasons for red flag behaviors. Now imagine growing up and still having acess to that ability. You don't realize until it happens to you the dangers that are truly around us. You turn on the news and you find yourself shocked that something like this could go on under peoples noses. You ask yourself how people didnt see the signs. How the signs were ignored. You don't think this could happen in your life but fact of the matter is. It probably is happening around you. In your own family, schools, neighborhoods, daycare. Its a scary thought to carry and it seems to be too much for most to handle so people choose to be oblivious and only take precations after the abuse has happened. And even then... the damage has been done. What does it matter now? Its grossly under reported as this tends to be a taboo topic in many peoples lives. Nobody wants to have to make the hard decisions to call their loved ones out for something so unthinkable. Nobody wants the embarrassment or judgement from those around them. Nobody wants to be accused of lying.. Nobody wants to stand before a judge and say the thoughts on their mind or turn their lives upside down..but heres the world we live in. You see the signs, you take precautions to prevent it. Youre hyper-vigilant. You don't see them youre oblivious, or worse...compliant for not knowing and stopping it. Not protecting your child. It's not an easy decision to be the whistle blower in these cases. Its terrifying. What comes of it if you suspect it and youre wrong? So many questions to ask... but in these moments we don't have a lot of time to respond. You either sit back and hope youre wrong, or you do what you need to to find out the truth. Which can ultimately turn everybodys world upside down. It's sad to believe most people don't posess the ability to see obvious signs and indicators and children grow up suffering. I've made the mistake in having more faith in the justice and family court systems than they deserve. I have watched as my life and family have been torn apart with the words" Best interest of the child" attatched. As a parent you know what is best for your own child. The courts see every child as one. Every case is cookie cutter decisions being made based on knowledge and experience of past experiences from their own eyes. So what makes me so different for doing it myself? What makes a mother coming to the courts asking for an order of protection against her ex crazy... what is so crazy about asking for full custody pending investigation for wanting to know either way if the man she trusted to bring children into the world with and raise with her could have done every mothers worst fear? Questions I ask daily and have not yet received answers to.

[mimispeakout]

Trigger Warning (Child abuse and grooming)

This will be my first post on this platform. Im not entirely sure how to go about it as I have never really used it seriously. I just know I have a lot to say and find myself in a world surrounded by people who couldnt possibly understand me and I cant bring myself to believe there is nobody in the world who could understand. I wonder how many people believe the same. Heres a little introduction to me. I'm a 29 year old mother of two. who recently left a bad relationship that spread out years longer than it should. I'm in the process of a very uphill custody battle that seems to be doing more damage than good. I feel very alone in the world and it only progresses more and more as I'm judged by people who have no comprehension of life as I see it or experience it. There's been a lot going on in my life as of late, but one of the most shocking things i've found recently, is how knowing the signs of sexual abuse and taking neccesary precuations to prevent it from happening before i happens presents to the court as "Mental instability" I'm accused of seeing it everywhere due to my own childhood trauma. Im seen as broken, traumatized and hypervigilint. I was diagosed with Complex Post Traumatic stress disorder, ADD, Major Depression, and Anxiety. I have a lot of triggers from a life time of trauma. I grew up wondering how people couldnt see the signs or silent cries for help...why I went my entire childhood being sexually abused by multple men.. and nobody ever knew. I always felt i was underprotected and i promised myself my kids would never have to know what that felt like. I have been vigilant and have kept my eyes open and have always protected from obvious signs. I find myself in shock knowing how this appears to the court system and people who are supposed to protect children. How they seem to see it as damage done. Rather than open eyes. Let me start by listing some signs of sexual abuse in children Bed wetting Nightmares Keeping secrets Not talking as much as usual, Not wanting to be left alone with certain people or being afraid to be away from primary caregivers, especially if this is a new behavior Sexual behavior that is inappropriate for the child’s age. (Acting out) Spending an unusual ammount of time alone. Change in eating habits Change in mood or personality, such as increased aggression Decrease in confidence or self-image Excessive worry or fearfulness Increase in unexplained health problems such as stomach aches and headaches Loss or decrease in interest in school, activities, and friends Nightmares or fear of being alone at night

Self-harming behaviors These are all factual red flags in a child that could indicate they are being or have been abused. Many peoples first reaction to many of these signs are to down play them, make excuses, jump to the most logical explaination, or blatantly ignore it. Of course obody wants to believe this could happen to their children, but i have seen from the eyes of a child just how common it is, how normalized it is and how abusers covered this abuse. I've seen people suspect it and deny it and i've felt the gut wrenching turning of the stomach when strange men would exibit famiiar behaviors towards me that have only ever lead to dark places. I could feel their intentions and I couldnt protect myself. In some way I've been trained to be able to identify these people and have found it extremely difficult to trust. Historically in my life, I haven't often been wrong about people who still give me this stomach turning feeling that something is wrong. I tend to be catious of people who alert this reaction in me and have found more often than not, these people have skeletons in their closets. My reasoning for posting this is that I'm surrounded by people who not only don't know these signs, but call me mentally unstable for believing whole heartedly that I have identified predetors that others don't believe to be so. Im constantly gaslit, and talked down on, disregarded and ignored. If there is anybody else out there that knows how this feels i'd ike to be the first to say "Youre not crazy for caring. " I am a fairly open book and have a lot of thoughts on mental health awareness, sexual abuse awareness, grooming awareness and other indicaters of abusers. And whether I have followers or not, I wish to share my thoughts on these sunjects on hopes of sparking healthy discussion on the suject matters.