mindbloc - Tumblr blog

[mindbloc]

I’ve just got the notification that my mindbloc turned 6 years old today. What the hell?! It’s crazy to read about my fears of finishing school and going into Uni, now that I’m actually in Uni.

To my past me:

You got into the uni of your dreams. You’ve made amazing friends! You’re still single tho :P

To my future me:

Please tell me if I’ll pass all my exams and Uni life gets better? Right now my panic attacks are at an all time high and that’s just shit.

Maybe I’ll write a little more on here again. It’s always good to get stuff of off your chest.

[mindbloc]

Depression

Honestly i feel like people think depression only means the urge to kill yourself. But you know what, no it doesn’t. It also means not wanting to get out of bed, not feeling motivated to study, eat, clean, do anything at all.

And right now, I feel like absolute shit. I had to euthanize my last baby today and I feel like ripping what’s left of my heart right out of my chest.

I totally understand that people are able to die from heartbreak. Right now I want to just take something and smash it on the ground. I feel so fucking angry. Angry and heartbroken.

I really really miss my all my animals, but today just felt like such a punch to my face.

It’s just all a little bit too much.

Peace out, heartbroken depressed bitch

[mindbloc]

Devastated (Death II)

I’m so fucking angry at the univers right now. The univers, god, whoever is in charge of taking our loved ones. I don’t get it. Why now, why her, why why why.

Right now I can’t imagine not crying or not feeling like my heart might stop beating any second.

[mindbloc]

Endgame

I just remembered my absolute devastation after infinity war and thought that I haven’t said anything about endgame yet.

I loved it. But seriously, Tony. Iron Man. The one and only. I really loved what they did, but still.

The good thing, the girl sitting next to me in the cinema was sobbing so loud that you couldn’t here me crying xP

I didn’t like the scene where all the women were coming together though. It seemed kinda forced. Like, oh dang it we forgot to show that we’re pro feminism, what shall we do.

Anyway, great movie. But what do you expect from marvel ;)

(Let’s forget about Thor Ragnarok, which was a total bust)

[mindbloc]

Girlsnight

I was out dancing last night and holy hell, why the f*** don’t guys get when a girl says no. They try to dance with you, touch you, try to get you away from your girls. And when you say no thanks they either try again and again (so freaking persistent) or they start cussing you out! What the hell.

Don’t get angry just because you don’t like hearing no!

No I don’t want to dance with you. No I don’t want a drink. No I don’t want to give you my number.

Fun girls night out turns to how to get rid of this guy.

Thanks a lot. Really.

Puh had to get that of my chest :-)

[mindbloc]

Death

I never really know how to react when somebody dies. My first thought is always it’s a joke, it has to be a joke.

Cameron Boyce died and I felt like vomiting when I red it. I can’t grasp the thought of a person just vanishing. One second they’re here and another they’re gone.

The thing is I don’t know him, he’s a complete stranger to me. But I can’t get over the fact that he’s gone.

I don’t know where I’m going with this post, I just know that I had to try and write these thoughts down, so that I can let go.

[mindbloc]

Procrastinating

I don’t know why, but lately I’ve been in this kind of state where i want to do stuff but also I don’t. I don’t know how to describe it.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll find the right words...

[mindbloc]

Infinity War

I’ve recently watched Infinity War, and I actually have no idea what to say. I really hope that the next one completely changes everything, because if not then this on will just not exist in my mind.

I mean how could they...

Spoilers ahead ->

My babies, Bucky and Loki...

[mindbloc]

Gives You Hell

I had my last day of school on the 9th a few weeks back. So to all the teachers out there: “Truth be told I miss you, And truth be told I’m lying.”

[mindbloc]

Future II

If I start my training as a 19 year old, I will be finished with 22. After that, I would study for 11 semesters (5 ½ years). I would be finished with 27/28. Then I would work my way up, so that I can open my own business. Let’s say I’m around 33 now. How the hell am I supposed to have kids and start a family? Honestly, thinking about my future just makes me want to curl up into a ball and cry.

[mindbloc]

Future

Trying to figure out: What to study. Where to study. How I will finance my studies. How I will finance my living situation. Food, car, clothes, electricity, water, bills,…

[mindbloc]

Exams

Even though it might seem much and you might feel like drowning in all of the stuff that you need to learn, it passes. And if you wrote your last word and handed in the papers, it will feel amazing. Stress and anxiety were my best friends in this time, but I know that I can get through it. And I did!

[mindbloc]

Things people said to me that kinda hurt

Why did you cut you hair, now you look like a boy -wrong! Cutting your hair really short does not make you less feminine. You looked better with long hair -wrong! You are beautiful no matter what.