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Gonna say something a little controversial here, but the edits/takes that Yoongi's character is abusive in a gay relationship with Jungkook's character don't sit right with me. If you're as chronically deep in the HYYH story as I am, you know from the Notes that Yoongi's thoughts (note that I am always referring to the characters from here on out) don't fit with abuser mentality and he actually attempts to isolate himself as much as possible to avoid hurting people- especially Jungkook- because it's his deepest fear.

If you have only seen the videos, reading them as being an explicit romantic relationship is possible (as in we're only seeing parts of their story, but we don't have any solid proof because they never state outright that they're dating/use romantic endearments/kiss etc), but the much stronger argument is for homosexual/homoromantic subtext. Korea still isn't super gay friendly and it certainly wasn't in 2015. I fully believe the gay subtext for that relationship was PUT THERE by the original creators of those music videos, but Hybe/bighit was too afraid to openly canonize a gay relationship, let alone with the faces of their biggest band which has no out members, they slightly backed off in later additions.

All this to say, the subtext for gay feelings is there, but I don't think we're taking it far enough. What if it's not just subtext for us, the viewers to surmise, what if it's subtext for them, the characters?

If we reinterpret their story to be about two young men who either don't know or are just coming to grips with the fact that they are in love with another man in a homophobic society, Yoongi's actions start to make a lot more sense, don't they?

Yoongi's mom committed suicide when he was young and blamed him for the ruination of his life, but he was closer to her. He is extremely distant and deeply uncomfortable around his father. He paints getting kicked out after getting expelled as an inevitability. Jungkook's dad left him, and now he's got a stepfather that doesn't give him the time of day except to occasionally criticize him, and he and Jungkook's mom only care about his stepbrother. In short, both have some pretty serious daddy issues that would already put them on the fringes of society as far as growing up male. They don't have a father figure to raise and shepherd them through adolescence. Yoongi's very strict, cold, masculine father also screams closet gay experience to me.

So you have two boys with a lot of guilt and inner turmoil to begin with, then they meet each other and are devastated to find a kindred soul for the first time. Especially Yoongi. Because Yoongi wasn't prepared for this. He's already given up on life. He was prepared to just coast through high school unattached and even after he makes friends with the bts boys, he keeps a huge distance from the rest emotionally. He never lets his feelings show, only takes care of them in subtle ways, and no one knows anything about him- Jin doesn't even realize this til a good ways into Save Me. Yoongi is the most suicidal by a mile. Jin can't figure out how to save him because while the others have bad days where they get hurt or hurt themselves, Yoongi can and will kill himself any time anywhere. He's not having a bad day, he's having a bad life. And they're all suffering long term, but a major part of the story is Jin realizing that something happened to Yoongi long ago that broke him, something he can't rewind and fix. The only way to save him is by giving him a reason to care, something to do. But how can he do that if Yoongi never let anyone in?

That's when he realizes it has to be Jungkook. Because Jungkook forced his way in. Jungkook adores Yoongi, and that's exactly what scares him. Yoongi is terrified of Jungkook's love. There is no other word for it. That's why he gets drunk and lashes out. He lashes out at all of them, but he tries to avoid or push Jungkook away the most because he knows Jungkook loves him- how can he not? When the boy follows him everywhere and looks at him with those wide adoring eyes and smiles that sweet little smile and is obsessively drawn to pianos just to chase the high of hearing Yoongi play again. Hell, when Yoongi finds him two years after getting expelled, Jungkook's still playing Yoongi's song from memory. He knows.

But he feels responsible for every bad thing that happens to Jungkook. And he's already too far gone in his misery to keep himself afloat, much less save Jungkook from following in his footsteps. So he just keeps trying to flee and extricate himself from Jungkook's embrace. They fight. But they can't fight like lovers, because they technically aren't. So they fight like friends, which feels wrong. Too intimate.

Then there's the motel scene.

They fight, Yoongi leaves with Jungkook's shirt-or maybe it's one that they shared- Yoongi strokes the empty pillow beside him in a bed for two mournfully. And then he kills himself. The Notes takes it farther and confirms this was all about Jungkook, about his guilt for lashing out. He doesn't call anyone for attention. He doesn't drag Jungkook back in by asking for help or apologizing while he threatens to do it. He just thinks, 'I am the problem. I'm rotten to the core. I have to save him from me.'

Subtext. No break up, but they were in love. They both knew it, but they were both scared. Many gay people I know had toxic 'friendships' before they came out. That's what I think Yoongi's violence was. Not an abuser who does what he wants and thinks it's justified and he should get away with it, but a terrified closeted boy with the lifelong ingrained message that he destroys everything he touches. Too scared to even speak the words of what's 'wrong' with him, let alone act on them, taint somebody else's life. Korean society- and I'm sorry to be the one to report this if you weren't aware- but it speaks of homosexuality as a disease invented and brought in from the west. And that's exactly how hyyh yoongi behaves- like he's a poison. A virus. A necrotic plague destroying all in its wake. A leper that must be quarantined.

I love you. I'm terrified. I'll ruin you. I'm broken in more ways than one.

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youth is never coming back

cr: stxrkth (tiktok)

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1/? favorite music video | Run by BTS (2015)

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10 years

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I would sell my soul to live through hyyh era.

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I kinda wanna see a Marauders fic inspired by The Most Beautiful Moment in Life

Basically it's the story in BTS' old and some new music videos

The plot is like

Jin, is in a time loop trying to save the 6 members from dying but in each lifetime there is one member that dies because of an inevitable problem that wouldn't have happened if the other problem wasn't avoided. Basically, it's a time loop of 6 members surviving (including Jin), leaving 1 dead in each timeline he tries to save them all.

The back story for each member according to the webtoons and music videos are

Namjoon - Is poor and struggles to pay his parents' medical bill, works 2-3 jobs so the others look up to him

Taehyung - The one that looked up to Namjoon the most, he and his sister were left with his abusive father, and he ended up killing his dad without the others knowing because they didn't know his story.

Hoseok - His mother left him at a carnival, he lived in an orphanage for years, claims he had narcolepsy but was then revealed in an MV that he had Munchausen

Jimin - When he was a child he tried to save another from being kidnapped, developed trauma himself, and started getting seizures

Yoongi - He has loved music his entire life but when he was 15 his house lit on fire with his mother still inside and he wasn't close to his father

Jungkook - Grew up with his abusive step family, considers the members his family, he's closest to Yoongi, and finds comfort in listening to him play the piano

The pairings based on the obviousness in the MV's are

Jungkook & Yoongi

Hoseok & Jimin

Taehyung & Namjoon

But I think there was one timeline where it was

Jin & Namjoon

I wanna make this my summer project but I need to review the whole break 💔 I still have to figure out which characters are which though

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begins youth is absolutely everything younger me could have wished for. its scratching the hyyh itch so well that its leaving me elated. sure, some things are different. sure, bighit messed with the release logistics. honestly? i cant care.

jin is here and he's carrying the pressure of the adult world and his found family. joon's here and he's throwing a protective arm over tae's shoulders like they aren't tired from 16 hours of work. jimin's dealing with demons that are straight out of psychological horror movies and his empty eyes when he smiles might be the biggest offender. hobi with his absolutely insanely human condition about the things he did to get love and attention and that conversation about tools for survival. tae who is the most hyyh of them all, balancing that knife's edge of innocent childishness and genetic violence, standing like he isn't a ticking time bomb.

jungkook, the youngest, who found a family and latched on too hard. who everyone worries will be corrupted, who has never quite fit in right, who smiles as he says words that belong to experiences much older than him. yoongi who has never been just the angst, the emotionless bastard. who has always shed that for his friends, thinking nothing of high falsettos and ridiculous cheers for their smiles. who silently protects and is loyal to the end. who is afraid of letting it be known, so that they can't expect him to stay, be someone worth staying for, because he wasn't enough for her and he'll never be enough for them. the roof of a building and the flickering of a flame.

agh. its so good. i feel so vindicated. this mattered to me, and whoever worked on this, it mattered to them too. the actors clearly studied and respected their roles, the characterisation stays true to them despite the source material being so easy to retcon. there's so much care and authenticity to what hyyh was back then. its still here, we never moved on, and they haven't either. thank god. i never said goodbye.