missionoffruition

[missionoffruition]

Things keep on clicking.

We call those little epiphanies 👏🏼

[missionoffruition]

But Let It Be Said:

It is safe to say that you are a moron if any truth were to slap you across the face and you treated it as noise.

if you really want things in life to play out differently than they have, then you must stop seeking confirmation of your hidden biases and treating new opportunities as noise. I said what I said. Most people are too prideful/fearful to understand they even have hidden biases.

[missionoffruition]

Rug = Pulled

I didn’t say nothing to be cruel. I was waiting for you.

[missionoffruition]

Clarity Is A Double-Edged Sword

When you realize you’ve been someone’s placeholder, there’s a little bit of a sting. But eventually, wounds heal, the venom is extracted, and you’re back on your feet with more understanding and clarity than ever.

I’ve kept people as placeholders myself. Not proud to admit that, and looking at why I did that makes me feel silly. Because, again, in taking accountability for shameful things, there’s clarity. A fog lifted - Forgiving yourself for causing someone else confusion and grief.

Longing for the past is something we all deal with, whether it’s missing a version of ourselves, a period in time where life felt like it couldn’t get better, or because of somebody we allowed ourselves to connect with that we’re no longer connected to.

And here’s the thing: the truth leaks out of us whether we’re aware of it or not.

You have to be willing to look at yourself, even the shameful parts. That’s where change and growth take root.

I’m sorry for hurting those that I did, and I forgive those that wronged me.

Acceptance is a good place to live.

[missionoffruition]

Bingo.

Or is it a puzzle, that I just solved?

Either way. I love when things “click”.

Click 💡

[missionoffruition]

Peace = Power

Life doesn’t give us peace by eliminating pressure. It gives us peace when we no longer fear the presence of pressure.

Things I’ve learned:

Avoidance hides. Boundaries honor. Avoidance fears. Boundaries feel and still choose. Avoidance doesn’t heal what you’re scared to sit with - it just delays the lesson and repeats the pattern in another face, another place, another season.

If all you’re doing is avoiding pain, discomfort, or growth, then you’re not protecting your peace - you’re postponing your power.

[missionoffruition]

Cognitive dissonance is a real bitch.

[missionoffruition]

People die, so we drink wine.

[missionoffruition]

How to be brave

I know how you feel. And I’m trying to show you how to do it. To bridge the gap sometimes, even when it’s uncomfortable. Even when you flinch.

I know the truth is we’re both afraid to be wrong about each other.

We’re both afraid that reaching out will only confirm the worst story we’ve told ourselves — that we were always alone in it. But we’re not. Fear is talking a loud game, and I don’t want it to win.

When you reach, I no longer flinch - I make space and allow you in.

But when I go to reach, you’ve vanished behind careful words, almosts, and long gaps, hoping I’ll still be standing here after you’ve gotten far enough away, to home base - your safe place.

I’ve been here all along. Patient. Inviting. Brave. And it’s okay if you can’t stay. But I think you can. I want you to stay. I know that means meeting yourself in places you haven’t visited in a while. Ask me how I know. I hope you do. I’d even hold your hand through it. I think I already am. And I think you’re more than deserving.

And at the very least, I have you to thank for mirroring back all the things in myself that I’m healing.

[missionoffruition]

My New Clothing Line?

When you come unraveled, that is an opportunity for re-weaving your threads.

That’s all I’ve got for now.

[missionoffruition]

Decisions

We all make them. But more often than not, we make decisions that aren’t even ours to make.

I’ve noticed people making decisions that should have been mine pretty much since the beginning.

Most of them are subtle and unspoken. The perfect example:

Someone tells me they let me down. And I’ll tell you what’s happening here.

They didn’t actually let me down. They let themselves down in front of me and had nowhere to put those feelings. They never learned how. So they mistook it for failure, shame, disappointment upon them.

I held up a mirror that they weren’t ready to look into. I didn’t mean to - I was just being me. Open. Present. Supportive.

When people don’t know how to regulate and process their emotional wellbeing, and then they’re hit with these extreme emotions, it’s fucking chaos inside of them. And of course, as a human, we can only tolerate so much of that. The body’s response system kicks in, and the “self-teaching” to repress begins. The healthy counterpart to this is “expression” of those emotions.

It takes great courage and strength to do that. Repressing is really the easy way out (that also prolongs problems and often creates a great deal more, but that’s another story). If you were an athlete and had a physical injury, would you ignore it until you absolutely could not?

Emotions aren’t weak. i think the weak man flipped the script and then sold it as snake oil to his friends, “Real men don’t cry. Suck it up. Don’t be a pussy. Grow a pair. Take it like a man. You throw like a girl. I’m the man of the house. Real men provide. Nice guys finish last.” I feel for these guys. Fuck. And here’s the truth: real men are the nice guys, they’re not threatened by shit like this, and don’t feel like they need to prove anything to anyone. That is true alpha energy.

You don’t need to dominate anything to rise. You can do it better through growth, alignment, service, collaboration and building. The real power is in authenticity. Imagine if we collectively harnessed it.

[missionoffruition]

Made For The Sea

There’s loneliness that feels like “I’m by myself” and then there’s “I’m here, full of feeling, and no one is here to hold it with me.”

Sitting in my own truth. It stings. It aches. But I haven’t abandoned who I am. I’ve gotten to know her pretty well, actually.

I wish shallow waters didn’t bore me. i wish surface-level convo didn’t drain me.

I can’t turn against my own depth just because others haven’t learned to swim.

What’s most painful is having the ones I care about meet me in this depth, only to scurry away as quickly as they entered. It makes the silence of sitting alone again with myself so loud. The water here is too honest, too revealing, too alive. Most won’t sit with it for long.

[missionoffruition]

Bridging the Gap

You can only walk so far when the ground keeps moving beneath you. At some point, the only bridge left to build is the one back to yourself.

[missionoffruition]

She’s In There

“If I’m soft enough, patient enough, forgiving enough, maybe this time someone will wrap me up in love without me having to beg for it. - The Little Me That Still Lives Inside

Something I have learned in earning my own security - others who are secure understand, and they run to meet you halfway — without hesitation.

Something else I’ve learned: It’s easy to build an outlook, where you’re looking externally (outside yourself) to meet your needs. That inner child, though? The one who was denied and deprived of love, can be met by today-years-old me. I can give her the things she was looking for but didn’t know she needed from back then. I can TELL her why she did the things she did, I can TELL her she is loved and appreciated (it’s wild that this is deep internal work).

And that’s why today, I don’t do anyone’s heavy emotional lifting but my own. Sometimes helping others to see their own path through hard times is to stand still, as you are, anchored, strong in your very sense of self, so hopefully, they can see, and make note, so that self-anchoring and self-validation gets planted by them, too.

I’ll meet anyone who can communicate that they want to meet me, too.

[missionoffruition]

Knock knock

Doors are invitations. Walls are impenetrable.

You either want to let people in, or you don’t. Don’t expect them to bring a hammer.

[missionoffruition]

Rebellion + Intrusion

When someone gives you the tools needed to unpack the way you handle things, I highly recommend you learn how to use them.

Mental coaching has been great. It’s given me so much clarity - something I’ve learned that I personally need.

I’ll share something else I’ve learned recently. I’m fairly intelligent (according to tests, not just my opinion) so this made sense when I connected the dots. My level of emotional intelligence (EQ) is through the roof. My IQ isn’t as high, but it’s decent. Often times, I’m able to map people very quickly. I move through emotions and process them quickly, whereas the majority of people process their emotions (if at all) more slowly.

But. I move in real time, often late. My therapist offered up a reason, being that I do this pretty subconsciously, so as to balance my internal scales. We called it my “little” rebellion, to help ground me in space. I almost always know what’s going on with people, myself included. Sometimes it’s pretty lonely being here, because I’ve also learned to keep a lot of my observations to myself. Other people can find you intrusive, even when that’s far from intention, mostly because they aren’t yet ready to deal with things. A lot of the time, things aren’t mine to name. It leaves me sitting with a lot. I believe in the hippie realm, people call this an “empath,” but I don’t really like that term. In the magical realm, people call it “telepathic.” I don’t really prefer that either.

I just prefer the term “awake.” I really see people. And sometimes just doing that (being myself) makes people uncomfortable. Sometimes, they don’t want to be seen. It would require them to admit their realities. It would mean they’ve been seen outside of performance mode, or outside of the way they’ve carefully constructed themselves to appear. And I feel for them. Because those people are limiting their own potential beyond belief. Out of fear, usually. Try telling someone that without saying anything at all, and see if they’re still sitting next to you.

[missionoffruition]

Liminal

You can be in two places at once, figuratively speaking. If you’re there or have been there, you know it’s an extremely conflicting place to be. Eventually, everyone has to make a choice. Which path do I take? I feel like that’s the only question in this scenario. And it’s a constant one. Isn’t it better to know you’re on the path already? Then you spare yourself from having to ask, because you just know. You have to trust yourself, especially in uncertain times where you can’t necessarily see the end of the road.

This is one of those flipside thingies, where you think you’re in control - you think you’re guiding everything in the direction you want things to go, until…you can’t, because it won’t go anymore, or it won’t work or make sense.

Not everything is controllable. It’s quite the opposite. The real power? That’s in relinquishing the need to control the outcome every single time. Things will start to come towards you, which is waaaaaaay more powerful than any form of control I’ve ever seen. Trust always wins.

There’s a rule of succession to the powers that be. It’s really, really simple once you see it/feel it.

The laws of the universe are unfuckwithable. Look into the law of correspondence. Look into the law of oneness. You cannot make this shit up. But you can definitely become attuned to it, and reap the benefits you want to.