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[misslovable]

People want to say that my aunt did good things for me but she would only do good things so she could take them away. For example with Mia, (my dog) whenever she would get mad at me she would tell me that I was going to come home from school and she was going to have gotten rid of Mia because she knows how much I loved her.

And there was a girl who was my best friend in elementary school and her name was Selena, her and I were super f****** close. I was super close to her mom too and Cristina (my aunt) saw that so she told me I wasn't allowed to hang out with her anymore, but she made it look like she was being a good person saying that she didn't think Selena was a good friend even though I knew it was b******* she just didn't want me to have anything in my life that made me happy.

She kept bugging me to get a job in HS and then every time I got one she would sabotage me so that I couldn't keep it or try to get me to quit within the first month. But she would try to make it seem like she was looking out for me. & She did so much more! Telling me I should kill myself, telling me I'm unlovable, and beating me.... But hey! Our home was "beautiful, with no signs of abuse or neglect" or "At least she fed you and there was a roof over your head" WELL....

The end game:

What she really wanted was for me to sign over my rights to her. She wanted me to make her my power of attorney when I turned 18 so she could have control over all of my finances and all of my life decisions as well as she wanted me to lie and say that I was disabled and unable to take care of myself or keep a job. We were going to lawyers and signing paperwork and I ran away right before finishing the paperwork at 18 years old because I did not want to give her my life because I knew I would not have one if I stayed with her. Now she haunts my f****** dreams every f****** night even though I left 10 years ago.

[misslovable]

So my husband and I took my daughter (4 years old) to get evaluated for ABA therapy yesterday. We have NEVER left her with a stranger as she has level 3 autism, is non verbal, and still in pull ups.

I grew up in an abusive home and have Complex PTSD. So when they took my daughter to a different room with a stranger and asked me to sit so they can ask me questions, I started to have a panic attack. I could feel the panic set in my chest, the tears flooding my eyes, and I started to lose control of my breathing.

They offered to let us sit in the room she's in and I was finally able to calm down. I couldn't see her from where we sat but I could still hear her.

Anyway, I can't help but feel so disappointed in myself for my reaction. I left my abuser 9 years ago! But everything I went through my entire childhood still has a choke hold on my brain. I feel like I should have been able to hold my shit together instead of sobbing. & Now I feel like I'm going to be judged for being a helicopter mom. On top of that I never wanted my trauma to affect her life...

[misslovable]

I'm just a girl trying to spread awareness that not all illnesses are always visible. Everyone is fighting a battle you dont know about. Here is where I can safely tell my story 💜