#complex ptsd

[sprinkleofquirk]

I’m so tired of being honest about my pain level and having no one believe me because I don’t show pain the way they expect

[defiantcripple]

Okay, breaking out of the crippleposting to do a Mental Illness Post rq:

On top of depression and anxiety, I have BPD, CPTSD, OSDD-1b, and Bipolar II. I experience delusions, psychosis, and severe dissociation. I am a *severely* mentally ill person. Because of all of this, I require several mood stabilizers and an antipsychotic to keep myself grounded to reality, let alone functional.

I swear to GOD, if one more person with depression looks at me and says some shit like "yeah, I'm sure medication would help me, I just don't want to be dependent on it." I'm going to fucking scream. The sheer ableism in y'all's attitudes towards people who can't just opt out of medication and who ARE dependent on it is fucking crazy. The way they hit the word "dependent" in that sentence always holds so much judgment and distain, like they don't even consider that some of us don't have the luxury of choice. Being dependent on medication has literally no moral weight, and for me it's that or dead. So.

***and before someone goes off on me, this is NOT about people who can't afford medication or who medication doesn't work for, and I am not saying that depression can't be debilitating. I am only referring to exactly the situation I described, so don't try and gotcha me***

[starfishinthedistance]

I talk to many people who say things like "oh I have trauma but I don't have PTSD", but then when I talk to them a little more I realize that they most likely do, they just can't recognize it as such due to how lacking PTSD awareness is, even beyond the whole "it's not just a veteran's disorder" thing.

The main reason they think they don't have PTSD usually has to do with flashbacks and nightmares, either they have one but not the other or have neither. But here's the thing, those are only two symptoms out of the 23-odd recognized symptoms. Flashbacks and nightmares are two of the five symptoms under Criterion B (Intrusion), which you only need one of for a diagnosis. The other three symptoms are unwanted upsetting memories, emotional distress after being reminded of trauma and physical reactivity after being reminded of trauma (i.e. shaking, sweating, heart racing, feeling sick, nauseous or faint, etc). Therefore you can have both flashbacks and nightmares, one but not the other, or neither and still have PTSD.

In fact, a lot of the reasons people give me for why they don't think they have PTSD are literally a part of the diagnostic criteria.

"Oh, I can barely remember most parts of my trauma anyway." Criterion D (Negative Alterations in Cognition and Mood) includes inability to recall key features of the trauma.

"Oh but I don't get upset about my trauma that often because I avoid thinking of it or being around things that remind me of it most of the time." Criterion C (Avoidance) includes avoiding trauma-related thoughts or feelings and avoiding trauma-related external reminders, and you literally cannot get diagnosed if you don't have at least one of those two symptoms.

"Oh I just have trouble getting to sleep or staying asleep, but I don't have nightmares." Criterion E (Alterations in Arousal and Reactivity) includes difficulting sleeping outside of nightmares.

"But I didn't have many/any trauma symptoms until a long time after the trauma happened." There's literally an entire specification for that.

Really it just shows how despite being one of the most well-known mental illnesses, people really don't know much about PTSD. If you have trauma, I ask you to at least look at the criteria before you decide you don't have PTSD. Hell, even if you don't have trauma, look at the criteria anyway because there are so many symptoms in there that just are not talked about.

PTSD awareness is not just about flashbacks and nightmares.

[lostmf]

[recoverr]

you're not a monster. you're you. you're flawed, yes, but you're also incredibly alive. just human. real. capable of great things, capable of change and growth, too. don't define yourself by the inner critic lashing out at you. you're not your worst moments.

[futureless]

i be in my own head fighting for my life

[bipolarmango]

Wild things I have learnt in therapy:

When a child cries, parents are supposed to comfort them, not punish them

Parents are, in fact, supposed to want to spend time with their children

Children too have a right to privacy, meaning parents are not allowed to read their diaries etc and then punish them for the thoughts they found about

Children are allowed to be upset and cry

Children don't have to earn the love and attention from their parents by performing various things

Children are not supposed to be scared of going home and/or their parents

Children are not supposed to be physically abused and even a little bit of hitting is actually physical abuse

Parents are not supposed to expect that children are mentally as mature as other adults

Children are not supposed to be told that they're an accident, a burden, or something the parents regret

Children are not supposed to be scared and ashamed of themselves or feel like failures because of their parents

[c-0-yote-teeth]

[love-me-love-my-weirdness]

Shout out to the people who never had a safe place. Who didn’t have a before trauma. Who were loved but not protected. Who were collateral damage in someone else’s breakdown. Who got fucked up so young that they’ll never know who they could have been.

Shout out to people who’ve never felt safe. I hope you do someday.

[cccat-in-a-meat-sack]

me, with both:...

[youwillleaveme]

i cant stand it anymore i don’t want this brain i dont want this life i want to live but not like this not with those constant feelings and thoughts and self destructive behaviors and all of that i cant do it anymore i cant

[pink-devolve]

If you’re a domestic violence survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.

If you’re an SA survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.

If you’re a CSA survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.

If you’re an ECSA survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.

If you’re a child abuse survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.

If you’re a neglect survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.

If you’re a war survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.

If you’re a natural disaster survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.

If you’re a gun violence survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.

If you’re a cult survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.

If you’re an organized abuse survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.

If you’re a torture survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.

If you’re a TTI survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.

If you’re a physical abuse survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.

If you’re a mental abuse survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.

If you’re a survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.

[thegothvampire]

Experiences I have related to DID that I forget are literally because I have DID

- Feeling like my identity / sense of self is fluid & ever changing

- Being absolute ass at a specific thing and then being good at it later

- Thoughts / inside voices being fuzzy , distant , like a distant conversation

- Having fluctuating feelings toward friends/families/my partner

- Getting suddenly dizzy and finding it hard to move

- Realizing I’m not wearing what I originally put on

- Feeling zero emotions or feeling every possible emotion amplified 100x

- A lot more that I can’t remember right now, also because of DID

Me after realizing everything I do and feel is related to having this dissociative disorder 😦😦😦😦😦

[rainywhispersblog]

[lostmf]

[recoverr]

i hope it hurts a little less. day by day. week by week. i hope the ache in your chest eases. maybe it won't entirely, maybe it will. may the thought of feeling joy again alone be enough to keep you going, even if for a while.