missmarysnack - Tumblr blog

[missmarysnack]

I remember when I first was challenged by a therapist to define the word “consent” and “sexual assault” and “rape” and she gave me therapy homework to really think on them and write my own definitions. 

At first I tried to find the legal definition, but the thing was it was different from state to state. The definition to prosecute perpetrators was different than the definition to collect statistics. Definitions had been changed/updated within the last few years. They were extremely variable and prone to changing. 

Then I started to read the book Redefining Rape: Sexual Violence in the Era of Suffrage and Segregation, by Estelle B. Freedman. This book traced the United States history of definitions of rape and sexual violence, and how often they changed, and how those changes were influenced primarily by power structures. So much about how rape has been (and is) defined legally is to enforce systemic misogyny against black, indigenous, and poor women. Early definitions didn’t acknowledge that non-white and/or married women even had a legal right to refuse consent in the first place, and therefore their violation did not fit the definition of rape in their era, despite that being exactly what was happening to them. 

When I read Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman, she summarized this concept with a line I have underlined in my copy: “Women quickly learn that rape is a crime only in theory; in practice the standard for what constitutes rape is set not at the level of women’s experience of violation but just above the level of coercion acceptable to men.” 

In Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft, he has a section on violence in abusive relationships. He speaks at length about how abusers rarely define violence as including their own behavior, and instead always move the line so that it’s a step further than he’s personally gone. 

He states that: “To steer clear of these distortions, we need to wrestle the definition of violence out of the hands of abusers and implement a proper one of our own.” 

And I realized that sexual violence functions in the same way. There are so many distortions in our culture that only abstract hypotheticals are– across the board– considered rape. But real life women in actual violating situations? No matter how violent, no matter how much evidence of refusal of consent, there will always be apologists who don’t believe it counts. They will shift the definition so that no violation is ever truly rape. 

I had originally set out in my research to learn what the ‘official’ definition of rape was so that I could compare my experiences against it and find external validation for my trauma. Instead I discovered that the official definition of rape is often created by rapists themselves, and is inherently dismissive of pervasive sexual trauma. Rape culture is, after all, systemic and material- not just a matter of interpersonal violence between individuals.

And so, months later, I finally had a definition of “consent” and “rape” for my therapist. Despite my research, it wasn’t found, it was created. And I created it deliberately to be set at the level of a victim’s experience of violation.

It was a worthwhile phase of therapy in that it allowed me to process the trauma I experienced, but it was also a worthwhile piece of activism.

I remember reading an article called “Cockblocking Rapists is a Moral Obligation” and there was a line that stated bluntly: “The thing is, rapists absolutely need one thing to operate. They need people to believe they are not rapists. Stranger rapists do that by trying to hide that they are the person who committed the rape. Acquaintance rapists do that by picking targets who won’t say anything about what happened, or by using tactics that, if the survivor does speak up, people will decide don’t really count as rape.”

The definition of rape, and how we allow it to be defined, is absolutely a conflict between perpetrator and victim. And, as Judith Herman says, “It is morally impossible to be neutral in this conflict.” 

Reclaiming the definition of rape is essential to supporting survivors and ending rape culture. 

[missmarysnack]

the gorilla could have died and been done with in like a week but none of you know how to be normal

[missmarysnack]

“attention readers: no homo”

[missmarysnack]

It’s a pity they didn’t cast Ryan Reynolds as Jay Gatsby, since he’s both the green lantern and deadpool…

[missmarysnack]

Retro Game Room Version 2 I needed to patch the walls and paint, so I thought I might as well change it all up.

23 different consoles and handhelds, about 450 old games. Framemeister xrgb-mini upscaler so it doesn’t look bad on a new tv, handmade custom MAME cabinet, and a fuzzy chair and fuzzy carpet :)

A lot of work, and a lifetime of collecting!

[missmarysnack]

If you’re gonna commit suicide, you might aswell run into area 51

[missmarysnack]

undefined

modern art

[missmarysnack]

Some Ginny x Luna for HP Rare Fest on LJ! Link to full view

[missmarysnack]

BETTER THAN WORDS

[missmarysnack]

Me: wow I’m so gay Me: how can someone be this gay Me: girls are so hot Me: I’m very fucking gay Me: the gayest of all Me: girls girls girls Me: gay is my middle name Me: gay af Me: *is actually bisexual*

[missmarysnack]

10 Replies So Savage, They Should Be Released Back Into the Wild

[missmarysnack]

The amount someone loves you is directly proportional to how much they will fight to keep you in their life and how hard they will try for you. Never believe a soul that tells you otherwise.

Nikita Gill (via meanwhilepoetry)

[missmarysnack]

*points to bedroom* This is where we frick frack.

*points to kitchen* This is where we snick snack.

*points to living room* This is where we kick back.

*points to bathroom* This is where we shit shat.

[missmarysnack]

hogwarts houses as latin phrases

gryffindor: aut viam inveniam aut faciam (i will either find a way or make one)

slytherin: pedes in terra ad sidera visus (feet on the ground, eyes on the sky)

ravenclaw: timendi causa nescire est (ignorance is the cause of fear)

hufflepuff: ex nihilo nihil fit (nothing comes from nothing)

[missmarysnack]

Morning After Pill for HIV

I think that people forget that condoms protect you from more than just pregnancy.

And there is no morning after pill for HIV.

[missmarysnack]

I kind of wish disney’s ~weird period~ had lasted longer. Like all of a sudden we were getting these films like lilo & stitch and Atlantis and the emperor’s new groove and treasure planet and they were so fun and DIFFERENT. Just thinking about what the pitches for those movies had to have been like is so surreal?? A little blue criminal alien crash lands on a Hawaiian island and gets adopted by two sisters dealing with social services that teach him about the value of family. An Inca emperor gets turned into a llama and john goodman helps him get back to his palace and one of the bad guys talks to squirrels. Treasure island but in SPACE. Like, on the surface, the premise for these films seem so random but they all TOTALLY WORKED IN REALLY GREAT WAYS??? idk I just really miss that early 2000s spark of offbeat creativity in Disney’s timeline.

[missmarysnack]

Interviewer: What is your greatest achievement to date?

Me: The orgasm.