miusmusings

[miusmusings]

[miusmusings]

i have chronic pain. i am neurodivergent. i understand - deeply - the allure of a "quick fix" like AI. i also just grew up in a different time. we have been warned about this.

15 entire years ago i heard about this. in my forensics class in high school, we watched a documentary about how AI-based "crime solving" software was inevitably biased against people of color.

my teacher stressed that AI is like a book: when someone writes it, some part of the author will remain within the result. the internet existed but not as loudly at that point - we didn't know that AI would be able to teach itself off already-biased Reddit threads. i googled it: yes, this bias is still happening. yes, it's just as bad if not worse.

i can't actually stop you. if you wanna use ChatGPT to slide through your classes, that's on you. it's your money and it's your time. you will spend none of it thinking, you will learn nothing, and, in college, you will piss away hundreds of thousands of dollars. you will stand at the podium having done nothing, accomplished nothing. a cold and bitter pyrrhic victory.

i'm not even sure students actually read the essays or summaries or emails they have ChatGPT pump out. i think it just flows over them and they use the first answer they get. my brother teaches engineering - he recently got fifty-three copies of almost-the-exact-same lab reports. no one had even changed the wording.

and yes: AI itself (as a concept and practice) isn't always evil. there's AI that can help detect cancer, for example. and yet: when i ask my students if they'd be okay with a doctor that learned from AI, many of them balk. it is one thing if they don't read their engineering textbook or if they don't write the critical-thinking essay. it's another when it starts to affect them. they know it's wrong for AI to broad-spectrum deny insurance claims, but they swear their use of AI is different.

there's a strange desire to sort of divorce real-world AI malpractice over "personal use". for example, is it moral to use AI to write your cover letters? cover letters are essentially only templates and besides, AI is going to be reading your job app, so isn't it kind of fair?

i recently found out that people use AI as a romantic or sexual partner. it seems like teenagers particularly enjoy this connection, and this is one of those "sticky" moments as a teacher. honestly - you can roast me for this - but if it was an actually-safe AI, i think teenagers exploring their sexuality with a fake partner is amazing. it prevents them from making permanent mistakes, it can teach them about their bodies and their desires, and it can help their confidence. but the problem is that it's not safe. there isn't a well-educated, sensitive AI specifically to help teens explore their hormones. it's just internet-fed cycle. who knows what they're learning. who knows what misinformation they're getting.

the most common pushback i get involves therapy. none of us have access to the therapist of our dreams - it's expensive, elusive, and involves an annoying amount of insurance claims. someone once asked me: are you going to be mad when AI saves someone's life?

therapists are not just trained on the book, they're trained on patient management and helping you see things you don't see yourself. part of it will involve discomfort. i don't know that AI is ever going to be able to analyze the words you feed it and answer with a mind towards the "whole person" writing those words. but also - if it keeps/kept you alive, i'm not a purist. i've done terrible things to myself when i was at rock bottom. in an emergency, we kind of forgive the seatbelt for leaving bruises. it's just that chat shouldn't be your only form of self-care and recovery.

and i worry that the influence chat has is expanding. more and more i see people use chat for the smallest, most easily-navigated situations. and i can't like, make you worry about that in your own life. i often think about how easy it was for social media to take over all my time - how i can't have a tiktok because i spend hours on it. i don't want that to happen with chat. i want to enjoy thinking. i want to enjoy writing. i want to be here. i've already really been struggling to put the phone down. this feels like another way to get you to pick the phone up.

the other day, i was frustrated by a book i was reading. it's far in the series and is about a character i resent. i googled if i had to read it, or if it was one of those "in between" books that don't actually affect the plot (you know, one of those ".5" books). someone said something that really stuck with me - theoretically you're reading this series for enjoyment, so while you don't actually have to read it, one would assume you want to read it.

i am watching a generation of people learn they don't have to read the thing in their hand. and it is kind of a strange sort of doom that comes over me: i read because it's genuinely fun. i learn because even though it's hard, it feels good. i try because it makes me happy to try. and i'm watching a generation of people all lay down and say: but i don't want to try.

[miusmusings]

I was born in the right generation because otherwise I wouldn’t be able to witness pitbabe

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I just want to know if we’re all on the same page in the fact that Kenta never uses his full strength with Kim so basically he’s allowing to be manhandled just to not hurt Kim even before he realized his feelings? - that’s all you honor

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Kiss so good he had to stand there and think about it after

“Damn.. I want him to do that again”-probably kentas gay ass

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This isnt even a BL anime what the fuck

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Goncharov dir. Martin Scorsese

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Charlie (Pit Babe), Hira (my beautiful man) and Haruto (love is a poison) sit at the same table

Yoh (my personnal weatherman) sit behind them (they would let him join)

Thada (reset) has a designated chair at the table but doesn't understand why

Time (4minutes) also had a designated chair and it piss him off bc he know why

Shao Fei (trapped) has a designated chair, know why yet still happily sit down with the others

Jang Jae Young (semantic error) and Charn (laws of attraction) stop by once in a blue moon to cause chaos and steal Hira french fries.....

On the other side of the room, at another table, Babe, Kiyoi, Armin and Great share a drink heavily judging their man while next to them Segasaki is live commenting as if he was presenting the weather forecast.....the rest are busy having a life

And by the door, Phi (the ex morning) is really tempted to join them....

Any other suggestions ?

[miusmusings]

In KimKenta's "what do you even see me as" scene, I think a more accurate translation of Kenta's reply would be "well what are you". In other words, he's not asking what he is to Kim, but what Kim thinks he is to Kenta.

Kenta does not use a pronoun, but simply repeats the bpen arai. Also, I doubt Kim would call Kenta an assistant, but he would certainly call himself one as he has been assisting Kenta all along.

So Kenta's effectively saying well what are you supposed to be to me then, you tell me, you're going to Korea soon but also being so fucking nice to me and taking care of me and being my partner and having my back so YOU TELL ME! And Kim does, of course, and adds I could be this too. If you'll let me. Will you let me?

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i'm rewatching the kimkenta scenes again and they are so touchy in that warehouse! kenta do you need to touch kim every time you take a step? i know you can't talk cuz you're being sneaky but 👀🔎

also kim looks so fucking sad watching kenta give himself up. im gonna go cry :(

[miusmusings]

Kim stopping Kenta from making dangerous choices, and Kenta listening to him

*not pictured, me, screaming into a pillow

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wrote five sentences today. they’re weird. i’m weird. the vibe is rancid. the power is unmatched.

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Ramil and Paytai desperately searching to control their lives in the one way they can and discovering BDSM in the bedroom and using it to as a way of rewriting the narrative of when and why Paytai is beaten and who punishes him and why he's punished and giving Ramil the chance to control how Paytai is hurt as an escape for all the times he couldn't because his father controls them outside of this safe place. Ramil offering the blindfold to Paytai only to pull if off, offering his wrists to be chained only to be freed... again and again. This is their illusion of control, of safety, a place where they are in control of all the things that they cannot touch outside... and then Ramil finally putting down the tool of pain, placing it to the side, choosing a different kind of control.

The use of kink and trauma to explore control and pain and fear and how Ramil keeps almost giving control to Paytai and then taking it back again and again and the way they're so comfortable together, so connected and in love and trusting despite what the world has done to them.

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How to move on from Kenta looking at Kim like this (after their kiss)

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maybe the reason sonic refuses to trust dean is because of that team dean slapped him

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every time i use an em dash i get 3% stronger

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Alright. The kiss.

I'm not going to say anything intelligent about it, but I need to talk about it because, in a way, it was so unexpected and yet it made so much sense.

Okay okay.

First of all.

I think we should all agree Kenta has been exceedingly patient, given his history. Pete isn't trying to control him the same way Tony was, obviously, but still, it must feel suffocating for Kenta. He's trying to do the right thing, he finally has the agency and the means to do the right thing like only he can, given the knowledge he has, and he keeps being stopped because Pete is too busy fucking Chris.

Which is why him being so impatient makes perfect sense, even with Kim, who's just trying to keep him safe and has, so far, always given into him - Kenta doesn't see a difference. How could he, when he has no idea someone like Kim could care for him?

And so we get to this.

you stay here and wait for pete. I think that just about sums it up for kenta. he's the only one who can stop tony and no one seems to feel the same urgency as him.

it's also so fucking interesting how they're not properly fighting. they're pushing each other, kim is (i think) doing a ton of blocking, but no one is attacking. That's just so emblematic of their relationship. Anyway

but the thing is, this time kenta's frustration meets kim's. kim has witnessed the danger kenta will put himself in without thinking one too many times. And kim fucking cares for kenta at this point.

And up to this point Kim hasn't stopped Kenta, not really. But he's getting fucking worried, and he knows he can't really stop Kenta.

Which is how we get to this.

Kim isn't selfish. He isn't selfless either, he's guided by morals - but he's not kissing Kenta out of selfishness.

Kim knows perfectly well it's too soon. He knows kissing Kenta won't make Kenta fall in love with him or some absurdity like that.

When Kenta gets up, this is how Kim looks at him.

He knows he might have just blown it, because he can't approach Kenta with that immensity of a feeling.

But that's not why he did it.

Kim kissed Kenta and told him could you care about how I feel too? Not just always Pete?

Kim saw that there is this bond between Kenta and Pete because Pete was one of two people who were ever anything to Kenta. And Kim knows he has no time to let Kenta understand that he wants to be something to Kenta too, he knows Kenta won't see it - so he kisses him and he forces him to see it.

I care about you too. Can you listen to me now? Can you see that I want you to be safe too?

Kim kisses Kenta because he hopes against all hope that Kenta will try to keep himself alive.

But in doing so, Kim knows he's doing too much too soon as far as his relationship with Kenta goes. He just put Kenta's survival above the relationship he wishes to have with him.

There are tears in Kim's eyes.

Because it didn't work. It was a desperate attempt that made him really fucking vulnerable. And it didn't work.