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New things

Okay, it’s been nearly two months since I moved into my new house. The garden’s all right (it will look nicer once it’s been done up in the spring), Harry has gotten used to the house and I enjoy not having to wait for the bathroom to become free. The open plan downstairs is quite nice. The only thing is that ... I’m barely there. We’ve had NO internet since we moved in and BT are shite at sorting this out for us, so I’m spending most of my time at my mum’s house. It’s nice in a way because I’ll go for walks with her, see films at the cinema and go shopping or just have a nice meal in and binge-watch TV shows. 

I’ve been doing my very best to find work and I’m either being rejected or not hearing back at all. It’s starting to get disheartening. I’m always getting freelance work though. I went on a course on how to use InDesign better and met a girl there, who invited me to her party in Leytonstone two weeks ago. I was terrified, it was one of my biggest fears coming true: going to a party in a place I didn’t know where I knew nobody there. But I went and had a surprisingly nice time. I need to find lots of nice new people to spend time with.

In the midst of all this madness of no internet and much freelance work, I managed to achieve something. I finished writing Distant Echoes (possibly to be retitled to Shades of Her). It took me five and a half years to write, the longest it’s taken me to write a book. I’m thrilled that I managed to finish it and in six months’ time, I can start reviewing it. In case you’ve forgotten what it’s about, it’s about a man who relives his major relationships in his life to understand why his wife is leaving him; it’s about first love, second chances, if exes can be friends, and who you would let back in your life. It feels like the end of an era, an end to the first five adult books I’ve written - Dear Adele; Waiting For Sunset (originally titled Love Through A Machine); Dancing Shadows (formerly Falling); The Companion and now Distant Echoes. I really feel I’ve achieved something and I’m so pleased about it. Now I have more book ideas that I can develop and continue to write.

I’m also very excited to be going to New York for my thirtieth birthday with John. We’ll be out there for a week and we’re staying in an AirBnB in Brooklyn. I really can’t wait to go, I haven’t been to America before. It’ll be a great way to begin my thirties, which I hope will be way better than my twenties.

While staying at Mum’s, we watched a film I’d flicked past on Netflix many times, unsure if I really wanted to watch it. I loved it, it was beautiful. It’s called Before We Go, about two people who meet in Grand Central Station in New York; a married woman is stranded in the city when she misses her train and a street musician teams up with her to help her get home before her husband does. I thought this was a really sweet, beautiful and haunting film with some good comic moments. Alice Eve and Chris Evans as Brooke and Nick have good chemistry, sharing a memorable evening/early morning together as they try to get Brooke back to Boston; the camerawork was nicely done so it offered lovely shots of New York (which made me even more excited to go there next month), the soundtrack was gentle and calm which suited the tone of the film - it was all really beautiful. Not only that, it felt relatable, about having choices and being at crossroads and choosing the right path, or the road you want to take. It felt relevant. Throughout the whole film, I was very aware of how my heart beat (fast) as I felt tense at times, and it seemed as though this film made me go through the entire spectrum of emotions, from awkward to tense to happy to sad. I really want to see it again, I really enjoyed it. If you liked Before Sunset, then you’ll like Before We Go too. 5/5

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Moving forwards

This is the last night in my house. I’m moving tomorrow, to a new house. I’m still living with my dad (and his woman, Faith, while her own house is being refurbished). This new house seems pretty great, it has everything Dad wants: good parking, an additional toilet room, decent sized bedrooms, a sizeable kitchen and a garden. The glace cherry on top of the cake is that both bedrooms come with an ensuite bathroom. Hurrah! No more waiting for the bathroom to become available!

I’ve been asked how I feel about the move, am I sad to be leaving the house. The truth is that I’m not sad. I’ve had plenty of good experiences in this house, as well as sad, painful, awkward, weird, funny and just plain mad. I’ve hosted fun parties with new friends - Posh Party, a hallowe’en party; I once had a functioning TV in my bedroom; I still have my lovely cat Harry; I’ve been sleeping in a double bed for about eight years now in a room below the roof (it has its perks and downsides); for over two years I’ve had a man to bring back home with me - John. I’ve had a good time here and I don’t feel at all sad about leaving here, and I think that’s okay. 

I was sad when I left my old house because I lived there for sixteen years, I grew up there, it was my family home until my mum moved out and my dad and I couldn’t stay there by ourselves in a five bedroom house. I remember the day we moved out so well. Nearly eight years ago, just five days short. I messaged my friends about going out and getting wasted, I helped pack up and clean up the house and load the car. When the house was empty, Dad and I stood together in the hallway and we hugged for a moment. It felt very sad, I was a bit tearful to leave this big, beautiful house I’d grown up in and loved. We drove to the new house (the one I’m about to leave), freshened up and went out to dinner with Dad’s friends who’d helped us move, to Il Ponte - before it became those American diners - where I discovered the very delicious and creamy panna cotta for the first time. I met my friends and we went clubbing at Reflex, and I got very, very drunk. I threw up in the girls’ toilets and attempted to go to sleep on the High Street on the way home because I was so tired. 

The weird thing is, I don’t feel excited about moving into the new house. Yes, I found it and persuaded Dad to make an offer on it and yes, I have an ensuite bathroom and it ticks all of Dad’s boxes, but I just don’t feel it... I think perhaps there’s a transition between childhood home and your first home away from home that’s not uni. I don’t think I was particularly excited about moving into my current house, probably because my mum used to live here so it was already a home. All this, I feel, is a transition. It’s the way I feel about this house. It’s not a place of significance. True, I found a job I loved and a man I love while I lived here and made a few good friends, but there’s nothing I’m really going to miss about it. Maybe except the garden. I liked the archway at the bottom of the garden and the bench directly outside the utility room which looked out at the rest of the garden. That was my special place, where I’d sit and enjoy the moment, calm down or just be. I’m going to make a point to sit in it one last time. 

This new house will bring significance to my life. It will be the first place I share with John before we move to our own, first home. I’ll get more independence that I’ve been longing for nearly eight years. Eight years feels like a long time but surprisingly, it seems like not much has passed by. I think good things will happen in the new house.

But for now, until I have to get up in the morning and start the process of moving out for the second time in less than ten years, I’m going to enjoy listening to some music (hygge playlist on Spotify), watching a little of Big Little Lies and doing some writing. I need some pleasure before I leave.

[mode-esther]

Book review: The Secret Keeper by Kate Morton

1961

On a summer’s day on her family farm in Suffolk, sixteen year old Laurel, hiding in her childhood treehouse, is dreaming of her future. But then she witnesses an horrific crime that will change her life.

2011

Fifty years later, Laurel is a well loved actress. Her mother is dying and she returns home to be with her family. Being home again brings back memories of that day in 1961, and Laurel finds herself unravelling the mystery of what happened that day and discovering her mother’s deepest secrets from wartime London.

I write this listening to my ‘oldies’ playlist on Spotify. Because what else can I listen to as I write about a story set in the middle of the twentieth century? The Secret Keeper, the third novel of Kate Morton’s I’ve read, shifts between the middle of the twentieth century (1930s-1960s) and the present day. The way Morton does this is really clever, how she inserts the various character perspectives, jumping from the past to the future and delivering her twists.

The story revolves around Dorothy, Vivien and Jimmy, three people whose lives entwine in wartime London, yet the ‘parts’ of the story belong to a female character: either Laurel, Dorothy/Dolly or Vivien. I found this really interesting considering that Jimmy, Dolly’s boyfriend, is a key player in the events that took place in 1941 - why wouldn’t he get a ‘part’ to himself? Additionally, Gerry’s role in the book, which is to assist Laurel in her quest to find out more about their mother’s past, is limited too, and there are only two scenes in which Laurel’s father has dialogue. I don’t think this is a feminist book but it definitely makes it clear this is a story about two women’s lives during the war, and Laurel’s discovery of it. 

Described as a story of mysteries, secrets, murder and enduring love, The Secret Keeper certainly lives up to it. One of the things that stood out to me - and is perhaps Morton’s intention - is that it seems rather film/theatre like. For instance, Laurel ‘wrapped herself within the character of dutiful daughter’ to be able to visit her ill mother and come to terms that Dorothy is dying, and when Laurel is being interviewed ‘the next line was easy to deliver’. Acting is clearly an important theme, as is secrecy and much like The Forgotten Garden and The House at Riverton, the sense of home and family is prominent, and of course, love, whether familial or romantic. I really enjoyed the romantic scenes, as I always do, and the rich historical background (in London); it felt authentic and real. And I’m not familiar with Australian territory as I haven’t yet been but it was described so well it felt exotic and beautiful. 

I liked all characters involved, except one or two, but to tell you who would probably ruin everything so I’ll leave out their name. Everyone else is likeable and leave you sympathetic to their plights, even if they have done bad things. To quote one of them, ‘good people do bad things in war.’ Laurel is clearly smart and a good person but I found her a bit bland as a sixty-something (her curiosity and courage are to be admired though) and Dorothy, although she seems to lose her mind in 1941, is to be pitied for the way things have turned out for her. Jimmy is just lovely and unfortunately caught in a bad situation and the elusive Vivien shines; I think I liked her most. 

The best things about The Secret Keeper include Morton’s writing, beautifully written with many emotional punches; the twists it takes (you won’t see them coming, promise); how much you want to keep reading the book to come to the heart of it all and eventually, the secrets close to Dorothy’s chest. In some ways, it’s very much like the other books of Morton’s I’ve read but it’s dissimilar in terms of era, location and just ... well, feeling. I found the pacing slow at the beginning but it really picks up in Dolly/Vivien’s ‘parts’.

The Secret Keeper was a delight to read, it was difficult to keep my hands off it at times. Like any Morton book, I fell in love with it. I only finished reading two hours ago and it’s still with me. I can’t wait to read The Distant Echoes. 4/5

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Cocktails and Dreams tag

Martini: means business! If you could have any job what would it be? Travel writer - I could visit the whole world! 

Mojito: time to let your hair down! What’s your idea of a great night out? A great night out for me involves friends, good food and drink, and good music.

Pina Colada: the famous drink or the famous karaoke song! What karaoke tune do you love to belt out? I’m not really a karaoke singer but it would probably be an embarrassing nineties tune!

Bloody Mary: the notorious hangover-curing drink. What’s your go-to hangover cure? A shower, a walk and food, but not necessarily in that order.

Manhattan: a true New York drink! Which city do you dream of visiting? So many! New York, Sydney, Dublin...The list is neverending.

Long Island Iced Tea: quite a mix of ingredients! What are your three favourite foods or drinks? Bubble tea, chocolate and pizza.

Cosmopolitan:  made famous by Sex and the City! Tag three friends to take part in this Cocktails and Dream tag! Tag yourself and everyone you know!

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The Rosie Effect, Sicily and Big Little Lies

Okay, a catch up is due here. I’ll start with Sicily and end with the reviews.

After a couple of weeks’ jury service in May/June, I headed off on a long weekend to Sicily. It’s beautiful there and the villa we stayed in was gorgeous: big, three bedroomed and had a terrace around the premises. The holiday was for my mum’s sixtieth birthday and John and I joined her, Jeremy, Lucy and her boyfriend Josh out there. It was really really hot in Sicily so it was lucky there was a beach a few minutes’ walk from the villa and a nearby bar. The beer was excellent (move over, Peroni) and the food always the best. I had a lot of fun out there: I enjoyed the beach; I tried Limoncello and swordfish for the first time and loved both; and I learnt how to play the card game 500 (which I was pretty good at). We went to Syracuse, where we walked around the town, popped into significant cathedrals and had lunch, and to Noto, again looking at a cathedral (John and I kind of gatecrashed a service!) and a rare portrait of Da Vinci and sampling the gelato and having some lunch. Sicily is worth going to; there’s much to do and see there - you just need longer than a weekend.

The Rosie Effect, sequel to The Rosie Project, was possibly better than the first (though I will always love the first book). Don and Rosie have been married ten months and are now living in New York, and when Rosie announces to Don she’s pregnant, he panics and gets himself into trouble in more ways than one, threatening his future with Rosie. What I love about this book is that it’s as consistent as the previous book, it’s hilarious, heartwarming and I think more romantic than its prequel. Don grows so much in this book: he’s presented with so many challenges (deportation, prosecution and dismissal from work, his capacity for fatherhood etc) and he overcomes each and every one in the hope he and Rosie can remain together. The Rosie Effect is far more problematic which makes the ending somewhat cathartic, worthwhile. Watching their marriage is fun, scary, tense and exciting. You don’t know what’s going to happen; it’s both unexpected and unpredictable. I couldn’t put the book down, it was magical, sparkling from the first page to the very last. I take my hat off to you, Graeme Simsion - you’ve created the most unforgettable characters. Now write another book about them, please. 5/5

Big Little Lies, the TV show based on Liane Moriaty’s novel of the same title, is so good I’m watching it twice. It centres around three women: confident, passionate Madeline (Reese Witherspoon), beautiful and quiet Celeste (Nicole Kidman) and young Jane (Shailene Woodley) harbouring a terrible secret. The first meeting between Jane - new to the community in Monterey (originally set in Australia in the book) - and Madeline triggers a chain of events, which leads to a killing at the school their young children attend. The show has been described as ‘about second husbands and second wives’ and ‘telling ourselves little lies to help us survive’. This is true insofar that a few characters are struggling to face exes and new wives, and that the show is deceptive - we see things but not as they are - we have to watch these women’s secrets and haunted pasts unravel themselves. It really is very intriguing, it makes you want to keep watching. So why I couldn’t I keep my eyes off it? Well, all three actresses give stunning performances, it’s set in a beautiful location, the soundtrack is lovely and suits the general tone of the show, you want to know who hurt Renata’s daughter Amabella and most of all, you want to know who was killed. Madeline and Celeste’s respective husbands, Ed (an impressively bearded Adam Scott) and Perry (Alexander Skarsgard) are equally fascinating to watch; their reactions to events are interesting. At times it’s romantic, sometimes funny, dark too and I was pleasantly surprised to find out Santiago Cabrera (aka The Musketeers’ Aramis) was part of the cast. Without spoiling anything, all I can say it that in the end, everything links up. An excellent watch! 5/5

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TV review: You Me Her

I read about You Me Her in the Guardian’s TV guide and thought it was an unusual but interesting show. So I watched it for over a month and I loved it. It’s sweet, dirty, messy, fun and passionate. And now I want to watch it all over again.

The premise is that married couple Jack and Emma are very much loved up but are in a bit of a rut sexually. Jack hires an escort/grad student (I don’t know what the equivalent of that is in the UK), Izzy, so he can have a bit of fun but bails, tells Emma what he did and she, angry but curious, seeks out Izzy so she can find out who Izzy is and why Jack likes her. She becomes interested in Izzy too and that’s when they begin a little menage a trois. They try to conduct their three-way as a business transaction and as things progress, it starts to become more complicated. There’s a lot of chop and change with this show: the characters pull back from each other sometimes, walk away but they always come back. It’s a classic love story but the message with this show is that you can love more than one person.

What makes this show so great is the chemistry between the three leads - they make an amazing team. They’re beautiful people, they’re honest, believable and they feel very real. They have the sort of problems real people have, which they address with a bluntness and show they are up to the challenges life brings. The sex scenes between them are so steamy they would make porn actors jealous. What the show also does brilliantly is its setting: it’s based in Portland, Oregon but - spoiler alert - is actually filmed in Canada; either way, the surroundings are beautiful and give it a cosy, hygge sort of feeling (watch it in lamplight), despite the fact the storyline is of a sexual nature. It’s also smart and very funny, and has the right sort of obstacles to help the plot along: blackmailing student Ava, Andy who wants a relationship with Izzy, and both Emma and Jack anticipating a promotion in their respective jobs, which could threaten their relationship with Izzy. What’s impressive is that the ten episodes span across ten days. The music too makes it brilliant, the theme song and the soundtrack, giving it the right feel for what it’s about. There are so many twists and turns you never know how it’ll end.

There’s a second series and I can’t wait to see that. The series one finale ended the way it should and paves the way for continuous development for the next. I would definitely recommend You Me Her to you and anyone else who likes a fresh take on the romantic comedy. It’s different, hot and affecting, and gives a new perspective on polyamorous relationships. Give it a try - at least one episode but I bet you’ll be just as hooked. 5/5

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Book review: The Rosie Project

There are so many words to describe The Rosie Project. Funny. Awkward. Sweet. Life changing. Affecting. Romantic. But above all, endearing. 

The Rosie Project is Don Tillman’s search for a female life partner. He’s an attractive, intelligent 39-year-old with undiagnosed autistic tendencies, who can’t understand why he’s never had a second date. So he begins the Wife Project by devising a scientific test - he will find a woman who will accept and love him. Enter bartender/Ph.D. student Rosie, a young woman who turns his life upside down - literally.

The book opens with what might go down in the literary world as an infamous first line: “I may have found a solution to the Wife Problem”. He starts his Wife Project with only friends Gene and his wife Claudia helping him by suggesting the “traditional dating paradigm” but he goes in another direction - creating a questionnaire to weed out unsuitable partners. So basically, the unpunctual, vegetarians, non smokers, drinkers, those with STDs and so on. Larger than life Rosie fails on almost every score, leading Don to disqualify her as a potential partner but when she explains her mission to identify her biological father, Don becomes involved in her search as he is a genetics professor with the means of sampling DNA results, which pushes them into a friendly relationship. What starts out as a quest to discover Rosie’s biological father turns into new projects and new tests and the one that leads him to where he’s meant to be. There’s a clear chemistry between Don and Rosie and Simsion brilliantly bats the ball between them in true romantic comedy style - will they, won’t they? 

The things I loved best about this were Simsion’s writing, which makes you want to read and read and read - he will immerse you in Don’s self-focused life, make you want him to change, to find love. At every step, you’ll feel affection for him, even through awkward - but very funny - social blunders. There was also location, which is never really absolutely revealed. I thought it was London at first, until it became clear it’s set in Australia. This sense of location seems unimportant because we’re focused on Don’s own little world but in some ways it is important, because it’s where he travels to that gives him a sense of purpose, as well as adding a touch of romance. And of course, Rosie and Don too - their imperfections make them feel very real, and their best qualities endearing. Don’s uniqueness makes him unforgettable he’s a character that the book world will immortalise. It was very funny, relatable, heartwarming and one of the most relevant books of our age about how love finds you, not the other way around and that social differences don’t matter.

The Rosie Project is being adapted for the big screen and I would love to see that. I’m curious who will play Don and Rosie. Until then, I thoroughly recommend the book to everyone. Whoever you are, you will love these two people all the way to the end. I did. Completely un-put-downable. 4.5/5

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Film review: Beauty and the Beast

Of course I watched Beauty and the Beast last weekend. It’s a classic. And a much loved Disney film. You don’t need the trailer to pull you in. But I did. I had reservations about Emma Watson’s Belle and it took the trailer to convince me to watch the film. I think it was Ariana Grande and John Legend’s rendition of ‘Tale as Old as Time’ that really persuaded me, as it made the trailer even more appealing.

I needn’t tell you the summary of Beauty and the Beast - you know it. A cruel, selfish prince refuses entrance to a hag who turns out to be a beautiful enchantress, and she curses him and his castle until true love finds him. Simple. It’s much the same story in any adaptation you see, from a 1946 version to the teen film Beastly.

Let’s just jump ahead to my thoughts on the film. It’s clearly a well considered update on the original 1991 animation feature and has made extremely good use of modern cinema for a live action remake *cough digitisation cough*. A couple of reviews have suggested this version holds feminist ideals but one could also argue that Belle is ahead of her time, given she has a new occupation as an inventor, and a female one at that. Yet it is still very representative of the Regency era, with all its romanticism and fears that women were getting ahead of themselves, which was unhelped by the booming publishing industry. Gaston’s dreams of Belle becoming his wife supports this ... oh wait, I’m getting a bit analytical on this film (but I’ll end the sentence in layman’s terms. Gaston holds the ideal that a woman’s place is in the home). It’s also interesting that each character has even more depth to them: LeFou gay for Gaston, Maurice (Kevin Kline) still pining for his dead wife, Belle as an inventor, the Beast taking after his cruel father, Lumiere in a relationship with feather duster Plumette, and, if possible, an even meaner Gaston.

Okay, highlights. I liked the costumes and designs - beautiful and thoughtfully crafted. The camerawork was well done and the settings were lovely. There were occasional comic moments. The acting, for the most part, was brilliant, due to the casting of Ewan McGregor, Luke Evans and Josh Gad (all three of whom were factors for watching the film) as Lumiere, Gaston and LeFou, as well as Emma Thompson and Ian McKellen as Mrs Potts and Cogsworth. What really, really shone out the most was the music, it was absolutely perfect from the beginning (though I felt Watson’s singing voice wasn’t strong enough) up until the end. There were new songs that were sweet on the ear but the originals were the best, in particular ‘Gaston’, ‘Be Our Guest’ and as always, ‘Tale as Old as Time’. Gad, Evans and McGregor nailed the first two brilliantly; the last two are fantastic singers.

Gushing over, I must now direct your attention to the film’s flaws. The unsubtle use of CGI (so obvious, darling), the casting of Emma Watson as Belle (a good choice as she does have the looks for Belle but ultimately I feel her acting skills aren’t quite up to par to the actors she worked with), the fact that Belle is an inventor yet she hardly does any ‘inventing’ before she goes to the Beast’s castle. The idea of LeFou being gay when the so-called ‘exclusively gay moment’ wasn’t even gay at all - it’s such a fleeting scene the directors should’ve abandoned the idea of homosexuality altogether, if not the ‘gay scene’ itself. The lip syncing, especially in the ‘Gaston’ song was obvious and didn’t look good. Emma Thompson’s accent was too overdone. And I’m aware that this is a family film so the script would be suitable for young children but honestly, I felt that in some areas the script was weak. The dance scene between Belle and the Beast did give me goosebumps but it didn’t have the same sort of enthusiasm as the original.

Hate is a strong word. I didn’t hate the film, I was merely dissatisfied with most of it. The rest of it was fine. (Memo to self: don’t obsessively watch over-glamourised trailers.) It is definitely worth watching - all remakes of classic fairy tales should be seen. You may find, as with book adaptations, that the original is always better! 2.5/5

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Valentine’s Day 2017

I really don’t have much to report today. I’ve been busy with freelancing - but I’ve really whittled down my pile as I only have one more manuscript to edit from a huge list I’ve accumulated since December. I even gave myself a celebratory treat of coming so far with a little TV and a couple of scones with jam. Lovely! I’ve been swimming too. Those are the extent of my activities today until I do some writing (obviously a romance) or watch a romcom.

As far as Valentine’s Day itself has gone, it’s been an OK day. I’ve progressed with things, I’ve given myself a little ‘self-love’. I’ve done this by doing my Valentine’s Day tradition of buying something flowery - I got a rose plant this year, and I’ve made myself look good with a little makeup and nail polish. I’m also going to buy myself a little something. I’ve wanted this elephant teapot for a while so I think I’ll get that. I found in the post a Valentine’s card from John that said: I LOVE YOU, VALENTINE and told me what ‘I love you’ is translated into German, French and Spanish, with monkeys to show it, ie dancing monkeys for Spain, beret wearing monkeys for France and monkeys drinking from large Steiner glasses for Germany. It was very cute. I also had a package from Bravissimo, yay!

I haven’t been able to see John today but we’ll have our Valentine’s date at the weekend. We’re doing it low key this year, we’ll see a film and we’ve already exchanged sweet gifts. Literally. John gave me a box of Guylian chocolates (I do love them!) and I gave him homemade raspberry compote and a jar of entirely strawberry flavoured sweets. That was fun to create.

I think when alone on Valentine’s Day (which I am until John Facetimes me) it’s nice to focus on yourself. Be kind to yourself, be kind to others (I’ve refrained from annoying or making fun of my dad today); do something that will make you happy - whether it’s listening to music, having an extra piece of something sweet, going to a spa etc. It’s good to be happy by yourself. 

At this point, it almost doesn’t matter that I haven’t seen John today because I’ll see him at the weekend and we can have a date then. That’s the problem with Valentine’s Day, it’s reserved for one day only and if you miss it, you miss it. You can’t get the balloons, cards, heart shaped sweets and other one day only merchandise after the day. It’s not like Christmas or Easter. As I’ve said on my previous Valentine’s Day posts, there’s no need for a grand show of love for one day a year, you should show someone you love them as much as you can. Every day a year. 

Valentine’s Day is indeed a nice day, if you really are going to carve out time for a special someone. It shouldn’t be a day where the gifts do all the talking. It should be about the experience: where are you going? What will you be eating/drinking/listening to/watching? (I hope none of you are watching Fifty Shades Darker - I fail to see that it’s romantic at all). As long as you’re enjoying each other’s company in a place that’s special for you, then Valentine’s Day can be magical. 

Hope you’ve all had a beautiful day. <3

[mode-esther]

My love has made me selfish. I cannot exist without you – I am forgetful of everything but seeing you again – my Life seems to stop there – I see no further. You have absorb’d me. I have a sensation at the present moment as though I was dissolving – I should be exquisitely miserable without the hope of soon seeing you … I have been astonished that Men could die Martyrs for religion – I have shudder’d at it – I shudder no more – I could be martyr’d for my Religion – Love is my religion – I could die for that – I could die for you.

John Keats

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The hygge life

The first I heard of hygge (how the hell do you pronounce it? Hoo-gah? Hue-gah? Higgie, as Ciara calls it?) was in a feature in Glamour magazine. I was hooked. It seemed so simple, so easy to accomplish if you took on their advice to buy candles, making yourself a comfortable corner and getting stylish furniture. What I gathered from the feature was to make life a bit cosier, a bit warmer but yet minimalistic. And I wanted to do this.

I was further fuelled into the concept by articles in the Guardian and other newspapers and online pages relating to everything about hygge, again reiterating the importance of lighting, warmth, togetherness and cosiness. I wanted to learn more, I wanted to become more ‘hygge’ when I found out that Denmark is rated one of the most happiest countries in the world. So I set out to do this.

I bought myself a three month subscription to Hygge Box, founded by Sally and Gabby who provide the most beautiful and very hygge gifts in their tissue wrapped boxes. When you subscribe, they offer you an introductory box, which includes a candle, socks, chocolate and sample tea bags to get you in the mood and to show what hygge means. It made me feel all warm inside and the socks were sooo soft. My first ever Hygge Box I was very excited about and I eagerly awaited it like a child - I was almost impatient to receive it. I got it just minutes before having to run out the door to catch a train but I managed to find out what I’d been given in that brief moment. It was advent themed and contained:

Advent candle

A little box filled with goodies like chocolate, mulled wine kit, jam and one of those candle jars

Pfeffernusse making kit (which I mucked up by baking too long but it was still a lovely experience to make and then eat)

A little Danish gift of a little girl figurine, sort of Christmassy

Danish language card

Danish heart making kit

I loved it, really loved it. It was gorgeous and made me feel fuzzy and comfortable and cared for. It made me feel hygge, especially when I drank the mulled wine, ate the pfeffernusse (translates in English as peppernuts) or put up my Danish paper heart in my bedroom window as a Christmas decoration. The founders also send a little note to you, with your name on the front of the envelope. It just feels so special, so personal and that’s one of the reasons why I loved receiving the box so much. (I’ll return to it when I’m paid more for my freelancing work!) I can’t remember much of my second box, though there was a beeswax candle making kit, a packet of black tea, probably chocolate too. I think the first box was my favourite but the third had my name on it. It had fairy lights, chai tea, caramel chocolate from a company called Gnaw, a cushion cover, two candles, and a notepad and coloured pencil. All the things I love. 

I read in an article that Morley College are actually teaching hygge as a course. That I would go to if there were any classes available! But I do have a good source to rely on: Meik Wiking’s The Little Book of Hygge: The Danish Way To Live Well, given to me as a birthday present from John. In fact, all of his birthday presents to me were hygge themed, he’d also given me two chocolatey gifts and a Pukka selection of teas. Hygge, writers say in articles, is about togetherness and cosiness and I certainly felt that last Christmas as there were about seven of us (not been part of a big group at Christmas in a while) and I enjoyed their company, the food and drink we had and the gifts given to me. I screamed in excitement when I discovered John had given me a bubble tea making kit, as it is one of my favourite things ever and was so surprised Lucy gave me a mermaid blanket, as I’d been thinking that I’d quite want one. So Christmas was a very hygge affair.

I think I feel at my most hyggelig when I’m watching a favourite TV show or film, enjoying a cup of tea (whether bubble, chai or herbal) and/or a sweet treat, cuddled up with John under a warm blanket and always, always, always, when I am wearing pyjamas. Pyjamas are the clothes I feel most comfortable in and I do have a pair that actually scream hygge, they’re my favourite at the moment - they’re so warm and comfortable! I also feel a sense of hygge when I listen to music I love and when the sun comes out. 

I’d love to do more though to get into the essence of hygge. I’d like to learn Danish. I really really want to visit Denmark and I’m currently editing a book that is mostly set in Scandinavia, and it’s making me itch to be there. I’ll finish reading Wiking’s book and take on all the tips and advice, and definitely cook the recipes included, such as skipper stew, meatballs in curry and twistbread. Yummers, as Becks says. My room is hygge in the sense I have sconces on the walls, candles where I can fit them and fairy lights twisted around my bed’s headboard, as well as my mermaid blanket and cushion on my bed. I want to do whatever I can to be as happy as the Danes and sometimes I like to imagine how I will decorate my future home so it captures the true essence of hygge. I will certainly be referring back to Wiking’s book on how I can do that.

I can see this year being peppered with the word hygge and I will be one of those people. I’m going to make it my best year yet. Get your hygge on, everyone!

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The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart

Helen Keller

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Book review: The House at Riverton by Kate Morton

Summer 1924

During a society party, a young poet is found dead by the lake of a grand house owned by the Hartford family. The only people to witness his death, the Hartford sisters Hannah and Emmeline, will never speak to each other again.

Winter 1999

Grace Bradley, 98, once a housemaid at Riverton Manor in the early twentieth century, is visited by a young director making a film about the poet’s suicide. Old memories resurface, ghosts awaken and Grace’s shocking secret she has kept to herself for decades begins to slowly emerge.

This is the second book of Morton’s I’ve read, which I learnt was her debut novel. I can see now, from reading both The House at Riverton and The Forgotten Garden, why her books are such a hit. The former was both alike and unlike The Forgotten Garden; similar in themes (grand Gothic house, doomed family, the literary world and a secret that has never been discovered) but ultimately, more tragic. I’m not going to spoil the book but tragedy is at the very heart of the book. Set against the backdrop of the Great War and the decadent twenties, the Hartford family are coming to terms with the death of Victorian ideals, etiquette, society etc, and of the beloved family members they lose along the way. It questions where loyalties lie, whether secrets can ever remain secret and what you would die for. 

Reading The House at Riverton was very different to the way I read The Forgotten Garden. I liked it, of course I liked it. The writing was gorgeous and while it didn’t have the same sort of grip on me as The Forgotten Garden did, it was still able to pull me in and not let me go. I was curious, desperate to know about Robbie - the poet - and his fate, and what Grace’s secret is, why she feels guilty. I felt like a voyeur as I read because it was through Grace’s eyes that we see what happened, she is the only survivor from Riverton who was a witness to everything, and whose bond to Hannah kept her in close proximity to the events that were to unfold. It’s almost as if she’s deliberately watching and eavesdropping on the most private and intimate matters of almost every character in the book, passive and quietly.

It isn’t just Grace, Hannah, Emmeline and Robbie at the forefront of the book, there’s the film director Ursula, Grace’s daughter Ruth and grandson Marcus (who’s missing but is the catalyst for her secret confession), the girls’ brother David and their father Mr Frederick aka Lord Ashbury and Hannah’s husband Teddy. The last three all have a contribution to the events that occur within the book, and they all seem to have their secrets. David is only seen in a few scenes but is kind and adores his sisters, Mr Frederick is somewhat withdrawn and aloof and I found Teddy completely unlikeable, which is why it’s so surprising that Hannah marries him - he’s a sexist pig and concerned only about money and reputation. Hannah is wild and longs for adventure whilst Emmeline seeks the glamorous life. Grace, in retrospect, is half hidden - almost invisible, much as she is bidden to be when she first starts housemaid duties at Riverton. In 1999, it’s much the same: she is just another resident at a care home and her daughter Ruth is distant with her due to the nature of their relationship over the years.

What I loved about the book was the way every scene was exciting, from the moment Grace enters service, the first time she meets the Hartford children, her discovery of her own parentage, when Alfred flirts with her and of course, the lead up to Robbie’s death by the lake. The way Morton writes is exquisite, she captures the Edwardian period perfectly, from costumes to music and entertainment. The descriptions were lush, providing a gloomy yet beautiful scenery for the setting of Riverton Manor, and the characters are well-rounded, bouncing off each other well. Much as I liked Hannah, I would’ve liked more access to Emmeline, whose version of events would’ve been very interesting to read. I enjoyed the moments where older Grace linked the present and past together when Ursula brings her to the film’s set, or Riverton Manor to see what it’s become; to see it after the events that occurred, to watch Grace return to the past with rose-tinted eyes, it offers a supernatural, haunting touch. The way the book shifts between the nineties and the twenties was magical, it was like stepping back in time and shows how much time has passed, how many years have gone by but haven’t erased Grace’s guilt. I liked the bond between the Hartford children, and the hints of romance everywhere, from widowed Mr Frederick, to Grace and Emmeline’s amours. It’s described as a mystery and love story; the mystery is always there yet the theme of love bounces from familial love to romantic love, which asks this question: which is most important between the two? 

If you haven’t read a Kate Morton book, you should. Buy this book, buy any of them (I have three more to read) - it will be a truly magical read. The mystery, the romance, the historical elements are all so crucial and the twists and unexpected turns it takes will leave you wondering why and how it all happened. You’ll never forget it. I still haven’t. 4/5

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The Imaginarium turned 5 today!

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2016 so far

At the beginning of the year, we got a metaphorical punch to the face when Terry Wogan died. Our mouth said, ‘WHAT?’ without saying it because we were too shocked to speak. Much like being punched. We’ve had to endure other beloved figures passing away, such as Alan Rickman, Prince, David Bowie, Louise Rennison and Caroline Aherne. I only found out last month, three months after it happened, that Anton Yelchin (I’ve only seen him in Like Crazy) died. I was appalled I didn’t know this at the time. And the other day, Jimmy Young died. This is sad, so so sad. 

In the middle of the year, the UK let itself down by voting to leave the EU. Well, only certain people voted to leave and their votes have caused madness. Thank God Cameron resigned but we still have a Tory Prime Minister (Theresa May) and a racist little pig running around stirring up trouble. Yes, Nigel Farage, I’m looking at you. Goodbye, multicultural Britain. Hello, price increases because the British currency is losing its value.

Not to mention, ISIS is scaring Europe senseless because we don’t know who will be targeted next. It was Paris at the end of last year, Brussels in March and there have been further suicide bombings and every other sorts of bombings since. We don’t want to be bombed out, ISIS. Go fuck yourselves. And bring back the women you brainwashed into travelling with you to Syria and Iraq.

And now, on top of this horrible, crappy year (which is no longer crap, it’s shit) Donald Trump has been made President-elect of the USA. Who voted for him?? What is the world coming to? While researching, I discovered a blind woman, Baba Vanga, had prophecised events that came to pass and who predicted, in the years to come, that Barack Obama would be the 44th and last President, and the rest of the world would be pulled into an Islamic war and eventually, an Islamic caliphate with Rome at the centre. I only walked into the article because the headline screamed that bad news was predicted for Donald Trump - my first thoughts were that someone might kill him. Well, if the prophecy does turn out to be true, it might still happen...

I can only hope things begin to get better. We need a little less bad politics and a little more hope for the future. Nigel Farage and Donald Trump should be thrown as far as they can be flung. Boris Johnson, too. Jeremy Corbyn should replace Theresa May. He’ll save us from catastrophe. Hopefully.

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Fireworks, Feeder, and other magical things

Tonight - well, last night, I attended the Wimbledon Park firework event with John (as we did last year and we loved it, so we decided to come back) and made a different night out of it, from the rides on to the food we ate. There’s a funfair and food and drink stalls, so last year I dragged John onto the Waltzers, which terrified him, and we had one of winter’s best drinks: a mulled one (wine for me, cider for him). The children’s fireworks had a Disney musical theme to it while the adults’ fireworks was Music Through the Twentieth Century (think Rolling Stones, Beatles, Spice Girls, Beyonce, Ellie Goulding etc). It was one of the best sights I’ve ever seen, and one of the best musical compilations I’ve heard - it was a such a feel-good, unforgettable moment of my life. Absolutely romantic and magical. 

This year, the musical themes for the fireworks were Magic for children, where I only just made out the music such as Frozen’s ‘Let it Go’, and All Around the World for adults. ‘Zorba the Greek’ was for Greece, ‘The Circle of Life’ for Africa and ‘New York, New York’ for, obviously, New York. I liked that the fireworks began with Scotland and Ireland. It was a bit of a party, because ‘Gangnam Style’ played for Korea and ‘No Speak Americano’ for Mexico, so it was kind of fun to watch all these colourful fireworks light up the sky to a song associated with a particular country in the world. It was a beautiful sight, the fireworks ranging from spinning, curling one to bangers and showers, in Barbie pinks, minty greens, ruby reds, champagne coloured, silver, and diamond blue. Tonight’s event was a marvellous watch but it doesn’t have the same quality last year’s did. It did have a nice wintry feeling though, we enjoyed mulled wine and German style hotdogs - currywurst and bockwurst (delicious) and were all wrapped up because it was cold. John won me a cute panda on the lucky dip (the first time anyone’s won me something) so now I have a new friend. I’m going Wimbledon Park’s fireworks event again next year, but not on the dodgems again - they’re so violent!

Last month, I went to a gig to see one of my favourite bands for the third time ... Feeder. (The first time I saw them was in 2008 in Newport with a friend, the second in Brixton, alone.) This time, I took John with me, who I think may have enjoyed the experience even more than I did - he had a very emotional moment when listening to ‘Feeling A Moment’. I loved seeing Feeder again. They played tracks from their new album All Bright Electric - ‘Universe of Life’, ‘Eskimo’, ‘Geezer’ and others. And of course, they sang old favourites, from ‘Buck Rogers’ to ‘Seven Days in the Sun’ and ‘Just A Day’ and my ultimate favourite, ‘Insomnia’. It was a proper party, everyone on the floor was dancing and moshing and going mental. I even saw John push someone as he moshed! One of the best things about this gig were the throwbacks to their nineties’ music so I was pretty excited when they sang ‘Sweet Sixteen’ and ‘High’. Their quieter, slower songs had a lovely quality to them and the upbeat numbers created a full blown party, so I was on a bit of a high when it ended and hadn’t wanted to leave. That was the best gig of theirs I’ve ever been to.

In September, I experienced something different: outdoor cinema, hosted by the Luna Cinema. I took John to Hampton Palace Court to see Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, a film I hadn’t seen until then. It felt like a very romantic setting, a huge screen against a backdrop of trees and an iconic building, and sitting on the grass, surrounded by shop bought food and drink and huddling into someone because it’s so cold. (We hadn’t prepared very well so John and I shivered throughout most of the film.) I really enjoyed the film, it had Kevin Costner’s heroic Robin Hood, action, sword fighting, a bit of romance and some comedy from the late Alan Rickman. It was another of those magical evenings I spend with John, and I tweeted a picture of the pair of us at the event, which earned me two free tickets from the Luna Cinema to see another screening. For the free showing, I took my sister to see Die Hard, a film of a genre I’ve never had any previous interest in, on the rooftop of One New Change. It was a lot colder on the rooftop but it was still a pretty magnificent experience, with St Paul’s opposite and stunning views of the city. And as it turns out, I liked Die Hard - a clever, fast-paced action film with some comedy and good one-liners. I might just watch the sequels...

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Mini reviews

Despite the Falling Snow

The big screen adaptation of Shamim Sarif’s book is very different to the novel. For one, there are are a couple of characters missing (Estelle and her husband, to name) and the role of Melissa and her connection to Lauren has become a new one. She is now Marina and a journalist helping Lauren find out what happened to Katya, though she has her own, rather selfish, motives for doing so. Yet the main plot remains, of Katya spying on Alexander while falling in love with him, despite what he stands for, and what happened to her all those years ago. 

The film could easily be seen without reading the book, as they are slightly different to one another, while carrying the same plotline. All leads played very well, particularly Charles Dances’s older Alexander pining for his lost love and Oliver Jackson-Cohen’s young Misha, who perfectly captures a man in love with a woman whom he can’t have, and a dangerous cunning to bring down Alexander. Rebecca Ferguson (Katya/Lauren) and Sam Reid (young Alexander) have a lukewarm chemistry which could have been developed further, yet Reid brings an endearing quality to his role that makes their love believable. What makes the film outstanding is the authenticity of 1950s Moscow, the beautiful costumes and the intensity of emotion. However, it does have its pitfalls, from Ferguson perpetually looking as if she’s going to cry at any moment, that it’s lacking in depth and it could’ve been longer, allowing for extra layers and scenes to be added. It is worth watching for the romance though, which is what it is and is done nicely. 3/5

‘After the Rain’ by Benjamin Francis Leftwich

The second album from Leftwich, ‘After the Rain’ has a quality that its predecessor hasn’t. ‘Last Smoke Before the Snowstorm’ has an earthy, autumnal/wintry feel to it but this one has a spring-like/summery feel - like a rebirth, a new life. It’s absolutely beautiful, it’s as though the sun comes out when you listen to it. The instrumentals are gorgeous and Leftwich’s vocals have this breathy, calm and melodious sound to it, which is one of the reasons it’s so magical to listen to. As well as that, the tracks really are beautiful, all of them, even if they are slow and sad. The tracks, I felt, that really stood out were ‘Tilikum’, ‘Groves’, ‘Mayflies’, ‘Summer’ and ‘Some Other Arms’. They were extraordinary to hear, so very memorable. I found myself listening to the latter over and over again because I couldn’t get enough of it. It’s lovely, absolutely lovely. It’s the charm of Leftwich’s half melancholic, half chilled voice, combined with the instruments used and other musical effects. 

It’s a real shame I didn’t get to see Ben live this year because I know this album, when played in front of an audience, would’ve been beyond phenomenal. The stunning ‘After the Rain’ is not to be missed. I’d say this album is probably better than  ‘Last Smoke Before the Snowstorm’. Whoever you are, you need Ben’s voice in your life. 5/5

The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins

I heard a lot about the book before I read it last month. I read it in four days, unable to tear myself away from it. It was exciting, it was tense, it was gripping, trying to find out what this girl on the train knows about a young woman who disappeared one night, and why she’s involved.

The Girl on the Train is a multi-layered story. It deals with Rachel (the girl on the train) whose divorce from husband Tom has led her down a path of self-destruction and for him, to his new life with wife Anna, and the perfect couple Megan and Scott (but she calls them Jess and Jason in her mind) whose lives are shattered when Megan goes missing and the police investigation Rachel intrudes on, and in effect, Scott’s. It dives into Megan’s past, strings us along a line of red herrings - including Scott himself and Megan’s therapist. This book is such a page turner, you want to know why Megan is missing and who is involved. And when you do, you want to kick yourself for not having seen it chapters earlier.

The best things about the book is the way that author Paula Hawkins creates such a colourful, yet dangerous cast of characters who are unreliable, untrustworthy, sometimes unlikeable but at the same time, utterly sympathetic; Rachel’s flashbacks to the start of her depression/alcoholism where she discovers the truth; and how easy it is to enter these people’s lives and observe them. It’s just fascinating. I know I like to look at other people’s homes and look out of the window on trains but this goes beyond that. We’re transported to a London that is scary and full of people we don’t know if we can trust. I also loved the multi perspective narrative, bouncing from Rachel to Megan to Anna, so we have more depth to the key characters who can help tell us what happened to Megan.

I can’t think of anything I didn’t like about this book. It’s a haunting, horrifying read and we can’t help but be drawn into these people’s lives. It’s as if Hawkins seduced my eyes the entire way through, making me read until the story had ended (I read it in four days). But it hasn’t ended. The film is out next week, which looks TERRIFYING judging from the trailer but I’m still going to watch it. I wonder if it’ll be as good as the book...? 5/5