moonlight-and-dreams-blog

[moonlight-and-dreams-blog]

sorry and goodbye

It was never easy to give up on someone you learned to love.

Hi, it's been awhile since I last wrote a blog here. Guess what? I'm still not happily inlove with anyone. I wasn't even sure what I feel right now. I'm not super sad nor super happy. I feel kind of empty and thought it's just okay. I've got so many things running through my head and I don't even know where to begin.

Nagka-gusto ako sa isang tao. His name's Jeramy, we've known each other for like... 6 or 7 years? We were highschool friends! Last year, around late August I asked how he was doing cuzzzz (uhm ok i actually saw his ex and kept wondering why they broke up idk i was just really curious lol so i asked my friend if it's ok if i ask him directly about it) so that's the start. Well..... not really. Our "never-ending" convo started around September but it stopped nung January.

During September... looking back to those days where I invited him na manuod ng sine, I do have some regrets. Maybe if i didnt invite him things couldve stayed the same as they are. Nung times na yun I realized na I got too excited kasi I found someone I thought I could work out with, na maybe we can be a couple, na maybe siya na. Almost everyone I know knows kung gaano ako kabilis ma-fall na they got too tired na pagsabihan narin ako kasi ang kulit kong tao. I understand them really. I'm honestly glad na kahit ganto ako, they do accept me and comfort me kapag nasasaktan ako.

Anyway... going back. Around October that's where I can confirm na I have feelings for him. I gave him too many hints pero never admitted kasi takot ako sobra. I've been through a lot of heartbreaks, a lot of almosts, kaya ayun medyo cinontrol ko sarili ko kasi ayoko na masaktan ng sobra na naman. Kaso wala eh, nasasaktan parin ako until now. Part na talaga siya ng life.

Fast forward sa birthday ko, pagkagising ko binasa ko agad message niya. And there, he confessed to me. I cried my eyes out kasi I don't know what to say. That was the time I gave up on him but then umamin siya. Naguluhan ako. Inisip ko baka naman pwede pa? So i came back... kaso... wala.

I thought I'd be okay pero I guess this isn't really the right time for the both of us. Or maybe we're really not meant for each other. Maybe sa ibang universe nagkakatagpo tayo, masaya tayo. Pero dito sa universe na to, no. I am not your ideal girl. I can't make you truly happy. I can't even do anything to make you feel better. Sobrang sakit na kasi eh, di ko na alam saan pa ako huhugot ng lakas to stay. Nauubos na ako and ayokong dumating sa point na ubos na ako. Sobrang hirap mong i-let go, but then I thought I need to. I need to let you go, para medyo mabawasan narin iniisip mo. I didn’t want to pressure you to pursue me if you’re not totally ready. I understand that. Jem, the only thing I’m asking from you is bigyan mo ako ng dahilan to stay. Kasi I can if you would just give me enough reason, gusto ko lang may mapanghawakan yun lang. If meron man tell me, kasi I can’t see it, I can’t feel it. Everytime na sinasabi mong namimiss ako I can’t say “I miss you too” kasi hindi ba dapat yun yung initial reaction mo pag may gusto ka dun sa tao pero ako... nag-dadalawang isip ako. Kasi di ko alam kung miss na ba talaga kita. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung mahal parin kita or kung mahal kita. You made me sooooo happy before believe me, pero for the past months kahit alam kong gusto mo na ako, na mahal mo na ako, hindi ko alam bakit puro lungkot yung nararamdaman ko, wala yung dating saya talaga, puro sakit at doubt nalang yung laman neto. Naalala mo yung sinabi mong “Kase tayo yung magpapasaya sa isa’t isa”? Di ako naniwala dun. Kasi kung totoo yun bakit ang lungkot ko parin kapag kausap kita? Bakit ang sakit sakit pag kausap kita? Sorry I ignored the fact na magiging unfair nga talaga sakin tong kung ano man meron tayo. Sorry I told you na okay lang na unfair before kahit hindi naman talaga okay sakin. Alam kong maiintindihan mo na kailangan kong unahin naman yung sarili ko, sorry kung ngayon pa ako nagpaka-selfish. :(

Alam ko naman sa sarili kong walang tamang way to say all of this nang hindi ka nasasaktan kasi at the end of the day it’s over and buo na desisyon ko kahit masasaktan tayo both. The last time we talked, I gave you hints. I'm really sorry I can't stay. I'm sorry I'm leaving you again. I'm sorry I made you feel like there's a progress sa kung ano man meron tayo. I'm sorry I ruined you. But I do hope for the past months, I made you feel a little bit better. I hope I did make you happy kahit onti. Please don't blame yourself for everything that happened to the both of us. I want you to know na I’m blessed we met. I'll always pray for your happiness kasi you deserve it so much Jem. Thank you sa love mo sakin. Thank you kasi I found someone who accepts me for who I am, someone who'll never give up on me kahit ilang beses ko pa siyang sukuan. I'm truly sorry di ko na kaya. I loved you, Jeramy. :)

P.S. Sobrang dami ko pang iniisip but I can’t put it into words. Haha. Naubusan narin ako. P.P.S Gusto ko sana sabihin to lahat in person but we all know wala akong masasabi in person. Baka one word palang umiyak na ako. Kaya dito nalang.

[moonlight-and-dreams-blog]

A WEEK WITHOUT SOCIAL MEDIA

January 14, 2018

            Last night, I was completely not being myself, I was sad; I don’t even know what to do. I felt so tired of everything but I can’t do anything. I just want to sleep for a long time. I overthink A LOT. I suddenly thought what if I try to stay away from social media for one day. What would happen? At first, syempre feeling ko parang no, I’m not gonna do it. But then today, as I woke up, I thought why not try it for a week. I wanted to challenge myself kasi I realized na halos 80% of my day, I spend it looking through my phone, scrolling thru facebook, twitter, check updates from my friends, tweets ridiculous stuff to get everyone’s attention, like I needed a validation from everyone else. Getting those likes or hearts makes me happy, helped me quite boost my confidence pero at the end of the day I always ask myself masaya ba talaga ako? I also tweeted last night na “sobrang mapanlinlang ng social media kasi akala ng mga tao ang saya saya ng buhay mo but in real life hindi ka naman talaga masaya” KASI HINDI NAMAN TALAGA. And I’m tired of faking happiness, I don’t know. Some people would probably think na nagpapapansin lang ako and I don’t fucking care so quits lang.

            Anyways, around 12PM I started deleting Facebook, Messenger and later on Twitter. I logged out my main account on Instagram but I have another account which is where I post daily pics for my 365 days thing challenge AND I CAN’T MISS POSTING so yun lang yung social media app ko right now. I don’t consider youtube as a social media since you aren’t actually interacting with people unless you’re a youtuber or whatever, also di naman ako masyado nanunuod sa youtube. So basically I can’t do anything with my phone, Spotify and Photography apps lang meron ako. I SERIOUSLY DON’T WHAT THE FUCK TO DO. No one’s texting me rin so okay, naglaba ako saka inayos ko drawer ko, I’m also re-reading yung book ni Alex Gonzaga na “Dear Alex, Break na kami. Paano?! Love, Catherine” I don’t know kung itutuloy ko pa hahaha omg.

            Fast forward to evening, nag-paload na ako kasi di ko na kayang walang kausap. You know, isolating yourself from social media makes you feel more alone. No notifications, no messages, no anything. Napaisip tuloy ako kagabi what if di ako nag-post sa ig story ko na I’m doing this, would people really care? Would people start worrying about me? Would they actually notice that I was gone? Okay enough. Maaga ako natulog kasi wala narin talaga ako magawa.

DAY 1 – January 15, 2018

            Goodmorning! Is it? Nasanay akong ino-on yung wifi ko first thing in the morning and waiting for notifs but then I remembered I deleted my apps and went straight to office bcs OJT. And sa office, di naman ako masyado nahirapan kasi I was thinking of doing something else. Kasi syempre since I promised myself not to access any of my social media accounts, may mga ideas na pumapasok sa utak, like what should I do on this certain day or whatever. Right now, since hindi pa maayos yung wall ko sa kwarto naming I decided to plan a design for it and I’m actually enjoying this thing. Kanina rin tinry, I joined this challenge thing na pag-gawa ng User Interface for a Weather App na inemail sakin nung katrabaho ko dito sa OJT and so far, masaya naman. To be honest ang dami na naka-draft sa utak ko na gusto kong i-tweet but then okay next week nalang. HAHAHA. It’s only the second day pero hey I’m quite enjoying this. Being away from social world makes you feel alone for real like what I’ve said earlier, pero through this I realized na mas nagkakaron ako ng time for myself. Time for me to think about what I should do next, hindi lang basta mag-scroll sa fb and twitter and watch kung ano nangyayari sa buhay ng ibang tao. Spotify will be my company for the whole week, and kung walang music? Feeling ko mabibingi ako sa silence.

            Many things happened to me today. VERY UNLUCKY OF ME. It is something sort of traumatizing and I will not say it here. Kahit di masyado naging maganda yung araw ko I made it quite productive by designing my wall. I printed a lot of aesthetic stuff I got from the internet, some of them were my postcards (BTS, Dean, Suspicious Partner) Hindi ko pa tapos tbh kasi I’m planning to include Kimi No Na Wa dun sa wall since it’s really something. I also included the album covers I made dun sa mga playlist na ginawa ko sa Spotify. I’ll be putting the links or pictures below. It is actually really nice na naisip kong gawin to (wall design) since wala naman akong ibang pwedeng gawin hahaha. Pero ayun nga, it’s nice to have something to stare at. Every time na nag-wall design ako tinititigan ko lang after and I feel happiness by staring at it. I don’t know, ang sarap lang talaga kasi titigan nung mga happy faces sa polaroids alam niyo yun. Yung memories it would suddenly all flashback to you.

DAY 2 – January 16. 2018

            It’s Tuesday and it is supposed to be my rest day sa OJT pero I decided pumasok kasi gusto ko narin naman matapos to. I’m tired of waking up tapos pagpasok sa office wala rin masyadong gagawin, kasi wala rin namang maipagawa sakin. Feeling ko tuloy parang ang wala kong kwenta hahahaah dejk. Everything’s going well naman so far, medyo nasasanay na yung self ko na hindi masyadong hawak yung phone ko unless mag-pplay lang ako ng music.Ay nga pala, forgot to tell you all na natutuwa akong gumawa ng playlist sa Spotify ang saya lang kasi talagang gumawa lalo na yung part na gagawa ako ng album cover for that playlist, I think this would become my hobby.

            I just got home and I was alone earlier, di pumasok yung ibang mga kasama ko sa OJT huhu but it’s okay, saying din oras. Pero nagsayang lang din naman ako ng oras sa office kasi wala akong magawa. Since I can’t use social media kung ano ano na pumapasok sa isip ko na gawin. I wanted to read David Levithan’s novel book na “Every Day” kasi ang tagal ko na gusting basahin yun nung high school pero I didn’t when I had the chance. So ayun, pahirapan makahanap ng pdf online, luckily I found one hehe pati yung “Another Day”. And since gagawing film yung Every Day I hopeeee mabasa ko na siya before ko mapanuod haha. Bukod sa paghanap ng pdf ng mga books, I also read articles about sa mga black mirror episodes yung mga analysis nung mga episodes kasi I wanted to understand it more and read reviews. Pati yung meaning ng mga kanta ni Taylor Swift sa reputation album sinearch ko. Jusko I obviously got nothing else to do sa office lmao. Fast forward to uwian (yey) it’s raining outside and I felt the sadness, alone, sad, raining wow really nice di ba. When I got home, kumain muna ako syempre and naisip kong manuod ng horror movie, I watched “Happy Death Day” and it’s actually good. Di naman sya yung type ng horror na sobrang matatakot ka so sa mga di mahilig sa horror, pwede niyo naman panuorin, matutuwa kayo kasi may halong comedy and sort of romance naman yung movie. Although, quite disappointed with the ending, sa reason nung killer bat niya pinapatay ng paulit-ulit yung bida. Basta ayun, panuorin niyo nalang. After that, nakatulog na agad ako.

DAY 3 – January 17, 2018

            It’s raining AGAIN. Actually, ambon lang naman and medyo hassle lang sa pag commute kasi basa. Hnggg. Ang aga ko na naman sa office, and feeling ko it’s one of the effects taking a break from social media kasi hindi nakakain yung oras ko ng pag-aayos sa pagpasok sa work. Walang distractions. And mapipilitan kang kumilos talaga kasi wala ka naman ibang gagawin lol. Today was like any other day sa office, nothing to do as of now huhu (give me something to do please)

            As I got home, I spent my night watching Black Mirror. Lol. Pinanuod ko yung Shut Up and Dance, San Junipero and Hang the DJ, nasimulan ko rin naman yung Men Against Fire pero di ko natapos inantok na ako. Out of all episodes, yung Hang the DJ yung pinakagusto ko, naiyak nga ako eh wala namang kaiyak iyak talaga ng bongga pero na-attach ako masyado dun sa episode na alam mo yun nilabanan nila yung system kasi they both believe na sila yung perfect match ayun la lang, pero sa ending yun pala yung totoong sila, yung Amy and Frank is just virtual lol pero anyways, at least sila yung nag-end up together in real life (hopefully). Honestly, I also spent my time reading articles and reviews about Black Mirror kanina sa office. I got seriously nothing else to do, nag-check ako ng email ko na ginagamit ko sa fb and found some people messaging me pero all I can was “*Name* has sent you a message” and kailangan kong buksan messenger to read the message kaso I have to stick with my experiment.

DAY 4 – January 18, 2018

            Nothing quite special about this day, this is like reliving my day over and over again. Lol. Oh wait, I drank 3 cups of coffee today and I felt like my heart’s going to burst anytime. I realized na wala na talagang epekto kape sakin, after ko kumain when I got home nanuod lang ako saglit ng Black Mirror (again) and I fell asleep agad, ramdam ko yung pagod kahit wala naman ako masyadong ginawa today. Also, I waited for almost an hour sa terminal jusko. Yun lang haha boring no? Gusto ko na bumalik sa social media not because I miss it (Well, sort of) pero kasi yung ka-group ko sa thesis need makausap haha pero nakiusap nalang ako sa kaklase ko to chat him haha.

DAY 5 – January 19, 2018

            Today, akala ko malalate na ako ng bongga kasi it’s Friday and ang hirap sumakay because punuan sa bus haisxt. I can’t even help my officemate sa ginagawa niya although sabi eh tulong kami so ayun I really got nothing else to do, kahit gusto kong simulant yung docu nung UI ng Preventive Maintenance (project dito sa office) di parin masimulan kasi di pa approved yung design huhu. Pansin niyo bang paikli ng paikli yung mga kwento ko per day? Kasi paulit-ulit lang naman hahaha. Di naman din ako naging ganun ka productive lol kahit yung plano kong magbasa ng libro di ko rin naman nagawa.  

            Okay I finally decided to bring back my social media by 12PM because of important matters and wala akong ibang contact sa ka-group ko except sa messenger lang talaga. Di ko na-accomplish yung 1 week but 5 days was long enough to prove some things sa akin. It was fun though.

FINAL THOUGHTS

 TRY. IT. Especially if you are addicted to social media. You need to take a break from it, girl. For the past days wala akong idea about what’s happening with everyone’s lives pero as days passed, hindi naman sa walang pake pero di ko na masyadong iniisip kung ano yung nangyayari sa buhay ng ibang tao. One thing I realized is that, I really spend my time scrolling thru my feed and comparing myself to others na parang why am I not like them, why am I not as creative as them, nakaka-baba ng self-esteem indeed. As I said earlier, I read few articles about people who tried this “Social Media detox” some of them just found an alternative way of distracting themselves with their phones, some of them even said na nagbago yung perspective nila sa social media and it made them happy to learn some things. And for me, I’d go with second one, it was hard but it was fun trying to fill this void within you, once you’re away from social media you began to observe people around you (in real life) and ma-aamaze ka nalang and ma-sasad at some point kasi halos lahat ng tao eh nakatutok sa phones nila, most people don’t socialize or communicate with others narin. Sobrang laki na talaga ng impact ng social media sa buhay ng mga tao, actually based palang sa pinopost natin dapat di ka lang nagpopost basta basta eh, most of us post to gain likes, attention, recognition, the satisfying feeling na you’re beautiful and whatever. I know most of you understand that feeling, and we actually love that feeling. But the thing is, di na totoo yung ibang pinopost natin sa social media. Akala ng mga tao, ang saya saya ng buhay natin but in real life hindi naman. Why? Because nag-base sila sa posts natin sa social media. And if we tried to express ourselves, our frustrations, anxieties, about our depression a lot of people would still say “Ano na namang ka-dramahan yan?” and invalidates your feelings kasi nasa utak na nila na you’re a happy person, you are not that kind of person na malungkot, which is sad, which makes most of us trying to be real have anxieties and all. That’s shitty isn’t it? Imbes na icomfort natin yung tao, ginagago pa natin. Sana maging sensitive tayo about it. Omg wait di ko alam if what I’m saying is still related to what I want to really say. Haha. Anyway, nabasa ko lang din kasi sa isang article na one of the factors kaya tayo nagkaka-anxiety is because of social media and I actually agreed to that. The past days, I wasn’t really that sad, I believe na-lessen yung pag-ooverthink ko, kasi wala akong ibang iniisip kung hindi pano ko ma-eentertain yung sarili ko, how will I be productive, and start to think about what would happen to me in the future, yung mga ganung bagay. You start to think about yourself, about how you would impress yourself and not other people. I guess that’s it. It was a really fun thing to do. 

[moonlight-and-dreams-blog]

There are two types of ‘tired’, I suppose. One is a dire need of sleep, the other is the dire need of peace.

Anonymous (via wnq-anonymous)

[moonlight-and-dreams-blog]

[moonlight-and-dreams-blog]

SIGURadO

I know I’ve said this a million times, but I just can’t stop writing about you. No matter how many times I try to refrain myself from thinking about you, I cannot help but do so.

It’s been months since we last talked. Ang bilis ng panahon noh? Parang kailan lang close pa tayo, parang kailan lang araw-araw pa tayong magka-usap. I badly wanted to talk to you but I don’t know how. If you remember, we were both forced to be representatives for Mr. & Ms. CCIS but you ditched me. You left me hanging there AGAIN. I was expecting it pero I held onto it just a little bit, umasa na sana pumunta ka. I even kept on imagining on how I would approach you since I don’t want things to get awkward, I want us to be okay again, to bring back the old us which is “friends”. It’s where we started and where we must stay. But I guess hindi pa yun yung right time makipag-ayos sa'yo. I kept on asking myself almost everyday kung magiging ganito ba tayo until we 4th year? To think na we’ll be classmates for more than a year pa. Honestly, I’m not mad at you anymore kasi wala ng point. I’ve already accepted things between you and me. Pero seryoso talaga ako, gusto na kita kausapin. Ayoko narin kasing maging awkward sa classroom kaso parang ayaw mo. Believe me I’m trying. Kaso natatakot ako na baka hindi mo ako pansinin. I miss you. Yes, I miss you but I don’t love you anymore? Yata? Is it possible? I think it is naman. Hmm.. let me make it clear. I miss the feeling of being inlove. Maybe that’s what it is? Hindi ko na alam. Pero, kada lalabas ka ng room tapos dala mo yung bag mo iniisip ko kung uuwi ka na ba. Sa isip-isip ko sana wag muna, kasi gusto pa kita makita. PAKSHET. Gusto pa nga siguro kita. Dapat wala na akong pake sa'yo eh. But what’s with you na lagi kitang hinahanap? In the crowd, ikaw at ikaw yung hinahanap ko. Kada papasok ako sa school, nag-wiwish ako na sana makasabay kita. Kahit sa malayo lang masilayan kita. Gaano karaming beses ko man itanggi, ikaw parin talaga eh. Tangina. Lakas ng tama ko sayo. Nakakatawa lang. Alam mo ba, parang nag-iba ka na nga eh. Parang di na kita kilala. Parang di ako makapaniwala na minsan na tayong araw-araw nagkakausap. Parang naging isang mahabang panaginip lahat yun tapos nagising ako sa reality na wala ka naman talagang gusto sakin at may girlfriend ka na. Ang gulo ko no? Hindi ko alam kung naka-move on na ako or hindi pa. Mas matagal pa yung pag-move on ko kaysa sa tagal natin. Hahaha. Congrats nga pala btw! Kasi finally, you’re ready for a relationship. Finally you’ve made up your mind and trying to make things right. I’m proud of you. I hope you’ll keep each other for a long time. Masaya ka na, masaya narin ako para sa inyo. Walang halong biro promise. I honestly stalked your girl and I can see she’s a keeper. I’m glad you found someone who’ll understand and love you fully despite your flaws. I saw how gentle and kind she is based on her posts. Please do keep each other and be happy. ❤

[moonlight-and-dreams-blog]

"Paano pag bumalik siya sayo tapos marealize niyang ikaw pala talaga yung mahal niya, tatanggapin mo ba ulit siya?" Wala namang nagtanong sakin neto pero narinig ko lang sa showtime kahapon haha ang sagot ni vice, kung mahal niya parin daw yung taong yun papatawarin niya, tatanggapin niya parin. Pero kung ako tatanungin, di talaga ako naniniwala sa second chances, but at the same time it depends upon the person na bibigyan mo ng second chance. Isipin mo kung worth it bang papasukin mo ulit siya sa buhay mo, kung magiging masaya ka ba talaga ulit sa piling niya... sobrang hirap ibalik yung tiwalang minsan nang nasira. Maraming pagkakataon din naman na naka-move on ka na tapos bigla siyang mag-paparamdam ulit sayo at magtataka ka kung bakit, bakit bumabalik siya? Bakit nung nakita ko ulit siya parang huminto mundo ko at nahirapan akong huminga? Bakit hanggang ngayon siya parin? Bakit sa dami ng tao siya parin yung hinahanap ko? Bakit nag-aalala parin ako sayo? Bakit ang sakit parin? Bakit kahit ang tagal ng tapos andun parin yung kirot? Bakit iniiyakan mo parin siya sa gabi? Ang daming bakit pero ni isang tanong walang nakakaalam ng sagot. Kung meron man, puro "siguro" "malay" "baka", walang kasiguraduhan. Kung bumalik man siya, ayoko na. Ayoko na madagdagan ng bakit ang sakit sa dibdib.

[moonlight-and-dreams-blog]

i cant believe im sobbing over someone who doesnt even care about me lmao why am i wasting my time being overly dramatic to one guy who doesnt even deserve every single tear i wipe off of my shirt sleeve

[moonlight-and-dreams-blog]

i remember answering to your message at four in the morning, i wasnt honestly expecting for u to message me & ask me whats wrong. it was the night where it all started, where everything falls right down my knees, where everything started to go perfectly imperfect, i was so unsure yet i wanted to continue talking to you because maybe, just maybe i could be someone worth talking, i could be someone you're looking for but as day passes by you were slowly disappearing from my vision. you were almost as if you'll no longer see me again. we sat beside each other that day, everything was perfect but then i felt something strange would come, we were so near but so far from each other, you're physically beyond my reach but i felt like i couldnt reach you. i asked you if you were okay, and in your eyes i knew my answer. i was so afraid for you to let me go, i wanted to continue, but i couldnt bear it no more. the pain is slowly destroying me i had to let it go, i had to let go of you, you saw i was grieving in pain so you let me go, i agreed not knowing it would be more painful. i've endured the heartaches for so long i'd almost combust, i was so shattered and broken

[moonlight-and-dreams-blog]

Hi, just want you to know that I'm doing well. Though, you probably don't care about me anymore. I honestly don't know if I'm ready to see you again. I don't know if I still have feelings for you. Hm... I guess I'm still not over you. Funny how I've been writing the same thing over again on this blog. I can't believe I'm still crying about you, about the little things we did together. Maybe, I still can't seem to find what did go wrong. Was it my fault for having false hopes? Was it my fault, falling for your sweetness when all you wanted was to make friends? Was it my fault thinking we could work things out together and just be happy? Maybe I was too negative, maybe I was overthinking things too much. Maybe those were the reasons people are leaving me. You all are getting tired of seeing me in so much pain. You all wanted me to feel free and less burden. I'm getting dramatic all over again. It's New Year, I must let go of the things I need to let go during 2016. It's New Year, a brand new hope for everyone including myself. I just wish this year would be better than last year, I wish this year would be filled with nothing but love and happiness. Although of course, struggles would always be present but I'm hoping I'll get through it with a smile on my face and just keep on going. There's so many reasons for me to be happy. Therefore, I must focus on the things that make me feel alive. 😊

[moonlight-and-dreams-blog]

"I wanna have long drives with someone I love and talk about everything in the world, or just sing our favorite song at the top of our lungs, and we'll both laugh and cherish each moment spent together"

[moonlight-and-dreams-blog]

an open letter sa taong minsan ko nang nasaktan, believe me you didn't deserve that.

Hi, kamusta ka na? Sorry ulit kasi alam kong nasaktan kita. Nakakainis nga kasi pinakawalan pa kita. Pinakawalan ko pa yung taong worried about sakin, yung taong gustong malaman kung ano nangyari sa araw ko, yung taong laging nagsasabing wag akong mag-overthink kasi di naman dapat, yung taong handang laging makinig sakin, yung taong totoong kaya akong pasayahin. Ikaw yun, ikaw na lahat. Ang tanga ko dun ng slight, pero sana bigyan mo ako ng isa pang chance, alam kong mahirap ibalik yung tiwalang minsan ng nasira pero believe me when i say i really wanna talk to you again. Malamang, iisipin mo na kaya ko gustong kausapin ka para maka-move on ako dun sa isa, kaya nga tuma-timing ako eh. Hindi ko nga alam kung anong sasabihin ko sayo eh, kung ano pang mukhang maihaharap ko sa kabila ng lahat. Sana naintindihan mo kung bakit ko kinailangang gawin yun. Sorry ulit, sorry sa lahat. Sana magkaroon pa tayo ng isa pang pagkakataon. This time, seryoso na. Pero di ko sinasabing niloloko kita nung mga times na kausap kita ahhh, magulo lang talaga ako nun. Ayun, di ko alam kung mababasa mo to, pero sana mabasa mo. :-)

[moonlight-and-dreams-blog]

ayokong maisip mong ginagamit kita kaya ako'y lilisan na muna at sa mga nagdaang araw ikaw ang siyang hinahanap ng pusong ligaw wag mong isiping ginagamit kita para lang makalimutan ko siya sana'y maisip mong ginagawa ko to di dahil mahal ko pa siya kung hindi, dahil gusto na kita at nais kong magkaron ng bagong simula ang istorya nating naudlot bigla sana'y bigyang pag-asa ang pusong nais lang ay sumaya sa piling ng taong tama para sa kanya

i'll never take someone for granted

[moonlight-and-dreams-blog]

as i scroll through my phone i saw pictures of you, of us and all the memories keeps on flashing back and forth in my head, it won't stopㅡ the feelings that should've been gone remains deeply in my heart i thought i was done knowing you're already gone i miss you but i know you'll never care for you are with her sharing laughters and looking fair, and here i am sitting in the corner wondering if you ever think of me even if your heart belongs to her

MKADM

[moonlight-and-dreams-blog]

isa lang naman gusto ko yung magkaroon ng tayo hindi lang ikaw at ako kung hindi tayo ngunit lahat ay naging malabo ba't tayo humantong sa ganito bigla nalang naglaho ang mga alaala ng pangako siguro nga ito na ang dulo ng istoryang hindi naging tayo

mkadm

[moonlight-and-dreams-blog]

I maybe the saddest person you've ever met, but I hope you did see the best part of me

and that was you, until you left me

[moonlight-and-dreams-blog]

You used to be that someone I just don't want to let go anymore

[moonlight-and-dreams-blog]

We were friends…” I said “I lost my friend.” You smiled. “We can still be friends, silly.” I looked down “No, we can’t. Because right now all I want to do is kiss you because I know what it’s it’s like and I can never accept just being your friend.

suds-in-a-bucket  (via wordsnquotes)