moonsprince

[moonsprince]

no matter who else i'm talking to it'll never be the same as you. this is so fucked up to say but it's true and i don't know what to do about it @. god i fucking love you. dhdhhshyjykx

[moonsprince]

and after all this i just. i still want you. i don't know. i know there's no hope but i really. want you. and . mhhnfb. Hm. hm. even when i am happy. it hurts

[moonsprince]

and i do wish i could keep your mind interested in me and i know initially i had you interested but i feel like the more you delved deeper the more you saw how i wasn't the person that i put out there. or that i seemed to be. i know you saw me so highly and i ripped it all apart and i do blame it all on me but i just know that these days specifically i cannot satisfy you. you like to have little games with people and to toy with them in a fun way and to tease and to stimulate eachothers minds. and i know this dude is offering that to you. and all the others you have. and i wish i could offer that to you too. i feel like i'm so vulnerable with you to the point where it became hard for me to even like myself with you. and that makes sense. because i hurt you in unimaginable ways. i just wish it didn't affect how i interacted with you. i wish iwas someone who could stimulate your mind, make you want to come back for more, someone whos smart and witty. and knows whats going on. someone who can keep up with your mind, not just sit there and be fascinated by it. because that's what i am. i admire you. but admiration is not enough. you want someone who doesn't just admire you but offers something new to you. you don't want to be with me and it hurts. it's like a direct shot to the chest because you're perfect and i had you once and i fucked up and it fucking haunts me how i hurt you this much. i always say this but i wish i offered something better to you. i wish i was the people you have in your life rn, the ones who you talk to every minute of the day to keep you distracted from life and that stimulate your mind. i feel like i'm just a person who isn't smart this way. i'm not witty. i'm not someone that makes you go wow. i'm a person full of emotion and reactions. i'm not one to come up with things. i'm not a good mind stimulater as much as i wish iwas. i always was insecure about this. i wish i could offer you something you liked. i shouldn't be letting this dictate my entire life choices but i don't even know anymore. i do wish i caught your eye like that person did. and i wish i treated you like this person is now. on top of that they even share all these placements with me. and yet they still are better than me. it hurts. i wish i wasn't myself. i want to be witty. i want to be outstandingly witty and not based on reactions and emotions. i wish i didn'r have bpd that makes me think everything could be an attack against me. i wish i could make you like me. i wish i was happy. i will never be a person anyone takes seriously or thinks of as cool. i'm not cool. i'm not someone mysteriously cool and alluring. like these people are to you. i'm nothing. it hurts so much

[moonsprince]

i bet youd want to see him over me lol

[moonsprince]

why csb't you fucking like me

[moonsprince]

youre so lucky and you deserve to be. i wish i was part of your luck

i shouldn't have ever treated you wrong

now you see them the way you used to see me. but you're actually happy

and im not happy. i am glad you're happy but i can't pretend its not breaking me apart knowing how we ended and its all becaus of me

i think about how you first approached me every fucking day of my life and i never stop thinking about it. you changed my fucking life forever and ever and you treated melike a perfect doll who deserves all love and no bad treatment and you had such a positive outlook on . us. and i fucking treated you like shit and i will never fucking forgive myself because you're all i want and i was so . fucking flawed and disgustingly horrible and didn't think through my words and i will always always want you and maybe this is my punishment for what i did to you i hate hsing that word but i know you will never read this so i will use it here but i think thid is what i get for how i put you in thr worst place in your life. i have to watch you be happy with others and completely give up on me. snd i sit here and just have to realize i'm completely unlovable and it was always you loving an illusion . shshshshshahhahagahahshsh

[moonsprince]

i wish what yiu felt was for me i wish it was secretly for me i fuxking wiah so bad.

i wish i could show you how i've been practicing my hole for you because thags what you asked me to. i wiH you srill cared

[moonsprince]

i wish this all was a sick cruel joke that you played on me and it was all revealed in the end that you actually loved me still, all along. i wish for that so fuxkkng bad. i know you're honest and wouldnt ever do that but i fuxking wish you did. i wish you loved me. i wish i made you horny i wish i made you feel attracted to me. i wiah you still saw my neck and wished to kiss it. i think about the times we were together every fucking day. i fucking miss you. i miss you every day

[moonsprince]

everything i do is a wish for you to see me and maybe have something click within you

[moonsprince]

and imm thinking of when you would still wstch movies with me all day all the romance ones all the sweet ones and i blew my fucking chances by being a massive dipshit multiple times. i shouldve been better i had you and i blew it and i can't fucking believe it. you're all i ever wanted and i can't take how much i fucked things over. i wish i wasnt this way from the start so we couldve been together. i fuxking love you so much. i wish you wanted me back. please, want me back. love me back. can you please kisss me when i wear my pretty clothes for you can you fuck me when i wear my pretty clothes for you and wear my make up and shave for you. i'm sorry i didnt shave last time. i am so fucking sorry. i miss you

i thought i was doing okay but then i thought some more and i'm truly not and i look at videos of us and you're so so fucking peefect you're so attractive and that i managed to lose you makes me beyond sick. you just are disgusted by even the thought of us together and i wish there was something i could do about it becsuse thid is all so much harder than it seems. being away from you in this way is so fucking hard. i want to be a part of your life, i want to be a part of your journey and life. that's why i come see you in the first place. that's why i posr my selfies that's why i pack up these pretty dresses and lingerie it's all to impress you it's all to make you mine and to have you want me just like i wanr you. that you want other people is okay i just wish you also wanted me. you can have others but i wanr to be wanted by you too. i'm so sad. i'm so so sad. i wish i was yours. and i also wish i had things figured out and be happy like you. i wish you wanted me still i'm so fucking sad. jahshsjdjsh

[moonsprince]

i thought i was doing okay but then i thought some more and i'm truly not and i look at videos of us and you're so so fucking peefect you're so attractive and that i managed to lose you makes me beyond sick. you just are disgusted by even the thought of us together and i wish there was something i could do about it becsuse thid is all so much harder than it seems. being away from you in this way is so fucking hard. i want to be a part of your life, i want to be a part of your journey and life. that's why i come see you in the first place. that's why i posr my selfies that's why i pack up these pretty dresses and lingerie it's all to impress you it's all to make you mine and to have you want me just like i wanr you. that you want other people is okay i just wish you also wanted me. you can have others but i wanr to be wanted by you too. i'm so sad. i'm so so sad. i wish i was yours. and i also wish i had things figured out and be happy like you. i wish you wanted me still i'm so fucking sad. jahshsjdjsh

[moonsprince]

i wish you still cared like before you met them i miss you so much and all my long letters from my old blog are gone and i put my entire emotions into tjem and i'm late to work typing this already i jsut fucking miss you and i don't know what to do i miss you and you don't know i know you plan movie nughts with them now. in a way i wish your horniness took over and you would maybe want me in any way. i wish i could be your good little girl i'm gonna kmskfkdbdbbf