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Things That Make My Life Worthwhile...
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#tw sad shit#diary tags#pt 3#I remember a while ago my mom said that#the only person you can truly disappoint is yourself#and I’ve just felt the weight of that so heavily lately#I want to be so much more and be someone no one has to worry about#it’s just hard#especially since I don’t feel like I fit anywhere#like an awkward little puzzle piece#I’m thankful for the few people I do have that can *kinda* understand me#but I don’t expect that from anyone. don’t want to rely on others.#maybe that’s my life’s trauma response but#yeah#*sigh*#it has to be okay one day
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Your body is so soft.
#tw sad shit#diary tags#pt 2#I feel like I put so much pressure on myself to be someone that fits in#kind of like when I was younger but worse now because I’m aware of the things I don’t like#I’ve somehow reversed my mindset#lost who I am#waiting for the moment when it’ll all make sense and I’ll save myself like I have so many times before#it just doesn’t seem to be clicking :/#I think it partially has to do with others and how they’ve treated me but it’s mainly myself#somehow I’m at a crossroads of deciding who should stay or go#I’m losing trust#losing trust in others. but worse I’m losing trust in myself.#it comes and goes in waves but lately it’s felt so constantly bad that I’m not sure of the frequency#I just don’t know what to do anymore or if I’m going to make it ?#the stubborn part of me says yes but I am so unsure#lately I can’t help but think back to younger me and feel what she went through#feel the weight of being someone who shines but can be taken as annoying#if I could tell my younger self something. it would be to not let bland people wash out your flavor. you’re special. you’re different.#and that there’s nothing wrong with that.#and also that I’m sorry for not being able to take that wisdom at 27.
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GEORGIA (2017)
#tw sad shit#lmao#diary tags#how do I… stop my brain from thinking my existence is useless / bothersome#most days I wake up and wonder why I’m still around#I think about the way I talk with people#the space i take#my vibe#I remember once in like 5 grade one of my classmates came to our family business and our moms kinda had us hangout#I was lonely that year and I had 0 friends#so of course I was a little excited#I wasn’t very talkative or anything#yet the next day at school it got brought up and he said I was obnoxious#I remember feeling so confused and wondering why or what I did to make him perceive me that way#how could he think that when that was the most normal I’d ever been ? I did everything right to be liked#didn’t really even express myself yet#I never trusted people enough to open up#and get there they were. judging me.#of course that was a long time ago#but it still has enough bite to sting#it wasn’t all in my head bc I’m not one to lose my cool over that#add on the fact that they’d say these things to my face#so#yeah#after that I moved on ofc and found my people and my ways of expression#things were good#until now I guess#pt. 1
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#anyway tumblr is dead#I come on when I need to share some thoughts and I get off#nothing to it#like most things anyway
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Breaking Bad
#yeah#diary tags#used to be more of an open book because I had no problem sharing#and I felt like people genuinely cared#but I don’t know#it’s also felt good to not confide in anyone about anything anymore#not sure if that’s good growth or me taking steps back#but I just can’t talk about myself when people ask — like at my last friend gathering#they ask me how I am and I say fine. spare the details and move on.#it’s easier that way#I feel so different in that friendship now and I don’t feel how I used to ?#it’s odd. it’s taken me a few days to process it.#I think I’ve been feeling that way with a lot of people though#like I’m a puzzle piece that just doesn’t fit anywhere
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pov your weird angel roommate is investigating the concept of "food" in the kitchen again
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