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We looked inside some of the posts by more-glitter-more-pizzazz and here's what we found interesting.
Average Info
Notes Per Post
32K
Likes Per Post
22K
Reblog Per Post
10K
Reply Per Post
43
Time Between Posts
5 days
Number of Posts By Type
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17
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a certain kind of woman
is always kind of posing
even when she's also at rest
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People say we're alike They say we've got the same hair We talk about making music But I don't know if it's honest Can't tell if you wanna see me Falling over and failing And you can't tell what you're feeling I think I know how you feel
#its all sunshine in paradise#why do they never break up????#<< projecting#anyway updates: yes I'm still dating him yes I'm relatively unhappy no I'm not going to do anything about it#I've been buying bikinis and donating old clothes and planning vacations and eating ice cream sandwiches#driving all over#drinking lots of bubble tea#oh I'm dealing with debilitating sex headaches (headaches that come on during sexual stimulation)#maybe its dehydration... maybe its my body rebelling against me and my choices#everytime I have a serious health issue I'm stressed about my relationship#I bet thats a coincidence!#I'm actually pretty happy rn#I just know it cant last forever#filed under:#songs that make me miss her#songs that make me imagine we could be friends again#from the couch#for my archives :]#Spotify
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the joy of creation :3 !! (anything worth doing is worth doing badly)
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the point of relationships of any kind is not for them to last forever. relationships aren’t a “failure” because they ended. it doesn’t mean the love was not enough!!! on the contrary!!!! it means the love was enough for you to know when to let go and set the other person free. it means you’re humble enough to understand when something isn’t working, when it is no longer healthy or functional. there is love in that. there is love in recognizing that the memories will remain and so will the lessons.
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I dont know what's right and what's real anymore
and I don't know how im meant to feel anymore
and when do you think it will all become clear?
cause im being taken over by the fear
#Watching yourself fall out of love is so crazy#I used to look at his pictures and feel butterflies#Now I just scroll past annoyed that he fills up my camera roll#I can't find my pictures of me with my friends because this guy is here#Sighhhhh#Can't flirt with girls because im technically still dating him#My dear friends graduated im gonna miss them so so so much#Girl I have a crush on is totally and completely off limits#Im a despicable person probably#from the couch#Spotify#for my archives :]
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I hate that I'll get old
Before you know your crime
And that all I've got is to make them rhyme
I hate your stupid bar and your hairline
Hate that you had me
Before I was even mine
I hate you close to home and far away
In that empty new place
Where you tax evade
I hate the taxi rank
And the drugs you take
I hate that everyone knows
And they'll never say
#Chat im so fucked#It's so over#I got back together with him because im a coward and a hopeless romantic and also traumatized from my stupid dead dad#Anyway I was happy for 4 days and now im not again#And im getting a crush on a girl I know#Which makes sense because I never really got to date a girl for real and my ass is much more attracted to women than men#Of course I want to date a woman im literally bisexual#But im stuck with this man who I love and used to want to marry but now maybe not?#I love him i want him I need him I also need him to leave me the hell alone#If i could get drunk I would but unfortunately im sober#Good lord#I never want to see him again but if that happens I will want to kill myself#And I will keep doing thus until I go to therapy or get broken up with#He really should break up with me but also oh god oh fuck anything but that#If i could just pick a feeling and a want and stick with that I would be able to deal#If i could commit solidly either way then at least I could know I made the right choice#Im a terrible partner and friend and I deserve everything thats coming for me#Sighhhhhhhh#from the couch#fire boy#for my archives :]#Spotify
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Oh my God (My God) I'm independent and that makes me hot (So hot) Let me show you, baby, what I've got I'm just trying to make people love me
What wasted unconditional love On somebody who doesn't believe in that stuff Oh, well
Everything's fucked, but it's okay Sometimes you just have to say oh well (Oh well), oh well (Oh well) It was all good, now it's all gone We had it all, but then it went wrong, oh well (Oh well), oh well
#mood swings might be the worst part of this#besides the throwing up#the more and more I think about this the more I'm like oh okay I've been miserable since January#am I like. actually depressed?#Idk cause I kinda look forward to some things and I feel joy when I'm with people#but as soon as I'm alone I feel empty and awful and so sad#and I do think about dying a lot but not in an I want to way more like a. I'm so tired way#Idk. Idk#I'm okay. Not great but technically better#literally whatever#<< my mantra#from the couch#for my archives :]#Spotify
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Water girl, water girl
I am such a goddamn bitch
Water girl, water girl
I will learn to live with it
#Yooo guess who showed up in my linkedin view report lol#Me when i see my codependent homoerotic teenage friendship aka loml aka ex bff aka my Achilles heel aka#The girl I've written multiple songs and poems in which she cannibalizes me because that's the only metaphor that gets close to it#Girl. What are you doing here?#She probably heard about my romantic troubles and is stalking me the only way she can#Ironically because she blocked me on all other social media#God. We are made of the same stuff on the inside#We are both such insecure traumatized unstable people#For her it manifests in being a fucking butch and for me it manifests in being a pathetic wet lump#She gets away with dping whatever the hell she wants all the time and the moment i do anything I fall to my knees and sob#And beg for forgiveness#But both of us are skilled at emotional manipulation#Im just slightly worse at it and I actually feel immense guilt and shame for it#Whonknows maybe she does too#In other words I'm very clingy and she discards people regularly#I said i was over her but honestly this is just a distraction from my other actually problem#That is too hard to think about#So ill just bitch about her for awhile#Blah blah blah whatever I dont really miss her anymore and I'm not as angry at her either which is nice#Im just startled by the fact that she is cyber stalking me and not the other way around#Idk bbgrl if you are the one who can't speak directly to me or look me in the eye why are you on my very dormant linkefin page#Everything that ever happened is someone elses fault#Whatever literally whateverrr#strawberry soda#From the couch#for my archives :]
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where i am going is right where I am
#Im an object in motion#Sighhhh#Im better I guess but it's only because we're talking more#I did throw up the other night because I convinced myself he was dying and I just feel so sad at the endings of things#But I think we're getting back together? So#Idk#When i feel okay I feel like i could be single for awhile#When I feel anxious I feel like i will actually die if he leaves me or I leave him#Generational trauma? Perhaps#From the couch#for my archives :]#Spotify
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I left the state
You never left the city
You said it's beautiful
I told you not to wait
And you fell in love
I hear she's beautiful
#With my new sweetheart passing time / wishing you were mine#I feel like im dying#I feel so sick all the time#I just want to be with my sunshine :(#How is he so chill????? I'm over here trying not to fucking kill myself!!!! And he just nods and says I should keep Journaling#Im having a mental breakdown i think#Why am I apart from him??? Who gives a fuck about anything I don't I want my lover back and fuck everything else.#I dont want to be fucking friends I want to makeout and be each other's person#I hate this.#from the couch#spotify#for my archives :]#Spotify
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I'm so mature, collected and sensible
Except when I get hit with rejection
To turn me down, well, that's just unethical
But if you need my love
My clothes are off, I'm comin' over to your place
And if you don't need my love
I didn't want your little bitch-ass anyway
#Whateverrrrer#never kill yourself#Trying to feel valuable with or without him#We'll see#from the couch#Spotify#for my archives :]
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And I don't know what I'm cryin' for
I don't think I could love you more
It might not be long, but baby, I
I'll love you 'til the day that I die
#Whatever. Whatever.#Anxiety disorder how could you :(#Got the disease that makes you feel like you are always either about to throw up die or both#Side eyes my daddy issues in the corner#Had some good insights about whatever it is that ails me though so that's good#Hmmm where did my urge to run away that immediately becomes an urge to cling come from?#And my fear of abandonment?#And my conflict avoidance?#And my belief that nobody else will ever love me?#And my deep sadness at growing up and having my body be known by another person?#I guess we'll never know!!!!!#If i didn't get so nauseous maybe I'd be okay#Like bad feelings I feel i could probably handle if they didn't make me sick to my stomach 24/7#Good things: tea. Ceasar salad. Rehearsal. Hugs. Modern medicine. Jazz piano. The bass. Experimental music.#The girl in a pretty dress. My friends. Perfect fourths. Water. Flowers. The sun. Lollipop earrings. Holding myself.#My advisor. Classes I want to take. Big windows that let in lots of light. Eye pillows. Good scents. Pasta. Mozzarella but the good kind.#Music. Sleep. Clean hair. My family. Salt and vinegar chips. Beanie babies. Bright colors. Weird makeup. Gay people. They/them pronouns#Hats. Scarves. Red. Pink. Yellow. Bags. Easter. My dog. Spring (eh). Vanilla. Bubble tea. New month new me. Trees. Blooms. Green grass.#from the couch#Spotify#for my archives :]
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I wish i could tell you things are gonna be okay
But we know it's not the same
I want to tell you that i know that you can change
But you still drive your friends away
you've got to live with the decisions that you've made
It's gonna break my heart to see it blown to bits
somethings happening
I feel happier
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Water girl, water girl
I am such a goddamn bitch
Water girl, water girl
I will learn to live with it
#I did a few social things today everybody be proud of me#Feeling very stuck between I don't want my love with him to be over and also. Dont die wondering#I dont want to resent him because I never had the guts to break up and fuck a woman#But I also don't want to like. Get fetishist about lesbianism#I dont necessarily think a woman would be a better partner to me because of my adjacent gender identity or whatever#I don't necessarily think a woman would be a better option for me sexually either I just want to live a queer life!!!#Truly I probably should not be dating or fucking anyone right now#I miss him but I fear I may miss someone who isn't there#Baby Jasper thinking they were a full lesbian is so disappointed in me :( I remember when I realized i fould marry a woman and suddenly#I understood why marriage was something people cared about#I thought i was a lesbian for a surprisingly long time (cough my biphobic BFF cough cough)#Anyway idk. Grateful to be alive and living and learning#from the couch#Break up blogging#Breakup blogging#I cant remember how I spelled it#Spotify#for my archives :]
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still alive if anybody was wondering
#There is not a single damn therapy appointment available for the rest of the semester#Im doing okay but I did reach out to him in a state of absolute panic and i just... am not cut out for any of this#Why isn't love enough :(#From the couch#Breakup blogging#for my archives :]
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currently allowing myself the decadent indulgence of believing wholeheartedly in my ability to survive this.
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